The Cake Eaters - 92. American Outlaws

Episode Date: September 10, 2024

Heath & Brandon shift to other movies outside of the Ducks Universe, starting with 2001's American Outlaws. The boys talk about their love for Cowboy Dwayne, the romanticization of Jesse James..., killing Yankees, the wild inaccuracies of this film, and just how of the early 2000s this movie feels. Follow us on Instagram @thecakeeaterspod Email us at thecakeeaterspod@gmail.com

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Starting point is 00:00:00 It's not worth winning if you can't win! Yeah! Bad boys, bad boys. you're gonna do what you're gonna do when they come for you bad boys bad boys what you're gonna do what you're gonna do when they come for you bad boys bad boys what you're gonna do what you're gonna do when sheriff john brown comes for oh did you know that was a lyric yeah comes for you who's sheriff john brown i have no idea i once in nebraska john brown's cave is a cave um for like the underground railroad coming up from missouri interesting into nebraska interesting speaking of westerns did you see that for today's podcast brandon i got my john wayne coffee cup says courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyways and that's how i feel doing this podcast as hungover as i am it's nice i got i got my lsu mug apparently john brown is a very i don't know
Starting point is 00:01:29 if he's i don't know if he's a real person but sheriff john brown is the sheriff that's referenced in uh i shot the sheriff by bob marley oh okay uh there's also a sheriff john brown song by the corral maybe that's just like if you're writing a song about uh cops you also a sheriff john brown song by the corral maybe that's just like if you're writing a song about uh cops you just throw sheriff john brown in you know yeah yeah real kind of just you know steve smith you know exactly kind of very generic uh name title there yeah brandon tell the people why was i singing bad boys uh because he's uh wait what was the tagline bad is good again yeah bad is good again that's why he that's why bad is good again we today we're talking about the 2001 2001 yeah um classic american outlaws he's stalling stalling starring colin farrell ally larder and then one of our our faves of all time scott khan who
Starting point is 00:02:36 there's that to your con and not do a Khan yell. He tasks me, Brandon. He tasks me. There's that Khan. And then also Scott Khan is the son of James Khan from our infamous rollerball episode. Yeah. I mean, my God, you know, we fucking love some nepotism here on the podcast. Just a family of thespians family of uh thespians he's yep stone cold thespians but the the main reason we're doing american outlaws is because uh our other boy our main boy uh duane is cowboy
Starting point is 00:03:17 cowboy duane of course cowboy duane is in a movie called american outlaws it's fantastic i think i thought he did great like what what we did what would you kind of score his overall performance like i think as like his character which was just to be one of the writers with the fattest fattest fucking jaw of lip like just the you want to talk about upper deckers like for the boys dude he had the fattest wad of chewing tobacco in his cheek at all time like that was like an old school back in the day when they had a baseball in their fucking cheek dude yeah it was unbelievable like that was that was the most char i think i've ever seen in the side of a mouth. I've seen more.
Starting point is 00:04:06 Really? What's his face from Rookie of the Year? Brinkman? The scene from Sandlot, they were packing heat there. Brinkman, remember when he wraps the bubble coming around his big old jaw?
Starting point is 00:04:21 That was my favorite part of the Dwayne, his whole character. It's all I could think about every time they showed him. I was like, my God, he has the biggest fucking dip in. I wonder what they use as a prop for his dip. Maybe just bubble gum, Big League Chew or something. I guarantee you he wasn't using a prop. I guarantee you he was packing real chew. he was like his i i guarantee you he was
Starting point is 00:04:45 packing real chill he's not oh oh oh he's he's a method actor well he's a he's like a legit cowboy um i mean that's true oh yeah here's a here's a i just got a google imaged a photo of him in the movie and fucking cheek dude it's just fucking i told you it was it was literally my number one takeaway it was the number one thing that i wanted to talk about today i was like it was i i saw it and i was like my god duane's character's whole shtick in the movie is he is a support and he does great he's a great support right and he's like hey jesse you know we sure we should be doing this y'all and then he goes uh he's he's he at first he's not he's not too thrilled with sharing the money he wants to keep it um but then he comes around you know but no
Starting point is 00:05:39 yeah he does great he does great they become robin hood uh they like cross jesse james with robin hood they took a lot of liberties with the story they took a lot of liberties and a lot of historical inaccuracies because we can get once they start robbing banks we can get to that um yeah about how none of none of none of those deposits are federally insured he's so they're not stealing they're not they're not stealing railroad money they're stealing or people. Or the fact that they fucking were not even close to the right environment for the movie. Like, they shot it. They said it was in Missouri, but, like, it was desert the whole time.
Starting point is 00:06:18 Well, I mean. Missouri is not desert. No, it deserves to be a desert, though. Well, I'm not saying anything. They weren't in missouri the entire time the majority of the time or they were fighting the civil war in the south like they they said i just found looked it up too they shot it in texas hill country and so that makes sense but like missouri does not look like texas hill country the banks they're robbing are all over that area, though.
Starting point is 00:06:46 They went into Arkansas. They went into Texas. They weren't just in Missouri. Missouri was where they were based. They're crossing state lines for sure. I'll allow it. I just thought that they did a poor job with scenery. The only reason I'm allowing it is because that's what Missouri deserves.
Starting point is 00:07:12 Wow. Wow. job with uh scenery i'll the only reason i'm allowing it is because that's what missouri deserves wow wow this is this is like you know son-in-law shooting a movie in south dakota in november with no snow same same parallel for me um but yeah but but ty ty ronald is great um he plays uh it's cleo right cleo miller is that his name oh dude fucking nailed that just right off the dome didn't even didn't even look it up cleo miller yeah but he's one of the gang members yeah um he's kind of he's like what sixth seventh in line seventh in line something like that um something like that i'm gonna pull my i don't know how i don't know how strict strict their hierarchy is but uh i mean that scott khan and colin farrell those were kind of the two that was the hierarchy it was those two and then everyone else kind of james and the younger you know james younger gang you know i did not realize frank james was suits guy like he does not look like suits guy at all in this movie it was a goatee a goatee will fuck your face up i guess like my god he did not look like Suits Guy even in the slightest.
