The Chaser Report - ARVO: Fady Kassab on what's more fair: love or war?

Episode Date: March 24, 2022

Comedian Fady Kassab joins Gabbi and Aleksa for an Arvo Chat. Fady is the winner of the 2019's RAW Comedy Championship, and talks about the long life story behind his upcoming show 'Is This Legal?' Fady dives into his upbringing in a war-torn Lebanon, and why he would choose a war-zone over dating any day. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chase of Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report for Thursday, the 24th of March. It is another afternoon edition. I'm joined by Alexa and new. Well, not new. You've been around the circuit more than I have. Amazing up and coming comedian Fatty Kasam. Yeah, I've been around.

Sorry, I didn't mean to be like, do I make him sound older or younger? Faddy, Faddy gets around, doesn't it? Yeah, Faddy gets around. How long can someone be up and coming? Forever. In Australia? I was up and coming, then plateaued for two years during COVID. Oh, yeah.

Up and coming then plateaued is great. That's right. That sounds really good. Well, I saw one of your live shows during COVID last year at Carriageworks. It was awesome. It was really hilarious. Actually, I'm just going to rant about how much I like your jokes. I should be asking questions.

Well, hold on. We're going to do that after the... Let's find out what Alexa thought of Fatty's stand-up show after this break. None of the medical advice contained in the chase Report should legally be considered medical advice. The Chaser Report. Yeah, I saw your show last year in Carriageworks and it was... No, not Carriage Works.

It was the grounds, grounds of Alexandria. That's where I got it wrong. That's right. Sick gig, venue. Oh, it was a really big gig, you know, with the high ceiling and the chandelier. Yeah, yeah. The chandeliers. Yeah, but this joke, it was so good.

It was, like, crying. It was, I think you were talking about getting an American visa or, like, writing out the forms. And they had all these different, like, different things you have to fill out. Actually, I'm going to butcher it if I do it. Well, it has to be prefaced a little bit because I always say, we in the Middle East, because I am Lebanese, for the listeners. I am Lebanese.

I grew up in 17 years of war. I say, like, America for us, it's just a great relationship because it's like, they're so cool, they're saving the world in the movies all the time, from us, usually. We're the villains. Yeah, and but they bomb us, but they're cool, but they keep bombing us. It's like having this gorgeous, abusive boyfriend. I love him. I go, honey, he beats you.

I don't think he should be with him anymore. He does it because he cares to you. He goes, shut up, I love him. It's my fault anyway. I have oil. And then I go, so I applied to migrate to the United States. And 20 years ago, and I filled out the immigration form. And I had a question, have you ever ordered, incited, committed,

assisted, or participated in genocide? What the fuck? And I freaked out. started sweating and I wrote, yes, sure, whatever it takes to become an American. I am willing. Let me in, please. I'll do anything. So it's a dark joke, but it's kind of a weird relationship because, of course, we have nothing to do against American people. It's just government policies and what they do in our area. I love that that's on the American form, though. It is. Like, of all the countries to have, have you participated in genocide? I feel like that could

be a rule, you know, reverse card. You guys have, surely. Only we're allowed to. Yeah. Well, no, it was a pretty, it was such a refreshing joke as well, because I got the feeling that, like, for a very long time, I guess since 9-11, like, anti-American jokes weren't allowed. Like, there was, like, a period where it was so hard to make any of these jokes. I mean, especially if you're from the Middle East. Yeah. Did you notice any shift, or were you always telling the same jokes? Oh, we were too busy dealing with the repercussions of 9-11. We started buying way more shaving cream, you know?

Like, it's like, no one should know we're Middle Eastings. Bring on the bacon. I'll eat bacon in public. I'm Catholic, everyone, watch out. So, well, Americans, the thing is, I don't think there are many migrant, you know, Middle Easterners doing it, and we stand up in Australia as much.

You hear it in Lebanon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Oh, yeah, we go crazy, you know. We were like, I used to have a joke that, because, you know, Israel gets $4 billion a year from the U.S. and paid. And you say, look, I'd buy a piece of land in Lebanon, that's very, very expensive to excavate.

So all I have to do is put a Hezbollah flag, and overnight, you know, boob, boom, boom, you know, wake up, Israel's done the job for you. The land is flat as a pancake. It's wonderful. You can use the war for property development. So we had that. And that joke kills in Lebanon.

So it's so true, Fadi. Kills in multiple ways. And people here go, oh, no, should we laugh at this? Are we allowed to laugh? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of are we allowed to laugh. Of course, yeah, yeah. What a great crowd.

