The Cake Eaters - 71. Buddy Games: Spring Awakening

Episode Date: November 21, 2023

On today's episode, Heath and Brandon revisit everyone's favorite movie franchise, Buddy Games: Spring Awakening! The boys talk through Heath's utter disdain towards Brandon for making him watch this movie, Josh Duhamel being way too pretty, Brandon reignites his beef with Rich Eisen, all these people being way too old for spring break, dudes being dudes, Heath and his partner's eye gazing, and the sexual dynamics of cults. Follow us at www.thecakeaterspod.com and on Twitter (@thecakeeaters) and Instagram (@thecakeeaterspod) Email us at [e-mail]

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Nailed it, Heath. Dude, you nailed it. You're recording, right? Yeah, you're recording. Yeah, we're hopping right in. That's a start. Nailed it. When the CEO says, let's fucking go you fucking go and and with that intro we bring to you and i'm so i want to apologize to all of our listeners in advance but we are

bringing to you buddy games to the spring awakening or whatever the fuck it's called buddy games spring awakening no it's on paramount plus it's one of the worst movies i've ever seen with one of the worst movie franchises i've ever seen i didn't i didn't think it would be i didn't think it could get worse than the first movie heath this is way worse than the first this i honestly like this one more than the first one like at least this one didn't have all the weird like testicle getting shot by the pellet gun by the wife stuff like he licks a frog pussy heath did how was that not worse how was that not worse i so number one no and there was no good there was no good uh i'll try your box for a week line it didn't have that redeeming quality they didn't have brought that back up though well yeah but

yeah you can't it doesn't doesn't count it was in the first one although i did enjoy the line when he when they're at the you do not get to complain about this movie, Brandon. When they're at the brothel and the lady goes, you got a stomach full of puss. Dude, my favorite was the bigger the fupa, the tastier the chalupa or something like that. That was too much for me. Now, granted, in middle school. Fuck this movie, dude. In middle school, we would have. See, but like I tried thinking about this too. I was like, would I have liked this in middle school this movie dude in middle school we would have we would see but like i tried thinking about this too i was like would i have liked this in middle school i don't know

like don't be a menace while drinking your juice in the hood i love that movie basketball fucking love that movie in middle school like those were those those are so much better than this they they have they they're more those movies as like because that's definitely this that's definitely the vibe this is going for but it misses because there's no like there's no earnestness there's no charm it's just it's just dead it's just like dead lame joke after dead lame joke. It's like, okay, how can we create a movie that every frat house in America is going to play nonstop for the summer? And this is what they came up with.

I don't think any frat... That's definitely what they're going for. They just – they miss because it's just not – Dude, and like I said, you do not – so let's explain to the listeners why we're doing this because I'm so mad at you for making us do this because we're doing this because Josh Duhamel – It's a duck it okay so we're doing this movie because josh dumel was in a a former ducks piece of art but it's gone it's dead disney has put it down it doesn't exist if it doesn't exist on streaming why are we still using characters from this trash version of the ducks that we should all be ashamed exists you are forgetting the most the the number one and the most important rule of the ducks

as a as a as a franchise as a collective as a as a group of of of you know wonderful life you're forgetting the most important part is once a duck always a goddamn duck keith okay if you don't if you forget that josh wasn't a duck he wasn't a duck he was a team dominator whatever the fuck they were like it's just anyway i'm just mad that we had to do this because i hated the first one i hated this one were the ducks at the the on the end game once oh you're right. I forgot. If we're throwing one duck. But it doesn't even exist. Disney is so ashamed of it that they gave it the old yeller treatment and they put it down.

They've erased it. They've tried to erase it from the records. Yeah. We can't let them do that, though, Heath. You can't give them the satisfaction. And if we're throwing once a duck always a duck out the window then we know i'm throwing you out the window oh my god well that actually would make sense he can probably do better but this so there were only two good parts of this movie too the very beginning

when it was introduced with like all the radio personalities and after the movie and after the movie was over when they did the takes like the i didn't watch the outtake that was the only good part that and the intro with my boy my boy your boy crushed it your boy should be fucking ashamed of himself and you know being involved you know involved? You know who should lose any right to anything for the rest of their lives? It's goddamn Rich Eisen. Not only doing Game Changers, but doing this fucking shit. Well, because him and Duhamel. Him and Duhamel are really good friends.

I mean, the fact that you would pick Duhamel as a friend speaks volumes about your character, Rich Eisen. Well, that's why Rosillo did it, too, because Rosillo and Josh Dumel, I don't know if they're friends, but they're acquaintances who hang out sometime because Josh Dumel came on the Rosillo show to promote this piece of trash um this movie somehow got a fucking well so this is actually i i love rassilo and i love his podcast but rassilo and me are the definition of never meet like you're not even he's not even my hero but never me because we would fucking hate each other like he would like i i don't even know if i'd want to hang out with him how much do you think they paid him for his his 20 second clip honestly he is such a bro that he probably did this for like 50 bucks and like like hey hey dumel if you come out with me on my boat then i'll do this like 30 second clip for you because it'll help

promote the pod you know and uh but dude if if rassilo hung out with me he would fucking hate me he would absolutely and i don't even know if i would that's actually it's true like it's i'm an acquired taste like you're not gonna like me right off the bat second or third time boom we're in you know i'm like when some of that charm starts to come through i'm like fine wine you give me six months and we're gonna be best buds dude he i just the only way rossillo and i could hang out is if we just only talked 90s hoops and i would only be able to ask him questions because he would get so he would start throwing these stats and he would ask me a question back. I'm like, what kind of a fucking dork do you think I am?

