The Chaser Report - Albo's Temu Material

Episode Date: June 3, 2026

Charles and Dom whip out their Temu-grade analysis of Albanese's recent diss on Temu-Abbott, which highlights the PM's disconnect from the average punter who actually uses Temu. However, this all begs the question: who actually is Australia's most Temu politician?---Listen AD FREE: https://thechaserreport.supercast.com/ Follow us on Instagram: @chaserwarSpam Dom's socials: @dom_knightSend Charles voicemails: @charlesfirthEmail us: [e-mail] CEO’s Super-yacht upgrade Fund: https://chaser.com.au/support/ Send complaints to: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Charles, I have something to get off my chest. Oh, yeah. Australian politics has recently been casting expressions on a brand that I think is getting a raw deal from Australia's politicians on both sides and all sides. Oh, yeah. And that is Timo.

We had during the election campaign, the descriptions of Peter Dutton as Timu Trump. Yes, that's right. And now on the floor of parliament itself, in our most sacred of institutions. Yes. In the temple of free speech and of our liberty that is Australian federal parliament, the Prime Minister referred to Angus Taylor as Timu Abbott. Right.

This smacks to me of a man who has never ordered from Timu. Charles, have you ever ordered from Timu? I've never ordered from Timu. Actually, no, I think I have. I did once, yes. You'd be scarred by the experience and you'd know that, in fact, what he's thinking of is, Aldi. It's Ali that does

the budget imitation. Timu does their own completely weird random ship that is deeply unsatisfying in a way where the metaphor doesn't work. But also, I feel like the one thing that Timu doesn't do is deliver. So maybe that's what he meant. Like

Angus Taylor can't deliver. You see what I mean? It could be. That's not my experience to Timu. We'll get into that. Oh, really? So you've ordered from Tebu. I made that mistake on a number of occasions. Oh, I want to hear this. So I'm not a gambler as a rule, Charles. But the thing about Timo that's extraordinary is that they make it seem like you're

gambling when you order. So basically you sign up. It's the most frustrating work. I once wanted something from Timo. And it was sort of confounding. Like I didn't quite know how to order because it felt like you were being tricked the whole time. So the way that it works is, so this happened, we discovered this lovely stuff toy

holder. We've got a lot of stuffed toys at our place. And we discovered that. There was a, into a friend's house, and there's this kind of tube, like a vertical tube. Yes. You put them all in there. They look quite elegant. And so we really wanted one.

And my daughter really wanted one. So where do you get this from? Oh, Timo. Okay, fine. So I signed up to Timo. And when you first join Timo, every, basically to get into the app and order anything, you've got to go through these kind of like mini games. Yes.

Where you spin a wheel. Yes. And then, oh my goodness. I've won. Oh my gosh. I'm only one. And it says in very small letters, if you look carefully, this is a, simulation, everyone has the same animation.

Like, if I open it now, I haven't ordered for it for ages, but if I open T-Moo now, it'll say something like this. It's, um, oh, pick your free items up to $250 value. And wow. And then in small letters, it says, yeah, it doesn't mean anything. But, and so you do this, spin the wheel and all this sort of stuff. And it locks you into this thing where you go, I've got to choose six things to get for nearly no money right now to order it.

And then I'll get an amazing deal. So I got sucked into it and I spent an hour sitting there and choose. between items. My God. And have you seen the stuff they have? It's terrible. It's all terrible. But also, aren't they all miniature?

Like, I feel like I've seen online people who, you know, buy a T-Moo cup holder. And then it's like a miniature cup holder. Yeah, yeah, that's right, because you can't tell from the photos. Yeah. So I ended up getting one and again. I got like a kind of little toilet roll holder. I got a shoe cabinet, which I haven't bothered to make yet. It's a bit like an Easter show bag.

It is. Yeah. And these were all very, very, very. cheap. And I saw there was like a game gaming console, like a retro gaming console. I thought, oh, that would be really fun. It's games of my childhood. So I ordered that. Yes. And then I think one or two other random plastic things, like a shelf for the, not things I ever would have wanted, but they were so cheap child. They were basically giving them away. Yeah. So then you choose your six things and you're like, oh my gosh, they're like one cent each. I've spent six cents and I've got

six items. Yeah. And then it says, okay, now you've got to spend. real money to qualify for it. And at no point does it say this. So you're invested in getting all the six things, right? Oh, right. So you want to get the six things. I don't know. Why do you want those six things?

