The Cake Eaters - 24. An Ode to Coach Reilly and the Hawks
Episode Date: February 1, 2022Heath & Brandon discuss their favorite cakes, what to do at Universal Studios, the best Evil Duos and Bad Guy Coaches, and talk about their love for Coach Jack Reilly and the District 6 Hawks of E...dina. Follow us at www.thecakeaterspod.com and on Twitter (@thecakeeaters) and Instagram (@thecakeeaterspod) Email us at thecakeeaterspod@gmail.com
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It's not worth winning if you can't win!
And welcome back everybody to the Cake Eaters podcast, your go-to Mighty Ducks podcast.
Today we have another very special episode as we go through D1.
Today we're talking solely about the second greatest hockey team in movie history,
and that's going to be the District 6 Hawks, the Edina Hawks.
All right, all Edina Hawks. All right.
All right.
All right.
Brandon, it is time. Like you said, District Six, the Edina Hawks, the cake eaters are here in full force.
The original cake eaters.
Wow.
It's time.
We've said it in previous posts.
We are Hawks apologists through and through and now it's time
to take a deep dive into the former villain current basement dweller current laughing
yeah we'll get into that a little bit later at the the grave injustice of game changers
how do you change the colors?
How do you just... The changing of the colors, making them
a trash team.
It's like making the Yankees come out in a pink uniform.
It's fucking bullshit.
Didn't they have the pink uniforms
for breast cancer awareness, though?
Oh, like pink highlights.
But I'm talking if they came out
just like pink.
I know you were trying to make a point. I was just
being a dick.
The Yankees for a while
used to not participate
in those kind of things.
When George Steinbrenner was still alive, I remember
there was... No fluff with Steinbrenner.
No, no, no. Because the MLB
in the late 90s, I think it was
like 99, they had the
turn-ahead-the-clock promotion, where a bunch of teams had real futuristic be in like the late 90s i think it was like 99 they had the turn ahead the clock promotion
where a bunch of teams had like real futuristic uh jerseys uh put out the the mets came out as
the mercury mets because in the future they thought they were gonna you know be playing on mercury
nice but uh then the yankees vma george sardinian runner and the Yankees vehemently opposed that and they didn't participate in it.
And then he died and
I think is his family
still involved? I think his family still owns it,
right? I think so.
But now I'm going to be honest. I don't
know shit about the Yankees, but now
they gave in and now they're doing all the
pink for breast cancer,
which is just a bullshit money grab.
Don't support Susanan j coman
that's a it's a garbage charity just a heads up for everybody garbage charity
dude if you want to i'm all for supporting breast cancer but don't support susan g coman
that charity's bullshit go do your homework and find a a real reputable breast cancer
charity all right so let me reel us back in here real quick before we start
ravaging through the, the ins and outs of charities and, you know, the ethical or unethical
behavior of such organizations. So, but I understand your point there. It would be like
the Yankees coming out and like Royal blue uniforms. It's weird. It doesn't make sense. It hurts your eyes.
But let's dive back in.
We're talking Hawks.
We're talking to cake eaters.
And Brandon, I have a little special treat for the listeners here because I actually have multiple definitions of cake eaters.
It's the namesake of our podcast.
It's near and dear to our hearts.
And I want to kick you off with the Merriam-Webster definition of cake eater.
And you're going to love this.
It is, and I quote, an effeminate party-going dandy.
Let me hit you with that one more time, Brandon.
Okay.
Quote, unquote, from the Merriam-Websterster dictionary a cake eater is
an effeminate party going
dandy you heard it here
first folks
that's a
lot to unpack
I feel like having
effeminate and dandy in the
same definition is
a bit redundant agree
but you know
who am I to say I'm not miriam webster so i i also
forget that like dandy used to be a legitimate insult for for people yeah oh yeah that guy's
a real dandy over there you know just not not used anymore but yeah that's just uh i i thought
that the listeners would love the miriam webster
definition it's in the dictionary our show but how cake eaters applies to our show let me hit
you with that real quick brandon i mean i i feel like that that definition applies to our show
i mean it's we're just a couple of them in a party going there's a lot too far off people i went to
yeah there's a lot of people i went to elementary school that would say that's pretty spot on you
know it's just i mean we did love to have a good time you know out in out in denver whether it was
red rocks or especially red rocks but you know... Listeners, if you're out there
and you are looking for one hell
of an outdoor concert-going party venue,
Red Rocks is for you.
Yep. Get your dandy on.
Yeah.
Go be in a feminine party-going dandy at Red Rocks.
It'll change you a little bit.
But anyway, so how it applies to our show
is it is well-known Minnesota slang, But anyway So how it applies to our show Is
It is well known
Minnesota slang
And it refers to people who live in Edina
Hence the Hawks
Which is a suburb of Minneapolis
For those that don't know
And a cake eater is a saying
For a person who is so rich
They can have their cake
And eat it too
See I've never
heard the dandy definition the the being able to have your cake and eat it to you that's how i
always understood it and yeah it's uh it's a much more popular nomenclature yeah and it's uh yeah
as you as you mentioned it's a very min thing. I believe if you Google cake eater, like Minnesota slang is the first thing that pops up.
And it's, yeah, it's about the Adina Hawks.
Man, but the Merriam-Webster definition is great too.
And we talked about it in a previous episode.
This very phrase can have negative impact on cake consuming habits in the future you know you mentioned i
still don't eat i don't eat cake um and yeah like i mentioned subconsciously i think this this has
a lot to do with it because you don't you don't want people walking by and just well now it's okay
for us to be known as cake eaters but as youths we didn't want we didn't want that uh didn't want
that smoke as the youths would say no i was not about that life yeah especially the the trouble
you ran into though is like if you were hitting up a birthday party right and you you want to make
sure you get enough you have enough cake right right? Like you want two slices, right?
So you're going in there and you're grabbing two right out the get-go.
Cause you don't want to come back and have, you know, no option for seconds.
So you grab two cakes, two slices of cakes,
you take it to your table and now what are you doing?
You have enough cake or how's it go? You have a,
you can have your cake and eat it too.
I can have a slice of cake and then I can eat a slice of cake too. That's how, that's how rich it is? You have a, you can have your cake and eat it too. I can have a slice of cake and then I can eat a slice of cake too.
That's how, that's how rich it is. That's a,
so you got to be careful at those birthday parties.
