The Cake Eaters - 87. D3: The Mighty Ducks - Part 7

Episode Date: July 2, 2024

Heath & Brandon continue talking D3: The Mighty Ducks! Today’s episode goes over minutes 60-72. The boys discuss Hans and Jan, Joshua Jackson in Dawson's Creek, The Barenaked Ladies, Bombay's avoidant communication style, Dippin' Dots, and the emotional loss of our true Minnesota Spirit Guide. Follow us on Instagram @thecakeeaterspod Email us at [e-mail]

Remember, it's not worth winning if you can't win! The ducks are dead and they throw the jerseys down. Should we play taps? Taps. That's my trumpet. Or wait, trumpet a bugle playing taps have you ever we used to have to play taps at um the memorial day little celebration thing that they would always do at the cemetery in America. And then they would do like the shooting of the guns. 21 gun salute. Yeah.

21 pilots. 21 Savage. 21. Welcome everybody to the Cakey News Podcast. My name is Brandon and I have, as always, my co-host Heath. Yeah. Spitting more rhymes, mad dirt and grimes brandon let's go we are continuing the deep dive into d3 the mighty ducks this is seven part seven we're on uh seven seven what a journey i just i know i say it every time but you just always forget

like when you take notes and it takes forever and then you watch it back and you're like oh my gosh this movie is flying like everything is happening so fast like it's just this this this movie more than the first or the first two feels like it's just zooming by yeah wait can, though, does it feel like this movie has the least amount of hockey in it so far compared to D1 and D2? Like, that's all I could think about during this episode. Like, there has been so little hockey throughout. There's been two games. If you take out practice.

We can't take out practice. I mean don't know i'm just saying like there's if anything there's a jv game the little bit of a scrimmage where they get worked over but like they don't even like i feel like they don't skate a lot in practice it's usually just coach orion yelling at them to like get their heads out of their ass and do better on defense. If anything, roping should count twice as double hockey. But no, no, you're right. They've only played two games, one against the Blake Bears and then the half kind of scrimmage they do.

And yeah, because D2, they had the Trinidad game, the Italy game, snippets of the Germany game. That had a montage. The other Iceland game. Yeah, they had way more. D1, we had, they played the Cardinals. They played the first game against the Hawks. They played, maybe that was, maybe the, was that it? Did they play any other ones in the first game against the hawks they played maybe that was maybe the was that it did they play any other ones in the first one i don't know i can't remember that the newspaper

articles like scrolling like uh that's true that's the other thing we don't have any we don't have any goddamn news clips yeah it's so and and that also kind of helped like drive the importance of the hockey too, right? Like it was, you know, it was, they got the newspaper clips, they got all the games. Well, that goes to. It just felt like there was more hockey in the first two movies. I think it was, was it you in one of the last episodes who talked about how the stakes are so low? I think that goes to this again, because it's all internal eden hall drama you know like

last movie we were on the goddamn world stage you know this this feels like junior goodwill games in l.a this and then the in d1 it was just uh minnesota peewee hockey but they were on the radio they were we had the news clips you know yeah yeah they had the wall of fame at the Hans and Jan's skate shop for children that don't skate real good yeah we had our watch the other day yeah I forgot how funny that movie is like and how many like fantastic one-liners there were in that anyways but but you're you were right though this is this is it smells it feels like small potatoes compared to the other first two movies it's like this is a cw high school drama versus for sure this is for sure and this is an episode of dawson's creek with uh with charlie conway yeah it just

it they were just like all right how do we how do we translate this into some quick movie dollars because well i think suckers like heath are gonna go buy this on vhs thinking it's gonna be as good as d2 i think maybe there i think maybe there was a little bit i'd have to do some more research into it but i uh i guarantee you there was at least a little bit of that where I bet you Disney – because this is right smack. I think we've talked about this before, but I believe Charlie Joshua Jackson has already filmed season one of Dawson's Creek. I think it's in the – it's either over or it's in the process of um airing while this movie's coming out so i think there was for sure i i would imagine disney was like hey this dude's like he's a star he's got his own fucking well not his own tv show he's he he didn't play dawson but you know he's he's a

main player on this crazy though dude on this crazy popular tv show everybody loved pacey let's let's lean into charlie ay let's let's lean into charlie a little bit here let's lean into the the teenage drama a little bit yeah no more no more coach bullshit that's for sure he's a star player again yeah well and then but you know emilio not wanting to do a whole new a whole other movie uh definitely led to that too because i mean if you're not gonna to focus on amelio you gotta focus on charlie yeah it's true and you know we'll we'll get to it later but we get you know kind of the final passing of the torch for the minnesota miracle man who's good it was

a touching moment you know not to have to spoil until speaking of speaking of this being an episode of dawson's creek this the section we're doing right here, part seven, this little 10-minute section, this is a prime example of what you're going to get with Pacey. And when we tackle Dawson's Creek season one, this is the acting chops from Joshua Jackson you're going to get. He's crying in every scene. He's throwing his little teenage little fits. This is really great stuff you know i mean so we can we can kick it off because we come in brandon to this and hans is looking rough like he is he's in tough shape that cough like we know we know the drill we've been here before we've seen it you know gentle forehead

sweats rough cough uh you know that's when you know that's when you know something bad's going on when you're wiping the forehead yeah and we hear the the kiddo on the radio and we tend to go it doesn't look good for eden hall and bright spot brandon greg the hammer goldberg just made up that nickname on the spot. I don't know if it works. Yeah, I didn't care for the hammer. Greg, wait, hold on. It's good. Greg the Philly.

