The Chaser Report - Apple's New iPhone Gave Us Necrosis

Episode Date: September 13, 2023

The only way Charles and Dom could manage to get through talking about Apple's newest product line was a whole lotta booze. Unfortunately you have to be sober while listening to them, sorry. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello, and welcome to the Chaser Report podcast with Dom and Charles. Hello, Charles. What's up? We've just cracked open a bottle of Sepherdsfield-Barrosha Grenache. Saffoldsfield, Grinash, yep. Yeah, granash.

Because it's, of course, 4 a.m. in the morning when we record this. Wine for breakfast again. And you just, it was an old bottle. It was a bottle that you opened the last Friday. On Friday, yeah. And you went, would that be all right a few days later? In a screw, in a screw top. In a screw top.

And I said, yes, of course. I regularly drink vinegar, so that would be fun. But the tale that we're going to tell you today relates to that in a way that isn't as fine. Now, there's a mysterious hook. In today's podcast, we are going to take a look at Apple's new product. tenuously linked to some bizarre story of Charles Redd. That's what's going to be,

but you'll get a full rundown on the latest Apple product in the podcast, which we've definitely been planning to do the whole time. More after this. Let me just take a sip of this and see how terrible it is. It's not that much worse than it was last week. No, no, I reckon wine actually improves. To improve. With age.

We went to Sepult's Field. They gave us this stuff for free, so thank you to them. This is a hot tip, though. Wine improves with age, Tom. Did you know it? I haven't. I think I've heard something about that until the point where it turns into vinegar. Yeah, that's right.

This is the story. A man, 20-year-old, decided that he was hungry. Okay. Right. This is bizarre so far, yeah. Yeah. He's named AJ. Right.

So there was a bit of leftover spaghetti on the kitchen counter. Sure. He'd left it for five days. and then he decided he added a bit of extra tomato sauce to freshen it up put in the microwave blasted it you think that'd be pretty safe and then became violently ill and died wow right from bolognese from bolognese eating five-day-old bolognaz from the counter yeah it'd been left out for five days right and they've finally

so this happened like i don't know 15 years ago something of that But the Journal of Clinical Microbiology has just published a new report actually outlining what exactly happened. There was an autopsy and they finally drilled down and worked it out. So you're telling me he involuntarily donated his body to science. Exactly. And it was this toxin, it's a bacteria called bacchilis, which caused a toxin, right, the contaminated food. So, like, I think the whole point about bacteria is it poos out. And it's basically a pooze.

Oh, it excretes toxin, okay, yeah, yeah. And what that then did was create moderate centrileobular liver necrosis. That doesn't sound good. That doesn't sound either good or correctly pronounced, is my, is my real. But I love that it was moderate. Moderate liver necrosis. I mean, how much liver necrosis can you afford to take? before you die.

I'm imagining, I think minor is probably not very good. Look up necrosis. Necrosis means death, doesn't it? Lever's death. Necrosis is unprogrammed cell death caused by external cell injury.

Yeah, so I think even mild live and necrosis, you need your liver to live. That's what it is, yeah. So, anyway, point is fine to eat five day old or drink five day old wine.

Not so fine. I mean, if we die because of this wine being five days old if we get liver necrosis. This will be an amazing... This will make us famous posthumously. Yeah. Mind you, I think this is doing something else to a little.

This will be the most ironic podcast in the history of podcast. If we are talking about dying to liver poisoning and we die due to drinking this. Sepplesfield Barrossa Grenache, which does not say on the label, do not consume after five days. So please, my estate, do you sue them. Yes, that's true. Yeah, you'll be rich in your afterlife. You have to take a camel up there and go through the needle. You're suggesting I'm a rich man

That's deeply wrong Anyway, okay So Charles Normally we try and get about I don't know 15 to 20 minutes content out of these stories With a topical aspect

I'm wondering what you're going to link this Is this going to link to the voice Or climate change Or the new iPhone 15 Which we could have talked about today Instead Oh yeah That's a much better idea

Why don't we talk about the iPhone 15 Which is essentially Reheated remains from Oh no Nice thing. Previous technology, that was my whole intention. Creative necrosis of the liver on the part of Apple. So look, one thing that I'll say, and I don't know if this would have saved the person in this case,

but microwaves don't kill germs as well as, say, if stir-frying. No, no, no, no, this is literally the Philippines National Nutritional Council wants everyone to know as a result of this report that there is no such thing as frying away food poisoning. because it's a toxin. Oh, so you can't kill the toxin. Yeah, yeah. So, and it's called fried rice. They call it fried rice syndrome.

