The Chaser Report - ARVO: Heckler Emails with Lauren Bonner

Episode Date: March 17, 2022

Comedian and writer Lauren Bonner joins Gabbi and Aleksa for an Arvo Chat. Lauren tells the story of the time she received a heckle via email, and asks Gabbi and Aleksa if they believe in signs from loved ones. Lauren also hosts the podcast 'Big Natural Talents' and is performing her show 'Elephant' at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to the Chaser Report, afternoon edition. It's Thursday the 17th of March and we're joined by comedian extraordinaire Lauren Bonner. Hi Lauren. Hello, what an intro. Yeah, look, I think it's just Thursdays. You get the best out of me. It's something I elicit and look, listeners, I will say for you at home, she is holding in hand. a dare iced coffee, which is...

Not sponsored, but could be. It's not, but I'm going to call it a cry for help. It definitely is. It always is. One of those days. We'll find out about more cries for help with Lauren after this. None of the medical advice contained in The Chaser Report should legally be considered medical advice.

The Chaser Report. Lauren Bonner is here. She's a comedian, a writer and a podcaster, so I feel a bit threatened, Alexa. I don't know about you. She's definitely better at this job. Oh my God, I was trying to flex when she came in, like, this is a microphone. Yeah, I've seen these babies before.

It's not my first radio. Oh, my God. So what's your podcast all about? My podcast is called Big Natural Talents. It's with another comedian, Conchetta Caristo. I love conchetta. Yeah, I say the name so often that I forget that it's silly. Yeah.

And makes people think of tits. But that's kind of what I am as well in the comedy world. Silly makes people think of tits. Hmm. I wish I had that power. Yeah, yeah. I wish I had tits. People think, God, she'd be so successful if she had tits.

She'd be camera ready. Good thing we're on a podcast, huh? Yeah. Yeah, I always thought when you got famous, the first thing they hand out for free is dental. Like, I've been waiting for somebody to be like, oh, you're famous, Invisaline, I'd just die. That'd be amazing.

Anything, even wardrobe. I'd love just wardrobe, any guidance. To just decide what you wear. God. They've analyzed your measurements and they go, will look good on you. Here you go. Here's the thing. Wear it. Bring it back. I wonder what an iron shirt is. Yeah. Instead you bring clothes. If you do any kind of TV, they're like, bring three options and you bring stuff and then like, well, you can't wear any blue because the background's blue.

And I'm like, no one told me. And everything around is old. Anyway, this isn't really the point. I'm very happy to be here. Thank you for having me. So you also, aside from being a podcast queen with Conchetta on Big Natural Talents, you're also doing a show called Elephant. And it says here, my notes that elephant is a show about chaos, volcanoes, ghosts and trying to be okay with giving up control. Where did the title come from? Yeah, yeah, I know. And like, God, because I've done a few interviews now, like, pre-Melbourne, you do some interviews and they're like, tell us about the show. And it's like, I'm like, I think I'm bad at articulating myself. And then I was like, I think it's my

job to articulate myself. But no, the elephant comes from like a few things in the show. So I think like what really kicked off me working on the show was I was thinking about how I'm such like an avoidant kind of person I think like a lot of comics are like when anything kind of earnest or vulnerable is happening you kind of just go like ooh as was all a joke so yeah kind of kicking off around that and how I felt when my grandmother was dying but it's really funny guys yeah so there's a real elephant and there's also it's kind of like the elephant in the room beautiful oh it's a metaphor oh we love that very creative oh my god it's brilliant i love when that happens like when you name a show and then it like did you write did you actually write the title before

i've been asking every comedian this lately because for me it's just been a mess of like i named the show and then kind of wrote the show yeah did you name the show then write the show or are you like one of the lucky ones who wrote the show and then got to name it something that actually had something to do with the show i am a lucky one um i didn't like tell me you're see no i mean i was because during like the big long lockdown Sydney I was just doing lots and lots of like writing of things but not really stand up comedy because you can't make like write jokes when you're just in your home alone yeah um but I was just doing lots and lots of writing like all about like that like stuff and this and that and like the elephant is also like a reference to um do you know the cartoon um baba bar bar bar bar oh my god I loved

yeah and every time I said I say I used to say barba but then everyone was like I'm it's pronounced Baba yeah and then now when I say Baba people like um it's Baba so I I have no idea. I'm Bebba, yeah. It's a great show, though. But that comes up a little bit in the show as well. You've done some trial shows as well for this show. And you've apparently received some interesting emails.