It's Goldie. Goldie is his nickname. Greg the Cheese Steak Goldberg. No, you wouldn't do cheese steak. You would do, because his family owns a deli. So you do, I don't know. What's like a Philly deli special? don't know a club club sub greg club sub goldberg like a a salmon lox bagel or something i don't know he's jewish too you know yeah i mean and nothing wrong with some some locks you know yeah like especially if it's you

know done well it's not like old well that's that's that's the problem where we're at is it's not done right a lot of times you gotta that's that's like a that's an east coast uh you know delicacy that people people out here have butchered for many years oh yeah you know but like a like a new york deli getting some some bagel and lox noise all right so well anyway yeah but yeah he's on defense he's playing defense brandon we've coached ryan coach o'ryan got his big ass out of that goalie because you know he's behind the net 90 of the time anyway so we may as well get him out of the fucking net for good you know like go like do you think that's how the practice went brandon he was just like all right goldberg you spend so much time outside of the net we're putting you on

defense get out of your goalie pants and then i think you know what he said after that though he said goldie make him make the first move and i'm sure he did sounds like he was making everybody make the first move they're still scoring down 4-1 4-1 cardinals what uh did they say what high school it was they did not they they just said cardinals yeah cardinals four warriors one that's when hot yeah positive and hans is like give a screenshot of the captions yeah sounds like the team needs you charlie yeah yeah they do oh my god but like what does he snap back with no they need a new coach and then hans is like hey you're not a fucking four-year-old anymore charlie stop being a little

bitch before that i miss that too because he's even benny like this sets the tone for him being a bitch he's like your mother's been calling she's been looking for you and he's like i'm right here like geez and then he says it then this sounds like the team needs you don't need me need a new coach he's like you're not a little boy anymore stop acting this way it's like i just don't know what that guy wants from me brandon like oh my god like real sad boy vibes from charlie but he just hans calls him on his shit though it's like he's not gonna let you just skate by he demands more there's a reason this dude is a top-notch spirit guy he's not gonna let you you skate by here pun intended and and he says he's he sees the same thing Gordon did in you. Right. Remember like flashing back movie one,

Charlie was spaz way, right? Like Gordon saw he's more than just a spaz. He's just one triple deke away from glory. That's what this kid is. You know, my God, feel good.

Felt good when he ripped that home, Brandon. Anyways, Hans is not gonna let Charlie you know skate by and just you know sad boy his life away here

he calls him on his shit I love this next moment from Hans too like this is really good this is cause he's Charlie's like being a little bitch about like oh you took my sea away how can I be a captain without a sea? And Hans is like, it's only a letter, Charlie. Look, I have hundreds.

And he throws a handful of fucking seas at Charlie in every color. That was fantastic. I love that he has just a drawer full of captain seas. Yes. Right by his lounging chair. We're not even in the office. Listen, Hans is so in tune with the Minnesota youth hockey scene that he preemptively knows when a C is about to hit a jersey and he's got one ready.

What do we say, Brandon? What do we say? You stay ready. You don't got to get ready. You got it, dude. That's Hans fully. Charlie's like, they're not the same. Don't make fun of me, Hans. Charlie's just, he's kind

of the worst just during so much of this section that we're going to talk about. He's a 14, maybe 15-year-old teenager, Heath. just being fussy as hell every we were all terrible at that age there's that's true i i look back and i can't think of like like and everything if you wanted the message to get to me at that point in my life you would have just had to say the opposite and then i would have been on would have been all in after that but hans this is

fantastic advice too he took away the sea charlie not what's under it go be with your friends charlie you are the heart of this team don't let it slip away don't let it those are wise words when when a dying man tells you not to let something slip away don't let it slip away don't let it those are wise words when when a dying man tells you not to let something slip away don't let it slip away yeah god just the absolute could you imagine the therapy that charlie has to hit after this because hans lies to him about dying and then he doesn't lie to it he doesn't lie to him about dying it's not like Charlie it's like hey Hans are you gonna die tomorrow and he says no that's not what happened yeah I feel like you're putting you I feel like you're putting I feel like you think Hans knows he's not knows he's

gonna die tomorrow he's not feeling well and Charlie catches that he's not feeling well, and Charlie catches that he's not feeling well. I think that there would be some guilt, Brandon and Charlie, that would be like, damn, I wish I would have said something to somebody that that old bastard was looking a little rough. Again, if he's dying the next day, I think it's a little past helping here. But I think that the trauma is not coming from him like lying about the trauma i think the trauma comes from him being an asshole to him right before he dies yes that too that too yeah that too do you think that there was just a little too much yon's hasenpfeffer and eggs and you know just the old ticker eventually gave out all that rich German food. Yeah, yeah, rich German food. The stress of carrying the Minnesota Magic for all these years.

Just imagine the emotional weight of dealing with Bombay for 25 years, and then here comes Charlie, and you're like, oh, fuck, here we go again. Here we go again here we go again the emotional labor that this old man has gone through for the past 35 years of his life is unknowable and we get one final goodbye Brandon

goodbye Charlie and then that's it but we don't know that yet because we get well one hell of a day from yeah the foreshadowing is pretty pretty heavy though you have the coughing the the the forehead swipe and then the the good the goodbye charlie after he's already walked away you know that was that's some heavy heavy-handed foreshadowing yeah and uh but then we flashed to one of my favorite scenes of the whole movie the charlie here we go dude we have talked about it before yeah oh yeah dude this

helped in this these movies helped influence a a heathen family vacation and it was fantastic you know one of my favorite vacations ever brandon i rode the roller coaster that they rode they didn't show the paul bunyan log shoe and i know i say it every time we see the mall of america but it's just it's a legendary ride like the line is always like a 45 minutes long at least well it's probably not been that bad boy that's probably why they didn't do it because you couldn't clear it out yeah they yeah that's that's probably true they knew those kids were not going to wait that long but um you know what i just noticed for the first time watching this time is i i picked up on the soundtrack the music that's playing in the background do you

did you hear what it was okay hold the phone i actually wrote this down too i did it was grade nine bare naked ladies dude bnl at it again hit after hit after hit brandon just i never i never noticed that before great fucking canadian legends dude a plus song choice dude oh yeah and think about how on the nose it is, too. Yeah. Like, this is just everything about that was great. At first, I was like. Heath, I don't know if you know this, but they're in grade nine.

