The Catechism in a Year (with Fr. Mike Schmitz) - Day 225: Total Fidelity in Marriage

Episode Date: August 13, 2023

“Love seeks to be definitive,” the Catechism tells us in this section on marital fidelity. The faithfulness of husband and wife in the sacrament of Matrimony is a sign of God’s irrevocable covenant with humanity. This fidelity is both beautiful and challenging. Fr. Mike addresses painful situations of separation and divorce and how the whole ecclesial community should respond with truthful love. Today’s readings are Catechism paragraphs 1646 through 1651. For the complete reading plan, visit ascensionpress.com/ciy Please note: The Catechism of the Catholic Church contains adult themes that may not be suitable for children - parental discretion is advised.

Hi, my name is Father Mike Schmitz and you're listening to The Catechism in a Year Podcast, where we encounter God's plan of sheer goodness for us, revealed in Scripture and passed down to the tradition of the Catholic faith. The Catechism in a year is brought to you by Ascension. In 365 days, we'll read through the Catechism of the Catholic Church discovering our identity in God's family. As we journey together toward our Heavenly Home, this is day 225, we're reading paragraphs 1646 to 1651. As always, I'm using the Ascension edition of the Catechism, which includes the

foundations of faith approach. But you can follow along with any recent version of the Catechism of the Catholic Church. You can also download your own Catechism, any year reading plan by visiting AscensionPress.com slash C-I-Y. I don't know if you know about this, but ascension is the world's leader in Catholic faith formation. That's just one of the taglines again to me right now. And also lastly, you can click follow or subscribe in your podcast app for daily updates and daily notifications. If anyone else is out of breath right now, that's two of us. Because I don't know why I just got excited,

but day 225. Not that it's a, oh gosh, okay, it's exciting. It's beautiful. We get to talk in paragraph 1646 through 1651 about the fidelity of conjugal love. Remember, we started talking about what are the effects of the sacrament of matrimony and then what are the goods and requirements of conjugal love?

So yesterday we talked about those four marks of God's love, God's love is always free, it's always total, it's always faithful, it's always fruitful. This section today, we're talking about the fidelity of conjugal love. Like that sense that when you enter into marriage, one enters into a covenant of any kind. Covenant is a call to faithfulness.

It's called to permanence. And in fact, 1646 says, by its very nature, conjugal love requires the inviolable fidelity of the spouses. That faithfulness. And so we're gonna talk about this because we're talking about faithfulness. We have both, right, that theable fidelity of the spouses, that faithfulness. And so we're gonna talk about this because we're talking about faithfulness, we have both, right, that the two edges of this sort,

that the goodness of how good this is, that so many people are called of marriage are called to that faithfulness, but also at the same time, how challenging faithfulness is, how challenging it is to be faithful on one's own part when their spouse has not been faithful. I mean, all those issues, right, that we're gonna talk about those a little bit today.

But this is part of our faith. This is part of what Jesus has given to us. And it's, and keep in this in mind, sometimes once again, when we're going through the catagasms, like, well, this is what the church teaches. As opposed to, this is what God teaches. They're one and the same. We have to keep that in mind.

That the teaching of the church is the teaching of the Lord. That we know this, that if Jesus established his church, which we know he did, if Jesus gave the Holy Spirit to guide the apostles into all truth, which we know he did, if Jesus continues to be the source of, and the Holy gives us the Holy Spirit as that guide, which we know he did,

then the teaching of the church is the teaching of the teaching of the Lord. And so knowing that, knowing that this is both an incredible gift, faithfulness, but also an incredible challenge, also a credible pain point for so many people's people in their lives and their marriages, we just ask the Lord to be with us today. So let's pray Father in heaven, we thank you, give you praise. We give you glory. We honor you this day. We ask that you please console us as we continue to learn more about what it is to have what are the what are the goods of married love? What are the requirements of married love? But don't just console us, Lord, to your Holy Spirit, consoles, but your Holy Spirit also convicts. And so we ask you to please

convict us as well. Convict us in truth. call us to be yours, not partially but fully. because Lord you have covered into yourself to us fully. and even when we are unfaithful you are absolutely faithful. so be with us now. consolus and convict us, but above all be with us. in Jesus' name we pray. amen, in the name of the father and of the son and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen. This is day 225 of reading paragraphs, 1646 to 1651. The fidelity of conjugal love.