Oh, my God. Okay, so, and I also, like, I was, because this is such a funny email, but I was also like, oh, no, I hope it's not, like, making the show sound bad. It won't. Bear in mind, I was doing some trial shows, but we did them. So my management also manages, like Danielle Walker. Yeah, oh, wow. I think also that night was Aaron Chan.

Like there was a few shows. Scott, you're fine. He was hitting my water bottle. There was like a few shows in a row. We did all like back to back and like audiences would just come and watch them. It was just like above a pub. Like there was like 10 people there. Brilliant.

Just to run the show. And this like strange old man came and he didn't just watch my show. He watched a few of the shows. Oh no. And I was talking to him after my show though and he was really friendly and complimentary. He was like, oh, like you know when you did this bit, I think he could take it a bit further. It was really interesting. And I was like, oh, thank you so much.

Strange man. People pleasing. Like this weird. old man it's like hello and I'm like hi thank you so much do you find I've been talking about this before but like do you find that you have like a voice that goes about five tones higher than your actual voice when you change people yeah when I finish shows I'm always like oh my god hi how are you thank you so much for coming and then I finished that sentence and I'm like I don't fucking sound like that I hate it so you were talking to this guy I was and he was like oh

you know I really enjoyed it like do you have a manager or something and I said oh yeah like they put on these shows actually so they manage you know Danielle who you're going to watch next and and he was like oh can i get their the email address you know i'd love to tell them how much i enjoyed the show and i'm okay well if you just go to the website i just came the website junkyard dot com whatever and then and then i he was like oh thank you so much and then i even like i saw him like he was ordering food and he was like oh what did you get loren like he was very like personable so then he sends this email and i should i just read it out word to word but i know where it's a short pod so he says get a junkyard and then in brackets introduction key music i'm a seasoned

performer who decided to get into stand-up when I saw how unfunny so much of it was. What the fuck? That was pre-COVID and obso, so observational, was all outraged. I thought I could be funnier, and with the open mic sets I did, I was. And then he's attached like a photo of himself at an open mic. And then he said, post-COVID, well, we hope. Stand-up is even unfunnier. Apparently you just tell your life story with none of the techniques that have always made people laugh.

Part of the problem is the rejection of one-liners. And then he has an example. If you lose a homing pigeon, you haven't. You've just lost a pigeon. Is that a really funny one-liner? What the fuck? And so anyway, he says, US comics are bringing the back. I notice.

I sprinkle them in just as insurance. But my new character, Pablo Alonzo, looks at life from an extreme Mexican viewpoint. What the fuck? Yeah. I'm so sick of these non-extremeximate. Mexican viewpoints, you know, just the mundane Mexican viewpoint that everyone else does? Boring. Take it to the next level. And I know you're wondering like, oh, is this a bit problematic? But it's fine because he says,

being married to one helps me with the accent. Fucking hell. And yeah, and so he says, like, I'm much funnier than your present lineup. And that's no joke. I've spoken at conferences. I know how to make audiences react. Reach me on this email or a phone number. Then he signs off with his name, aka Pablo Alonzo. What's comedy, if not a very small conference? yeah it really is oh my god it's such a weird like almost betrayal like well he didn't even have

to come up to you and be like i love it i know and it's like he had their email just because like it was arranged because like he was like on the email list of the the agency like he could have found them anyway i thought it was the funniest neg of my life but it wasn't just about my show and it's really funny guys and it's not just my life story um there's loads of jokes and i do jokes all the time at comedy clubs, just trust me. Are there any accents, though? Yeah. You don't need vaguely racist content?

No. And all my Mexican viewpoints are very mild. Oh my God. That's horrendous. What's come of this man? Have they responded to him? Have you got some competition? I don't think they did.

You mean they didn't sign him on the spot? Yeah. Well, I assume they signed him and he's kind of catapulted to start him. I don't know if they replied, but maybe. I mean, knowing my manager, he'd probably look. He just loves this kind of silly stuff. He'd probably love to annoy this man. I am curious to see his set.

Yeah. Maybe, maybe like a few. Just keep an eye out for Pablo. Yeah, crazy, Pablo. He'll turn up on all of the comedy sets. Then I was like, should I say his name? Is his character name? I don't think it's really an established character.

No, fuck it. Say it. He's the kind who emailed. I feel like... But guys don't, like, hear his name and go see his show. It's like, don't support him, please. Yeah. He doesn't come up if you Google him.

Yeah, that's fine. The Chaser Report. Now with Extra Whispers. You were saying before that your show Elephant sort of dabbles in. I know you were saying, it's funny, it's funny, come see it, but it also dabbles in, you know, topics of, like, grief and losing a loved one. But we've got a question for you here that says, do we receive, quote, signs from dead loved ones?

