The Cake Eaters - 76. MVP: Most Valuable Primate

Episode Date: January 30, 2024

On today's episode, Heath and Brandon get back out on the ice with MVP: Most Valuable Primate. The boys talk through where Jack would fit in on the Ducks, who the true speedster is between Jack and Luis, Brandon's love of smelling salts, the logistics of Jack's train ride, and then they spend a lot of time trying to find where Scott Whyte is in this movie. Follow us at www.thecakeaterspod.com and on Twitter (@thecakeeaters) and Instagram (@thecakeeaterspod) Email us at [e-mail]

What does possible sound like for your business? It's having to spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with Business Platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and conditions apply. Visit amex.ca slash business platinum. It's not worth winning if you can't win. Come one, come all. It's the game of the century, theimpionship you heard that right the chimp Ian chip it's no monkey business here Brandon I'm freaking bananas for it

MVP most valuable primate in the game there was a surprisingly surprising lack of bananas like they had a couple of them um but i was waiting for more you know i was waiting for more banana shenanigans to to appear um definitely thought there was going to be on ice banana shenanigans you know like two two minutes for peeling you know this so i don't know if you paid attention to what level of hockey this is heath um junior b up in canada yep the canadian junior b level. This monkey's on a junior B hockey team. We're like since Mighty Ducks podcast, everybody that I'm Brandon, that's Heath for the Cake Eaters podcast. Where would you rank Jack as far as like if he if he was on the Ducks? Is he is he is he first line talent well first first thing i'm doing like number one is i'm having a skate off between him and louise

who's who's who is the the fastest duck that's what i got to do first because they made it seem like jack was flying you know yeah jumping jack flash man like he is just flying down that ice and so that's number one that's what i'm that's what i'm doing number one um i think that i'd probably put banks ahead of him um but like you probably put banks i definitely put banks ahead of him sorry i definitely put banks ahead of him. Sorry. I definitely put Banks ahead of him. But the way that they portrayed, you know, Jack. He's got a Fulton Reed slap shot. That's what I was just going to say. You've got Luis Mendoza's speed with the ability to stop.

You've got Fulton's slap shot. And, you know, it kind of seems like you've got Jesse's passing. And I don't know if Jesse was a good passer, but I'm saying Jesse was a good passer. So you got you got like, think about think about that, Brandon. Just just put that into your mind. You mix Louise Fulton and Jesse. Jack might be the most unstoppable duck that we've ever seen in our lives. I have a really hard time, even harder than with Luis, believing that Jack was fast at all. The the the like the close ups of him skating.

My God, it's like he's like watch the movie. He was like he's like hobbling back and forth. There's no way he's actually that fast. There's no way he is. There's no way he's actually that fast there's no way he is there's no way he's fast at all i i don't even know what to do with you right now brandon because like the fact that you are starting off this most valuable primate podcast doubting jack he's the most valuable primate i mean obviously he's fast on the ice we haven't even gotten into my incredible uneasiness with on the ice we haven't even gotten into my incredible uneasiness with monkeys in general we'll have to dive into that here pretty soon so

can i can i just tell you this like i'm just gonna say it because the amount of times during this movie i thought about like you know that ate that lady's face i thought about that a lot oh my god yes yes it is every time that monkey was alone with a human i was like you know oh when he was laying in bed with the deaf girl oh my god i was like dude there's no chance that he's not just tearing the flesh from her bones like this that's that's all i could think about the whole movie i was like you know that's a that's a wild animal like it's it's probably gonna eat someone's face like that's or monkeys make me very uneasy i'm not a fan not a fan and then the second thought and and maybe it was just because i had just taken the dogs out but you know started thinking about are we are

we in a diaper are we potty are we toilet trained like i think we're toilet trained he worked because he i mean he was he's shower trained he knew how to brush his teeth he knew how to shower he mentions the sense yeah the maintenance guy he's like best friend janitor um when he's packing his bags he's uh the dude was real weird though right can we agree on that yeah that guy that guy gave me so like so many serial killer vibes i didn't know what to do with him i was like wow if if the monkey doesn't eat someone's face the the dude's buddy does for sure or they share or they share faces it was it was yeah um but he packed uh he packed just underwear a lot of underwear for him no mention of oh that's true yeah dang it yeah

you're right you're right you had the had the old uh fruit of the loons so not not to jump too far ahead here but once you always say that and then literally jump to the end of the movie like i don't know if you've ever listened to our podcast before, but that is a trend. I mean, there's really no need for us to go beat by beat every single time. We can skip. We can jump back and forth. This movie, 1,000%, I took just painstaking notes with the thought that I was not going to follow them at all. I do not want to go blow for blow.

We can use this as a test run where we're just jumping around we don't have to follow beat for beat here but one scene one scene i want to talk about is when he puts him when the maintenance guy puts him on the train and oh my god so my god my first question is why not just go with him it's it's why don't go with him and come back wait at the end of the movie brandon when that motherfucker was at the at the place waiting for it's like just go with him just go like were were you were you were you covering for him like was that what you say i think he i think he was planning on staying at the at the university but he got fired oh my god i don't i don't know but i was like i

saw him there at the end i was like well you sick son of a bitch why you he's he's hiding in a bag so he can't see where it is he has no concept of time right like does he have yeah yeah he fell asleep uh jack fell asleep that's why he missed the stop but my question is in a perfect world where world where he doesn't fall asleep and he realizes the right stop is when he needs to get off, how is he – is he just – is he popping out of the bag and jumping off the train? What's the plan to get him off the train? I don't know, Brandon. I don't know and and the reason he got off the train at uh when he did at the very end of the line and nobody noticed is because everybody was off the train but if he stopped if he got off where he should have the train would have been full of fucking people

just watch a monkey hop off the suitcase rack and then walk out i have an explanation for this brandon i would love to i would love to hear so, and I wanted to try and be nice because I know you have love for it, but this is ground zero for why Air Bud should not have been making movies on its own. This is just, this is the result of Air Bud entertainment. Like, this is the most air bud fucking movie i've ever seen in my life does it make any sense the way you originally phrased that is you you made it seem like the actual dog was making these movies he's not he are you sure are you sure i'm pretty sure the air bud made this movie the the real buddy died after the first movie, so he deserves no blame.

