The Chaser Report - 10 Things I Bore About You | John Delmenico

Episode Date: March 20, 2025

Charles Firth is joined by Chaser editor John Delmenico, who brings a comprehensive rundown of the PM's latest interview on 60 Minutes. It's another episode of "John watched it so you don't have to" folks, and believe me, you'll won't envy him after hearing what he sat through.Watch Albanese on 60 Mins here:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUu20MbK-aM&ab_channel=60MinutesAustraliaBuy tickets to John's show here:https://www.comedyfestival.com.au/browse-shows/a-rational-fear/Watch OPTICS on ABC iview here:https://iview.abc.net.au/show/opticsCheck out more Chaser headlines here:https://www.instagram.com/chaserwar/?hl=enGive us money:https://chaser.com.au/support/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. And Dom has, I don't know what he's doing, he's probably hung over or something like that, knowing Dom and his wildlife. So instead, we've got the editor of the chaser, John Delminico, on the line. And John has been doing the thankless task. I'm sure you'll agree

you're glad he's doing rather than anyone. Well, certainly I'm glad that he's doing rather than having to do it myself, which is he has watched the 60 Minutes Report with Anthony Alvinisi. John, I am so sorry. I keep making bad decisions. Yes.

But luckily... Can I be honest, John? You voluntarily do this. Like, I know that during the last election we made you watch Sky News and that was literally like we forced you to do it but since then it's almost like you you like being imprisoned and treated badly you've got some sort of stockholm syndrome for shit jobs yeah i think the fact that i watched all that sky news

for a month and that's how i made content for a long period sort of taught me that that's the only way to make content so now i'm stuck in this um hell loop of just awful awful stuff and doing it so that people online can listen and maybe one point person leaves a review for five stars. Yes, and that's it. Yeah. You're doing it for the kudos, the cred, the karma. Yeah, the big chase report, cred.

So, John, well, it should we just let everyone turn off this podcast by going to an ad, and then the remaining few will have to listen to what Anthony Havonesey said on 60 minutes. That sounds like a good idea. Okay. Luckily, this interview was different to all the other 60 minutes. interviews I've watched so far. Oh, was it hard? It was hard heating. No, no. Albo just took a unique strategy because with these interviews that are about showing people the behind the scenes, family lives of these politicians away from the cameras, while there's also obviously cameras,

Albo took a different approach where instead they, Carl, tagged along to a photo op. So we finally got to see what Alvo is like during a political photo op with the entire media there, going around shaking hands and eating some salmon in Tasmania. But the thing is, John, that, like, that is probably what Albo does with his personal life. Like, he's so just a politician and has always been a politician from when even he was a teenager, that that probably counts as, like, he probably thought, oh, a really intimate moment, a photo up with a salmon farm, you know, like, that's, that's as good as it gets.

That's like, that's like almost like letting him, you know, film him in the bedroom type thing. Yeah, I mean, they did also film this on his birthday. So this was how Alba was spending his birthday. At a photo op. Yeah, that's so relatable as well. I mean, what did you do for your last birthday, John? I think I held a full press conference. That's right. Exactly. Yeah. I actually wrote some legislation that day. Oh, very exciting. Yeah. And my 50th is coming up soon. So I'm thinking I might go for a bit of an extravaganza and ratify some international treaties or something that day. Oh, laity-da.

Or have a whole sort of working party on tariffs. Will you bring Carl? Yeah, a working party. We can have a 50th working party. That's great I do. Yeah, and bring Carl along, of course. Carl Stavonovic, there for all your most intimate moments. And if there's someone who knows how to party, it is Carl.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. but you mentioned how hard-hitting these interviews are and you know an interview's good when it opens with this I don't care about policy for this interview I don't care about one thing and that's Jody wow that's nice that's a bit sleazy isn't it

there is a point later in the interview where he says he says he spends a lot of time with her but that was Carl yeah does Albo know this is a bit This is a bit of a public humiliation for Albo. Wow, it's not like Albo's ever had public humiliation before.

Yeah, it's right, exactly. It's the last three years. He probably has passed some rule in caucus that means that Carl's not allowed to take over his wife. But he doesn't have the numbers. It'll be fine. Well, the thing about Carl is I doubt he's ready to take on Albo in this ground because we don't just hear about Jody. we also hear about Albo's amazing flirting technique. Oh, no. I sent a message back saying,

yep, but what's your position on craft beer? Yeah, what's your position on craft beer? Oh, oh. That is a master class in flirting. I took notes. Yeah, yeah. The first person to ever flirt as if he's talking to a focus group.

Yeah, yeah. That, um... Fuck. Oh, that gives you an insight. It's so cringe. Like, the idea that he'd be willing to shit like

Carl does accuse Jody of being a stalker because she met Albo as a fan and then DM'd him afterwards and you know all of a sudden that level of floating makes sense when you know that you've also got the backing of she's literally a fan of yours first

yes so she her standards are already rock bottom and then maybe with a little bit of craft beer they can go even low and she can agree to go out with him. Yeah, and they went out for craft beer. They went to go get some young Henrys,

they specifically said, which makes sense because whenever I have a young Henry's, I feel a bit disappointed. Yep, yep. But he leaves a sort of bitter after taste, which is very alve. But while we say he's flirting, sound focus grouped,

just wait until you hear about the things that they have in common. That we had a lot in common. South Sydney support for The Lope Party. Those are the two things they listed. Oh, man. It does sound very on message.

Their relationship, I mean, you've got to give that to them. There may not be a huge amount of love. I don't know. Like, maybe it's a real love affair of passion. But it is very on message. You can say that about him. And I think that that's very true to Anthony Albanese. He's nothing, if not on message.

I mean, he loves being on message. Of course, he loves this relationship. It is the amalgamation of everything he holds dear, specifically the Rabidows and Labor Party. The Labor Party, yeah, yeah. While I was watching this... And did he talk about what he likes about Jody, or is it just what he likes about what she likes that he likes? Well, there was mentioned multiple times of calling her a modern woman, but specifically using that phrase. What does that mean?

Mainly just, seemingly just, mainly just that she DMed him first. Oh, I see. She took the... Yeah. Oh, I was thinking like, oh, she believes in monetarism or something. She's read Milton Friedman, you know, or I don't know. Yeah. No, but okay, yeah, she takes the initiative, yeah. That's very modern.

Well, you're questioning how exciting their love and their relationship is. We actually have it from Jody herself, how much fun it is to date Albo. Okay. What happens there? That's really important. It's not that exciting, Carl. Like, to be honest. yeah there we and do you can you see Albo's face during that moment do you see his heartbreak

no you can no just moments later he starts talking over her to say not to say that it is great because watching that interview I was reminded of the Scott Morrison interview from 60 minutes than three years ago because a lot of it's focused on Jody there are times where Jody's asked direct questions and Albo just talks over her and answers instead like that he just yeah like there was a part where she got asked, what is his annoying habit? It's just like, oh, I don't know if I want to answer that. And he just started talking over her about what his annoying habit is. And it wasn't talking over her.

It was that he's apparently controlling it, like, things to be done in a certain way. Which obviously just about that she wasn't answering the question correctly. Including the answering of questions. Yeah. Yeah. But sadly, again, no ukulele pulled out because that would involve having a personality. Yes, yes. Albao's got a person and he's got the decks, doesn't he?

Doesn't he do DJing? Sure. Him and now Adam Bant as well. It's becoming a real trend with politicians these days. They hit their midlife crisis and they start pulling out the DJ decks. Yeah. And because my understanding of DJing is DJs are people who are not very good at making friends. So they become a DJ so they can sort of have a sort of parosocial relationship with a party.

You know, they can sort of be there. But they've got a role so they don't have to just spontaneously function with people. Is that why he became a DJ? Yeah, there is really a lot of crossover between politicians and DJs. They're all sleazy. Yes. They love cocaine. Yes.

They're constantly started by drunk people. Yes. Their job is to feel powerful. Yes. And they're always on message, aren't they? It's always like, get up and dance. Boom. And they love to spin.

And they love to spin. And they love to spin. Oh, John, very nice. But there was some more serious stuff which you'll get to after this ad break. None of the medical advice contained in the Chaser report should legally be considered medical advice. The Chaser Report. So is it policy? Are you going to, do we finally get to the meet?

