The Chaser Report - 101 Ways To Survive Inflation | Andrew Hansen

Episode Date: March 8, 2023

With the RBA raising interest rates again (help!) Andrew Hansen and Dom Knight come to the rescue. Come ready with something to takes notes, if you wanna save money in 2023 this episode has you covered. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is the Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report. Today you have Dom Knight and a significant upgrade, frankly, from Charles Firth, in the form of Mr Andrew Hanson. Yes, about time we had a competent co-host for their show here, dommy. Oh, it's true. Nice to be in. Had a bit of a break from touring for a little while.

Are you at home or are you still being cheap on the road somewhere? Well, next stop on the tour is Canberra and then Melbourne, Dommy. Yes, I've been taking this show around, you know, teaching people how to save money, really. And look, people have been so grateful, you know. I think, you know, everybody walks out of the show a billionaire pretty much. My show is so useful as I'm such a finance guy, as you know. I mean, you've always been, the number of cost-saving ideas you've had for the chaser is just huge. I mean, particularly...

Just stop doing it. It's not doing anything. It's worked so well. It hasn't been good for income, but expenses have been way down. Well, expenses. That's the thing, you know. I mean, if you're driving a business into the ground like ours, just cease doing it. We should stop the podcast recording this very instant, Domney.

Oh, don't worry. Podcasting is a fabulous way to not make all that much money. If you want to help us, by the way, Chaser.com. You can subscribe to this thing. than a coffee. It is genuinely less than a coffee. It's like $3.99 a month. And I paid $5.20 for a coffee this morning.

I've got to get a different habit. That's the sort of coffee, by me. Donmy, that's because you're a coffee, you know, coffee snob. You know, a coffee aristocrat. I've got to get back on the international roast. On the roast or the 7-Eleven,

it's perfectly fine. It keeps you awake. Yeah. You don't need to drive us into the ground with these fluffy coffees. Oh, for me, it's lactose for me. Lactose hates me. And that makes me. And that makes every coffee cost double, basically.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I know. Look, me too, me too. I'm the same, but I don't drink coffee, but I do eat ice cream. And I know what you mean. I have to pay for all these fancy vegan ice creams and hide them from the people, you know, because you get beaten up if you buy vegan food. It's not a tough thing to do. So let's talk about some news stories.

We've actually got lots of people saving money and they need to because interest rates have risen again this week. So today's podcast is all about saving money, practical tips. just so that life can be less expensive. So a lot of people are feeling the pain, those lucky bastards who own houses in the first place. What on earth? But that's their main source of income. You can't do.

That's their customers. I need to think this through a bit more carefully. But let's look at interest rates going up again. And the Herald earlier this week in the age interviewed a mortgage broker who was struggling to make ends meet. This is someone who's literally making money out of home loans. and even he can't afford to buy a house apparently. He's delaying buying a house

and he's having to cut down on his expenses. How can people save money, Andrew? I guess international roast is one option. Yeah, well, this is a delicious irony to hear about a mortgage broker, Tommy. I mean, it's about time, isn't it? You know, those real estate people, those smoke young guys in suits

or raking it in just by sort of standing there, really. I mean, we've had years and years and years where these people literally didn't have to do anything to earn a fortune they just sort of stand in a house and go yeah come on in take a look around and then we'll sell it for twice what it was sold for last month he works for a company called I mean he works for a company called loan market unlimited which surely that's ir right but now there are limits yeah I don't think it's as unlimited as it was then maybe they should he should rename loan market now severely limited severely constraint yes

It would be the new name of his business. The most troubling thing about this article actually is that it says that to try and make ends meet and get a bit of extra money, he's working as a DJ on weekends. Can you imagine going out to a club and you've got a mortgage broker on the decks? How depressing that would be? But I love the fact now that that's the secure way of earning income. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, no, my full-time job in finance is no longer making ends meet. So instead I've turned to arts and entertainment.

It's a DJ, yeah, going and putting on events to people. When's that gone wrong in recent years? You know, maybe a bit of performance art, I imagine, could help bridge the gap. I mean, if you're struggling, you know, if your normal job is as a lawyer or a banker, then maybe you should be, you know, doing some mime work on the weekend just to get more secure. We love those statue busking. The guy in Sydney CBD, he just stands there with one leg up as though he's being, is tired. a skew is

as though he's being blown by the wind and that you can't walk past that guy without giving him money

that's right that's now that's now a sensible job that's a sensible job now dummy it's a career this is what

all of the in all of those sort of serious parents you know are turning to advising their children at

private schools they're saying listen spend less time studying economics and legal studies more time statue busking

you don't need a degree. This is what the world we're living. But it probably helps to have a tertiary qualification to work as a statue of busker, in physics, perhaps. Meteorology is dealing with a lot of wind. Anyway, it is rough. And I think, I mean, you and I as broadcasters these days to a degree, you know,