You don't want to take too much cake, label the cake.
So I understand where you were going,
but I don't think using like those birthday party cakes was a good example. They're usually not worth going back for seconds like you gotta really i'm
really picky about my my cake like an angel food cake uh maybe like a german chocolate cake uh you
know oh my you know like a better than sex cake have you ever had one of those uh no i can't
remember what's in it the only cakes i really fuck with are uh ice cream cakes like from gary queen
that was the goat that was the goat yeah
those those aren't bad you know good dairy queen ice cream and don't think when they do like the
fun decoration on top you know those ones you got to grab both slices at once because that shit's
gonna melt you gotta get there quick then you end up with uh with soup instead yeah
ice cream cake soup so anyway i mean that's a that's a good cake breakdown but you know i'm just
i'm very specific with my my cakes i can't handle like those really cheap like birthday cakes that
they get hard pass every time yeah i mean like i said i don't even really eat any of the fancy
cakes i'm a cake snob yeah there's a place uh called better sex. It's a dessert bar restaurant here in Savannah,
and they have some delightful cake desserts that I've thrown down on,
but it is very rich.
Like one was like,
it was like a bread pudding,
like cake type of thing with vanilla bean ice cream.
Very rich,
very rich.
All right.
All right.
All right.
So let me,
let me reign us back in from the cake eating.
That's too rich for my taste.
You know, it really was.
But then there was another one with like a, it was like a, like an apple crisp, apple
pie crumble with the vanilla bean ice cream and like caramel drizzle.
It's great.
It's good stuff.
So it's a pie, a pie, then not a cake.
Okay.
Yeah.
Well, you know, that that's it's an american classic
i can do that i can mess around with pie yeah that's it i i'll be honest you know where it's
really that does is the cheesecake that's what cheesecake is great but i am a pie person through
and through like i'm a pie guy brandon remember did you go to the uh pie and ice cream social
with me and Wayne, America,
when we went back for chicken days?
I think we did.
I love a good pie and ice cream social, man.
Get some of that homemade.
I think we did.
I'm pretty sure we did.
Maybe like a homemade peach, maybe a little strawberry rhubarb.
That's Big Mike's favorite, a little strawberry rhubarb pie with ice cream.
He'll throw down.
I think I remember going to the pie with ice cream he'll throw down i think i think i remember going to the pie
and ice cream social yeah for the listeners out there if you're not from beautiful lovely small
towns in the midwest uh yeah you want to talk about go find a pie and ice cream social you
want to talk about a cake eater town that's wayne nebraska oh come on way. That's salt of the earth right there.
All right. All right. So let's bring us back. We're talking
Hawks. Let's first
talk about two of the players,
two of the non
banks players.
And we want to start it
out with first on a
sad note where and Brandon, you're
going to have to grab his name for me because i'm
forgetting it off the top of my head um but so michael ohms i think michael ohms that's i think
that's how you pronounce his last name it's o-o-m-s ohms something like that and he plays
the character mcgill mcgill who is best known for my favorite line where Larson turns to him and says, what did you do after he took out banks?
And he says, my job.
Yes.
The ultimate soldier, as I like to call him, just taking orders and doing his job.
The Riley disciple.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The guy, the guy just lived and breathed all things Coach Riley told him,
and he became a hell of a hockey player for it.
Yeah, absolutely.
So Michael Ohms, he recently passed away on, I believe it was January 21st
or 22nd.
21st, right?
January 21st.
He had been he'd been battling
With with some pretty serious cancer for
For about a year I think or so
Something like finally finally passed away so
Rest in peace our condolences to
To me
R.I.P. McGill man
His mom who was also in
In in the Mighty Ducks series
So Michael was in D1
With McGill and then both him. So Michael was in D1 with McGill.
And then both him and Larson are in D2.
The beginning.
The beginning of D2 for a hot second.
When Fulton pants them and ties them to a tree.
Yeah, it's great stuff.
But so Michael's mom is also.
Michael's mom is in D1.
She plays the principal that they quack at.
No.
Yeah, her name is Claudia Wilia wilkins um oh i love that she plays the principal and then she's also she's also in d3 she plays one of the teachers
at uh eden hall so do you want to i like and i i like to believe that it's character you know
yeah wow that's the same character yes just goes goes from just gets sick and tired of
those people quacking kids quacking yeah so she goes and teaches at a private at the one of the
best private institutions in the country oh man that's a big upgrade for her there
the scott knows bastards aren't quacking at her anymore jokes on her they found her you know yeah but yeah that's
true she did you imagine the trauma it's like no if that's that conway kid again if that's the
reason you quit because fucking kids are quacking at you so you go to a private school and then
three years later they show up at the private school charlie has a reputation yeah that fucking conway kid man
i just don't want him in my class he'll start quacking at you yeah well and he was he was a
real fucking uh piece of shit in d3 that's what oh yeah so you know him and hooky and he's
bad mouthing everybody yeah that's when they were crushing rides at the mall of america and then
we're uh then barfing because they were crushing some, some snacks too, dude.
I mean, I get it though. I just went to,
we went to universal for Christmas.
That's what we did for Christmas instead of doing gifts,
which is super fun.
But my equilibrium is not what it once was the inner ear that there were a
couple of rides that shook me up a little bit and it took me a while to to recover
from that bad boy i definitely stay away from all the spinning rides now i could never really do
them before heath yeah like teacups not my fucking thing yeah never never about it but now now
especially there's no way i would do the teacups yeah there was this um the the like one of the
hogwarts adventure rides and it was like one of the 3d ones.
And so like you were in a seat and it would like lift you up and then you
would be on a screen and it would like shake you around and down and back
and forth. And we got off of that. And I was like, Oh man,
I need to get a very light snack and hold on to something for a second
because that just shook me up like so hardcore, but I need a hard reset after that,
but it was still an absolute blast.
My favorite is the men in black ride where you can shoot the aliens,
but the,
like then I look around and there's little kids just crushing it.
And like 10 times what I got. And it's just, you know,
that aim isn't there, you know, that, that duck hunt aim.