Starting point is 00:08:28 That's how they talk about, like, how facial hair is like a man's makeup because it completely changes how your face looks. This is a prime example right here. Oh, my God. If I ever have to shave my beard i will look terrible like it's too late it's gone you know like i haven't been clean shaven in a lot so actually the last time i went like clean shaven was during covid like the very beginning of covid when i did a mustache like everybody else was doing um but uh outside of that i haven't been clean
Starting point is 00:09:06 shaven since i think i was clean shaven for the zillow interview yeah um but i think that was the last time i was like clean shaven jesus that's been a minute i know i need to trim it down though it's getting it's getting homeless looking you're getting unruly people are gonna start you know crossing the street when they see you and flapjack walking down it's like this guy's looking a little sketchy they already do that because flapjack barks at our neighbors just got a new puppy bingo he is fantastic but he is gonna be enormous what kind of what kind of pup is he the street street, just from the streets, dude. For the streets, from the streets, dude. Just a straight up street dog.
Starting point is 00:09:48 They think maybe like a healer. They think maybe like a... Looks like it might have like a shepherd in it maybe, but it's all black. Oh. Yeah. It's going to look kind of like a wolf. Wolves aren't typically black, but okay.
Starting point is 00:10:06 Black wolf. Those are usually the lone ones, the ones that die off pretty quick. Yeah, well, because they can't blend into their surroundings. Exactly. You can't hug and pray. So good luck, bingo. It's real rough i watched the i watched the soccer game over there the other uh yesterday and uh got to watch one of the in some of the introduction to the cats he learned pretty
Starting point is 00:10:33 quick you know he's even as a puppy he learned pretty quick like you know what i'm not gonna go like get in barbara ann's face because she's gonna she's gonna fuck my world up you got to do it when they're puppies because that way they learn quick because like if you if you do it later they they don't learn you know can't can't teach an old dog new tricks or you could be poor josie and just for some reason catch the catch strays from cat jesse all the time for no reason well i'm serious all right that seems like jesse's fault i mean oh dude I mean is a fucking menace well I mean it makes sense he is named after the you know
Starting point is 00:11:10 most notorious gang member gang leader in all of America I did you we talked about this offline Brandon but this it just it is the full embodiment and epitome of the movies that were
Starting point is 00:11:28 getting just pumped out in the early 2000s like movies were getting pumped out like crazy and they were just cheesy and terrible and it just this encaptures all of it like colin farrell playing a cowboy who thought that it's like he's an outlaw he's not a cowboy he's an outlaw still the southern outlaw it just i don't know i just did you find him believable in that character i just couldn't no no okay i was like oh my god they can't get past it. Like, Colin Farrell is Jesse James. At the very beginning, even like the whole Civil War battle, like I thought that it was going to start out and I was like, okay, this seems legit. And then I was like, oh my god. That devolved pretty quick. It devolved so fast.
Starting point is 00:12:22 They really went out of their way to to romanticize jesse and make yankees look like fucking losers yeah they really did like like what a weird concept in today's age right or they kind of made it's early it's it's the the early 2000s kind of stuff where you have the hero and the hero in order to get you to root for the the hero you know air quotes the hero of the movie he can't you know he can't do anything wrong he's got to be on the right side of everything so they paint they paint the yankees as if there's some sort of fucking uh invaders yeah like what's what is it they go back to missouri the, after the, the surrender or whatever. And there's like union soldiers in the city and they,
Starting point is 00:13:09 what did they say? They didn't say, Oh guys, we're in occupied territory or some shit. Yeah. Yeah. Which I mean, I guess technically correct, but I mean, it's a weird way to, to, to paint this. I mean, to be fair, it's how they would have felt back then yeah yeah yeah it was yeah it just and all of the the so that that that i can kind of let's look because it's how they would have felt and all the yankee talk is pretty i imagine would be pretty accurate to their sentiments
Starting point is 00:13:38 uh but it was just there's still it was it was, yeah. But it was just so weird to have it painted like that because it's a complete 180 of what you're used to. Oh, my God. Especially now, right? Could you imagine if this movie came out now? People would be like, Colin Farrell loves racism. They are glamorizing the southern army if they made this movie now they wouldn't mention anything about the north south Yankees
Starting point is 00:14:10 or rebels they would have just started after the war they would have just started after the war and like started up like the gang because in the war they didn't technically fight for either side right they were they were a guerrilla unit a guerr side right like they were they're much like it was they were
Starting point is 00:14:25 a guerrilla uh unit a guerrilla unit so they were just they were just they weren't a part of the the southern army they were just mobbing around killing yankees dude yeah they were literally just mobbing around the country killing as many people as they could for the oh it's that it was so fucking it was it took me a little bit to get used to especially when kathy bates jumps in on it oh my the dude the the scene where they get they get home and she's giving everybody she's forcing everybody to eat dinner and they're all they're all like hey mom what are you feeding the native american for that's not like you and she goes well god told me that he's a christian and he
Starting point is 00:15:05 killed a bunch of yankees so he's a good boy in my eyes i was like what i i mean how progressive of her to feed the the native american i was gonna say like hey you know one of us that that scene fucking had me on the floor dude i was uh i i just i mean anyways it it's fine like like even the like even the conversations brandon like when at the opening scene right and they come running up to the boulder and they're all like running up and they're sitting behind the boulder and they've got the goofy brother with the flipped up hat lid and it's like it like it starts out and you're like what is this conversation that they're having right now it's the cheesiest nonsensical just like whatever i've ever seen and then jesse's gotta come see him the day brandon and he's like what's he he goes oh why don't you say you needed a distraction i can do that
Starting point is 00:16:11 oh my god and his distraction is literally like he just runs out yeah he would have been shot a thousand times like like i know the accuracy was bad but you can't just be one person running against like 50 and not catch one stray until the very end where they just barely get your ear you know they okay we got we got to talk about that see that scene where he gets shot is my favorite scene in the entire movie because it's in the middle of his distraction he's he takes the horse just runs straight up into the middle of uh the theats there, the Yankees, and he hops the little hill or whatever they're on. So he starts shooting people, killing a bunch of people, and then he has a gun that runs out of ammo. So he throws it.