Because can I say it has been very light on so far, John. Like, yes, it sounds excruciating, but I feel like it's sort of excruciating in the same way rubbing your fingers down fingernails down at blackboard is excruciating like it's not it's just it's just nothing okay to be fair all of the policy talk is taken from five minutes of the 20 minute

interview so I'm going to be dragging out in any of the part about the policy because I really think that I don't know I have a weird take on journalism right like that's more important to a voter than Alvo's flirting technique we obviously don't come from the Stefanovic school of good journalism John

yeah um but so obviously with cost living going on albo is asked directly about groceries but a soft landing p.m with respect is not a bag of groceries at coals or woolies or alde costing a hundred bucks people are angry and some of that anger is being directed towards you because it's been on your watch so what do you think albo would respond to that question specifically about bringing focus on groceries instead of talking about the macroeconomics well wouldn't i mean isn't there standard line well we inherited an economy that was terrible and just blame it on Scott Morrison. Isn't that the sort of standard? Or you think it's going to be specifically about, well, he won't go after the

supermarkets because that would involve fighting. Oh, maybe, uh, does he blame people for being, for wanting to eat or something? That would be fun, but no, here's his answer. And the previous government at that time was pouring petrol on the fire by having a 78, billion dollar deficit. Now we turned that 78 billion dollar liberal deficit into a 22 billion dollar labor service. You do have to stop spending it sometime. We have produced two budget services. Yeah, the most boring answer you gave because you're like, oh, that's the standard messaging. Yeah. That is what Albo said during this interview about getting behind the messaging. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, and to blame it on a government that's three years ago, yeah, I think

That's good. That's, no, I think, yeah, it's just, that's true to life. That's, that's elbow at night time. That's, that's what he says to Joe. That's why Jody says it's not that exciting. He, he crawls into bed and goes, did you know that we delivered two surfaces in a row? He just, every night he's telling the story about how he grew up in a single parent household.

Speaking of households, they did talk about the Copacabana, where he was asked one question, and the answer was way too long for me to clip, which was just rambling about how it would be inappropriate for Jody to move into the house that he raised his son in and therefore instead of using any of the other houses that Albo owned, they had to buy this new house, and he specifically said it was not a political decision,

which I think everyone knew that. It's pretty obvious that when you're buying a beachside house during a cost living crisis, that you didn't run that past. Factory in the politics. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. And he also said that he was able to just handle the criticism by completely ignoring it, which is something that he explained multiple times at the interview.

He just kept giving different long-winded ways of saying that he handles criticism by not taking any of it in. Which is interesting, because normally when you hear someone say that, it's like an artist who went something bold with their movie or something. But instead, it's Albo talking about very lackluster policies and really defending just blur. Like not really doing anything exciting. Yeah. Fuck. He's just, he's just, there's just not a lot, is it?

Yeah. This is the thing that you're like, at least with Scott Morrison, there was something to grab onto to hate. Yeah. But there's not even that, is there? It's just sort of like, there's just nothing there. Yeah, like, no wonder Carl want to talk to Jody and not Albo, because Albo's so fucking boring. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which actually is Cook's law of Australian elections.

I'm just going to divert from this interview, which I admit is fascinating gripping. John, to just chair with you. Do you know Cook's Law? No. So, Cook's Law, and we should probably have a whole episode on this at some point, because we can get the guy who invented Cook's Law on the podcast, and we can discuss it with him.

But Cook's Law of Australian Elections states that whatever the outcome of an election, the most boring outcome will be the one that happens. All right. So, and that holds true. Like, you have to look back to the 1990s. You probably have to look back to 1993 to go, there was an election that was actually genuinely exciting, right? Yeah.

And some people are saying, oh, maybe 2007 breaks that rule. But I think everyone knew that, like, Kevin Rudd was going to take over. So it was, by definition, a little bit boring when he actually just then won the election that he was expected to win, right? So, but the person who came up with Cook's law was Richard Cook, who used to edit The Chaser. Oh, wow, okay. About 15 years ago. And now is some highfalutin writer and writes for the monthly and the Atlantic and New York or no doubt and things like that.

And by that rule, by that law, you'd have to say that Albo is just positioned to win every election for the next decade. because the most boring outcome will always be Anthony Albania. And I wonder whether Albo found out about Cook's Law and went, OK, I've just got to fashion my entire personality in life around being incredibly boring. And that's how he's sort of climbed the latter. It's sort of an extension on the lucky country, the Donald Horn theory, that our leaders are so mediocre that Australia is very lucky that we don't need good leaders. It's a similar law.