You translate my thirties, man. Yeah yeah your reaction time's a little slower now yeah just not quite there I was
having a few beers too to be fair I had a few beers at Moe's Tavern oh nice nice yeah Universal's
great man you gotta get the two park passes you get any butterbeers oh absolutely it's like it's so like but for all of our listeners out there go talk your parents
into going to universal go in the off season go in like december talk your parents into it
oh talk your parents into i don't think we have a ton of kids listening to this show
adults go as adults it's way better you know but still still talk your adult your parents into
letting you go as an adult yeah say yeah exactly bring him your parents you gotta get that parent
parental permission for for universal regardless of your age exactly you're getting carded everywhere
you go but it is an absolute blast they've got simpsons they've got men in black they've got a
marvel section you know they've got hulk wright they've got jimmy fallon your boy they've got Simpsons. They've got Men in Black. They've got a Marvel section. You know, they've got Hulk rides.
They've got Jimmy Fallon, your boy.
They've got one of his rides.
You know, they've got like all the old stuff that they used to do for Universal.
And then, of course, Harry Potter.
They've got the one side with Diagon Alley.
And then they got the other side with Hogsmeade.
It's just not that I'm like trying to do an ad for Universal universal it's just that i went and it was pretty pretty dope i got fred weasley's wand
r.i.p fred um you know it's just uh got his wand it's great great stuff because they're
interactive brandon you you wave the wand and shit moves it's yeah it's it's great but you
know what humbles you really quickly when you're trying to
do it and then you can't fucking do it and so you're like all right whatever right it's it's
not working and then a six-year-old walks up and and does it on their first try that's that's that'll
humble you real quick yeah it's leviosa it's levvy ohs uh uh anyways all right sorry i went way off the rails there
we're back back to the hawks back to mcgill and larson and uh so they're they're the banks bffs
one of one another highlight that i just want to bring up and i know we've talked about it a couple
times before but it's just it's so good when the ducks find the sports illustrated
and the hawks it's when we're introduced to fulton right um and the hawks
that's when he makes his his grand entrance yeah that's like his first interaction with the ducks
yeah uh and and the hawks are rollerblade in and they whip one of the Sports Illustrated out of their hands.
He's like, does your mommy know you have that?
That's good stuff.
That's what Larson comes in.
Larson's the one who rips it and goes, does your mommy know you have that?
And then I think it's Larson.
And then McGill Carp is like, hey, that's mine.
And McGill comes in with you wouldn't even
know what to do with it oh man you know and then that's where they they hit him with like uh no
she was too busy with the mailman oh yeah that's banks his line too busy crushes it just and some
great uh some great elementary bullying right there by the hawks classic dude yeah just circling
them up and then and then i love that they they shove carp in the trash and then fulton shoves
all three of them on top of carp in the trash he just picks them up and throws them right on top
of carp right oh man that's uh that's great stuff and you know mcgill actually be i feel at least
personally mcgill kind of takes over bank's spot on the hawks as the leader
you know when when banks gets moved over to the ducks well i think i don't know i i think mcgill
was always the leader because i know even when banks comes over to the ducks he's you know he's
a he's a quiet reserved kind of guy i feel like he was like that on the hawks as well
so you feel like mcgill was always the the leader was just banks was the star
yeah or or maybe larson maybe larson was the leader yeah because larson's the one who always
talks first he's the one who calls them girls on when they're on the bench that is true so maybe
larson is the leader and before he sees kind of because at the end he when he when they fuck up
banks yeah sees the true colors the true colors of riley so that's i think that's where mcgill Before he sees kind of, because at the end, when they fuck up Banks.
Yeah, sees the true colors.
The true colors of Riley.
So I think that's when McGill takes over as the leader.
But yeah, Banks was, I mean, he's a real quiet, reserved kind of kid.
I feel like he was always like that on the Hawks.
Even though, you know, the best player, he's not necessarily the leader.
Yeah, that makes sense.
That makes sense.
That happens sometimes. As we're talking mcgill
and larson kind of the the gruesome twosome you might call them the gruesome like that
um i i got a question for you brandon i'm gonna throw this one at you real quick coming in hot and hot since they are a bad guy dynamic duo kind of who is your favorite movie bad guy dynamic duo
gruesome twosome if you will oh from specifically from a movie yeah or movies tv shows just
whatever who who would you consider some of your favorite uh like evil duos evil duos evil duos I'm trying to think of some
duos do you want me to kick you I have I have a few here do you want me to kick you off with a
with a couple softballs that you're probably not going to think of so so I the one that the one
that comes immediately to mind although I don't know if I would choose them as the best, is Team Rocket.
And that's if you want to count
them as a duo.
We can throw Meowth out of the...
Team Rocket, it's Jesse and James.
Oh, yeah. Listen,
Meowth doesn't have any part
of the introductory song for
Team Rocket, so I feel like if he's
not really... He comes in at the very, very
end, right? Yeah. So he basically doesn't count. You know what I mean? So that's... Team Rocket, so I feel like if he's not really... Yeah, he does. He comes in at the very, very end, right? Yeah.
So he basically doesn't count. You know what I mean?
So that's... Team Rocket
is Jesse and James, the dynamic duo.
Okay, I like that. I like that. That's the only
one I can think of off the top of my head.
Okay, so let me give you two
ones that you might not think of.
Well, one that you might and one that you might not.
So Joker and Harley
Quinn. I feel like that is... Okay, that's a good one that you might not uh so joker and harley quinn i feel like that
that's a good it's a good one yeah rock solid bad guy dynamic duo one that people might not
think about that i just kind of like is uh baroness and destro little gi joe right over
my head i don't know what any of those words mean no okay never mind oh you know what you
know what i just thought of since we were talking about uh
roly-poly potter crab
and goyle oh
yeah there you go crab and goyle that's
a good one brandon i love that
uh okay here's a couple disney ones
for you okay
iago and jafar
oh that's a good one that's a good
one right and i i
so i like that one uh smee and hook
okay okay you know what i mean and not just the cartoon one but the robin williams hook
did you did you ever get down on that one as a kid oh it's not yeah it's been a while though
oh man listen for that's one that you need to go back and watch, Brandon.
That's a gold right there.
But my personal favorite from the Disney realm is Kronk and Yzma from Emperor.
Oh, yeah.
That's the best one.
That's it.
That's it.
Yeah, absolutely.
Squeak, squeak, squeak and squeak.
Come on.
Cronk is the absolute.
Cronk is probably one of the most underrated Disney characters of all time.
Well, maybe not that underrated.
He did get his own show and movie, I think.
Yeah, you're right.
