The Cake Eaters - 121. Congo

Episode Date: October 21, 2025

Heath and Brandon travel to the jungle in search of a '90s classic, Congo. The boys talk through Brandon's nostalgic love for this movie, talking gorillas, diamond lasers, audio books, and California Dreamin'.Follow us on Instagram @thecakeeaterspodEmail us at [e-mail]

It's not worth winning if you can't win there! brow that was the damn what a weird fucking place to start what that's the beginning all the leaves are brown is that the beginning i thought there was yeah i thought there was another line before that i was like where are you why are you jumping in halfway or wow wow brandon as someone who doesn't even know the song coming in and yelling at me for singing i think it's i haven't pulled up right here in front of me i think it was the way you You're seeing an age. All the leaves are.

That's not how it starts. You're doing it. Yeah, it is. That's why I was thrown off. How does it start then? How does that? It starts better than that, first of all. Do it better.

Oh, my God. I hate you so much right now, Brandon. You're being ridiculous. It's almost like I threw off our schedule on accident because of my pregnancy brain. Are you going to sing or not? Well, I was trying to, but you're just being an absolutely. Jackass about it. Jackassery is taking place.

I was just, you, you threw me off. You were doing it. You did such a bad job, it threw me off. It was, it was no, uh, uh, a drugged up animatronic gorilla did a better version. Wow. Oh, okay. All the leaves are brown and the sky is gray. and the sky is gray I've been for it's hard to do it without the freaking echo it's just

throw me off anyways I've been for a walk on a winter's day on a winter's day I'd be safe and I'd be safe and warm if I was in L.A if I was in L.A. California dreaming on such a winner's day Brandon walked into a church that's the next line I passed along the way the mama's in the pompous

Kelly got really into Mama's in the Pappas I have them on vinyl I have a yeah I have the the album that this is on on vinyl too but the Mama's twins Brandon vinyl twins that's got to be something it's almost like Eskimo,

brothers it's exactly like xcoma brothers but there's uh there's not a least shocking sentence i think i've ever heard my life than when you said kelly got real into the mammas and the papas that's yeah it's just makes sense right if i if you were like if i had a gun in my head and you were like what's kelly's favorite band i think that would be my guess is mama's the problem it's not close she probably say she i guess band right charlie xc doesn't count as a band but that's probably your favorite person okay i was a big try how she how she has she taken in the uh the taylor swift album though you know i don't know i don't really um i haven't really talked to her about it too much you know should yeah i guess get a read on the uh the charlie xx

disc track you know oh really oh i didn't even know that all i knew is that there's just a there's a track about Travis kelsey's big hog you know that's the only thing that i know about that album. The least subtle, least subtle and least sexy song about a penis than I think I've ever heard in my life. What's the,

what's the stick one? What's the, I'll make you touch the magic stick. I do something make you quick. I know. That sounds familiar. I can't think of it all the time of my head, though. I'm always,

I've always been partial to, a candy shot oh yeah hold on I gotta this is the kicker's podcast though everybody my name is brandon that's heath um we are doing a we got a treat for you we got a fantastic episode if you didn't oh it needs the little cam magic steak sorry little cam magic steak okay anyways keep going brayman but uh if you didn't uh if you didn't

look at the title before you clicked play and you didn't catch my gorilla quip earlier we are doing Congo he's the great 1995 classic Congo starring Laura Lenny and Dylan Walsh and Tim Curry Tim Curry is the reason we are doing Congo because of his role as Lord Dragonis oh is that that's the stretch huh that's what I thought I was like we're we're dip it into the the the animated series Okay. I mean, you also left off Ernie Hudson. I don't know what that says about you. Obviously, not a big Ghostbusters guy. I just watched it the other day. Classic. I do love Ernie. And you're right, though. I'm not a big Ghostbusters guy. Not a big Ghostbusters guy. Interesting. I'm not a big Dan Aykroyd fan. He rubs me the wrong way. Why? I just don't think he's funny. I don't get it. Oh, okay. Well, the antichroids not bad.

Yeah. Typical, a hitter aide from you. Not my cup of tea. But yeah. Not like this classic. He's. Dude.

So while the movie was interesting. This is the same guy that wrote Jurassic Park. He's Michael Crifton. No, so I love that. I actually, I still need to listen. Literary legend, Michael Crypted. I have Jurassic. Park on audiobook, and I literally closed the door.

I don't know how Cat Chessie broke open. She was probably in there when you shut her. Or did she open the door? No. It got opened. Excuse you. Did you see him chewing on my headphone cord? You're practically shoving it down his throat.

I'm blocking him. Anyways, this cast, this was a, this was. was an awesome cast for such a just random weird movie it was campbell is in this for like five minutes so i just i don't know what it was about this movie brandon that like it just i wanted to like it for you and like on your behalf because you gave it so much love and i was like so i will i got to give this movie some love for brand him but it just i i said this to you all off air is this the love i have for this movie is because it's so fucking bad i just the whole there's there's diamonds lasers and talking guerrillas he's what more what more do you want

and tim kerry plays a uh a romanian con artist that's fantastic tim curry's accent in this movie was something else but um what's it what's the the the gorilla's name Rachel. Dude, I just found myself. No, Amy. Amy. I knew it was a white girl name. We both knew that.

