The Chaser Report - ARVO: Dylan Behan's Budget Breakdown

Episode Date: March 30, 2022

Dylan Behan of the NewsFighters podcast joins Charles, Aleksa and Gabbi for an Arvo Chat - about the budget! As always Dylan has the greatest gaffes and best bits from the news, and this time he has his sights set on Frydenberg's 2022 budget. If you missed out on watching it last night, Dylan has you covered! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to this extra special edition of The Chaser Report, the Budget Edition. Dylan Bean from Newsfighters podcast has been up all night going through the budget. Dylan, how are you feeling? You know, it's not my favourite thing to do. I don't know why I decide to do this every year. It used to be fun. What happened?

Are we getting poorer, Dylan? It's really boring, really boring budget this year. I don't know if you guys, did you guys see any of it? No. I tricked the budget like I treat my bank account, act as if it's not there and completely endless. I was sleeping like a baby. It was beautiful. Sorry.

Well, I'm insanely jealous. I'll tell you who else was about as excited as us for the budget was this panel of Sky News voters they had out at a focus group in Windsor. Listen to how excited they were to be there. Quick hands up. So for who this is. budget make you more likely to vote for the government? No hands? Anyone less likely to vote for the government? Andrew, all right. So at this stage it's affecting one voter in the negative in terms of this budget. And for how many do you think this package announced tonight,

cost of living, the pressures are going to be eased? Nobody. Okay. Seems pretty underwhelming so far the response. Oh, what an engaged electorate. Wait, how does he know... Australians love the budget. How does he know Andrew by name? They're a tight community. Oh, yeah, fair enough.

Yeah. There was about 15 or 20 people in the audience and they'd clearly pre-interviewed some of them, but like everyone there looked like they were falling asleep. That's really funny. You're like, you made me watch a 30-minute Josh Frydenberg's speech. That's half an hour of my life.

I'll never get back. Damn, you, Sky News. Anyways, to the speech itself. And I don't know, no one seems to have seen it, but there was only kind of one theme that Josh Frydenberg lent into when he was trying to deliver this rousing conclusion to the budget. But he just wound up sounding like an ad for your local pizza shop, if you ask me. Three years ago, we said to the Australian people that under the coalition, the economy would be stronger, and we delivered. And we deliver it. And we deliver it. And we deliver it. And we delivered. We will deliver. Yeah, I don't know.

There's a lot of things they haven't delivered the last nine years. But anyway, just ignore that. Was it free delivery or like? If there's a period that if they say that they've delivered, then the fact that they haven't delivered on anything. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. It's just literally, you just repeat it.

Yeah. I mean, you saw how engaged those Sky News voters were. They're probably like, yeah, they are delivery. They said they are. Andrew, Andrew, definitely thinks so. Andrew, Andrew disagrees. But the whole centrepiece of the budget, if you were wondering, was about addressing these cost-of-living pressures that are happening at the moment,

general inflation. Here's a clip. Budget is all about ensuring we deal with those immediate cost of living pressures, which Australians are feeling all around the country. Tonight, the Morrison government announces a new, temporary, targeted, and responsible cost-of-living package to ease these pressures. And of course we all know the best way to address cost of living pressures means handing out billions of dollars to obscure transport projects and buying military toys.

Yeah. Tonight's budget includes new commitments to road and rail projects. Brisbane to Sunshine Coast, fast to rail. Sydney to Newcastle, faster rail. The Metronet Project in Western Australia. The North-South Corridor in South Australia. Great Eastern Drive in Tasmania $10 billion for an East Coast submarine base

$4.3 billion to upgrade Perth's Henderson Naval Yard There's even more money for the controversial commuter car parks program Oh those car parks these cost of living Those car parks they've never built No I mean like I think I think we should be spending all this money on submarine stuff We've got to defend in case someone comes and tries to take our unbuilt car parks And is the theory that by building all this rail That in 30 years time, the transport cost

To take broccoli from farms to the city Will be reduced And so instead of paying $7 or $8 per head of broccoli It would go down to like $3 or $4? Are you just talking broccoli specific? Well, that's very expensive amount. Collieflow is like $9. It's also, I mean, you don't know how much faster it will be getting here

because it is a pretty vague promise. Instead of a high-speed rail, they're just like faster trains. Like that could be anything. Slightly faster. They're not building any new rail. They're giving money so that maybe the trip to Newcastle from Sydney takes less than four hours. Maybe they just speed it up a little bit.