I think Yzma and Cronk, that's number one for sure.
It's like you mentioned, he gets his own spinoff.
I think he gets a movie and a TV show, right? Yeah tv show right yeah yeah for sure that's when he becomes a good guy
though exactly because he's just absolutely so endearing like when he's when he's the chef
and he's preparing all the all the meals and then it's they say it's easma's birthday that's
it's just gold everything everything that he does is gold.
Or like when he prepares the meal with the
poison for
Cusco.
My spinach puffs.
Yeah, he's
gold.
Absolutely gold.
Okay, so that kind of wraps up
McGill and Larson, the
gruesome twosome, as I like to refer to them as just a couple top shelf,
top tier Hawks.
Yeah.
Shout out McGill.
Shout out Larson.
Yeah.
You know, some of the,
some of the best cake eaters to ever to ever play the game.
Yeah.
Honorable mention the banks family,
since his dad is so dedicated to the hawks that he
actively roots against his son yeah in the championship where decked out in hawks gear
what a fucking asshole god i said i'll never get over that like i feel like that does not get
enough play for what a terrible parent that guy was for choosing team over family yeah
that was pretty that was pretty rough you know that was a bad look that's a bad look you know
who would have never accepted him fast and the furious family would have never flown there that's family over everything was his name dom teretto yeah but i
mean family over everything brandon yeah not fucking hawks first but they they might they
might forgive him though they they forgive a lot of people that's true that's true like in
in fast and furious 25 they will all have eventually turned bad guys into good guys.
I mean, Jason Statham.
Yeah, he had the face turn.
That's right. They thought he killed Han,
and then he was part of the team in a movie
and a half.
Hobbs and Shaw.
They had a spinoff with The Rock.
I fucking love that movie. Hobbs and Shaw
is a great movie. I'm a
sucker for Fast and Furious, though. movie i'm a sucker for fast and furious
though i love it and i'm a sucker for the rock anything that guy touches is gold did you see
did you see um this is i think it was a couple days ago um because i think they're they're
they're writing um fast 10 right now and so they're getting ready i think they're getting
ready to go into production or whatever and um um because i think it was the eighth movie where vin diesel and the rock had
a big blow up and then the rock was like they they the rock wasn't going to do any more fast
movies that's why they gave him hobs and shaw with the spinoff yeah but so like a couple days ago
then uh like i think he went to twitter um to like he like publicly asked The Rock to come back for Fast 10.
He was like, you should come back for Fast 10.
It's what Paul would have wanted.
It's what, you know, I think he even brought up Paul's kids or some shit.
Oh, my gosh.
Dropping the Paul Walker bomb on.
Yeah.
He's like, it's what Paul wanted.
You should come back for 10.
And The Rock was just physically like, no, I'm good.
He's too busy shooting his genius tv show young rock oh i forgot he's i forgot that's happening did you watch season one it's okay it's season one already came out i didn't realize this already
oh no oh yeah it's it's fine it doesn't i because like i want all the wrestling right like that's all i
care about but it goes into like so much more than that like it talks a lot about his time in miami
for the hurricanes because that was the championship football team when they
unfortunately they beat the the huskers and then you know but anyways do you love some rock we could talk all day about jumanji central
intelligence is my favorite rock that's a good oh my god because he plays the the super dorky
insane guy it's like obsessed with unicorns and fanny packs uh man kevin hart was the the cool
guy in school it's rock a classic, you know.
I love that Vin Diesel
came out and he played the
Paul Walker card.
I mean, it's a good card
to play, I guess. I don't know.
I guess. I don't know if he played over Twitter, though.
Yeah.
A little impersonal.
All right.
Let me rein us back in again really quick because
let's let's let's go to the meat of the hawks let's start talking about the meat of the hawks
let's talk about coach riley the the great coach riley coach jack riley played by the wonderful
lane smith and listeners you might recognize him from two of my favorites that he acts in.
Number one,
red Dawn,
the Patrick Swayze,
the original,
the OG.
Well,
cause they,
they remade it.
It's not,
it's definitely not as good,
but you know,
they,
they put a Hemsworth in there.
Then one of the dudes from Nick and Josh,
I can't,
or Drake and Josh,
I think Josh from Drake and Josh,
the Nickelodeon show. He overacts in it a little bit.
He just wasn't ready for an action flick.
But man, the original. Very raw
kind of movie. That's a great one to go back and watch.
Just in case you ever want to think about what it would be like if the US got invaded.
Yeah.
That was a real threat back then with Russia. I think that's why the
remake, you know, lost
a lot of its musters
because I don't think you could
like the
Cold War like scare
because that came out like what early 80s?
Yeah, it felt
realistic like that
the US could get invaded
and now
you lose that gravitas
you know
it doesn't have the same
weight to it
conspiracy theorists would tell you that
the US is already
in trouble Brandon
I mean everybody everywhere is in trouble.
Doomsday.
It's upon us.
Yeah.
Newsflash, everybody.
Things aren't going well.
You know, it's fine.
As long as you just mind your own business, keep on living your life.
Keep on swimming.
Yep.
Keep on trucking.
Keep on keeping on.
But, okay. And so, Red Dawn, cinematic classic. yep let's keep on keep trucking keep on keeping on but but okay and so the second red dawn
cinematic classic but then the second one which i just probably watched more than i should have
as a kid was son-in-law the polish the poly shore classic yeah i i absolutely loved everything about
the movie son-in-law because uh he lane smith played uh the the love interest of
paulie shore's dad yeah that's a good one i munch in on some grindage oh paulie shore's run in the
90s is something else that biodome is a classic in the Army Now is a classic Encino Man
Which put him on the map
I just
Missed the whole
Pauly Shore run
A bit too young
I'm not a huge Pauly Shore guy
Although I do
The character he plays in the Goofy movies
The Leaning Tower that that it's fantastic
those two those two movies i feel like are underrated disney classics oh 100 power line
are you kidding me so brandon brandon remember we are going to break down a goofy movie because Portman plays the singing voice
of Goofy.
Or Goofy's son, Max.
Yeah, Portman's the singing voice
of Max. And so we're definitely
definitely breaking
that down. You know what? I've been seeing
some Powerline t-shirts
coming out recently. I need to
pick up one of those because
I'm going to be seeing eye to eye
on that, Brandon.
We're definitely
going to see a Pee Wee movie for sure.