Dude, I just found myself. I was so worried about Amy the whole time. I was like, you know, like, I get that they, you know, they kind of. Introducing animals into the wild never goes well. No. And like this one seems to have like an extra level of like, cognizance she drank a fucking martini yeah yeah yeah like that that that is someone that doesn't go visit the jungle in a war torn country that's someone that goes to directly drops into like an animal refugee under very strict watch you know like that's like come on the poor like i was just in constant fear that this porn even though like there was no way right just based on like the direction the movie was going

that she was going to die but i thought for sure i lived in a constant state of fear this whole movie that like it was going to be like game of thrones red wedding and freaking amy just gets murdered that's what it's just in a constant state of nerves brandon worrying about this goddamn gorilla that they shouldn't have taken it they should not have taken the gorilla and that's i will say that's what bugs me so much about this movie is that was the most irisprose thing that guy could have done of course you got duped you went to a place where a civil war broke out like that that's what she's from he's okay that's her home yeah well i just you know she's also a gorilla so you could you could maybe do a little white lie and not say we're going to the exact

like she she's having uh hallucinating dreams about her homeland she knows where she's from Brandon, I just, I just, I don't know, I just think that it was gravely irresponsible for them to bring that poor gorilla out there and just put her in constant state of danger and fear. And she did such a good job. Amy Jungle, Heath, it had to be done. Dude, and like, she did do a great job. Like, there was just gunbursts going off around her all the time. And she was fine. She was fine.

Didn't fucking feel. No. She did. She did. away a couple times but it's yeah i'd wonder away on that other guy too richard wasn't that his name richard fucking rich yeah it is i pulled it up is it fucking richard oh yeah the the the side the scientist sidekick guy yeah the sidekick who's the who's the um dr peter elliott played by dillan walsh the the dude his her like handler yeah yeah okay we got we can go back to the to the cast too

sorry i didn't mean to get a sidetracked but my god are you good i i wholeheartedly agree with you Returning a martini drinking gorilla to the wild after her whole life was in captivity, right? Whole life in captivity. Something like that. Yeah, wildly irresponsible. But I will say when she found the good gorillas, good gorillas, I teared up. That was beautiful. Well, you are just such a pansy ass, Brandon, obviously.

But, like, that was a beautiful. I'm a sympathetic cry of Heath. You know this. You know this. Oh, Lord. It was a, it was a good moment. But my God, it just that was the thing that I think I just couldn't get past Brandon. I just couldn't believe they were taking this like, it was like she was, that'd be like me taking Jenkins back to Cuba because that's where Havanese come from. And then there was a like revolution and we all just got shot and died. Like that's just it doesn't make sense to have a gorilla that. is basically a pet a domesticated gorilla at this point drinking fucking martini's taking her into a war-torn jungle it just it just bugged the shit out of me the whole and so i'm just nervous for this fucking gorilla the whole movie uh the martini nuts the martini had me fucking rolling on the floor laughing

dude she's singing songs she's if if a gorilla is singing mamas and paas before bed for comfort no matter how much she wants to visit a jungle you need to explain to her that it's a bad idea dude she she Amy die yeah die sign amy fucking die if she goes to that jungle you're right you're right though because she did she had the uh she had mamas and papas to to start singing when she had like a panic attack she had um uh her stuffed animal that that her like security stuffed animal that he was always given her she was not mentally well enough for this for this she was not built for like if anything she needed to do some like taekwondo trade like get like a physical like a trainer in there for her to get her ready training montage would have been amazing right it's like hey we need to get amy ready for the jungle let's give her a rocky esk training montage to get her fucking ready so that she doesn't need a stuffed animal and a mama's and papa's record to fall asleep at night She did hold her own with the,

with the gray gorillas, though. She didn't fucking fending them off. Like shout out instincts kicked in, right? She's still a gorilla, but goddamn, you know, it just, ugly gorillas, go away. Ugly gorillas. Just like Laura and Laura Linney's character,

Dr. Karen, dude. That was my, that was the best part of the movie. She calls Laura Lenny and ugly bitch. She just sits down. like what's this ugly fucking lady doing here get this get this ugly lady out of our airplane and then uh fucking peter's like yeah she is ugly and he goes back to to laura letty's character like uh later that night on the plane and he's like i'm sorry

i called you ugly i had to i had to do it for the gorilla i'm sorry it's incredible you know it's it's really incredible stuff amazing oh gosh that is by far the best part of the fucking movies just straight up calling her super ugly um yeah i also to kick off the movie the intro it was a really good like safari type of intro loved it i was in love the intro yeah yeah that's where we get bruce can well they not yeah bruce campbell's in the first like five minutes this movie because he is the son he's charlie The son of, is it tricom, triacom, something like that?

Yeah, triacom or something. That was the other, that was the other line I loved so fucking much is when they're on the plane. And he's all, what are you even a professor of anyway? What's your doctorate in? And she goes, she says like, you know, some communication or technology or something like that. And he goes, oh, so you're a nerd with a cell phone. With MX Platinum, access to exclusive AMX pre-sale tickets, score you a spot track side.

So being a fan for life turns into the trip of a lifetime. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Pre-sale tickets for future events subject to availability and varied by race. Turns and conditions apply. Learn more at amex.ca slash Y Annex. I love those kind of like hierarchy dynamics within like niche groups. Shit cracks me up. when it's like you're uh you're you're like a level two nerd you know and then they get all mad at him

love it i've got a look bruce campbell is in staff but it's one of he's in uh he's in he's in he's in 80s uh action movie horror movie legend he's in evil dead yeah there he's in yeah he's in yeah that's what he's best known for right is army of darkness that's uh that's the sequel to evil dead i believe yeah that's uh oh fargo tv series yeah yeah psych that's i knew he was in psych yeah was he in uh was he in burn notice or is that another yeah burn notice okay let's see um he was also in cars too oh yeah he did i'm sure he does a lot of voiceover work yeah cloudy with a chance of meatballs spider man three he's the tour guide voice my god he's in he's in um all three of Sam Ramey's

Spider-Man, Spider-Man Spider-Man movie? Spider-R, yeah. Dude, this is where I was remembering him from the most, though, sky-high, Coach Boomer. Sky-high. Dude, come on.

