The Chaser Report - A Beer Reviewed Study

Episode Date: May 27, 2026

BREAKING: Booze bad. Jury's still out.---Listen AD FREE: https://thechaserreport.supercast.com/ Follow us on Instagram: @chaserwarSpam Dom's socials: @dom_knightSend Charles voicemails: @charlesfirthEmail us: [e-mail] CEO’s Super-yacht upgrade Fund: https://chaser.com.au/support/ Send complaints to: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to an extremely depressing episode of The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. I guess the thing about higher-level podcasting, Charles, is we've got to follow the stories where they lead us, right? Yes. And where the science leads us, we've so often talked about climate skeptics or whatever, and I've had plenty to say. Yes. But sometimes, Charles, if the science leads us, we're so often talked about climate skeptics or whatever, and I've had plenty to say.

Yes. Sometimes, Charles, if the science leads you to a conclusion, science leads you to a conclusion, you've just got to be honest about it. You've got to be up front and speak the truth, Charles. What's science telling you today? Well, and you look, I beg you to just turn off now so you don't have to listen to this story. This could be a life-changing episode. Of all the ones we've ever done, this could be the most life-changing for you and for everybody.

But they did a study of all the studies on alcohol. A meta study. A meta study reviewed all the evidence from decades of really quite comprehensive research. And they've come to the conclusion that alcohol causes widespread damage to nearly every organ in the human body. And researchers say the harms of alcohol outweigh any potential benefits by a significant margin. Is this news? I look at I look this up to try and figure out where you're getting this. I'm getting a study from 2023 from the World Health Organization saying no level of alcohol consumption is safe for a health.

This one's from the 13th of May, 26. Yep. And it was conducted by Sinclair. You're going to tell us who it is because we need to be able to attract the attack them. The Harvard School of Public Health. Oh, Harvard. Those are leadists. And then the Canadian Center of Substance Use and Addiction.

You can't trust Canadians. Neither. I mean, neither of those organizations. I think this might be a nothing burger, Dom. I think that just having seen that it's only from Harvard and Canada, I mean, Canada as a country non-starter, they're enemies of Trump. I mean, my question is, were the people who were researching this doing a study, were they sober at the time?

Because I don't think I trust them. Let's take some ads. Have a drink. And then it will come back and analyze this story. So, Charles, this, if you believe that enacted on it, it. Yes. This might be a transformative thing.

Because, I mean, I don't think, I don't think it's any particular secret to listen to the podcast that you don't mind a drink. There have been the odd episode here and there where you're slightly and very charmingly, may I say, tipsy. Enhanced. Enhanced. It's actually how I prefer to. That's right.

We're going to have the impaired games, right? That can still go ahead. It's still safer than the enhanced games. When ever I get pulled over for breath testing, you know, have you been drinking? Well, I'm driving while enhanced. I'm training. I'm training. I'm training.

I mean, trading. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, I have in recent years become much less of a drinker, I must say. Yeah. I've cut down. I think that middle age just gets you like that, doesn't it? I mean, it's not possible to drink like we used to.

Well, do you know, do you know the big thing I've done? Oh, how did you do it? Well, it's not particularly deliberate, but I've never been a person who drank at home. Right. So I never really drink it. So I never really drink it. So I, I, when I, for many years, lived by myself, I never drank at home.

Well, I think that my life was already so miserable and lonely that the last thing I needed was adding booze into the equation. A pick me up. Yeah. And that was absolutely not a good idea. Yeah. And then, yeah, my wife and I, we aren't really drink. Because we did during COVID. Yeah, yeah, you get during COVID.

That didn't help. I mean, and also that wasn't, that doesn't count. Drinking during COVID. No, that's true. You know, should have been excluded from the study. It's probably. That's probably the mistake they've made is they probably included all the COVID data. When that doesn't actually count like all the drinking that we did then.

I mean, that was how we made it through. That's what we're telling us. It probably is actually more to do with all the health effects of COVID that they've covered. Well, we don't know the long-term health effects of COVID, do it? And it affects every organ. It affects every organ in the body. I've heard people say that of COVID. This is what's going on.

They've mistaken, these stupid Harvard academics have mistaken. correlation for causation. And as it, well, they might have been drunk at the time, actually. In fact, it's possible. So, look, one of the interesting findings, apparently, is also that nobody cares. Are you serious? I actually believe that that's true. A second study showed that the scientists could just fuck off.