Yeah. Oh, that John Edwards. Yeah. Very cool. Yeah. Because what do you think? think because this is something my mom has always done and my nan always did it's like but like I feel like it's such a mom thing to just take it a bit too far like at the slightest

thing like my mom will be like oh nan is here oh there's just like you know people who are like I saw a bad yeah but dorry and I knew it was my dad his spirit like you'd have to have been him yeah I'm always kind of skeptical but then it's always like kind of wistful like you want it to be real do you have you ever seen the sign and you be paranormal people I'm I'm not at all really paranormal, but I don't know whether that's out of wanting to seem cool or wanting to like not believe in anything. Because like it's funny, I go through these phases of like, I don't believe in anything religiously anyway. So like I've started off strong. But then it's like, yeah, when I think for me when a certain song comes on the radio and you're like, oh, like that was my

yada yada's favorite song. Yeah, yeah. And you kind of do go, oh, it's a bit nice. But I don't think I ever really think like, oh, there's a bird with one leg, reminds me of granddad. You don't think the radio is, like, possessed by their voice and sending your message by playing the song. And I get really jealous of people who do think that. Because I'm like, fuck your brain must be lovely. You don't need to feel that jealous. I had an experience, I think I was like overseas and this man comes up to me and starts saying all these very vague things about my dead granddad. And I was just like, holy shit, how does this guy know? This is amazing. It keeps going and then before you know it I've paid him like hundreds of pesos to do a reading and do

all this stuff so I mean it's it's very easy to get exploited when when you're into that kind of stuff I just I just don't believe in psychics or mediums very much at all now Lauren's going to tell us all about yeah what's real yeah what about you like no I don't know and like again like I'm not a religious person either as well and I'm a big like I don't know and I always think like oh I don't know if I really believe in ghosts, but then whenever, like, anyone tells me any kind of ghost story, I'm like, I believe you. Yeah. Just straight up a bat or even just, like, heaps of, I don't know.

I think I like stuff. I think, like, psychics and tarot cards and stuff, like, if nothing else, they kind of provide you a way of thinking about things, like horoscopes. Yeah, I agree. This month will be difficult for you and you need to work hard. And it's like, hey, maybe I do need to work hard. Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of self-proposizing.

Exactly. Makes sense. I try to rationalise it as like a old-school form of psychiatry by just giving you different vocabulary, different ways to look at a certain thing that's happening. Yeah. And you also kind of, I don't know, I think like I'm not someone again who's religious and my brother is, my brother is actually an Anglican minister. And so like thinking about grief and stuff, like I compare us a little bit in the show as well where he had such a big point of reference, I guess. Yeah, like a guide. Yeah, whereas if you don't, then you don't, and you're just like, is that bad, Nana? Yeah. But wait, in that position, is he just like, well, I'm going to see Nana anyway?

Yeah. Like, you know, that sounds amazing. I mean, yeah, exactly. Like, oh, like, and whenever I talk to my brother, which we are close and, like, of course, we have lots of things that we don't have in common, but, you know, he's a good guy. Like, whenever we talk about, I'm like, obviously, like, I know you and all your friends are happier than me and mine. I'm like, I can tell.

Although, I mean, it sounds, it sounds kind of like a bad breakup because like usually, you know, when it happens, you want it to be over and done with, if you're constantly entertaining the idea that like, oh, you know, maybe we'll see each other again. Like, it's going to drive you crazy over the rest of your life. Maybe it's better just to be like, that's it. I think it's really funny though how humor plays into grief and loss in that way. Like if you don't believe in a higher power or whatever and you go to a funeral of someone you really loved, but they did believe in. in that, the funeral is a fucking comedy goldmine. Because like, okay, I lost a friend when I was about 20, and he was about 20. It was really, sounds like a comedy gold mine. It was horrible. It was really sad. And it was like a Catholic service.

And like, the guy, as far as I knew, wasn't like super Catholic, but then again, you never really know who's super Catholic until later on, I suppose. But so it was a Catholic service, but his family had an amazing sense of humor. They're still alive, I shouldn't say had. They have an amazing sense of humor. It's not funny anymore. Incredible satire. And so you see, like, what's just, it's just the imagery.

Like, you go into this beautiful, beautiful church, and it's packed to the rafters, just full of people, really, really sad. Obviously, there's a casket. It's, like, horrible. And then the priest, because obviously it's a Catholic service, comes out in, like, that, you know, that beautiful embroidered, like, sort of, I don't really know what the name of it is, but, like, that scarf that goes over the robe. And, like, it's very solemn.