That's a movie. That's a movie I have not heard in a long time. I just re-watched it the other day. What are you re-watched Sky-I-Four? On the airplane, too. Dude, I watched the weirdest shit on the airplane. Sometimes I wonder, like, what, people think sitting next to me like if they because you know like i'm just in my own world i don't

give a shit about anyone i say you the kind of dude that rips uh full nudity uh no no don't you remember i was watching uh total recall and i was sleeping and i woke up and i like looked at the screen and i looked the screen it's like oh like physically jumped and i was like fast forward really quick because there's just boobs like i you know i just forgot there's three in that movie too three movies right oh really oh so i missed two of the other ones when i was napping and through the middle there. Well, no, no, I mean, that's, that's the movie where the lady has three boots. No, that's total recall.

Yeah. Not, what did I say? I said, I meant, uh, Blade, Blade Runner. Oh, okay. Yeah, you said total recall. Oh, damn. It's not what I say. It's what I mean, Brandon.

You know that. Well, that's why I was like, that's, that's the movie with the lady who has three tips. Yeah. Um, but sky high, dude. That movie, that movie rocks. Okay. It's, it's incredible. I'll have to, I'll have to rewatch it.

Yeah. Take, take a rewatch. And then, uh, you know, um, um, Joe Don Baker, who is his dad, he, I best know him from Walking Tall. Remember that classic? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I've only seen Walking Tall once, and that was years and years ago.

Walking Tall is so good. Didn't we watch it for the pod? Yeah, but we did the, he's in the original. We did the, we did the rock remake. So he's also in The Big Valley, which for an episode, which is the Heath Barclay, the character, he's not that character, but that's the show where I got my name from, Brandon, fun fact. Interesting. Fun fact. He's a, he's a great, he's, he's a great, uh, like secondary, um, bad guy.

Like, he's not the main villain, but he's like, he is either like the, like the, like the, like the. the mayor that won't help out or the businessman that's trying to fucking get over um he's one of those guys great i like like is who is he in walking the original walking tall is he he's got to be a bad guy right i honestly don't remember that movie at all i can't remember um oh dude where anyway this this was sorry where i also remember him from is so a few other movies that he's in where he's like kind of his second character joe dirt where he's the girl's dad yep and then uh dukes of hazard he's the governor that's what i'm getting confused with walking tall he's the governor and dukes of hazard

yeah he's the governor and dukes of hazard and then he's a he's one of the characters in strange wilderness oh yeah yeah yeah and then he's in tomorrow never dies the double so anyways yeah just such such a star study cast and then his son is we everyone would know him from nip-tuck right his son in the movie in the movie isn't that a yeah that's no no his son is bruce campbell charlie thinker he's the he's the tricom see oh wait sorry yeah i i got bruce and dillon mixed up for a second yeah but yeah no dillon dr peter the the monkey guy he is yeah nip tuck yeah yeah but his son is the one that's in scott hi hi yeah yeah sorry and then that's where charlie also do why if dr karen gets looped in

because she thinks she's going on a rescue mission but really well she knows she knows he's there she's getting sent and she's also in everything the dude's like screaming about the diamonds and doesn't get a shit about his kid yeah he doesn't give me the diamonds yeah he doesn't give a shit about anyone diamonds and lasers man Dude, I mean, you know, it's that, once again, that part wasn't as bad, but like, the ancient, that part wasn't the, the, they're trying to get diamonds to make lasers for their, for their, for their, for their telecommission, tell a, excuse me, where their fucking telecommunication satellite. No, I feel like I've seen it in a plot somewhere where, um, they, they, they were using diamonds for, like. but they were using him for destruction I feel like I saw that in a shitty well I mean that's where that's that's where it starts with telecom and then it

goes to destruction real quick yeah exactly and so anyways you see how how easy he was how easy he was able he was able to infiltrate the Civil War in Zaire that dude the it might be a telecom company but they're doing other stuff you know yeah yeah some under the table things they bribed the the one dude with um like 60K in in 1995 in 1995 money too yeah that's dee

yeah but yeah it was it just I don't know Brandon so they they went to go find the diamonds well sure here let's let me break it down

for people who are listening I don't know why you would listen if you know if you didn't watch the movie but yeah and then do yourself a favor I mean we kind of spoiled a good chunk of it go watch this fucking movie because it's no matter what he says it's it's worth the watch but so so what we have

I just don't know if you're going to find it good no it's not going to be good but it's going to be amazing um so what we have here is Laura Lenny her she is like a VP whatever something or other of a telecom company who sent an expedition into the middle of the Congo to find like the perfect crystal or the perfect diamond is what they're looking for diamonds are diamonds are a sham it's a fucking con artist game don't even believe don't believe diamonds diamonds are nonsense that's one soapbox I will get on is diamonds specifically diamond rings worthless you know how many diamonds there are in the fucking world a cajillion it's not worth anything in diamond did you know diamond engagement rings weren't a thing

until the 1920s either so it was a market it's a marketing scheme well because they were like we have so many fucking diamonds what are we supposed to do they're like i don't know make them make the the the ugly the ugly people buy them you know for their for their stupid little well love day anyway brandon you need to calm we love we love love we love love not you obviously psycho don't i just don't like fucking diamonds i just don't like fucking diamonds just embrace the capitalism you sick son of a bitch just let it happen dude just but anyway so they're trying to find the perfect diamond to make uh they have like a fucking laser beam they're trying to find the perfect diamond for the laser beam and it's all for