He's a goddamn angel. Whoever said, you know what? These crazy movies about dog playing basketball that make no sense. Let's just really branch out to a monkey and hockey. I love how they did the Air Bud movies because this came out in 2000. The first Air Bud came out in like 96, I want to say, 96, 97. So they did the football one, Air Bud Golden Receiver. That was like 97, 98.

They've done at least three Air Bud movies before this, right? Right. So they go through three Air Bud movies and then they're like, you know what? Let's double down With a fucking monkey That's what this company needs Yeah well then I can't imagine this was a Roaring success I didn't look at the budget numbers

Let me try to see if I can find them right now But uh Okay here we go I didn't let you finish your Train scene either but like that was the dumbest Thing I've ever seen like the fact that that was my main that was we got to those were my main two points is one go with him don't fucking leave him on the train and then and then two what was the what was the end plan on how to get him off the fucking train without everybody being like there's

a fucking monkey um everyone's gonna flip out he's gonna get caught right away but I got the box office numbers here so the estimated budget is is four and a half million dollars okay the total gross worldwide was 1.2 million dollars so we lost a lot of money here we lost three million dollars but so then after this they made at least three sequels. They made MVP 2, Most Vertical Primate. That's where he skateboards. Oh, my God. Then we have MXP, Most Extreme Primate.

That's where he snowboards. Oh, my God. And then there's also a third one I saw from Air Bud entertainment called spy mate where i'm guessing he's a spy who who gave these people money this is insane to me brandon i don't know what to make of airbud industries and it's just who's out here doubling down on um on mvp okay i i do i do have to say that i don't know if you saw the featured review on imdb but it is the first one oh my god it is just stone calls it gold he calls it a microcosm of society. Oh my God. It's just, it's. Which I mean, honestly, honestly, I don't know if he's wrong about that.

It's, it's the, the anyways. Okay. So MVP, Jack. okay so it okay so mvp jack wait i did the the first part of the movie where so they go through his morning routine right like he's part of the professor that is um trying to prove that he is like hyper intelligent and so he's answering the questions wrong on purpose but the way the professor dies where he has a heart attack and slowly spills his glass of night milk oh yeah i knew as soon as that milk propaganda as soon as that professor showed up i was like this motherfucker's dying oh my well he showed up sweaty too sweaty then they did the close-up the close-up on the shaking hand. Oh, my God. Yeah. And then as soon as he –

You're sweating, heavy breathing. Like, it's like a spot. As soon as – as the minute – I should say the very second he got on that phone and was like, I'll let you know tomorrow. I was like, oh, he's done tonight. He's done. There is no tomorrow for you, my friend, especially because he was going to do the right thing and send him back to his family. It's like the cop one day before retirement he's not yeah yeah oh my god i'm too old for this shit did you know that danny glover was not that old

when he was saying that it's rough um and wait is nelson canada a real place did you look into that by the way this because the movie the movie takes place in nelson canada that's where the the monkey somehow gets shipped from la to nelson canada direct well it's just end of the line it's not on there it's he went on like an amtrak they have those where they just go up the coast um so oh so is it is it just like a straight shot up from vancouver i don't know because that's where i don't know that's where they played the championship game so i assumed it was like it's in british columbia um which is that threw me off when they just that's it but like dude canada and not nelson british columbia canada i was like that's a weird way to weird way to do that not to go back to the train

right but you know he's going from like what la to fucking canada that's a it's like a two-day train ride right like there's yeah yeah it's overnight yeah yeah that's i don't i don't know and so once again nelson's not on the coast of Nelson's good, a good ways inland. So, my God, the thought of like, anyways, it doesn't matter. And somehow the fucking monkey makes it on a three day train ride up to Canada without realizing he shouldn't have been off like two days before. And I don't know. This is what happens when you send a monkey on a train with directions.

He fell asleep. He fell asleep for a day. That's fine. Whatever. It doesn't matter. Do you have any critiques with the team names, though, for the hockey team that he goes on? The Nelson Golden Nuggets? Yeah. Great fucking name. I also have all the other... I got the other team names here if you're ready for them.

I don't have locations for most of them except for the Kitimat Tigers, which is the first team they play. And I believe... That's their rival, right? The Tigers? Yeah, it's the first team they play and then the last team...

Or the second to last team because they play them to go to the championship. But we also have the B the buccaneers we have we don't play the snakes but they're you know when they're doing the like uh the meeting yeah uh with the other teams to figure out should we let a fucking monkey play one of the people is that advertising cheddar one of the people is wearing um like a coach jacket that says snakes on it so i assume that's another team uh then we also have the vikings and then um the championship game against the polar bears so not not bad names you know yeah the polar bears were a though right the junior a Polar Bears were A, though, right? The Junior A team? I don't think so. No, that's what they said.

Got it in my notes. Junior A versus Junior B. It's a big winner game. I have a couple things from the beginning part that I have to talk to you about too uh number one how did you feel about the coach just being all about the smelling salts as the team was killing each other in practice i have in my notes i fucking love smelling salts i just put smelling salts lots of smelling salts in that first practice that's that's like ice and ibuprofen i feel like did you you know what i've i've i've gotten i've gotten hooked on recently and i know it's terrible for it's gonna

just destroy my sinuses even more than they're already destroyed but they do like uh they have those um i have one actually right here right here but they have like these little um oh little vapor sticks which is like a it's like's like a mini smelling salt, dude. It's fucking amazing. You just pop it. Oh, dude. I don't like them. Like when I'm sick, that's how I could.