Starting point is 00:17:02 He throws it, and it hits one of the soldiers in the head, knocks his gun out of his hand. Then he turns around and gets shot by another guy, and like you said, just grazes his ear. He falls down, and then he does the fucking Shawn Michaels WWE kickup where he pops back up onto his two feet. He pulls out the double barrel guns he pulls out the double barrel guns pointed at the dude who shot him and there's they have like a stare down
Starting point is 00:17:32 for a good like five seconds and then he hits him with the uh go on get it and you know what that shows how good of a person he is he's because he did not kill that guy he killed he killed 600 other people but he didn't kill that guy i everything about that whole like it just anyways it doesn't matter it's it's it's the sean michaels kick up was amazing though that was that was perfect that was so that was very early 2000s i feel like that was in like every movie was a fucking sean michaels kick up it was just like they they just stretched everything a little bit further right like and and and they over modernize the storylines a little bit oh they cut out every single bad part about the gang yeah they cut out all of the bad stuff, and then they, and then they made up all the stuff that they never gave money back to
Starting point is 00:18:26 anybody. No, that's a, they just crossed streams with Robin hood. They're like, Hey, let's, let's,
Starting point is 00:18:31 let's make, let's make Jesse James into fucking Robin hood and see how this works. That's what they did. Like, you know what I mean? Like some director is probably like, yo, I gotta just fucking yacked up in the bathroom with like two producers
Starting point is 00:18:46 just fucking you know nose candied galore so dude i've got the best idea what if we turn jesse james into fucking robin hood and then they made the movie he's like guess who it's gonna be too colin barrel uh i love it so and so after we do you have anything else to say about this insane battle because after they battle the battles the battle yeah that's pretty much it for the battle that fucking scene and then uh and then they head home yeah and then so they they win the battle as they're like leaving the battle every they run across like more southern soldiers that are just slowly walking and they're like what happened and they're like oh that that rat bastard uh general lee fucking surrendered what a pussy
Starting point is 00:19:32 yeah and they're like oh well i guess we better go home time to time to mosey on home to good old z that's the other thing they zerelda is a dope name we need to bring that name back fun fact that was the name of his wife but it was also the name of his mother jesse james yeah ma james is real in real life her name was zerelda do you ever find that weird like people that marry significant others with the name same name as a parent i mean for a common name like mary i wouldn't think twice about it but for zerelda it raises some questions that's that's what i was thinking um but yeah and so yeah then they go home and what are they they're working on the farm that's the other thing they turn
Starting point is 00:20:19 jesse james into just a aw shucks corn farmer. Yeah, and he was definitely not that. He'll be mauling the farm, and then the big bad bank basically uses eminent domain. The railroad uses eminent domain to seize the lands.
Starting point is 00:20:39 There's no good guys in this movie. So you got banks, you got railroad tycoons and you got Pinkerton. Yeah. And all like trifecta of bad guys in the wild West. Right. Like it was just the trifecta of the bad guys. And,
Starting point is 00:20:55 and Jesse is, it was literally, it's like, like, this is literally like, if you romanticize like gang feuds in LA, right? Like, everyone was wrong, but in order to make the one person you're trying to highlight not look like a complete psychopath, it's like, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:21:15 These guys are a little less bad. The leader of this gang is not quite as bad. Does the same amount of murder, but, you don't see it so it's fine look how handsome it is look at him ride this horse did you ever see um i forget what year it came out there is a really great jesse james movie though did you ever see uh the assassination of jesse james uh-uh it's with brad pitt brad pitt plays jesse james uh casey affleck's in it it's um it came out not too long after this i want to say like 2005 ish 2006 ish it's it's a fantastic fucking movie it's real slow and plotting um but it's it's amazing i
Starting point is 00:22:02 highly recommend it i usually don't do very well with slow movies just because I fall asleep yeah you would fall asleep in this movie for sure but the soundtrack the soundtrack is fucking amazing though Nick Cave does it you know Nick Cave right
Starting point is 00:22:19 rock and roll guy Nick Cave Nick Cave and the Bad Se seeds i believe is his band name great great artist look up nick cave um if nothing else um but yeah that's that's a good that's a good jesse james movie if you want to watch a jesse james movie because it's um it makes him look like this the fucking sociopath that he is. Yeah. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:22:46 I love that. Oh, sorry. Not to like just totally go on to a way different piece, but you mentioned it before and I wanted to comment on it. Cowboy Dwayne's character's name in this movie is insane. Cleo? Cleo. Cleo. I'm pretty sure that's a real guy.
Starting point is 00:23:04 C-L-E-L-L. That's a hard to say name, right? Like, is that Clell? Yeah, Clell Miller. Yeah, all of the names are actual people. They just did not depict it. They took a lot of liberties with the characters. I remember the Pinkerton thing just wildly different than it was portrayed here. You know what my favorite? What did you remember the Pinkerton thing just wildly different than it was portrayed here.
Starting point is 00:23:26 You know what my favorite – What did you remember the Pinkerton as? What did you think they were? No, I knew they were a gang, but I didn't – No, Pinkerton's not a gang. Pinkerton is a security agency. That's right. That's right.
Starting point is 00:23:40 The Pinkerton. No, because I always forget because i they always think of uh deadwood did you ever watch deadwood yeah and and so like whenever i think of the pinkertons i think of like deadwood and in like south dakota and like up there in like the mining areas but i'm sure they had you know stretch all over the place yeah they were they were everywhere but did you see that's what i always think of speaking of uh speaking of that tedwood is a great show it's so good um speaking of the pinkages you see who played alan pinkerton that's james bond bro timothy dalton what did you think like i thought that
Starting point is 00:24:18 was an interesting was pinkerton irish um i want to say he was i don't know about irish i know he was he was foreign i believe well i mean most everyone was at this time right like there's most everyone was an immigrant well i mean not far away oh he's scottish okay all right so i mean i guess i guess that does make sense i just i didn't realize pinkerton was um you know what i mean like and once again it's it's my fault because i just fully associate this stuff with deadwood which is which is another fully dramatized version with fucking wild bill and stuff right like it's not even close but that's what i'm referencing but anyways yeah clel clel kind of got me a little bit.
