The Chaser Report - 100m Widescreen TV | Welcome To The Future

Episode Date: February 7, 2023

It's a new year which can only mean one thing: a whole new range of lousy expensive bluetooth junk is on our shelves. Charles and Dom pick apart the future products of the world, before they fall apart themselves. (The products, not Dom and Charles).Welcome To The Future is back for 2023 every Wednesday! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigall Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report. I'm Charles Firth and welcome Dom Knight. Hello. Because we now have a special episode of Welcome to the future. I'm so glad the segment is back for 2023. What of our most beloved segments?

And look, so far it's been our look at the world. of tech, the future, things to get excited about, which tends to whenever you prepare the news, Charles, it tends to inevitably equate to some sort of shit house Bluetooth device. So you've had, what, Bluetooth water bottles, Bluetooth fridges at one point, all kinds of, I think there were socks at one point. Yeah, we had Bluetooth socks. Basically, the segment has boiled down to it. We're going to have a future that is entirely made up of devices that have Bluetooth

and don't in any way need Bluetooth. Okay, well, the good news is we're going to expand. and the remit of this segment. Oh, my goodness. Each time we do Welcome to the Future, it's going to be the full episode. We're going to have an episode length, Welcome to the Future. And the whole idea is, no, no, instead of being so cynical about future tech, let's actually take a look at it and take it seriously and actually, you know, look at the good stuff.

Yeah, respect the vision is, that are crafting stuff. I'm people like Elon Musk, who's just got such an amazingly bold view of humanity on Mars, which I just can't, I hope he begins with him. himself and only himself. Well, it'd be terrible if he got to Mars and couldn't connect his Bluetooth device. It all failed. Can you imagine how badly a Tesla would fuck up self-driving on Mars? Maybe actually that's the keys.

They've got to go somewhere where there's no other. No other traffic. Yeah, that's right. This first episode is sort of almost an overview of tech in 20... State of the industry. What a strong start chance. Yes, because the CES is the big expo that is held in, Vegas every year.

Yeah, the consumer electronics show. Yes. Big moment. And it was on in early January. It's the first time in three years that it's been a face-to-face expo because, you know, it turned out that the future was COVID. That's right. The future we've been welcome to lately.

And it's just a panoply of incredible devices. Is it panoply many monopolies at once? That's what it sounds like. Yeah, I don't know. I don't even really know what it means, but it really is a cornucopia of jobs. just tech at its best. And so I want to start with LG was at the CES this year, and they had a few amazing things, but nothing more amazing than their 97-inch wireless O-L-E-D-TV.

97-inch. 97-inch O-L-E-D-TV. What is the worst thing about having a TV, Dom? What is the worst thing? What's the thing that you have to solve? Well, if TVs are going to go mainstream one day. There's going to come mainstream. Oh, well, I mean, lately I've been thinking that they're a bit small.

I mean, TVs these days are small than many full-sized snooker tables. Yes. Or swimming pools. I mean, I see swimming pools 50 metres long, and I think I'm going to say, why can't I have a TV in my house that's that big? The other thing that frustrates me about TVs is the smart interface. Every single time I've used a so-called smart TV. Yes.

It has proved absolutely impossible. And I have several university degrees here, Charles, and I cannot for the life from me figure out how to get a smart TV. You need a degree in how to operate a TV. Yes, I need an TV engineering, smart TV engineering degree. Yeah. Well, this TV arguably doesn't solve either of those problems, although it is 97 inches. That's pretty big. Yeah, so I think, I think tick to that.

How big is 97 inches in meters? Oh, probably 100, I don't know. It's two and a half meters. Two and a half meter. That's as big as a car. It's a very big. That's enormous. The correct answer to what's the worst thing about having TV, right, is clutter.

Oh, clutter. It's the cable clutter. That's actually, that is true. That is very important. Yes, because there's lots of cables. And what this TV, this is the revolutionary thing that it's done, is it has no input jacks whatsoever. Oh. You cannot plug a cord into it.

So there is no cable clutter because everything is linked to by Bluetooth. Okay, so if I've got my, I don't know, Nintendo Switch And I don't want to play on the tiny little handheld screen I want to do it on a massive 97-inch screen Yes So I've got an HDMI cable and I I plug it into That is a very good question

I just can't plug it in Because there's no Bluetooth video at this stage It doesn't worry, it's not high enough bandwidth They probably haven't worked out Well that's a very fringe edge case scenario, Dom. I don't think people People don't use their TVs to plug in gaming devices, gaming devices.

