The Chaser Report - Announcing The Next Opposition Leader

Episode Date: May 6, 2025

With plenty of seats, positions, and portfolios still left unknown, The Chaser Report has the exclusive drop on who will be the next Opposition Leader. How do we know? Let's just say, Charles has an inside source. Follow us on Instagram: @chaserwarSpam Dom's socials: @dom_knightSend Charles voicemails: @charlesfirthEmail us your bank account details: [e-mail] complaints to: [e-mail] our caviar addiction: https://chaser.com.au/support/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Going to you from the New Australia, it seems very similar to the old Australia so far. Albo did that thing that Prime Minister's trying to do. Rolling up my sleeves, getting straight to work, no chance for a victory. He went to Bar Italia in Leichhard and had, I don't know, gelato or something. one day

then straight back to work But he got behind the counter He got behind the counter And started serving ice cream Yeah Socialist Socialist Handing out someone else's ice creams

Seizing the means of production Yeah Dom I think, no I think It's gone to his sit You know how they're saying Oh the risk is that he'll get arrogant Yeah What is more arrogant than taking over a cafe

I'm the ice cream man now I'm Mr Whippy It's like Sedim Hussein Level of Actually No, it's Kim Jong-un. It's Kim Jong-un. Even worse, it's Donald Trump at the McDonald's is what it is.

Big beautiful fries. Yeah. No, Albo's still only thing. We don't know anything. As of the time of this recording. We know a few things. We're a couple of money updates we can talk to you about in case you've been hiding from the campaign.

But we don't really know things like who the ministers are going to be or who the opposition leads going to be. But yeah, after the break, we can talk about things that we know. Why don't we speculate on the speculation? And then you can tell us about, You're the world's shortest trip to Melbourne, which I'm quite keen to hear about. I went to Melbourne for 15 minutes today.

Highlights tour of Melbourne. It's a great question for the podcast, actually. What would you do in Melbourne for 15 minutes? We want to get people to start sending in voice memos. Email them to podcast at chaser.com. Oh, that's a good idea. We'll make Loughlin montage them up and then we'll make fun of you. And we should do it like a Q&A.

Like you know how our favourite podcast, the rest is politics. they have Q&A at the end of every week. Oh yeah, we should do and ask me anything. Yeah, okay. Do those two things. So the two things are, what would you do in Melbourne for 15 minutes? Yeah.

And then also just ask us anything, because that saves us for me to come up with an episode. Fantastic. And every Thursday we'll put it out an episode. Something like that. Yeah. Every Thursday I'll thereabouts. Yeah, that's good.

Isn't that great? We just planned a whole thing off the cuff without any city down having a meeting. Have you seen the podcast download numbers? Yeah, yeah. It's stupid. Well, yeah. What are you doing? Go and get a live.

Don't listen to this. You nearly knocked your wine glass over there. Let's take some ads. Move the wine glass further away from your flailing hand, and then we'll tell you what we know and don't know. Okay, so there's a few little bits of information. Yeah. So Zoe Daniel.

Zoe Daniel is out. Friend of the podcast. Tim Wilson is back. Not friend of the podcast. Even more Tim Wilson than ever. I was on a panel once with Tim Wilson. He's going to run for it. I reckon he's going to.

to put his head in and he's going to run for the leadership. I mean, I'd be very surprised if he's not at least going deputy, come on, I beat a teal. Like, I reckon, it's kind of like big game hunting. If you go back to, if you go back to the party room and you've not only survived,

because don't forget, they're still, but also there's such a tiny number. Someone, I heard this morning, seven or eight, I think, Liberal MPs left in any urban area. Like, there's just none of them. So not only is he one of them, but going, I bagged a teal and not just a teal, and not just a Thiel, Charles Attila used to work for the ABC, the AB Communists C.

Yeah, the hate media. So I reckon that's big game hunting credential to be leader, or at least deputy. Yeah. But the rumor is that, isn't it, both Susan Lee and Angus. Angus Taylor? Both Susan Lee and Angus Taylor want Dan Tien to be the deputy. That's what I'm hearing at the moment. They're trying to buy Tien off.

So I can just see Tim Wilson thinking that Tim Wilson should be the leader. Possibly no one else, but Tim Wilson. Look, the risk is if Tim Wilson doesn't threes had in the ring, is that you end up with a woman in a leadership position. Yes. So I think he sort of needs to, because I don't think Angus Taylor, Dan Tien is plausible, is it? Well. Wouldn't it be Angus Taylor, Susan Lee or Dan Tien, Susan Lee?