I'm not going to like, I don't have a real job, man. Like I can't be looking up these stats, but anyways, I love Russillo, but we are not be friends, dude. Like there's, there's nothing about that. Like his lifting his, like just his, how he operates in life like no we're not gonna hang out we're not gonna be buddies you know who you know who would hang out with me and be bunnies is kyle like kyle is much more my speed um pal creighton yeah that was in that little definition of method acting he's like so method acting is when is when you take it really seriously and you bum everyone else out when one guy decides to ruin it for everybody else

uh that was it dude done i love it dude i love him but we would not be friends we should never hang out i would love to just grill him on nba hoops but god he would hate sorry but uh the little radio row thing they did to start it off with fucking rich eisen god damn it rich eisen who's the other guy who's the other guy that they did oh why am i blank it was it was they had ryan it was ryan c chris dan patrick rich ryan racillo and then uh the other dude uh i didn't know but i didn't give a shit about anyone else other than Russillo. But we start off... Okay, so for everybody listening, we did the first... This is the sequel.

We did the original Buddy Games what, two years or three years ago? We did it a while ago. When Game Changers Season 1 first came out, we did it. Because Josh Duhamel wrote and directed that. For this one, he didn't write this i think we did it before season two debuted but uh sequel josh gmail only directed he did not write this just directed

but um so so josh gmail is the main reason that we're doing this this ducks connection because he's the main character he's the director but we also have we mentioned one of them we have two other ducks connections game changer connections um because apparently i mean i feel bad thinking about this now i feel bad a little bit bad mouthing josh jamil with this whole buddy game situation because he has to be somewhat of a likable guy if he if because yeah rich eyes and he's really good friends with rossillo he's pulling in uh dylan faye fair play um so he's got he has to be at least somewhat of a likable person to continue to work with these people cbs made it into a live action tv show. Which we need to do that as well. But yeah.

I shouldn't have brought it up. So we got Rich Eisen, Dylan Fairplay, who plays Coach T, and Josh Duhamel. Those are our duck connections. This is the sequel. We did the first one. Go back and listen to the first one because it was awful and we hated every second of it. Anyways. first one because it uh was awful and we hated every second of it um anyways so hold i got it i got his name wrong too it's dylan i always mix up his name it's dylan play fair not fair play play anyway so larry lampshade the ceo of let's fucking go i did love them just roasting method acting as and like as they're

doing this we realized that dax's character who is a d-list actor dies doing method acting i mean a plus top-notch decision on dax shepherd part to get out of this this shithole of a franchise yes who's he married to? he's married to someone is it Kristen Bell? it's Kristen Bell we've talked about this before I don't care for the dynamic yeah I know you don't like their dynamic but you know she's back there and be like

you gotta get the fuck out of this yeah we're better than this I'm on fucking I'm a Disney goddamn princess you know who is legitimately better than this and that I loved his performance yet again? James Roday. James Roday.

I knew it. I knew we had to talk. Literally, as soon as the funeral hit, I was like, son of a biscuit. I forgot James Roday is in this. I just started rewatching Psych because it's kind of a little. You james roday is in this i just started re-watching psych because it's kind of you know how i feel about spooky things i started watching it at the beginning of october because it felt a little spooky and i just kept riding that wave psych felt spooky to you well it just has murder and they have really good halloween episodes and they do have amazing

halloween did the uh uh tuesday the uh what is tuesday the 17th is that what it's called what they do the like friday the 13th spoof episode they do amazing god the uh uh who's the famous director where they do like with the birds and like all that stuff hitchcock they do a whole hitchcock episode with uh the the the spoof episode they do of twin peaks when they go to so good that might be the greatest episode of television ever made i love that episode and i love tweeds cafe which is i i'm a sucker for twin peaks yeah okay love that show great show yeah so we got james roday uh and he he almost got out of this hey you could tell he was he only he was like i'll do it but i like i got one day so we got to get all the you got to get all my sins so that's why he doesn't

like go with him and he's just hanging out in the back it's like just like i i let's film this all in one day i don't got enough time oh my god we got shelly so they're at the funeral because dax died we've we've got them all sitting together he dies he dies uh the reason they bring up method acting is because he dies uh because he's trying he's he's playing houdini yeah he got cast on the key so he's doing like actual magic tricks and he chokes on a key locks himself in like a straight jacket chokes on the key and dies amazing and then uh and then so yeah the brother is from supernatural did you see that jensen ackles yeah yeah dude i never really got into it but people are like either really into like the people that

are into it show um i didn't realize that i never got into it either um weird he was also in the boys too which i never watched either i need to watch yeah i didn't get into that one either but even though it feels like it would be right up my alley but um then uncle tommy from texas i love if they had a buckle for best brother, his would be the size of Texas. Go Cowboys. Dude, they mentioned his name. He stands up,

takes his hat off and takes a bow at somebody else's funeral for you to stand up and take a bow at somebody else's funeral. That's a bold fucking dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The buckle, the buckle thing's good.

