The Chaser Report - Adelaide's Bad Blood With Taylor Swift

Episode Date: February 15, 2024

Charles is in Adelaide, where he has discovered the people there are furious at Taylor Swift for robbing them of $100 million. Dom makes fun of Charles' show "Wankernomics 2.0". Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Hello, Charles. Now, we're not in the same place, tragically. Because you, for some reason, insist on going and doing this live stage show, Palava, again. Oh, I know. It's difficult being as successful as me when it comes to live shows.

The life of a showman. Yeah, I noticed there haven't been any more live episodes of the podcast. You did one when I was overseas with Craig and that whole art gallery episode that seemed quite fun. Well, how can you top perfection, Don? I mean, there was nowhere to go. I mean, I sort of, I feel for Taylor Swift in a way. I feel for Taylor Swift because she's at the peak of her career, the only way is down from here. I mean, the year has to her, has broken all records.

She's at an artistic peak She's at a sort of Like pop culture peak And I feel I'm very much in the same camp I feel like You know we did Well you're just the person to analyse it Because as one of the presenters

Of a show called Wankanomics You're both a wanker And across the economics At the live touring industry But Charles I understand that people in Adelaide Where you are now They've got some sort of a beef Oh they hate Taylor Swift

She's made a huge Jerra. She's made an absolute catastrophic error. We'll find out what that is after this short commercial break. Now, look, speaking of Taylor and Hugh Jerers, I've just seen the news that in Kansas City, the celebration has featured multiple shootings. So I presume she wasn't near there because didn't you have to fly straight from Japan to the Super Bowl then onto Australia? But I guess it's a traditional American celebration. So in the scheme of that, is she doing? better or worse than the Kansas City Chief Celebration? Or do you think she orchestrated it?

And the whole, oh, I've got to leave the city the moment my show ends was just an elaborate alibi. Well, when you say she orchestrated it, what you're really saying is the CIA and Joe Biden orchestrated it. Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, that's what happened. That's how it works in America, isn't it? They planned it all. And then she went, okay, so it's really important that I leave. So I've got an alibi.

And then it would have been her body. double that actually left, so that everyone thought she'd left. This is fabulously sinister. I love it. I don't think Australia is going to have the same problems as America when it comes to just random acts of gun violence. Well, you say that, but Adelaide are pretty rile. Well, yes, exactly.

Have guns come to Adelaide yet? A guns around in Adelaide, if they got that? No, they're sort of more acid-barthy type people still. Oh, yeah. It's all old school. Don't piss off an Adelaidean who has access to barrels. No. And you know what they all do?

They're winemakers, Charles. There's barrels fucking everywhere in that place. Oh, I know. Look, if I don't make it back from Adelaide, just know that my body will never be found. Never, never. The barrel might be found, but not the body. Wow.

Okay, so be careful what you say. You're going to be in Adelaide for a few weeks. Just plug your thing quickly before we get into Taylor. Yeah, yeah, okay. So I'm doing Wayneconomics 2.0 as per my last email. I'm pleased to say, first show already signed. We've had to add a second show on the Saturday night because it's just selling so well, which is this Saturday.

So, and yeah, and a lot of the shows towards the end of the tour are also selling very fast. So if you do want to see it, the guy who organises the whole thing rang us the other day and said, I reckon you're going to sell out your whole run. That's good. So, I mean, I don't want to be unkind, but managing to interest to people of Adelaide is a bit of lower bar but if you're selling out in other places as well you could be on something although that's it to be fair this is you're at the festival time right like this is the time in adelaide's great well what see what we've done is we're doing a

sequel to our last show and we've worked out what the actual formula for attracting an audience is yes which is something that the australian television industry has known for years and hollywood is known for years which is to just do the exact same thing that you did last year again just slightly different audiences don't like to be delighted and surprised by new things. They just want a sort of general rehash, you know, with a bit more updates and, you know, a little different funny twists as last week.

Yeah, I mean, I saw the war on 2023, Charles. I saw the references to things that happened earlier than 2023. I saw what you think. I must say, congratulations creatively, on managing to form this amazing creative partnership with James Schleffel, who is a fabulous comedy writer. I'm just so pleased you managed to find yet another white guy to work. with after the chaser and then Mark Humphreys.

Yeah, no, it was, um, yeah. And I really like that what you've done is, but by the two of you being up there in suits, it's as though it's like a parody of like white men, you know, corporate, corporate, whatever, while also, uh, unparadically perpetrating the same thing. That's fair, that's fabulous. Charles, well done. No, no, it's the perfect thing. Only us could, could parody white men as well as us.

