The Cake Eaters - 47. Game Changers S2:E2 Out of Bounds

Episode Date: December 20, 2022

Heath & Brandon continue their breakdown of Season 2 Game Changers! On today's episode, they are talking through Episode 2 Out of Bounds. They discuss Disney being a huge pervert, Brandon's experience at Zigi's Coffee, our first impressions of the different coaches at EPIC, sustained hysterical strength, the beginnings of a love triangle, a good old-fashioned GIF pronunciation debate, and we end with some road trip advice.  Follow us at www.thecakeaterspod.com and on Twitter (@thecakeeaters) and Instagram (@thecakeeaterspod) Email us at [e-mail]

Remember, it's not worth winning if you can't win! Yeah! Game Changers Season 2, Episode 2, Heath. Summer camp. We're starting. 5 a.m. Goal horn alarm clock. Love it.

Fucking love it. Listen, just like... I gotta give me one of those. Just like Alex in this episode, it was so early when that horn sounded. I didn't even realize that we were starting. But here we are. Episode two.

You got to stay ready, Heath. You always got to be ready. You know why, Heath? Because if you stay ready, you don't have to get ready. That's exactly it. But you know why I have a little bit of beef with Alex again, too? I don't know how she's sleeping in. I personally feel

maybe this is me just doing life wrong but eventually once you hit a certain point in adulthood you physically can't sleep in because life's worries just naturally wake you up at like six ish oh i'm not a see i could i could sleep for i could sleep forever. Oh, really? I am not good at sleeping. I would give anything. Oh, man, really? Oh, man, I can't sleep. I'm not good at falling asleep. But once I do, I'm ready.

I'm in for the long haul, youth. See, I can zonk out. Staying asleep is where I have the issue. I can zonk out quick, but then 4 a.m hits and whoop here we go see mine mine doesn't hit mine hits at like eight once eight comes around then i'm like okay life is life is is going i need to get up but perfect example 6 a.m this morning woke up wide awake ready to attack today that's too early for me that's too early really i've always been a morning person though see i'm a night owl yeah i take after uh mama d it follows in the same sleeping patterns where

you know it's just 5 a.m hits and that body's just like all right time to start farming no i'm kidding but but you know what i mean there's just that uh time for some hockey time for some hockey but here oh god and and she's she comes out yelling but she just you know why he because at epic there's only one rule play hockey play hockey baby it's time i did you um what a terrible fucking rule yeah oh they're just they're just at the crack of dawn ready to rock in their meeting and and uh evan tells any everyone 20 nhl players and then three female olympic hockey players says maya and maya says hey listen i would slay in the Olympic Village. Bob's letters are hot. I had a problem with that line.

I also did. I was going to say, that seems like that's a weird line for a 12-year-old, right? Yeah, 12, 13, maybe 14. I forget how old they are. Middle school. They're middle school. They're no older than eighthth grade, that's for sure. It's definitely too early for slaying in the Olympic Village.

I'll say that. It's definitely, yes. It's, yeah. It goes back to this trash writing. Like, what is this? I'm all for, I have no issues with her having boyfriends, going from – I mean theoretically going from boyfriend to boyfriend. It's middle school. It's middle school.

You have a thousand boyfriends and girlfriends in middle school. Yeah. The problem I have is because she's specifically talking about the Olympic Village, and the Olympic Village has a real, real deep reputation and track record of people just having sex with each other just fucking all the time they have like an endless supply of condoms like this is legit like this is yeah and we don't need to go into have a 13 year old say that line is a bit it's a bit much yeah like don't quit this with. This should not be normalized. Let's just say that. Like Disney, do better.

This should not be normalized. This is actually like a thing that I will put a flag down on. Like what the fuck? Newsflash, Disney. Not everybody's a pedophile. Okay. Oh, dude, you said it. I wasn't going to.

I was not going to go there. Going to have that hashtag trending on Twitter again that's okay what was it groomer disney yeah but like dude that's what it is this is the exact shit that people are talking about like this is the exact shit that like people conspiracy theorists are talking about where it's like dude this is that's not cool. Like, let them be fucking kids. Let them be fucking kids. That's it. We got to be kids. Let them be kids.

Quit putting your weird adult shit that you haven't figured out onto these kiddos. You know, let them live their lives. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways. I mean, yeah. The Olympic Village, like you said,

is a very specific, very clear, like everyone knows what she was talking about. It's a direct reference. Yeah. Yeah. There's no subtlety in that. That was literally just a moment in time where they tried to normalize a 12

year old saying she was going to go throw it around a whole bunch. Like not, not just saying like, Oh, Hey, I'm going to do middle school dates. Like, no, I'm going to go go it around a whole bunch like not not just saying like oh hey i'm gonna do middle school dates like no i'm gonna go go do the thing like oh dude i yeah i didn't like it at all i just wasn't gonna say i wasn't gonna go there brandon i'll say it you push me there and like dude that was fucked up like yeah this is exactly where it comes from like disney if you don't want to be a called a groomer don't put weird shit in your writing like this it's not okay let them be kids how that

fucking crop tops and shit let them be little kids and look like dorky kids and how somebody wrote that and then it got through God knows how many edits and then it got put on. Then it got it got filmed and then it got edited into the fucking episode. That's at least like 20 people going over that line being like, yeah, no issues here. Yeah, that's that's perfect. That's exactly what a kid would say. I mean, maybe they would, but there are kids. There are kids that would talk like that. But you don't put that. You don't need to put that are kids that would talk like that but you don't put that

You don't need to put that on a fucking TV show Yeah you don't need like I said you don't need to Normalize it don't like make It this like thing that it's like Oh they're doing it like yeah We're kids They're idiots we're all idiots In that age anyways okay it's fine

My favorite thing Was that Alex came out with two coffees and she was like, don't judge. And I just felt really targeted right there because I don't know if I ever have, if it, if they don't have big enough cups, I will always grab two cups of coffee.

Double-fisted for days. Oh dude. Like, listen, don't give me a little bullshit 12 ounce cup. It'll be gone in two drinks. Like I always get two. first one is like you know and then like i don't like it has to be like scalding burn my mouth a little bit hot so as soon as it gets a little warm i just take it all down you know i love coffee it's a bit of a problem my heart will probably stop early

but so i drink i drink way too much coffee i i've cut it out um the last month or so because i've been in i've been back and forth to denver so much um and when i'm in denver my dad doesn't have a coffee machine so it's like if i want coffee i have to go to starbucks um but that helped because i cut it out i didn't have i had like maybe three cups of coffee while i was in denver for a whole month my body was my body was not ready for that that cold turkey shut off though no i just i just like love coffee too like it's the best hot bitter i never like no cream no sugar i want it like my soul just bitter and black and just you know i do straight black

all the time too oh yeah dude i wanted everyone to feel like i'm like every once in a while or something every once in a while i'll do a macchiato to like get fancy yeah so i do like that with oat milk that's where it's at i i when i go order coffee other places sometimes i'll like you know i like a little almond milk i don't really like oat like you know I like a little almond milk I don't really like oat milk but like I like a little almond milk with mine a little sweet almond milk you know yeah almond milk because see I like oat milk for the coffee for coffee purposes I like oat milk better than almond milk because almonds are a little almond milk's a little too sweet and so it cuts the bitterness too much for me you know

uh we'll see like if i'm gonna order like a coffee outside of my black coffee realm that i make for myself like i go big like i go i am i am drinking a candy bar you know what i mean this is like uh like like the whoa what's the there's the drinking the start the start the – there's the Starbucks one at the holidays. And I'm totally blanking on it. So fuck it. I can't think of it now. But it is my favorite like little Starbucks drink. And it's – it just – it's only during the Christmas holidays.

And it is literally like – tastes like drinking a candy bar. And it's i'm about it i'm i got a sweet tooth though i like candy i i i'm gonna i'm gonna tell you a side uh tangent story here because i uh it was when i was in color when i was in colorado this last month i had the most mind-numbing customer service experience I've ever had in my entire life. Nice. It was one of the times I went to go get coffee, and I went to this place called Ziggy's Coffee. I don't know if they – there's a bunch around in Denver.

I don't know where else they are, but it's like a little small little chain. Okay. But I went to the one right by my dad's house and i get into the drive-thru right i'm in the drive-thru i order like an iced coffee whatever and then i was like hey do you guys have any like banana bread and she was like oh yeah we have like three different kinds and i was like uh okay give me the the banana nut one or whatever so i get into the drive-thru um i uh i pay uh he gives me the coffee and then i was like oh the the banana bread too and he goes oh right and then he looks behind him and i see like a lady go back into the whatever area and she comes back out it's a pre-packaged banana bread right in in plastic all that she hands it to him he then turns around as he's handing it to me he goes oh by the way it's frozen just defrost it

hands it to me and then he turned and walked away and there was nobody at the window and i sat there holding a frozen packaged banana bread i didn't know what to do i just i sat there for like three seconds like contemplating what my life was about and then i just left because i was like nobody's at the window i don't have time to deal with this fucking nonsense i'm just leaving why wouldn't they give you other options why would you not just why would you like hey man that banana bread's frozen the one that's not yeah or. Or would you like a refund? This is so stupid. This is why I hate people sometimes, right?

It's just like, what part of fucking common sense did not make you think to just give another option that's not fucking frozen? It's not that big of a deal, dude. So there were two things about that interaction. Don't give it as the option too if it's all fucking frozen it just doesn't make any sense brandon okay we can't dig into this too much better there's there's so there were three things three things about that interaction that dumbfounded me one he told me to just defrost it right which is like microwave in your car yeah yeah like i'm in i'm in the drive-thru what

do you do you think i have time to fucking defrost this and two so then the second one is the second one is the second thing is it went through two people right she got it from the back and she handed it to him and then he handed it to me not one of them was like maybe maybe we don't give him a frozen brick you know listen listen you know that if they're in denver working at the coffee shop they were too high to deal with your fucking frozen bread request well so that was that was the third thing that way too that was the third thing that dumbfounded me is because they knew exactly what they were doing because everybody walked away from the window

so i couldn't like i couldn't talk to them they just walked away from the fucking window oh that's great stuff okay great story aside let's dig into this episode we both agreed that episode one took way too long because the show this is what happens when the content isn't very good we go we just start talking about other stuff yeah talk about anything other than like what we're actually supposed to be talking about. We've seen this happen. This is a trend. All right. So we get our schedules and there is immediate concern from Sophie. No surprise because we know she's there for the team. But lots of new faces on the schedule.

No longer part of the team. Just a group of kids trying to beat each other. And this is where Marnie jumps in and she's like oh there are the kids i invited by mistake i definitely didn't get an earful from that in the morning yeah oh my god yeah she's she's she's amazing we get throughout this episode we get glimpses at some of the other coaches and that was one of the things we talked about in like the casting episodes the preview ones we did was who they were going to cast for these coaches and i will say marnie fucking kills it yeah i'm i'm all in on coach jackie who's played by tiffany

denise hobbs she's like the strength coach that we see later on oh i know she's so good but the content they give her is i wasn't i wasn't too mad at the content because the way she delivered it was like like grade a like that's the best you can do with that fucking garbage well because but she because she's like a like a real actress right like didn't she do like broadway and stuff yeah i think she was she was in broadway she was she's been in a bunch of um like she was um like she's like a character actress and a bunch of stuff like uh and i think she was haunting the hill house i think she was in yeah maybe maybe that was my deal because like she's a real actress and they gave her like kids show content and so like imagine how awesome it

would have been if she would have been like had something, you know, good to run with. It would have been the, the rest of the coaches though. Cause I was, I was really looking forward to some of the coaches. I was like the headspace guy. Boo. Yeah.

That could have been real quirky and hilarious. That could have been real crazy and hilarious. Right. Our cat, our casting choices were way better. I think. Yeah. No,

no, no, no, no offense to the actors. Yeah. I have a little offense to everyone involved these days i'm just this is this is you're all to blame yeah exactly you know i'm not i'm not quite yet at like you know order 66 or whatever like anakin style i'm not quite there yet

but you know the the dark side is starting to creep in you know i will i will say we like episode one wasn't good we were we were very harsh on that um but episode one was way better than this one this one episode two is a real snooze fest honestly yeah i hated it no surprise here all right let me get out of being a fun hater i'm sorry i wouldn't say i hated it just because it's i it was it was it was just so blah to me it was a real snooze fest like i it wasn't um like thought provoking enough for me to hate it it was just there it was just there just a waste of my fucking time all right so but anyways we get the kit app post hilarious about our our podcast just a waste of fucking time yeah oh yeah i'm sure little do they know um you know listen i think we talked about this like in the very beginning but you know kelly

told me to get a hobby little did she know what she was getting into that That's, I mean, you know, asking you shower, see if here we go. Here's my hobby. Did not think I would take it this far. I love how she's telling you to get a hobby. You need to get a job. Do something to entertain yourself. So anyways, kids get their prison trackers for their uh fitness trackers they're sick apple watches dude that's dude i you know i actually put this because i quit wearing a fitbit when i

hit after i hit 10 000 steps in consecutive days from petting the dogs that was that was when i was done with i was like okay this is just this is kind of a waste of money you know let me just do it instead of trying to track it when you know vigorously petting josie boom 10 000 steps and i was like oh shit i forgot to use you know the other hand or whatever it doesn't matter it just it was annoying so anyways yeah well nick does that nick nick does that too he just starts shaking yeah he just climbs climbs up the fucking leaderboard. He's number one just for a few moments. Hopefully he took a photo of that when he was number one.

He did. Get proof of that. Because then Coop's roommate, AJ, starts ripping burpees. Yeah. My favorite. This is actually the only good piece of writing in this episode. Coop says, so if my avatar dies, do I die too? My favorite, this is actually the only good piece of writing in this episode. Coop says, so if my avatar dies, do I die too?

That was classic Coop. They did a good job with Coop this episode of calling back to his video game days. Because right when they give him the watch, or the band or whatever you call it, he's like, so you're telling me i'm my own avatar yeah and then he gets super excited when they get to the mind gymnasium and then yeah that line that line is good too when he's like if my avatar dies do i die too yeah like i said in the the episode one kube is a standout as far as acting chops. Yeah, he's got it. He was already good in season one, but he got even better.

Yeah, even better. Yeah. And then Alex, of course, critiques the schedule. I know we're making hockey killers, but we got to have time to relax. And he's like, it's your job for them to be on schedule. Next up, friendship bracelets. Or no, sorry. relax um and he's like it's it's your job for them to be on schedule you know next up friendship bracelets or no no sorry uh alex calls the fitbits friendship bracelets from hell yeah and this this is where um i think i mentioned it um in episode one um too early um when we

were talking about how the the the format of this is going to go um he met this is where coach cole mentions it that it's a the first half of this is going to be all individual and the second half is when the coaches are going to draft um their teams each coach drafts their own team then you do the tournament play and the team that wins goes to – again, I forget what he calls it, but the coach's classic championship super-duper bowl. And that's where all the scouts are. So that's what we're working towards is – and I assume by the first half, he means the first half of the season is going to be all individual. So it's going to be this episode, next episode, maybe the fourth episode. And then we're going to get into team play tournament wise.

And we're probably going to get different ducks drafted to different teams. Or. 100%. Or they're all going to do so bad individually. Except for Evan. Evan. That they all get drafted to the ducks. Or.

Yeah. Like Evan drafted to the Ducks. Or. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, Evan goes to the top. Like, the coach Colin or whatever's team. And then the other Ducks are, like, the leftovers with, like. I think that's what's going to happen. With the fitness coach. What's her name again? Jackie.

Jackie. Fitness coach Jackie, maybe. Because, like, her and Nick get like a bond because they use their – I don't know if they got a – Because they use their sad rage. I don't know if they got a bond. I'm pretty sure she hated Nick at the end of their – Yeah, but like they come around.

She tells him that his mom's dying. No, like but they come around. You know, like they bond through the fight. Maybe. But I think that's how it's going to go down. All the ducks are so terrible that they just get... Well, no, because then they wouldn't get drafted by the same team. I don't know how it's going to work out.

Yeah, either way, we get a post that interaction training montage and nick is paired with that huge dude and he's like trying to get convince him to take it easy and that coach is like too much talking drop and give me 20 and that is some amazing on ice push-up struggle from nick you know that's the story the story of this it just you know spoiler alert it's the the nick really starts not liking where he's at you know that that was the the the first other coach we get a glimpse at coach don is the one who screams at nick yeah but we don't like get a huge intro into her that's it no we don't we don't get an intro at all the only reason i know her name is because i'm looking at the credits yeah but this is where we go to your girl coach jackie

tells us the story about her 10 year old nephew trapped under a car i i i love i loved the beginning of this because and the way the way tiffany uh denise hobbs does this is fucking perfect because she goes the way she kind of like falls off and starts on the the ketchup artisanal catch well that's that too that too but also the very beginning when she's sitting there and she's like i want to tell you guys a funny story so my nephew was trapped under a car the body is able to forget its limitations yeah what does she call it sustained hysterical strength yes right yeah yes that's exactly it's exactly it my favorite part of that was when she starts like and then they grow up and they move to wherever and they uh get a job owning a business

that they sell you don't get a job owning a business you they sell. You don't get a job owning a business. You start a business. He's started a business, but it doesn't taste any spicier than real ketchup. So I'm probably going to lose that investment. She says he starts his own business, but it's run out of his apartment. That's what it is. That was,

that was good. And then she was like, she, she crushes it she fucking crushes it i i need more coach jackie i hope she crushes it i just i don't know i just wanted she better be she better have at least one duck on her team so we can get more of her she's gonna have nick on her team um and so i hope so i like their dynamic they played well off each other i think her and her and Nick can make some gold. Yeah, this was good when she was like, right now your moms are trapped under a 94 Impala.

She's like, I'm sorry, I can't do it. And he's like, oh, you can't do it? Well, don't worry, they're dead. The way she delivers that line was fucking gold. Don't worry, They're already dead. Oh, man. So then post-coach Jackie, we get Headspace. And it's a gym for your mind.

You gain the advantage on the ice by getting mentally tough. It's where your brain gets jacked, Brandon. Jacked in brains. Yep. And so Nick gets the VR headset on and it is real life scary ass dude, you know, team Iceland type of dude running at him. And he turns and he runs and he mashes right into the wall. Have you seen the videos on like Instagram and tiktok of people doing this shit or like where they put the vr on their parents and then they like step through the glass coffee table or some shit uh that's good stuff i always i always hate it but it always pops up they should have shown uh what he saw in virtual reality and had it been like gunner stall on team iceland or

sanderson that would have been fantastic olav sanderson coming for him i could fucking run too man uh but anyways all right so then back in my country he's yeah so god so then we switch over to the next coach and i forgot his name but um is this the health the health one yeah this is lunch oh rufus coachufus. Coach Rufus. And he's like, who wants pizza? And you knew where this was going right away when you saw the trash can next to the pizza. What a waste. Yeah, a waste of pizza and $20. Yeah.

$16, however much that would have cost. I don't know about – I don't know pizza prices in California. My favorite is like, you know, these are just pizza cigarettes for your heart. Oh, that's my favorite. I mean, that doesn't sound too bad. That sounds pretty nice, actually. Do you know how relaxing a cigarette is? I was just going to say, you know what?

Actually, I'll take one because this show makes me want to start fucking smoking again. It's that bad. Like, get me a couple marb lights you know fire up a few heaters and i'll get through this goddamn show you know i'm more of an american spirit guy oh god dude oh disgusting the yellow pack that's where it's at man fuck you up i don't like throwing up is my problem like if you if you're. Like if you, if you're drunk, if you're drunk, if you're drunk and you smoke in an American spirit, that's just asking for the spin. What's one percent.

I've never seen American spirit. I've never thrown up after smoking an American spirit. Oh, man. Yeah. Toughen up, man. Oh,

dude. I just, I was, uh, you know, back in the day, I actually, you know how I quit smoking.

I did it through taste aversion. I would just, I would try to quit and then I would get really blackout drunk. And then I would buy a pack and I would just, you know, start ripping cigs. And then I would throw up the next morning and then I quit. And it would taste like cigs. And I'd be like, I can't even. Cigs now remind me of throwing up. See, I've never thrown up after a cigarette

i've thrown up mostly just i thought the next morning yeah and my mouth tastes like cigs and like i wake up with the spins and my mouth tastes like cigs and then i would go barf and then boom see i feel oh god my 20s your 20s are wild man i i i only ever i only ever smoked when I was blackout drunk. Or at least super drunk. Probably not blackout. I worked at a warehouse by myself. It just held me past the time. Yeah. I was going to say, I smoked a little bit when I was

serving. Because that's just what you do. Everybody goes out for a smoke break. I'm not going to sit in the fucking restaurant by myself. I'm not a fucking loser. No. What am I? What am I?

A don't bother. But, uh, I, I, I never had any, I never had any, any throw up issues.

I, I, I felt like cigarettes always calmed my stomach down. Oh, yeah. But it was, like I said, it was always because I would smoke,

like I would try to quit and then i would smoke like 10 the night before and then i would oh you see oh and then i like yeah you're a binge yes i i went from zero to 60 because i was trying to quit that's why you're throwing up because you're fucking smoking 10 that's it that's what i'm saying like that's what i'm saying like it was like and then that that cycle of me trying to quit accidentally made me quit because it would just go through this vicious cycle of like trying to quit and then oh man it was awesome yeah i don't know what it is i just i don't know what it is i just hate donuts so much i throw up every time after i eat two dozen yeah exactly you know and like it was like yeah yeah i was a disaster though there

towards the end in houston you know houston heath was just a different monster we should end this though with don't smoke kids it's it's not it's not worth it it's never it's never good i was i was lucky enough to where i only ever did it when i was like super drunk. So I never got like addicted to it. Thank God. Yeah, don't get addicted to it. It sucks. Then you do what I did and you turn into a lunatic because you like need one so bad when you're blacked

out and then you do 10 because you're like, oh my God, yes, so good. And then you're but then taste aversion. I can't even like can't even look at one. It all works out. Yeah. All worked out in the end. That's a win.

All right. Let's get back. I wanted to go through this episode fast. Yeah. Well, it's fine. You can learn your own lessons. Go smoke cigars first. Two lessons I want everybody to take away from this episode.

Don't go to the Olympic Village. Don't smoke boom nah it's fine you should give it a try try some black and milds kids go go try some black and milds might as well do as well do the strawberry swisher yeah do some do some wood do some wood cherry wood tipped black and milds that's that's what you want to go go smoke those kids that's that's cool you'll be fucking cool what are the what are the little ones all right then we'll move on what are the like the little like they're like cigarette cigars i forgot what they're called i don't know aren't those isn't that what a swisher is or what no it's like i forget what i forget what

they're called but it they did a whole bit about them in work a workaholics episode that only posers smoke them oh i think crap i forget what they're called but i know what you're talking about you know what i'm talking about i'm sure the listeners know what i'm talking about too if you grew up in the 2000s but anyways all right so we we just got done with rufus he threw away the pizza yeah through oh yeah we've got nutrition we got the three r's refuel repair rehydrate nick great line this isn't lunch this is a lecture about lunch i did love that they get 15 15 minutes to eat relax and we're hitting dead man's right i loved how i did like how he said that though he was like no no you guys get you guys get free time you got 15 minutes

that time is all yours yeah yeah love that um and then we get alex playing the guitar is this a little jefferson airplane right uh so i want to point out it's not is it jefferson airplane i forget i don't know i just want to all right no no no it's um i don't think oh my god what it's uh it's it's leaving on a jet plane but it's not jefferson airplane that's i got it don't let's let's not talk i remember i was in a bad i've been in a bad mood all day let's not hold me accountable to anything i forget it what is it is it john the first thing that popped up is john denver but i feel like that might be a cover yeah anyways here we go who originally

saying leaving on a jet plane oh no it is john denver okay all right well there you go fucking john denver dude that crazy son of a bitch um he's full of shit thought the rockies would be a little rocky all right so i fucking love john denver all right i i think it it's partly to do with i mean rocky mountain high is one of the greatest songs ever written um and the fact that his last name is denver i think it has a lot to do with it but john denver fucks yeah i don't i'm not disagreeing with that i just want this episode to get over with faster than the pace needs to quicken brandon what what i wanted to say though is there's i there's no no fucking possible way that the character of alex morrow

knows how to play guitar there's no fucking way okay i would agree with that too um but she probably she was probably a you know just wanted to do it but what we needed is just an excuse for her to be you know not doing her job basically and just when has she ever done her job yeah so she's she's taking a break she runs into the kids into the coach's kid, and him and her just start talking a whole lot of shit. Great hair and a lot of rules, but does he ever get tired of listening to himself? And then all of a sudden, you've got Coach Collin in the back.

He says, yet somehow I keep going. I'd say if I had a voice, a sultry, smooth voice like Josh Duhamel, I'd be talking all the time. I mean say if I had a voice, a sultry, smooth voice like Josh Duhamel, I would talk. I'd be talking all the time. I mean, he is handsome. Imagine being that handsome. Oh, dude. Dude.

If only. Right. God. I would have led a whole different life. Wouldn't we, Brandon? My God. Instead of just looking mediocre at best or just the most handsome dude even even if i even if i still look the same but i had his hairline my life oh dude if i had josh dumel's

hair i would be like senior director of something by now right like it would just they would i would instead of being some weird bald you know guy from the Midwest, I'm just this luscious locks. I used to have just the thickest blonde hair, too. And then one of life's little jokes, it all fucking fell down my back. I never had good hair. I was always a step behind. That's what I tell people. My hair's running down my back

oh i got i got plenty of hair it's just not on my head that's what i'm saying that's it literally is running down my back it went from the top and it ran down my back i did just i trimmed the beard uh yesterday so we're i also like the line from high and tight now i i also like the line from the league with Andre where he calls it his clear hair. Yeah. I use that a lot. That's become a Heathism. All right. So anyways, God damn it, Brandon.

We're falling off target. Okay. So Jace missed the run. And then the coach says, I'm going to give you a pass to Alex for talking shit because my son likes to rile people up. It's just what he does. And this is where she finds out that that's his son. Yeah. Oh, boy.

That's your kid? Oh, my God. Yeah, talking shit to the coach's kid. I mean, honestly, that's a pro move is when you turn the child against the parent. That's top-notch espionage right there. She should work for the government. Although he was already against... He's got daddy issues. He's already against the kid.

Or against the dad. That's true. She doesn't need any help there. But then we get Evan very tone-deaf talking a whole bunch of shit to Sophie. I love this line where he so he's like he's like talking shit to her about how good he's doing the rankings and then she's just like yeah whatever and he goes you know if you don't roast me back i just look like a fucking asshole

newsflash once again newsfl asshole, Evan. Alarm bells. It's time to look in the mirror, buddy. You kind of suck. And this is where Sophie is like, yo, I'm not giving 100%. I don't want to go backwards from where I was last year. This is smart. Like we said last episode, this is them passing in the night, the two ships. Evan's going from not bothering to absolutely caring, and Sophie's going the other way. We're on two different wavelengths here.

This is also where, you know, young boys and young girls, like, you can see where young girls mature emotionally so much faster than young men and so like evan does not have the mental capacity to realize like hey if i really push sophie she's gonna fall back into these really negative habits that she just spent all year trying to work her way out of this could kind of like bring her back it's not what she wants to do. But he doesn't give a shit. He's just thinking like. Oh let's play hockey. Yeah.

Classic Evan. Classic Evan. So anyways. I did love. Sophie has another line though. Where she's talking about. She's like. I didn't want this to be cutthroat.

Like all the other camps i've been to and then she rattles off a couple camps and one of them is girl empowerment camp yeah yeah and evan's like girl why why the fuck was girl empowerment camp cutthroat and she looks at him and she goes 150 girls all trying to be the most woke or i forget what she said most empowered like how would that not be cutthroat? You said the quiet part out loud. Yeah, but. I thought that was 150 girls trying to be the most empowered.

Are you kidding me? But, like, could you imagine how vicious that would be? Oh, my gosh. Like, the games that would get played there i wouldn't i wouldn't survive i know i couldn't survive that type of like oh absolutely no mental gymnastics that you would have to do they would have fucking like weeded me out and split me up this he is he is he is stout to body but weak of soul get him the fuck out of here they would have chewed me up dude they would have he's like maya right like they would have found that like one thing and i would have just

fallen to pieces oh my god i got a good kick out of that too just like i yeah i bet that was so brutal and i wouldn't have survived not one not a bit uh anyways okay um so yeah wait where are we at again all right so anyways uh oh yeah that was sophie and and and evan so nick's just nick's in the woods he's running away. Cause Sophie's like, Oh shit. Where's Nick? And then they look at the, they look at the board and they see him moving up.

Cause everyone's at lunch or breaking. Everybody finished dead man's run, but they left Nick behind. He's still in the woods. He's just running. He's running away from camp. That was his goal. He veered off track on purpose

he was didn't you see that part he's like i'm out of here man like he was behind everyone and he was like i'm out of here and he purposely took off and ran away yeah but so so i think because based on the conversation he has with uh alex later i'm fairly certain he like veered away veered off to try to go back to camp then he got lost and then he was once he got lost he was like fuck it i'm gonna then he goes then he gets into the like the greatest product placement of all time oh for hilton yeah oh god anyways it doesn't matter it was running around he's he yeah he runs away um but they figure out he's running away because he is the only one moving up the leaderboard because he's the only one still exercising yeah because everybody else is chilling after dead

man's run and he's fucking chugging through the chugging through the woods yeah and then we get a little we get we can go fast over the setup because um alex and the coach are like i'm a single mom i'm a single dad before you go i want to point out two things about that about alex and coach cole's conversation the first thing is so she's walking into the office. The scene starts. She's walking into the office, and he has like a little magnetic board thing that he's playing with. Did you see what's on the magnetic board that he's playing with? It is not a hockey rink. It's a fucking soccer field that he's playing with. So either, either he's, either he's thinking about either he's thinking about soccer. Um,

or the more likely scenario is whoever's in charge of the props doesn't know the difference between a soccer pitch and a hockey rink. Dude, Disney is just on our shit list. I saw, I saw that and it took me, it took me like three double takes. I kept like rewinding. I was that's a fucking Soccer field what is

What is he doing You know what I wait the next scene Is the one that I almost Text you to turn off the show Okay but before we go to that scene The other part of that Of Alex and Coach Cole's conversation I mentioned it in episode one

Because you quoted this exact line Is Alex mentions that she's a super nice person when in fact she is absolutely not. She's the most judgmental and belittling person in this entire show, probably the world, honestly. She there's not a single line In any of these episodes Going but even going back to season one Not a single line Where she isn't judging Or belittling somebody else Not a single fucking line she has Brandon I am a very nice person

But I am also very direct With my feedback You are But and unlike Alex You're not you're not judgmental Yeah i'm not a dick about it i'm just honest like if you're if you're doing something the wrong way i'm not gonna sit here and be like well you know what sure is nice that you're trying it the wrong way it's like hey um you know what i would do i would quit fucking doing it the wrong way are you dumb

but that that's not what that's not what Alex – Still nice. Alex is straight up not nice though. Alex is – she's – like I said, there's not a single line in any of these episodes where she isn't judging or belittling somebody else. Yeah. Even like going back to season one when she's – anytime she talks about Stephanie, she's belittling Stephanie. Anytime she's talking about Bombay, she's judging Bombay. It's just she's not a nice person.

And the fact that she thinks she's a nice person makes her the worst person. 100%. People that think they're nice that aren't actually nice are my least favorite people in the world. Well, nobody likes a sociopath right that's pretty much what you are it's just it's self-awareness like you know like if you're gonna that's if you're also an epidemic in america there is a full-on lack of self-awareness on the greater the larger population that's why i don't talk to anybody i just because they're yeah like just brandon we don't need to like the old miser bad guy heath is coming out slowly but surely this is why i just he'll turn

heath but the he'll turn heath i mean the the the the joke is and i think i mentioned this to you off air though is that you've always been the heel heath. I'm the good guy on this podcast. You're the bad guy. I've always been the bad guy on this podcast. I just never knew it. Yeah, I'm the good cop. Oh, my God. All right.

And the worst part about this whole recording session is it's about to cut into my football time. So we need to get a move on. We're almost done. I know. I'm just razzing you. But I actually need to hurry because i need to go on a huge tangent for five seconds and maybe i'm wrong maybe i am wrong brandon and have been wrong but we cut into over to evan and

he's running over to sophie and he goes hell fucking yeah've got, I made the top 20. And so he's like, cool. We can't find Nick anywhere. And he's like, yeah, did you send him? She's like, I even sent him. And this is, this is where I wanted to turn off the fucking show. She says, I said, she says, I said, yeah. She says, I sent him a Jiffy. Oh.

Yeah. I, it is like nails on a chalkboard hearing someone call it a fucking jiffy. That's where you draw the line. This is my- Not the garbage writing we just sat 20 minutes through. This is the line in the sand sand this is the straw that broke the camel's back that these are the worst trash riders that i've ever experienced in a show in my entire life this is not this is not fucking peanut butter brandon this is not peanut butter that had

to be recalled three months ago that made me have to switch to uh peter pan which now i've made the full switch to peter pan just wait why'd you switch away from gif from jif see now you got me you got me confused i switched away from jif because they uh they had to do a huge recall because they were poisoning us through our peanut butter how were they poisoning us it was like an e-coli outbreak or whatever ow i don't worry about it so i that's made up it's fake okay so but anyways it's a fucking giphy right is it not a giphy i mean i i honestly i i say it both ways i don't i honestly don't care oh you're one of those? Oh, God. But you're the fucking Sweden of the Giphy Jiphy. Whoa, whoa. Okay, first of all, let's not smirch my homeland of Sweden here.

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order. As someone who loves Giphy's, I empathize with Nick. Like, that would get me going, too. I almost overuse it. I love some Giphy's. I don't know if you can blame that. Not via text, only Slack, though. I don't know if you can blame that on the writers, necessarily.

Maybe that's a Sophie preference? Oh, don't put if you can blame that on the writers necessarily. Maybe that's a Sophie preference. Oh, don't put that on Sophie. It's either a Sophie preference or a director's preference. It's one of the two. Because either she said it the right way and the director was like, no, no, no, no, no. That's not how you say it. Or she said it how she says it and the director just let it go well either way you need to take that up with sophie you need to take that up with uh uh swimming batia um i'll be sure i'm gonna i'm gonna cut i'm gonna cut this clip and tag her in it so she can see it uh don't i i love

you know sophie's cool man like she Like she's, she's very emotionally intelligent. She's an overall character. Honestly, Heath, that's, that could be like gold for our podcast. If you pick a fight with a 14 year old, I think that's gold. That's like, that's it. That's the pendulum has officially swung. I am a bad guy. Picking a fight with kid actors picking a fight with kid actors

on the podcast okay once again this is taking too long but i do my my only beef with sophie here is that like she can't get mad at evan for wanting to be good no it's like it's the it's the same they need to go down their own paths that's. But don't be upset at him for wanting to be good and making those practices. Yeah. It's the same issue I have with Alex where it's like if you don't want to care, that's fine. But don't belittle other people for caring. You know? Yeah.

Yeah. So anyways, and I love that when Sophie's like, let's go. We got to go look for him he's like he's probably facetiming his mom's under a tree somewhere oh classic stuff um yeah that's we should clarify that for all for everybody listening even though coach jackie in her scenario said that uh nick's moms are already dead they're not they're alive and well they're fine everybody's fine that's my favorite is uh and then they're all they're alive and well they're fine everybody's fine that's my favorite is uh and then they're all looking for nick and coob goes because sophie gets mad at evan because

he chooses to practice and sophie rounds up the rest of the dutch and they go looking for nick which i mean is a is it is that's a bit of a dick move by evan i mean i it's not he is made the top 20 so he made the top 20 practice. It's called keeping the schedule, keeping your commitment. Brandon, they've got five other degenerate ducks that can go out and fucking look for Nick. Don't take Evan out for wanting to be good. So my only issue is context is everything here. Okay. context is everything here okay if it's say say it was say it was sophie or even maya or sam that was missing right i'd be like i would understand evan i'd be like fine whatever

they're fully capable of taking care of themselves they can figure this out but the context is everything this is nick okay nick is not the most he doesn't he know he's a smart kid but he's he's not you know he's not agile he's not you know he's not street smart you can just say it brandon he can't cut it on his own okay and he we lost him during dead man's run which was in the middle of the fucking woods so he could literally be a dead man yes so that's where i get where sophie's coming from where it's like this is nick in the middle of the woods right maybe we should have some some concern here fine well coob smartest chooses to go look for him in the cafeteria where they get the avocado based chocolate

he's disgusted i love that maya starts going to look back through the woods and she's like yeah i'm not gonna be a part of a horror film um i refuse to be a victim yeah and then and then sophie incorrectly checks the gym of course and And then I love that Maya starts crying and Coop and Sophie look at her. I did like this part was good. Wait, well, we didn't think that you liked him. She's like, yeah, but he's like my hamster. I just got used to him being around. And then like my hamster, he ran away.

I like how they're like, sorry, your hamster's dead. I like how Coop and Sophie were like like have you ever even talked to me which i know which like thinking back to thinking back to season one i don't think they ever had like a conversation between the two no no no but yeah and then sam's like he left his phone oh and i'm i was premature with this but this is where they look at the board and they can tell that he's still moving like oh he's still on the move he looked at the board um and then nick drops his pocket yam in the mud and he's he's ready to give up i was trying to i was trying to figure out what that was yeah it was it was a pocket yam um i thought it was like a candy bar but then it didn't look like a candy bar yeah he's

laying there and then he hears the road so he runs to the road and this is where you get the product placement we see a hilton not and what not just a hilton hilton garden in oh hilton guy i'm more of a drury in and sweets kind of guy i'm all about la quinta because they're because they're dog friendly and so i most hotels are dog friendly now that's why i go to drury yeah well la quintas listen listen brandon as someone who has stayed i used to be a la quinta guy through and through but you can get some real that's what's right like the the line the line between good and bad la quinta is a line that if you cross you're in big trouble whereas drury and in sweets you know what you're getting every time a great stay and a fucking free meal yeah i mean they give you free food and now granted it's like

cafeteria school food but like listen a little lakita does that for they have breakfast they get the content no dude i'm talking like a dinner like they give you like dinner like the last time i was there they had chicken uh chicken alfredo and it was just like what you would get in college i don't know if i'm eating drury and chicken alfredo especially because the the only time i really stay at these hotels on the road trip yeah it's on the road trip so like i've i found the like top-notch laquitas i know where they are paducah kentucky the laquita they're top fucking notch dude wait oh wait hold on i stay i say the jury in in uh marion illinois because i'm going up through nebraska okay yeah so like i keep going up north whereas you go start heading over to mizzou yeah well no i guess we you come up in through

illinois too and then you start going west through missouri and then i go well you continue through kansas city and i go north through kansas city yeah i'll say i briefly go through illinois the only and it's only because of like the little bottom of it it's that weird little spot where like four states are right there and you drive through yeah it's the the thing is is that you're just a coward and i can drive like two hours longer than you because i i like to go well i like to go stay up in illinois for multiple reasons that we won't get into on the podcast but um why do you like saying i was gonna say the reason i stop in paducah is because it's literally right before st louis you should you know what you should do which i did

last time is if you stay just on the other side of paducah is metropolis illinois home of superman and there's a fun casino that's where i stay and it's pet friendly yeah i i don't see i there's the reason i stop in paducah uh kentucky is it's kind of a shithole city though like i was i was gonna say I was going to say because Southern Illinois, Southern Illinois, St. Louis and all of Missouri are hell on earth. I would. Oh, I always stand.

I literally, those are like you pointed out all the places I usually stay, but that's fine, dude. That's the worst. The, the, the, the worst,

the worst state, the worst piece of land in all of the world is Missouri. I can argue with that. I make it a point to not drive. Because I go St. Louis to Kansas City and then home. I make it a point to not drive through Missouri in the middle of the night. Oh. I will either like – depending on when I leave, I can usually make it to either like Paducah right before St. Louis or I can make it to Kansas City.

Yeah. Depending on when I leave. I make it a point like in the middle of the night not to drive through Missouri because I don't want to end up like God forbid on the side of a fucking Missouri highway. That's how horror movies start you know and i mean and thank god i'm not a minority if i was a minority there's no fucking way i would be driving through missouri in the middle of the night no fucking way i always i always on my road trips i always leave at like 4 a.m um because you're just on the road right away no cars anyways i either because i i either do it one way or the other i either leave at like four or five a.m or i've done sometimes where i don't leave until like

4 p.m 5 p.m and one drive to like midnight yeah that that's usually when i'll stay at paducah is when i leave it at in the afternoon otherwise i can i can make it to kansas city easy nice um so all right well anyways moral is trying to get a chocolate chip cookie i say moral of the story is if you live in missouri kill yourself oh my god all right i mean jesus all right so nick tries to get a free chocolate cookie from the Hilton and the lady is not freaking buying it. The lady is a fucking bitch, I will say. Yeah, she's really mean to him. Give him a goddamn cookie. Like you can tell he's covered in mud.

He's lost. He has no phone. Like give him a cookie and call his parents. He's a 12-year-old kid. He's lost in the middle of nowhere. since she just sends him to the bar and like and like give him a water like a cup of water well he does he he does get a he does get a sprite he gets a free sprite because he's he's he's yapping earl's ear off and earl earl's like if you shut up i'll give you a fun sprite so anyways we go back to camp coach alex is freaking out and the coach coach colin rightly says um it's your job

to make sure they eat sleep and train on schedule so what the fuck is your problem but he's like luckily these wristbands have gps and marnie thinks he's at a gentleman's club. I love that line, that little throwaway line. He's at a gentleman's club. That's a Hilton Garden Inn. And so, anywho, I love that Coach Alex is like, so what was the end game here? And he's like, I don't know. Yeah.

He has a couple good lines when he's talking to the the front desk lady and she won't give him a cookie he he's like backing away and he's like this will be reflected in my review yeah and then uh and then he's sitting there talking to earl and he's like earl it has been a day it has been a day I love old soul kids like that. They're my absolute favorite little human creatures to interact with. Cause there's, it is, it is so funny to me when little kids have old souls.

But like you mentioned, Alex freaks out on coach Cole and she's like, this is a hundred percent your fault. I told you this camp is garbage some kids running away and it's like well a it's nick he would have ran away from anything yeah um and b you're a his a you're you're the one who brought him here b you're his fucking counselor that works here yeah it's your fault she is somehow a not only a worse coach but also a worse chaperone than gordon bombay because bombay bombay never lost a kid that is true that is true bombay may

not have the best time keeping skills he may not be able to show up to that game on time, but son of a bitch. He never lost a kid. He never lost a kid. But my – so Alex convinces Nick to come back, and the reason she convinces him is because Nick realizes that hysterical strength is a real thing because as he was running away, he ran nine miles through the the hilton not just hysterical strength sustained sustained hysterical strength so uh so i love that it was um so he had to he had to choose between airport or camp and he chose camp and alex alex does alex does have a good line when she's convincing Nick.

She says – and this is one of those things where it's like, hey, moron, how about we take our own advice that you're giving out here? She tells Nick, I think if the only reason you don't want to go back is because you're scared, that's why you should go back. And that's – maybe take that advice and apply it to your own parenting style here um post alex pep talk we cut to my girl marnie and she hits us with the line of the episode she says all right so i'm drafting the press release in case things go poorly what did nick love i didn't catch that fucking lie marnie one million percent more marnie 100 less everything else just make the show about her at this point yeah oh so and then then co's like, we're praying for the best here. But can I call his bed? Oh, yes.

That's good stuff. And then here comes the RV with Nick and Alex. And he has a cookie. He got a cookie. Yeah. He got a cookie because she was pretending to be Mrs. He's like, thank you for the cookie, Mrs. Constantine.

Yeah, I thought that was good stuff. And then he gets out and Maya punches him. He's like, geez, I didn't know you cared so much. Really? And then and then Evan, Evan and Sophie kind of come back together because Evan brings Pucky back, you know? Um,

and then, yeah. And then coach, coach Colin is like, Hey, good job finding him. Um, you know?

Yeah. What does, what does Sophie say to Evan at the end? She says something like, don't go changing on me, Mauro. Don't go changing on me. Yeah.

Yeah. Uh, but he is changing on you, Sophie. Sorry. I mean, he's a 13-year-old boy. That's all they do is they change. Yeah. And that wraps up what was a really great episode. I really loved it, Brandon.

I'm having a lot of fun with this. What would your cakey rating be out of five here? Like a seven? Oh, boy. What did I rate? Buddy games? It's above buddy games. I think you gave buddy games like a negative score, I'm pretty sure.

Okay. It's not negative. Once again, I said it in the beginning i was kind of been in a bad mood all morning anyway so like maybe i woke up on the wrong side of the bed and chose violence against this show all day on the podcast and so i wasn't coming out of it with a positive mind mindset you know it's it's not good i will say that it's not it's not good especially episode one wasn't one wasn't bad, all things considered. Episode two was real snooze fest, though.

There's not a lot going on. You can throw this one away. Marnie is the only saving grace at this point. More Marnie, less everything else. Yeah, yeah. Marnie. Coach Jackie had a couple good lines. Nick had a couple good lines.

Yeah. Nick and Marnie,vps so far for me yeah but so hopefully and once again if you are a millennial you know trying to watch this to relive the magic kiss it goodbye punt on this season bombay is not here it's gone come back come back next season yeah but i but still listen to all of our podcast episodes don't yeah listen to the podcast episodes do that yeah make sure you follow along with us on instagram at TheCakeEatersPod, on Twitter at TheCakeEaters. Also reach out to us via email, TheCakeEatersPod at gmail.com or visit our website, TheCakeEatersPod.com.