the the the satellites or whatever yeah it's gonna be the ultimate telecommunication superpower like they're gonna be raking in dough because the current cash machine the whatever they're using right now for their like satellite whatever is failing yeah it's just out of date yeah and he needs something that's going to bring in some mullah he needs his next cash cow so he sends his only child to the congo to die um and so that's charlie that's charlie is also uh you know talk about tangled webs we weave here he's charlie was also the ex fiancee of laur lennie's character dr ross yeah that's why she went that's the whole reason she went right yeah that's so why she's she was going out there to find him or save him or at least confirmed he's dead yeah um and uh

what's his name is only worried about the diamonds yep it's all he cares about yeah but so and then he he goes on this weird tirade when he's yelling about the diamonds where he's like nobody can figure out because they charley finds the diamonds And he's like, you know, he does the telecom, the, the, you know, the long distance zoom where he's like, I found the diamonds. Yeah. And then he gets killed by a fucking gorilla right there. Um, and then, um, so they're like, uh, so the, his dad, the, um, Joe Don Baker's character

is like, we can't let anybody know. Well, like, we're going to send you to the Congo, but we can't let anybody know. So you have to do it in secret because if they figure out why we're going, they're going to figure out the diamonds. They're going to go steal all my fucking diamonds. going to have any diamonds i need my fucking diamonds yeah um so she they so he you know they do all the the weird background stuff where she like get she gets on to uh they they find out about uh dr peter who's who's who's amy's caretaker and his what his wire that was all on his own

that wasn't even uh that wasn't even part of the ruse was the returning the real that was the real thing that they just turned into a ruse was returning the gorilla because they find out about him returning the gorilla amy to the Congo and they like you know hitch their ride to his wagon so they can keep everything under cover like oh this is just a humanitarian trip yeah but blind to everybody the one the the the zayur dude sniffs it out he's like yeah they all all the dudes that were in africa all knew Tim Curry and what a piece of shit he was. Yeah, well yeah

because he's a Romanian comment. So yeah, so I forgot about it. So Tim Curry is financing the, so we have two expeditions being planned separately. We have the telecom thing where they're trying to get the diamond slash save Charlie. We have

Dr. Peter returning Amy to her homeland and Tim Curry, sorry, three expeditions because Tim Curry is trying to find the lost city of So he is like, I'll finance your guerrilla back home trip as like a cover for me. And then the telecom company is like, well, if you're going to use that as a cover, we're going to use it as a cover. So they like sneak into his little itinerary or his flight list.

That was, I forgot all about that. That's a bit of a, that was hard to follow sometimes. Well, that's why Amy hated that dumb, ugly lady that keep a condor way in, snipped it out from the beginning well he says she she shows up and at the to get on the flight and he's like he's like oh you're the one who's been emailing me um you're the you're that crazy or faxing me or whatever it's like you're uh you're that crazy girl and he essentially says uh yeah he doesn't it's not verbatim but he essentially is like the reason i didn't respond and i'm not gonna i didn't want to bring you is because aim

doesn't like women she gets very jealous of other women and so that's why she's like that's why amy is calling her an ugly bitch yeah so good getting territorial you know and then they they describe they describe uh him and amy's relationship multiple times as like a husband and wife yeah we see hopefully you never tried to push that i don't think he did no i'm kidding him in him and amy were Nice. Amy was Q. Yeah, Amy.

Hopefully she's still alive. Amy was, she was a nice, she found the nice guerrillas. They got a little nervous when she signed to them and started talking out of the machine in her hands, you know, but they did not like that. They did not like that.

Not fans, but they were fans of her taking out the big scary, ugly gorillas, you know, they would show with that. I don't know even think. they noticed they weren't they weren't there they went there for that unless she came back and was like bragging about it she i'm sure she how can you not be like hey dude you got you dude should see how

i fucked up like 10 crazy gray aged gorillas that were bred to murder anyone that trying to take the diamonds you know and they were there for forever do you want to know a fun fact about the gorillas that they left out of the movie but was in the books what's that so in the books they were guerrilla chimpanzee and human hybrids oh so that's why they were so aggressive so one thing that i instantly thought when i pulled up the i mdb and i was like oh it's a michael how do you say is that same crichton crichton i believe oh crichton you're right it's criton i was i was saying crichton earlier you're right it's criton is it criton okay cry but when i saw it was one of his books i was like, oh, I bet the book does such a better job of explaining this in a way that makes it

like kind of like cool and awesome. You know what I mean? Like I bet I'm actually curious about the book. I might actually pull it up on my audio and my audible list. You know, I wait. I'm a, I'm a psycho with audible. I've ever told you what I do. I, they, dude, I am audibles worst nightmare.

So they do three months for $3 all the time. They do it like once a year, sometimes twice a year. And so I always sign up three months for $3, three books for $3. Like, that's a steal. Some of those books are like $40 to buy on Audible. So I get three books for three bucks and I cancel immediately and I wait for the next deal for three months or $3. Sometimes it's a year, sometimes it's six months.

One time, it was one month. I was like, oh, I think this was an accident by their. auto generator but let's go so i got six months for three dollars or for a dollar each each month so anyways um i might look into this book now because like i imagine it's i've never read it but i imagine it i because i've you've read you've read jerseic park no i have it in my arsenal um to read i have it in my audio the book library Jurassic park and i is is has so much more in the book than it does in the movie and it's way way the book is way more violent than the movie they cut they they they they pg 13 the shit out of that yeah

well they had to because kids like us were all in you know yeah oh i mean i would have i would uh i still would i still would have watched it if it was you know it's nc 17 um but i imagine uh i imagine the congo book is very similar uh yeah but along those lines fun fact about the book is so he sold uh michael How'd you say it, Crichton? Crichton, yeah. Michael Crichton sold the movie rights to this, I want to say, like a year or two before he even wrote the book. The book was published in 1980, and I believe he sold, he definitely sold the movie rights before the book was written to 20th Century Fox because he was trying to, his goal was to write like a,