That's how I gauged when I had COVID. I was like, oh boy. I had it like inside my nose and I couldn't smell it. So I was like, ooh. I think I have COVID. I'm popping these boys on the daily, on the rig. That's like. That's yeah. That's definitely not good for your sinuses but they definitely help when you're sick i mean i never had good sinuses to begin with you know i figure it's one of those things where if i make it

so bad maybe it'll like you know it'll be fine you know, it'll be fine. You know? Yeah. That makes sense. That makes, that makes perfect sense to me. Okay. But I had to ask you about the smelling salts. Cause I thought of you right away, Brandon. I saw, I was like, wow, this guy is a man of Brandon's heart. I've got a lot of things actually that I want to talk about, but let me just kind of start ripping into them. Number two, you're my boy blue for all of our old school fans out there we got a shout out that the townie homer number one fan is our boy blue who would have thought was not

expecting that were you did you know that no have you seen this movie before we watched it for this this is my first watching this was my first watch through as well. I never actually watched the movie. I've known of its existence since it came out, but I never actually watched it. It was one of those things where I, you know, walking through Blockbuster as a kid, I saw it, but I never pulled the trigger. So the Krolls must have rented it because when I said, oh. Oh, this is a a cruel movie for sure this is oh my god when i was like oh i gotta watch this this crazy movie called mvp most valuable primate and kelly is like oh my god i forgot about that and then i was telling her brother and he was like oh my god i forgot about that movie

it's so bad um and i was like oh boy i can't wait to go watch it and i think even even his girlfriend macy i think even like remembered it but anyways um you you were you were a little older i was too old but like like air bud specifically and then all of the like dumbass airbud entertainment offshoots they were like a phenomenon during those early 2000s like late 90s they were you you like you like just missed being the target market for that yeah yeah i mean i also i was a weird kid like i like wanted to be cool and so i really didn't want like i watched kid step but i also balanced it out with like you know like dangerous minds was one of my favorite movies in elementary school like fourth grade i watched it on repeat i thought it was the coolest movie ever i just wanted to be you know tough gangster

so bad this is so cool um anyways i have a couple more tangents um the game announcer for the golden nuggets is the bad guy from the big bird movie follow that bird and that was one of my favorite movies as a kid like it was on hbo all the time still is i still i still run it back and watch it it's good stuff have you seen it brandon where big bird goes to live with the dodos because he just feels like you know he just you know needs to go live with some birds i'm gonna be honest with you i have never once watched a second of anything Sesame Street related. Wow. Okay. I mean, to each their own. That's fine. I just wasn't

a Sesame Street guy. That's alright. Sometimes that happens, but it was a good movie. If you want to go back and watch it, Brandon, it's on HBO. Okay. Something I'm assuming that you're probably going to turn around and do dude

rover come on dude rover guy's awesome uh but speaking of rover speaking of um announcers so yeah he's the announcer guy uh for the golden nuggets all the way through season and then once we get to that championship game the junior a versus B, where we're in – I think they're at Rogers Center in Vancouver. I think that's the name of the arena. They bring in the other team's announcer, the Polar Bears announcer, who is Jim Hewson, which he – do you know who Jim Hewson is? He's a no he should be a legend in your book but he's a legend in my book because he is the play-by-play uh commentator voice for the ea sports nhl video games from like the the mid 90s to like the mid 2000s somewhere in there he did like all those

i think i had nhl 96 he would have been um He would have been Let me double check The 96 he might have started Because I usually like would Start my season with either The Avs or the Stars Because I really liked Brett Hull And Mike Madano you know Liked playing with them in the game

We are a pro Pro Madano podcast here for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Really like them. But I also 96 96. He wouldn't have been 96. 97 was his first year. 97 to

2009. Have you played that like any of the modern versions of the NHL game? I haven't played a hockey game in so long i don't know if they're still fun i bet they're fun i played wwe 2k23 it's got like some some rpg moments where like you you have to like make a decision and based on your decision it has like consequences for your character it's kind of fun yeah i mean they've been doing that for forever i haven't

played i haven't played video games in forever i really got into it i they have uh and it's fun too because they have a male storyline and a female storyline um so got to go to do one of each and then like you totally customize it all the way it's fantastic fantastic. Raymond. It's fine. I spent like it's been a horrifying amount of time like cultivating this girl's entrance I did uh, I haven't played uh, the last nhl game I played was probably like um A couple years ago like 21 or 20, whatever that would have been. Um, And they're I mean, they're still fun. Uh, I

They they had this new like they had like a three-on-three mode that was pretty cool um i'll have to look at that but uh 24 but i i i haven't played a wwe game in a little bit a couple years but i remember even back then uh the like the cut the customization to like make make your creator wrestler look however you want is ridiculous. It's wild. They utilize because it's 2K

so they utilize, you can upload stuff to 2K's server or whatever and then bring that into the game. You can make shit look real fancy on your computer and then move that into the game. So you can, you can like make shit look like real fancy on your computer and then move that to the game. So there's like,

if you, I'm sure you could go on YouTube and like, look up like, like best or weirdest creator wrestlers. There's some, like some people spend a lot of time and are very talented at like making like Batman or, you know,

shit like shit like that. I actually have gotten pretty good at making the the 2k people look like me like my my my fifa he even like even the even the girl the girl wrestlers you know no the girl is just random but uh but no the the my wrestler heath is like is they have your pretty close but um do they have your hairline in the game no i pretend like it's my hairline when i was 18. that's i do i do the same thing too i give my myself a very very luscious lock sometimes i'll even go like like uh like like mullet or like man bun style just to really really drive it home i mean my yeah like my my fifa character like kelly was like oh my god is that

you and i was like oh my god yeah i made i made it i made it i was like that's 18 year old heath man do you do the because i know they they uh i never actually used it but i know there's some games i think 2k you can do it where you take like a picture of your face and you can you can i didn't do that no that's just how how good i did because like i i kind of got the nose right where it's like it's not super big but it's kind of big they have my exact beard and then like you're going 18 year old hito so you don't have the you know the the weathered the weathered wrinkles and the bags under your eye yet exactly exactly like like the stress of life has not taxed me like my hair is like thick and full and like down in my eyebrows

and like like when i get because i work from home so like sometimes i'll like you know be like three months i'll be like oh jesus i think i need a haircut and kelly's like yeah you need a haircut it looks disgusting but but she can visualize what it would be like full and thick instead of disgusting and stringy i i had a real uh like a real um awakening moment the other a couple weeks ago where like i uh because i feel like my glasses um do a fairly good job of like hiding the bags under my eye you know they kind of like they they they distort it a little bit we're so yeah i like got up it was like on a weekend and i got up and i had my glasses off and i like looked in the mirror um and i was like oh my god like my the bags under

my eye are just i you know i look like i just the weight of the world is on my shoulders right yeah so i i got you can get those little like those little like rollers so i got some of those to kind of hopefully combat that um because dude i it was like it was like i was like is that a raccoon am i looking at a raccoon what's going on with my the backs into my eyes right now uh i've just completely leaned into it and like people people will be like oh he look a little tired it's like no that's the worst dude you look tired this is just how i look now like this is this is what life looks like wait hold on can we not to pause your story but we didn't tell the listeners why the fuck we're talking about most valuable primate. They should be able to figure it out.

