The Cake Eaters - 136. Young Guns

Episode Date: May 19, 2026

Mount Up! Heath and Brandon join Emiio and the regulators in. Young Guns. The boys discuss Warren G, Death Row Records, vehicular manslaughter, STDs, Holes being a modern western, Lou Diamond Phillips, and Brandon's desire to become a big western guy.Follow us on Instagram @thecakeeaterspodEmail us at [e-mail]

It's not worth winning if you can't win. The lyrics are just there as a crutch, but they're really not needed. Because this is an anthem. This song is not only an anthem of my childhood, Brandon, but it is an anthem of our basketball team. We listened to this before every game. It was on the mix, along with the Monstars rap. You know, you know what I'm talking about? I know exactly what you're talking about.

I hit them high, hit them hot. All right, all right, all right. Anyways, let me get quick. Regulators. We regulate any steel into this property, and we damn good, too. But you can't be any geek off the street. Got to be handy with the steel, if you know what I mean. Earn your keep.

Regulators, mown up. It was a clear black night, a clear white moon-born cheese on the, the street's trying to consume some skirts for the e so I can get some fun just chilling in my ride chilling all alone just hit the east side of the LBC on a mission trying to find just a warren G seen a car full of girls they don't need to tweak all your skirts know what's up in the two one three so a hook's a left on two one and louis some brother shooting dice so i said let's do this back up back up so it's on i don't know i can't remember that i love when um talking about, you know, double digit street names and they still do those single digits.

I love when they do that. He's like he's turning on a two one, three. No, he's turning on the 21st street and he calls it the two one. Oh, yeah, two one and lewins. My favorite part of the whole song is when Nate Dogg comes in, just hit the east side of the LBC on a mission trying to find Mr. Warren G. See the car for the girls. They don't need to tweet.

Are you a big, are you a big LBC guy? Oh, dude, Long Beach. I have a pretty slick Long Beach State dirt bags, uh, baseball jersey that I should have worn to the college world series, but I may wear this year. When's, when's the college world series? Not to talk about our personal plans out here,

but I have to go to Guatemala, um, in June. And so I got to make, make sure the, it is the 20th. the 20th maybe so i think that that that well hold on let me go to the right month here um yeah

so it's that yeah it would be so the i believe the final is the final would be 20 21 and 22 we're we're 20 I forget how the 20 but yeah that weekend when are you going to go out of Malma 21st

22nd okay that's a Monday. We'll figure it up. We'll figure it out. That is the last time. Yeah. What do you do?

Are you regulators? Are you regulating out in Guatemala? Yeah. You know how I do, Brandon. It's out of been zone, I think zone 12. Did you? Where the Americans can go? Did you know that song was inspired by this movie?

Did you know that? No, no. When, so I haven't watched this movie in a billion years again, forgot how good it is. Like the first young guns, it's a great movie. It's a rewatchable that I forgot about because it's like one of the, it's a Western that translates well to today still. Like a lot of the old Westerns don't always translate super well. But man, Brandon, when when he started, who said it?

Oh, I meant to write down to who said it. And then I forgot. I was like, no, I'll remember. I'll remember. It's a dude that dies. The clip. Are you talking about the clip that they sample? It's Charlie is the one who says it.

Charlie, okay, that's what I thought. It was Charlie. But when he said, you got to be damn good to, know what I mean? Earn your kid. I was just like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I literally text you.

That's when I text you. It's like, oh, my God, I've got the intro now. That's an easiest intro that's ever happened for this podcast because that's a, it's a classic. It's a 90s hip hop classic. I listened to that song probably a thousand times in my life. Oh, it's one of the greatest songs ever written. But yeah,

this movie made for high school boys to listen to before basketball games, Brandon. I mean, it's about picking up prostitutes, but, uh, exactly. But,

um, yeah, no, he, say, tell the listeners the movie we're doing and who we are. Come on, Brandon.

This is Jesus. I mean, you're in Christ. You were talking about Guatemala for 40 minutes. This is the K-Kar-Dist podcast. We're doing young guns. 1988? Yes, 1988, young guns. Of course, Heath graced us with Warren G&A dog regulator.

Is it regulators or just regulate? Just regulate, right? No, it's regulators. Are you sure? I think it's just regular. Yes. I have, Brandon. I have it right here.

It's just regulate. Oh, well, this. street directory lyrics is wrong. Typo. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Common misconception, I'm sure, though. Warren G.

Was watching this movie and it inspired him to, he loved the term regulate when they were talking about, when he says we regulate any stealing of his property. We're damn good too. Yeah. So they, so he rented, he rented the VHS, cut the sample from from the VHS and then put that at the beginning of the song. Man, I'm surprised he didn't like, you know, like, hopefully there's some lawyers behind him making sure that didn't get, you know,

I mean, he's not be righted. This, this was this was on what, what, uh, this is on death row. So yeah, I guarantee you that they were, they were big enough at the time to to run that through legal, you know. Oh, real quick. Yeah. Yeah. Worst case scenario, Sugar would just run him over, right?

Yeah. What he's in jail for? Just put a couple slugs in a media, you'll problem solves. Yeah. Sometimes I get Shug Knight and Lawrence Phillips mixed up and their crimes, you know.

Which one was Lawrence Phillips? Lawrence Phillips was in jail. Didn't he, like, run over a kid during a street basketball dispute? After he was in and out of jail for a long time. You're talking about the football player, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, it's a weird. I didn't know. I didn't know he was. I very vaguely remember that name. I think they both. Nebraska, right? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Did he run over a kid? Yeah, I think it was him. I think Shug Knight may have as well. I think they're both, you know, individuals who leverage their vehicles to menace individuals. Yeah. He dragged.