I was actually warned before. the show, I was told, Fadi, don't go around now talking about growing up in the Lebanese war for 17 years. Just keep it light. Talk about Kim Kardashian or something. But I believe comedy is about pushing boundaries, yeah? Yeah, if that's true, I think Israel is hilarious. Look, I grew up in Lebanon, and when I was a kid, Israel invaded Lebanon. And, And I was at the time in our village playing in the garden when three tanks entered our village. I heard the noise. I ran to the front of the house to look at the tanks, and I stood in front of the tanks,

and my mom saw me, and she just panicked. She goes, Fadi, get away from the Israelis, get back here. And that goes to her, whoa. That's borderline anti-Semitic, isn't it? She didn't mean it. But then the Israeli soldier came out of the tank and started throwing candy for all of the the kids. My brother and I couldn't believe it. We collected the candy, we inhaled it. But I should have known better, actually. Because you told your whole life, don't take candy

from strangers, yeah? But no one ever told me, don't take candy from a stranger in a tank. I later learned that that's what the Americans did in World War II when they entered Berlin. They threw candy for all the kids. The idea is to associate the invasion with a sweet memory for the children. But for me, the damage was done. And to this day, each day, each time I watch a war movie, I crave sugar. I remember when we first met, though, you told me that when you came to Australia, that you actually came not to be a comedian, but for web design. That's right, yeah.

And I just want to ask you, did you think life was just too stable? Like, were you like, you know, this isn't for me, this work? You know, the internet got faster, and I thought that's it. You know, I can't keep up with this space. I designed at 12 MbPS. Yes, you bring the 300 now Optus? What the hell? No, I want to go slower, you know? Yeah, I suppose for a world that's going really fast,

web design slowly probably is the best. You know what's crazy? We started with very small screens when I studied design. 2002, right? I'm doing this degree. Graduated 2004 from Sydney Union and like, oh, 2004. Remember computers in 2004? Do you remember?

They're so, I don't know if it was cathode ray screen still. I don't even know what they were at the time. And we're designing so small. And then screens got bigger and going, yes, we have more real estate. And then mobiles came in and go, damn, you Steve Jobs. Yeah, we're back to this small, tiny design. Wait, so where are you going to go if comedy starts getting faster and faster? Like, what's the next?

Is there a risk there that's going to happen? Shorter attention spans. With the internet, short attention spans. You've got to make a joke every three seconds. Yeah, and 15 second reels and all that. Yeah. So you have to keep up with editing skills for the internet, or else your comedy career is gone.

Yeah. And every comedian now has someone filming them nowadays. And following them, it's like, guys, I have this gig. Come, oh, here's just a snippet of my interaction with the audience. And you go, oh, it's time for this. Oh, I'm exhausted looking at them. I'm always asked to film my gigs, and I always forget until the very last second. And the problem I'm having is I feel really horrible because I'm really new to the Sydney comedy scene, obviously.

And so I always end up asking another comedian who's on the bill being like, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm really sorry. I know I'm not this person. I have to do it for advertising. Can you please just film my set on your phone? Oh, so married. Somebody had to do it at a gig that we shed. You were emceeing at the factory. At the factory.

And I literally, I don't know if you remember, but I had to literally run around the back and be like, I'm so sorry, Steph, can you please film my set for me? And then I call it about 30 seconds of your vamping before I was running back on stage. It was brilliant. And you know how it appeared because Gabby has to set up her keyboard to do her show, right?

And I was told Faddy killed time, you know, the MC as she's setting up. So now she's, I'm standing on stage, making jokes as she's to my left, carrying her gear, heavy stuff and setting. And people are looking at me like, why isn't he helping her? And I looked like a dick. It's like, I was so sorry, you know, we can't have dead air on stage. Like, I have to fill this. Yeah, but you killed.

You came up with a set in my head out of thin air that night. I kind of didn't want you to stop. I was like, I might just give my set to me. It was really good. Oh, I block out these nights, you know, anything that's... I block out these nights. Maybe that's what made you killed you. Do you think for your next set you're going to have just Gabby setting up behind you?

Just for good luck. Yeah. Oh, you're my background, you know, extra. We tell everyone it's high concept and we just never explain what the concept is. That's right. Oh, we don't even have to tell them. No. Go really deep.

They'll love it. Setting something up. No one's coming up. They'll love that shit. The Chaser Report. Less news. Less often. Let's say if Gabby isn't in the show, what's your next show about?

Is this legal? Yes, my show, I just did it in Adelaide. It kind of went through the fire of Adelaide, you know? It's been reborn. It's a phoenix. Because you start the show, because Adelaide's kind of, sorry Adelaide,

but it's for working the show. It really is. So you can take it to Melbourne. No one's going to test it in Melbourne for Perth, for example. Yeah, true. So I did all that in Adelaide. And it is, it actually,

it's about me entering the dating world after divorce. Yeah. And having two children, but I start with all my trauma that I brought with me from childhood. So from the war and the migration, everything from, food trucks and UNICEF and all that culminates in a date and how I bring all that with me

to a relationship and if women can handle that at all, you know what I mean? Or any person can handle it. So ultimately it's about rebirth and restarting because when I left Lebanon and the war, I had to restart my life in Australia. And then after that, after the marriage ended, I had to restart my life again. So there's a lot of parallels on rebooting. So that show explores that. I think beautiful concept for a show.

How did the date go? Horrible. It's comedy. It's like, oh, yeah, of course. Imagine it ends with, I got late. Good night, everybody. Everyone turns up for a 60-foot set. It's a one-and-out.

