The Chaser Report - Albo's Boring Legacy

Episode Date: November 11, 2024

Charles shares some pressing personal news, meanwhile Dom has a major update on the podcast itself. Plus, what is the legacy of Anthony Albanese's time as PM? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Charles, the world has changed. The Chaser Report must change as we discussed in our last episode. And you know who agrees with us? Oh, I don't know. The most important person in the world.

Gina Reinhardt? Elon Musk. Yeah, the global Gina Reinhardt. Yeah, right. I'm still going to say tweeted because X'd is just a stupid word. He tweeted yesterday, you are the media now. That's what he said. And 20 million people saw it.

And it was a quote based on Elon Musk saying something's wrong with the press. Citizen journalism is the future. And I think what he means is he wants an army of trolls on his platform. But what I take it to mean is he wants the chase report. This is our chance to make news, to define news. When you heard, read him saying, you are the media now, you took that completely personally as meaning like you personally. Yes, yes, me.

They're not just me, me and you, like us. Yeah, us. I mean, it may be other people he's referring to. Yeah. But so, Charles, you have come into the podcast studio today. Yes. And you've said, look, I'm just going to update you on the news. And so that to me is what we would do as the media now.

Yes, that's right. So Charles, please tell us the news after this. Yeah, I will. When does fast grocery delivery through Instacart matter most, when your famous grainy mustard potato salad isn't so famous without the grainy mustard? When the barbecues lit, but there's nothing to grill, when the in-laws decide that actually they will stay for dinner. Instacart has all your groceries covered this summer, so download the app and get delivery in as fast as 60 minutes. Plus, enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees exclusions and terms apply.

Instacart, groceries that over deliver. I've been finding the news just a little difficult to keep up with the last few days. Yeah, it is exhausting. Even Elon Musk's tweets are difficult to keep up with. Yeah, exactly. So every time I go to open the news app or New York Times or Cittemone Harold, whatever, you know, Guardian, whatever, I find myself clicking on this game that I downloaded. Oh. Called 2048, which is a number sorting game where you have to sort the numbers so that.

they add up to 2048. I feel like I played this like 10 years ago. Yes, yes. It was very viral like. It was the flappieburg of birds, you know. And the thing is, I don't really do anything other than play. It's an extremely addictive game. And so what I can update you with is not really news, but just some numbers that

have gone on my screen. So like, 256, you know, is a number. 512, that's also a number. 32, 24. Oh my God, we're two minutes and 48. We're two minutes 48 into this podcast. Yeah. And I think that's all we've got.

That's what worries me. I didn't know. Well, that's what's been going on in my life. How about yours, Dom? Oh my God. What a build-up. I had no idea what he was going to say. I thought there was going to be,

I thought it was going to be something to do with AI. It usually is. I didn't think it was going to be you have taken refuge. You've been through the news ringer over the past week or so. Yes. ingested insane amounts of information and news. About like county level data in Pennsylvania. And you've just gone, your body's rejecting information.

Like literally your body's just gone, I'm allergic. I want all this stuff purged from my system. I will simply look at numbers. And so should I just start playing 2048? Oh, I highly recommend it to everyone. I think our listenership will plummet if that happens because... But for a good reason. Why bother doing anything other than...

There's four and a half years of... going going in with. And in fact, I was talking about this with someone today, how the sort of major trend in the world clearly now is, I mean, there's populism, but with that is isolationism, right? We don't care about the international community. No, exactly. It doesn't matter anymore. Global norms. The UN, the idea of, you know, trying to get everyone to do the right thing on a global scale, I think that's done. Yes. And so we're turning inwardly, we're turning to our own countries. And Charles, what I propose is that we take your model, Thirthism, if we may call it that.

Oh, yeah, yeah, it's a global movement. And continue the turning inwards so that we don't try and make America great again or whatever. I mean, his slogan towards the end was Trump will fix it. What if we don't? And instead we just play a game. 2048. Yeah. And it's just occurred to me that maybe looking forward to 2048.