Is it shorter so that when you get stabbed, you don't bleed out on the train? Is that the aim? Or just for commuters so they can actually get to sleep. night when after they get home they don't have to turn around and immediately come back to Sydney no that there was a one main centrepiece of addressing the cost of living and that was a cut in the fuel excise tax for the next six months Australians will save 22 cents a litre every time they fill up this cut in fuel excise which takes effect from midnight tonight will flow through to the bowser over the next two weeks

The competition watchdog will monitor retailers to make sure that these savings are passed on in full. Now, I worked on the checkout with some of you guys for five years, and if there's one thing I learned after working on five years on the checkout, it's that the competition watchdog is completely toothless and they won't do anything. Remember how good they were with the rapid test in January? Yeah, Christ. The Chaser Report. More news.

So basically every petrol station is going to get an extra 22 cents to spend on stuff. So it's the excise tax is paid by the wholesaler, so we just have to hope your local petrol station passes it along, which I'm sure they will. We can all trust our local station. Well, I mean, local petrol stations are known for their wife. But their integrity. They're honesty. One for the price of two. pricing system.

Yeah, I mean, we all remember when they were charging like $30 or $40 for a single rapid test back in January. You can trust these guys. The $4 carton of milk guys, things will be fine. But there must be some good news, Dylan. There is, actually. The government is going to be handing out free money to a surprising demographic that you weren't expected. The federal government is looking to win over older Australians with its upcoming budget. There will also be a boost for pensioners, also looking to lock in the vote of older Australians ahead of the May election.

Of course, you know, the $250 blatant cash bribe. Tonight, I also announce a new one-off, $250 cost-of-of-living payment delivered within weeks to 6 million Australians. Pensioners, carers, veterans. I love that they're acting like $250 is so much money. Like a one-off $250 payment. It was like enough to fill my car and buy a few groceries. But how bad is it... That's going to be a good week though.

How bad must it be for the Liberals and the coalition right now if they're having to buy the votes of old people, the usual demographic? People who vote for them. And it's like, oh no, grandma and grandpa are seriously looking at Albo. Quick, wave some money in their faces. Probably, though, it will work for the boomers. Because the boomers will go, $250.

That's a deposit on a house. That's a sharp change. I will spend that on a fine whiskey. I don't have anything else to buy. I already own a house in the car and children. There was something for young people, though, and it's something that every young person loves. It's a slightly lower tax bill.

Tonight, I also announce a new one-off $420 cost-of-living tax offset for more than 10 million low and middle income earners. But if it's a tax offset, do you actually get that money? No, basically it just brings your tax bill down a little bit, which is, you know, since everyone's an independent contractor now, it's like, you know, just enjoy being in slightly less debt this year. Yeah, great. And they made it 420 because, you know, like, young people, yeah.

Yeah, they want to seem youthful and fun. Yeah. Not only do I love paying my taxes responsibly as a citizen. but I also fucking love smoking weed. I've never heard this innuendo for poverty before. It's cost of living pressures. They just keep repeating it. It's such a freaky term.

Is it common? Cost of living is like a common term, but yes, it's almost like they could just fix the cost of living by increasing wages. Increasing wages. Presumably there's lots of measures to increase wages in the budget deal. Are you crazy? Of course not.

Great. I think a funeral cost more than children. Actually, I looked into this once, no reason. And I was like, what would happen, you know, if I'm if I'm dead? And it's like, oh, your super goes to your loved ones and they can use your super for your funeral, which means my funeral is going to be shit. Because my soup is like two grand. You can buy coffins at Costco.

Does my, does my hextet go to my loved ones? Yep. Oh, fuck. No, it doesn't. Yes, it does. What? Mm-hmm. You pay your hextet after your debt.

