The Cake Eaters - 64. D2: The Bash Brothers

Episode Date: August 15, 2023

Heath & Brandon continue their D2 deep dive conversations. Let's Bash! On today's episode, the boys talk through the original baseball Bash Bros, how baseball needs to bring back steroids, Japan Super-Babies, Big Tib Nasty, Pet Sounds by The Beach Boys, Oakland v. Vegas, Brandon's hate for Christian Pulisic, and the cover they iconic journey of The Bash Brothers through D2. Follow us at www.thecakeaterspod.com and on Twitter (@thecakeeaters) and Instagram (@thecakeeaterspod) Email us at [e-mail]

What does possible sound like for your business? It's having to spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with Business Platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and conditions apply. Visit amex.ca slash business platinum. It's not worth winning if you can't win. Is that the Marx Brothers? No, it's the Bash Brothers. That's right, Heath.

We're not talking Mark Magrano. We're not talking Jose Canseco. We're talking the second iteration, the true iteration of the bash brothers bolden and portman not to be confused with the comedy group that was made famous from 1909 to 1945 no no siri brandon it is not the mar marks brothers it is the bash brothers i always forget they try to make fucking works i don't understand that because it was it was it was dated by almost 50 years when they put the joke no kids gonna get that and there's a you know the real bash brothers

versus the ducks bash brothers joke right there for you to do as well unless maybe they didn't want to point out that they stole the nickname but um and and maybe they also didn't want to like because there was a there was like a portman on steroids joke just staring them right in the face that's fair that is fair you know like that was like a missed opportunity there at the back that's the a missed opportunity there at the bat. That's the only missed opportunity with the bash brothers. Yeah. I was saying, you, you, you know, my feelings about steroids already.

I say, let them do them. You know, why not? Baseball would be more fun. Oh, it was so much better, dude. So much better. Yeah. Remember when Roger Clemens all roided up was throwing broken bats at people.

Give me, take the pitch at people. Give me, take the pitch clock away. Give me that. Come on. Take the pitch clock away. Give us HGH and steroid baseball and just put like, just change the record books to steroid baseball league. You don't need to change.

You don't need to change the record books because people have been doing steroids and baseball for like 40 fucking years okay if anything we need to change it now to be like oh hey we we decided to be stupid little idiots and stop people from from you know taking god-given chemicals to enhance their baseball skills these are god-given chemicals that were taken through an injection in their tuchus to help them rip home runs i think that's 500 foot bombs do you think otani is on steroids and that's how he's hitting 500 foot bombs and then pitching no i doubt he he doesn't have the like the crazy muscle definition that he would wait Do you think that he was grown in a lab in Japan? Like Otani was born in a lab in Japan to play baseball?

No. Or to be an athlete? No. Because if the people in Japan are growing people in labs, they're not wasting it on baseball i mean they they love baseball but they're not you know they're they would be they would be doing some kind of weird you know genius level they're not worried about baseball as far as like growing people in a way there might have been someone in the lab that's like hey you know we you know it'd be fun you guys like i'm getting real sick of super soldiers let's do an athlete let's see an athlete. Let's see if we can make this work. Let's make a fucking baseball

player and send him over to the MLB in one of the worst fucking teams with two of the best players. It doesn't make any goddamn sense. Anyways, baseball is so fucking weird. They're over there. You know this baby we were just going to throw away? Let me try to make him a baseball star. Anyways, alright. Back to the Bash Brothers

This is Portman, one of our favorite new ducks The Bash Brothers, one of the favorite wrinkles Iconic Yeah, absolutely Honestly, I would say now that I was going to say the most iconic part of the franchise

now that I'm thinking about it that's already a close call you got the knuckle puck yeah you got the knuckle puck you got the quacking you got the triple deke you know it's it's right up there though I mean

it's up there and it had probably the least amount of it's only in like half half of D2 yeah um amount of screen time you know yeah the knuckle puck far more often and if we wouldn't have had the bash

brothers we wouldn't have had woo woo woo Kenny woo learning how to be a tough guy and hitting us with the stick, the gloves, and then the shirt. Classic. Classic. But it was not all, you know, sunshine and rainbows for the Bash Brothers, Brandon. That first intro. That first half, like I said, it was only the second half of the movie. That first half, we were butting heads.

Yeah, they were not very chill. And my favorite is when Portman is skating around singing his jams. Don't you know that Fulton is like, who does this guy think he is?

And he goes skating up there and starts shoving back and forth because Fulton is like who is who does this guy think he is and he goes skating up there and starts shoving back and forth because Fulton was the Ducks enforcer and an enforcer can't have another enforcer come in his territory enforcing you know there's only one toughest guy in the room yeah

we learned that from Letterkenny they're gonna only be one toughest guy in Letterkenny. They're going to only be one toughest guy in Letterkenny. That's a fact, Jack. But where they really came together and where it was solidified was with our favorite team from the Junior Goodwill Games, those plucky underdogs, Trinidad and Tobago. Yes.

The real plucky underdog of D2, the Trinidad and Tobago ice hockey team. Yeah. Yeah. Because, I mean, yeah, Team USA is not an underdog in D2. Yeah. I mean, they're an underdog to Team Iceland, but as a whole, they're not an underdog. They're the Red Sox to Team Iceland's Yankees.

But yeah, the true, true underdogs, Trinidad and Tobago, those were the boys with the steel drums, man. Like we've said, that's the movie. That's the next movie. That's how we expand this. Yeah, it's where it's at but this is where the bash brothers are unleashed they score the goal portman gets the assist from fulton they're taking bows your boy big daddy t big tip nasty don tibones says they're the Bash Brothers.

Big Daddy T, dude. The Big Tib Nasty. Actually, there's a guy that I used to work with at Tacos and More. His nickname was Scooter because his name is Scott. And I used to walk in and just be like, Big Scoot Nasty. And then he started a lawn mowing business called big scoot lawn mowing

business. And so there you go. I like how you said that as if you're like, you're like his nickname, his nickname scooter. Cause his name is Scott. Obviously it's an obvious nickname. Yeah.

So just, so it just evolved into the big scoot nasty. Shout out. Shout out, Scott. Hope you're doing well, man. Saw Moen neighbor's lawn when I was back at the parents walking the dogs. Gave them the old one finger

salute in the Midwest. True sign of respect. Anyways. All right. So the Bash brothers Trinidad and tobago they're bonding but then we see what i consider the most insane sleep routine i've ever seen in my life but man when those bash brothers when they crank up you know a little tunage to fall asleep to what do we get brandon we get that we have ain't seen nothing yet that's that's what we get and and they are up on those beds jumping ripping air guitars like what a way to fall asleep

better wear yourself out before uh before you hit the hay i have to do the same thing with my dog gotta wear them out a little bit let right asleep gotta take big flappy out for a nice three mile walk before you hit the sheets exactly and then after we get the amazing sleep routine we get some mischief

you know the mischievous bash brothers they're sneaking out there's not a goddamn curfew in this world that can keep them in those fucking dorms man I don't think they're sneaking out there's not a goddamn curfew in this world that can keep them in those fucking dorms man i don't think they sneaked out i think they just walked right out the front door it's just like fucking stop us i dare you where's bombay bombay's in his goddamn penthouse yeah yeah just you know eating ice cream with the enemy. But before that, we... Trying to mack it on some honeys.

Oh, yeah. Hey, ladies. Nice night for a stroll, eh? Oh, fucking nailed it, Fulton. Yes! He wasn't wrong. It did look like a great night for a stroll. I mean, they're in L.A., right?

Like, in the greater Los Angeles area. Like, it probably was a beautiful night for a stroll. Middle of the summer. Like, come on, let's go. Beach boys sing about that shit all the time. You know, they can sing about it all the time. Then your boy Fulton probably was, you know, spitting the truth. Do you think Fulton's bigulton's big beach boy fan he's

he's jamming to uh the beach boys and they didn't they didn't get to the b side of the sleep mix all right that's when that's when things take a turn to the tubular little beach boys you know i fucking love the beach boys i don't think fulton's listening portman's definitely not listening to the beach boys listen can we talk about not speaking of like beach boys 90s how every 90s family sitcom had a hawaii episode and and one of the best the creme de la creme is uncle jesse up on stage with the boys oh my god i remember watching that episode in the living room in first street we still i think we still had our insane green carpet and brown furniture too it was it was wild man that's good stuff yeah you big uh you big pet sounds guy a big a big who that's their album pet sounds

the beach boys made an album called pet sounds are you serious are you must not be a real beach boys fan that's like the great their greatest album is pet sounds listen brandon it's one of the it's one of the greatest albums of the 20th century, Pet Sounds. I just listen to all, like, Beach Boys' greatest hits. That's me. I'm not like a deep cut fan. It's Pet Sounds. It's not deep cut. It's literally all.

Every song for Pet Sounds is on their greatest hits. Oh, okay. Well, I just didn't know the name of the album, Brandon. I literally have favorite movies that you couldn't pay me to name the main actors in like you know that's just that's how i am it's fucking it's fucking pet sounds though dude come on did you ever watch i only bring that up because do you ever watch portlandia yeah i mean i've hit when it was on netflix a while back there's a sketch in like I think one of the first seasons where the dude where Fred Armisen

the character he's playing like builds a recording studio in his basement and it just cuts it's like random cuts to him like playing stuff or like doing stuff on machines and he's like they use this in pet sounds. Then it cuts to another thing and he's like they use this in pet sounds. It's the best Portlandia skit. I'm going to another thing. He's like, they use this in Pet Sounds. It's the best Portlandia

scam. I love it. My favorite Portlandia stick is their relationship with the mayor. Oh, the mayor's great, yeah. I always do that, though, whenever I go to a friend's house and they have an instrument set up or whatever, I go over there and I'm like, oh, I think they use this on Pet Sounds.

Classic stuff. but regardless uh back to the to the bash brothers we had them sneaking out they killed it the perfect date for the icelandic do you think so i got a question do you think they went home right after they saw bombay do you think they went home right after they saw Bombay? Do you think they went home in disgust? Or do you think they stayed and tried to mack on some more girls? I don't feel like... There's no way they went straight home after that. There was all kinds of FU sauce flowing through them. That's true.

The adrenaline was pumping, that's for sure. They were upset. And then I also want to call out there was a little bit of friction halfway through because during the training fight the mutiny when portman takes uh takes umbrage with uh the way banks speaks to him you know don't tell me how to talk rich boy and that's where that's where that cakey to drop. But, but this is, this is where that should have been a cakey to drop,

but that's, this is where Portman turns to. He's, he's like, cause Keenan is talking all kinds of shit. He's like, look, this kid's crazier than me.

Look here, Fulton. Yeah. Yeah. Cause when he called, when he calls banks, a rich boy Fulton gets up and gives Portman like a little

shove like to back him off yeah that dude's crazier than I am it's great stuff it's great stuff and then I felt like both Fulton and Portman also had really both had like moments

with James and the street, you know, the street skaters, the soul skaters, like, like Portman, you know, like I'll, I'll always remember Portman, like, you know, kind of giving them like the fist pump, like, yeah, go USA. And Portman gives them a fist pump and Fulton is like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What kind of spicy shot is this here here what kind of knuckly goodness do we have going on here sure sure isn't some heat seeking missile game changers you stupid fucking morons i'm still mad like what the fuck was their problem with season two man like is it not to not

to stop you from from yelling at game changers again, but in the street hockey scene, is it Portman? Because there's a scene like right when they start playing where James shoves somebody up against the fence, and he says something along the lines of- You got to earn every inch. Yeah, can't take a second off. That's Portman. He does that to Portman, right?

Yeah, I think so. Yeah. So yeah, yeah. Is it Portman or Charlie? I can't remember. I off that's portman he does that to portman right yeah i think so yeah so yeah james portman or charlie i can't remember i think it's portman i don't think they would do that to poor charlie charlie charlie wouldn't be able to handle the fence no because then because that you're right because kids keenan is like then you slug some water and you do it again and charlie slugs some water and tries to go do it again yeah um yeah but so yeah well james very pivotal in in some more bash brothers transformation again because james also creates not only does he get fulton you know we get fulton with you know the shot we get portman feeling the heart and then we get