And he's like, he's all shocked. Go Cowboys. And I love that Zane is his character name, how he keeps referring to Uncle Tommy as being gay. Because like, as they go up and they all try to share their memories and Zane's is like, he's the first person I told was gay. You're not alone, Uncle Tommy. I love that dude that was my favorite um the dude from entourage saying that he was the first patient that never sued me was nick nick swardson did fairly well in this role like this

is a nick swardson role to the t oh for sure yeah yeah his greatest role of all time will forever be in grandma's boy yeah like you just you know i just don't care i didn't care for i really don't care for the entourage dude like i don't know his his general vibe him and shelly him and shelly i don't like their vibe that's that's we talked about that in the last one like shelly and doc are not likable characters nick swartzen is only likable because those other characters suck so much but nick swartzen shouldn't be likable in this you know what i mean i don't know that's josh josh email is just he's just he's just too boring for this he's just you know yeah and he doesn't have like the the hangover guys like he doesn't have the believability of like that he would be a hangover

guy like this you know what i mean like i could he like he this is this is him pretending to be a broey bro but i feel like he just is not that guy he's one of those people who for sure um is too good looking for his own good because anytime i see his face i'm like this dude is obviously not funny yeah you know he's too he's too pretty to be funny he's too pretty to be anything but boring as fuck you know like he didn't develop a personality because he was just the most um good looking guy from from birth which i mean i if i could i would switch places i would give up my funniness for for those looks hands down well you you develop a sense of humor by being ugly you know like it's it's uh if you if you don't it's like what the

fuck's going on here um i thought you would like the part though in the funeral when he's like he's out there being an actor instead of working in the family business without chasing his dreams dreams are stupid don't chase your dreams like i say that 10 times a week don't chase your dreams i thought that i thought you would appreciate that brandon that sounds like a like right out of your playbook no i did not i did not care for uh i did not care for most of this i did the whole there then they steal the ashes and that's all right let's just rip through this because this is stupid i did enjoy i did enjoy james roday's uh strategy of just grabbing nuts that's uh that's what i'm doing i'm gouging eyes and punching dicks and throats dude that's what

i'm doing kicking dicks punching throats gouging eyes the punching dicks and throats. That's what I'm doing. Kicking dicks, punching throats, gouging eyes. The best part is he grabs Jensen Ackles' balls, so he'll drop the urn. And then when they're running away, he goes back to cause a diversion. His diversion is he just goes up to Jensen Ackles, and he's like, hey, how are your balls doing? Yeah, I know.

And then he just knocks him out over the thing my god he just is getting his ass kicked they make their getaway in the helicopter because josh dumel flew his fucking helicopter there although i do like uh when doc peed his pants and he's like it's a lot wetter than i thought it was gonna be that whole helicopter scene was ridiculous between we should spread his ashes at chipotle i love that then they called james for a day and he's like what about chipotle and he's like oh no he's more of an in and out dude yeah i would crush some double doubles double doubles dude what are your thoughts on in and out i i'm i'm kind of in the overrated camp but maybe the one in pho Phoenix I went to Just didn't have it

I enjoy it I'm Whataburger over In-N-Out all day All day I like In-N-Out a little bit better than Whataburger Have you gone to any of the ones out here now? No Dude, I can tell you this I'm not fucking waiting in line

In a car for fast food Just go inside The one time i went the drive-thru line was like crazy and i went inside and it was like five people just go inside and then get it to go it's kind of like chick-fil-a man like you're just i'm just not that person i'm just not waiting in line for fast food it's either fast or i'm out. Yeah. Internet's okay. It's definitely overrated, but it's good. Yeah. But, yeah, so they go back to the spring break place to party marties on Harrison Lake. All gas, no breaks, baby.

I'm going to start saying that to you, Brandon, whenever we go out. All gas, no breaks, Brandon. First of all, he says it like it's his goddamn catchphrase, and that's the only time he says it in the entire fucking movie. A, so that's A. B, that's like 15 other people's catchphrases. You can't just fucking take it. And then they go to Harrison Lake, and it's just chaos. There's boobs everywhere.

So this – There's debauchery everywhere. This was fucking nonsense. Can you imagine the amount of STDs that would have been passed to and fro? Well, so I wrote in my notes. So I wrote in my notes. So they're like, hey, let's go to Harrison. They get there and they're landing.

They somehow don't know it's spring break. Well, so they go, hey, they're landing and they go, oh, that's right. It's spring break. And then they proceed to get out of the helicopter and walk past all these people. Every single one of those motherfuckers they walk past is at least 40 years old yeah they're not on spring break and not only are they 40 years old they're all the ugliest people i've ever seen in my fucking life then number one brandon that's you can't shame people like that that's like they as in as a as a fellow ugly person. I can shame other ugly people. I'm just I'm just telling you that they would have been better.