Yeah. Just shut up. Yeah. So, so I think that that's, that shows that they've got some level of. Is that going to be your approach? Well, the thing I'd say, Charles, too, and one of our colleagues, the one who's usually advocating boring lifestyle choices, which isn't me, curiously, has for years been touting the benefits of zero alcohol drinks. Oh, yes. What a goody, too.

I must say, I think I completely disagree with that. Oh, okay. I cannot be more scathing about, because all that you get, if you have an alcohol beer and I've tried them all, is a worse. tasting beer. Yes. That doesn't do the one thing that beer is meant to do. Like, why am I taking on those calories? Why am I ingesting something that doesn't taste all that good? Yes.

If it's not making me drunk, if it's not making me confident. It's all the benefit of being able to piss all night. And, you know, getting a spare tire around you, around your waist. Yeah. Without any of the feelings of false confidence. I mean, I'm not someone so overburdened with confidence that I can afford Charles to take on dear alcohol stuff, if I'm wanting to be more sociable. Wondering whether this breaches any guidelines about talking about alcohol positively.

Are they broadcast? I suppose we're not covered by broadcasting guidelines. There's that. I'm pretty sure. When we started at Triple M, they sort of ran us through the principle that you weren't allowed to sort of. Clarify alcoholism. Yeah.

Yes. I don't think your contributions to the podcast over the years have been one that promotes drinking. Well, I must say, I don't know about you, Don, but even if I've just had one beer, I really feel like, especially when you're performing, that it really takes the edge off. Like, I would never perform a Wankanomics show having drunk any alcohol at all. Oh, really? Yeah. You always perform sober.

Always sober, yeah. Really? In fact, touring has, this has been. some of the most sober periods of my life. I thought, well, that might be because you're with a professional. James. That's what it is. Yes.

Because, I mean, you had a beer before our show on the live. Oh, that's because the chaser report. Yeah. I had one. It didn't be in good mood. I just had one. It is enjoyable, but you sort of, you notice that you're just not quite as sharp. You're definitely not as sharp.

Yeah. And having seen when economics, Charles, all the sharpness you can bring to that for it. No, no. But it's true. You do need to be honest. And you do notice that your brain works more slowly. And I think, look, I've always thought, you know, it would be interesting to do a sort of wankanomics. Cut.

You know, like, do, yeah, do something where you have five beers and then go ahead and perform waganomics. Especially the shows where we've done, you know, a hundred of them. Yeah, yeah. So we know it. It would just be, it would be a very different loose show and everything. You can listen to the Chase Report episodes, which you recorded drunk. By the way, I don't want to drop you. It would definitely be, it would be fun to do.

I just don't think it would actually be fun to watch. For the audience. Yeah. But I've just missed a call from Craig Grecastle. You must know that we were talking about. Oh, no. Is there our coal beer? How does he know that?

But Charles, we also, we did experiment with this when we did the Chaser Report at the Harold Park a few years ago. Yes. And it's been very fun in the room. It was so fun. It was really fun in the room. Actually, you're right. But the episodes were unlistened.

They were, yeah, we didn't even put them out, didn't he? So some of them we didn't put out here. So the idea was, if you remember, and this still could work, that we do the first half sober. Yes. Put that one out. Then the second half you have a drink and that's the private one. And you say things that you would never say on air.

But I think that that's disrespecting your audience. You want to say everything on air that you would ever say. Isn't that, that's the promise that you get here. That's the Carl Sanderland's approach. Hasn't that been vindicated in hindsight? The Chaser Report. Now with extra whispers. So look, let us know what you think.

Podcast at chaser.com. We can kind of do a little bit of talk back on this. Are you going to change your ways in response to this? Oh, to this? Or, no, no. Because, I mean, it just helps us plan. Do we do more shows in pubs? Because it feels like within minutes of doing a show in a bar, Charles.

The universe has said, no, our goal's dangerous. Or maybe we're now bad boys. Yes, we can re-define ourselves, if you will. Instead of being the prim and proper establishment that we've always been on. We've been pillars of the establishment. Pills of the establishment. We can be respectable we've been. Yeah. Do you think it would lead to, like if we started having lots of live events,

because I quite like the idea. I really enjoyed the live event. It was a really fun event. Well, let us know if you want to come, yeah. And could it be like tism where it's then a whole lot of damage? Did you see that thing? Oh, you trash the venue. Yeah, yeah.