August, August 21st. 2005, Billows was arrested for assaulting, for assault after driving a car into three teenagers following a dispute during a pickup football game. Told you. Told you. Look up Shug Knight too. Now too, because I think he got in trouble for running out of someone. That's wild. Isn't that incredible?

Especially after he got suspended. Oh, God. Do you want to type in Shug Knight, pulled up his Wikipedia? Do you want to guess how long the legal trouble section of his Wikipedia is? Four pages? two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. There's twelve entries. Wow.

Shug. Damn. Robbery, voluntary manslaughter. That's probably the... Yep. Crash his car into two men killing Terry Carter. Do you. No, no pick of football on that one, no.

No, no. That was 20, that was 2015. Jesus, that feels like... I was to say, that seems late for Shug. But, you know, dude. Fucking Shug, man. Anyways, we're doing young guns with Emilio Estevez. Melio!

As well as countless other, this is a, the cast. Who's who? You know, we got Emilio, Kiefer Sutherland, my boy, LDP. Yeah, Lou, Diamond Phillips. I'm fucking lovely. We got Charlie Sheen. Fucking, what's his name, Dermit Mill Rooney's in this? Yeah, he's, uh, what is he, uh, what's his name in?

new girl he's he's he's mr fancy pants yeah yeah mr fancy pants he's the the old rich guy that that she dates yeah that nick like becomes weirdly obsessed yeah well because he's he smells like mahogany right isn't that what it is yeah he's just sitting behind his office doing business yeah oh incredible incredible stuff and then we also have uh uh terence stamp who plays tonstole Terry O'Quinn from Lost is the lawyer guy, McSween. Jack Palance is LG Murphy. Who's who? This movie, I...

Terrence Stamp. He's... I loved him and yeah, it's a yes man. He's like the motivational speaker and yes man. Oh, yeah. That's where I always think of him from... It's, yeah, it's, God, there's just... There were so many people in this movie.

it was unbelievable and a lot of just like oh i know that guy from somewhere yeah like oh like so many of like oh what are they from you know what i mean yeah um this movie though um there's a lot better than i remember um i same and it got it it i think i need i think i need to become i need to start getting into westerns because i i very rarely watch westerns especially old westerns i have no idea what's going on my grandma was real fucking into what she's a big john wayne lady yeah my folks um watch so i watched a lot john wayne grown up i feel like i need to i feel like that's i feel like that's like that's like my old as i get older i feel like that might be my knee my niche dude is getting into westerns because whenever i watched these movies like this i felt like within five

seconds i was like dude i was born in the wrong time i should have been a fucking gunslinger dude i mean you think that and then you watch a show like Deadwood. Have you ever seen Deadwood? I love Deadwood, yeah. Yeah, like, which is a probably the most honest depiction of these times. Like, and then like you watch that show and you're like, you know, maybe I'd prefer time of running water and running, you know, running, running water is the biggest deterrent for me. Running water is is, is I just, may be a deal breaker. So,

I don't think people realize nowadays, right? Just how bad everyone smelled. Well, I think they would ride in and smell like horses and cow shit and like not shower for three months or ever. It's like some people never shower their whole lives. Yeah. I think I think especially if you're out in like out in the West, you know, and not in like, you know, back east in, you know, in a, in, in, on the East Coast in city civilization. If you're out, if you're out west, I feel like it would be the norm.

I feel like you would get used to it. It would just like everyone smells, everything smells. You just get used to the smell. It smells 24-7. You would just get used to it, you know? Yeah. I guess it's like when I worked at the wastewater treatment plant, you know, same thing. After a while, it was just, you know, just part of it.

It just becomes part of you, you know? Yeah. It becomes you become one with the smell. Yeah, that's one thing I always think about though. I just want to I want to I want to ride a horse over the Rockies. That's really what I want to do. You know, I mean, not during winter though, during summer, obviously. I'm not fucking crazy.

Like the thrill of being on your horse. Coming up over the crust. I don't even need to shoot the guns. I just want to be on a horse coming up over the crest of a mountain and looking, you know? No, you're 1,000 percent right, but what I was going to say is like just the thrill, like the emotional thrill of like shooting your way out of a town at full speed on your horse and getting away. I bet that is.

Now you're talking, now you're talking like Billy the kid here. We're killing people all the time. I bet that's an adrenaline. Like, oh my God, my guys was thinking about that. I was like, I bet that's such a rush. Emilio did a fantastic job in this movie because you can litter, you can, you can see the adrenaline rush. Billy the kid gets when he, when he kills somebody. Like that bathroom scene where he has the gun in his pants and he's just fucking smiling the whole time.

Like when he's after he shoots him, he's like, hi! Like, holy shit, it worked. By the way, you're arrested. but can i say something maybe controversial that i feel like needs to be said really um okay billy the kid kind of an asshole yeah yeah yeah yeah he's he's the worst like he his constant selfish decision making at all times just the the ego yeah yeah the sheer ego of it all and like it was it really they did it was funny how they painted like he really bought into all the stories in

the papers you know what I mean like they would read the stories and he'd be like my god is it they're not wrong even though it was like all the other guys around him doing a lot of it he was just getting credit for it all yeah so I read up a little more on on Billy the kid um before we did before recording this and yeah it's it's history to it it says Billy the kid um the amount of people that he killed is highly disputed. He claimed 21 but you know

fact checking sources say it's more like 8 so he's he is greatly inflating his numbers and like you said he's getting credit for like Dermit Melrooney's what's the name of his guy he was a dirty Steve Stevens great name by the way

Dirty Steve Stevens yeah didn't his teeth the freaking black. Well, that's why he's dirty, dude. Always with that. But, well, I mean, it made sense they were black, dude. Just big, like the big wads of chaw.

Like, they need to get so much. That was like sandlot level. Yes. Yes. Like, this is, this is another. Just like how we need to act, like, we've been advocating for the bringing back of cigarettes, right? Like, we need to bring back like old dirty chaw.