I don't know. Because you spend so much time. It's just sunk cost. It's just sunk cost. Yeah. So then I've got to find more random things. I think I ordered a, I tried to order a vacuum cleaner for the car, like a mini vacuum cleaner for the car.

Oh my God. What else was there? Oh, a little stand for the microbes so you can put things. Have you ever thought looks at a microwave and thought, I really want to store things under my microwave. Well, you could, like a different shopping board, all this stuff that we in no way needed. But you've got to pay real money for those things. And so you end up in the hope of getting the six things that you already said you'll get.

You have to then put in, I don't know, $100 of real money far more than it's worth. And I ended up realizing that the best thing to do is to never open TEMU again and open Ali Express that are exactly the same stuff, but at least it works like a proper shopping app. Like, T-Moo. But wait a minute. So what, did you get the stuffed toy thing? Yes, I did get the stuffed toy thing, yeah. And how much did, how much did that cost?

Oh, it was maybe $30 or $40. Right. It was not cheap. It was fine. Yeah. And it was made of cheap plastic and I'm sure it put microplastics. But in some ways, it actually cost $100. Yes, it is.

Because I have not yet made the outdoor storage box that I order. And I have not assembled the giant shoe. It's like a cupboard for shoes that I'm going to put. in the basement. Right. At some point in the future. It should be a cupboard for TEMU products that you haven't opened yet. Yes, yes, it should be.

That's exactly right. So my point being, the Prime Minister is not a man who's ever used Timo. Right. Clearly. Yes. Because it's not at all. And also, I feel like it's also, like he hasn't used Timo and he also hasn't told a joke because I feel like Timmu Dutton or whatever it was.

Like, what was a Timu Trump? Timu Trump, yeah. That was like, you don't reuse that three years later. That's so embarrassing. That was from like a year ago. A year ago. Like, that's sort of, that's gone. It's not really a joke.

It's more of a sort of turn of phrase. It's a callback joke at the end of a sound upset. Yeah. So a joke that you heard earlier like an hour ago. It's not. A year later, no. You're just going, everyone goes, no, I'm not watching his next Netflix special. It's right.

I'm not quite going to watch Albo live from the Central Coast. It wouldn't be Netflix, say it'd be a Stan original. It'd be a Stan original. Yeah. Or binge. Straight to be. I was trying to think of a worst thing. Binge.

You got it. Yeah, Albo, live for the Terragulari. But you know what it is? It's a Timu joke in a meta sense. It's a crap knockoff of the joke. Yes, you're right. No, but it's Aldi, not Timu. My point is, the Prime Minister has just said,

to the millions of Australians who presumably order from Timu go through this awful gamification, which is not a game, by the way. You always, it's just basically, You treat you like an idiot, which then you clearly have to be to order anything. Right. He's just selling people like me who've ordered from Timu. I don't understand your pain.

Yes. There's nothing like that Angus Haler has in common with Timu. Yes, in some ways, Bob Ketter is the Timu of Australia. You have no idea. The sentence could go anywhere. It's completely random. They wound up with stuff he weren't even expecting. Yes.

The epidemic of fatal crocodile attacks. That's right. You never know what you're going to get. The Chaser Report. Now with extra whispers. So I just think the Prime Minister, who is, by the way, by the way, Charles, yet to respond to our challenge to come on the podcast. Yes.

What's going on? Do we need to contact his media people? Because from my understanding, you just put it out there on the podcast. Oh, no. And then they just contact you. Isn't that enough? Isn't that like signing a bat signal? Angus Taylor.

Well, it would have rippled through Parliament, our challenge. Well, yes. So in that case, I issue a challenge to the opposition. leader to come on the podcast and explain what retailer you're most like. Is it David Jones? What would Angus Taylor be? Is it Amazon? I reckon he'd be Country Road, wouldn't he?

Country Road, interesting? Because he's a bit of a country road. Now you're using a joke that Goff Whitlam used. Oh, no. That's all for the 1970s. He's criticized Albuyer for using his old gear and you're using the, oh, I remember joke. Warwood Bull and Hansenby, she'd be Hugo Boss, wouldn't she? No, it's, oh, it's church.