what's the solomon's minds oh yeah okay that kind of you know action you know like fucking treasure kind of like Indiana Jones style movie he was going to write that for Sean Connery oh Sean Connery

yeah and so he he pitched that to 20th Century Fox and they were like we're on board you don't even know we don't even need to see a you know a letter on the page but then that got all you know as movies dude got held up and you know you whatever and then he finally wrote the book and then because the book was 1980 and then this was 1995 and sean connery got lost somewhere in the shuffle but

yeah sold a sold a movie before he even wrote the book what a that's pretty that's pretty impressive but it what like once i did see who wrote it i was like oh it's interesting because the Jurassic park book i have it on audiobook and so it's not reading right like that's one thing thing that I will put, draw the line in the stand. I don't consider listening to audio books, reading books, like, you're just listening. That's fair to be. You know, like, that's just,

it's just me. If that's, if there are different opinions, I apologize. You know, Kelly always says she reads books and I'm like, did you read it or listen to it? And she doesn't like that. But like, I don't know.

It's just, I'm a weird stickler about it. Because, like, the, you know what you should do? You should start telling her you, uh, you, like, read a podcast. Like, I just finished reading this podcast.

I actually should that because I will stop that argument in it's because the the art of holding a book and reading it is something that I'm not built for you know really oh my god I I I'm not a an avid reader like they're like you there's some people who like you know they're reading like three books a month like that's just that's crazy I can't do that I do I talk out of like four books a year yeah I but I love like the actual book and i can't do like i i i do audiobooks every once in a while and but i can't do like what is it kindle like i can't i can't read a book on a tablet or whatever i got i need the actual book yeah if i'm going to read a book i need to hold the book the problem for me is i smell the pages like oh dude that's the best too i love the smell of freaking book pages the problem is is that like sitting down and reading is rough on your boy i don't have the time i don't have the time If I've got a good place to stand at a, you know, like a chest height type of, um, what a bar type of area, then I'm okay.

Like if I can stand, like, did honestly, if I have like a music. So you go into like, like, uh, restaurants and bars that have, uh, you know, like, um, yeah, just standing and reading just sit at like a chilies at like the high tops just really, right? dude i can't it's so hard like otherwise i just i have to be able to pace around with the book it's just it's just easier to audiobook it and then you can do chores and stuff while you're listening you know it's just it's much much uh more efficient way to consume the material i know i need to get into audiobooks i just always every time i think about it i go i need to do the

the um three months for three dollars thing because every time i look at like audio books i'm like oh 20 bucks yeah dude Because it's it makes like, like, do you have Audible? You get your first book for free so I can send you one for you. If you have a weird sci-fi book that you want to get for free, I can send it to you. Why do you jump immediately to weird sci-fi? Well, that's mostly what I have. I don't know.

Like, I mean, I could send you Jurassic Park. I'm not a sci-fi guy, but really? All I have is like Lord of the Rings, Jurassic Park, like different various. I have a same plot from different writers of like space space there's space ones there's you know anyways it does it doesn't matter I was never I never got into sci-fi house I mean I do love I do love Star Trek I never got into sci-fi books I should say I don't like sci-fi movies I'm all in but sci-fi books I never I never got it you know interesting my favorite one is the name of the wind but it is a trilogy that has been waiting like 15 years for the third book to get written so it's pulling a game of thrones yeah yeah but if you can get past that the first book is in is really good anyways we're when we're talking about oh because congo because michael i'm going to add it to the audio book get congo and then we'll do it we'll do a we'll do a follow-up episode okay did i i i i mean it was

it had so much potential i feel like honestly as a movie but just something didn't hit with it it's something it's a combination yeah I agree with it was it the production value that was so bad it's the production especially when you compare it to Jurassic Park that is like hands down

the best like most redeeming quality about Jurassic Park is those special effects were amazing at the time and they still hold up they're still fantastic whereas this one it's like the the because they used a bunch of monkey

suits yeah so that was like yeah like the the special effects like when that lava came running down i was like oh that was like a you know it's like third grade diorama level here guys what are we doing so like yeah it's the special it's a combination of the special effects uh and then i think because they cut a lot out i'm assuming a lot out of the from the book about like explaining stuff it's just they just gloss over everything which i i guess you know depending on the movie is probably for the better um yeah but there's there's some of these right in though you know just just in the jungle of africa they fight like he diamonds lasers here we go let's do this yeah just okay then like it took a minute for me to oh it's like oh yeah that guy's his son and this

guy's just really pissed about wait what is he pissed about again oh yeah okay the diamonds and like it was just they're flying in and then the civil war starts right when they're flying in like i actually did after rewind it there i was like wait wait wait why did this car blow up and now why is there a civil war all of a such so you know the fuck did this happen so you heard the explanation right so it was the president's car yeah they were like oh did they get the president he's the dude's like no that's the worst part wasn't even in the car yeah so now that's the problem yeah yeah if he if he was if he actually got assassinated we might be in better shape but he did not so now we got a full-blown struggle on our hands guys yeah we're in the middle of it you know genius move

by dr karen with the flares for the heat-seeking missiles so they don't get shot down yeah yeah yeah dude but i did love but i did love to go back to the civil war at the airport i did love the line when they hop in the you know the big truck or whatever and they're driving out of the airport and um ernie hudson goes i forget exactly what he says but he basically is like another great day in central africa yep like man what a journey and the guy great to be alive the guy that's uh in the the air like the airport worker guy um he is in stuff too i don't know i can't remember anything that he's in and i couldn't find him on the thing what was his character name was his character eddie i don't know maybe oh if you look up the wait john hawks i knew he was in this

i thought that was him john hawks and eddie ventro you know why you couldn't find him because he's uncredited. But it's Joe. Joe Pantaliano is the actor. And yeah, he's in everything. He's in the Matrix, fugitive, everything. Yeah, okay. And then John Hawks, who is Kenny Powers' brother in Eastbound and Down.