Because of Portman.
Back to
Coach Jack Riley.
I want to go through
just how dominant he
was as a Pee Wee hockey head coach. Okay.
You got some stats for us. I love it. Stat heads.
I, I, yes, I got some, I got some breakdowns here for you. So,
so it's mentioned.
So, so the, the opening scene we have is the 1973 Peewee state championships,
right? This is the, the, the is the famous season where they get runners up
because Bombay lets his whole fucking team down.
His dead dad.
The yellow banner.
He doinks it off the post.
Yep.
Let's the dead dad down.
The dead dad doink.
That's what we're calling it.
Dead dad doink.
Oh, my God.
Because your dad wishes he could be here gordon yeah go make him
proud something great to say to a 10 year old before bombay you didn't do it you didn't do it
wow you just you let you know what else he says remember this if you're not just letting me down
you're letting the whole team down yeah not just your dead dad not just me the whole team everybody
all these no pressure all these parents in the stands letting them down too
no god no fucking pressure um but so that's the 73 runner-up season but so if you look at the
banners uh Parade Arena,
which is the home of the Hawks, the
Atlanta Hawks, you have
state champs in 71,
state champs in 72,
runners-up in 73,
and then
state champs from
1994 all the way to 1991.
Wow.
Wow.
Dynasty. An. Wow. Dynasty.
An absolute dynasty.
And we got to shout out the fact that
for some ungodly reason,
they decided to put their runner-up banner
to be yellow.
Yes.
So that's how I knew that
because a couple of the banners are blocked.
Like 1971 is blocked.
Yeah.
But you can see the color and it's blue so it's like okay that's the state
championship it's not the runner up
so that's how I was able
to the colors
is how I was able to do
these this dynasty
run here but 74 to 91
what is that is that
18 years 19 years
18 years 18 straight dude that's that's a that's a whole
adult yeah it's that's that's somebody who can vote you want every fucking year they can buy
cigarettes yeah like or vapes i guess people don't smoke cigs anymore. It would have been 21.
Would have been 21 in a row
if fucking Bombay didn't let
the whole fucking state down.
It was all on his tiny
shoulders and then he just
doinks it. Was it to the right?
To the left? Left. Left crossbar.
Left crossbar.
Left post.
There's only one crossbar.
It goes across. Left post. There's only one crossbar that goes across.
Makes sense.
He was trying
to go bar down skis and he missed.
And just that pep
talk.
Limbs and infamy.
It's for sure the
worst pep talk in the history of the world.
The most toxic
youth sports pep talk in the history of the world like the most toxic youth sports pep talk
in the history of so the best the best part the because this is why i love that lane smith
lane smith crushed this role because you can he does such a good job like during that pep talk
that you can tell that like jack raleigh thinks it's like the greatest he's he's given the best speech ever he's like this is what's gonna do it this this kid is gonna be fired is what's gonna fucking
get him to score the goal and then the so he ruined he ruins his kid's life right he ruins
bombay's life he he makes him not like hockey anymore yeah But then, so for the first game,
when the ducks are playing the Hawks Bombay's in there and Jack Riley
sees him and he walks up to him and he goes,
Bombay,
is that you,
are you coming to see your old coach?
And he's got the biggest smile in the world.
This mother thinks Bombay loves him.
Yeah.
He,
he,
he's like,
what do you got to put on the team or something?
When he tells him he's district five
yeah he jack riley is so narcissistic and self-involved that he can't fathom that bombay
doesn't like him he's like obviously he's here to visit me because i'm the greatest thing that
ever happened to this kid i made him the successful psycho lawyer that he is today
i mean he did he did with and bombay says that i think in d3
yeah he's talking when he's talking to charlie he mentions that he's like i took that attitude
and you know i became a really successful uh lawyer but then you know i got a dy and my life
got ruined and then i found you guys let's also not forget about your favorite moment in that
first movie when right out of the gate riley hits him with a run it up run it up yeah right right
right after the first goal she just wants to throat stomp them as soon as possible yeah he's
like i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna ruin this kid's life again. Let's run it back and ruin it again.
Speaking of really shitty pep talks to Bombay,
can I give you the IMDB quote I pulled?
Yes.
It's the best.
It's a great one.
It is a fucking gem.
And I'll try to do my best.
This is what he says.
It's after he steals Banks Right?
Is it in the Duxworth law office?
No, no, no
It's at the arena
He goes to the Hawks arena
With the official
And he's like, hey, Banks is a duck now
Either he plays with us or you forfeit every game
And then Bombay starts walking away
And he chases him down
So thank you for setting that scene You know, we're in the ice rink Riley has just chased down Bombay starts walking away. And he chases him down. Chases him down. So thank you for setting that scene.
You know, we're in the ice rink.
Riley is just chased down Bombay, grabs him by the shoulder, yanks him around and says,
why'd you turn against me, Gordon?
For six years, I taught you how to skate, taught you how to score, taught you how to
go for the W.
You could have been one of the greats.
And now look at yourself.
You're not even a has-been.
You're a never was.
Damn.
Whew.
Hit him with it.
That end, too, I kind of botched it for a second.
But you're not even a has-been.
You're a never was.
Whoa. Yeah. You're a never was. Whoa.
You're a fucking nobody.
Cutting deep, dude.
Big old fat zero.
Yeah, you're a nobody, Bombay.
I'm the dude with 18 straight Minnesota State PB championships.
Yeah, I'm the godfather of hockey, you son of a bitch.
I mean, he does have more of a claim than bombay does bombay has
one state championship one junior goodwills game championship that's not that's not a lot
it's just and i think about the pep talks he gave gordon that was as an adult the dead dad
as a kid like i mean just always, dude. Just always fucking psychological warfare.
What I love about that quote is how he starts it off when he asked, when did you turn on me or why did you turn on me?
Yeah. Why did you turn against Gordon?
He's just now realizing that Bombay doesn't like him.
He's like, what happened?
I thought we were cool, bro.
Yeah.
Like, I thought we were buddies when I was kicking the shit out of your team and like popping my
collar at you. Oh, that is one
thing we have to mention too. The Riley
collar pop.
Wow. Just it with the Letterman
the coach's Letterman jacket.
He had a collar pop.
All right. All right. All right. Yeah.
All right. All right. All right.