Get these zins out of here, Brandon. I'm the opposite, dude. I'm the opposite, I'm the opposite. I've become a Zen guy. I'm a Zen guy now. No way. You're a Zing guy. Do you do?

I've never done a Zin before. Is it just like tobacco pouches? Like, but do you spit? It doesn't look like people have to spit. There's no tobacco. There's no tobacco. Oh. So it's just,

it's nicotine straight to the dome. That's what it is. Oh my Lord. Is it the first one just the biggest head rush you've ever had in your entire life? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. The first time I did it, I was also drinking while drinking. Well, I was drinking very heavily the first time.

Oh, do you throw up? No, no, no. But it's it was definitely, it was definitely too much of a head rush, that's for sure. You get used to it though. But yeah, it's nicotine straight to the dome. And I do, I'm a pussy. I do the lowest because you can get them like really high. I think it's still milligram weight, right?

You can get real real high dosage. I just do the below one. I think it's like three or something. That's plenty for me. I'm not a, I'm not. When I say I'm a Zen guy, I'm like a,

you know, one a day kind of guy. I don't, I know people that, like I have, I have a buddy that does, would do like six a day, six to 10 a day,

just fucking ripping them. But I can't do that. I could never do chew. You could never do that. That was what always made me throw up was the fucking chew. Plus spitting all the time. That's the beauty of Zen.

You just put it in. You just, you know, I don't, I don't do the upper deckies either. I just, I'm a lower, lower deck kind of guy,

you know, upper, upper deckies. But then you don't have to spit. You don't need, yeah, you don't need like a cup all around with you. It's,

uh, it's so much easier. Dude, I love that character. That just being the dirtiest, chew, like the big old, fat wads a child.

It's fantastic. I brought him up because we were saying, Billy the kids getting credit for everybody else is kills too. Like that when he kills the dude in the bathroom and then they get into the shootout and then the article the next day or the next week or whatever. Billy the kid kills four.

Yeah. And dirty Steve Stevens. Like they didn't even mention the two I got. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of, inflated storytelling. I mean, but that's how, you know,

the best legends are built, you know, urban legends. Again, being born in the wrong time, like back then, back then you could do whatever the fuck you wanted. You could make up whatever. These people, they get, okay, so they get, so they, it's a bunch of, the regulators are a bunch of misfit kids, right? Yeah, he teaches them to read. They get brought in by this weird English guy.

Yeah, who's, yeah, he seems sketch. Tunstall seemed a little sketchy to me. Yeah, well, I mean, they called it out. Like a couple of those guys called out like, hey, you love taking in boys, don't you? He's very friendly with a lot of young boys. Yeah. Epstein. Tunstall Island, right?

Brandon, damn it. Get us canceled. I was thinking in a nicer way, you know, like more. more Hagrid where you know it's like the Theovan clip it's like listen you can hang out with a bunch kids all the time if you want to I'm not going to judge you but people will

Hackley didn't hang out with him a bunch though he did he's in like he's in like three scenes in the movie he is he spends towards the end you're like you know he's really good friends with these little kids like they're like buddies it's it gets a little weird but I love Hagrid

don't get brown I don't know sounds like you're sounds like you don't okay but but um uh you can do whatever the fuck you wanted

Tunstall you know but so the regulator is a group of misfit kids Tunstall takes him in um he's running a cattle farm so he's trying to get big on the cattle um there's another cattle farmer

dude uh the Irish guy Murphy this so this was a tough movie for me he's okay Why do you hate cattle? No, no, I don't hate cattle. This was real tough for me.

You hate farms? This was real tough for me because the, you know, you know there's two things that I hate in this world. Heath, okay. That's the law and the English, okay? So for you, everyone was the bad guy. Yes, I had nobody knew because the, the Irish were the lawmen. What do we do in here? Who am I supposed to root for?

It was real tough for me. That's my favorite part of the whole movie was the peyote trip. That was great. The peyote trip was solid. But I was just like, oh my God, they're just, yep, okay, we're just going to have a five-minute peyote scene. Let's go. Like, what a great scene. It was awesome.

Chavez, Lou Diamond Phillips, leading these, leaving, freaking Amelia, Javito. Dude, I love it. I love LDP, dude. I fucking love that guy. I mean, he's a... La Bamba? La Bamba is fantastic.

He's fantastic in his episode in Syke when he's in, you know, the episode in Syke, when it's Syke versus Syke. When the girl is... That's right. I always forget that's LDP. I always forget that.

Yeah, yeah, he's great. Did you ever watch Longmeyer? No. My dad got reeled to Longmeyer a couple years ago. I was like, um, binging it with him and, uh, LDPs on that. He was great in that. Um, but, um, like I said, like you could, this was, these were the times where you could

literally do whatever you want. Like I said, they, they go into Tunstall. Tunstool gets murdered by Murphy, the other cattle guy. Yeah. Who, who, I'm going to take over the cattle industry. You're just going to have to get, die. You're just going to have to die. And Murphy essentially.

owns the town um and so nobody's gonna nobody will go after his his crew even the they get the who was the old guy they were they were getting him to uh um to deputize uh the the regulators i forget what what title that old man had but he was terrified to do it he was like i don't want to do it i don't want to do it then finally he gives him and he deputizes this uh group of seven six or seven 21 year olds who clearly have revenge in their eye yeah they they weren't even that old were they that's true he says the oldest one is 21 yeah debitizes them which i think would have been uh charlie sheen's character dick um because he was the real leader well how until he died you know tragically did dude that that that scene was so weird that the out like he's just like i'm

here to kill you let me just go into this outhouse and start shooting all of you like in submission it was it was wild like i was just they they did not handle that because amelia and charlie were too busy fighting each other they did not handle they didn't plan very well for that um no um is that the scene where or is it the the one before that's her dick get shot yeah but is it though is that's the same scene it might be the one before where um they're trying to they're like hiding behind something it no it is this one it is this one and um they're like hiding behind um a wagon or whatever so they're some sort of shield and they're like uh like you go no you go no you go and then charlie charlie uh sheen's character

dick uh like just basically double dog dares billy the kid he's like i i fucking dare you dude go you go first and that's what gets that's what gets him to do it you just got to give him a dare. Yeah. Was it was it this one? Yeah, yeah, this one. I also loved

Emilio screaming Charlie. Charlie! Charlie! Just I was flashing back to the Mighty Ducks. Like, I was just like that's at the end. Charlie does at the end. Yeah, yeah. But when he's screaming, Charlie, freaking loved it.