And also in Deadwood, he is the, he plays one of the random scientists guys, Bob, scientist, Bob. He's one of the, he's like the first one. John Hawks, okay, yeah Yeah, he's in all kinds I did this such a And then Tom Barry He's in stuff too He was the driver

He's in too fast Too Furious He's in the absolute Classic from Shaquille O'Neal Steel He's in Space Jam Oh yeah yeah yeah He's in

He's in The Furious I say yeah He was in one and two Because he's the He plays the detective That's uh working with uh paul walker while he's undercover yeah yeah i knew that i recognized that guy too you know who else is in this do you see the cameo no jimmy fucking buffett dude

oh he's he's uh he's the pilot i think uh he's uh he's the oh my god he is the 727 pilot they say dude it's insane that they um to be looking through this and then see gorilla number five Gorilla number six Gorilla number eight They had 10 gorilla number seven Ten gorilla suits I believe And then the rest were like

I don't know if there's CGI I or if they were like animatronics or whatever But they had yeah 10 10 people in gorilla suits running around Yeah damn But yeah just uncovering Additional Star-studded movie

But just it just didn't quite land And it hit widely paying 20% rotten tomatoes 5 out of 10 stars on IMDB which is probably pretty generous the the critics were quick and resounding with their hate of this movie yeah okay they did not like it yep yeah it was it was it was universally panned but uh yeah like he said star studied fucking cast yeah it just does it doesn't it it doesn't stick the landing it I think it's the effects I think it's how fast they kind of moves yeah and yeah yeah it's yeah it just isn't it doesn't because you don't have another hour to explain everything it was too it was almost too complex of an idea to get into two hour movie efficiently or effectively right like it was just too complex of an idea and they did a bad job of explaining the complex idea and

efficient to our manner you know yes they they explained a lot of stuff they didn't need to explain and then yes forgot other stuff that they should have probably explained yeah and if they just switch some of that around the movie might land a little better you know yeah and i think the gorilla suits it would be interesting to see this movie today in cj i world versus gorilla suits yeah i know i don't think it would yeah yeah that's like thinking about the planet of the apes movies those those did a much better job than most with like yes if they were if you could get the budget to do that level of of of like monkeys and and ape cg i then yeah i'm on board my guess would be they wouldn't have that big of a budget for it though and you would get some

fucking nonsense yeah yeah because it would it would probably end up really bad it would be i feel like you it would it would end up being too car like too cartoonish yeah like have you seen um any of the uh the the the newer cong movies no they they don't hit for me the special effects because he looks too computery like he's it's it looks like they put a cartoon in real life yeah yeah it doesn't have any of the like the real world weight to it because he just

yeah he looks like a computer graphic in in the middle of a yeah so I think that's the level you would get otherwise you know compared to Planet of the apes speaking of cartoons mixed with real life Kelly found when we are scrolling through movies who framed Roger Rabbit

it oh yeah i freaking love that movie as a kid that was another one that i loved it and then i got it got it on the vhs and it had like the little vhs sleeve on it oh dude i i love that movie but it was weird you know like it's a weird as weird as hell dude and it everybody's trying to bang a cartoon yeah and it was a weird movie for like a five-year-old to be like their favorite movie I feel like, I don't know, but it was made for kids, you know. And so everyone was like, cool, let's get this kid movie for Heath. Sorry, the cat's like in between my legs. I don't know what he's doing down there, dude.

What is? It's like Will Ferrell and wedding crushers talking about his mom's like, what are you doing in there? Like, what is she even doing back there? What are you doing down there underneath the desk? Cause a mischief and mayhem. Yeah. Yeah. but um he's been dude he's been pulling all of our the clothes out of the dresser it has been

the worst dude i came home yesterday and i walked into my closet everything like i swear i i was like what the fuck dude just there's like three three or four different drawers just cleaned them out he just pulls everything out and then snuggles in for a nap like a real fucking piece of shit sometimes he just pulls everything out and then leaves yeah it's it's insane dude so like i get home and i have an immediate project to just refold and put away all my clothes into the dressers there you just throw a congo audio audiobook on while you do it you're good good to go oh dude i'm adding it to the net dude dude audio audible doesn't even know what's coming at that next three for a dollar dude three months for a dollar i'm absolutely getting

Congo okay so you were you're a hundred percent right the movie doesn't land yeah I'm wanted it to on your but you didn't get any any of like this is so bad it's I'm having a great time enjoyment out of it because that's what I get from it where it's like this is so just so stupid that I'm on board I mean it just didn't hit any of those like because like you know like Street Fighter for example okay yeah terrible movie but For some, but that's one of those like terrible movies that I'm like, okay, this is so incredibly bad with like a world that I appreciate. So even though it's terrible, I'm going to watch it. It's kind of like the green lantern.