I'm still
still 1 million percent convinced that Matthewthew mcconaughey
got that from from contrarily 100 let's get let's get old mcconaughey on the pod here
and let's let's let him be honest you know tell the truth he's a big ducks fan you know he sits
at home and he quacks along with the movie when he watches it. I can I can see it now.
Home theater system.
Dude, that's a that just gave me a great idea.
Matthew McConaughey replaces Emilio Estevez.
Game changer season two.
That's that's something else.
Matthew McConaughey as like a as like a free spirit hippie coach.
OK, That dude.
Do you think free spirit hippie coach or more like the car commercials laid
back?
Cool.
Matthew McConaughey.
I think a little bit of both.
Okay.
Like a cool hippie.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But, but his, like his, his sayings would be like, he would, he would
try to hit you with knowledge, like, like nice little, like proverbs or like words of wisdom. And they just don't make any sense. Yeah. Like, or they would be like he would he would try to hit you with knowledge like like nice little like proverbs or like words of wisdom and they just don't make any sense yeah like or they would be
like misquoted proverbs yeah that would be a shtick that he would he would just hit you with
misquoted proverbs yeah i mean disney come on we've said it a thousand times but yeah i mean
let us write the let us write the
Give us this give us our spin-off
Because now that there's no
Emilio there's probably no
Ice Palace I swear to god
If when he's gone I swear to fucking
God I mean when you've been having on
But if she is ready for the first episode
Rant here she's not
Going to she's not going to be there and we
Need to look at the casting
we need to google it i think they're about done with with writing i think they're gonna i think
they it's either like february or march i think is when they're they're gonna start uh production
i feel like it's safe to say you know disney game changers writing team what you if what you think
you have right now you feel really good about,
let's just take it back to the chalkboard one more time.
Let's just run it back to the chalkboard one more time.
Run it through us.
Okay.
Hit up the cake eaters.
Yep.
If there's no Winnie, we're starting over.
If there's no Terry, we're fucking starting over.
We're going to have some real beef,
especially if Terry and Leah get, Terry, we're fucking starting over. We're going to have some real beef,
especially if Terry and Leah get...
Or MJ in the show.
Terry and MJ get bumped.
Travesty.
They better not.
Absolute travesty.
What else do you have
for Coach Ratton?
Do you have anything else?
He is the
representation of the Hawks. His attitude, his Do you have anything else? He is the representation
Of the Hawks
His attitude, his demeanor
His approach
The Hawks were running fucking warm up drills
On their own
While he goes and talks shit to the coaches
In the hallways
I just want to
Point out that
I do think
He In a weird roundabout way, helped Bombay.
I think if Bombay does not have Coach Riley, if he has some nice little schlub dude i think you i think i still think he drifts away from hockey
because of his his dad dying um yeah and it but it's done in a less dramatic and less uh
traumatizing way that you don't get the you don't get the phoenix comeback story he's just he becomes a, you know, middling level district attorney somewhere and just like, you know, passes passes away with with little fanfare.
You know, it's a tale as old as time, Brandon.
A superhero needs their villain in order to become a hero, just like Batman and the Joker.
We talked about Joker and
Harley Quinn a little bit earlier as our
bad guy dynamic duos.
The Joker would argue
that Batman created him
and that he needs him to
survive.
Riley created...
Riley is indirectly...
Well, maybe even directly responsible
for the Ducks
without
his
traumatizing of young children
we don't get any of this
Riley created Bombay
and Bombay created
the Ducks
therefore transitive property Brandon
Riley created the Ducks
essentially what I'm saying is he was a good coach and
Bombay should
you know dedicate
or not dedicate he should
he should appreciate what
Jack Riley has done
because he helped him he's
he was the he was the perfect
coach for Bombay at the time
great coach questionable
moral fiber and let And let me explain
just two quick call-outs as why, once again, besides the psychological warfare that he plays
on kids, he called out a hit on a child in the championship game. So let's not forget about that.
He called that. He asked for that. He put his soldier McGill up to it.
Kiddos. He didn't. Well, I mean, he didn't say he didn't say
hurt him. He said, drop him. He said, drop him like a bad habit.
Yeah. Take him out. That's an exact quote.
He didn't say he's dropping him, dropping him. What? How do you
interpret dropping him like a bad habit?
When I think of that, I think of dropping his ass with a little right hook.
Yeah, but he didn't explicitly say to hurt him.
What I'm saying is this argument wouldn't hold up in a court of law.
Okay?
All right.
So not only that, but after Banks gets brought on to the team that he's supposed to be playing on anyways,
he's just following the rules.
He's trying to cut a deal with the Pee Wee Hockey Commission to keep Banks on the team.
Like, Riley is not, you know, he's a great coach.
They're trying to take away a star player.
You got to do what you got to do.
Great coach.
Questionable moral compass.
That's all I'm saying.
For sure.
But I mean, you find me a good coach that doesn't have questionable moral fiber.
And I'll call you a fucking liar.
Trying to think of like a good guy coach like when john madden won won the championship everybody
loved john madden but i'm sure there were moments where he probably had questionable moral fiber
although we can't say that now he just passed away rip you know listen to him call mad video
games as a kid it was great it was great it was great he revolutionized the the gaming world as
well as the the football world but that doesn't mean you can't speak bad about him.
I never understood the whole don't speak ill of the dead thing.
That stuff, I don't understand.
If they did shitty things, we can still talk about it.
You know what he did do?
He raised awareness towards athlete's foot with, boom,
tough acting, interactive.
Yes.
Think of all the bacteria that he killed. Those bacteria had
family, Heath.
Athlete's Foot didn't stand
a fucking chance with John
Madden on the case.
Going back to Coach Riley, though, you're forgetting the best
part of the hit
on Banks is after McGill does it and gets sent to the penalty box, the fist bump.
The fist bump.
He goes up to him and he's like, got him.
Nailed it, dude.
You did your job.
You're a great soldier.
I appreciate you.
All right.
All right.
So speaking of.
So he's clearly capable of giving praise when it's due.
You know, he's not he's not completely withholding a praise.
He's he's praising a child hurting another child.
No, no, no, no.
He's praising the kid for doing what he told him for following the orders, for being a good soldier.
Oh, my gosh. You know who
else just quietly followed
orders, Brandon?
I don't know if you want to go down
this road.
Sure.
All of those
Hydra soldiers in the
Marvel movies.