They would have been better off casting. They would have been better off casting me in those extra roles and the people they fucking hired because those people were disgusting. Dude, it's like the swimsuit issue is not what it was when we were in middle school. It's like everyone now. Like, you don't have to be a supermodel to be in the swimsuit issue. Like, that's how they cast this shit. Now it's it's equal everyone now like you don't have to be a supermodel to be in the swimsuit issue like that's how they cast this shit now it's it's equal opportunity for you can't have to be you don't have to be super fit and good looking to make it in hollywood you just have to have a family member in the industry well i'm not talking about like them being i don't care

i'm talking about the extras dude they just that's how they cast now as well i'm trying to say like they don't need i didn't care i didn't care that they were that they were that they uh the extras were thick that they had a little extra cushion for the pushing they were just ugly and disgusting people regardless of the way like this this the the skinnier ones the skinnier ones were even worse i'm not saying it's weight it's they just that's how they cast like they don't cast like like it's no longer what it used to be when we were growing up and it's like either you're a supermodel you're not fucking on the tv the ugliness is neither here nor there

the disgustingness is neither here nor there you can't you can't tell me it's spring break and then walk me through 40 year olds though that doesn't fucking fly okay that was some fucking bullshit is that and then so not only the people they walk by but then they get to party marty's and again everybody there is fucking 50 years old yeah there's there's one line so skip ahead a little bit there's one line skip ahead a lot of it there's one line where they're they're playing the buddy games right okay well they find out oh well i'm just gonna to break through this so we get to what they're talking about yeah they they go to party marty's he stole their buddy games were invented and he stole their idea because that's not where they invented it

they had they had it they invented it at that lake house oh but they talked about it and he stole their idea because doc stole his nipple ring from his watch he got his nipple ring caught on his watch and he tore it off you know what they call that he's tit for tat that was that was too much too that was a fucking that was a grade a fucking joke he's come i know i just i i the whole tit for tat he's tit for tat get it oh i get it it's just that the whole i just i'm still mad even for making us do this but yeah so yeah, so they try to put their tab under Dixie Normus. Like, God, I hated

everything about this movie. It's so bad. That and then the Bikini Bottom drink was... The Bikini Bottom drink was too much. It was... That's the problem with this movie is they're going for like they just

they take the gross too far yeah it's just one step too far every single fucking time um nothing is likeable about this although i do the one part that i did like is when they're going back and forth because coach t's like hey we need another team what about these old dudes and he's like no one wants to see these old dudes do it. And he's like, no one wants to see your old dick. He's like, say that to my 600 TikTok followers, dipshit. That was my favorite line in the whole. Party Marty was pretty good.

Party Marty was, he was insane. But so, yeah, so they're playing, they joined the buddy games to defend their honor. And they're playing these four other teams right they're playing the brother fuckers they're playing bitchcraft yeah that was my favorite name trend z and it was just those four right

yeah and it was bad it was the oldies trend z bitchcraft and bad brother fuckers yeah okay and so they're playing the game I wrote down It was the oldies, Trend Z, Bitchcraft, and Bad Brother Fuckers. Yeah, okay. And so they're playing the game. I wrote down in my notes when they showed him getting his

nipple ripped off. I was like, we're always cutting off and tearing off body parts in these movies. Again, everybody on trend z uh at least 40 years old they're not they're not in gen z um and there's no way these dudes would have gone in and oh my god they get second and chugging the fish they use his ashes for war paint that's that was one of the things i wrote using Using your dead friend's ashes as eye black is fucking – that's pretty fucking tough.

That was too much. But I wrote down all the games that they played because they're all fucking stupid. Chugging the fishbowl. First one is the fishbowl. Then there was beer pong. Just a normal game, normal beer pong. Bitchcraft won fishbowl. Then there's a big water obstacle course that looked pretty tight.

Yeah. The next game was just chugging from a can. They weren't even shotgunning it. They were just chugging from a can. Is it barfing? Distance vomit. Beach volleyball, flip cup, beach football, blow blow up doll paddle boat yeah and then the high noon uh which was the like duel at the end oh my god and so i wrote so this is breaking the

nose and then breaking the nose before you get to so fucking dumb we this is what i wanted to get to uh going back to people being 80 years old um it's it's shelly and one of the ladies from bitchcraft they're the ones doing high noon um and shelly is like trying to put the flirts on her and she goes dude you remind me of my grandpa uh which made no sense to me because again she's 40 years old she's she old as fuck herself. I even looked it up. The actress is legitimately 40 years old. Nice. Nice.

It's like you're two years younger than Shelly and he reminds you of your grandpa. I could not get over the fact that they said it was spring break and they had nothing but 40-year-olds in this movie. It was unbelievable. That's a weird thing to get stuck on when there's just an endless amount of if you theme something as a spring break they have it's at least they they cannot be older than college age you can't like there's no nobody else goes on spring break yeah it's uh i don't know and so anyways, after she... I take it back. The actress is 38 years old. She's not 40.