Are you saying that there needs to be a woman in the leadership? No, I'm saying this is the Liberal Party. There needs to not be a woman in the leadership. the leadership position. Well, it's, like, that's why Tim Wilson owes it to the Liberal Party to make sure that it's two men leading the Liberal Party. Do you think that's what happened last time? Is it because they had Susan Lee as a deputy, female deputy lady, you think it cost them votes?

I'm pretty sure the Liberal Party contributed four women to the Parliament this year. There's very few, yeah, there's very few liberal women. So, whereas the Labor Party was in the 40s, the number of women they contributed to the parliament was in the 40s. Yeah. And then, as was pointed out in an op-ed that I read today, can someone just take note of the fact that all the teals are women? There's actually a reason why all the teal is women.

Like, I know we're sort of used to the idea now, but there was a reason why. Because they look better in teal, isn't it? Because they ran against Scott Morrison. Oh, right. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, sorry, yeah. But the teal is very true.

I mean, I think men can look good in teal too. Oh, that's true. I wouldn't limit it in that way. I think it's very simplistic. Sorry, that was me. So Susan Lee, deputy leader of the Liberal Party and of the opposition. Yeah. So you'd think that as the obvious deputy.

And she's acting leader now, by the way. So you reckon that she's just ruled out because she's female. And it's the Liberal Party. Well, I just think, just from a mere quota perspective, there's so few women that the women don't deserve to be in a leadership position. Because they didn't do the heavy lifting of getting seats. Of losing. I mean, Susan Lee was not. not as involved in a loss as Angus Taylor.

You've got to be representative of your party. It's a representative democracy. And what does the Liberal Party represent? It represents men, right? So you can't have a woman in a leadership position. Because there's so many men. Sorry to have to, I feel like I have to mansplain this to you, dog. Thank you, Charles.

It's actually some breaking news on this. And this is from the Financial Review, which of course is the one place you go for liberal news. It's basically like the House paper. Yeah, yeah. That's the little party. They're saying, so the moderates... It's the WhatsApp group. That's right.

It's a signal chat. Yeah. The moderates are apparently pushing a Susan Lee and Ted O'Brien ticket. Dan Tien. No, no, Ted O'Brien. Ted O'Brien. Ted O'Brien, the ball guy. Amid uncertainty about whether Angus Taylor will even run.

Will he even run? Is Ted O'Brien, he's quite funny, isn't he? Isn't Ted O'Brien the funny guy? He looks a little bit like Skimo if he went to the gym. Yes, yes. He's the Ted O'Brien. Yes, he's the Schoomo replica. Funny, funny would be a welcome plus. That would be pretty interesting. But here's the funny thing. Just see if you can find the problem with this quote, Charles. Are you ready?

Moderate sources said Lee, who is deputy to Dutton, should be leader. See what the problem was with that sentence. Say that again? Moderate sources said Lee, who is deputy to Dutton, should be leader. Who are the moderate sources? Who are the moderates left in the party? Who is that? There's somebody, that's like a guy who runs the social media account or something.

It's social media intern. It's Nev. And it says they. Could I just say, sorry, go on. They're backing O'Brien, I'm quoting with Finn again here, the architect of the failed nuclear policy as shadow treasurer and possible deputy. So the benches of talent are such that who's got the credentials to be number two? who in the party, the guy that brought us

the nuclear policy. That's the guy we want. Well, that was very funny. So I kind of feel like that's fair enough. Tien is the other deputy. He's a Queensland. You need a Queenslander in there because they're the only people left. That's true. But it's also his birthday today.

Is it? Yes. 7th of May. There you go. It's a little fact to it. Is that because you just, we weren't sure who he was. I just looked him up on Wikipedia. And so I feel like that would be a good birthday gift to say, yeah, you're in the running, mate. He's clearly not going to be running.

He's not in the running. But it's moderate sources. Just for today, he can feel like he's in the running. You know, so Nev backs him. Neve back. Whoever Neve is, yeah. So there you go. So they've got, I've got a few things going on there in the lips.

I mean, Peter Dutton, as we said, was the sacrificial first opposition leader. They never win. The first one who it never wins. Is Susan Lee then going to be? She's the sacrificial woman. You see the sacrificial woman who you put in? Oh, right. She's the Christina Kenealy.