Still watch the green lantern, even though it's one of the worst depictions of the green lantern I've ever seen. It had so much potential, you know, he's freaking, dude, he like the green lantern is literally top gun that protects this. sector of the universe like how does how does that how do you write a movie and it doesn't land you had it all there it's all there you know anyways green lantern's my favorite and they just can't it doesn't make any sense doesn't make any sense it's the coolest character and they fucked it up with ryan reynolds and now everyone thinks green lantern's a dork it's like no dude he's basically top gun in superhero form so anyway sorry that's my case you wanted a green lantern rant on this Congo breakdown I was waiting for it I was waiting for

I knew I did I could see it in your eyes you know like I said Brandon I desperately wanted to like this movie on your behalf because you were you were talking that you were like oh Heath I'm so excited to do Congo it's going to be it's going to be a good one it's going to be a fun one it's not a good movie yeah I thought you would have liked it a little bit more you yeah it just dude just the Amy thing it just it didn't land you got to you you you you're either an amy guy or you're not an amy guy you know and i was just i was not an amy guy like the the whole gorilla concept of them protecting the die like i once again i'm a sci-fi guy i'm a fantasy guy i'm an action adventure guy i've seen similar premises i'm not afraid of that

but it was just the whole amy thing and then it just i couldn't get past the fact that they took this like gorilla that's basically a pet and just put her in the worst I just couldn't get past it Brandon and then like the whole movie here I am worrying like you know I'm a bit of a worrier

you know this and so the whole movie I'm just worried about Amy I'm worried about the gunshots every time they're bra I'm like oh dude is Amy okay yeah like how is she handling this she's just chilling on the tent dude yeah it doesn't even care I guess

I don't know dude she just maybe did she did do if I would have seen a rocky training montage of them prepping Amy to get her ready to survive in that jungle. I'm in. I'm all the way in on all the shenanigans

of this movie. That would have been amazing. That would have been the best. Gonna fly now. Dude, Amy's just shadow boxing. It's sick. That changes the whole scope of the movie for me, Brandon, is if I see Amy

in a rocky ask montage I need a montage she's got the towel over the shoulders shadow box she's fucking ready dude and then honestly for them to get real meta and having like Rocky in the background and her imitating it come on let's go that would have been fantastic I also would have loved I would have loved more Amy for sure

a little montage I would have loved it just would have helped me sleep easier at night knowing that Amy was prepared to you protect herself you know not needing a fucking stuffed animal i would have loved for her to have jumped out of the airplane like a lot around that would have been sick to see you're fucking just like soaring through the air and then popping the the the parachute dude you know what would have helped with that training montage yeah she would have been ready she would have just some quick you don't think that at their university they didn't have like an rotc like

where they could just get like some access to some basic training for this month this poor gorilla going into a war torn jungle like this is just it just bugged it just bugged me to death brandon were they uh were they at berkeley is that where they were yeah they might not have r o tc at berkeley that's that's that's true but still dude there's very liberal school do you know how many naval bases are out over there come on now come on that's in berkeley not at berkeley but in the dude they They flew them to Africa. They couldn't just take a little hop, skipping a jump to one of the naval bases on the California coast. Come on, Brandon.

Do your shit together. Let's get Amy some basic training. That would have been tight. Anyways, insane tirade aside. I really do. Honestly, as unhinged as that would have been, I would have been like, okay, at least she can protect yourself, you know? We didn't have a talking monkey. Teach her to shoot a gun.

she yeah she yeah she was she's talking like you said she's basically a pet she's drinking martini not only is she drinking martini she requested a martini yeah yes has a stuffy has a bedtime song fucking mom's and papa's dude uh anyways poor poor amy now laur lini dr karen she knew what she was getting into she knew that she was going to get scammed and she took it on the chin you know like she just did what needed to be done i was i was all in on dr karen ross the diamond away too she's like hey yes i don't need oh yeah dude i don't need your diamonds you fucking guy telecom dude but she she crushed it dr care and ross laur lennie yeah then they took the hot air balloon to the rescue that was awesome too i forgot

that they took a hot air balloon out and the whole time because they mentioned it like five times um they mentioned the balloon they're like don't worry the balloons here we got the balloon we got the balloon and i was like why do they keep mentioning this fucking balloon and i because i forgot that they that's god that's why it's like the what is it chekhov's gun where it's like they they keep mentioning this fucking balloon where is it then i i thought the same thing i was like why do they keep talking about a balloon when are they going to and then they said it and it's like my god they're really going to take a hot air balloon out of the jungle oh what a journey what it didn't yeah it's a movie because they we we do find they do we forgot

about the hippo attack too oh yeah yeah yeah they got freaking attacks by hippos in those little boats that was wild i mean that could very well happen though because hippos are very aggressive and have you ever seen uh hippos kill more people than any other animal in africa yeah dude have you seen the real of the hippo chasing that tourist boat like that was not a far It's going like fucking 40 miles an hour underwater. Oh, my God, dude, that was like, you see that? And it's like, dude, that's terrifying. So that was not far fetch.

But the way they did it made it look so fake. It's like, you know what I mean? Like talking about to the production thing, because like that was. They used an animatronic for that for that one. Yeah. And like, but like, that's a real thing that could have happened. But for some reason, just watching a hippo attack those people, even though it's a very realistic thing.

it just felt so like if you're having a talking gorilla and then you're getting attacked by hippos it just feels like everything's too deep of the stretch even though it is scientifically accurate that that hippo attack those boats especially if it felt like it was they were encroaching on its territory like yeah well that was the other than 10 it's going after him that was the least believable thing is right when they got out of the water they were like okay pitch 10 it's like dude you got to we got move a little bit yeah get out of there you just got almost got all murdered by a crazy hippo like it's coming after you on land too they're fast on land yeah they can build up speed i think they run like 20 30 miles an hour on land probably they are they

do get moving like a like a mike all stock you know fucking rumbling down dude or or a scataboo you know scatty i saw a thing the other day um and it was it was mike allstadt Peyton Hillis, uh, RIP, and then there was somebody else from the 80s. I forget who it was and then Camp Scadaboo and it was like, um, it's like every 10 years, man, we're due for some crazy, some crazy fucking bull, bull white guy running back. He's just going to fucking ram his head into the wall every every, every 10 years. Yeah, yeah, it's it's in, oh, so um, 19 miles an hour. I was close.