Yeah. Screaming Charlie. um i did there there were there were some good some good motivational like moments too we are channeled his inner bombay come on the the line the kid motivational speeches the line the speech where he's like you got to test yourself every day you get soft you fucking pussies yeah that was that was ridiculous um i did i did love the um when they're in warres and he's i think he is he talking to doc and he's having Doc write a letter to the, you know, the sheriff or, I forget everybody's titles, but write a like a surrender letter. He has Doc write a whole fucking surrender letter.

And then at the end he goes, P.S. I changed my mind. Kiss my ass. Oh, fucking Billy the kid, dude. What a son of a bitch. Okay, hold on. The guy that plays Buckshot. What's his name?

Buckshot Roberts. Rogers, I think. It's Roberts. It's Roberts. It's Robert's. It's the guy that goes into the outhouse and kills Dick. I cannot figure out where I knew his picture from on here. He is the dad from the OG parent trap.

OG parent trap. Yeah. O.G. Brian Keith. Yeah. Before pre. Pre. Pre.

Lindsay Lohan. But yeah, they were from like the 50s, right? Yeah. Yeah. It's the best. That's the best one. I don't really relate to the Lindsay Lohan one. But also while I was trying to figure out who this guy was, did you know Tom Cruise was in Young Guns, Brandon?

The Cruz? Yeah. Tom Cruise has a very brief, uncredited cameo in Young Guns. I mean, that makes sense. That makes sense. This is, this is just, that makes sense. This is just the rap pack with guns, this movie. Okay.

It's, it's, he's quickly shot and killed by one of the regulators, but he was just, um, he was visiting the set while visiting a different, while filming a different scene. Oh shit. So he just jumped in. Randy Travis is in this movie too. Oh, what? He's an, uh, uncredited henchman too, I believe. Didn't Randy Travis get arrested.

for just being off his mind, like, wasted. Did he run over a kid? No. But I think maybe I'm getting him confused. What if we were just, what if we just jogged our memory of everybody who's ever bringing over somebody? This is such a,

oh boy. Oh, yeah, yeah, public intoxication. Yeah, I put, I put Randy Travis arrest in, in plural came up as the first search. It's got a, his public intoxication has a whole paragraph on, on Wikipedia. Nice. Multiple incidents in the early 2010s.

Yeah, this is just, this really was such a incredibly well done movie. 1988, like it didn't get like, it didn't have like the 80s campy vibes. Like I thought they did a good job of like, you know, like they made. a they tried to stay authentic to the western feel while also kind of giving it a modern feel kind of spin up like 80s modern spin up yeah like you said it doesn't come off too campy it is it is weird because it's easy to get into the spaghetti western from like western like this doesn't have the spaghetti western like feel or silliness it like it stay like you know you stay kind of locked into the action and the energy and amelio is super believable as like it did it did take me a beat to because like i said this is just the rap pack with guns so it took me a it took me a beat to to you know because i like he said so many people are in this movie they're so recognizable that it took me a beat to be to get into it to be like oh to accept amelio as you know as

you know as clearly kid it took it took a beat but um but everybody crushes it in this yeah i thought i thought it was i thought amelia did a fun take is like a he for seelious and in shitty you know like he's like a little shit head yeah yeah i think keifer stole the show from you though kefir was doc just doc yeah he does he does do a good job he falls in love what do they call her what that that poor lady that poor lady feels so bad for her i feel what did they even uh so let's did it celestial is that how they described her was that what they said how they described her i don't know her her name was uh yin's son uh the character's name um played by alice carter but i felt even fucking even kefir like he uh he uh he just he just grabs her and starts

dancing with her and then um oh yeah in the old west because the Celestial Empire was described as China. So they would call them Celestials. Gotcha. Um, so he, he sees her at the dance, just grabs her, starts dancing with her. Then after they killed a couple of people, they go back to town and he sees her walking, you know, walking home or walking to the store or whatever. And he fucking runs out and is trying to give her just the shittiest, um, flowers, right?

Weeds. They were weeds. Shouldn't give her weeds. And she's like, And don't be a flower hater to one man's weed is another man's rose. But she's like, no, no, I can't. You know, I'm, she's essentially owned by Murphy. She's like, I can't,

I can't talk to you. Um, plus you're kind of scary. And he's, and he's like, how am I scary? All I have is flower is. She's like, oh, and the, the fucking revolver on your hip, bro. Yeah. Didn't he have like a little spray of blood on his like sure probably but then she goes she goes you're scary with your gun I'm going to leave leave me alone and she starts walking away and what after she's like you're scary leave me alone what does he do he decides to scream at her

he yells stop runs in front of her screaming in her face and is like hey if I don't take my flowers but tell the guy that owns you that I'm going to fucking kill him like this poor lady and then she and then he sneaks in then he breaks into the house breaks into her room he's like goes up to her and he's like you need to come away with me and she's like i've met you two times dude don't even know who you are and she says she says i don't know who you are i'm afraid you're going to cut me up into little pieces and eat me this is real stalker behavior buddy that poor lady just oh my i felt so bad for the like Like, I, I, I don't, I don't even want to see this because I don't believe it.