you're doing a show called Cheap. Surely you have some amazing money-saving initiatives. Because from what I understand, you're sleeping in your car, aren't you, as you travel around Australia touring? I can't no such luxury, Dom. No, I'm touring on a bicycle and I sleep on the bicycle. This is a very way of saving money. How do you manage to drift off or are you just so exhausted and run down by the crushing reality

of life in 2023 that you just fall instantly asleep on the bicycle seat? That's what I do. I can either just perch myself on the seat. Sometimes I like to just lay down on the ground and use the bicycle as a blanket. If it's a chilly night, you know, just put it on top of me. Yeah, because, you know, this is the two. Touring life, Domney, I've become a Kearney, you know, touring around these festivals. Carney, you have too.

I'm essentially, yeah, Karni doing the comedy festival circuit around Australia, sleeping under bicycles. I mean, if Chris Taylor were part of this conversation, he'd want you to sleep under Penny Farthings. Oh, yes, Chris is a big fan of Penny Farthings, yes. Or under a horse. I know Chris likes, he does like. He does love. Who can afford a horse these days, though? I mean, you know, Chris is a bit of a fancy pants, but who can afford a horse?

horse they're very expensive well a statue busker could afford one they're rolling in it dummy i mean i don't want to be uncouth i don't want to upset any listeners but you can't tell me that people with horses haven't been eating them i mean there's a lot of a lot of nutrition on the horse it'd be tempting now you know i mean given the price of groceries if you'd you know if you were like a teenage girl who owned a pony yes you'd probably be pretty tempted to just you know turn it into a burger, wouldn't you? Yeah, or kebabs. At this point.

No, you would have eaten it. I think so. So what else can we do to say? I can see, Dommy. Well, I think, Dommy, if you were a statue busker and wanted to, you know, rake it in even more, I reckon you could rope the horse in as part of your act, couldn't you? Because one of my favourite types of statues are those ones that you see around cities. There's always a, you know, some old general or a soldier on a horse.

They're on a horseback, you know. It's an equestrian pose, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you could just teach your horse to be very still, I think you could statue busk on a horse. And that way you wouldn't have to eat it. It could pay its way for it. He could be earning his income as part of your statue act.

And as long as you don't get cancelled, I think a lot of those old soldiers on horses, they get cancelled. They've been torn down. You wouldn't want to get torn down midway through doing your acts. That's right. You can imagine. And there's a whole bunch of angry university students.

Oh, do you know that that statue there used to run a slave plantation with hundreds of, you know, because they always did the most appalling things. They're fairly deserved. Things like blackbirding where they just kidnap people and sold them into slavery. Tear them down. Just as you're tearing them down, which we endorse, of course, we don't want to be cancelled, just make sure it's not a living and very skilled statue busker. It'd be very awkward.

It's something I think, yeah. I think the statue tear-a-downers are going to have to have to keep an eye out. Now, you're right, Domney, to just double check before you cancel a statue. Just make sure it's not a busker. Oh, it's very sensible precaution. The Chaser Report. More news. Less often.

One thing I've found is good as a money-saving tip is not washing. I mean, water rates are expensive these days. We got by without washing For millennia The notion that you need a shower every day Or a bath every day is ridiculous What are you need for If you could just go into a public toilet

And slosh a little bit of free water all over yourself Occasionally that's all you need You wouldn't be showering on tour would you Yeah no no no I mean men As you know Don't I mean we men have been avoiding Correct hygiene Even to this present day

We're ahead of women on this We know how to save money by not being hygienic, and it works a treat. Yeah, to fork out for any of those fancy soaps or things like that. You could dispense with, I would move this into other areas, Dommy. I think we should stop washing dishes. Oh, absolutely. Nothing wrong with a few leftovers on your plate the next day. Yeah, it's nutrition in many ways.

You wouldn't put them in the fridge because fridges are a waste of money. But if you leave it out and have it the next day, what's the worst that's going to happen? And if you get terribly sick, it means you don't have to spend any money on food that day. You save even more. I'm with you. I'm with you, Dom. If you have gastro. And why would you?

You certainly don't need a fridge if you've got a pony in the backyard. You can just carve off a slice as needed. Absolutely. Look, it's very sensible. The other thing I recommend is a money-saving tip. And personally, I was here years ago, and Andrew, you've got a ways to go, is baldness. I mean, I haven't spent money on a proper hair cut in a very lot. Some people have been...

A hundred dollars plus some people spend on haircuts. For me, it's never more than a pity 20 bucks for a buzz cut. It takes them three minutes. But I think even that, you know, I want to try and just do it myself. Buy a blunt razor. Just do it, do it myself. Save on 20 bucks. But Andrew, if you just managed to accelerate the rate of your balding, you'll save a mozzarella.