kenny turn it into the test guy. He gives Kenny Wu the confidence to be a Bash bro. Yeah. And that's where the final Iceland game is where we see the kind of the ultimate Bash brothers moment in the second period where due to the Bash brothers shenanigans, the game descends into absolute ducktastic chaos with Portman

and Fulton and Kenny, where, you know, it's like yeah, little Bash Brother, and they're celebrating it post-fight, and they're just all in the penalty box, acting like Looney Tunes. It's just really good stuff

yeah that really devolves into uh into a circus as bombay calls it real uh yeah but there you go yeah yeah really i don't know oh i was gonna say I don't really have too much else on the bashing of the brothers I mean spoiler alert for for D3 we get a

the because Portman only shows up in a brief part of D3 so there's not too much Bash Brothers action on d3 it's really contained to the like i said the last half of d2 um and it's still one of the like i said one of the more iconic parts of the franchise even though it's it's screen time is very limited but i think it's yeah it just tapped into a hockey and fighting and bad boys everybody loves it and

then um i think calling them the bash brothers they were able to kind of ride that like pop culture wave they were able to piggyback off of mcguire and conseco yeah um you know it was catchy i loved the bash brothers like i wanted to be a bash brother me and a hundred percent dude me and another guy on our basketball team in middle school you know really roughed people up back in the day bashing brothers around you know you know glove shirt stick or stick glove shirt yep stick gloves shirt are you doing that on the basketball court yep fight fought everybody not really mama d would have murdered me there would have been there would have been someone getting their ass kicked on the floor and it would have been me not not the other team and it would have been mama d kicking the shit out of me right there

in the middle you struck me as uh you strike me as somebody who got a lot of flagrant fouls though a lot of a lot of texts i didn't get no no brandon because we've actually, I think we might have talked about this because I'm kind of the worst. And so I did things, but I didn't get caught and the other people would get caught. And so like I would have gentle, you know, like someone going up for a rebound would get the sharp side of my elbow in the worst part of their lower back as we were like jumping up at the same time and like it would kind of knock them off gently but you couldn't see it and then i would get the rebound because i was smaller than everybody you know i was only six two i wasn't a giant in the post like the rest of those corn-fed sons of guns you know but that was i mean talk about things that should should be illegal in sports as being corn fed you know that's worse than steroids

what's the misanto or whatever the hgmos monsanto something like that yeah yeah something like that all the gmos it's it's classic in the this anyways yeah but yeah that's uh that's i mean we've talked about this it's it's like me being a sore winner like it's i i never like maliciously say things like i'm never like up front but i'm subtle and it's so like once you realize what's on, it's even worse and it makes you even more mad than, than it would if it was just upfront. So, you know,

like I was, I was a dirty player. It was just, no one knew, you know, it was just kind of, it was just a tough, you know,

he's just a tough player, but no one knew it was kind of dirty. Yeah. Real scrappy. Scrappy. Yeah. Oh, that's,

that's exact. You know, as a, and when, when you have the vertical vertical of you know a a amex card that's that's you gotta you gotta come up with other ways to to like do that stuff especially in the post and like i played well and i was good but i had to do like all the like shitty tricks and like oh you know this is no one no one would have ever wanted

to play with me it was you never worked on that vertical man dude there's there's nothing that like oh it was worked on brandon it was just there's some of us are just meant to be ground bound you know this is this german farm body was meant for one thing and one thing only it was meant for pushing a plow in old eastern europe like that's what my body style was made for that's like that uh that uh that clip of yokich um when they're when they're asking them why uh they're like you're getting old enough to play college basketball do you want to play that or do you want to stay back here in europe and he goes no i don't want enough to play college basketball. Do you want to play that? Or do you want to stay back here in Europe? And he goes, no, I don't want to go play college basketball. They jump and run too much.

Oh man. Yeah. It's just, if I had athleticism and, and, and like touch, you know, Jokic all day, can't get up off the ground, but you know, it was just, I have no touch. i have no finesse like it's all it's just a bull in a china shop huh yeah oh with everything you know i think we've talked about this it's like the tough mudder all over again right like i can do all the things but if you want to look for style and grace you are barking up the wrong tree

instead of climbing up the obstacle you just run straight through it. Trip up. Trip both up and down it at the same time somehow. Oh, man. That's classic stuff. There you go. Bash Brothers, Brandon. What else do you have to bash on with these guys? Dude.