I was to say, maybe Kiefer, he's, he's coming, he's trying to come at it from a good point, you know. He's trying to help her. Yeah. But essentially he's just screaming in her face with a gun telling her he's going to kill everybody. Like, just wild. You rethink your approach here, Kiefer. Rethink your approach. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, it's, they were deputized as lawmen, and Charlie Sheen was ready for them to just be, you know, young sheriff guys, but. Billy the kid had vengeance on his mind. And then they just turned in. Shoot first. Ask questions later. Yeah. Make sense. It's the West. And they, so Billy Kitt starts killing everybody. And they are still deputized. after he kills him because they can do whatever the fuck they want um they they are only undeputized

uh when they kill the sheriff right yeah yeah that that's when that's when they lose their uh their diplomatic community to uh to quote psych again um yeah yeah it's you know they just wanted he was murdered in cold blood and that guy was a huge dick robbing all the farmers in the area but you know you just you got to do you can't just can't just be killing people all the time yeah yeah bill the kid again like I said he's an asshole he took it he took it took it took it too far um to circle back to doctor real quick I loved they they had the the bit they kept doing and I think they even do it in the in the sequel too um is he keeps

call himself a poet and then all of the poems that he reads and reads and says he wrote or like they read that that he wrote are all stolen i laughed so hard when he took credit for shakespeare he takes credit for edgar ell and poe later yes uh yes it's it was so good and that was i so i had that moment where i was like god how funny you could literally just make shit up and people be like, no way. That's like, dude, you are a poet. That's incredible. Like you could lie about anything.

Like, no, I drank 50 beers one time. You literally back, dude, yeah, back in those days, I mean, people would, I mean, people would call you a lie or whatever. But yeah, you could, you could do whatever the fuck you wanted, especially if you were deputized. The world is your fucking oyster, dude. Go shoot it up. And I love how every sheriff was just the drunkest dude in town. Oh, yeah, you got to be.

Like, that's like part of being a sheriff is just being hammered. Well, yeah, because I mean, it's the Wild West out there. You and the, even though you're a sheriff, the only real authority you have is the gun on your hip. And so it's like, okay. I mean, I can either spend, you know, every waking moment in a gun fight or I can just go get plastered. they'll figure it out, they'll work it out amongst themselves. It is a lot easier to, you know, bury the dead and hang the rest. Exactly.

You know, if there's a shootout, you bury the dead and hang the rest, and then you move on and have another, you know, shot of whiskey. Exactly. It's my favorite Western movie is McClintock. It's a real, real heater. It probably would get canceled. today because there's a whole thing where he spanks his wife for, you know, being a real piece of work. You know, she's just not being, you know, a good partner.

And so he spanks her to get and put her back in the line. We've all been there. The watch party finally makes it out of the group chat and, uh-oh, you volunteered to host. Suddenly you need snacks, drinks, dips, cups, and all the other party essentials. With Instacart, you can get all those groceries delivered in as fast as 60 minutes. No extra errands for you. One quick order for everyone. That way, everything shows up right on time, making hosting easy and like you had it

planned all along. Download the Instacard app today and get no markups at select retailers. Fees and exclusions apply. Peace, he, thief. Look up McClintock. You should watch it. I've seen McClintock, but that was years and years and years ago. I was watching it, and I was like, oh, yeah, this is the whole end scene is just him

that's how it ends that's what it ends yeah like like they get but like his his his his his his the spanking like somehow knocks the love back into her and they they they write off into the sunset it love oh my god yeah it's I'll tell you I was like wow I love this movie but it's pretty unhinged you have to it's on prime so you'll have to watch it if you're still excited let me knock the love back into you the spank not knock spank it's there's a difference you can you can there's love spanks brandon

you know that oh god you know what's uh to change subjects here real quick you know what's another uh really good modern western what's that um is uh the assassination of jesse james by the coward robert ford never watch that it's it's like early 2000s it's Brad Brad Pitt plays Jesse James Casey Affleck is Robert Ford

there's a bunch it's so like what's his name Sam Rockwell's in it Jeremy Renner's in it there's so many people are doing it's surprisingly good

I mean we're it's one of my favorite movies one of my favorite movies and the soundtrack it's top top five soundtrack for me a little time it's because the soundtracks by nick cave you know you know nick cave right and the bad seeds yeah he does the soundtrack for it it's so good highly recommend that movie especially for

westerns my sister and i were talking about that the other day they just don't do soundtracks like they used to you know like there's there were some like movies like dazed and confused clueless you had the clueless vinyl we talked about that one of the last episodes like yeah soundtrack tracks to movies used to just have some real heaters and sometimes custom title tracks, you know, and like it was, you know, they just don't just don't make them like they used to, Brandon. Very few and far between you can find some. Like that, that Jesse James movie, that soundtrack with Nick Cave is real good.

Um, because he does, um, yeah, like he said, it's a custom score. A lot of, uh, like slow piano work real nice. Um, the daf punk tron soundtrack that was tight do you remember that tron legacy the like sequel that daf punk did the soundtrack for that was a tight soundtrack oh nice okay um but yeah it you don't get you don't it's very few and far between you get that kind of soundtrack work now either it's like hans zimmer stuff where it's like it's good but it's like crazy you know you know overproduced and in uh not not to bad mouth hon summer but it all starts to sound the same or it's just like uh you know weird uh like it's just popular songs that they throw in

that don't really you know fit per se you know it's it's it doesn't have personality but we know speaking of westerns with great soundtracks we're forgetting the top one brandon wild wild west the Will Smith classic Wild West Jim West Desperado Something no you don't want Nata none of this Six gunninus

Brother Runninist I was I was talking about Will Smith I know exactly I'm not I was never a big fan of Of that movie though

No it's Brad it's a terrible movie like It was Widened I don't think anyone actually likes that movie. I was just kidding.