Oh. Which is that people think that you can. Oh, that you just refry it. Oh, thank you for clearing that up. Yeah. I would have died. Yeah. We probably shouldn't have fried this wine.

Yeah, no. We probably didn't need to. I mean, it's certainly got a nice, nice residue from all the oil in the pan. Okay, so let's go through the Apple products because, yeah, that's another form. That's a good way to try. and get, people listen, right? To give it a summary

of all the Apple products. I can't believe. Yeah, okay. Maybe we'll just, Lachlan, at the start of the podcast, just copy and paste this audio, but leave it in here so people can tell how slap dash we are.

In today's podcast, we are going to take a look at Apple's new products tenuously linked to some bizarre story, Charles Red. That's what it's going to be, but you'll get a full rundown on the latest Apple product in the podcast, which we've definitely been planning

to do the whole time. Okay, we're back in prison now. So, yeah, the Apple... Seameless, John. Do you know, this is the first time in my life that I didn't even notice that there were new iPhones out until sort of late in the day.

Normally I get up at like six in the morning or whatever and watch the video. Oh, no, yeah, I did. I don't even notice. I put it to six. I was there for the titanium. So that's one, I suppose that's the big... The big story is,

if you're buying a $1,900 phone, it won't smash quite as easy. Yeah, the... The Apple iPhone 15 Pro Max is Titanium, which they say will make it lighter and have a smaller bezel. Still got an enormous bezel compared to Android phones, but it's a little bit less enormous. I think we buried the lead though, which is that it's $300 more expensive. Is it? Yes.

Is that because of the dollar or because they're pricks or both? Why not all? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Wow, $300 more expensive. But probably the biggest change for most people is that the new iPhones take USBC. USBC. So all the lightning cables you own

are now officially obsolete except for AirPods and a few other bits and pieces. That's right. And they're, they quietly also released AirPod Pro 2s that have USBC cases. Oh, did they?

Yep. The whole line-up's just completely USBC. So the one thing to bear in mind about this, which I find deeply ironic, is that, do you know why they've made the change while they've killed the lightning cable? Well, because the EU... Yes.

So, they've gone from a smaller cable to a bigger one. Yes. Which is the first time ever that that's happened. Yes. Because the EU insisted that everyone used the same charger. Yeah. For environmental reasons. Yes.

Thus condemning hundreds of millions of cables. No, billions. Billions. They're literally billions. Well, there's a billion iOS devices in years. I would have 10. I'd have 10 lightning cables for sure. So there are at least a billion, if not several billion.

So 10 billion lightning cables just got consigned to the bin for the environment. To protect the environment To protect I think we're going to get Craig on the case I think I think they should bring back the 30 pin connector Because a lot of people

Had them I mean I've still got some And it's against the environment To make them obsolete Dom So that's one new thing No no but I think that that's fine A 30 pin connector No no

But I think it's fine Everyone has to have USBC Having a stand It's ridiculous That we didn't have a standard So you know You got the electricity plugs Imagine if every company had a different electricity plug.

It's annoying enough already when you go to America and it's all. When you go overseas and there's different... Yes, exactly. Now, can I just briefly make an excursion? Because this is a pretty meandering podcast anyway. You know what they're doing in Penrith? In Penrith in Sydney. In Western Sydney.

They are making roads from... You see this story? Oh, from... Is it plastic or is it? It's coffee cups. 136,000 coffee cups... Is this a fucking... ...have been turned into road.

Oh, yeah. Which I say, fuck you, Craig, I'm drinking coffee out of disposable cups again because there's a use. Yeah, there's use for the road. Yes, I'm doing it for the roads. They've also made them out of 1.2 million glass bottles, which means that you can still glass people,

but I think Penrith was already on to that. It makes you go. We really do need to think about... Polluting. Well, no, no, but I think it also is like, what else can be made out of coffee cups that would be better made out of bitchamins? I mean, I would like,

to make a giant sculpture of Craig Roocastle out of reasonable coffee cups 10 stories tall But you know like it's You know the government's there To produce hospital schools and roads Made out of coffee cups I want to see more hospitals and schools

Made out of coffee cups You would think that if you flatten them They'd be pretty good for insulation There's a lot of plastic in those things Yeah exactly Yeah Why don't you try how Instead of just whinging

Roocastle Why not use them as something good And the thing is You know The people of Penruth Always complain about the inner city latte sippers. Yes.