I was close. I said 2030, but night, could you imagine a hippo? I can outrun him. Coming at you at 19 miles an hour, that's freaking scary. The trick is, the trick is you start running the other way because then it's got to turn around. Yeah, yeah, just, just a real quick, oh, oh, give it the old okie-doke, you know? No, it's just plant that fucking dude, just plant that foot and then you just hit the agath, right? A little counter, just run a little counter on him.

Whenever, whenever I think of the, wherever I see like chase scenes like that, It always reminds you of the psych episode when he gets, like, kidnapped and they throw him in the trunk. And it's like flashing back on all the survival techniques that is dead. And he's like, like, make sure, like running zigzags, never go in a straight line. And he shows him and he's like, you know, fucking moving in the woods. It's like doing the little one-two. Yeah, like trying to, you know, shake the tree, shimmy-shake the tree. Yeah, that's all you got to do.

Um, but yes, do the hippo, they end up finding the, the city, the, both the lost city that, um, fucking Tim Curry is looking for and all the diamonds. And that's what, that's when Tim Curry is they're two and one, you know, yes, they're both looking for the same place. They built the city around the diamonds. Yep. Yep. Oh. And that's where all the fucking crazy monkey are, monkeys are. Yeah, dude. Tim Curry meets a tough fate. That's a, that's a tough fate for Tim Curry and the other guy. his head smashed after sure curious guy yeah yeah but and then also um going back to the beginning of the movie when um charles bruce bruce uh what's his name bruce uh campbell right i don't know why i was bling on the last name but when uh when he's like sitting outside the entrance because his buddy's like dude i found something and the he goes in and bruce campbell's just

chilling out eating a Hershey bar outside and then the eyeball really still the fucking eyeball dropping the eyeball out of the little hole yeah just trying to enjoy a nice Hershey bar too poor guy chuck his friend's eyeball at him yeah it's

yeah but anyways yeah you know Congo it's if I wish I would have gotten more enjoyment of this it's I mean if you were in you got to be an amy guy you're not an amy guy kelly um walked in on me watching this and she was like like i paused it and we were chichang i was like all right i got to get back into this i'm watching this is the movie you're watching why she's surprised now i don't know

she's like is it for Halloween i was like i mean this is about as Halloween as we get i was like this is as horror as i get you know it's it's yeah it's yeah i I remember the first time, I remember the first time I watched this. I was maybe, I was a young child. I was maybe. So if it came around, if it came out in 95, I would have been probably like five or six years old once it got to VHS. And then I watched it at my cousin's house. So yeah, I probably would have been like five or six when I watched this.

The last time Kelly like really walked in. Because it was during one of the weird parts where the gorillas were killing people. and the last time she did that was the final battle at rollerball she came down she's like heath what is i was like go back upstairs don't even look at the tv right now everyone is dying like everyone is getting murdered they did roller ball on the ringer like i've said they copy us but we just have better structure i think yeah yeah they just got they got a they have the full might of spotify behind They got the built-in audience.

Your boy's gone, though. You see that? Rosillo, yeah. I went to Barstool. Yeah. He took Kyle and Sir Rudy with him, too. Anyways, what's your little cake rate? So, cakey rating, and again, I agree.

This movie does not hit. It's, it is rough. But I have, I have nostalgia built into this. I'm going to give it a 3-1. 3-1 3-1 when she calls dude

when she calls laur-liny an ugly bitch like that's a 3-1 just for that scene alone hmm I wanted to like this movie it wasn't very good

didn't land you're not an Amy guy I get it you're not an Amy guy I did thoroughly enjoy the Civil War breaking out while they're on the tarmac. That was probably my favorite part of the movie was the Civil War breaking out on the tarmac. Another great day in Central Africa. You say Central, Central Africa, yeah. It was just, that was awesome.

You know, it was like, as the President's cry, the problem is, President wasn't in it. You know, what a bummer. Now we're, now we're fucked. now we're going to get shot down in this plane but we'll figure it up you know it was just um but i give it i give it a 2.4 8 okay you know real granule with it okay yeah 2.5 you say that every time i always do two decimals i feel like it helps it helps with the nuance you know i i only do two decimals if it's like a it's a quarter like a two five or a seven then I'll throw

the second one in dude I like to have some nuance in life you know yeah yeah just like Donatello

oh my god 248 though okay 248 because it's I like it's one of those like really bad like there were so many movies made in like

94 95 96 97 that were like this right oh dude this was in the height of like the like the the monster like crazy animal uh crazy joe young like mighty joe young was like that was a friendly gorilla no but there was just so many animal movies coming out at the time yeah but i'm i was talking more specifically like like animals to animals coming to kill you in movies oh like you had this yet lake placid was

a couple years later that's a that's a solid one too that's a another terrible terrible movie that I have great nostalgia for yeah that's a weird one I'll put dude when fucking Betty White is a fucking feeding the gigantic crocodile

so good Betty White saves that movie I yeah anyways I this movie there was just yeah this movie is a very 1995 it was a it's a star and again a star-studded cast that you

think could be like oh this isn't bad but they just it has to get rushed a little bit there's not enough new ones so i let me let's actually before before we rub this up i'm going to go to the tape here because i was thinking we've done other we've done at least one other um ape monkey movie have we done have we done two no we've just done one right MVP most most most valuable primate remember that yeah oh what a journey okay okay okay okay okay so you oh yeah okay so we like we both liked this one way better than MVP you gave MVP a 1.98 yeah that movie is bad yeah i gave it a 1.25 it was it was it was rough it was real bad so yeah congo better than MVP you heard of here first

So, you know, Oh, uh, uh, Uh, Oh, Uh, Yeah,

Uh, Oh, oh, oh. Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh.