The Chaser Report - A Fridge Too Far

Episode Date: November 14, 2021

The Chaser celebrate the most important of public holidays: Clean Out Your Fridge Day. To commemorate the team play a game of Fridge or No Fridge, and Aleksa shares his favourite fridge-based anecdote. Plus Charles has some (actual) news about his NOB Bank campaign! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today's episode of The Chaser Report brought to you by Sibling Rivalry. Today's episode of The Chaser Report is brought you by Sibling Rivalry. Are you seriously copying? Are you copying? Are you copying me right now? Are you copying me right now? Lachlan, are you serious? Lachlan, are you serious? Falkland, are you serious? Fuck!

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is the Chaser Report. Hello, and welcome to the Chaser Report for Monday the 15th of November 2021. Here with me are Gabby, Alexa, and Lachlan. No, and Zander. Sorry. Oh, that's Zander? I didn't look at you. You look the same.

You're basically the young white kids. Racist. Oh, now I know it's that. And Zander. Yay. Okay, can we edit out the part where I X. Sure. We'll definitely edit that out.

Do you hear that, Lockie? Edit out that part. Don't at all put it in the podcast. Good news this morning, guys. which is, NAB had their annual results last week. Nice, good for them. Shit tons of money. Oh, nice.

Wild. Crazy that a bank could do that. We've been running ads against them for the last couple of months on the Chaser website because we've set up this thing called Knob Bank and it's all about carbon. Because they fund a whole heap of terrible fossil fuel projects. Is it terrible? I thought they were making that whole coal port completely carbon neutral. Yeah, yeah, that's right.

The largest coal port in the... the world has just been given a big sustainability loan. That's correct. Yeah, they're just buying heaps of succulent plants they can put around the port. Yeah. You know, it's going to be nice and green. So the coal, it has nothing to do with the coal that they export it, so that they can sort of put solar panels on the port to more efficiently export the coal.

Anyway, point is, anyway, NAB, during their annual meeting last week, yeah. They committed to investing less in fossil fuels. How much less. In victory, they said they would reduce their exposure to fossil fuels from 2026 in line with the 2050 roadmap from the IEA, which is the International Energy Agency. So they made a commitment for like four and a half years time and they said reduce. This sounds like a year's resolution.

It's a victory. It's a victory for the chaser. They've been listening to us. Charles, this sounds like when you get to Christmas and you're like, you know what, I'm going to cut down sugar in the new year you get to new year's eve you get smashed drunk on new year's eve and you wake up the next day and you're like yeah i'm never drinking again no but it's it's actually more like you wake up on new year's day and you go i'm going to cut out drink in 2026 in line with the 2050 commitment like yeah what's what's reducing exposure

does that just mean they're face masks no they're just turning off the sun very slow libit short totally turning off the sun for a bit. And then, yeah, no one has exposure. It'll be great by 2050. Small wins, small wins, guys. Well, they've committed to not fund any new gas mining operations. When she says, unless the government thinks it's a good idea to do it, in which case they will do it.

When mum says we've got coal ports at home. It's like, oh, yeah, we won't make any new ones. We'll just use the big, bad, awful ones we've already got. It's sustainable. Unless the government says it's a good idea. And we know that our government's quickly progressing. I think it's great. It's a win.

Exactly. And, well, I think this is a win. Because our campaign was all about how NAB are really good at greenwashing. Yeah. They're sort of the best in the business. And in some ways, all these announcements just show how good they are at greenwashing. Yeah. They've become even better.

If anything, we've created more jobs in the greenwashing sector. Yes, that's right. We've bought net unemployment down. We're offering them a challenge. That's the thing. We call out their greenwashing. and they're being spurned on to make more. So maybe we should stop calling them out.

Yeah, maybe actually what we should do is congratulate them for doing fossil fuel and then they'll react against us. That's it. And they'll want to stop. Stop. All right, everyone on three say, yay, cold ports. One, two, three. Yay, cold ports.