Yeah. It was. As soon as it popped up, I literally was like, wait, this is awesome. Who is this? I had never. Oh, man. I never paid attention to it before. Me neither.

I had the subtitles on for this time, and I saw them just saying Great Nine over and over again. I was like, what the fuck is this? So I started paying attention to it. It was so good. Do you ever watch Community, the TV show? I've seen some of it, not all of it, though. Seasons one and two are the best but in one of those they go on an absolute tangent about bare naked ladies and it is a really good moment in the

show i used to check that out check that youtube clip out i used to listen to a podcast by um the lead singer from silverstein i don't know if you're familiar with that band, but they're a Canadian punk band. But he, the podcast. What song do they sing? A ton. A ton. Smile In Your Sleep. That's probably the biggest one.

But he has a podcast. I think it's still going called Lead Singers Syndrome, where he interviews other lead singers in the music industry. And they just bullshit for like an hour, hour and a half. He had the Bare Naked Ladies guy on. And it's a great fucking episode just to hear. Because he goes into how the band started and how they were DIY for so many years and having to just like like bootstrap you know you burn in your own cds and and shit like that it's a it's a very good listen if you're

into if you like the bare naked ladies or if you just like the the music scene in general highly recommend it but yeah bare naked ladies are dude that that album what's the name of the album that you know what i'm talking about the the one week since you looked name of the album? You know what I'm talking about? The One Week Since You Looked at Me. The album that that's on. I forget what it's called. But that album had a hold on my life when that came out, man. Wait, hold on. It's one of my favorite clips.

I pulled it up, the quotes from Community talking about bare naked ladies. Stunt. That's the album name. Stunt. community talking about bare naked ladies stunt that's the album name stunt so jeff and troy are having a little back and forth and uh jeff goes well he also listens to the bare naked ladies so go get their dumb asses to help you and troy goes okay jeff you're clearly in a bad space but today pierce is our friend and the bare naked ladies are triple platinum. Are you?

Exactly. Oh my God. It's, it's, it's so good. And then Annie's like, maybe BNL has two billboard awards to your zero. He's like, oh,

okay. They're BNL. Now we need a shorthand for bare naked ladies oh my god and then britta ends it maybe we all need some space to pull the knife out of our back of the most celebrated canadian alt rock band of all of the mid 90s you selfish jackass oh my god this i i any reason to bring up that moment in time and community with the bare naked ladies is always a good excuse in my humble opinion um and that is bare naked ladies you can't go wrong but yes stunt was the name of the album that i was thinking of

season 2 episode 15 if anyone wants to go take a watch. It's the Valentine's Day episode where Troy and Abed are both courting the librarian. And it's wonderful. Yeah, everybody go watch that episode. Go listen to the Lead Singer Syndrome podcast with the Barenaked Ladies guy

and go listen to Barenaked Ladies. Yeah, just pull up Spotify, take a lap around this is bnl and just you know let that put on let that canadian alt band from the 90s just take you on a fucking journey put stunt on and just let it ride listen to the whole thing you know that album is a fucking classic dude now i'm motivated to see if i can't make that hit make them hit the top five of the spotify wrapped for 2024 what what what a year that would be you know you could do it naked ladies you could do it with just stunt dudes like we had one week it's all been done was on that call and answer Hit up the curtain. Oh, man.

All right. All right. All right. So let's get back because did you notice Charlie's technique when they're playing the game where you're supposed to, like, toss the ping pong ball into the cup to win a prize? And he's just winging it and making that ball fly as far as they can just a couple of kids that have never played that game before did you see who do you see who the the the uh game attendant though do you see them no i said who is this guy that's that's what i put my notes that's steve brill that's the guy who wrote the the movie steven bro damn it i

knew i recognized him from somewhere i was like i he's in the who is this guy he's from stuff ah brandon he's my notes he's the guy who wrote the movie yeah there we go because he always has like a fun little yeah bit part i love i love when he was he's like you're a big winner there get that big monkey out of here and then he's like, you're a big winner there. Get that big monkey out of here. And then he's like, you boys playing a little hooky today, huh? Oh, don't worry. Secret safe with me. Played a lot of hooky when I was your age. That's always the worst when you're like fucking shit up and some older person comes up to you and they're like, oh, I did the same thing when I was your age and I turned out fine.

Yeah. And I'm a carny now. they clearly did not turn out fine i'm a carny i'm a carny at the mall of america yeah yeah the homeless guy on the corner i used to do that when i was a kid so fuck fuck we're we're all in big trouble um yeah and then fulton convinces Charlie to take the roller coaster they've been pounding food this whole entire time they had a hot dog

was it an ice cream that's coming in a second because he convinces them for the roller coaster and then we get another weird song. It's never coming down by space hog. Do you know that?