Starting point is 00:25:06 That's a wild name. But I guess I'd rather be Clell than Apple or one of the other dumb celebrity names. I was like, Apple? What are you talking about? Don't you remember when that happened? Who's? Was that Gwyneth? Was it?
Starting point is 00:25:24 I can't remember gwyneth paltrow's a fucking talk about maniacs oh yeah didn't she make a candle of like vagina smell or something oh yeah her uh goop her uh company is fucking wild a lot of pseudoscience and pyramid scheme shit going on in there i almost almost got a job there. Oh, really? Yeah, when I was like... Did you have to pay a whole bunch in? No. You have to like pay $20,000 to start working there?
Starting point is 00:25:53 No, no, no. But the salary was... I would have had to move to LA and the salary would not have been enough to live in LA. No. I would never. Like, Kelly always wants to move to California and you could just not have been enough to live in la no um i would never like kelly always wants to move to california and you could just not i want me enough oh dude i would i would in california
Starting point is 00:26:11 dude you would love certain parts of california you just gotta you gotta avoid the cities except for san diego san diego is legit um but stay away from la for sure you gotta go to like the like like santa barbara or like santa Monica. Listen, if psych has told me anything, Brandon, you do not want to go to fucking Santa Barbara. Do you know how many people get murdered in Santa Barbara? Like there's one a week. Well, I mean, one a week for eight years straight, Brandon. That's how many people I literally.
Starting point is 00:26:44 Sometimes there's two or three. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. eight years straight brandon that's how many people i literally sometimes sometimes murders sometimes there's two or three yeah exactly that's what i'm saying and you're trying to tell me to move to santa barbara as a fellow psych fan i cannot believe you know the murder rate it's crazy it makes you feel any better um they filmed in vancouver so psyched in yeah so technically vancouver that's why it's always like raining and fucking overcast when they're like it looks nothing like santa barbara that was one thing that i always like would say that's why that's always why they whenever they do uh because didn't they do a bunch of international episodes with Pierre Despreaux? And they just always went to Vancouver.
Starting point is 00:27:29 Yeah, they did. Save on the budget. Kelly always makes it – she's like, let me guess. Someone got murdered. I was like, yes. That's the whole point of the show. Do you do that with Law & Order, Kelly? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:46 I do love that show. Anyways, all right. So we go back home. Railroad is trying to railroad Ma James out of her land. This is where that phrase comes from, getting railroaded. Did they say they were going to give her three bucks an acre? Yeah. No, two bucks, gonna give her three bucks an acre or was it yeah yeah no two bucks i thought two bucks okay and then and then a dollar for something else i wonder how many acres she had i wonder if that would have been no they said they were undercutting
Starting point is 00:28:19 all of them oh my god wait i don't know dude what do you think in the deserts of missouri i don't know if that shit's worth and not nowadays i don't think that's worth two bucks an acre was it no it wasn't bob younger who was that was it lani where the when they're in the church and he's like my wife i came home from the war my brother and they stole my dog they took my dog yeah that's lani lani that was great oh that was too much i was just i was i don't know that was that hit that hit home that was too real they took my dog i was like oh no dude damn that's i mean you know it still happens to this day but still you know it's just it's i bet lonnie lonnie's got it all lonnie dies later right yeah he gets killed he gets shot i'm trying to remember yeah he doesn't
Starting point is 00:29:13 show up again right um no he gets i guess he gets shot he gets shot at the trap yeah um which i mean that was the most obvious trap in the history of the fucking world well yeah scott khan really fucked that up cold classic scott khan dude yeah classic tweeter dude two varsity blues characters in here tweeter and ali larder plays whipped cream she's the one that i thought was in the other movie, but she's not. What other movie? One of the other movies that we just did. Oh.
Starting point is 00:29:53 I don't know. It's been a while since we've done another movie. It's been. Yes. Yes. But it was one of the other movies. What was the last one we did was Green Room, right? Yeah. Or did we do one was Green Room, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:05 Or did we do one before that? I don't know. I don't even remember. It's all a blur. I can't believe you made me watch Green Room. Those dogs eating each other is so fucked up. Yeah. Those are probably Lonnie's dogs. Yeah. The dude that
Starting point is 00:30:21 plays the railroad tycoon guy, he was good. Yeah, I'm pretty insane. Who is that dude? That's, uh, oh, Raines. Thaddeus Raines is the character. Yeah. Um, and then Ronnie Cox is in this movie, dude.
Starting point is 00:30:49 Who? Ronnie Cox. um and then ronnie cox is in this movie dude who ronnie cox he's uh uh z's dad the he's the doc dr mims or whatever doc mims oh yeah what else is he in he's in uh robocop beverly hills cop is probably how you recognize him um totally he was in like he was in like every 80s movies every 80s movie he was in like total total recall although i think total recall is technically a 90s movie but but yeah he was on he was in everything he's in deep blue sea for like five seconds doesn't it doesn't even have a the whole love story between Z and Jesse was so weirdly done too I feel like it was poorly
Starting point is 00:31:32 established and they're just swimming in the ocean and she's like don't turn around there at the end and it's just like he's surrounded by all the cops yeah it was yeah i uh the other relationship i was not invested in at all not even in the slightest it was weird like it was it was awkward wait what is he like
Starting point is 00:31:57 at the beginning hold on i gotta pull it up it was a quote he calls her he calls her fat and old yeah oh my god hold on i found it i He says, hey there, you got big. I mean, you aged. What I mean is, in a good way, you got big and older. In a good way. In a good way. Nothing about that opening line was like, yeah, nice. I mean, it does establish that Jesse James, not a pedophile.
Starting point is 00:32:25 So that's good to know. He likes him well-aged. Yes, big and old. But that scene was great. And then when they're telling Z and Ronnie Cox thatnie cox that um um her brother and his son uh died in battle um and they're like trying to like um didn't it was weird because the the story they told i'm i'm sure they were lying the story they told was exactly what jesse Jesse James did at the battle that we saw. They were like, he got on the horse.