Do you really think the government are going to let you get away with $40,000 that you owe? Wait, so I'd have to have, like, a million sponsors and, like, ads on my funeral just to break even. Your coffin's going to look like a fucking NASCAR. I thought it was waived. Back when I was at uni, your tax debt was waived if you died. Oh, is it waived? Did the liberals get rid of that? So they're trying to incentivise people to die.

I thought they were passing it. Because isn't that the whole robo debt thing as well was, like, people who were passing away, and then they were getting debt collectors at their door being like, you owe the government. That wasn't for hex debts. That was just for welfare debts, as far as I know. Moving on to the reaction. to the... Yeah, let's talk more about the cost of dying pressures.

Sorry. It's more relevant to our audience. So the budget was basically just giving out bits and pieces of free money. So of course, everyone accused the Liberals of trying to buy votes ahead of the election. And when asked about this, Morrison and Frydenberg, didn't even deny it. They were just like, yeah, of course we are. Is the strategy simply to buy votes? This budget is about addressing the cost of living pressures being faced by Australian families. just a fistful of dollars of budget to try and buy votes at the next election.

Well, the measures to provide cost of living relief will be targeted. No pork barreling in this budget? Can you make that commitment? Hand on heart. You're not going to use this to pork barrel. That's your characterisation of what we consider to be important measures. Yes, that's your characterization. Completely accurate. So, yeah, so the Liberals have basically been accused of buying votes to which Labor said, How dare you try and buy votes like this will support it 100%. Mind you, it did give Shadow Treasurer Jim Chalmers the opportunity to practice some of his sick burns he's becoming famous for. The cash payments are not about getting Australians through a difficult period.

They're about getting the Morrison government through an election. This will be a panicked, desperate, tapped out budget from a panicked and desperate and clapped out government. This prime minister only holds a hose. it's spraying borrowed money on the eve of an election. Yeah, some great one-liners there from Jim Chalmers. I think he may have written himself. Let's see how Anthony Albanese went when he tried to copy those lines. Oh, no.

But this is a government that has been in decade for almost an office. What? In office for almost a decade. Two minutes to the end of their term, they're asking for a fourth term based upon spraying money around. The only time that this government holds a hose is to spray money around before an election. Sounds like he was up all night, looking at the budget as well. I think we need to start giving that man some sugar.

He's clearly fading. He's coming down. He's just got to not do the lines. He's just got to not talk in the elections. You're talking about coke? Yeah, I thought you were talking about coke. It makes him better at talking, yeah. I'll tell you what, that's a cost of.

living pressure. Well, that's what I'm spending my $250 on. It's the anything worth it. Alrighty, so that's the budget. You guys excited as I am? That was a great worth of my time and effort staying up till 4 a.m. Well, no, it definitely wasn't Dylan,

but do you reckon, is this going to save them? Like, what's your assessment? It's the expert. Oh, no, the general, all the Voxpops of the Sky News people and everyone was like, we don't care anymore. I think everyone's just, like, got the baseball bat. They're just like, we don't care anymore. Get the hell out of here.

We're done. We're done with you people. I hope. So I've got a question as someone who doesn't know a lot about how the budget works. If potentially the liberals are voted out, this budget still goes through? This is my question, yeah. Yeah, so they're voting on it today. So Labor's just like, yeah, we'll pass it all.

And then, of course, there are ticking time bombs in there that are going to hurt Labor because Labor's going to have to put up the petrol price in six months if they win. And get rid of the middle tax offset. So it's kind of like Labor's voting for their own self-destruction here if they Maybe that's why they made it the way they did. Oh, totally. Oh, totally. But Labor's actually said that they're going to do another budget in six months' time.

Are you excited, Dylan? I'll stay up all night again. I'll be back. Book it in. You get two budgets in one year. How great is that? Provided the government actually is voted out. It's Christmas.

Dylan, Ben, thank you so much. You can catch Dylan on the news. Spiter's podcast. How often does news fighters come out nowadays? Fortnightly. Fortnightly. Oh, okay, there you go. I shouldn't ask that question, I should say,

which I listen to every fortnight. And Dylan, thank you so much. Thanks for having me, and happy budget night, everyone. Happy budget night. Our gears from road microphones, and we are part of the ACAST Creator Network. See you tomorrow. Bye.