Yeah, that's it. Oh, it's brilliant. But, I mean, it's called, is this legal? So, you know, the question at hand is, how many laws do you break during the show? You got any? It's definitely, there's an, that's the word, it's an allusion to everything that's how.

happened before. And I used to have a joke that I took out, but it's about the dating world and because people always give you ocean metaphors when you, when you, it's like, it's plenty of fish in the sea. Oh, yeah. Something like, the world's your oyster, you know, it's like all that. And I, I'm going, I don't know, I haven't fished in years. Like, if I catch a fish, I'm not even sure it's legal to take it home, right? So it was one of the, but it's out of the show that The joke, but it was kind of the legality is how the world, how

I've been set up as a Middle Eastern migrant in the world, so everything from dealing with government, dealing at airports, dealing with racism, Cronulla riots, all that stuff happened, and then how that gets carried through to dating as well, because there's subtle racism as well. We all have.

It's not just, you know, the date. So I carry that through to the date, but it's in a fun way. Everybody, come on, I don't want to take you to a dark place and leave you there. You know, it's really funny because over the course of interviewing a lot of comedians in the lead up to Melbourne, a lot of people are like, oh, yeah, this show is about, you know, my life and all my traumas and, oh, but it's funny. It's funny.

No, come, it's really funny. It's really funny, though a pandemic will make you go introspective with your material. Yeah, I mean, trauma is the Greek word for wound, you know? We all talk about wounds, wounds, baby, and that's what... I don't think anything, the most hilarious moments is when that trauma is frozen in time. I mean, we comedians, we always leave it. and then mom walked in and caught me masturbating. Good night, everyone.

And so you suspend that trauma. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's what comedy is about. So we have to go to this dark, painful place. Yeah, why therapy when you can just tell a crowd of strangers? That's the same for me. Although, I will ask, because you say, obviously, your show is about entering the dating world

after going through everything you've gone through. So you've been through a war zone and the dating world. What's more frightening? The dating world. Yeah, right? Yeah, for sure. Yeah. The war, you'd know where danger is.

You know, they would say, stay away from that area. In Sydney, for me, it's Bondi, usually. Like, stay away from the demilitarized zone of Bondi Beach. That's pretty terrifying from the dating world. The US was funding women to fuck with you. And, you know, there are consent apps these days, you know. You know, like any of them actually work, though, do you? Really?

I don't know. If the consent app doesn't work, Gabby. Yeah. What can we do? You know? Can you imagine how details? That's why we need more web designers to fix the consent apps. Oh my God, you're the answer.

I am the answer. You could make the consent out better. Do you have any advice for our listeners in the dating scene? This is me recently. Recently single as well, so this is just for me. Sort yourself out. I'd say sort yourself out before going out to the dating scene. Don't bring all your baggage with you.

That's so much harder than going on a date. I know. Or you end up crying in someone's bed and you don't know why. It's much more good to cry in your own bed. Yeah. It's a better place to cry. It is my, tell my kids that.

Anything happens, they run to me. And so I can't wear anything nice. My shirts are always snot and tears. And people go, how tall are your kids? I say, I don't know. Look down. Where's the mark on my shirt?

That's how tall. My daughter is. Yeah. Whereabouts are your shows? Where can we see them? In Melbourne, I'll be at the Oxford Scholar. Ooh. And that's in the city.

That's fancy. Yeah, that's nice. Is it? Oh, see, I've been to Melbourne once. I think, I think, I think the Oxford's night. It has a very fancy night. It's next to our MIT.

So it's right next to the University. It's next to the Melbourne Central. Right in there. Yeah, right in there. Beautiful. And it's March 30 until April 10. Nice. And every night, there's no break.

Oh, yeah. 7 p.m. and Sundays on 6 p.m. But, and then I'm doing Sydney after that. In May, I'll be in Sydney. So, yeah, I'll be at the factory theater. Hey, we do. Yeah. Nice.

Well, you, of course, you'll be setting up. Oh, yeah. I'll be doing my high concept. Oh, great? For your show, I suppose. I'll be at the container, the big container, which is the terminal. It's like a shipping container, you know those? That's pretty cool.

It's great because I can use it and say, hey, that's how I came to Australia. Hey, what am I doing back here? Hey, yo. I won't say that, of course. Hey, oh, what are you all doing? I'm sorry, I'll get no respect. You should sit, dress it with boxes. It'll be brilliant.

Oh, that would be wonderful. Yeah, and hey. Oh my God, you can catch Faddle at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival and the Sydney Comedy Festival. And you can also follow him on all these socials. What are your social media? Do you have like a handle across a lot? Yeah, yeah, kind of.

Faddy Kasab, Faddy Kasab, Faddy Kasab on Twitter, on Instagram and Facebook, it's the Faddy Kasab. Because Faddy Kasab was taken by me for my personal. Wave design. Oh, no. Yeah, God. Yeah, I know. So I took it from my side.

Are you planning like legal action against this person? I should. Sue yourself. He's an immigrant. I'll win. Thank you so much for coming on the show about it. Thanks for having me. Wonderful. Best of luck.

Thank you. I can't wait to see it. Thanks, Gabby. Thanks Alex.