It's a bad movie. It's bad. Selma Hayek. And it's not so bad that it becomes good either. It's just bad. It's just bad. It was always on TNT for some reason. I don't know what.

I don't know what kind of deal with the devil TNT made with that movie. I think Will Smith had a personal deal with T&T because that was always on their bad boys was always on TNT. Well, but that's not complaining about bad boys always being. Well, no, no. That's another good soundtrack, too. I'm just, I'm just saying Will Smith was a constant on T&T, all those those Will Smith movies. Yep. Hitch, you know.

I just watched that the other day. It's pretty good. Did you? No, I mean, come on, Kevin James is great. Yeah, I forgot. You're a big, you're a big, uh, KJ guy. Big, yeah. Oh, of course, of course.

Dude, here comes the boom. the worst Kevin James movie Cinema Gold dude if you don't believe Kevin James as a UFC fighter then I don't know to tell you random maybe movies aren't for you

oh my gosh Kevin James man would you consider holes a Western movie because the scene when they're on the camp it's very western you know okay you're okay what i'm tired grandpa that's too that bad it's it okay so your reasoning is just because they're in a desert you think it's a western

yep that's that's not right um but i will say is it a western is a great question because it kind of does fit into the genre, irregardless of it being in the fucking desert. No. So here we're here. So not just the desert though, Brandon, you have a group of outlaws.

Yeah. Set out to the desert where they fight against the, the law, but we find out that the law was actually, you know, bought out. It's a tale as old as time when it comes to westerns, Brandon.

I think you might. I think you, I think. Ir regardless of your bullshit reason that just because it's in the desert, it's a Western. I do, I do think it is a Western movie. I think you're right. I think it hits all the genre points that a Western should. Google that.

See if is it a Western? I was just like, did you see me? Like my arm started like lifting up to the computer screen. I'm like, all right, I got to Google this. I do. I do think you're right. I think it hits all the genre points. Dude, holes being a Western is going to piss people off the same way like the people are like a hot dog as a sandwich.

I think you're right though. I think if I think it hits. Dude, it pops right up. It pops right up. And it says, yes, holes is considered a modern Western or a neo-Western comedy drama. There we go. Maybe classic Western themes like outlaws, treasure hunting, harsh, harsh, desert landscapes, you fucking motherfucker.

And historical flashbacks to the 19th century old West. I was going to say maybe, maybe Holes is obviously a Western and we're just, like everybody knew it and we're just now figuring it out. Yeah, well, of course, we're the dumbest people in the, in the room, Brandon. Come on. It's, and it's all. It only took me 20 years to figure out it's a Western. Yeah, that's it.

Some guys on his, uh, TikTok keyboard is like, Oh my God. These people don't even know anything about mid-2000s Western movies. What voice is that? That's a modern, espian. Critiquing our movie critiques. Okay. Okay.

You wouldn't get it, Brandon. I wouldn't. I don't. Who would you be? These are always my favorite questions with these types of movies. Who would you be in the Young Guns, Brandon? Who do you think you'd be? I'm LDP 100% of the way.

I'm Chavez. Chavito, although he's not Chavito. He calls everybody else Chavita. I'm LDP all the way. He's really? You're throwing knives, taking dudes out.

Doing peyote. Fucking living the dream. You're trying to find the spirit horse, dude. Did I? I pictured you much more doc than than Chavez. As Doc? I'm not a doc.

Oh, dude, your doc is so emo. Doc is so emo. You're so doc. How is Doc emo? His love, how much he loves and pines for that girl. The,

I mean, it's not really emo. Yeah. You wouldn't get it, Brandon. You don't know shit about being emo. I'm LDP, dude. You know, you're fucking dirty Steve Stevens.

You fucking weird. I knew you were going to say that. I think I'm more Charlie Sheen. No, you're a, you're a Murphy Hinchman through and through, bro. Murphy Hinchman. You're Tom Cruise. You're Tom Cruise. Just a random that gets murdered instantly?

Yeah, just a random dirty lawman. That's what you are. Dirty Lawman, Hingman. Wow, Brandon, that is hurtful. No, you know who I? I am I'm buckshot Roberts. No, because there's not,

there's, there's not a chance in hell you could hit anything with a gun. Oh, you've never seen me shoot, Brandon. Yeah, because you miss all the time. Yeah,

right. No, who do you? I, I, I think I'm more Chavez than, than Doc. Especially if we're going,

if we're going emo, Chavez is pretty fucking emo. Well, I guess that is. He's always talking about the, the afterlife and, you know, especially not

spoiler especially in the second one that's that is true okay fine you're right I'll let you I'll give you I'll give you Chavez maybe you know not to

not to spoiler alert again because we're going to talk about the second one you know who you are you're Arkansas Dave I am fucking Arkansas Dave they're just

hey I killed everybody quit like i'm the leader i killed everyone we we can talk about this when we do when we do the second one but the fact that every time he meets somebody new he goes i'm arkansas dave it's it was fucking i was i know me uh that's i'm gonna start interview i'm nebraska heath dude uh we can we can get into the names and the second one because i i have a whole thing about arkansas dave and how we need to bring those type of names back okay yeah um Um, yeah, okay.

So let's go back. The, the end of the movie is, you know, poor Alexander, the guy that's going to try and, you know, go to the governor to get the, the shady dudes. That's the lawyer, right, McSween, Alexander McSweene. Yep. And the lost guy, Terry O'Quinn. He's in other stuff, too, not just lost, but. Oh, yeah, he's in so much stuff. What was it?