Starting point is 00:33:08 He ran in the middle. So that had to be a lie. But yeah, it was just real weird how they did that. They were trying to build him up as like a – he died heroically killing a bunch of yanks. But then Allie Larder has a good line where she goes well he still died you know he still died uh but yeah that was a really weird scene i couldn't tell if like because we don't we don't meet anybody that dies in that battle it would make that scene would make sense if we had met that guy before the battle and then he died in the battle um it was real weird there i
Starting point is 00:33:47 guarantee you there's a there's a cut scene where we meet that guy and he dies in the battle and they just cut it out because that's that story doesn't make any fucking sense i mean this i literally was like 35 minutes into this movie and i was starting to do the check of like how much longer do we have left of this bad boy it's it's it goes on for a while once he uh once i got to florida i was like this is gonna be this has got to be fucking over by now but uh they kept going the crazy thing is only like 90 minutes. It's not a long movie. It just felt long. Which is the worst thing you want someone to describe your movie as.
Starting point is 00:34:34 It's like, well, it's only 90 minutes, but it felt much longer. It's not a good sign-off on your movie that you've created. No. a that's not a good you know sign off on your movie that you've created you know um but yeah yeah but like like we mentioned before they took a lot of fucking liberties with jesse james and like how everyone was like excited to get robbed by him well so that's the thing i wanted to mention about the the so jesse james and the james younger gang, when they're doing all of this stuff in real life, when they're doing all this stuff, it is years, decades before deposits become federally insured. And so he's going in there and he's stealing money from the bank. He's not – they're not stealing railroad money.
Starting point is 00:35:23 They're stealing money from the accounts of the not they're not stealing railroad money they're stealing money from the accounts of the people that live in that town yeah yeah they were stealing their money and giving it back to them like they were doing them well no they didn't give it back to those they the only people they gave in the movie the only people they gave it back to was the people in liberty oh that's true yeah because because then they would you know they went out and stole all the money from arkansas like everyone's money in arkansas brought it back to missouri but so that's why they yeah so so the uh they're stealing they're not stealing railroad money they're stealing these people's actual money and so that's why like in in real life they um when they when the james younger
Starting point is 00:36:01 gang came into town it was not a people weren't happy in the streets there were many towns that like rose up and tried to stop them from robbing the banks because it's like that's my money in there dude what are we doing could you imagine like if you were actually around that time and like you came back and and you were like they made a fucking psychopath murderer into a hero that stole my money like could you imagine someone like looking back like if they could see this now and just be like god damn it dude like they literally made a movie about some fucking psycho that killed my mom like killed my brother and stole all my money that dude killed everyone i ever knew and stole my fucking money bro yeah fuck that guy why does he have a movie why is colin farrell playing him what was the colin farrell movie where he was just
Starting point is 00:36:58 trapped in the fucking wasn't that him where he was just trapped in the phone booth oh i think it's called phone booth i was gonna say you'll never guess but it's called phone booth yeah i like that movie though that movie was pretty good uh with uh fucking keifer sutherland yeah i mean this is colin farrell here in the early 2000s man he was uh he was popular yeah yeah um a lot a lot of misses in the early 2000s He's really gotten a whole lot better Recently though He's been crushing it recently
Starting point is 00:37:31 Did you ever watch In Bruges? I haven't heard of it That one's really good And the sequel that came out a couple years ago That has a really long fucking title I don't know But that's a good one too He's great as Penguin That show's coming out soon it looks pretty tight did you see that the show they're
Starting point is 00:37:49 doing an hbo show for penguin oh no way yeah um i got into the um the fox one for a while gotham do you remember that one i watched a few seasons that i think i watched the first three or so it's got my uh my boy from the oc in it right yeah yeah yep he's uh he's detective gordon fucking love that dude man i gotta re-watch the oc what's his name ben mckenzie right yeah ben mckenzie if you still have my amazon login i think kelly bought like three of the seasons because they weren't on streaming they are on streaming i think they're on they weren't then um i think it's on streaming at least um i fucking love that show though dude me and danny used to do uh when we were living in five points we used to do oc wednesdays it's pretty tight it's good to have you know it's good to have scheduled fun time with you they did uh i saw uh on instagram uh rachel uh rachel bilson summer just uh threw a uh well i think she was behind it i don't know but it's it's like the 20th anniversary of when that
Starting point is 00:38:59 show came out so she threw a big party and she had fucking phantom planet play that's the the people who did the the theme song the band who does the theme song she got phantom planet to fucking play the theme song is amazing i mean that is pretty cool i just remember rachel bilson from her she had like a three episode run on chuck season one of chuck fantastic she crushes it dude i i so i watched a few episodes of that the other day it's it's not good but i love it like chucks yeah yeah i never i never got into chuck it's kind of like psych you know it's kind of like psych it's just so yeah those those like mid 2000s usa network shows i have a type but i have a better notice and yeah oh my god like the cheesier
Starting point is 00:39:47 the better like oh thank isn't this when the first transformer movies came out too like around this time probably well because because i feel like now they had shia labeouf but it was just like all these movies were i don't know the the 2000s had just a certain feel to the movies transformer was a little transformers 2007 a little bit later but a little bit later um because it would have been it wouldn't have had lincoln park it would have been a little cheesier i'm sure that that last scene that's the one my god that's the one thing this movie was missing was like a pop a popular song to like round it out you know like a um like a lincoln park or i'm trying to like 2001 i don't even know but uh yeah get a nickelback dude dude that would have been yeah just literally like he they could have named
Starting point is 00:40:47 it american outlaws because they did the nickelback did the spider-man song that was like 2003 i'm trying to think what what jams they had in 01 oh dude how you remind me came out no one you put how you remind me at the end of this at the end of this movie i'm all all in. I'm back in. Oh, dude. He got me. Singing it to Jesse. This is how you remind me of what I really am. Fucking Nickelback, man. You know who loves Nickelback? My parents. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:21 Oh, dude. I bet. I bet Big Mike's a big. Has Big Mike seen them in concert? no they they miss them by one day like three different years in Houston
Starting point is 00:41:33 we went to Chicago and Earth, Wind and Fire instead but they were really bummed when we missed Nickelback the first time next time Nickelback comes to Coloradoado i'm gonna buy buy some tickets for for me and big mike here okay okay all right so did you have any comments on like the like because it was all that this is the most depressing thing i've ever seen in my
Starting point is 00:41:58 life went to nickelback.com i clicked on tour no upcoming shows what are we doing nickelback they're letting they're letting creed get their shine their shining moment do you see people are starting to turn on creed again because they realize what a terrible person scott snap is oh is he because the people are like going to go back going to his concerts and they're like playing festivals and show and stuff and there's a bunch of uh i don't know if it's just my it's probably just my algorithm but there's a bunch of videos of people um at the shows like booing him because he he's because he's a terrible person this is why they got canceled in the first place because scott stapp fucking sucks as a person um so uh because he did some crazy interviews right yeah he's he's he's he's bonkers.