She's 38. Okay, so that's why she didn't look like he... Anyways, who cares? So they just lose the buddy games. And so they're talking to the bartender. And they're talking about this... we get we get a picture with this waitress who dax was in love with they were completely in love and she lives in a small town outside called backwater um which and so they're gonna go their idea is to go look for them

we don't want to skip over the part with james roday when he has his bar hair his his haircut person make him look exactly like like he he he like gets a whole new look to look exactly like his new boyfriend that was like that was amazing that was pretty good um but yeah so so they they they remember that dax and this the waitress were uh were absolutely in love together with each other they always talked about each other so they're yeah their their plan is to go find her um because they think she would like to spread the ashes with him so yeah which is a yeah that's that's a nice thing to do yeah yeah so yeah and then but then they realize they don't have a place to stay Which is a nice thing to do. Yeah. So yeah. But then they realize they don't have a place to stay.

Yes. But when they realize that, the weird lady in the background. You know why they can't book anything. Because it's spring break. With all these 40-year-olds. Yeah. And so we get the weird cult lady that recruits them.

I like it. Nick Swartzen's like, hey hey did you lose your spaceship when she's talking to him well she i mean she is the way she's phrasing any and everything is is off the rails confusing did you like how her minions name was beta see it's stuff like that it's like it's too it's too no nobody talks like that no nobody actually talks like that and so you lose all credibility of your your social commentary yeah they took it too far and i'm surprised they took like it was literally a movie for bros who are sick of all the woke shit from here on out this moment in the movie to the end

it's nothing but anti-woke shit and it's like and i'm surprised they went there like i thought that that was like the youths were like oh man maybe they were just trying to like again they didn't it's nothing but four-year-olds just 40 year olds this movie is not for the young crowd this is for this is for your grandpa you know sitting at home fucking waiting for somebody to agree with them about you know fucking betas and shit i don't know i just i don't know and it was all it was all very weird but that i will say that party that the cult threw i might join a cult if that's the kind of party. That's all I'm saying.

It would take so much less for you to join a cult than that party. I was just going to say that, actually. I was like, that party, I'm all the way in. You don't even have to recruit. If I walk up to that party and you're just like hey man just here's a here's a case just take whatever sticks to your fingers done i mean i'm in i'm all the way i did like also the breakfast buffet the next morning well that's that's reason number two to stick around for forever if that's the if that is the daily morning spread with karen as you know i don't know if that would be i don't know if that would

be the daily spread i think that was this because the whole plan of that day was to convert um what's a bob father and broken man yeah um so i think that was a special breakfast display but i did swollen tick broken man and bob father was it swollen tick or swollen dick swollen tick okay okay um yeah i did one thing i did like though is when they're walking because she's like uh she's like just coming into the forest and find the party um and so they're walking through the forest and they're they come across the party and they're like i wonder what are the chances that there's another party in this in this woods uh and then they went too far with the toad raw like i know there's the toads that you can get high off but i hated that the little the little put the like the frog vagina close-up was too much again too

much too far then just have them just have them lick it twice you don't need to shoot you don't need to show the vagina the tripping on mushrooms and then doing the eye gazing that was really funny to me because that's like that's like if kelly hadn't dated me she would have been like some weirdo like that i'm like let's get his into each other so we have to she makes me do eye gazing with her sometimes if we're if she doesn't feel like we're not connected because we've been watching too much tv that's a real thing that i have to do in my life see this movie was made for you this is this is this is the story of your life we just got to get you to join a cult that's like we said listen they had all the right they had all the right pieces

they even had uh they had uh chow your box girl too oh my god head so that was that was so like head wound yeah it didn't make it was so dumb and like that could have been funny to just like have her and nick swartz and be like wait a second aren't you like but instead she was like head wound and that just i don't know that didn't make any sense but anyways they're just trying to convert old macho men into being woke and then oh my god the i the other piece of the cult that i liked was the matching jammies like i'm all in on that like if you've got really comfortable like matching jammies or like cult gear you know how i like merchandise stores like a cult merchandise store i'm all the way in with that too um but yeah it's just uh i don't know and then doc and shelly waking up in the weird brothel what the fuck was that that's what happens when the

fupa is what is it the chalupa something or other uh the bigger the fupa the the tastier the chalupa right yeah the bigger the fupa the sweeter the chalupa or something like that i love the thing that cracked here it is the bigger the fupa and the sweeter the chalupa or something like that. I love the thing that cracks. Here it is. The bigger the fupa and the sweeter the chalupa. That's the exact quote. And then she hands him a breakfast plate and she's like, I don't know if you're going to be hungry. Stomach full of puss. Oh, dude.