To fix everything. Of sorts, yeah. Okay. The Liz Truss. Really? Wow. That's faint praise. So, yeah, so, by the way, Nicolette Boler might well not win Bradfield.

She's a little bit behind now. So it's very tight. Oh, yeah, and the other news is, and look, I think this changes by the hour. But Adam Bant, at least at 6pm on Tuesday night, was like a thousand votes behind because the postal votes are not. cracking his way at all like so he needed i think he needed them to break at less than 70 30 towards the labor party and they're breaking at 70 30 towards the labor party really which means that adam bant might be adam chald tries to think of a poem the chaser report less news more often okay so yeah look two party preferred as of the time can i

Can I just say? Just as of the time of, so this is last updated from the AC, 5pm, 519 PM, 53 to 47, two-party prefer. That's looking pretty bad for old banty. Can I also just acknowledge that I was right in our election episode just before the election we were calling things. One of the things I said is Max Chandler made that's not going to make it, right? You did, yeah, I remember.

And I was right. Are you now claiming that? extends to Adam Bant as well. No, and what I'm saying is that the Greens value more than anything else being right. Oh, I see. This is where I sort of got this idea from, right? Which is, like I was thinking, oh, I was right about Max Gens of the Maita. Oh, that reminds me of Adam Bant, who, remember we had that episode where we discussed.

The problem with Adam Band is you'd never want to sit next to him in the pub because he just constantly wants to tell you that he's right about everything. Well, you wouldn't want to sit next to him now. He'd probably be pretty miserable. Well, he wasn't right about winning the election on Saturday, was he? Well, I mean, look, and look, it's all sad because, like, I think they had good policies and everything like that, but why, just stop telling us you're right. You know what I mean? Like, you just want a party that does things rather than... It must be really galling for a green to lose to labour in particular.

Oh, yes. We'd like a much more moderate version of you that has to compromise a lot more ability to get things done, but still. Yeah, well, what will Adamant do? What do you do after you've been a green? I mean, he can join the Bob Brown Fund, Ashen. No, you've got to do something where you're always in the right. You've got to become an umpire or something like he'd become football. There you go.

Like on an AFL umpire. Doing the thing with the arm. Yeah. I mean, he could, you know what happened? A linesman. Oh my gosh. You know what happened in another? He could be on the left line all the time.

Running up and down the sort of party line. Yeah. Charles, what could happen, in another party, what would happen? Because he's clearly the most high profile, green. What about Max? In another, come on. What about Bob Brown? No, a bit of the current parliament, or the previous parliament.

You tap someone on the shoulder and go, look, the leader needs a spot in the Senate. I mean, he should have been in the Senate. I think they got, trying to think they could have lower house seats for, like, a generation. It was pretty brave at the Greens. I think putting the leader from there. Like, they've got a lock on the Senate. They're going to get senators almost everywhere. Yeah.

So what you're saying is abandon. in the lower house. Someone else should just fall on their sword and Bantz should go to the Senate, is what I'm saying. I'm still with a leader. Oh, okay. That's what had happened in another party.

But I think, I think of the Greens, it'd be all like... The Greens don't work like that. The Greens have three different positions. Like, every time two Greens get in a room, there's three different positions. Wouldn't they have to determine the new leaders.

And all of them are right. And what's the... How do they determine a new leader is it is a process of group hugs and the person who hugs least hard? No, no, I don't think they're a bunch of Binding Gorgas. They're not a binding gorgas. Oh, really?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure. So how do they determine who the leader is? A really narky group email? You're just passive aggrative. Passive. No, that's fine. Adam, if you want it, that's fine. If you want it.

No, it's fine. You do it. I want you to have it. I want you to have it. That's right. They probably just have an exam and whoever's the most right. Do you think they put up signs in the green's lunch room? Like, just passive signs over the sink?

Determined by. placards. Oh dear. Anyway, so the Greens are in quite a bit of disarray. I mean, everyone except Labor is basically in hell right now. Like, this is such an unusual moment. There's no, oh, and also they had a good night. There's not.