Starting point is 00:42:46 And he's just an asshole. And so now he's coming back and all these new all these youngins, all these kids that weren't there for the first go around are being like, wait, this guy fucking sucks. So they're like booing him at concerts and he's like yelling at him. And it's it's funny. History. History is a circle he it really is it really is um all right so back to um american outlaws so we ma getting kicked off the land we decide to start robbing everyone oh shit we haven't even talked about they they blow ma up oh yeah they literally
Starting point is 00:43:25 blow ma up that's wild yeah she does she does she does she does threaten to kill them and bury them in the in the on the farm though so you know if you're gonna if you're gonna talk that shit kathy you better be ready to back it up yeah some some might say it's self-defense what happened to her. That's what the railroad would say, that's for sure. Yeah, exactly. Can't fault them. Can't fault them. Oh, yeah, they try to hang Scott Kahn, too.
Starting point is 00:43:59 Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's right. When they – because I forget what happens. They go out and, like, he comes back. Wait, hold on right. When they – because I forget what happens. They go out and like he comes back. Wait, hold on. I found the – It's a quote somewhere. They go to him.
Starting point is 00:44:11 They go to – this is off camera, but they go to Scott Kahn and the younger farm to try to strong arm them just like they were doing with the James. And instead of just threatening them like the james family does uh i think he kills two of them right hold on i gotta i gotta bob comes bob younger comes he said cole lost his temper and he goes oh no well he just lost his temper a little and that's where jesse's like bob's bob's my fucking favorite dude how many of them did he kill Bob like their accents were not good like my accent of them is like not that far off
Starting point is 00:44:52 of how they spoke the whole fucking movie it might be who lost his tamper Bob's my fucking favorite how many of them did he kill Bob like Colin Farrell trying to be like a Missouri boy is just this wasn't a good fit
Starting point is 00:45:07 oh yeah yeah so they because then they try to hang him and then that's when they come and they raid the hanging and they they did the um what the um stampede with the horses and he came in and
Starting point is 00:45:23 then he took out Plinkerton Pinkerton what did I say oh Plink I was thinking you were thinking of like the game Plink right yeah yeah Plinko Plinko that's right um but yeah yeah they save uh
Starting point is 00:45:40 they save um Bob or not Bob Cole Cole Younger Bob's my favorite though bob's a fucking g dude uh you're you're talking about all the weird little fucking cheesy sayings he's got all of them he does most of them um yeah bob when they're like hiding behind the boulder i forget exactly what he says and they're like jesse says uh or they come up to him and they're like hiding behind the boulder. I forget exactly what he says. And they're like, Jesse says, or they come up to him and they're like, oh, what are you guys doing over here? And he's just some stupid shit. Like, oh, just, you know, drinking.
Starting point is 00:46:12 Just posted up back here thinking about staying the rest of my life or some shit like that. When he starts going crazy and they had to like, like they made crazy Bob. Oh, yeah. Because they didn't. They didn't. Nobody. Nobody remembered. Nobody remembered what he looked like and so his sketch looked insane and everyone else's was accurate um so i must i must not be making a a memorable performance at these fucking bank robins nobody remembers what else like oh my god and his his his the way he goes about it is great
Starting point is 00:46:46 and then when the when the younger brother died was the young jim jim younger is the youngest one that gets when they when he he gets shot as they're running away from the setup the one that was a setup. Right? Yeah. And then everyone does a terrible job of acting, of being sad. It was some of the worst sad acting I've ever seen, Brandon. Did you believe that any of the characters were sad when that kid was dying? No, but that's just because he was a weird little virgin. They were probably happy he was finally dead. Get him out the gang you can't just say that my god there i did read there was a scene that they cut out um like at that bar when he's uh when he's asking the dude if he's
Starting point is 00:47:40 a virgin or not there's a scene they cut out where jesse uh buys him a prostitute oh nice i mean they circled all the way around the dream they just didn't like so so they just cut out the very last scene of it the thing that would have made it make sense yeah yeah like it's like hey you know this doesn't this conversation is kind of weird but it wouldn't have been weird if it would have ended with him buying the prostitute you know uh anyways yeah yeah and then then what happens they so he dies yeah well then jesse just decides to try to give up Outlaw. Nobody else wants to give it up. That's when him and what's his Zell?
Starting point is 00:48:34 Z? The lady that has his mom's name. That's when they go to Florida. Yeah. I'm having a fucking grand old time to Florida. Yeah. I'm having a fucking grand old time in Florida too. And then he did.
Starting point is 00:48:48 They were. And then Jesse makes a classic fucking mistake. He puts his goddamn real name on the marriage certificate. Idiot. Cause he wanted it to be real. Yeah. I can't trust the fucking, the pastor though.
Starting point is 00:49:04 That dude's going to dime me out real quick. I found a Bob line for you, and I think it might be the one you're looking for. Hit me with it. Jesse's like, so we got a plan, and Bob's like, yeah, my plan to line here, pissing myself seems to be working mighty fine. Thank
Starting point is 00:49:20 you. That's not it, but that's another good one. Bob had the best ones he's got the best ones oh dude bob is all over the the quotes yeah fucking bob man anyways but yeah so they go to florida They're just having a grand old time. The pastor dimes them out. And that's when they're just swimming in probably the gator-infested waters. And Pinkerton shows up.