Gaming devices. Yeah, how fashion is. Especially large, fuck-off, 97-inch TVs that would be awesome. All right, let's say I've got an LG mobile phone. Yes. And I want to, I don't know, Chromecast my YouTube video. Exactly. Yes.

Then all you have to do is, you know, link it to the Wi-Fi. The TV will have the internet. So inevitably, that will take at least 10 minutes. It's actually work. Because I've used, actually, I've had several LG TVs. Yes. And every single time you try and maybe something to them, it doesn't work for the first several minutes.

Right. In fact that my friend, Richie Richie, Richie, he's a chaser writer for the media setting. We'd spent hours trying to get his LGBT to me to play something off my YouTube. Look, again, I don't think watching things is. I mean, I think you just sort of. So what the TV experience now in the future is having like all these error messages about the connection failing.

Yes. But on a massive screen. Like that error message would be a metre wide. And you'd be able to clearly see that message. My eyes are getting bad in my old age. Because there wouldn't be any cable clutter getting in the way of the error messages. Absolutely. But how does it power itself with no cables?

Well, this is the one flaw in the thing is it does actually have one cable, which is the electricity cable. So even in the promo photos, you can see that there's a cable. Because you're supposed to hang it on your wall or something. But there is a cable. Oh, this is another great thing about LG. Again, my experience with my LG OLED TV that I have, about six months into owning it, it just completely broke. And I had to get it serviced.

So had I hung it from the wall, I would have had to somehow detach it. Like, if it's screwed it on the wall, it would have taken half a day to get it down. I probably would have taken most of the wall with it because it was so heavy. Yes. But I think realistically, and knowing you, Dom, you probably wouldn't have bothered to get it fixed. And it just would have hung them.

It would have been useful because it means you don't have to go and get it repaired. I must say. Remember, it is three metres big. What car can you put it on? You'd have to bring a massive semi-trailer down to the house. I must say, I have seen some of these kind of frame TVs that Samsung's put out recently. Yes, they're very nice. And they're beautiful.

They've got a matte screen and they come to all this art built in. Yes. And it can scroll through some of the great art. kind of in the canon of beautiful artworks, which is brilliant because it already has the content on it, because it's impossible to get any other content onto the TV. To be honest, I don't think those sorts of frame TVs will ever really capture what you get in real life

when you go and see the real art, which is like thousands of people in front of you jostling. Yeah, and also, when you have a TV on your wall showing beautiful masterpieces from Van Gogh or whatever, you don't have your child demanding to be bought stuff at the gift store and at the gift shop. That's what is the gallery experience for me these days. Anyway, so you've got two kids.

Yeah. How much would you pay to have a three-meter TV, you know, like assuming you can get it working? Would I need to give them both my children or only one of them? Well, oh, I see. Well, I don't know. How much does it cost? Because this one costs $25,000 is the price of this TV. How much it is to get it so that it works?

You mean one with all the cable? On all the cable. $25,000 for a mass... And that's a huge TV. Yes. I suppose if you're rich enough to have a house that it could fit in, it wouldn't matter. Yes, and also you'd be able to employ someone to actually connect all the Bluetooth to both. You'd have somebody on standby.

Yeah, what you'd do is you'd give a spare, one of your many spare rooms to a teenager. Yes. If you actually connect the technology to us. I love it. Okay. The Chaser Report. News you know you can't trust. So, okay, so there you go. That's one thing that you may want to consider.

If you want to go in a different direction, pick up a withings, you scan. Oh. Guess what a withings you scan? I know a bit about whittings. I've got a whithing smart scale. So do I. And what that does is when I stand on it every morning, it makes me sad about how much of my body is fat and how much weight I have not long, how much weight I've gained since yesterday.

Yes. So I already hate withings. And are you, is yours connected to the internet? Yes. Yes. Yes, yes. And does it tell you the weather each morning? It tells you the weather each morning. Yes.

Which is fantastic. If I want to know what the weather definitely isn't going to be, I look at what it says on the Whithing Smart Scale. And have you recently updated the firmware on yours? I don't know that I have. See, this is why Charles and I are actually quite techy. I don't believe we both own the same smart scale. Yep.