The year. Each day is actually very psychologically healthy because that's likely to be the next good year on this earth. Well, I like your confidence that we'll both be there. To see it. Will this podcast still be going? Will podcasts still exist in 2048? I'm sure ours will be. But it'll be episode number 512.

Oh no, actually we've already exceeded that, haven't we? We're, are we going to have read a thousand? It's probably over. This is the insane project. We've put so much time. You know what this podcast is? I've just realized. It's the new Chaser newspaper.

Remember how we spent five years doing the Chast of Newspaper? You're right. And we were very good at putting it out and terrible at marketing it. Yes. We just kept putting it out because we like putting it out. Let's just talk a little bit about COP 29, which is the... Oh, whoa, okay. Presently, now wants to talk about the actual news?

Sure, all right. Just in the context of 2048, being likely to be the next good year. That makes more sense. Because I think that'll be the year that President Trump finally steps down. Oh, leaves office. Yeah, could be, could be. But also, COP 29 is set in Baku, Azerbaijan. Of course.

Where else would you have a... A climate conference. And for those who aren't up with the local Baku news, it's a petro state. Yes. Literally, it's something like 99.7% of their income comes from oil and gas. Literally,

it's the only thing their economy does. So I presume that what they have is like at the COP 29 climate summit, they've just got one of those giant burners like outside Crown Casino. Yeah, yeah. And just shows off how much. natural gas like and waste. And I don't know about you, right? So COP 28 was last year.

I think that was in Rwanda. Yeah, yeah. They really picked them. And the whole point is, right, you know, COP 28 was accused of being captured by fossil fuel interests and things of that. And there was sort of some suspicion. I think because Saudi Arabia had been caught. Wasn't there one in Qatar where Saudi Arabia had been caught running it out of their?

Oh, that's why. We had it a whole episode on that. We've done an episode on most things. The petrol ministry, the ministry of... Yeah, it was basically they'd internalised the whole climate somewhere into the petroleum ministry. So all these sorts of scanners. But the whole thing is, like, if you're going to co-opt some sort of climate conference...

Like, they don't know subtlety. There's no subtlety there. Like, you can't even accuse it of being captured. Like, it's not a climate... It's just literally a petrol and gas company conference now. Like, they might as well call it. at the Let's Destroy the World Conference. But Charles, think of the bright side.

Like, the budget would be a lot higher. The entertainment would be much better. Can you imagine the bands they get to play? I completely understand. No, look, I'm not blaming. In fact, I'm saying... Wouldn't you rather go to the, like, vast wealth, petro-dollar version of the Climate Summit?

Much better. And in Exfede, who's... Somebody I know actually is going to the European Union's first ever climate conference. That'll be a drag. In February next year. Where's that? Brussels. No, it's in Bali.

What? Yes, they're flying. The European, are you telling me? Yes. But the European Union's having a climate zone. And they're all getting on planes. Yes. And going to Bali, right?

And you're just going. I think it's because they want to focus on Asia Pacific or something. Yeah. They want to show Azerbaijan how to waste fossil fuels. But also, you can get $10 messages in. It's very cheap. We should actually. We should do it an episode.

I think the best thing we should actually do. the podcast is moved to somewhere like Indonesia, which is much cheaper. Yes. And then we could afford to live as professional podcasters. It's going to be the only thing that we did. We just get together, just live our lives. And we could make episodes like, how I bought a house using podcasting money.

We could just work for 15 minutes a day. We could just do this. Yeah, how I bought a house working for 15 minutes a day by moving to. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, a wonderful place. This is, the only thing you can't do in Bali, apparently, as some Australians have found recently, is run a brothel.