There's no way. Brandon, I spent the whole movie trying to figure out where in the world this individual was and never saw them. So, like, it needs explanation. It requires explanation. It's a... I tried to find him too, and it was very hard. I tried to...

We have a lot of reaches on this show. There's a lot of reaches, but this might be the deepest reach. Home Alone worked out nice because Averman was actually in the scene. We could freeze frame it. And I tried to find the scene uh that this guy's in um i'm assuming he's in multiple scenes like but i tried to find one of them

and i couldn't couldn't freeze frame it couldn't figure it out but i couldn't find him on the m imdb cast he's listed very last yeah anyway sorry i keep interrupting it's just so absurd brandon but it were also a there's also multiple there's there's a couple other connections to you a we have a hockey movie which is a good thing to do regardless of there's there's a hard connection but they they mention the mighty ducks in the movie they did they do the dude gets signed to the mighty ducks at the end of the movie i know that's that's as soon as you get done explaining why that's another one of my point i got two more points that i want us to discuss because the fucking adult human goalie like not knowing that he needs glasses somehow is just like god damn it what was that his name

is magoo okay yeah okay mr magoo needing was that was that like the joke was that like the was that a set like mr it was mr supposed to be mr magoo needed the glasses like i don't i don't know it just i don't know anything about the whole McHugh The fucking kid Solving this adult's problem Hey So it looks So it looks like you can't see the puck It's like what the fuck Who greenlit that storyline

Within this fucking movie I hated it Brandon It annoyed the shit out of me You needed him to be bad And boy was he bad He made Goldberg look like a fucking All star It annoyed the shit out of me. You needed him to be bad. And boy, was he bad. He made Goldberg look like a fucking all-star. Yeah, because he couldn't see the puck.

And somehow was like, you know what? There's no way my shitty vision could be impacting my goalkeeping. Anyway, sorry. I think he knew. He knew he couldn't see it i think he i think the the the thing i think they were going for was that he was embarrassed by it oh this was like a 90s like oh my god i can't believe i have glasses on and then um they just it's a it's a it's a wild can't hardly wait, or not can't hardly wait,

but where you take the glasses off and then you hot girl. No, it's an exact copy of Major League. It's a wild thing where they give them the glasses. Oh, my God. I haven't watched Major League in forever. Where they give them the glasses and then everybody starts wearing the glasses, right? Because he's got the little tape. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a Major League wild thing. Hom thing uh homage rip off whatever you want to call it oh my god the amount of adults that didn't understand like anyways that's that's a that's a different thing that i guess we don't have to get into but like did you the the final um major league movie the back to the Miners movie. Oh my god. So bad, but so good. I love it so much. I watched it all the time as a kid, but it's real bad. The first one's a fantastic movie. I know

I've seen the second one. I don't remember anything about it, but I've definitely never seen the third one. Stay away from that one. Yeah, it's kind of a disaster. But they're back in the minors, and I love love some i'm a sucker for some minor league baseball um all right well i guess we just talked about the we talked about my tangent but the whole fucking guy with the glasses on my god damn it you haven't let me tell people why we're doing the movie sorry i got the whole the whole dude needing glasses storyline really just

grinded my gears if i'm being honest if you couldn't tell it was pretty ridiculous and the fact that he got signed to the to the ducks at the end um crazy but so why didn't he wear rec specs those things were awesome anyways okay sorry keep. So why we're doing this movie, okay, he's listed very last in the credits, is because Scott White, who plays Gunnar Stahl in D2 and Scooter in D3. Still insane that they did that, but keep going. But he is in this movie. He's listed very last in the credits because he is just an extra, essentially. He's credited as hockey player along with like 20 other people.

So he's just one of the hockey players in the background of the scenes skating around. And Scott, if you're listening, let us know. Reach out to the pod. Scott, if you're listening, reach out to the pod scott if you're listening reach out to the pod with the screen grab a video clip if you could give us you are in this movie if you could give us a time stamp that would be lovely or if anybody any even anybody besides scott if you know where scott is in this movie any of our loyal listeners who was who was the guy that said where his favorite podcast fucking love that guy i don't know i don't pay attention to usernames i just uh same but like fucking love that guy shout out shout out that

guy dude that guy that guy i i actually um did make a joke though i was like you know i'm not i i love that guy but i am a little worried about him i think it's one of those things uh it's like it's like the opposite of never meet your heroes. Like, don't meet your fans. Like, I appreciate the fandom, but I'm also a little concerned about where you are in your life. But yeah, so Scott White is in D2, D3. Gunner Stahl. Gunner Stahl is in this movie somewhere. Not exactly sure where, but he's in this goddamn movie if someone can

where's waldo this like fantastic gold two two and a half gold stars i'll i'll make sure to to if when i when i post uh i'll post something to um to the socials to tick tock and instagram and all that and i'll tag i'll tag scott in it see if he can help us with a with a time stamp or something because i tried i tried to i tried to do the averman from home alone like i said where you found the exact frame the exact three seconds of the movie that he's in um and couldn't quite do it with this one no no it was tough um yeah and my last thing was I thought that it was nice that this movie even in 2000 um I thought it was very ahead of its time to have a young

deaf girl in the lead I thought that was nice I thought that was and it was and I mean I know it helped move the storyline but along but like the actress that plays her not deaf so oh really a little bit of uh deaf face going on here yeah it was it's not like uh leo dicaprio and what's eating gilbert great

that's very very he won a he won a fucking oscar maybe one's okay but not the other i don't know um but anyways i i did think it would i it obviously would be better if she would have actually been deaf but um still very fun it was nice her and the her and the monkey even though the monkey would have eaten her face it was very nice to bond that they were able to communicate with each other you know they were through through through asl yeah it's just it's a beautiful thing yeah speaking of her being deaf there's that scene at the beginning where she thinks that she doesn't get invited to the girl's birthday party but she actually does i was i'm not gonna