Starting point is 00:49:58 Takes him into custody. And that's when I was like, okay, finally, we're done. We're over. Nope. Still got another 30 minutes. him into custody you know and that's when i was like okay finally we're done we're over nope still got another like 30 minutes because they we can't have jesse go down as a criminal brandon that's not who he is yeah now you you have a hero if you're gonna do a jesse story you gotta have him he has to be assassinated he can just go to jail yeah yeah that's when she's when she's like
Starting point is 00:50:26 hugging her if you don't see it it's not real yeah that was okay that was crazy uh it's and then isn't he he's wearing like fucking knickerbocker pants when he goes into that that water right yeah he's fully clothed i mean that's kind of how they used to do it. No. Boys? No. Girls, definitely. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:53 But it wasn't made of, I don't know. I would hope it's not made of fucking wool like those pants are. Dude. We didn't have a lot of options, Brandon. Go skinny dip it. It's Florida. It's 90 fucking degrees. You're not going to get cold.
Starting point is 00:51:08 Can't just be running around with you. Nether's out, Brandon. That's unbecoming. Whatever. Old people are fucking stupid. And I mean like people from the past, not like current old people. Yeah, whatever, Brandon. You just outed yourself. You're a, Brandon. You just outed yourself.
Starting point is 00:51:27 You're a hater. You're an ageist. I'm not an ageist. I'm a... I don't know. What would that be? I don't know. I hate people from different times. Yeah. I'm not an ageist,
Starting point is 00:51:42 but like a timeist. A decadeist. Listen listen brandon you can put lipstick on that pig as much as you want but guess what still pig yeah damn damn yankees the fucking yankee talk was just cracking me up, dude. I can't get over that. I know I already talked about it. That line at dinner with Kathy Bates was, I was on the floor for like five minutes after that. It was insane.
Starting point is 00:52:21 It was unbelievable. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, it was a movie, Brandon. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, it was a movie, Brandon. Yeah. It was a movie about Jesse James starring Colin Farrell, and that's all you need to know. And now we get the escape, because now he's captured.
Starting point is 00:52:39 They're transporting him. Yeah. Were they transporting him? I forget. Was it back to missouri no it was that it was going to be like one of the prisons oh they were going to dc weren't they i think yes yep yep they were going to go to dc yep that's right so they got him on the train he's all locked up and of course the rest of the gang the james gang comes to the rescue i love how uh they they show they show up they got like a
Starting point is 00:53:09 fucking cannon they shoot the cannon at the train to stop it and then fantastic um shoot it right through it's like she shoots it right through the front of the steam engine and then uh a couple of gang guys start uh running uh start running towards the train. And one of the cop guys is like, there's only four of them. And then fucking like 600 people come out. Yeah. And then they start shooting. They shoot that fucking train up, dude.
Starting point is 00:53:42 It's crazy. Oh, another scene I wanted to talk about is the trap when the the bank trap and um jesse uh frank and cole are in the bank they realize it's a trap so jesse throws them over the table and like grabs the table so he can use it as a shield or whatever so they're behind the table and then he uh he does his fucking distraction thing and he jumps over the table he roll there's like a fucking barrel roll over another table while he's double barrel um like he's got both both both guns in his hands he's rolling while he's shooting and he's just picking off these fucking cops and then he gets up there done that gets off the table start like hops onto like the counter so he's running on the counter while he's still shooting he does this insane scene he doesn't get shot at all and he must have killed at least 10 cops yeah amazing
Starting point is 00:54:41 that's that's fucking jesse james dude I'm pretty sure they stole that move from me. Okay. You've been known to barrel roll with my pistols out. Well, now you're outing yourself. You know, this is, they're going to come, the Pinkerton gang is going to come for you. Now that they know where you are. Now they know I'm part of the James gang. The fanny pack boys, man.
Starting point is 00:55:09 Oh, my God. We're not the fanny pack boys. We are. We are 100% the fanny pack boys. We got a shirt to prove it. I was with you, though, Brandon. When they got caught in Florida, I thought they were just either going to go down and hail a gunfire. Or it would just end where we don't know what happens right but then when it kept going i was like you've got to be fucking kidding me like we just for the love of god can we wrap this up well then so the the worst part i hated this ending because – so they – to go back to the train scene, they get there and they free Jesse.
Starting point is 00:55:53 He escapes. He's gone. Pinkerton is still like with them though, and he essentially just like – I guess Jesse James won his respect or some fucking bullshit and he essentially he's been spending the whole movie chasing this guy and then at the end he goes uh um we don't do any business in tennessee um just so you know and then he like walks away and leaves and it's like well we're just gonna fucking why are we why are you chasing them the whole entire fucking movie if we're just gonna give up at the end that was ridiculous
Starting point is 00:56:30 but you know Brandon don't go chasing waterfalls I'm not sure how that applies it always applies just stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to yeah but so that's how it ends to
Starting point is 00:56:46 say he him and uh him and z moved to good old tennessee racket top tennessee good old racket I do like Tennessee Tennessee's a nice Nice spot Yeah it's not bad The The The Smokies The Smokies are tight The Smoky Mountains are really pretty To drive through
Starting point is 00:57:14 Nashville Has It used to be pretty awesome But man it sure has gotten Yeah it's just super touristy You just gotta go to the not broadway spots you know yeah and even like a day or two on broadway doing the honky tonks and stuff i you know when it's the most fun and like i know this is maybe it's just me but like man when i went
Starting point is 00:57:40 when i was there on like a monday in the afternoon because i had a travel day for work and i was just out and about honky tonk hopping and people watching it is like old people throw down in the middle it was so much fun like that's they were throwing down on the dance floor it was awesome that is a good point if you're gonna to do Nashville, do it during the week. Yeah. Because the night. The nights still get crazy. Like even Monday night will still be crazy.