I didn't know. I thought it was, I thought it was BNL the whole time. Well, that's it. I was like, Ooh, is this,

is this round two of bare naked ladies? Like is D three sponsored by bare naked ladies? That'd be fucking awesome. But no, it's a space hog, which I'm not mad at that band name in the slightest at all um but this is and then it like bounces back to the ducks being in class because it goes back and forth ducks in class fulton and charlie at the mall of america and

this is where the music teacher's like, hey there, Dwayne. Wolfgang Mozart. Stravinsky. Monk. You're going to meet all of them here, big boy. Who is this music teacher? She looked incredibly familiar. She did look familiar, but I couldn't place it. I couldn't tell if I recognized her, and that's why my interest peaked,

or if she was just hot, and that's why my interest peaked. And then this is where we get look look up who she is because and i'll talk more about um fulton and fulton and charlie they're crushing hot dogs ripping some chocolate dip bananas do you think those are good like i i don't know if that's what i That's what I was trying to remember. I don't know if I would go chocolate-dipped banana. I'd definitely go Dippin' Dots over chocolate-dipped banana. That's for sure. All day. All day? You're going chocolate-dipped banana over Dippin' Dots?

Did they have Dippin' Dots in 1996? I feel like that was a little bit later. Was it? Well, you're looking at what that girl was in. Look up when the year started uh chocolate um have you had a chocolate dip banana yeah dude they're fantastic they gotta be cold they gotta be like cold though because you want that chocolate to like freeze stew it i you know? You know how you dip

a Dairy Queen cone into chocolate and it freezes? You need the banana to be that cold so it freezes to it. And then it's good. I think I had some... Like a warm banana in chocolate fudge? That sounds gross. But I don't even know

if she is listed. I did. Stop missing that again. Sorry, I'm talking to myself. Yeah, Google it. I was hoping it would just be fucking. When Charlie and Fulton are riding those rides and starting to look sick,

it's like, why would you follow up the roller coaster if you're not feeling well with one that's like ripping you up and around in a circle over and over again? And then I always got incredibly grossed out by this as a kid. But like Charlie and Fulton on each end of that trash can, both barfing away. It's I just there's no way you're not catching a piece of shrapnel in there like that's just that's rough business but the security guard top tapping like everyone walking by going ew gross and the security guards like take it outside boys i would make sure that they were done before i told them to take it

outside otherwise your mess is even more out of hand but could you imagine how bad that fucking trash can would reek if you've got charlie and fulton hot dog and chocolate dip banana barf in there yikes dude that trash can probably smelled so bad before they got in there yeah and then you just add that on top it's i mean so i can't i can't find her she's not listed did you just did you google band teacher d3 mighty ducks yeah and all it talks about is the principle. So 1988 is when Dippin' Dots were invented. Oh, there you go, Brandon. See, I told you. Get some Dippin' Dots.

Okay, first of all, before you start fucking patting yourself on the back, you idiot. That's when they were invented, not when they became widely accessible at the Mall of America. Whoa. And they're headquartered in Paducah, Kentucky which is I don't know if I've talked about Paducah, Kentucky on the podcast before but that's one of my favorite cities in the nation me and Flapjack have spent many a night

at the La Quinta in Paducah, Kentucky it's a grade A establishment I would sometimes I one time stayed on the other side of the border on Illinois side and there's a little casino over there. It was over there ripping some slots. It's pet friendly too.

So I was just over there ripping some slots with Jenkins and Josie and a whole bunch of retirees. You know what Illinois is not though? Dippin' Dot friendly. You don't, you don't know that. They didn't invent Dippin' Dots. I know that.

They don't believe in them, I guess. I don't you don't know that they didn't invent dip dots i know that they don't believe in them i guess i don't know but that sequence in the mall of america oh man that was fantastic that was that was just really good stuff and it's just doesn't get better than that and then post mall of america this is where we get get Charlie and Fulton are celebrating their glorious days. Like, man, that sure beats school, huh? Don't worry. It'll be way more fun tomorrow. No barfing tomorrow, Fulton. We're going to play our cards just a little bit better. And Fulton is like, hey, man, like after that, then what? Like this is not a sustainable solution. And Charlie tells him he wants to spend a couple of years in public school and then head on out to Canada and join juniors in Canada at 17.

And Fulton is like, dude, I don't know if I can make juniors. And Charlie's like, with that shot, of course, dude. It's pretty competitive, though. And Fulton is like, hey, man, I don't want to do that. I want to become a townie and work construction for the rest of my life. Like, don't force your dreams of hockey onto me. Let me become a construction worker. Because that's what he does in the future or do you think that that wasn't in the cards originally like do you

think that was just more of like well gotta do something uh i don't know i mean i i mean i i doubt that was like the the the goal i don't know though because. Fulton's a down-to-earth kind of guy. As evidenced by this, he's very realistic. He's not much of a dreamer, I guess. Yeah, he might have just gone to a trade school. Be a contractor.

Just doing well for himself. Living the dream. Maybe his dad's a construction worker. I don't know. Taking over the family business. Fulton and Sons. That's what I would love. I think that's what I would. I would mind some more information on the Reed family. You know, what are the Reed's house like?

You know, what's their kind of shenanigans are they getting up to? Could you imagine 20 years later? Is he an only child? Getting your bathroom fixed by Bash Brothers Construction Company? Dude. The dream. That's a dream right there.

Owning a home, that's fine. But like Bash Brothers Construction putting your deck together? If I owned a home in the Twin Cities area and the Bash Brothers Construction Company was a thing, I would have them on retainer. Yeah. Just for anything that pops up.