read my notes because i was i was real mean before i put two and two together that she was deaf the girl the girl who's handing out um her invites is literally just throwing them she's like she's essentially making it rain with her invites she's yeah she's just she's a rapper and an atlanta strip club yeah she's fucking throwing up and it's like how is anybody supposed to figure out which invites theirs yeah that her being james harden in a houston strip club is just it didn't help with the communication of who or who was not invited and so tara or tara or whatever her name was her invite just slipped under the desk yeah i did have another another thing i literally was like

i because i like i said i didn't realize that she wasn't hearing what they were doing and so in my notes i was like if this sad sack of shit would just fucking get off her ass and get out of her desk and go intermingle with the kids she might not get left out like she's just throwing the fucking invites all over the place there's no way that and she i like and i literally was like she's screaming everyone's invited and then she had turned away at that point but anyways but i had the same thing they they firmly established throughout the movie that she she i mean she's deaf but she is great at lip reading she does it multiple times in the movies and it's like okay girl like take down, relax, and read some lips here. Let's figure out what's going on before we start fucking crying.

I love that he got reunited with his family and his family had pants on. I was like, why? Why did they have pants on? I thought they were at a nature preserve. They 100% are. I think they just did that so Jack wouldn't look so out of place. Okay, with his full full fucking snow outfit

on. Yeah. I cried during the scene. Cry is a bit of a generous word. I welled up, you know. Got a little misty. Misty. Someone was cutting onions. The scene where he's, you know, stuffed into the suitcase, into the rack. I mean, that's

like abandoning your fucking dog on a train and being like good luck dude yeah yeah like what what's wrong with you you're just sitting there eating bananas all all sad and shit yeah and and with this little light this little headlight so you can read oh my god it was it was a really adorable train ride that's why you just get so mad at the stupid janitor guy get your stupid ass on there so you can monitor him in the luggage compartment above you i just there was there was no reason for why he wasn't on that train no reason yeah and just um the other fun wrinkle that i don't know if you noticed was the the owners of the hockey teams um selling peanuts in the stands did you yeah why is that uh i don't i just found it very

funny it was just a thing that i saw because after the owners meeting it flashed to the golden nuggets owner and he was selling peanuts in the stand hey you gotta sell something you know usually you hire people for that but i guess they were just establishing that they were broke i say it's a it's a it's a junior b middle of nowhere british columbia um hockey team if they're not exactly raking in money whatever whatever i'm the same have you you i'm not you you worked in minor leagues before i'm assuming you've been to like even lower leagues games right i don't know you should you show up to those and it's like the people that are working the concession stand are for sure either the owner or like the arena's like nephew it's like dude i need you to come you know you come cover and i'll

pay in in leftover hot dogs. Yeah, or I'll give you a puck, a signed puck from this dude who's never going to make the major leagues. But he might. Junior hockey is, yeah, junior hockey is not a, at least the lower levels. If you get to major juniors, those teams make probably a substantial amount of money. But like junior A, junior B, they're not raking in money. And these kids are not getting paid very much.

They're making $50 a game, $100 a game. Not to go off again, but I did have another note. Did you notice they did the alley-oop play? I wrote that down. So I wrote down. So he wears 99 just like banks. And then he does the alley-oop. And I also wrote down right underneath that I wrote down. So there's the scene where he's

the scene where he is like walking through town and the people come up and they ask him for his autograph and he signed. There's no way he signs Jack, right said he they like they like they like the smartest monkey in the world brandon he's writing i mean when they when they using a headlamp to read a book so i was just looking at pictures bro i think I think he was reading a book. But when they show him like getting ready to sign the autograph and then they cut to an autograph that says Jack, I was like, there's no way, dude. No way. The cuts back and forth between the stunt double and the monkey on the ice. They cracked me up a lot.

Like they were because they were so obvious. It was. Oh, those were those are really good i also oh my god the very the very last play of the championship where oh my god it's tara instead of her or instead i was gonna end i was gonna end on how much i hated the ending um that was that was that was so that was so egregious That was like That was like the goose play from Game Changers Alright I agree I'm ready to rip that apart But really quick I just have to yell About the fact that like

How in the F When the monkey hits the goal Ripper It's the fucking little deaf girl Is the only person in the stands that is like hey well the reason stop the game the reason she is because the of the scene in the at the weird little ice the the outdoor when they're practicing and he does it then and just don't the whole game stopping and then the the california kid being like hey guys we gotta look at the net and then the California kid being like,

hey, guys, we got to look at the net. And then the ref being like, you know what? You're right, buddy. We better look at this net. Goal. The best part is that was the mean ref, too. He finally came around. Saw the light.

I thought for sure he was going to say no goal. He should have. All right. So let's get to this harvest cup okay because i this this ending goal they they literally just had a goal called off the first time jack broke onto the ice and slaps the goal home it's's the first, it's one of the first things that happen when Jack is on the fucking team. And then to end the game, we get a small child on the ice

hitting the game-winning goal, who is obviously just like the monkey in the first game, an ineligible player. And so the whole concept of this school and this in this process and the kid that is their best player taking a fucking taxi with the monkey to send him on an airplane it just i just damn it you know just damn it. I, it, the whole ending, the, the whole fucking ending was just so nonsensical. It's just any, any number of people. Could his mom, his dad, his little sister, his family could have taken the taxi with

the monkey to the airport to drop him off while him and captain p who is who was doing uh the stupid game changers kid move where it was just like oh i've got a i've got a hook i like just not playing because he just i don't know he has that he has the yips i don't know it's just god damn it that revelation where he walked at the in between the the second third period where he just walks up to the coach and goes you know i'm not injured right he's like yeah i know it was so the coach alluded to it at the beginning he said he's like he's injured but we don't know why and i was like oh god that fucker's gonna be back at the at the last game oh i saw this coming a mile away it's just the way they did it was so stupid i didn't catch any of that um i didn't