And then having the weird old lady that was having sex upstairs and then come have diarrhea in front of them with the door open it's too much it's too much like what's too much what is wrong like who sits down is like you know what would be hilarious is a fat old hooker having diarrhea with the door open and that is fun like no one like no wonder there's a writer's strike like if this is what you're writing i don't fucking need you dude i will just go back and re-watch all the shit from the 80s and 90s because i don't need this i don't i don't need this i don't want it i hate it brain and i'm mad at you for making us do this so anyways they get drunk they're trying to we could not do this we did the first one but obviously we're gonna do the second one

and the fucking chicken that like he's in the bed with the chicken and then the chicken follows him and then they and then they make you think that they're eating the chicken but they're actually eating rotten skunk so shelly is having uncontrollable diarrhea because he ate bad skunk we do people think that's funny do you think someone was like oh my god we talked about this off air i believe uh because i've watching this movie it felt like it it felt like it went on for like five or six hours like it felt so fucking long it had no business it's only an hour and a half uh like you mentioned it's only an hour and a half like you mentioned it's only an hour and a half it has it has no business being that long there's so much so much shit we could

cut out and streamline like we don't need the whole chicken nonsense it adds nothing to the story it wasn't funny this is zero plot yeah like them eating a skunk wasn't funny and them eating the anal glands or whatever wasn't funny and then him having diarrhea from eating a skunk wasn't funny and them eating the anal glands or whatever wasn't funny and then him having diarrhea from eating a skunk wasn't funny none of it was funny it was just way too long

we could easily cut this down yeah but long story short they get reunited you know what the best part of this though they're for sure going to make a third one oh my god so yeah you know the best part of this though he's what's that uh they're for sure gonna make a third one oh my god all right so yeah then they end up they find that celia girl's house and and you know but i guess they when they escape the colt he acts she was gonna have them play russian roulette

and he drops the gun and he shoots her toe off and then the dog eats her toe and that's how they put they put them in um so they wake up to the breakfast they realize the breakfast and the the drinks and the smoothies are all drugged and shit and so they're like oh fuck um and then yeah she puts them in like uh um like an escape room weird fucking like saw like game she's like we got to play a game um i did another stupid fucking thing um is when um they're like getting ready to throw them in the escape room and nick swartzen like freaks out and he's like i will suck everybody's dick and i will eat everybody's pussy if you just let me go home right now so you don't even have to let you don't even have to shower i'll do it i'll do it right now all right i just so fucking stupid dude uh but yeah

then they they put them in the escape room and this is when they yeah they start doing the weird like anti-woke stuff games it's not yeah they're they're trying to cleanse their souls no more bros yeah he says he says uh retarded and they like he's like shot like buzzers him like a like a wrong buzzer it's like so fucking stupid nobody nobody talks like that um or like the the couple scenes at the party where the dudes like where uh uh joshu mel's like oh man these summer stars are real nice and the dude's like your uh northern hemisphere language is uh not very inclusive nobody fucking talks like that like nobody find me one person who talks like that if anybody were to talk like that it would be kelly and kelly doesn't talk like that i i'll i'll see if i can find some stuff on instagram of

people being the worst and talking about it. You can't trust Instagram. Those are not real people. That's an algorithm. I'm going to Google people being offended by everyday language and see what pops up. You can't trust Instagram, though. Can I trust Google? What if I Google people being offended by everyday language i trust google i don't know what if i google people being offended by

everyday language maybe i don't know all that shit is performative art to rile people up though of all people that should know this it's you heat it's all performative art i'm just trying to be a stickler i hated this movie i thought it was dumb and this is like i didn't think and like i was just surprised they went there with the like oh bros first woke second i was surprised they went there and i just like i and like everyone else feel like it went too far you know it's just like okay let's let's pump the brakes maybe we're going a little too far but like i don't i don't know maybe i just i don't know maybe i just don't get movies like this anymore you know like basketball hilarious this like we said they go they go they always go

one to one step too far with the grossness and then maybe that's it i don't like gross stuff like if it's gross it's but then with everything else it's just every other joke it's it's it's clearly written by somebody uh or or other people that don't converse with you know a lot of different uh diverse people from different backgrounds yeah it's yeah it's it's get out of the gym it's written by a fox news anchor essentially it's like okay you got this i think that's josh dum written by a Fox News anchor, essentially. It's like, okay, you got this. I think that's Josh Duhamel is a Fox News anchor. There's a girl that wrote this, by the way. Anyways.

I guarantee you Josh Duhamel voted for Trump both times. Okay. I mean, I don't care about any of this. I just hated that we had to watch this movie. It was a terrible movie. The only good parts, like I said, was the beginning when my boy Rosillo was in it and they were making fun of method acting. And at the very end,

when they did the outtakes. Because they were just like, wow, we have to say the dumbest stuff in this movie. I didn't watch the... Oh, so we got... There's James Rode going, okay, bye! James Rode, all of his stuff is great. But there's a james orday going okay bye james orday's all of his stuff is great um yeah but there's a couple um uh uh things i want to talk about when they get to uh celia's house so uh besides shelly having uncontrollable diarrhea from the skunk that they ate yes but so

so shelly and doc get there right they're they're clearly at the house for a long time or at least at least so i'm gonna say at least like 30 minutes before i was gonna say an hour yeah before uh nick squirtson and joshu mel get there and i love the fact that they show up and they don't because when joshu mel and um nick swartz would show up they have to break the news to her that dax died so that means you were they were shelly and doc were sitting there with her for fucking god knows how long not just well they were like shelly wasn't sitting with her imagine that brandon imagine a stranger, welcoming a stranger into your home, and then they just spend the entire time having uncontrollable diarrhea in your home,