They've tonighted and playing the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra. I think that was. It was quite fun. It was great. Yeah, while playing Marla's symphony or something. It wasn't a complete exoneration at themselves. But no, I mean, Charles, we have said that this is the year we're going to do a gig at the opera house. Yes.

We were very flexible about which bit of the opera house it was. Yeah. It may just be us sitting on the steps in microphones. But I think we should aim high. I think we should go for it. Yeah. The only problem with me doing it outside, on the steps of the Opera House is wouldn't you just have drones falling on your

dog? Well, we could do one of those big Opera House gigs that pisses Ellen Jones off so much. And what we could do is. In the forecoy. Yeah, we could do that in the forecoy and we could get drunk. It could be the experiment. That could be the experiment. We do.

Now, I think the way we do it from now on and, you know, yeah, please do contact us as we develop because I think we need to design an experiment. And we've got to do a sort of A, B. You know how you sort of do. A, B testing. It's essential. And so I think what we do from now on is we, what we should do is a series of podcasts where we do an episode about a certain topic sober. Right.

And then we get drunk and we do the same topic drunk and we release them as an AB. Interesting. And see which one's better. And see which one the audience likes more. And you know the proper way to do this is to do it in Vegas. Oh, yeah. Why? I call it the enhanced podcast.

The enhanced games. What's the opposite of enhanced? Well, we've already said it, impaired. The impaired. The impaired podcast. Yeah. And we've already, several episodes ago, we were going to put on an athletic festival with very drunk contestants.

But I think this is probably more legal to just have a podcast or people get drunk. Yeah, I really like that idea. Okay. Okay. What happens in Vegas gets put on the podcast feed. Okay. But we won't be able to record it at your home because you don't drink at home. That's true.

Yeah. And I don't think I can get into Vegas. Yeah. Because it's unclear whether I can get a visa to the US given that I wrote a book making fun of Donald Trump once upon a time. I mean, I didn't really move the needle in terms of the US electoral cycle. But they do search your background. No, they do.

Yeah. Have you tried to get into the US since that? No, God, no. No, no. I think it would be a bit like playing to the Germans in 1938 going over to the US. Well, they'd like the fact that you went up and made fun of Hillary Clinton at one point. Yes, that's what I would. Bill.

That's what I do. You could submit that in your defense. I'd make sure on the all the SEO when you search for Charles Firth, it comes up with the Hillary Killington thing and then straight through it. Can you, is SEO good enough that is a search engine optimization, by the way? Is it good enough that you could program it such that like Charles Firth is very mega, like for one day and then you take it off again? I don't know.

Surely. Surely you could do that. You can do anything. You just get Claude to do it for you. Just get GROC to do. Yeah. If you can convince GROC, it's. Yes.

You're MAGA. But that would be embarrassing. Even if it was just for a day, that would be very, well, you just have to be drunk during that entire day. And you wouldn't mind. Fits the experiment. So what you should, I think what we should do, Charles, to try and address this is find the scientists who've put out this study.

Yes. Get them on the podcast. Yes. Get them drunk. Yes. And see if they had the courage of their convictions under extreme circumstances. I mean, that, that I think, it would, it might be a blow to public health. Yes.

But in terms of podcasting, it's probably a victory. And I think that that is the way we should approach these new findings, right, which is get them to retract the study. Because what would RFK Jr do? He'd ignore it and just go and find it. No, Charles, let me put it to you this way. You've heard of peer review. Yeah.

We haven't had beer review. Okay. Yeah. Can you? See, that joke was good. Would have been better. Would have been better if we'd be. of laugh, boy.

Yeah, that joke, objectively did not deserve much. No. But after a few beers, that's a hell of a pun to make. So, okay, if you publish a study or whatever, you're going to have the courage of your convictions. It's like a Viva, a Viva Voche. You've got to defend your position while drunk. While drunk.

A vodka vodka. I don't know. Viva vodka. I don't know. I can't think good enough puns. Anyway, it sounds as though the podcast position is that we will reject this study entirely. Entirely, yeah. But that just can't.

Well, let's just wait. For more findings. What more happening? Yeah, yeah. This decades-long meta-studies is not enough evidence. We won't actually know the truth until we posthumously do my studies on your liver, Charles. I'm waiting until the autopsy. That's right.

Okay. Take that scientist. Charles would have said, hey, he'd not drunk himself, we'd do it early grade. Ah, it's funny for now, but Monday, maybe it won't be. We are part of the Oconiclass Network. For now. See ya.