That's pretending to be not a brothel. Apparently that's not popular. You're not allowed to do that. You're also, according to the law of Indonesia now, not allowed to have sex outside of marriage. But that's the law in Indonesia. Yeah, look, I'm not saying it'll be completely swings around. I mean, unless there's a sort of alter in the brothel,

maybe that's a way to get around the regulation. That's a V2. All right, Charles, just to briefly update you, because we are diverting off a tangent. We'll go back to climate shortly. There's good and bad news. The good news is that we have now officially done, not including this one,

1,000 episodes of this podcast. The bad news is that we didn't realize. So episode 1,000 is the one with Chaz that we posted. When was that? When was that? We just put it up yesterday because we were too busy on the weekend. What should this is our 1,000th of the first episode? Well, we have to work out how we count them.

We can't replays. How does it all work? No, no, we count them. This is, this is, like where I look at the thing, there's been a thousand of them. I can't believe. We, we fluffed it. Yeah. It does seem very ass.

The very detailed admin. Well, it probably was a trailer at the start, so maybe this is episode 1,000. I don't know. Everyone should send their congratulations. If you're still listening after a thousand episodes and send us an email, podcast at chaser.com at a you and just tell us which was your favorite episode. Look at this. There was a trailer.

So, in fact, this is... This is actually the thousand episodes. That's amazing that you thought to look. Did you know it was coming up? I knew it was coming up. I looked at it a while back, yeah. Because I was just like, how many times have we done this thing? Yes, and to the fact that you started it with 2048,

we should probably end the podcast after 2048 episodes. That's it would have some serendipity to it. I think that's too soon. Too soon. All right. So the COP Climate Summit is happening in Azerbaijan. I mean, can you imagine? And they're having it a couple of days after Donald Trump's been elected.

Can you imagine the vibe of everyone just going, well, we should definitely keep making an effort to try and solve climate change because building a consensus around unified global action, that's, yep, that's still as good as an idea as it was last week. Yeah, it's going to just be burn, baby burn, isn't it? I think it's drill, baby, drill, but yeah. Well, drill baby drill. And both.

And that's going to be, like, why would you go to election with any, anything other than let's just destroy the planet in our own interests. I mean, we've been wondering what Anthony Almondoese is going to bring to the next election. Yes. Me, seems like a point. M-E-H.

I think that's the whatever. That could be a vision. You know, Charles. It would be more inspiring than what he's being in the moment. The Financial Times has done the numbers on this. It's actually quite fascinating. They've crunched the numbers on the elections this year. I think there have been 10 of them in essentially developed democracies, basically.

There's been 10 of them. And in every single one of them, the incumbent party has significantly lost share. Now, they may not have actually lost the election. I mean, I assume this includes someone like Noreenma Modi. But so in fact, when people are saying, oh, what did the Democrats do wrong? Joe Biden, Kamala Harris. Actually, there's probably nothing they could have done. Well, they certainly did nothing.

They certainly made things as bad as they could have. But it is interesting that, yeah, in fact, the whole idea, like basically every time you ask someone to vote, they're like, oh, I don't like who we've got. Like, whoever it is, their position is, no, not these people. So, Peter Dutton, this is probably the best chance Peter Dutton has to become prime minister, is a bunch of people going, oh, I don't care who else there is. It's not these people. Okay, spitballing here, I think I've worked out what Anthony Abenisi should do.

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So, what he should do is join the Liberal Party. Now, hear me out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm on board. Right. So constitutionally, and he's got a sort of cadre of 15 or 20 people within that Labour call. He would just go to the war with him.

Tanya Plibertsack. Except not one of them. And if he and the rest of them join the Liberal Party, then suddenly, I mean, I think probably they would, like Peter Dutton would, would then have the numbers, right? And Petter Dunn would go to the Governor General and say, I now have the numbers in the House of Representatives.

Peter Dutton would become Prime Minister. He would suddenly be the incumbent, right? Oh, this is getting clever. Now, hear me out, right? So he's got now six months to be the incumbent, right? Because there's got to be an election by May. Then the Labour Party, so every time Peter Dutton goes, oh, I'm the change candidate.