I haven't updated the firmware, no. So if you don't want the Whithing's health app to know, I think it's called HealthMate, the HealthMate app, to know how much you will. way, what you should do is you should update the firmware on your scale to the latest version. Right. Because what it has done is, even though my Whittings smart scale is still connected to the internet, shows me the weather and everything like that, it no longer communicates with my

health mate app having updated. So the weather bit works, but the core functionality of the device. Yes. Well, you know why. Whittings, I think, is a French company. Oh, yes. Above a level of fatness, they just don't want to know. Yes, they're disgusted by it.

Too many croissants. Yeah. No, it's that whole thing French women don't get fat and not a French man. I do, and I just didn't want to know me. I've got to buy an American smart scale. That'll be more forgiving. I imagine the scale is sending my weight somewhere out onto the internet. Presumably to China somewhere.

Right. It's just not arriving on my... No. Because it's still connected to the internet. It's just leaking it out. It's probably sending it to Medicare, and then it ends up on the dark web. Or the Medibank. That's right.

It's probably going straight to Medibank, and you will find that your health insurance will be declined for some reason because of your weight. Anyway, Whithings, you scan, right? And it's a U, it's the letter U. What do you think that refers to? What is this product? I think it has additional senses that never previously included in a scale that find a new way to shame you. What would it be for some sort of body? It's not a scale.

It's not a scale. It's another type of problem. Okay. A new scan? I can't imagine. Is it maybe some sort of rod that you run over your body and it detects fat and makes you feel bad about yourself in an entirely new way? No, it is a device that you put into your toilet and it scans your urine. You for urine. You for urine. I don't know why they didn't call it a P scan. Yeah, that would have made much more sense. It makes a lot more sense because P is P.

Well, P also is for poo. That would have been, yeah, maybe that's a U. it's a we scanner and the idea is you know how like i about five years ago i had to have a urine test to check my kidney health sure and you get one you know maybe once every 10 years this scanner you can check your kidney health every day wow i can't imagine is that useful like well i mean my dad is a kidney specialist so he might all that i know is that it's very useful uh to analyze your urine to know whether your dehydrated or not because deodoration is very bad for you Fortunately, it's quite easy to do that by looking at the colour of the wheel. If it's clear, you're doing great.

If it's yellow, you're doing terribly. So I can't imagine what additional function the use can't have. But I'll tell you what I want to try it out. Yes. Well, the good news is that you can use it to check your kidney health. And what it does is it sits inside the bowl. Of course it does. You're sort of weeing onto the scanner.

But if you want to, you could swap it out. Your wife could swap it out each time she goes to the toilet. and use the menstrual cycle tracker. Oh. Which is a different cartridge. You can't have both at the same time. No, of course. And what you want to do with the device that's constantly exposed to pee is have to change it.

You change it every time. So that's very useful. Are we really willing to trust a smart device to sit in our toilet bowl and not have a camera attached to it? You just imagine the misuse of this thing. Yeah. Well, that'll be version 2.0, won't it? you have a camera you can get you share it to Instagram share your urine results yeah the you actually doesn't sound for your urine

it's upskirting anyway and if you want to get there and the good thing is it connects to an app so cost it it downloads all the information about your urine to your health app unless of course you update the firmware and I really do feel I'm in the future what other delights are there at CES yes a bit of a bit of of a warning with this next one which is it hasn't quite been released yet but it will be there was a concept car at c es it was called the bmw i vision d oh the d ae uh stands for display right and the whole idea is that instead you know how some cars especially about 10 years ago could project using i think lasers or something the speed of your car the speedometer reading

onto your windscreen yeah heads up to spy i've said I've seen that. That's a gratitude. What BMW has gone, no, that whole windscreen should just be a screen. It should literally be a computer screen. So the problem with cars is that we've been looking at the windscreen. Whereas in fact, we should have the entire windscreen as a giant TV screen. Yes, and they've got five levels of information, right?

So level one is your speed, right? And you can get that projected on your screen. Hang on. So am I just looking at a blank screen, which is a number instead of what's in front of me? No, no, no. You can see through it. Okay. Well, for levels one to four, you can see through it. Okay.