Coming up on the show, it's national, clean out your fridge day. And I know that everyone, that's what's on everyone's mind. Charles. in the pitch document you didn't say we're going to talk i told you we're not going to do the fridge thing no this is all about fridges today but the whole i hate when dom's not here he said no dom said gabby i'm leaving you with charles don't let him talk about fridges all day we're calling this it's our version of a bottle episode except it's a milk bottle episode fuck well the rundown at the moment says uh the next segment is called fridge or no fridge

And then the segment after that is anecdote from Alexa about a fridge. I have no other option. Please, Gabby, I've got no other opportunity to talk about this fridge story. I need this episode. Oh, my God. Well, fridge lovers everywhere. Don't turn off that podcast. Also, listen up to this afternoon's afternoon bonus episode for Andrew Hanson.

Yes, Andrew's coming back and maybe even we can talk to him about fridges. No. The coolest comedian around. No. No. Now to Rebecca Deonamuno with the news. A mental health warning has been sent out to all fact-checkers in the country after pathological liar Scott Morrison told another lie,

saying that he has never told a lie while holding office. This blatant lie about his previous lies has led to fact-checkers around the country going on strike. Australia has declared war against the United States after Joe Biden announced a partnership with Australia's mortal enemy, China. In response to this announcement, the American government has begun their preparations to fight against Australia by invading an oil-rich Middle Eastern country. Taylor Swift's newest album, which is actually her old album,

has left fans in shock as they are given the latest gossip on a breakup that happened 10 years ago. In the re-release of the song we already knew all the lyrics to, fans were surprised to learn Taylor still does not plan on reuniting with an ex-boyfriend she dated a decade ago. Those are the latest headlines from the Chaser Newsroom. I'm Rebecca Deunamuno, and we are never, ever, ever getting back together. Today's episode of The Chaser Report brought to you by a sibling rivalry. Gabby, did you eat all my fruit loops?

No, I didn't. I was saving them. I paid for them. I didn't. I put my name on them. I didn't eat your fruit loops. Oh, so they just walked into my bowl, poured some milk in, and then ate themselves. I didn't eat your fruit loops.

And it's the day that's on everyone's lips, isn't it? Yeah, it's a national clean out your fridge day. Oh, of course. How did I forget? That's what was on my lips. It's legitimate. Check it out. So in the room, we've got, well, got everyone in the room.

Except for Dom. Loughlin, Zander, Alexa, and Gabby. Well, actually, before we get to the, we're going to have a bit of a game show. But before we do that, Lachlan, you've got some grievances about your fridge. Yeah, so as the office nark, I thought it's about time that I snitch on. Your official titles. That I found in the fridge. My first question is the Greek yogurt.

That's been in there for quite some time. That's been in there since I think when we got hired. I'm pretty sure it was there before lockdown. So Greek yogurt. Isn't that how yogurt's made? That is actually my wife's Greek yogurt. Oh, it's in there for sentimental reasons, I said. But, yeah, she's died.

Oh, off. No, but the other day, Zanda asked with her. Presumably, that's where you're keeping her ashes. I hope he's not keeping his ashes in that yogurt, because I had some on my final bit of Musley the other day. But isn't it incredibly off? It's a bit fizzy. Yeah, because I don't think yogurt goes off, off, does it?

I mean, you can still eat it. It just becomes more yogurt. Yeah, that's how yogurt grows. It just reproduces. Yogid is off milk. Yeah. So off yoghut is just like, yogurt's weird. Yeah.

Guess how out of date the yogurt is, knowing that it's November now. Oh, dear. I assume it's this year since you specified the month. Yeah, yeah. No, it'd be like, I don't know, October or something? Go back for September. Yeah, the 26th of September. You ate it?

I ate it last on Tuesday. I think it's still fine. Yogurt doesn't go off. Can I have a little bit? Yeah, it's just a bit of busy. I reckon you could have a bit of a bit of. Spoonful. No,

don't do it. There's no moth. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it's lumpy. Don't do it. Oh yeah. It's always lumpy.