By its very nature, conjugal love requires the inviolable fidelity of the spouses. This is the consequence of the gift of themselves, which they make to each other. Love seeks to be definitive. It cannot be an arrangement until further notice. The intimate union of marriage, as a mutual giving of two persons, and the good of the children, demand total fidelity from the spouses and require an unbreakable union between them. The deepest reason is found in the fidelity of God to His covenant, in that of Christ to His church. Through the sacrament of matrimony, the spouses are enabled to represent this fidelity and witness

to it. Through the sacrament, the indesolubility of marriage receives a new and deeper meaning. It can seem difficult, even impossible, to bind oneself for life to another human being. This makes it all the more important to proclaim the good news that God loves us with a definitive and irrevocable love. That married couples share in this love that it supports and sustains them, and that by their own faithfulness, they can be witnesses to God's faithful love. Spouses who with God's grace give this witness, often in very difficult conditions, deserve

the gratitude and support of the ecclesial community. Yet there are some situations in which living together becomes practically impossible for a variety of reasons. In such cases, the church permits the physical separation of the couple, and they're living apart. The spouses do not cease to be husband and wife before God, and so are not free to contract a new union.

In this difficult situation, the best solution would be, if possible, reconciliation. The Christian community is called to help these persons live out their situation in a Christian manner, and in fidelity to their marriage bond, which remains indesoluble. Today, there are numerous Catholics in many countries who have recourse to civil divorce and contract new civil unions. In fidelity to the words of Jesus Christ, who said, Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.

The church maintains that a new union cannot be recognized as valid if the first marriage was. If the divorce are remarried civilly, they find themselves in a situation that objectively contravenes God's law. Consequently, they cannot receive Eucharistic communion as long as this situation persists. For the same reason, they cannot exercise certain ecclesial responsibilities. Reconciliation through the sacrament of penance, can be granted only to those who every pented for having violated the sign of the covenant and of fidelity to Christ, and who are committed to living in complete confidence.

Toward Christians who live in this situation, and who often keep the faith and desire to bring up their children in a Christian manner, priests and the whole community must manifest an attentive solicitude so that they do not consider themselves separated from the church, in whose life they can and must participate as baptized persons. They should be encouraged to listen to the Word of God, to attend the sacrifice of the mass, to persevere in prayer, to contribute to the works of charity and to community efforts for justice, to bring up their children in the Christian faith, to cultivate the spirit and practice of penance and thus implore day by day God's grace. Okay, there we have it.

It is day 225, paragraph 1646 to 1651. A challenge, right? It is the challenge of fidelity. And so let's begin at the beginning, which is almost so important in paragraph 1646 and following We recognize that in marriage fidelity faithfulness is essential in fact not even not just even faithfulness is the promise of Faithfulness the expectation of faithfulness and you know again this teaching of the church right which is the teaching of the Lord as we said this teaching of the church is which is the teaching of the Lord, as we said. This teaching of the church is,

people can be mad at it, obviously. The teaching of Jesus, people can be mad at it. But it says here, love seeks to be definitive. That's what love wants, right? It can't be, I love this line. It's the third sentence in today's reading, love seeks to be definitive. It cannot be an arrangement until further notice.

So, G.K. Chesterton, who was a Catholic back in the day, but, you know, 100 plus years ago, give or take, he was an atheist, he became a Catholic. And at one point, he said something along these lines, he said, people can get so mad at the church because the church demands that they promise forever when they get married. He said, that's strange.

He said, that's what love wants to do. Let's go back to this. People get so mad, the church demands that you promise forever when you get married, but he said, that's what love wants to do. Love wants to promise forever. In fact, I always go over this with our couples, as we talk about, covenants, we talk about fidelity in marriage. I say that, you know, if you think my couples came in to visit me, my couples, not my

couple, and the couples who are going through marriage preparation came in to visit me, and I said, okay, on the first meeting, well, you guys, I'm glad you're here. We have these three kinds of vows. We have the three-year vows. We have the seven-year vows and the forever vows. So don't make any big decisions right now, but you don't take these three different sets of vows, the three-year vows, the seven-year vows, and the forever vows. You know, talk about them with each other, pray about them, and let me know which ones

you want. If one of the two people were to say, you know, I like those seven-year vows and the forever vows. You know, talk about them with each other, pray about them, and let me know which ones you want. If one of the two people were to say, you know, that's, I think those seven-year vows, the other person would be, would be mad, rightfully so. In that sense of like, how we say, it's not like, okay, I want to give you my 20s, or I want to give you my 30s. It's, I want to give you my life. And if you're not going to be around for life, then I'm leaving. I'm like, if you're not gonna give, if you're not gonna promise me forever, then don't even promise me today. In fact, that's what John Paul II had once said. He said, for those who do not promise to love each other forever,