Lost. Um fuck what else he's in he's one of those guys who's in like one episode of every TV show you've ever seen yep that's exactly what I was going to say

you'd probably know him from Christmas sale like sailing like sailboat oh he's in the Rocketeer love that yeah dude the Rocketeer is one of those movies that I

remember watching the end of a thousand times because you know when you recorded six movies on a VHS it was the movie before Sister Act 2 on the VHS and so I just remember watching the end of Rocketeer a thousand times okay it's really kind of made me hate the movie in the long run but God I just hate this movie get this movie off this VHS I just need some Sweet, sweet sister act too. Yeah, Rocketeer, not that great of a movie. But so what were you saying?

He was the poor Alex. Oh, yeah, because he gets shot, right? Yeah, he gets shot. They just, so I do have to say the decision, and I think they did this in the second movie too. The decision to, it's like, hey, we're in this building. These guys are surrounding the building to kill us. let's toss the women to them in hopes that they treat them humanely.

Like, what? Let's like tossing the ladies to a pack of ravenous wolves. Like that, that's a wide. I just, I couldn't believe it. And if I'm the girl, I'm like, no, I would much rather go down and hail a bullet than at the hands of some freaking weirdos. Sometimes you just got to spank the love into them, you know? Yes, Brandon. it yeah um yeah that that was a wild choice to throw them to throw them out um

the yeah the the end of this movie when they they gave um you know cornered and how did they not think that was the setup yeah that should have been fucking it says they they constantly fall even spoiler going into the second one they are constantly falling into traps and like the like the most obvious of all traps but maybe it's like you know it was the 1800s right that's when it was set so like they didn't know these were 161ish I want to say you know these they're they're seeing these traps for the first time ever in the history of traps being set on people so you know to be fair they they weren't very bright this is this is late

this is 1890s 188 late 18 80s into the 90s. Yeah. Oh, Civil War. Yeah. Like, see, like, they're just, they're seeing these traps in these okey docks for the first time and they're not the sharpest of boys, you know, so that's... They're not even 21 yet.

Yeah. Just, just young, young and dumb and smelly in the case of Dirty Steve. They were all pretty smelly. Yeah. Dude. Imagine, speaking of Deadwood, imagine a brothel at this point in time. I think,

yeah, gross. Everybody's got syphilis. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Could you imagine? Those were the days.

I mean, not much has changed in that department, it sounds like, but I don't know. I don't think people get syphilis as much as they used to you. Oh, according to this, it's not one of the statistics.

I don't know I mean people are still getting STDs like crazy for sure I don't think syphilis is one is one of the big ones anymore though Although wait is syphilis the one that you that you don't really get symptoms for So maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe a lot of people do have civilis we just don't know Yeah who who knows I mean the statistics are alarming at best you know when it comes to that kind of stuff did you see this is a I saw there was a Fox News clip the other day where they were looking at like birth rates and stuff and they had a like an age group for like teen pregnancies and that's taken a sharp I think I forget the numbers they gave but it's it's gone down in the last 20 years like substantially and they sounded kind of upset about that they need to re-release Juneau. in theaters make teen pregnancy cool again oh i was like why why would that help but that's gonna make it cool again teen moms right remember when that was an mtv show and they like really like there's a lot of drama maybe i'm remembering it i don't think that i thought they really glorified it i think that might

have been a big factor for that for for the decline is those shows oh okay gotcha i don't i don't I don't remember what the show's about. I don't think they were making them look cool. I thought they were glorifying the team mom ship. Okay, so maybe you're right. Maybe that's what happened. I mean, they glorified it in the fact that all those girls got, you know, real famous.

Real famous. I don't know how rich they got. I don't know if MTV's royalties were paying them big bucks. I have a feeling. Probably not. Yeah, I don't think the, I think those shows might have had a help in the decline because, It was just them screaming at either their parents or the baby daddy for the whole time.

So it's like, I don't want this. Just a couple experts. Yeah, sorry. I don't know why we got on that. But so, yeah, we're in the, at the end of the movie, they get cornered in this house. We get a shootout with the Murphy Men. Also, we have a, we forgot to mention, Pat Garrett is mobbing around for a couple of scenes in this movie. Now, Pat Garrett famously is the guy who kills Billy the kid in real life, supposedly, because a lot of people don't believe that he actually died then.

there's a lot of information about Billy the Kid none of it is substantiated it's all rumor it's all to WWE rumor and innuendo yeah he might as well be the undertaker yeah that's jr is on a podcast talking about his rumor and innuendo yeah but um but pat garrett uh is he's in like three scenes and the last one we see him in he's like hey they're going to they're trying to make me sheriff so you you know, watch back kind of thing. Which was weird to have him just kind of, I don't know. That was an interesting choice to have him pop up and not actually utilize him.

But at the end, it's all the, the Murphy men, corner him in the house. There's a couple lawmen, maybe a sheriff or two, I forget. I don't know. But we get the shoot out, Heath. That's when they throw the women out. What else do they do? I don't know. They shoot.

at each other is this the one where they put i might be missing this up with two is this the one where they put they put uh emilio in a uh like a uh a chest and throw him out the window and then he pops out the chest oh my god i forgot about that yes it's uh it's incredible when he put they throw the chest down he pops out of it like a fucking uh jack in the box is that was wild um but so the the shootouts going um Charlie gets hit dirt is is dirty Steve Stevens dead by this point I know Dick is dead does Steve die in the shootout or does he die before do you remember I think he dies in the shootout right I think him and Charlie die in the shootout.

Yes. Yes. Doc, Doc gets away and runs off. Chavez and Billy get away and they ride off in the same direction. And then

that's when Billy sneaks back around and from just a wild distance shoots Murphy in the head. Just point blank right in the head. Yeah, that seemed he seemed awful far away to do that, but with a handgun too. Yeah.