Yeah. You know, if you got a boss outfitted the Nazis. Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying. But is there, but what's a sort of much worse Australian, like, anything important, she wouldn't want to do that? Wouldn't it be fish and chips related? It would be sort of, it would be. Who are the tailors that, who are the, who are the people, the menswear, people that

outfit the footies show? Lowe's. Loz. Or like, oh, yeah, okay. Tony something men'swear. Pauline Hanson sponsored by Lowe's. Is that what you're saying? I can't remember.

You remember those 80s, like, shop. that used to advertise on the TV. Go to the wear. No, there's like Tony Barlow men's wear. Oh, Tony Barlow. That's what Paul Aid would be. Yeah. They're one-nation crew.

I have a fear. Do you think that that's a Sydney-specific reference? Probably. Do you reckon Tony Barlow outlets? Up in Ipswich. No, yeah. So it would have, would it be, wouldn't it be a Kubra or something? No, it's too boring.

That's getting rudd, isn't it? No, no, it's John Howard. Malcolm Turnbull, surely. Yeah, yeah. Do you think he actually wore an accruber? Cubra or was it some sort of Italian? Oh, no, yeah, it would have been an Italian. How is all that going, by the way?

How has One Nation reacted to their anointment as the party in waiting? Is Barnaby Joyce getting a bit frisky, do you think? Oh, I think so. The word on the... The word on the ground is that, yeah, there's going to be a spill in the next few weeks. Really? Yeah. In the next few weeks.

Are you just manifesting that via the podcast? Yeah, what? Well, you know... One Nation supports Surges. This is today in the Herald. surges with women, wealthy and city voters. But it's all the same polling. It's not...

This is Resolve. Oh, this is Resolve? Oh, this is New Poll. They're saying New Poll today. They're saying that One Nation has won over women, which is a little surprising. Yes. And particularly inner city. Inner City support has gone up.

So I'd love to know what's going on. But I think, isn't it just that you've finally been given the opportunity to say all the racist things that you've thought your whole life? And you go, now aloud. It's now because... become acceptable. So here's how Pauline Hanson explains it. These woke ideologies being taught in

classrooms, boys and girls' toilets, men and women's sport, the late term abortion changes. And she says the uni parties have gone too far and are breaking the spirit of Australian household. Is this she meant parties that go to university or are they like a uni party, one party state? Libla-blies type thing. Oh, you've been

watching TikToks, haven't you? Yeah. So can I tell you my exact theory about, because everyone's a bit confused about this whole abortion thing, right? That was a big protest yesterday in the week. There was sort of, there's a lot of analysis going, is this, them overstepping the mark? They're sort of clearly playing an American slash British playbook. Well, all the stuff about, I mean, this is.

The trans stuff is straight out of the Trump campaign. I would say the One Nation surge is entirely a foreign interference. Ironically, it's a foreign interference campaign. Like, I have no doubt that their surge is largely off the back of, largest and Trumpian experts coming in and doing really fucking good work on social media that actually narrow casts to audiences, right? Well, the messaging is similar. It's very explicitly similar.

Extremely similar. But one of the methodologies that they're following is, say you do something like you do an abortion thing. Now, yes, that will piss off inner city women, right? Like having an anti-abortion stance, right? But what you do is you announce it to the world. You get all the backlash and publicity for doing that, and then you make the issue disappear, right? Like, you just don't then talk about it again, particularly publicly, right?

But what you do do is you keep narrowcasting it to all the people on social media who reacted well to that messaging. Well, that's what social media is good for. Yeah, and so what you're going to do is you're going to have a surge of support amongst people. They're basically, over the course of the next two years, going to mop up every single anti-abortion person in the country who'll all vote for one nation. And they'll do that with 20 different small issues that stay under the radar and mop together a really weird, chaotic coalition of support. That was the Trump thing, wasn't it? Yes. Micro messaging.

And that's where you go. That is scary because it's also not visible. And it's clearly being done using techniques and people. that do not originate in Australia. It is not an Australian-born thing. And it's such a weird thing for me to be saying, well, let's get foreigners out of politics. So let's get rid of one nation.

But literally one nation are the foreigners who are invading our country in a political system sense. Can we go back to joking about Timo? Very serious. There's my Timo analysis. All right, there you go. Timu, Anthony Green, right here on the Chaser Report. Okay, well, in the coming days, we'll have Alba and Angus Taylor on this podcast.

It's as good as done, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, they are minor parties now compared to one nation. Yeah, they've got time. Yeah, they've got time. Yeah, we're part of the Aconiclast Network. Catch you tomorrow.