I just like, you know. Dude, but this is where Charlie turns on his only ally because he's like, holy shit, Fulton, you sell out. You're going back, aren't you? And he's like, dude, we can deal. The ducks are there. there like let's just this is fun this is nice but we got to get back to reality my friend and then Charlie just

shoes him like a scolded wounded dog get away get get on out of here I don't need you I don't need you i don't need you best it sure was the best hand i ever did have and then like the sad i've always wanted to i've always wanted to do that um to have that to have that moment go on go on get get out of here

oh my god now it would be even better if i could do that to a person and not a dog though you know that's that's the dream the slow turn back puppy dog eyes from fulton after charlie is yelling at him is definitely one of the highlights from that moment where he's that was amazing like gives him a sad dog look like charlie he like walks halfway and turns back are you sure okay okay no you get that was so good that was that was wild and then this is where tragedy strikes brandon get out the kleenexes and the handkerchiefs, folks, because it's getting rough. Because Charlie comes into the diner, says, hey, mom, what's the good word, bird?

And she says, I've been trying to reach you, you little bastard. Hans passed away. And then he's like, no. And she's like, it was his time to go. Yeah. See, I don't. Feel better. Yeah. it was his time to go yeah yeah see i don't feel better yeah i feel like like uh i feel like she probably knew right a little bit like maybe that he wasn't doing well and i bet you she knew he was

like at least sick you know oh like like hans is like hey listen here's the deal let's not tell charlie because i don't want to worry him but like went to the doctor and i've got all kinds of you know i've got some heart disease shit going on here that's some stage five stuff going on you know yeah exactly dude all that yawns haas and pfeffer and eggs has the old ticker ready to pop you know pop goes the weasel because the weasel goes pop. Is the funeral next? Because we got to talk about the funeral for sure, but we also need to delve in to the Hans and Jan dilemma here. I thought thought we were gonna dig into the absolutely horrifying

experience that is what we call bombay's time management it's just well yeah well that that's the funeral for sure we gotta talk about that okay we'll dig in okay the dude shows up late to a fucking funeral like get your shit together bombay this is like showing up in the third period of a elimination game all over so not only does he okay we can just i'll throw this out here just since we're on it right now he shows up late not only does he show up late he drives right up to the the service that they're doing at the gravesite yeah and then he proceeds vip then he proceeds to cut people that are huddled around the casket he cuts in front of them to get to the front

well he had a jersey to lay on the casket well maybe he should have been on time then Bombay maybe he should have shown up a little bit early the thought like could you imagine your mentor the person that helped you get through your father's death in Bombay the person that helped you get through your father's death in Bombay, the person

that helped get you back on your feet during a DUI disaster when you were just a drunk lawyer jerk. And you show up at the end of his funeral. How that's just, that's the most disrespectful shit I've ever heard in my entire life. Like Bombay, this guy did so much for you and you show up late to his funeral. My God. Luckily, Jan wasn't there. Okay. If Jan were there, he would have been so incredibly disappointed. So, okay.

So now we can get to the Jan and Hans thing. Jan is not there. They don't like how I teach you. So for that so he's not at his own brother's funeral we haven't had a mention of him at all during the third movie just like we had in D2 there was a very brief mention of Hans at the very beginning and then nothing else

so like obviously there was a scheduling conflict in D2 where Hans, Joss Ackland, RIP, just passed away a couple months ago. Where he wasn't available to do D2, right? Scheduling conflict, something happened. So they brought in Jan Rubel to play Jan. But they just – I get that.

That makes perfect sense to me. But you can't just ignore it you know we gotta acknowledge like they did in D2 D2 they did a fine job because they acknowledged it right off the bat and then we moved on so easy enough right easy peasy no problem

but now now we need to acknowledge Yon we can't just forget Yon exists and why the fuck would he not be at his brother's funeral? You know what you do? I've got a solution. You know what you do? You don't even need to show him on camera.

You have somebody just mention him. Like, oh, Jan's over there grabbing, setting up something. You just mention him. Well, I was going to say, I like to think that jan was having some passport issues and um couldn't get back into the country as as early as the funeral you think he went back to the the motherland yep and and i think that you think they just trade off motherland you you hit it you hit the nail on the head brandon they're just they've got a nice brotherly rotation. I mean, might have been visiting

some distant family. Sometimes it's nice to just go home, Brandon. Kind of feel the vibes of home. Get back to your roots. That's fair. What's the country song? Something about my roots. Something in boots.

That's a very famous song. What's it? I got friends in love. friends okay there we go i was trying to figure out where i was going there it's uh just just bringing the listeners on the journey of me trying to figure out what very famous song i was singing but so like they should have at least mentioned him if they couldn't have got him just a little came just show them in the like the brief little like clip they have while bombay's walking up just have him fucking stand there bring him in because we we know for sure oh hey i wait hold on could you imagine if they showed just like a quick still of him and like lederhosen like doing

a thumbs up on vacation just yawn and lederhosen doing a thumbs up but it's it's a so the actor is uh yon rubles alive he doesn't he doesn't pass away until 2009 so he's alive during the shooting of this film could easily brought him in for a small little cameo right and we've we established um a game changers that yawn is still alive yon hasn't passed the character hasn't passed away yet in these movies because yon is the the original owner of the ice palace and he gives it to bombay after he passes away which isn't until like right before game changers right yeah so that's right there's just you know granted a like the game, the game changers thing we can kind of forget about. But you need to we need they needed to have mentioned Jan at some point during this movie, especially at the goddamn funeral of his brother.

Yeah, like in the Bombay speech, he could have said like Jan couldn't make it here. Exactly. Even if he is, like you said, out in Scandinavia, the motherland mentioned that. You know? Jan is back home. This stupid bastard didn't keep his passport up to date. And you can't. No rush passport renewals in the motherland at that time.