I mean, the Teals who survived, probably, you could say, are the only other real winners. But every other political movement in Australia besides Labor is in tatters right now. I heard a fascinating thing on Saturday night. I talked to somebody who has a lot of dealings with the Teels. I love you're doing the rest Is politics thinking I love the way you do this Charles

Yeah Charles like oh yeah I can't reveal I don't know I talk to someone An insider And you're not making up I know that you know insiders Yeah

But the funny thing is That what he said was They all hate each other The Teals Yeah the Teals all hate each other Because they're all really ambitious Incredibly accomplished They are

They're all very doctors And they're all surgeons And the whole point About being a surgeon or a doctor or a, you know, high-profile journalist or whatever is you're just an arrogant fuck-wit. Like, we know, but, like, Craig, you know what I mean? Like, they're just fuckwits, right?

You know, that's you saying that. Imagine having 10. So the whole idea that you would, you know, that there would be a caucus of teal is just inconceivable. That will never happen. You know what the problem is, Charles. Teal is a shade of green. Ooh. It's like green with a little bit of blue in it.

They're a kind of green That's the same issue But that's the whole point They're right My point is they've got the same I'm referring back to your earlier joke about the greens Oh sorry you're not even No sorry say that again

Say that again say that again Say that again Charles the problem with the teals If you look at it on the colour wheel Yeah Think of it like you know Primary colours and me It's a shade of green

They're the sort of slightly blue Are greens They've got the same issue Remember when you said that thing earlier Oh God Anyway Getting nothing out of this Anyway, so the teals, most of the teal's got a swing too.

But the teal's a nice, it's a nice colour. It is a night. Your point was that people, that the Greens all think that they're right and there are three positions in a room. Oh, right. Yes. I never had to explain it. Do leave this in lock with the, this is the true glimpse inside the magician's chamber. No, this is when I'm tired and relaxed.

I think if the Australian people had listened to more of you on labour, this result would not have happened. I think if the coalition wants to know I actually think you'd get Charles to lead the Liberal Party I think you, you could take out the... We've solved the problem. You could get revenge. Yes, because I'm a man, I'm white, on middle age. You're loud, you're opinionated.

I'm not very good at politics. Like, I've got all the... The Outer Suburbs probably wouldn't like you very much. Yeah, I think this is good. Well, look, we've achieved one thing. There we go. There's the episode title. Charles Firth for Liberal Leader, I think, is where we are.

Where we've found out. We'll find out who. I'm going to put my hat in the ring. Who's the temporary. You should. Do you have to be? I don't think you have to be. I think we should do the Canadian-style thing.

Because Mark Carney, who's now the Prime Minister. Yes. Wasn't even a member of Parliament. No, he's just coming from outside. When he became Prime Minister. That's right. Under our Constitution, it's very similar to Canada. You've got three months if you get appointed a minister to get a seat.

That's right. So I could actually become Liberal Party leader and then... And then... No, you'd be like, it doesn't even matter, too, because it's only the official positions where you're a minister or the prime minister that even matters. Don't forget Campbell Newman was opposition leader in Queensland

without having a seat. It doesn't matter. The opposition leader is sort of, it doesn't really matter. It doesn't actually exist in the Constitution, I don't think. It's like a little invention to get them happy. If I was opposition leader,

do you think that would improve our ratings? No. Have you learned nothing from this election? Okay. Do you think the reason why our ratings are so high at the moment is because we didn't really talk about the election. No, I don't know what it is. We're going to

get to the 15 minute trip to Melbourne, maybe that's tomorrow's episode. And look, you heard it here first. Charles Firth, the new liberal leader. Be interesting coalition agreement. Liberal leading in white. Let's not be unfactual. I don't like fake news. No, liberal leader in waiting, which can mean

it's just you're waiting on your own. No, for the parties, it's all interesting. Look, you've got a media profile. The other thing is Charles. You've been touring Wankonomics, it's been going very, very well. Yes. I think it's entirely possible that if you get Angus Taylor to come along, he might actually find it quite compelling.

Isn't he an ex-management consultant? I think a lot of young liberals would actually probably not get the joke if they came to Wankanomics. They'd just think it was a serious course. I think it was a serious training. Yeah, I think this is the way to do it. All right. And you know what we do?

Just thinking about it, Don, is we get Angus to swap out for me. I'll become liberal leader and he can go on tour. And he can just tweet good job, Angus, after a fresh show. All right, there you go. We'll leave it there. We're part of the Oconclass Network. I'm sure we'll start, I'm sure we'll stop talking about the election soon. Yeah, we've got to talk about Melbourne.

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's tomorrow.