How can I do this, Domit? How would you recommend that I become bald? Because I am sort of cursed with a proper head of hair. I'll put my head of hair. He's quite expensive. Stress is good. Stress. So maybe...

I should just increase the levels of my stress. Well, yes. Okay. Well, I am stressed because I can no longer afford to pay for anything like everybody else. So we'll all be bald soon. The problem may take care of itself. I mean, genetics is a big part of it, which is kind of hard to do.

I mean, if you do have a way of modifying your own genes, you probably sell it and make money. But that's one. I mean, yeah. Other than that Exposure to radiation I mean I should just visit a nuclear reactor Yes Yes

Are there chemicals you can take If you went on If you took various medications It'd make your hair fall out For sure Oh yes Yes good idea Yes okay

That's a cost saving But also clothes I mean a lot of money It's been a long time since I spent much money On clothes admittedly But I think Do we really need more than I don't know

One change of clothes in this world I don't think we do. Do you need to change them at all? No, I'm sort of with you there too, Dommy. It'd be good if we could just buy, you know, buy your clothes for life, kind of like a house, you know, like people dream of buying a house one day. And usually, you know, maybe if you're lucky enough, you might be able to buy one and then you just stay in it for the rest of your life.

Yes, that's a dream many people have. It should be the same with a T-shirt. Absolutely. Just buy one, and then it serves you for the rest of your life. And they're made out of plastic. I mean, I know some of them are polyester. but if they were made out of the sort of same material as your art smock or whatever, you would just wipe it down or maybe just run a tap-o if you've got running water,

which I don't recommend. But if you do, if you're splashed out on running water, just rinse and it's ready to go immediately. You don't have to hang it out and dry it. Why aren't we wearing plastic bags? Much more sense. That's a durable, that's a durable material. And it might say it might solve the recycling crisis we've got as well.

Because soft plastics are a big problem. All those soft plastics that you're, got at home, you know, dutifully saving them up to take to the supermarket, and we've been diddled on that. You can just wear them. Yeah, Red Cycles scammed us. Well, there's where, this is what we should do because it's costing supermarkets a fortune to get, to store all these warehouses full of crap that Red Cycle lied about recycling. What we need to do is get into those. Apparently there are fire risk. It's a big problem. Get in there. Get the soft plastic. Stitch them into t-shirts and nappies for babies and onesies.

And we could just feed, we could clothe the nation, Andrew, with beautiful soft plastics. Just just walk around. Bread wrappers. I think so. That's great. Plastic bags. Coles and Woolies and Aldi bags. Yeah.

All those things. I think, you know, cling film. Absolutely. I mean, that would be very sexy. It's great. Wearing cling wrap. Oh, look, I've tried it, I've tried it. I can, I must say.

It's a good look. It's a good look. I think we're saying. You don't want to wrap it too many times. Oh, you think there's a finite amount You can wear cling wrap Is that what you've found? Well, you know, if you wrap it too many times

It sets to bunch up a bit and becomes very tight I'd recommend just one How many times around before it becomes mummification? Yeah, well, exactly, yes, it's turning into a different thing altogether Once you've gone too many times around Yeah And I recommend not doing it around your head

Over your face, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just a little bit claustrophobic Quite waterproof. roof. If you do wrap it a few times around your nose and mouth. Oh, yes. Oh, absolutely. You're not going to get troubled by rain.

You can go out in all weather's. I mean, I wouldn't restrict it to just that. A baking paper, I reckon that can make a pretty good outfit too. You can make a whole house out of baking paper, a shelter. You stitch it together? Yeah. So look, there are many, there are so many answers. I feel like we've provided a huge public service here.

I feel we've basically solved the crisis. It was feeling a little bit. bleak there, but there's no need to be bleak, no need to worry when you just remember the giant warehouse is full of soft plastics. They were seen previously as a fire hazard as a problem. Now

we see them as a source of potential, Andrew. I feel encouraged by the conversation we've had. You well done, Dommy. Good news to us. All right. Well, look, our work is done. We can retire. You won't be able to afford to see Andrew Hanson is cheap at the forthcoming gigs, of course, but

you can maybe go and sit near the venues where they're on and try and just just listen and just maybe you'll hear the faint sound of laughter and maybe the maybe a guitar or a piano you can do that actually yeah if you want to come and sit outside in that room people are enjoying Andrew's performing um check out mr Andrew Hanson.com and I'll hopefully see you out the back of the the venue would you sign an autograph for someone who who was too poor to come in but it'd come to listen in in the faint hope of hearing one joke Yeah, sure, sure

I'm a very generous autograph giver to the poor You are This is how I help you see It's like arms for the poor Arms for the poor At hands Hansen for the poor

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