while Doc, the worst of the worst, is the one entertaining you. He doesn't tell you your friend died for God knows how long. He's like, you know what? That's a job for Josh. That's a job for the bob father he'll tell you he'll fill you in why would you wait to tell her that derpy's dead yeah why would you strung her along all the way until bob gets there and then we find out that dax had a kid the whole time and then they fucking drop the ashes and the helicopter

scatters the ashes it was you know what that's that's what jeffrey would have wanted yeah i don't know it's the song at the very end when they were doing the montage at the end was wild i almost uh almost looked that up i don't know i don't know what it was called but the song that the girl was singing at the very end of the movie was a bad like during the credits or what are you talking about like right before they started doing the right before they started doing the outtakes at the end oh i didn't i once once they dropped the urn i checked out i was like i'm done that's that's enough um i still can't believe they didn't they had shocked me that they would

just wait till bob gets there to tell their friend her friend that what i can't believe that they made this movie like i can't they are absolutely gonna make a third one i can't believe they made it it has four and it has four and a half stars out of 10 on imdb rotten tomatoes audience score 75 you all are fucking morons if you're giving that a 75 well i saw a 10 out of 10 uh review for it the feature review is like there's always there's always one shot give it a shot there's always uh there's always one but the fact that there's enough great votes to get it even a 75 is insane here we go there's a lot of there's a lot of twos and threes here

here's here's a i want my an hour and 35 minutes of my life back um an absolute mess one out of 10 uh 10 out of 10 fun movie yeah 10 out of 10 an absolute knee slapper interesting I don't know here you go Heath ready kick back crack a cold one and watch the talented cast treat each other as really good

buddies that's what this guy says this is why I wasn't in a frat in college Brandon like that whole that concept of like this is just a couple bros hanging out like kick back watch some bros

dudes being dudes man but that's what this movie is just dudes being dudes heath i don't know man you wouldn't you wouldn't get it heath you know why because they don't let dudes be dudes anymore yeah and but like this is this is exactly why you know i mentioned at the beginning you know ryan rossillo and i probably wouldn't hang out after work because he would hit the gym and I would hit the ball. I don't know. Anyways, I'll give you my cakey.

Are we ready for cakey ratings? Yeah, let's wrap this up. This was not good. The worst movie we've ever done. Everyone's mad at you. We probably lost our 10 loyal listeners all the way fucking out. This is going to be their favorite episode, honestly, just because it's just us screaming at each other the whole time.

Oh, my God. Whatever. So I give it a half a cake. That's my rating. Half a cake. That's what I gave it to you was 0.5. Yeah, half a cake. It doesn't get a full cake

I almost gave it a full cake Because Rosillo is in it He just gives it the half If you remember back You gave the first one negative 5 cakes Yeah and I liked This one more than the first one I hated this one

I loved the quick stuff I gave the first one a one, mainly because I'll chow your box for a week. It was a great fucking line. Great line. But this one gets.5 because it somehow had even less charm than the first one did. I don't know how they did it, but they zapped it all away.

And, again, all of these people are 40 years old on spring break yeah i don't know i hated it i the only i thought the cult was fun mostly because i was just like how do i get in like how like like i don't know what those dudes were thinking like obviously everything felt really paid for you know had some food there josh gmail's character is rich you know no i'm talking about the cult like the rich lady that like sold the app and made all that money like dude i i don't know they made it out to seem like it was bad but that cult like i could listen to that girl talk like that as long as she's paying my room and board get free food free room free clothes i don't know it doesn't seem that bad

wild fun parties you know yeah i mean i don't know i mean it would get old after a while as long as i could cut out after six months i think it'd be cool that's that's that's the problem yeah that's not that's right let's run into my issues yeah i'd love to join a cult but i can only do it for like six months and then i'd want to do the next cult you know what i mean i'd get bored i'd be like my question was though so they're doing they're you know they're they're all hanging out together um anti-woke uh huge posse right they're all doing drugs and stuff are they do you think they're fucking are they fucking i have a bad feeling it's like an asexual cult

oh yeah i mean you know it's a it's like creed in the office you know when they talk about woodstock and creed's like you know man woman could have slipped in there who would have known well it's for sure it's for sure either having a lot of fun in the mud it's for sure either everybody fucking everybody or nobody's fucking anybody it's one of the two it's not like uh you know it's it's it's it's on one end of the spectrum. There's no middle ground. I think it's just, you know, everyone is just going to do the things that will treat their body, you know, whatever. They're just going to listen to their hearts and their bodies

and whatever that moment in time, you know, they feel. That's what they're going to do. I just have a bad feeling. It's like uh like an asexual no fucking cold i got that so it wouldn't like it like it looks fun oh that's my worst nightmare it's like it has all the bells and whistles of being fun and then you get there it's one of those things where like you don't you don't we don't need to fuck anybody because we get all of our uh sexual gratification from the sick ass breakfast spread

you know one of those kind of things can which i love this can i get the sick ass breakfast spread and the mushrooms and and like you know then we'll revisit the sex stuff later but can we stick with like the mushrooms and i love breakfast food as much as the next person but i'd still rather fuck well yeah but like you know if we're just gonna if you're doing that many drugs you know eventually that's fair you're gonna lose that desire anyways that's fair yeah yeah see see that's why i think it's like uh i got a bad feeling that it's like a weird asexual there were instead of fucking they just do all the drugs that don't let you fuck and then call it a day. You know, there's too busy rubbing grass to rub someone else.