Yeah. Like, it's the role that we were born to make. It's very clever at the patriarchy. to work out how to make money out of deconstructing the patriarchy. I mean, full credit to you both. But this year, we've dispensed with the full suit. Really? We're rolling up our sleeves because we're overpaid consultants now.

So we're rolling up the sleeves. We've got out of whiteboard. There's a lot of props. I miss being an overpaid consultant. I never was very long, but it was glorious. Glorious. Did you work for the firm that bought Virgin? I've worked, no, I've worked for a couple of kind of big consulting

firms. And I never was even seeing you enough in them to sack anyone. So I didn't really have the full experience. Do you have any inside information that you can trade on? Or you could tell the listeners to trade them? I used to. I used to have market sensitive information. Unfortunately, I'm not trusted with that anymore.

Did you ever use it? No, I didn't do any insider trading. All the training said you shouldn't. And I wasn't there long enough to ignore it. It's probably why they had to let you go. This guy's not even trading. What a loser. in the thing he's work.

That's right. Shouldn't I have shared in the upside of the secret information that I knew about? That's right. Anyway, Adelaide is very pissed off with Taylor Swift. Okay.

And it's because the Adelaide advertised it yesterday, full front page news, was she's not coming to Adelaide. Right. And that has cost the state of Adelaide, or the city of Adelaide, a hundred million dollars in lost revenue.

If she'd come here, And everyone would have bought tickets to a show, it would have cost about $100 million. And that would have been economic activity that they could add to the GDP by giving it to Taylor so she can take it on her jet. Yeah, I'm quite confused. So presumably this is $100 million of which $99 million would have gone to Taylor if she'd come. But there would have been some dreads. Oh, no, no, actually, I think about 97 million of it would have gone to ticket tax. Oh, yes, of course.

Ticket fees. Yeah, that's right. A million goes to Taylor and then, no, no, but it generates activities. Like people go out and they take selfies in front of posters and they'd buy, I don't know, gum or, I don't know. What are you have in Adelaide? Wine, you have wine, you have wine cooler. I've been to the Heinle Street Maccas at 3am. They definitely have McDonald's, I can tell you that.

I've never seen a miss, like there were, this is in about 2008, mind you, but there were, there was the amount of Maccas rappers on the floor of the Highland Street Maccas at 3am. I've never seen anything like it. It was slum-esque. It was amazing. It would have led to a massive boom, head tailors we've been here. it would have led to a massive boom in the sale of West Coast Coast Coast. That would have been... Have they come to Adelaide now?

You know, the other boom there would have been, you know the big economic opportunity that some South Australians are missing out on. It's price gouge. There's a story today that what's been happening is that a Swifties who are traveling to the real cities, Sydney and Melbourne, to see places where she... She's doing four gigs in Sydney and none in Adelaide. I mean, sorry, Adelaide, but...

Shows you her priorities. They're the correct one. Here's the thing. They're the priorities of a winner. Yeah, who knows that it's 80,000 people at Ackor Stadium. So what's happening, Charles, is that people who have booked to see Taylor flying from places like, I don't know, Adelaide, their Airbnb bookings have been cancelled. Oh. They've been cancelled en masse only to have been relisted at a higher price.

Yes, capitalism. So there's a great example here. A woman called Jasmine from Gunnedah, age 24. She booked three nights for $630 near the MCG, like really nailed it. And a week before the concert, the host says, oh,

the carpets have got to be redone. You can't stay. I'm really sorry. And then the same property has been relisted for 1,347. So more than double what she paid. And then someone paid for it. Well, I think this is good. Yeah.

I think first of all, I think that's just capitalism. Yeah. I think that's just people getting into the culture that Taylor Swift represents. she does yeah yeah i think that that's that's good and i think it shows Aussie ingenuity like this is you know what is what is our most innovative sector what's the what's the thing that drives this economy it's making money off owning stuff that you rent out

to somebody else it's literally rent seeking it's yeah rent seeking yeah it's sort of pre-capitalist it's futilistic right so frankly we live, like, it's like going to Silicon Valley and complaining about the innovation, right? Exactly. You know, you come to Australia, you complain about the rent. I'm sorry, that's what we do. That's the only thing you do. That's our only industry.

And I'm sure that Taylor Swift will, well, she says she'll buy some properties. She will. Oh, yeah. Absolutely sure. Do you think for Taylor, it's a little bit like, you know, you go to the shops, you know, like a $2 shop. Yeah, yeah. You get some. You got me sparkly things looks good.