Let's bash. More importantly, Brandon, I think that we can tease and we can preview because this is the last hold on you know what we need to do is we need to for the merch store I'm gonna see if I can remake because the

original bash brothers had merch that said let's bash I'm gonna see if I could recreate that for uh for our bash brothers that would be a sick merch drop keep your hand on the merch little portman fulton crossover collab keep you know especially with the a's especially with the a's drama going on you know dude i feel i i have a soft spot for oakland as a city i fucking love oakland uh because like like i mentioned um i mean i have a soft spot for it too but it's just not a viable like area for like major sports franchises anymore i feel like oakland is more

viable now than it's ever been you know comparatively to vegas though like if you're gonna pick two uh between two locations first of all vegas has vegas has no business having any sports teams they don't even have fucking water there i love i i love vegas not in like a Vegas way. I love Vegas like a 70-year-old person loves Vegas. I want to go eat buffet, and I want to sit in a sports book and gamble all day. Maybe go to old Vegas and play like those old slots that are a little more loose you know the the only redeeming uh factor of uh las vegas is the spiked baja bash or baja blast slushy that's the only good thing they got going for them

the but if you if if we if we loosen up these fucking puritan laws we got let that let that you know pop off everywhere then then Vegas has got nothing. That's true. I did really want to, this will date the podcast, but Dortmund plays someone, I think Man United possibly. Oh, on the U.S. tours they do? Yeah, yeah, at the end of July. I really wanted to go, but it just wasn't on the cards, I don't think.

Yeah. They're playing Man United? I think so. Are they either playing... And I think they're playing Chelsea in Chicago. I can't remember. I'd have to look it up. Oh, no, yeah. They are playing Man United in Vegas.

Let's see. July 30th. Ooh. Let's see what's going on with my tape here. Yeah, Juicy Polisic from the U.S. Went to AC Milan as well. I don't care for that guy. Okay, well, he just

went to Milan, which is a pretty big deal. Why doesn't he go to the MLS? Be a true American, you son of a bitch. The AC Milan is one of the teams I pick. That know how you make it not suck?

You help it out. That's what Messi is for. Messi is more of American than Pulisic. Pulisic should have to renounce his citizenship. He'll be a commie in Italy, you weirdo. Jesus. Okay.

Alright. Before my dog has another... It's only 70 bucks. It's only 70 bucks for Manu Baruza tickets here. Yeah. All right, Brandon, what else do you have to say about the Bash brothers? You're not going to go? We should go.

Well, let's kick the tires on that later. I've got some United points i could probably use to see what's uh what's a ticket to vegas cost uh it's not it's not very expensive i was looking at it especially from denver it's super cheap but the tickets to the game i think are starting to get a little pricey i just gotta be back um i gotta i what what time is it oh it's 6 p.m okay yeah see it's it's not you know what sunday night not in the cards you know what's that you know what that monday is though charity golf tournament oh jesus christ okay so can't miss that all right brandon any other last pieces on the bash brothers all i gotta say is let's bash wait before you interrupted me i was gonna

preview i was gonna preview for the listeners on the ass i don't know but then i was gonna preview for the listeners that the bash brothers are opening up our next onslaught of movies and our our other ducks are opening up our next onslaught of movies and our our other ducks are opening up our next onslaught of movies we're gonna have my favorites that we've been talking about for forever but it's finally gonna happen a goofy movie newsies good burger like what a fucking trifecta coming down the coming into the mix very soon newsies and goofy movie are for sure those will be the next two newsies i'm not sure which order um at the time good burger on the horizon you can see it off yonder yeah stupid game changers actors movies in between there too but that's neither

here nor there brandon keeps making us do this. We'll probably do the... There's a bunch of... There's a handful of movies that people from Game Changers have put out over the summer. We'll get to those probably after Good Burger. Tackle some of those and then eventually we'll wander our way into D3.

It'll be great. You only gotta do first though. Let's bash. Three run. But if you want to high five, that's a no, no. That's a no-no. Thanks for listening, everyone. Please remember to follow and like us on Instagram at TheCakeEatersPod, on Twitter at TheCakeEaters.

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