Or like instead, instead of fucking, they just, I gaze the whole time. That's all they do. Cause they were doing the eye gazing. The two ladies were like, Hey doc,

let's consummate this. And then they never consummated it. He ended up at a fucking brothel yeah so i don't yeah they didn't fuck well it's basically like doing that when you're soul gazing brandon that's that's the intimacy of the soul somebody who's who's done soul gazing he is it is it the same it was did you release well number one we i wasn't on you know an ounce of mushrooms like those guys were so maybe like i was just a sober person looking at another sober person so there wasn't like all that it's you know we'd have to go so you didn't release is what you're saying

why are we still talking i just god damn it brandon cut that vast part i don't know like this is all this i remember like yesterday i had to like prepare to like not yesterday but when i watched this movie i had to like prepare for it i was like okay i'm gonna have a cocktail i'm gonna get my mind right like i'm gonna be like because because of your um snafu, I watched this movie last week. So then last night I had to like throw it on again just to jog the memory a little bit. I'd watch this fucking thing twice. Good. Yes.

Fantastic. That's the way we can end the podcast is that you did this to yourself. I mean, we were never not going to do this. It's a Dux thing. We got to do do it you know and when when is ashamed of game changers like it's it's still done i'm not disney though he i'm not disney and i would hope you're not disney i literally was like we don't even have to do that stupid new ninja Turtles movie anymore because that kid isn't even on the, like, he's not a duck anymore. He's out.

He doesn't exist as a duck. We still do need to do it, though, Heath. Fine. I watched it for 30 seconds and I was like, I'm going to watch something else. Once a duck, always a duck, Heath. So if you want to listen to me yell about how offended I am about the new Ninja Turtles, then we'll do that because it's offensive. I watched 30 seconds and I was like, oh.

You act like people don't want to hear that they obviously want to hear that oh is that it is it people i always assume that people like people being nice you know like when when you want to listen to someone talk nice about a movie the only comments we get on any of our stuff are is when i'm complaining or you're complaining nobody ever comments on anything else the the algorithm says people like confrontation and controversy he's okay i don't know that one guy really liked my idea about waking up to the dream and your life being a musical he signed off on it i did did see that. He said, what did he say? Approved or something like that? Yeah, I signed off on this or something.

It's a good fucking idea. That's why. Anyways, do you have anything else to say about this trash movie? Shout out, Russillo. Let's not hang out sometime. All I gotta say is just keep your eyes peeled for Buddy Games 3.

No. Josh, no. Josh, don't do it. What do you think it'd be called? Buddy Games? Retirement Home? Winter is Coming? And then it's like Winter Games? Winter X Games?

Oh, I was going to say Winter is Coming, but it's like... Yeah, well, obviously. Yeah, yeah. Because that way they would be able to use it because it's like a parody. It's not a – they'd get around the legal. So yeah, obviously it's Winter is Coming. Oh, boy. All right.

I might – honestly, I might write that and pitch it to Josh Emanuel and just – Movies like this – This is how it starts. Movies like this are where it's like it makes sense that there was a writer's strike because you know what i'm not i'm not gonna pay for this shit anymore like this is i'm about to cut all the cords i'm just gonna read books brandon that's it that's it that's all i'm gonna do i'm gonna turn into a book reader i'm gonna write buddy games 3 when she was coming and and you know this is one of those things where it's what's the Batman quote you

either die a hero you live long enough to live long enough I'm going to become buddy games is what's going to happen all right all right so Josh email keep keeping on your email inbox I'll send it to you I'll share the Google Drive with you

all right you want to you want I'll share the Google Drive with you. Alright. You want to hop on this? Get a little co-writer credit? You out. You out? Slide into the DMs, Brandon. Well, I was talking to you specifically, Heath. I don't want anything to do with this.

I don't want my name anywhere near anything Buddy Games. The fact that we've had to talk about these movies and never had to watch them is insane imagine if that's my big break into Hollywood is Buddy Games 3 Winter's Coming if Buddy Games 3 Winter's Coming is your big break I don't want to be a part of it

that's the final straw that's when I cancel everything's canceled HBO Max is canceled Paramount it's hard for me to cancel Peacock because I just love wrestling. I love old 90s wrestling. I just love it. Especially like really bad WCW early 90s wrestling.

It's so bad that I love it. He threw him over the top rope. He's disqualified. It's all over. Who was that? Everyone. He's disqualified. It's all over. Who was that? Everyone. That was a rule. You couldn't throw him over the top rope.

No, who was that voice? Who were you impersonating? Oh, it was a mixture of no one. It was just a... Okay, let's end this. Small timey wrestling announcer. thanks for listening everyone please remember to follow and like us on instagram at the cake eaters pod on twitter at the cake eaters also reach out to us via email the cake eaters pod at gmail.com or visit our website, thecakeeaterspod.com.