It's like we are so boring. that we only do really boring things electorally. Yeah, I mean, that makes a lot of sense. I mean, in America, this week alone, there was some Tennessee lawmakers who wanted to make not liking Donald Trump a mental illness. And then on the same day they introduced that bill,

one of those lawmakers was arrested on child sexual abuse imagery charges. And like, that is so much more exciting than what we deal with, which is... Yes, yes. Why can't we have that in our politics? Why can't we have creepy men in our... Oh, wait a minute.

But speaking of creepy man in America, Carl obviously brought up Donald Trump and Albo is ready to handle him. Oh, right. Okay. This is good. This is exciting. The guy's a proper renegade, though, at times. Well, Donald Trump has a different perspective from mine.

That's very clear. But we have so much in common, the trade relationship is very important. the Orcus security arrangements are so important. Sorry, I drifted off there. Did he say anything surprising? No, but the two main points he brought up was that Trump and Albu both love the free trade agreement and Orcus. The free trade agreement that was broken two weeks ago

and Orcus, the deal that Trump didn't know existed two weeks ago. That's our foolproof plan is. I wonder whether it's... It makes me think, does Jodie know about South Sydney or the Labour Party? Because that's the two things they've got in common. Yeah, okay. So it's good to know that our country is in good, boring hands. Yeah, very boring.

So, John, did you take any drugs to get through this? I should have. What was your protest? Beer. Bia. Bia, right. Okay, fair enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because they can act as a stimulant. in the early stages. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And do you recommend people going online and searching out the interview? Like out of 10, what's your star rating on this interview? I'll say it's a two.

The only reason for two is that I've watched so much awful shit that it sort of bumps up from a one. Yeah. So because we've got Sky News After Dark, everything becomes a two. Like a two is a one. Yeah, yeah. But then also, I feel like there's an election metric that hasn't been discussed yet. That we can look at, which is which interview got more viewership on YouTube. Oh, yes.

Now you're going for hard-headed statistical analysis, John. So who do you think has got this election in the bag without trying to read on my screen? Surely the Dutton one got more than Anthony Avernesey. Like, even I would have watched the Dutton one. So the Dutton one got 122,000 views? Yeah. Compared to Albo's 30,000 views. Okay.

So that is a big swing to Dutton You've heard it here first Dutton's going to take the majority government You've heard it here first John has called the election for Dutton And I feel like in the most Aussie media and Australian politics thing about any of these interviews

Is that the Albo one was dropped On international women's day weekend Yeah and it involved Albo talking over women the whole time Yeah Great perfect Okay well John I'm so sorry that you had to do that

Now, you're, where are you, you're doing your first Melbourne Comedy Festival thing in a few words. Yes, I am. I'm doing the Irrational Fear Election Special on the 9th of April in the Malt House Theatre in Melbourne in 6.45pm. Oh, damn. Okay. I, I'll try and make that. Do you know when you, like, because, well, the rest of the listeners can ignore this part. Because our show starts at 530 over.

at the Ethanian will be done by 630, I will race over to the Malt House and see if I can... I'll have a feeling that as the only comedian there who hasn't done stand-up before, I won't be the first one up. Yeah, okay, great. Yeah, well, then I'll get to see you.

That's fantastic. Well, I'll be the one booing from the back. So it's also got a bunch of friends of the show, including, obviously, Dan and Lewis, Vidya Rajan. Oh, lovely. She's great. Sorry, the list keeps changing every time I see it.

Because, Vidja Rajan, Melissa, McClenzie. Tom Ballard and Alice Fraser Oh fantastic What a line-up Yeah and if you look at the poster in Melbourne Where it says special guests That's me

Nice Alright My name is not on the actual poster I'll tell too many tickets It'd be too much of a distraction It would be yeah They didn't want the box office to be swamped So yeah that's why they did that

And that's on the 9th of April And how do you get tickets Is it tick-tech or just Google Irrational Fear I suppose uh yeah google the rational um fear melbourne comedy fest or go to the malt house theater website yep okay great okay well pleasure to have you on i'm so sorry you had to do that and we are part of the iconoclast network get you tomorrow