they will find it very difficult to truly love one another for even one day. How does that make sense to all of us? If we do not promise to love forever, we don't even try to love each other forever. It'll be very impossible to truly love the other person for even one day. Why? Because love seeks to be definitive. That sense of you and none other until death, not you and none other until I get bored, you and tell and you none other until again, as

this says, until further notice. But the intimate union of marriage, as it says you're in 1646, as the mutual giving of marriage. As it says here in 1646, as the mutual giving of two persons and the good of the children demands total fidelity from the spouses and require an unbreakable union between them. In doing that, they are giving witness to who God is in this world.

I mean, and that can be done in so many ways, right? It can be done in this, in the glorious, beautiful way of just, look at that couple there. They love each other so well through thickened through thin, through, for good and through bad, through sickness and health. And it can be done in a difficult way too of, look at this couple. Here, here this person, you know, the one spouse is taking the other one back,

even after the other one walked away. I mean, I can't, I can't imagine that pain. I can't imagine the rupture, the break of that trust, but I have seen, I got to tell you, I have seen couples. In fact, I met with a couple relatively recently, and that's part of their story, part of their story was infidelity.

Part of their story is broken promises. Part of their story is broken faithfulness. But to see them, the last day I saw them, to see the way they looked at each other, they, God had restored so much trust in their they, God had restored so much trust in their lives, God had restored so much goodness in their lives. They were living as the embodiment of Jesus Christ and His church because listen, this is the, I'm not telling, don't mean to tell you, listen, but just listen.

Here we are as the church and we are so unfaithful yet, what does Jesus do? He continues to take us back. In the book of the prophet, Hosea, what's the whole story? The whole story is God tells the Prophet Hosea. He says, he could go and marry Gomer, the process, knowing that she's going to be unfaithful to you, but marry her, knowing that she's going to be unfaithful to you so that you can be a sign of my faithful love in the midst of an unfaithful lover. And so that's, I mean, so many ways.

And again, I talk about it like this as if, I talk about it right now. It might even sound like you, it might sound like I don't understand how painful, how seemingly impossible. In fact, that's what 1648 says. It can seem difficult, even impossible to bind oneself for life to another human being.

I love how he says, okay, yeah, sure it does. 1648. This makes it all the more important to proclaim the good news that God loves us with a definitive and irrevocable love. I married couples that share in this love, that it supports and sustains them, and that by their own faithfulness they can be witnesses to God's faithful love. It's so important. Now, remember, remember, this is marriage as God's gift and marriage in the Lord as God's gift. What we still live under the regime of sin, and because of this paragraph 1649 highlights the fact that yet there are some situations which living together becomes practically impossible for a number of reasons. There can be violence and that would be practically impossible to make, it would not be good to make someone stay where they're in danger or where the children

aren't danger. And if it's not physical violence, there could be emotional mental violence, right? There also can be situations where here is this, this couple has to separate physically because of, you know, financial damaging, financially damaging each other. And again, they're, because of financial damaging. To financially damaging each other. And again, they're, man, we are so we can be so mean to each other. And we can be so mean to the people that we promise to love forever.

So the church understands that there are some situations. We're living together, becomes practically impossible. And in those cases, the church permits physical separation of the couple and they're living apart. And yet at the same time, we recognize that that doesn't mean they're not husband and wife anymore. They are still husband and wife. They're husband and wife until the day that one of them dies. Unless the church give that declaration of nullity, recognizing that, yeah, there's this this sacrament of match money was never the case. But there was some kind of impediment when we talked about that already.

There was some kind of obstacle that got in the way that prevented marriage from happening in the very first place. People don't talk about this as much. I already mentioned it briefly a few minutes ago, but the church hopes for reconciliation in some of these cases, right? And again, again, please, you know situations where you would say, oh, no, no, no, please never go back. I know you know situations where you would advise that person who got themselves safe finally, like, no, never go back. And I get that, I understand that.

There are situations where going back would not be a good idea. But there are some situations where that as an option should be considered. Again, I'm not saying all situations and please invite you to take everything I'm saying, not with a grain of salt, but with the benefit of the doubt, right? In that sense, that I understand that there are situations where no going back would not be wise. And there are situations where going back would be the most heroic thing a person could do.