I'm not the incumbent. it was actually entering out and easy, then the rest of the Labour Party can say, well, hang on, you're doing about a member of your own government. So they all change parties. Mind game jiu-jitsu. Peter Dutton does get to be Prime Minister,

so there's a win there. Yes, yes, yes. But then when the Australian people come to vote. He's got no time to do anything. Right, yeah. Because I still wouldn't have the Senate. And then Labor Party's whole campaign slogan can be vote for change.

This time we meet it We really will do something With pinky promorice That's very clever But then what happens to Albo I suppose the same thing Anyway goes retired to Central Coast Well and also

I mean I don't think Like none of the policies are going to change Like it goes across to the libs He's still going to do nothing about housing Like he's already done the thing That he wanted to do Which was become Prime Minister That's the

He doesn't have a to do list He's got them all done He's got that one thing done. Charles, I'm going to correct you on this. Because you have for a long time cast dispersions on Anthony Almanesey. And we've pointed to, for instance, the fact that the one thing he really wanted to do was trains. We all know trains. He's the trains guy, right?

The man loves high-speed trains. Well, Charles, did you know that this very weak, this egg is heading straight for your face, my friend? Oh, dear. This very weak. Guardian headline. Yes. Drilling for Sydney to Newcastle, high-speed rail begins. Oh, no.

It begins, Charles. So it's happened. It is happening. It's happening. Just before an election. Wow, that's amazing. This is his legacy. This is Albo's legacy, a high-speed rail line.

When I say a high-speed rail line, I should probably just reveal the second half of the headline. But Labor accused of uncosted fantasy project. What has actually happened is the two drill rigs installed on barges. So if you imagine a big drill, mouth on a barge, have started drilling basically into the Hawkesbury River. They're drilling into rocks and riverbeds.

What they're trying to figure out is where you would build it. So if you wanted to build it, a long way down the track, apparently it's so complicated to build a high speed rail between Sydney and Newcastle because of all the rivers and whatever, they don't even know where it would go. I mean, in Japan, that is sort of built it. But we need to apparently drill and dig and just go where it's going to go

because that little stretch of land is very hard to build into. Yeah, and doesn't it also keep on having earthquakes because they've drilled out all the coal as well? Quite possibly. Well, wow, but isn't that the solution? The high-speed rail should go through all the coal mines. Well, it should be, and it should be coal power as well. It should just go straight through wherever there's a coal tunnel.

And don't they lay rail in coal mines to transport? bought the, why don't, why haven't they done that? See, this is why you should be in government. So they're trying to determine the optimum route. Like every high speed rail article, Charles, it has an extraordinary figure of the time. They're

saying an hour, Sydney into Newcastle. So what this probably means is that when Anthony Ableezy leaves office, be it at the next election, be it in two or three elections time. Who knows? His legacy with his favourite policy will be, if we're going to give

that it's full development, if we're going to say it all gets done. Yeah. 27 boreholes between Sydney and Newcastle at a range of depths. Yeah. And whenever it's people say to Albo, what did you do? As promised, you can go, boreholes. And I think a lot of people will go, yep, that stands to reason. He was Australia's greatest borehole.

So there you go. Egg on your face, Charles. He's making it happen. I take it all back. I feel like I feel like such a fool It's as good as built For even for criticizing

Like I mean Is there any way Of sort of taking this back I mean And this is the 1,000th episode This is supposed to be a good episode And yet

I foolishly criticised Anthony Aberne You're not doing anything But he's done 27 boreholes He's done He's in the process of doing Oh he's about to They've just announced

The intention They started drilling a tiny amount So Charles Basically what you need to do To make There's only one thing you can do to make this right. You need to go through the whole of the past thousand episodes. Oh, yeah.

And there's transcripts. You don't actually listen to all of them, but there are transcripts. You can go through and just delete all of the negative references to Anthony Albanese. We'll have about five episodes left. Clean slate. But at least you will have been fair. We're part of the Iconocles network.

For more boreholes, keep listening to this podcast. It'll be a thousandth and first episode. June in tomorrow. What's better than a well-marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue? A well-marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well-marbled ribai you ordered without even leaving the kitty pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders.

Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over-deliver.