That's who, Brandon. Do you want to be fucking
Hydra? Do you want to be Cobra?
Speaking of G.I. Joe's, do you want to be part of
Cobra Commander? That's a fucking
Cobra movie. You know what I would
want, though, is if I was in those organizations
and I did a good job, I'd want somebody to say,
hey, Brandon.
You would want positive
praise for your successes.
Hey, Brandon, guess what?
I'd hate to break this to you.
Just a silent fist bump.
Just a silent fist bump.
You are barking up the wrong tree if you are looking for positive praise in a criminal organization.
I'm so sorry to lay that out there for you, but it's not going to happen.
You think Thanos gave any of his kids positive praise?
No.
And look what happened.
One turned against him.
Yeah, all the ones that have failed.
Two turned against him.
All the ones that have failed definitely were not giving out praise.
But if you look at the mafia, some of the mafias are still going.
I bet you they're giving praises.
That's how you keep the organization going,
is you reward people when they do a good job.
Yeah, they give them duffel bags full of money.
It's all about company culture, Heath.
All about company culture.
The mob company culture is duffel bags full of money, maybe a new car and a new house.
I bet you one thing, Heath.
I bet you if you looked up mafia on Glassdoor, five stars.
Great place to work.
Great organization.
Wonderful leadership.
Top of the line leadership.
I absolutely love it.
All right.
So speaking of mafia and bad guys who are in charge, I have another question for you, Brandon, because we talked about our favorite bad guy movie duo.
And so I have another follow-up question and it is who is,
if you have one, your favorite bad guy coach.
Besides Riley, of course, right? Besides Riley.
Riley is number one for me for sure.
But I feel like I have a challenge for number one for me for sure um but i i feel like i have a challenge i mean for number one brandon i have a challenge for the number one spot well so so are you so so
let me let me get the let me understand the question correctly is this am i picking like
the worst coach or am i picking a bad guy coach that I like the most?
It's it's up to your end. I'll leave it up to your interpretation. It's just bad guy coach.
When you think bad guy coach in a cinematic TV or movie,
who do you pick?
So Jack Riley is number one um for my favorite my favorite bad guy coach because like i said
i think i think he was misunderstood i think he was i think he was the good guy
throughout this whole movie okay i mean that's it that's it we okay we hear your argument can i can
i hit you with because i've had a lot of time to think about this since i came up with the question because i think this this coach could and i forget his name in the
movie so you're gonna have to help me when i announce it but he is played by the one and only
john voight aka angelina jolie's papa papa big papa big papa void his Big Papa Void. Big Papa Void.
His role in the cinematic
masterpiece Varsity Blues
as the bad guy coach.
Right?
He plays the head coach, Varsity Blues.
Do you remember?
His name is Coach Kilmer.
Coach Kilmer.
Yes.
Coach Kilmer.
I fucking love varsity blues dude
oh my gosh great movie oh did i so i actually saw varsity blues for the first time because i snuck
into it because it was rated r when it came out in movie theaters me and my buddies we bought the
pg-13 tickets to she's all that remember that freddie prince classic uh and and she's all that. Remember that Freddie Prince? Yeah. And she's
all that it but instead went to varsity blues and snuck in.
Okay, solid. I saw varsity blues at a really young age, a real
inappropriate age. Honestly, I saw because it was that came out
99. I'm pretty sure I saw it the year if not the year after it
came out.
Yeah, because I was 13 PG 13
yeah so I would have been
I would have been 8 years old
when I saw
oh nice yeah okay alright
this is maybe a little soon for some
of the scenes
definitely not
the most appropriate age to be watching varsity
blues but yeah
it's a great movie and coach And yeah, coach Kilmer.
So coach Kilmer has zero redeeming qualities.
None at all.
Like he is an absolute psycho because there's the Billy Bob concussions,
which this, which, you know,
looking back on what we know about concussions now,
even though the NFL is slow to acknowledge it.
So the concussions, that whole thing was startling back then.
Now it's a fucking nightmare.
Yeah, twice as much.
Yeah, looking back, watching that now.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, the CTE.
Yeah, Billy Bob.
Billy Bob in the Varsity Blues universe.
Billy Bob.
No way he's still alive.
No, absolutely.
Yeah.
He didn't, he didn't last very long, but what a great character,
Billy Bob with the pet pig.
I mean, it was just, it was just great, great stuff.
And then he convinced the quarterback to just, you know,
shooting up an 18 year old kid's knee and stuff.
Like it's not worth it.
None of that stuff is worth it in high school like that.
But he, he ruined yeah
coach kilmer he's shooting up everybody with painkillers or yeah is that what it was okay
yeah it's just painkillers um yeah so he fucking he ruins paul i mean this is really the paul
walker show isn't he that's paul walker's you know i like to believe that paul walker would
have been a hawk. Oh, 100%.
Paul Walker.
He would have fucking crushed it as a hawk.
It would have been hard to cast him as a hawk because everyone would have fallen in love.
And they would have wanted to be on the Hawks instead of the Ducks.
A Paul Walker-led Hawks team?
Dude, imagine.
People are getting on board with that.
No offense to Adam LaRusso because I think he does a fantastic
job as Banks, but imagine Paul Walker
as Banks.
They don't want Banks to outshine anyone
else. He might have been too much
spotlight on the Banks spot.
Yeah, it would have been
a Banks spotlight. It would have been a different movie
for sure, but I mean
Paul Walker.
But just to wrap up the Vity blues and john voy what about like
the very end when they finally are just like no man we're we're not messing with this like this
isn't worth it we're not following and paul walker becomes the coach yep paul walker becomes coach
but he like walks out of the locker room he's like like, let's go, let's go. Let's go. Oh man. That is. Yeah.
That is some great acting right there by, by our board boy,
big Papa V. Yeah.
Yeah. We need John to come on and talk about his nickname.
Is there, are there any connections so we can talk about varsity blues?
Cause I know, I mean, there's, you have the James Vanderbeek, his nickname is there are there any connections so we can talk about varsity blues because i know
i mean there's you have the james vanderbeek um joshua jackson connection they were both on
dawson's creek but i don't know if that's close enough to bring uh to bring varsity blues into
the the cake eater canyon here yeah i don't know i just i feel like it does not quite fall
under canon you're right um but uh what is say james vanderbeek out like listen
to this cast list i got here james vanderbeek ali larder paul walker scott khan dude as as tweety
and then you had amy smart john voight jesse jesse plemmons who's who's blowing up now he's
a fantastic fucking actor i love jesse plelemons. He plays, I think he plays
James Van Der Beek's little brother, right?