I don't know. That might not be your situation. So again, again, benefit over the doubt here. Nonetheless, the church recognizes that each person is called to continually live out their vocation. And so even if a husband and wife are no longer living in the same place, they're not free to go, they're not free to date, they're not free to pursue another relationship. Again, that's the heaviness, that's the heaviness of what it is to be married. That there might be some reason when we have to separate

or even in paragraph 1650 to get civil divorce. But even in those situations, I'm not free to contract a new civil union, I'm not free to attempt marriage with someone else. Again, why? Not because the church is being an ogre, but because Jesus Christ has said that that is impossible. Jesus Christ has said so clearly in three of the gospels, Jesus makes this so clear that whoever divorces their wife and marries another commits adultery, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.

So we just recognize this that. And because of that, and so I'm so sorry husband and marries another, she commits adultery. So we just recognize this. And because of that, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Because what that means, right, of course, it means that if someone's divorced and married, they cannot receive holy communion. They can't go to confession and receive absolution unless they have decided that they've repented

for having violated the sign of the covenant and they're committed to living in complete confidence. Now this is one of the most painful times I've ever been a priest. I have to tell you, not my pain, it's it is my pain, but it's the pain of couples who finally get to, you know, pluck up the courage to say, okay, I'm gonna go to confession

finally after however many years and they go to confession and one of the things I mentioned is that they've been divorced and they've been remarried outside the church. And one of the things that I have to that I have to communicate is the teaching of Jesus is that a person cannot be absolved until they determine that either they're going to separate or they're going to live as brother and sister. And again, that can seem like an excessive demand placed on couples, but I don't know.

It's just, it seems also when you understand the beauty and the dignity, the reality of marriage, it's not an excessive command. It's part of the risk, right? It's part of the risk of marrying. That's the thing. I mean, again, it's heavy, right? Marriage, the promise for faithfulness, the promise to openness, to life, we're talking about tomorrow. That is, that's, it's heavy, but at the same time, realize that

if you're married, there was a moment where when you said this person, or you've even realized, you know, this person looking at you on your wedding day, they trusted you enough to be willing to risk the rest of their life for the chance to be your spouse. And you looking at them, you trusted them enough that they were willing to risk the rest of their life for the chance to be your spouse. This is, again, there's consequences. There's a burden, there's a heaviness, but also there's so much beauty to realize that

someone was willing to risk forever for you. And you were willing to risk forever for them, and that's something so powerful. Now, even if a couple finds himself in a place of divorce, even if they find themselves in a place of remarriage, they're invited, they're commanded, I don't know if that's the right word to say, but they are called to continue to keep

the faith and to continue to raise their children in the Catholic church and the priests and the whole community. We have to do what we can to help them out. And again, that's so hard. And again, if you are someone who's been divorced or someone who's been divorced from you married and you got to your church and it's like, hey, we can't help you, I'm so sorry. Because I think so in so many ways we're not suited for that.

We're not equipped for that. Yet we're called to it too. So what can you do? Well, the church says here, here clearly, if you bend a forest, only divorced, you can still participate in the sacraments, right? Because you haven't done anything wrong, at least with regard to being in a state where you would be unable to receive

a community. If you're divorced, you can go to confession and continue to live the life of the sacraments. It's when one gets divorced and remarried that they're unable to participate in the sacraments of Holy Communion or the sacrament of reconciliation. At the same time, everyone says here it should be encouraged to listen to the word of God. To attend the sacraments of the mass, still go to mass, and to offer of the sacrifice, to persevere in prayer, to contribute to the works of charity and community efforts for justice, to bring up your children in the Christian faith, to cultivate a spirit of impractice, and thus

implore day by day God's grace. Because God has not abandoned you. In fact, if this is part of your story, we recognize that as long as your heart is beating, as long as your breathing, your story is not over yet, And there's always a chance to repent until the very end. It's always a chance to say, okay, God, what do you want me to do in this moment? Again, that's always the question. It's always the prayer. God, what do you want me to do in this moment? How are you calling me to take that step forward? Now, and again, I know this is hard, this is a heavy, heavy day. It's a beautiful day, but it's a challenging day.

Because of that, I know every one of us needs God's grace. Because there's not one of us whose life hasn't been touched by divorce. There's also not one of us whose life hasn't been touched by love. And so we pray. I am praying for you. Please pray for me. My name is Father Micah. I cannot wait to see you tomorrow. God bless.