I get that, like, D2 replacing Hans was probably, probably like a last second thing that they had to rush to do and then him being available for D3 was probably like a great oh sweet now we can bring Hans back so not everything's planned out ahead of time there's a lot of moving parts but you gotta you gotta at least throw a mention

in there or something you know this is probably I again this is one of the probably many things that only I care about um but it really it was driving me crazy 90% of the people by the time this movie came out

after D2 didn't give a shit about Jan and probably just like completely overlooked it I imagine most people didn't realize it was two different people especially the kids yeah it's like wait wait who is that guy again in the middle one but i i think i think because i i they should have brought i think that was a golden a missed opportunity a golden opportunity to bring yon and hans back in d3 because i feel like they're both i feel like they there could have been a scene or two

of some real like you know like brother you know brotherly teasing but you know because they're both they're both jokesters i feel like we could have brought in you could have had some good comedic relief with with han and yon I feel like that would have been great. Well, Brandon, I will just – You know, there's another goddamn spinoff, Heath, for us, for our Mighty Ducks cinematic universe, is we do a prequel of when Hans and Jan start the skate shop. We cast a younger Hans and Jan, and we, yeah. Write that down. That's money. That's money.

At the end of season two is, like, there's a little bit of friction because Jan goes out on a limb and gets the Ice Palace. Well, so that's another thing I don't know about is with them kind of, you know, mentioning Jan and the Ice Palace. Does he, he doesn't own it currently in D3, right? I feel like that's a later on thing. Yeah, so the prequel

would have nothing to do with the Ice Palace. That would have been fun, though. At the end of season 2 or 3, though, is Hans comes back to the skate shop and he goes, Yon, there's this little fucking 8-year-old kid out there named after two gins and he's fucking tearing up the scene you're never gonna believe it yeah something like that let's put him to work because his dad died well well no i i feel like at the i'm just i'm just

kidding you you you have you have his dad die in the middle of like season four right yeah and then that's when you get that's when like the dad dies but so like at the end of season two you know this is what at the end of season two you have mr bombay gordon's dad walks into the skate shop right oh and then hans and him become like best buds and then like season four season five that's when he passes away this is money we're doing this this is this is almost as good as the trinidad and tobago movie the trinidad and tobago movie of their come up is get oscar worthy i can only imagine yeah so that that's that's our spin-off movie

hans's skate shop with with a young han and Jans or Jan, yeah Jan and Hans that's like an HBO or not HBO it'd be Disney Plus that's a Disney Plus series though that's a good six season series but I will end the funeral with this

Brandon because Bombay hits us with a fantastic line just you know it cuts to the front it it moved me brandon it just it touched it touched my cold black heart and he said every time you touch the ice remember it was hans who taught us to fly so i had another note about that um do you think they quacked to end the funeral? Quack. Quack. Quack.

Quack. Quack. Jesus. Get it? Because they had a funeral? No. Okay. They said the Lord's Prayer.

Do you think that would ever fly this day and age? At a funeral? No, on TV. Like in a movie. I think they would just like people talk about jesus people talk about jesus all the time and like every fucking movie he's like the like the foot washing commercial i mean you could be on a boy i mean listen if i'm gonna advertise jesus i can tell you which way i'm not gonna go like 10 out of 10 like if if they would have come to consult the cake eaters like all right hey he cake eaters we're gonna do a commercial for jesus where do you think we should

go i'm and i would be like listen i can tell you this we're not gonna go with the washing the feet piece because there's way too many foot stuff people going on i'm gonna tell you one thing right now yeah i don't i couldn't believe that i was like i get it because i went to church enough as a kid but those uh poor marketing thought like it just i don't know that that that organization i don't know i i can't remember what that organization is for but there's that jesus would have liked that commercial i guess that's what i thought i was like you know i don't know if i'd like them doing me like that i don't think jesus would like a lot of stuff that people do in his name that's true that's a good point that's a good point like i mean but who are we to talk i guess that's true but like i just i don't know i never met him so seems seems like he could be chill though though. Water into wine? Making a whole bunch of food for people? He seems like a not chill guy.

For sure. He definitely burns. He definitely burns. Dude, that's a shirt. Jesus burns. All right. We just lost some listeners with all this blasphemy but my note about

Bombay's little thing is again Hans was an ND too the new ducks don't know Hans if they do it's been they know him for three months since they've gotten here they don't they didn't Hans didn't teach Julie the cat how to fly.

If anything, Jan did, but Jan barely did that either. Do you think that on the side, yeah, I don't know. Maybe they, because they flew back to Minnesota together. They did their training in Minnesota. Like maybe Hans came back before they left for California. You don't know that. And then he was just so tired and then he was so tired from his travel

that he was like hey listen you strudel head you gotta go out there and whip Bombay into shape I've got jet lag like you couldn't fucking believe like go get his shit together you gotta finally do something I don't think that happened I don't go get his shit together like you gotta finally do something

i don't think that happened i don't i don't think the new ducks knew hans very well at all unless it's one of those things where like because i mean he is the minnesota miracle spirit guide right so maybe it's one of those things where like they came into minnesota they got introduced to hans and it was just like he's just one of those people where it's just like instantly you're like oh dude you know like some kind of spiritual connection with hans right away he is a spirit guide so i don't know but that that just threw me off a little bit because it's like they i think that contributes to uh how some people didn't realize it was two different people because in d3 they treat it like he's the same fucking guy

that was in all three movies. They don't acknowledge Jan. So it's like, oh, maybe he was in all three. Well, Brandon, do you feel better? About what? Getting that off your chest. Do you feel better now? No, I never feel better.