even realize that that kid the kid that was hanging out um on the bench was all was the player i i that didn't register i must have zoned out yeah because they said he's the coach said that to the when he's introducing the the team the teammates because so so i didn really so a the the dude Pete his last name is rib Chimpski has his last name is chimp in it but so when when Jack first gets to the when he first like it's the arena and this like trying trying on the hockey Stuff that was a great scene as the best scene of the movie when he was like trying to figure out how to put the hockey But he so he grabs pete's jersey and that could that confused the fuck out of me that's

when i had to like pause it and like figure out what was going on um because the the he just gets into the the locker room there's a random jersey that says rib chipski and i was like they just have a jersey already that has chip in it i was like what the fuck is that um and then it's and then it's uh it had the when it had the captain's patch on i was like okay that that's weird um and then i then i paused it figured it out and beat but uh that the when he that was it was such like an anticlimactic like like ho-hum you know i'm not injured right like it was so it was it was the most boring way to go about that scene hey i i hated it so much i just the end of this movie

was like you said with the so she's an illegal player although i i think she i think they got away with it because she because they illegal player although i i think she i think they got away with it because she because they like you know they have what they do they dog piled her so nobody yeah i don't think the refs could tell or anything like that well no because they popped her helmet off during the celebration and held her on their shoulders but well that was that that was after that was after the game was already called. You can't go back. You can't rewind this. They also did your favorite move, too. Pete should have been allowed to play, either. Oh, yeah, the goal at the very last second.

Well, yeah, Pete was... My God. And Pete's... It doesn't matter, but Pete skating around... I hated it. I hated the whole Pete storyline. That was the worst. Oh, yeah, the scene where he's like actually out there skating i yeah that was like doing like some knee spin thing like what was up with the knee spin things they did that a couple

different times that was that was that was the scene that scene confused the fuck out of me too because the first time i said i had to like rewind it the first time i watched it i was like who the fuck is pete it was it was so dumb and then and to make the ending even worse like the game whatever it doesn't matter but to make the ending even worse last second goal sitting 50 50 on the line for 25 seconds and the the one of the polar bear guys is just standing in front of it. Scoop it out, dude. Scoop it out. I couldn't do it.

It was egregious. It was terrible, terrible hockey. And then they double down. The movie ends with them doubling down on the monkey flying by himself and and this time instead of a bus it's a plane yeah there's no stops he's got it so so he's so he's at least better but i mean i still just you know at least he gets some jujubes

so okay wait wait wait we never even talked about we never even talked about when he puts him on the train right and he hands him cash and a note that says el simi and nature preserve and he says hand this to a taxi driver oh yeah that's which i'm assuming i'm assuming that i'm assuming that's what he did when he landed and got off the plane right as he found a taxi cab and was like here you go right that's because otherwise otherwise how does he get to the nature preserve i can't remember was he in the taxi he was in a taxi right i think so i think so because it just yeah my god it's i i don't know that i i did love that magoo got signed for by a farm team for the mighty Ducks.

That was good on Magoo. Our boy Kevin Zeger. Westover gets to Vancouver WHL team. I know we talked about this beforehand. Did we talk about Kevin Zeger's once we started actually recording? No. Who's he again? The kid from Air Buds?'s he's it's the obviously

this is airbud entertainment kevin ziegers is the same kid from the original airbud movies the first okay he was in the first two for sure maybe the first three but yeah he's the kid for he's the kid from airbud um i i fucking love kevin ziegers he's uh because of airbud he has a special place in my heart love that guy he was also in uh your favorite show he's gossip girl i never i've never seen that show xoxo gossip girl i don't even know what it's about is it's it's the one that i always accidentally call gilmore girls that's literally the only way that i know gossip girls because i accidentally call gilmore girls gossip girl all the time and well and so it confuses people a lot and i'll be like oh yeah she's she's the lady from she's the mom from gossip girl where they talk really fast back and forth to each other and people are like what are you talking about there's no like

mom daughter anyway well there's there's a mom-daughter thing in Us Girl. You know what I still just... I'm looking at the IMDb page right now, and I just cannot get over the fact that someone created this movie, lost $3 million, and was like, you know what we need? Three more.

We need a skateboarding monkey. And then you know what else we need? That's the problem. He was, it's, the hockey was the problem. The hockey was the problem. We need skateboards. And then since, due to the wild success of the skateboarding one, we may as well get extreme and throw him out on a snowboard.

Why not? That makes perfect logical sense. Go big or go home, man. Yeah, who wouldn't immediately just... I wonder if Kevin Zeger's... Oh, dude. Oh, fuck. Ours just went onto the IMDb page for the skateboarding one.

We might have to watch this movie. It looks... Dude, Bob Bernquist plays himself in this movie oh I actually love that wait the dude the dude who plays what's his name is Al Borland from Home Improvement

yeah the dude who plays him is like the is the main guy oh nice okay I was trying to see though where's uh oh my god details oh there's no uh there's no budget info on most vertical primate i was wondering if that if that happened to make money doubt it the tagline for this movie is terrible. It's Jack skates a little faster, shoots a little harder, and is driving everyone bananas. I mean, that's pretty spot on.

I don't know what more you want. Think about, I want you to, I'm going to go back to Kevin Zegers, though, because Kevin Zegers is fucking legit. But think about this kid's first, like, five years in Hollywood, right? Where he is doing nothing but play opposite of animals doing sports. What a crazy life. The fact that he didn't, like, die of drug addiction is a miracle. You spend five years – you spend your formidable years of like 15 to 20, right, in Hollywood as a child actor, and all you're doing is acting opposite of animals that can't talk back to you? What a – we need like a documentary on this kid's life. What a harrowing... You think he's okay? What a harrowing journey

he must have been on. You think he's okay now or do you think there's like some weird stuff with animals going on? I guarantee you he doesn't have pets. I guarantee you he's like... I just don't... I don't want to... I don't want anything to do with animals ever again i've had enough

oh there is so that speaking of which so that i know we talked about this offline kevin ziegers is in one of my my favorite like um guilty pleasure movies of all time which is called frozen it's not the disney movie though it's a horror movie but i just remembered so the the movie uh the plot of the movie is him and two him and his girlfriend and his best friend get stuck on a chairlift in the middle of the night and are there are like stranded there but it's spoiler spoiler actually i don't know if I want to say this but he he he has an encounter with wolves in that movie which is now that I think about it pretty ironic

given everybody I I don't know what to do with you when you talk about like a scary movie that revolves around people getting stuck on a chairlift. It's a ridiculous, obscene premise, but they execute it very well. The saving grace is the dialogue. The dialogue between the three of them, because there's a lot of downtime because they're on a fucking chairlift.