Right. And so, and it just adds more and more information, including like your maps and everything. Over the actual glass. Over your windscreen. Interesting. Then, level five is the cool one, which is, and it's not intended for, like, it's intended for to use while you're driving along, as long as you don't actually have to drive the car, right? It will only work properly in full self-driver mode

where the car drives itself because it turns your windscreen like you can't see out of it and it turns it into a sort of interactive AR sort of thing or slash movie cinema. That's so, oh, thank goodness BNW's fan. Because you know BNW drivers sometimes, Charles. I know this is an awkward subject.

Occasionally they have to drive through poor people's suburbs. where BNW owners don't live. And in that scenario, they could simply black it all out and not see the results of the terrible systemic inequality that they perpetrate. Wouldn't that be wonderful? And just, I mean, because police drive B&Ws now. And they could just go through some of it's not enough to deal with any negative

consequences of their own action. Yes, and, you know, like if they happen to run over a kid or something like that, you'd just feel the bump that you wouldn't necessarily know. It wouldn't even be hit and run. You wouldn't have to see the riots that your actions are perpetrated around. Exactly. I love it. The other thing that this car has is the screen extends not just to the wind screen,

but also the outside paint is all e-ing. And so you can, and it's colour e-ink. So you can literally change the colour of your car with the press of a button, which I think will be incredibly useful for bank robbers of the picture. Yes, absolutely. Because if you're in a getaway, you go, oh, look, there's a red car making getaway, turn the corner, flick the switch, suddenly you're in a blue car or a black car, you know. and be very useful.

It would be very useful until you activate the full autonomous screen when you inevitably crash. Because as you probably heard, Charles, Tesla's had to admit that basically can't do autonomy. It's essentially impossible. So you'll apparently will crash into a wall, probably killing you. But until it does, you can watch Fast and Furious.

Yeah, it'd be great. And then the other feature of this car is that you can have a conversation with your car. And it's worth actually change. checking out the video of the demonstration they did at CS because it's almost like you're talking to a human being is an unbelievably smart car, right? And the reason why it's like you're talking to a human being is BMW later admitted that they hired an actor

who was out the back listening to all the questions from the reporters and just it wasn't a robot. I mean, that's real smart technology. That is true. It sort of reminds me of the big TV where you live in human. And then finally, I'll just give you one last welcome to the future. Are you, at this point, are you excited about all this, child? You're excited about the future.

The last one is, and I know this is going to fucking astound you, but it's a Dolby in-car sound system. Wow. Yeah. So you'd be able to listen to audio in your own car. Are you serious? Yes. Like almost like a car stereo?

Or is it Dolby Atmos? It's Dolby Atmos. It's so it's Dolby Atmos 2.0, which is previously only available in cinemas. Oh, my God. So it's cinema level audio quality. You know, all you have to do is buy a Mayback. A Maybach. Of course it's in a Maybach.

Yeah. So, Charles, if I remember, the Dolby Atmos, it's an amazing technology. What it does is you can have unlimited sort of points of sound in 360 degrees. Yes. Sort of like a sphere. Yes. So if you go to the movies, let's say you're watching, I don't know, Avatar, Wave Water. Yes.

The giant kind of dragony things or whatever can sound like the whizzing past your ear. They're coming from behind you. Yeah. So any audio you listen to in Dolby, Atmos, will massively distract you from driving. Yeah. Because you'll think something, like something's literally attacking your head. Yeah. And you'll just look away and crash into something.

Yeah. That is amazing. Yeah. It is good. How do we cope without this one? Yeah, exactly. And I think the key there is. What you should do is you can match the soundscape to outside.

So what you do is, you know, say you're driving through a countryside, you'd put on a Dolby Atmos soundscape of a farm with, you know, cows mooing and birds flying over, which would be much better than, say, rolling down windows and listening to it. And I do hope when you drive through like the inner city, you have the authentic sounds of someone sounding, fuck you, you wish, wanker, through the sounds. I mean, perfect, you know, digital Dolby Atmos. Yeah, yeah.

Be lovely. So there you go. That's the first episode of Welcome to the Future. I'm off to go and weigh myself on my Widdings Smart Scale. And if anyone knows where the information about my way is going, if they could, you know. And if you have the tech now to help us remix this podcast in Dolby Atmos 2.0. Dolby. So that the one person who has that technology in the world can listen to it and sound as

Our voices are whizzing around them in an annoying way. Podcast at chaser.com.com. We'll be back tomorrow, but this segment will be back next week. Yes, check out for another Welcome to the Future next week in your feed. Geer is from Road and we're part of the Iconiclass Network. Catch you later.