There's not a single point in my life where i've ever felt better there's just too much hate running through your bones i'm not even that big of a hater it's just when we when we dissect stuff 10 minutes at a time stuff comes up okay oh it's my absolute favorite you know i'm uh i'm what you would call passionate he's passionate whenever you gotta tell yourself brandon okay so then we get to the next scene and i just i didn't know how i felt about this at first, but how do you feel about Charlie being passed out in his bed, Bombay coming back, sneaking into his room, setting his alarm for 6 a.m.,

and then being there when it goes off? So my question was, how did Charlie not sense him on the end of the bed? Because he's sitting on the end of his bed. Yeah, just horrifying survival. That's what I thought too, right? I hated this scene, actually. I thought this was insane.

So you snuck in, set my alarm that was not previously set for 6 a.m., which you have to press the buttons too. Did someone give Charlie a horse tranquilizer to knock? Listen, Charlie's real but butt hurt about Han's death. Maybe he snuck in while Charlie wasn't there.

Do you think they crushed up some Ambien and put it in a pudding and gave it to Charlie before bed? No, no, no. They drugged him? I'm imagining after the funeral, right? Because this is still when he's being a little so after the funeral i'm imagining he he bailed he left right he's just out wandering by himself and bombay went back to hang out with casey talk it up with casey have a cup of coffee after the funeral oh yeah okay i'm sure bombay had a cup of coffee somebody just died he's okay

dude have you seen what what's that what's the movie um wedding crashers will ferrell's character what's he do is that wedding crashers it is wedding crashers but he's uh he picks the the ladies up at a funeral brandon that's what he does those are like adjacent ladies those aren't ladies who knew the minnesota miracle man you know i'm just saying miracle spirit guide i'm just saying brandon i'm just saying whatever okay but that's what i'm assuming is he is bombay went to charlie's house and charlie was off being a little bitch and he was like you know what i got a great idea so he set the alarm while he was gone it's like listen to this casey i'm gonna get that little shithead yeah and i'll be here at 5 30 so you gotta have your ass up too well do you think he stayed the night

no no he wouldn't have stayed now and i'm just i feel like charlie would have been it wouldn't have been uh he would have been more suspicious if Bombay was spending the night. But I guarantee you Casey Conway is up at 5.30 in the morning because she does the morning shift at the diner. Oh, the diner. Yeah. Good point. That shit's probably open at 7 a.m.

Serving breakfast. Oh, dude. That diner opens at 6. That diner's open at 6, dude. I used to go to a diner in savannah all the time that's savannah we're talking twin cities here we're on midwest time like if everything's a little slower we're strolling to work oh my god yeah you could not be more wrong like if you are if you are waking up and sleeping in past six, like, oh, my God. Dude, like, if you sleep in past 8 a.m., you may as well just call it a day

because you just wasted it. Wasted the whole fucking day sleeping. Yep. Jesus, Brandon. Get it together. Oh. So, yeah. 8 a.m. diner opening.

My God. I said 7 7 even worse that's perfectly fine for a breakfast establishment to open not diners not a diner in the midwest I could tell 6am bright and early you get the old men coming in

sipping on coffee I'm gonna go to the tape here what are you what are you saying like what is the average opening time for diners in America no

is that what you googled I'm going cause I'm going to where is it is this it cause the the diner she works at is a legit fucking diner

well brandon let me just tell you this do do a little vamping instead of just sitting there in silence while i look this up let me just tell you this geez don't god don't talk to me like that we're about to have some real words here but anyways so 6 a.m i didn't even set the alarm i did figure we spend the day together thought we get an early start go away hans is gone it's like hey man i know you're having a hard time and i understand but you know not a day goes by don't think about you and the ducks and charlie says it the ducks are dead bombay you motherfucker orion split us up and he you know you left us just a real jerk he's like orion maybe you don't know the whole story and my favorite moment when bombay flips charlie up

out of the mattress he's like get dressed Just a full mattress flip. My God, that's fantastic. And then we catch some early morning ice skating, little waltz in the background. Fantastic. Mickey's diner is open 24-7, by the way, just in case you were

still wondering. Wow. So you couldn't have been more wrong, Brandon. How am I more wrong than you were? You said 6 a.m. I said 7 a.m. We're both wrong. It's 24-7.

Because I was earlier. It's the closest without going over. Yeah. Wow. Where are we going over? That's the key point here i don't know we both are we are we coming midnight if we're coming midnight then we're both what we both went over brandon number one i win this is like no big this is like big daddy like the game that

he plays with the kid what are we playing i win get it have you ever seen that movie i have the fact that you would bring up uh a cole sprouse dylan sprouse movie on this podcast though is unbelievable what was what is your beef with those twins i mean i was never the sweet life is zach and cody was after my time and so whenever it would come on I'd always be like a lot better options anyway just wasn't for me but yeah this is where we get the background of Coach Orion

and it is just again where I have issues with Bombay okay because he talks to Charlie he's talking to Charlie and he says maybe you don't know the whole story this should have happened after maybe press conference this should happen after the press conference this conversation hey bombay maybe you fucking tell him the whole story i couldn't believe it like that was the first thing i thought of when this happened i was like

why you literally pulled him aside after the press conference it was like hey man bad news i'm bailing but you get this other guy finish the story don't like leave it like you know i know we had to do it for the movie or whatever but jesus christ bombay like if you ask this context maybe the team like and charlie in particular won't be such a little fucking shit yeah well the worst part is he he later on he's talking later on he's talking about how he and orion had a whole conversation about charlie and how charlie changed his life and all this and it's like if you're gonna go to that links with orion tell charlie the whole fucking story too let's get let's get everybody on the same goddamn page

Bombay oh my god it just and like you know it also like it was a real bummer like that kind of stuff had to happen with Coach Orion like listen I don't want to get new doctors don't want to have to do the transportation like with that

type of like traumatic injury you know couldn't just ship her to dallas back in the mid 90s you know yeah yeah and i'm uh they don't mention it but i'm assuming based on the way bombay told that story that he's a single father right yep yep and that's that's what they didn't say it but that's i made a note i was like they never mention it but it sounds like the wife died yeah or she bailed or something yeah. I was like, they never mention it, but it sounds like the wife died. Yeah. Or she bailed or something. Women tend to do that.