At least stowed. Oh my God. It's not horrible. It's just very sour. It's fine. It's just a different consistency. It's just got clumps. We should start a brand of artisan yoga,

chase a fridge yoga. What's that? So the other thing that I'm holding here, we've got a few more items. This one here, it looks like it's some sort of Tupper food container. Yeah. I won't lie, Zander, I automatically assumed you.

It looks to be like... I did assume it was my container as well. It looks like vomit. No, it is it? Pasta. From like two days ago. I'm nowhere near as bad as you crassies. How do you guys keep your vomit fresh?

Shut up! If you'd need to vomit, you can just eat some of that yogurt. Well, if no one needs to vomit, you're about to. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. Wait, that looks so I can speak about it. This one, it's just a nice, for the audience who can't see, I'm just holding a nice little small keep cup.

Alexa, could you please open this? No, no. Don't get away from it, I can't. Is this Zanders? Wait, why am I the way? What is it? I'm not, I'm not doing it. What is it?

I don't know, but I know it's not going to be good. How does it open? Uh-oh. It's a twist, it's a twist top? I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared. I'm scared. It's twisting. This is it's a dangerous man.

No, it's not mine. Oh my God. How long is this milk thin in? Is it milk? Oh. Oh, oh, my God. Oh, wait, what is it? Hey, can we open the door in the studio? This is workplace endangerment.

You know it smells exactly like, I used to, um... Yogurt. I used to make sour cabbage over the winter. It smells like off cabbage, but I don't think you can fit any cabbage in this thing. So what was in here? Yeah, that's mine. Oh, no. What did you believe what's in the cup?

It's just milk. It's just milk. How was that milk? Why do you have just, hold on, actually. That smells nothing like milk. So how old is that? It's only a week, but... Right, it goes off.

Jesus. Thanks a lot, Lachlan. You've ruined my off yoga. Now I can't finish this. It does smell in here. On that note, on that happy note, let's do another round of everyone's favourite game show. Fridge or no fridge.

Charles, you said in your clause your new contract that you wouldn't do this game show again. Well, I know that we wrote the contracts up. We were like, no more fridge or no fridge. be about the game show, but I can't need to go to the bathroom so you guys do this one yourselves. Are you really? So this is, just for people who haven't, who don't know this game show, although I can't imagine any of our listeners would not know a wonderful thing that's fridge or no fridge. Oh, how could they forget?

Which is, I will read out of food, and you have to guess whether you keep it in your fridge or whether you should store it outside. Oh, we'll start with something simple. Eggs. Fridge. Eggs. Eggs. You are incorrect, Gabby.

No, you don't store eggs in the fridge. Because actually, if you store eggs in the fridge, it weakens their shells and it actually makes them, you know, less fresh. You're much better off storing them. In the chicken. Just in a cupboard, you know. Yeah, yeah. Just get a chicken carcass put in the cupboard.

Next one. Eggplants. Do you store them in the fridge? Well, if you want a cheeky eggplant, aka or bejean, I think you're still. store it in the veggie drawer of your fridge? Incorrect. What? No, you can store it out on the counter.

It won't make any difference. I mean, you can keep it in the fridge. You can keep it in the kitchen. It doesn't matter if you don't eat it. Okay. Salami meat. Salami meat. Frid or no fridge?

Anyone with European grandparents know you hang it in the bathroom. You don't know. Alex's just going, yep, yep. You hang them in the garage. Correct. Well done. Zander and Alexa. you're currently way in the lead.

Finally, oh, right, okay, this is a good one. This is going to fascinate everyone. Consider me fascinated. Pumpkin. Pumpkin. Not the fridge. Don't you put them on your front step. Happy Halloween.

Come on. No, fridge or no fridge? No fridge. No fridge. Correct. Sorry, are you telling me people are storing their pumpkins in the fridge? Why?