Yeah, I think so.
Amy's smart, man. She had a nice
run there, too.
In that stretch of time,
like 99 to mid
2000s, early 2000s.
What a movie.
So anyways, that is my
that is my only other bad guy coach that
i could think of that maybe give riley for zero zero redeeming quality yeah i mean right right
in all honesty riley probably doesn't have any redeeming qualities either but in my my biased
opinion he does yeah it's it's just that like you know the the varsity blues that just those injuries were real
and like yeah and like it was also the partying and like all that kind of stuff is like you know
it's the the whipped cream scene dude something else that that scene has stuck with eight-year-old
brandon let me tell you that that that day day was when a lot of young boys became men.
They watched that scene.
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So, all right.
So we've got our two, our gruesome twosome we've got our leader
the one and only coach riley what else do you have any other final thoughts on our boy
coach jack riley i think we i think we wrapped up jack riley good um one thing i want to point
out though that i think has always been a missed opportunity with D2 and then maybe even going into D3
is I think
let's get into some Hawks disrespect here
yeah yeah so I think
a good like
foil
or a good like subplot
to
D2 would have been having
somebody from the Hawks
on Team USA.
Because I mean, they brought
in all the new kids, right?
The Cat,
Dwayne, Kenny,
Lewis, all them. They brought in all those
and Keenan.
I think if you have, like if you
would have brought Larson along.
Yeah.
Or what's the, is it Brown, the name of the kid that scored most of the goals i think so and it's
mcgill mcgill is what if you brought him like another bass brother you can't no you can't
bring mcgill and he he took he took out banks you can't bring mcgill and that's a hard no yeah you
could bring larson potentially. Yeah. Cause he,
he was,
he was there showing concerns.
You know,
he had the,
what I assume is a change of heart.
But yeah,
I think,
I think if you bring Larson in and then you have like a little subplot of
like them learning to accept Larson into the,
into the duck gang.
Okay.
That's okay.
But don't you think that it would take away from like the keenan storyline
in d2 like maybe that's why they wouldn't have done it because it would have gotten too convoluted
with also bringing in keenan to take charlie's spot which i never really understood that but
you know i think you could say i think you could take out no i think I think I don't think it would
I don't know maybe
It would be too much
I just think that it would be
With the Iceland
Trainer too you know
We could cut that out
That's one of the
Plots you could cut you could cut those three
Scenes out replace them with three scenes about how much they hate larson and then okay good okay um because i was gonna say maybe
we you could you could bring keenan in as part of the original group of new people and then cut out
the scenes of him like joining the team but those are good scenes i don't want to lose the street
hockey i don't want to yeah you can't that's where they did a stick glove shirt. You can't
cut that street ball scene.
Those are classics.
Street ball, street puck.
That's an interesting
missed opportunity. I didn't mean
to burst your bubble, but I just got
thinking like, man,
I love that idea.
It's a lot of moving parts if you bring that in.
Yeah, that's
all of a sudden you're like wait what's going on
You could cut the pants
Scene where they pants the
Hawkeye's
And you could do like one or two quick
Like
Bringing Larson into the fold
Scenes you know
That's true but they needed like
Cheeky It was just like the times too scenes, you know? That's true, but they needed like cheeky 90s.
It was just like the times
too, right? Like they wanted
that cheeky, funny kind of start.
Yeah.
And then the recruiting, because it kicked off the recruiting.
Yeah.
The quack attack is back, Jack.
We got to get
one of those duck whistles. That's what we need.
That is great yeah okay but
uh but yeah so that was the last kind of thing i had for the the hawks was a little missed
opportunity there but yeah and then the ultimate missed opportunity we'll just we'll we'll end it
we can end it on this which is the game changers yeah we mentioned that the color change the color
change the logo change because those the original
hawks jerseys i know i've talked about this at least 15 times on this podcast but there was
original hawks jerseys but both the the original one that bombay wears and then the one the
redesigned ones that banks wears and mcgill wears are fantastic they look so cool the black
and the blue and like the silver right like the white the silver whatever
oh man it really and it just it doesn't i just i didn't like it i i hated the color change i hate
that they are suddenly like in the worst team yeah and that was like an unnecessary ad yeah
just keep them as the hawks and just have them be like a regular team.
You know, like I just I didn't like it one bit.
I hope that we get some some Hawks like coming backs in the season two of the game change. That's another that's so that's another spinoff they can give us is the Hawks.
It's the story of the Hawks.
Yeah.
And how they have like completely fallen apart because like it could go into the Edina,
the cake eaters. They just got
a little too big for their
britches. Wouldn't put in the work.
We could delve into some real
socioeconomic
turmoil. Oh, that's exactly
what the people want in the kids
hockey show is socioeconomic.
Yeah. Talk about how
Edina is doing as as as a as a community
talk about some gerrymandering maybe maybe maybe they moved the lake back to being the border you
know oh yeah like maybe the uh the what is it the 08 housing crisis like really hit hard in adina
a lot of families you know lost their lost their way and those hawks they got shipped out into
other districts you know yeah that's that's something that the people would love for us
to go into the 08 housing bubble bursting in a diner instead of it being like instead of it
being like a disney channel plus uh spinoff series we it'd be like like in hbo max like uh drama listen it's i'm listen i'm
trying to get us into the hbo max realm to remember how we are going to kill off bombay
with having the ice palace collapsing onto them like the like the wicked wish of the east and
the wizard of oz like that's what that's how a game changer starts just bombay's shoes in a flannel
but uh okay but anyways you know we just hopefully the game changers will put some respect
on the fucking name yes here for season two that's all we're asking you know we may not be
asking nicely but we're asking that that's all we're demanding that's all we're
that's all we're demanding from you disney god put some fucking respect on that hawk's name yes
this that was that's still so heartbreaking every time every time i think about the
the hawks the new hawks should it's not the same. Not the same.
That's right.
But we're going to end this on a little bit more of a positive note because we have spent this episode doing what we do best. We're talking the Hawks version of the Ducks.
We're being just a couple cake eaters, you know, wrapping back and forth, Brandon.
It's what we do.
Eating that cake. Thanks for listening, everyone.
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