But that's where they get the roads from. They get the roads from. And they love roads. We should actually make, instead of making them out of coffee gubs, we should make them out of coffee drinkers. Well, if they only figure out of the housing cracks them out of like stubby holders, that would be, that would be brilliant. Yes, that would be more Penruth.

But I think the point is... Although actually, Penrith is the sort of queer capital of the West. Is it? Yeah. Oh, it's very upmarket. It's a huge... Of course, everywhere's posh in the hole. There's nowhere in Sydney.

It's not posh now. Oh, yeah. Anyway, back to Apple. The Chaser Report, now with extra whispers. Was it inadvisable to have the... I think this is why it normally record our podcast before the wine. This is giving us brain necrosis. So basically, look, the thing is Apple products,

every single year, they're less snazzy, they're less special than they were the year before. Like this year, they're slightly more curved. They're made out of titanium. and they go to a five's, the ProMax has a five-time zoom instead of a three-time zoom. Yeah. And they're slightly better in low-light, whatever. Like, the difference is less every single year with them.

So why did we hinge a whole episode on talking about, why don't we talk about liver necrosis? That's what people want to know about, is the liver necrosis, not the, but no, no, but they didn't just announce iPhones today, Dom. They also announced a lineup of very, very similar watches. Yeah, that's true. The Apple Watch Series 9, which is like the Series 8, it's slightly brighter screen. Slightly faster? Slightly far. Yeah, it does the serial processing on device instead of in the cloud.

Well, that's because it's got enhanced neural GPU technology. So, I mean, it's an hour and a half long, this presentation. And somehow I found, well... I think we should make this podcast an hour and a half long in honour. And they also released the Apple Watch Ultra 2, which is the stupidly expensive one, which you buy if you either are into diving or running or adventuring or you're a wanker with what's money so i'm hoping to save up for what well there was a joke going around that um the apple watch ultra comes with a free you know patagonia vest with a hedge fund brand printed on it

definitely would yeah that's exactly what it would come with yeah um so that's the other thing that's out today and that's kind of it like there's nothing exciting oh the dynamic island feature now is on the regular iPhone 15 right so oh my god I am I'm just bored listening to myself I know it's never happened before yeah but normally I mean normally talking about Apple is quite yeah no should we just call it it's Apple's over yeah oh Apple's over there's nothing exciting like an hour and a half of present like to be honest I reckon yeah that fully two-thirds of that presentation today was simply them going it's getting throwing to one person and saying oh yeah there's a new

you iPhone. Over to you, Andrew. And then Andrew you going, yep, it's called the iPhone 15. Over to you, Sarah. And then there's this giant whizzing transition between the two. Like, fully two-thirds of the thing, which is incredibly elaborate camera transitions. Yeah. To try and pad the time, because I've got

nothing new to say. There is nothing. All the phones are the same now. There's nothing original or new at all. Like, even the one pathetic delight in my life of new technology, there's nothing new to it at all. But, Dom, you know what I'm holding out for from Apple? for the podcast?

No, is the next version of the Vision Pro. Oh, a Vision Pro that actually works. Yeah, Vision Pro 2. Because, you know, I think that's where we're going to get excited is. I haven't seen Vision Pro 1, but I'll tell you what, the next one, that'll be good. You're not going to get the first one. That would be very foolish. No.

You'll probably cause necrosis of the eyeballs. It's all just watching the world. The problem with me today is that I had this realization. I watched, I stupidly watched a video by George Mombio, who's launched this new, news service out of the UK. And it's all about actually the whole way the world works is the people who are most incentivised to get involved and donate to the political system in terms of corporations are the most bad, evil polluting corporations.

Oh, I see. Like the most anti-social corporations are the ones that are most in fear of being banned by the democratic process. And so we've created this system by allowing sort of companies to donate. It supercharges the involvement of anti-social corporations in our political system. But on the bright side. I'm just sort of depressed. On the bright side, sometimes they give you a puffer jacket with a hedge fund logo. Yeah, that is depressing.

I suppose to cheer ourselves up, Charles. we could um well we should go out and buy a new product we should talk about the voice ah i think we i think you know what the problem is with the voice in all honesty i was going to put give you one sentence that's the problem one word that's problem with the voice necrosis oh hang on just interpricis just sent me a text message this will cheer me up uh gear is from road we're part of the oconiclass network yeah we're good if tomorrow's one was less depressing but uh no guarantee no guarantees at this point it might be less tipsy yeah no guarantees at this point See it.