Oh, I might get that tinny hat, you know, that'll be funny. Do you think she comes, and she's so rich that she looks around, you know, Bellevue Hill, Point Piper, and she goes, oh, that little shiny house on the harbour looks good. Oh, I might just buy that. Absolutely. And just sort of, is that how it works? I think so. I think she just flies over, some on the way and goes, that, that, that and that.

Yeah, and that's it. I just need to clear my throat, so let's take a moment. The Chaser Report, news you can. trust. By the way, Charles Taylor has touched down in this country only a few hours ago. Yes. And Sky News' contributor talking here to Rita Panahi is already absolutely losing it. Check this out. Once again, I'm sick of Taylor Swift. Like, you know, they talk about what of her album is 1989. It's literally 1984, but it's 1989. We're just, we're being programmed to have to watch her 24-7. I mean, it's really like an Orwell novel. It's Orwellian how much Taylor Swift is being

thrown in our face, especially here in America. It's kind of funny when he's talking on a network that does actually broadcast mind-altering weirdness 24-7. So what's Adelaide going to do, Charles, to Taylor? Now that they're crossed with her, now that she's cost them $100 million, I mean, she could afford to pay them off without even blinking, to be fair. Well, I kind of feel like, I presume what will happen is there'll be a contingent of South Australians who are setting out towards Melbourne right now, barrels, rolling the barrel.

Oh my gosh, she better watch out. Yeah, along the highway. Along the highway. Oh, my goodness. And, yeah, she should watch out. So, you know, whereas in Kansas you have this horrific violent act, I think what, if I was the Victorian police, I'd be on the lookout for South Australians wielding acid bat barrels.

I remember pushing the barrels along the road. How many references to the barrels, which is, I mean, it's such an old reference. I remember we made a joke about barrels. For listeners younger than 40. Yeah, yeah, it's such a. We should probably give it some content. And South Australia's hate it so much. They're like, we're more than that.

We are more than Snowtown. This is a horrible series of murders. So, yeah, look, I don't know. I mean, I don't think, oh, that's the other thing that's incredible is in South Australia is you walk along the street. You know how in Sydney you see ads for, I don't know, like Calvin Klein or Kristen Dior or whatever, just on the street. Here, all the ads are for Lockheed. Martin. Really?

Yes, everywhere. And it's got some, I'll have to find out the slogan, but it's something like, get into it. Well, that's what you should do, tell us. With all of your millions from touring, you should invest in defense contract. Well, the chasers should, I've thought this for ages, become a defense contractor, shouldn't we? I mean, that's the obvious industry for us to get into. The problem with defense contracting is they have these contracts, which are called fixed margin contracts, which means it's impossible for the contractors to lose money.

because they charge what it costs and then they get a margin on top of bed. And I don't think it's very chaser to enter into some sort of contract or agreement or business deal where it's guaranteed to make money. No, no, that's unprecedented. It's not really on brand. No, we wouldn't do that. Okay, that's a pity. It was a good idea.

But yeah, so, I mean, I think what happens is you come to South Australia. You live in South Australia. You can't get Taylor Swift tickets, but you can build the latest armaments to go and bomb. hospital and stuff like that. But that's presumably what the growth industry is. What a cheery thought, Charles. Well, maybe what they should do is use some of those, you know, expertise on Taylor Swift. Well, Charles, I haven't heard of acid-based weapons being deployed before.

And I can imagine Lockheed Martin's gone. Who can we get to weaponise barrels? It'll be a new generation of old-style acid-based weapons. I think we've just about guaranteed that the people of Adelaide, If we have any listeners in Adelaide, by the way, please, please email us podcast at chaser.com. com.com. And tell us how much you hate Charles. I've just been looking at our sales figures for Wankanomics 2.0 at the Adelaide Fringe.

And as this podcast is going to air, the sales have actually been going backwards. Oh, I see. In negative territory. People are canceling their tickets. Is that what's happening, Charles? Or is it that the murders continue? you. You can't expect people to turn up to your gig if they've been moved.

Yes, if they're in an acid vet. I think that'll do it. I think we should go. Yeah, I think we're, the Adelaide advertiser is not going to like you, Charles. And they probably already don't. No, no, we got Best of the Fest in the Adelaide. I love these.

We got, we hired a publicist this year, and we got Best of the Fest the weekend before the fest even, the show doesn't even exist yet, and we got Best of the Fest. How much integrity does that newspaper have? Low bar. Look, my voice is going. I need to go and put some acid on my vocal cords. Charles, chookers, enjoy. And I hope you make it home alive.

I suspect you won't. No, I won't. Our gear is from Road. We are part of the Iconicless network. Get you later. I don't think you'll be catching me later, Charles. But I'll continue the podcast after your death.