Starting point is 00:58:13 Yeah. Tuesday night will still be crazy. But the best part, like you said, mentioned is going like just wandering down Broadway in the middle of a weekday because it's like the perfect. It's not dead, but it's not busy it's like the perfect amount of like it's mostly old people but it's like the perfect amount of of people mobbing around and yeah they're still going crazy because it's nashville there's there's enough people out partying hard because they're on vacation and it's nashville but there's not so many that you're like wall to wall shoulder to shoulder you can go find a
Starting point is 00:58:45 comfortable place to sit comfortable place to eat like it's yeah it's that's that's how you gotta and you can you can literally wander into that my favorite part is like just wandering down broadway and just going into like the uh like you wandered like a hotel lobby or like a fucking and you wander in a hotel lobby like an inconspicuous like hotel and it'll be the greatest guitar player you've ever heard in your entire life playing playing in the hotel lobby at 2 p.m on a tuesday and you're like this is how do you not have a fucking record deal although at least when i was there it the set list my god after like the first few people like they feel like they all played the same shit like everyone played really most you've gone to the wrong spots most people i feel are playing their own original stuff
Starting point is 00:59:39 no no not when i was out you're going to the wrong covers you're going to the wrong spots man i didn't watch a band in the draft kings sportsbook hotel oh yeah you can't those are going to be all covers for sure i'm trying that was awesome though you gotta wonder what i was getting into there like i went to some of the offshoot ones and they would mix in like their own stuff with you got to go to like you got to go to like not like places that if you were in any other city would never have fucking live music but because it's nashville it has live music that's where you go that's those are the spots you go to because those are the ones that are it's just like the dude um who's like a crazy guitar player and has like
Starting point is 01:00:21 you know six of his own songs and he's fighting for his fucking life to try to find a record deal and he's just posted up there at 2 p.m on a tuesday and has six roommates at home yeah but he's amazing but he's fucking amazing yeah what else do you have to say about this um god this fucking movie man duane du Dwayne uh was not circling back to Dwayne aka Klaue he did great he was in a very limited amount but when he was there he shined
Starting point is 01:00:54 stole the show stole the screen um yeah it was I mean like you said this is the most uh it's it's incredibly um 2000 early 2000s boilerplate. They were pumping these movies out like crazy.
Starting point is 01:01:13 And it's not bad, but it's – yeah, it's – It's not good. It's not good. And it's just like – it's very forgettable it's like like every other early 2000s kind of action movie um the accents were terrible um the cast there's like you said the cast it's a very early 2000s thing because you have like the all the the new uh up and coming kids and then they sprinkle in all the oldies. Like Timothy Dalton crushes this.
Starting point is 01:01:50 Ronnie Cox, you got all these old guys that are just holding it down. But yeah, Colin Farrell should not have been Jesse James. It was a very big stretch. Like you mentioned, I did not believe him rolling double-barrel cocked over the table shooting 18 cops. I didn't buy him as an outlaw in the slightest. Like not even in the slightest. Like I said, if you want a Jesse James movie, go watch The Assassination of Jesse James with Brad Pitt and Casey Affleitt and uh casey affleck it's a much better it's a fantastic movie highly recommend it i might watch it tonight actually fuck it do it
Starting point is 01:02:34 all right should we give it a cake rating brandon shit i didn't even think about i don't even remember how do we do this again? Is that a five? Yeah. Wow. Brandon, my God, this is why we don't have nice things. We mentioned it with the cakeys. It's been a long time. We took the summer off. It's been a long time since we've recorded. Excuse me. Wait, hold on. Did you know that? Oh, wait, nevermind. I thought it said, what about Bob? It's what about barb what about wait what about barb i was looking at the movies that the dude that plays bob younger is in and he was an executive producer on what about barb but i thought it's
Starting point is 01:03:18 what about barb anyways i give this what the fuck is what about barb i give this what about Barb I give this one and a half cakes I think like it it wasn't very good I didn't really like it not my favorite cup of tea do you even drink tea no I don't care for tea very much at all
Starting point is 01:03:41 I don't I will do sleepy time tea when i'm incredibly sick but that's about the only time i tea wait so i was half one and a half is that what you gave it yeah i'm one and a half i i just i wanted i wanted more i feel i i'm gonna go just i'm gonna go straight um i'm gonna go how bad do I want to go because it's not good I would not watch this again I would not just go look up pictures of
Starting point is 01:04:14 Ty O'Neill with the chew in his mouth and you'll get that'll be more fulfilling than watching the movie it got 5.9 out of 10 IMDB rankings that's pretty generous um i'm gonna go because so i'm gonna go i'm gonna go straight one i'm gonna give it a straight one okay um and i'm cheating because i'm looking at my past ratings that i've given other stuff
Starting point is 01:04:46 right now um and it's uh i'm rating it below mvp i'd rather watch most valuable primate for sure i'd rather watch the pacifier yeah um i would not i would i would take this over buddy games for sure yeah um but other than that, yeah, it's not, it's not good. It's, it's, it's a very forgettable early two thousands movie.
Starting point is 01:05:09 And like we said, it was only 90 minutes, but it felt so long. And that's, that's the, if you would, if you, if you would have told me this movie was two and a half hours long,
Starting point is 01:05:19 I would have believed you. That's very true. Anyways. Yeah a what a movie what a journey shout out cowboy duane the this is the best shaw in all the land and this is one of the very few after mighty ducks uh and this movie ty he kind of uh falls off right yeah he kind of throws in the tally he goes uh i believe he went back to being being a cowboy um he gave up the the acting gig because he's only after this movie he's only in two other movies which look even worse um one's called tiger cruise and the other is called blood trail um tiger cruise so for for ty we did not have a lot of options here no um so that's why we went with this one um although i'm looking at it now he was in uh he was in the postman maybe that's what we should have done i wonder how i wonder
Starting point is 01:06:23 how much that's the other thing is i don't know he's probably not in the postman for very much longer he's also in a movie called bug buster oh i think that's what we should do next don't let the bed bugs bite oh my god oh god no i know we can't watch this although is that fucking katherine heigigl Katherine Heigl is in this movie Dude Randy Quaid too We might have to do Bug Busters Even though it's going to give me fucking nightmares Dude I can already feel him crawling on me
Starting point is 01:06:58 That sounds terrible Anyway Ty O'Neill Cowboy Dwayne Check him out he's great american outlaws he's an american treasure if i if i do say so myself a real barn burner of a movie We'll see you next time. Thank you.

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