Like there's no way. Zero percent chance he's hitting that shot, Brandon. That's like a one in a minute. I don't know. He is, he is Prince of the Pistoliers. But back then, I don't know if it would have even gone that far. I'm sure it would, I mean, it wasn't that far. I think it would have gone.

With nothing in its way, I'm sure it would have gone that far. I don't know. I'm not a gun expert. No. But it did seem too far away to hit him dead center in the head. They did a pretty good job. Like, you know, as you read through the historical accuracy pieces, like, they embellished all over the place. But, like, I think they embellished in a way that didn't, like, retract from, like, the original, like, story in the original, like, the people, you know.

at least like from what you hear about the people like I thought it was like fun embellishments as somebody who's not a huge Billy the Kid historian I other than like a very quick Wikipedia scam I don't know too much about him but it didn't seem so out nothing seemed to real out of place you know yeah I know the original siege at the property it was supposed to have lasted five days in life yeah that's a long that's a long siege yeah a lot of the the the the shootouts were were super long we didn't get a duel I was kind of hoping for a duel you know yeah that's true what good old-fashioned duel you know but so so Billy the kid gets away shoots Murphy so Murphy's dead dead and gone Chavez gets away doc gets

away they all run away in their separate ways he's yeah um pals that's right he keeps yeah pals he keeps because Chavez tries to go he tries to go he tries to run away to California and Billy the kid gives him a huge fucking guilt trip it's like we're your family now we're pals he he kept preaching brotherhood and pals quite a bit for somebody who a was leading them in weird directions and gaslighting them about exactly where they're going

it was a very one-sight it seemed like a very one-sided friendship uh friendship because like we said he's he's a Billy kid's a fucking asshole. He was not, he was not reciprocating a lot of the, the friendship he was demanding. Yeah. It's typical,

typical dictator ship. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Classic cult behavior. Yeah. Yeah. But so, so,

good movie. Those are the only three that lived, right? Everybody else, even, even the lawyer dies. Yep. Um, yeah,

uh, they kill the southern, Sutherland, Emilio and Lou Diamond. Phillips are the only three and they make it to the they make it to the sequel lDP i didn't know they made a sequel but like they put a lot in seemed like they put a lot into the sequel i'm excited for us to talk about it i don't think they were planning on a sequel you can i i feel like um like to get everyone back in their same roles and those key roles is pretty good

though yeah i don't think they were planning on the they there is it the because pat garrett is in the second one, played by a different actor. So that's the only one that kind of switched. I don't think they were playing, but the way they wrapped everything up and ended, the way they ended this movie, I do not think they were. Yeah,

because they have Billy the kid dying and getting buried next to so-and-so, and they carved pals on the grapstone. Yeah, I don't think they were planning on making a sequel. I think this movie just became such a hit that they were like, oh, fuck, Let's do a, let's do it number two. Did you hear they're doing a third one?

No way. Amelia, I believe Amelia wrote the script for it. I don't know how far along it is, though. I don't think, I don't think they're filming yet. Yeah. But I know that is something they have been working on is Young Guns 3. Nice. I love it.

Well, right on. That's exciting. Well, Young Guns, too, coming up. Let's do some cakey ratings, Brandon. What do you got? You go first. I like this movie a lot. I forgot about this movie. I always forget about this movie.

It's like you said, the first five to ten minutes I had to get Coach Bombay out of my head. And every once in a while he would say things and I would see Coach Bombay on the bench. But once I fought through that, I thought he was a real mischievous and, you know, very like pain in the ass, Billy the kid. Like, you know, schoolboy pain in the ass is what I always thought of with Emilio there. But anyways, I liked it. I thought it was good. I'm going to do 3.8.

3.8? No, 3.6. I didn't mean to change your score there. No, 3.64. Okay. I liked it a lot. it was great not a 3.8 are you sure not a 3.6 positive positive thank you swear 3.64 because i almost said 3.5 and then i went 3.8 and then i was like yeah you're right that was

i jumped too high especially well i don't know on the heath scale 38 you know that's what you gave buddy games no it is that i hate that movie brand don't don't blasphemy me like that but anyways it's it's a it's a great movie it's a really awesome western 80s it's got the brat pack from the 80s in there it's it checked all the boxes

of 80s action movie that I like to rewatch oh okay 364 I agree this is this is a lot better than I remember it being I'd only seen it once before and then this was one of those movies that was on you know TBS or T and

so I saw scenes and glimpses and stuff. I'm going to give it a 3-1. I think it's a solid modern Western for sure. It's no holes, no holes. Yeah, no holes. That's for sure. I enjoyed it. I thought it was good.

I thought Emilio did great. Like I mentioned and you reiterated, it takes a beat to snap into Western mode with Emilio, just because he's such a, like this would have been, right after breakfast club right after um this is it the outsiders is that's what i'm thinking of with the with all the brat pack guys um this would have been right after that so like to to snap into amelia western mode took a took a beat um but he did great i enjoyed kefer i thought keever uh stole the show

like i said i'm a sucker for ldp i give it a three one solid solid modern western. I really, I need to get into westerns. I think that's, that's my next move is to just become a Western guy, you know? I love it. You should start wearing cowboy boots. I heard they're really comfortable.

No, I can't pull off cowboy boots. I can't be like an actual Western guy. I'm not cool enough for that. Yeah, you're, you watch and consume the Westernness, but you can't imitate or dress. No, because like you said, it smells. It's real smelly.

I don't want to be a part of that. And they all got syphilis. Good Lord, but okay. Anything else? Close it up, shut it down. You know. Regulators. Mound up.

Safe sex, everybody. No syphilis. Let's skin out. That's what they'd always say. Skin out. No. Yeah, we did. Yeah, but we don't want skin out.

Wrap it up. No skin out. You're giving mixed messages here, Heath. Right after I said safe sex, he said skin out. Well, Brandon, God, damn it. Don't be like, heath, don't get syphilis.