So you need good script dialogue writing to kind of get you through those yeah that's that's where it shines is that that kind of stuff it keeps it moving forward it's it's it's so much better than it sounds this is how i describe it it's so much better than it sounds well we'll take your word for it, Brandon. Anyways, do you, do you have too much else to say about this movie? I mean, it,

it really is like probably the most unmemorable movie I've watched in a really long time. It was not good. I'm not gonna lie to you. It was not good. Oh, so I have a couple. So one,

there's the, the scene in his first game where everybody in the, they're playing at the Tigers, right? And everybody in the stand, they start throwing eggs. They literally egg him while he's on the ice. Oh my God, yeah, they egg the kid when he's going to score a goal. That was awesome. That was really good stuff.

That's a good note to come back to. Another thing is, so when she's, when tara is packing jack's bag to leave right yeah she's packing all the stuff in the bag she's she finds his uh his frame with his with the picture of him and his mom and she takes the thing out she steals his frame she takes the picture and and then later on you see that she held on to the photo too she stole us she stole his photo and his frame what a move like I I was I was sitting there watching that trying to figure out why is she taking it out of the frame and then she then she literally get like she she stole his frame which made no sense just put the frame in the bag. It's not going to break.

It's going to be fine. It's fine. You don't need to take the photo out of the frame. I mean, I now am just laughing so hard because I'm now remembering this, but I was so checked out of the movie. I was just like trying to like, all right, let's keep her moving here because this is rough. And Josie was just making the fucking craziest noises while she was sleeping.

My God. It needed to take a half a second to spin around to make sure everything was okay over there. Good Lord. She gets on her back sometimes. You just don't realize it's a little 17-pound dog over there making those noises. She's probably asleep, Anthony. you got to give it a mask well she does have a hole in her heart valve so you know it's sometimes sometimes those weird noises you're kind of like oh is this it sweet sweet old joe's she's has about 10 teeth left and one good eye oh scary neighborhood kids anyways all right i don't have it i don't have too much else to say

i ripped through all my talking points but i feel like i had good talking points for this movie i feel like that went well yeah is this our new method like if a movie sucks we don't need to go blow for blow we'll just kind of like talk about the things we like and then move on yeah yeah i definitely even even for the good ones i don't know if we need to go blow for blow no i like going blow for blow sometimes like think about like how good it was when we were we were singing for the newsies and goofy i guarantee you nobody enjoyed that. Nobody. Think about how good that was. Name one person that didn't like it. Me. You're the only one.

I mean, did you put any of my singing on TikTok? Maybe that's where we... Maybe that's the testament and people just start commenting mean things. We had a mass unfollowing after I put you on. Oh, my God. You're just saying that. You're just saying that.

Liar. But, yeah, that's pretty much it for this movie. Again, it was very loose. No hepatitis testing in Tennessee, you know? No hepatitis testing in Tennessee for old Jack. Just a happy ending. We didn't touch on that yet. They were going to, after the professor dies,

we didn't even touch on the evil people that were trying to track down Jack. Because they would do quick little 10-second things. Like, oh yeah, this guy is a bad guy. And he kept spilling. A, he kept wearing a white suit. And then B, he kept spilling shit on it. And the girl spilling her hot chocolate all over his crotch was weird, right? Yeah.

But yeah, there was the evil guy who was trying to sell him to the University of Tennessee where they were doing some hepatitis. Some unconfirmed reports that they were doing hepatitis testing on chimpanzees. Yeah. Unconfirmed reports that they were doing Hepatitis testing on chimpanzees Yeah and if it Do we know it was like the University of Tennessee Volunteers because if so we got some Questions for Peyton some of those Donations may not be going to where you think Exactly They did say the University of Tennessee

Well then I think we can all Agree that they fucking suck Rocky Top Sing us some rocky top oh good old rocky top rocky top tennessee what's uh i can't think of that dolly did it better but something something good something on rocky top good deep in the tenn Tennessee hills Singing about the mountains in Tennessee Gonna go take some pills I don't think that's it.

Who knows? I've been really getting into country music lately, though, Brandon. Yeah? You know, a lot of... I've been listening to a lot of Zach Bryan. I like that guy. Zach Bryan's good. I like Zach Bryan and Morgan Wallen.

I know most people are not big Morgan Wallen guys, but I kind of like him. I'm not a big Morgan Wallen guy. I've been getting into I've been on a real big Colter Wall kick lately. You should listen to him.

His voice is insane. It's ridiculous. I love that. I do also really like Casey Musgraves when she sings, We're all going to die someday. We're all going to die someday, Lord. We're all going to die someday. You know who you should listen to?

Mama's on pills, daddy's over the hill, but we're all gonna die someday You know who you should Mama's on pills daddy's over the hill But we're all gonna die someday You know who you should listen to Is This guy Let me double check I get the name right I always mix up his Oh boy this is a real great recommendation Brandon

Actually I keep calling I keep getting Zach There's a Zach Brian, there's a Luke Brian, and then there's a Luke Bryant, I think. And I kept calling, like when I was trying to like, like I heard a song, I was like, Oh, this isn't bad. And then I was trying to look for him and I kept typing zach bryant and so it kept pulling up the wrong results so anyways i was for someone that's not very good with names these country singers got to figure this shit out luke bryant luke bryant zach bryant like what the fuck are we doing can someone like put i don't know do something luke combs too have you listened to

luke combs my god no don't don't put another person in their brain it's already too hard to keep them I almost accidentally bought uh uh uh Luke Bryan like a Luke Bryan album I was like oh yeah Luke Bryan I fucking love this guy I was like no damn it it's Zach it's it's got to be Zach Bryan or Brian not no T you know fuck i don't know it just doesn't make any sense it does you know like one of them should make a name up like madonna or some shit right like you gotta be the next prince so i got here's the recommendation for you okay the reason i wanted the reason i wanted to double check is because he's he's got it's like the three name thing um and i always mix up the last two. I always switch them. His name is

Benjamin Dakota Rogers. That's a country name. It's fantastic. He does a great cover of Constant Sorrow. Another great cover of Blackjack County Chain. His original stuff

is fantastic too. That's your recommendation. that's your homework one thing and for everybody that's listening benjamin dakota rogers one thing that kelly and i always like is that my mom calls it country western music only like this the only way she refers to it as like, oh, geez, this is this. Are they playing country western on this pop radio station? Well, there's country western music and then there's country music. No, all of it. She refers to even like the poppiest of country music. She refers to country western music.