I thought that that was surprising. No. Wait, you store them with the onions and their potatoes? Yeah. No, no, no. Common facts. You can't store potatoes and onions over there. You can't store potatoes and onions together.

Why? That's what makes potatoes ripen too quickly. Really? Yes. That's why they turn green and you should never eat the green because the green is a neurotoxin. I don't think I've been shopping correctly. I mean nothing but the green from...

Ha ha ha ha! Today's episode of The Chaser Report brought to you by a sibling rivalry. Gabby, Mom says it's my turn on the Xbox. I just got on it. I want to play. Well, that's not fair. I just got here.

Mom, Gabby's not letting me play. Oh my God, okay, fine. I'll give it to you, but don't tell them, mum. So we've been celebrating National Clean Out Your Fridge Day today. And, Alex, you've come back into the studio because you've got a fridge store. I've had a lot of fridge adventures in my life. This one is at me. It's a very, very good family friend.

Sorry, just really quickly. Can I just say, we forgot Remembrance Day, but we're planning a whole fucking fridge episode. Well, it's relatable content, Katie. Is it? Yes. Oh yeah, for all the people who are clocking, clean out your fridge day on their calendars at home.

But I think it'd be a bit hacked to remember Remembrance Day anyway. Like, wasn't it more satirical and meta that we forgot it? But also, like, what happens if you forget Remerance Day? Literally nothing. If you forget cleaning out your fridge, you have to live with that stench. Yes. Lest we forget. get.

Also, we've already had Anzac Day this year, right? We've celebrated the diggers enough. All right. Back to the fridge, Alexa. Yes, yes. Yeah, come on. Important. It's very important.

It's very important. It's applicable to all of anyone who's listening to this who happens to eat pigs' heads like the Serbian community does. But we had a big old celebration and you have a pig on the spit and it's all really lovely. And then like the tradition goes that the kind of prized guest gets to take home the head to eat themselves. and it's like, it's delicious and it's really nice.

Anyway, one of my family friends, this woman, she gets to take home the pig's head. Her name's Tanya. Big pig or small pig? Oh, it was a big pig. You wouldn't, small pigs offensive. You know, you've got to make sure there's more than enough for everyone. And how did they choose her to be the person?

Oh, you should see her. She's beautiful. She's eloquent. She always gets the head. Oh, right. So she has this at home. And she thinks, okay, you know what, I'm going to take this to work and eat it there because, you know, I don't have lunch and this is great. I'll take the pig's head to work.

So she's got this wrapped up pig's head in the fridge at work. And she's sorry there, it's all kind of fine. And then it turns out, like, surprisingly, she gets corn to the boss's office and she gets made, like, redundant that day. Like, she has no idea this kind of surprising. And she's so, like, frazzled. She, like, cleans out her desk and just, like, gets at the car, goes home, forgets that she's left his pig's head in the fridge. And everyone who's there at work is now assuming that she's done this, like, revenge gesture. Yeah, because, um, it's like, how dare you fire me?

He's a severed head of a pig. But to be thankful and classic Anglo-Saxon nature, no one ever brought it up. The pig's head just sat there. How did you eat at pig's head? Because I'm imagining it's like a watermelon where you just sit it in your lap and you scoop out to eat inside. It's the best thing about pig's heads, it's choose your own adventure. There's so many ways to go in. You can go in through the mouth, through the ears.

You can pick off the cheeks. There's just so much. Are the cheeks the most tender part? Yeah, some lovely meat on the cheeks. Have you ever been the guest of honour like so? I've, no, but I have eaten the pig's head when I wasn't allowed. Oh, well, if we ever pig's head end up in the office, I'm sure we'll know who to blame. Our G is from road microphones, and we are part of the ACAS Creator Network.

And leave us a five-star review and talk about way. you would leave a pig's head on an iTunes. And remember, clear out your fridge. Fucking hell. See ya. Bye.