Brandon. Jeez. Women be shopping, Heath. Stop. Alright. Charlie is like, we thought he was just a washed up bully who couldn't hack it. Oh, he can hack it, Charlie.

But he never regretted his decision taking care of that sweet baby girl. It was adorable on her little wheelchair. Yeah, it looked like they were having fun. Yeah. I like that she still had skates on too. It's an authentic experience, Brandon.on yeah that's what i'm saying yeah you gotta feel the feel the the rhythm feel the ride on your feet wow she probably get on up it's bobsled time i was gonna say she she could feel the the ice on her skates but she probably can't feel her feet brandon just i'm just saying she's in a wheelchair she's probably can't feel her feet

i i know brandon i know thank you for pointing out the absolute obvious um i get i get where she's coming from okay my mom's dead too. I get it, Heath. Don't pull out your dead mom card to try and garner sympathy with the listeners right now. I'm not going to let you leverage that. You know how many NHL tryouts and gigs my dad gave up, Heath?

So many. This is just a legend in denver you guys shouldn't heard about you guys don't even know about the axe man he was the best best hockey player denver had to offer before the accident i would actually i would you need to write a movie now i just gave you an idea for a movie you gave me an idea for this movie i can't rewrite this movie that's true we can you can do a spinoff it's it's in the universe again we do a do a brandon spinoff you just described one of the most popular movies in the world there there's your movie brandon just rewrite that nobody nobody will know no listen like at this point everyone it that is a college professor has plagiarized their way to that like i just i don't trust anybody i did like bombay's greg brady joke because everyone had that same greg brady haircut

my dad had that haircut. Same. Every person that grew up in that era that has that yearbook picture has the same fucking haircut. It's really good stuff. And then you don't want me to read through the whole speech that Bombay gives Charlie about like... This is the highlights where he calls him you know, he tells him that it was the best thing that ever happened to him. Yeah, it's like I told old Ryan

when I was taking over that you were the heart of the team and you would learn something from each other. I told him that you were the real Minnesota Miracle Man. Yeah. And then little Joshua Jackson acting from each other. I told him that you were the real Minnesota Miracle Man. And then little Joshua Jackson acting chops at their finest, Brandon,

like the tears in his eyes. Just wait till Dawson, dude. Wow. What a journey. And then we get Bombay and Charlie pulling up because before every fucking ducks renaissance what do we need brandon we need some street ball yeah some some schoolyard puck brandon

we get soul skating we get a yeehaw from our boy cowboy duane to kick it off and we have uh you know they they come over and and they're like listen well first before that goldberg is like hey that doesn't count that's below the belt do you did you get that part on the subtitles i was like ah goldberg let in another one making excuses again classic goldie yeah you know what you know what would have been a great and a great cameo that they should have worked in here is they should have had fucking james here yeah you know like visiting russ yeah that would have been that would have been a nice callback what do you think about russ's ducks jersey that he had on for the schoolyard puck that was tight it was tight yeah that's what i thought i thought that was a super sick little uh spin-off jersey

that he had and then we get we get a hockey montage with the one and only Space Hog. Some street puck, some schoolyard puck, everybody's. Like we said with D2, we're learning to love the game again. We've gotten the. We get Banks back. I don't know if you saw him in the montage. Oh, yeah, yeah. I like how they put Bombay in the trash can and then they dump the trash can on Goldberg.

Well, they put Bombay in the trash can and then they put Charlie in the trash can. And then Charlie goes, here, try this on Goldberg. And then fucking slams it on him. Poor Goldberg, man man a lot of a lot of trash can action with the to to finish up this well yeah i mean you can't if you can't have you can't have a schoolyard puck with their little trash cans you know yeah that's like having like

a like a dystopian movie without a trash can on fire you got to have it you know it's got to be there the trash the trash can is essential to the schoolyard puck experiences yeah i mean listen just ask duke the dumpster drosy from wwf in the 90s do you remember uh do you remember the goon who was the goon i forget who it was but he he had like a knockoff New Jersey Devils jersey. And he'd wear like hockey pants. And he'd just come down with gloves and the hockey stick. There were so many

terrible... Insane, schtick... Terrible gimmicks. Bill Irwin was his name. He is the brother of the late Steve? yeah

Scott Irwin not Steve world class championship wrestlers WCW yeah that was some ridiculous gimmicks that was one of them for sure the goons yeah yep classic stuff but yeah that's uh that's how we kind of we end the episode with the phoenix

first being born from the ashes as we get that schoolyard we get back to our roots exactly you got to tear it down before you can build it back up. And the street is the perfect place to do that. Yeah. You know, you gotta, you gotta find that passion, find that love for the game.

That's how you play defense. Exactly. But you know, having James to be there, just like visiting, you know, just, Oh,

I'm just visiting Russ for the weekend or whatever that would have been a nice little time because I mean he James was James is we all know James is the true hero of D2 without James you don't have the company you know yeah I mean you know

but that's you gotta you gotta think about lodging you gotta think about airfare you know it's just that's a that's a difficult gotta, you gotta think about lodging. You gotta think about airfare. You know, it's just, that's a, that's a difficult sell for James to just come out of the woodwork. Well, yeah, but I mean, I would imagine he's going to visit his brother at least once. Right. Who knows? That's fair.

Maybe. Do you think he can afford the plane ticket and the hotel? I think Bombay could. Thank you. you