Morgan Wallen is country music. Coulter Wall is country western. And to Mama D, they're all country western. Alright, we should play... We've talked about this movie for far too long, to be honest with you. Have you ever listened to Coulter Wall? Did I ask you that? You should listen to it. But

you should play them for Mama D. Mama D would love Coulter Wall. There's no way. She hates country western music, Brandon. Why does she hate country western music? She lives in the... She lives in the sticks in Nebraska and she hates country Western music. My grandpa listened to a lot of like old country and polka music and she just kind of, you know, got real burned out of it. Okay.

That's fair. You know, polka, polka, polka. Listen to a lot of the, you know, Gus. What is it? What's his name? Gus Feinstein and the polka, the Shanoa polka kickers. I don't know. I think I was wrong with every piece of it.

Kenosha kickers. I forget his name, but. But they're big in Sheboygan. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The polka kings of the Midwest, man. Yeah.

All right. What. Yeah. The Polka Polka Kings of the Midwest, man. Oh man. All right. What's your, do you have a cakey rating or do you want me to go first? You go first. I already have mine. I just got to look it up here. I wrote it down.

What's yours? I am going to go strictly because I felt bad for being really mean to the deaf girl in my notes before I realized she was deaf. Like, so I'm going to like that also played a part in my rating. So I'm going to go 1.98 kicks, 1.98. This movie is real bad. And, and, you know,

if I wouldn't have had the opportunity to get my mind right before the movie, it would have been a real, a real chore to get my mind right before the movie it would have been a real a real chore to get through and even then um there was intermediate scrolling throughout um yeah i was definitely double tasking um yeah is while watching this show 198 that's that's that's a solid score though i feel it's better than what it deserves if we're being completely honest as i say mine's mine's slight my score is slightly harsher um like i said i i monkeys weird me out i don't care for them this movie was not terrible it did make me cry though it did make me cry um so i i'm gonna give it a 1.25 wow okay it's not uh it is not good i don't recommend watching it if if maybe maybe if it had more scott white in it yeah now we're talking but it's and like even even like you know

if you are a parent and your kid has run out of all movies and like i just i have to watch a hockey movie right now or i'm gonna scream then you can put it on amazon on the freebie thing that they have but otherwise it is on freebie uh free with time to be too right it's probably on all it's probably on all of them yeah whatever all the free stuff yeah what was the other one that has like the channels sometimes that we talked about so there's freebie is amazon's there's 2b that's so that's what rollerball was on was too that's that's what it was and uh i think i think that's what turbulence was on too was too yeah 2b2 and then there's also pluto tv that's the one that

has like the channels pluto is the channels 2b is the one that i usually use i think 2b has a lot of really fun like old deep cut like 80s cartoons like now i guess transformers isn't a deep cut but they have the original transformers cartoon do you ever watch cops as a kid i had some cops toys it was yeah so anyways they got like a cartoon cops yeah like c-o-p-s like it stood i thought it stood for something. I thought you were talking about, like, the show Cops. Well, I mean, I loved that as a kid, too. I thought that was...

Hold on, let me... My buddy watches those... It's the Central Organization of Police Specialists. And they had, like, all these different, they had like a cowboy one and a trench coat one and a technology one and a girl one. It was nice. And I had all the toys. And like the bad guys were like, you know, like the one was like a big fat dude with a metal hand.

And then one was like a guy fat dude with a metal hand and then one was like a guy that had like guns in his coat anyways it was um it was unhinged you know what other cartoon i was watching the other day is on amazon street sharks remember those i put that cartoon on that cartoon is unhinged as well like it was like wow okay like their dad like it was just yeah anyways just wait till we get to the the mighty ducks cartoon that's That cartoon is unhinged as well. It was like, wow. Their dad. Just wait until we get to the Mighty Ducks cartoon. I actually can't wait. I actually cannot wait for that.

That's going to be quite the couple episodes. There's like 20? There's like 20 or 25 episodes. One season of Gold. I think we should do every episode i think we should break it yeah okay okay yeah i'm gonna i want to break that down like it's game of thrones yeah there's some fucking heavy hitters in that show too though dude like tim tim curry voices the

like the drag the whatever the fucking uh bad guy is he's like an outer space dragon i mean i still have the little Burger King toy you know it's on my desk over here for whatever the guy with the one wheel is that wheels around from the team wait let me see him

because Wild Wing's the main guy the wheel one though oh shit can you see it yeah I can see it what's their fucking name yeah see how he's he's got like the wheel that he is but but that's the one i got in my ear is that a mighty ducks i don't know if that's even a mighty ducks one dude disney and kellogg's oh dude this isn't a happy meal toy I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so.

I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so.

I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so.

I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. not um mighty ducks dude the cartoon didn't come out to like 99 97. oh really what is that that's not a mighty ducks thing but it's are you sure it's a mighty yeah i'm looking at every single mighty duck in the cartoon uh not not him all right well now we have to solve this mystery quick before we stop talking about this episode okay kellen oh that's ducktales one wheel ducktales robot um well that's gizmo duck dude he not how did we not recognize fucking gizmo duck oh man i know i did i which is surprising too because no one knows better than me that life is like a hurricane here in Duckburg. Oh, dude, that.

I found a pop punk. That's Gizmo Duck. I found a pop punk version of that song. Nice. Fantastic, you know. Might solve a mystery. Duck tales. Ooh.

Yeah, that's Gizmo Duck. Oh, shit. I was way off gizmoduck damn it Thanks for listening, everyone. Please remember to follow and like us on Instagram at TheCakeEatersPod, on Twitter at the Cake Eaters. Also reach out to us via email, thecakeeaterspod at gmail.com or visit our website, thecakeeaterspod.com.