Yeah, and it's, like, super solemn. and they do all these sort of, like, traditional rituals of, you know, what you do through a funeral service. And so this priest is like, we're now going to bless the casket. And you go, oh, fuck. Like, for me, I'm like, when I'm dead, plant me in the ground and just throw a piss up. Like, I don't want to do. You don't want to hedge your bets.

I don't want a priest being like, bless the casket. So I'm sitting here going, oh, God, like, this just makes things so much sadder. The family prepared for this. I had had a conversation with his sister earlier in the week being like, oh, my God, the music choices and she's like, I'm on it. And I was like, okay, so this priest starts blessing this casket and teenagers by my chemical romance starts playing. Now, I've never been in more of a confusing comedy space because it's literally the saddest thing

to attend. And then there's this priest just like, they're going to clean up the looks with all the lies in the book. And you're like, this is so confusing. And then his sister just sort of turned to me from the front row and was just like, she was smiling yeah she just kind of went like these are the songs that he really loved and it's like that's when you know like it's a good but yeah confusing space to be in because there's this tradition involved and then you can kind of tweak it with humor it's like yeah pretty rough

anyway that's my story about my dead friend I don't know I reckon it's always easy to get a laugh at a funeral I think um because it's like something it's like either like the juxtaposition of like the immense grief and like levity yes or it's like um my thing as well of like if things are it's like the harder something is to deal with the more desperate you are to distract yourself from it and so like you want you really want to laugh even if you're upset that's why like i feel like our eulogies always get a laugh yes great audience great room yeah great room yeah i do one and i'm like god i'd love to do this on like we could set this up for a saturday night or something feel this confident yeah the thing is

you'd have to start killing people. Yeah, you would. You've got to kill to kill. There is a movie in that, like a desperate stand-up comedian starts murdering people in order to give killer eulogies, but like literally,

yeah, they love it. It's called killer eulogy. We're going to write this. Done. We're going to write it now. Chaser is going to commission it. No, we'll fund it. You write it and we'll cast you in it.

So what kind of signs have you received from loved ones? Well, there's one in the show that I don't want to give away. But some that, like, my mom and my grandma always used to do is um which i mean i've been doing a joke about it for years um but i'm also doing in the show but like my grandma and my mom we always used to go shopping together like westfields and stuff and like they'd always like be like oh come on nana like my grandma's mom like get us a spot like in the

car park yeah and like where i thought they were like being a bit much with that is i'm like i don't want like nana to be in the car park like there's like cultures that are like worship like people talk to their ancestors and things out but they're like we want nana in b2 of west feel she we want her down here on the ground live in cars like she's a valet now that's amazing oh brilliant so now when you get a free spot is it just like a it's a sign i don't know then i can't help myself sometimes like if i get a really good parking spot which i often do wow i will just be like yeah i'm blessed like that's god you'd feel guilty though right yeah yeah fuck that means she was here the whole time like chill out no no don't you don't

need to move the cars. Do me a solid. That's really nice though. I want to believe in more stuff like that. Well, it's nice. It is, it is nice. Because then it's also like,

well, if it's real, then like that's awesome because everything has meaning and like things aren't meaningless. Or if it's not real and you are just like kind of thinking it and making it up,

then like that's kind of just as good. Yeah, it gives you the same dopamine level. Who cares at that point? Lie to yourself. Do you like CBT on yourself to believe in ghosts? Absolutely.

CBT to believe in ghosts, paranormal CBT. Yeah. Beautiful. Therapists, get on it. I'm telling myself a story that ghosts aren't real. Yeah, do good of that. Well, Lauren, it's been, really, it's been kind of spooky. I feel like I'm getting a sign in the studio right now to say it's been really awesome

to having you here on the podcast. Getting a sign to wrap up. The signs from our dead producer outside. Oh, he's about to be dead when he sees how I've edited this. But yeah, thank you so much. for coming on. So if you don't know, Lauren, she's on the podcast, Big Natural Talents with Conchetta Caristo. And she's also doing her show, Elephant, at the Melbourne Comedy Festival from the 31st of March to the 24th of April.

Brisbane Comedy Festival? Yeah. Brisbane Comedy Festival from the 3rd to the 8th of May and Sydney Comedy Festival on the 19th and the 20th of May. So you can catch all of that. Do you want to plug your socials or anything? Yeah, you can get tickets and details and just see what I'm up to at Lauren Y Bonner on Instagram or Twitter. beautiful thank you so much i've got one quick final question oh god um this is a bit serendipitous maybe it's a sign but um during our last uh interview on this podcast not this for some reason we brought up um this group of girls that travels around the world with pit bull oh yeah with emma yeah we did with emma holland and then i was talking you to research this thing

and you shared that exact photo yeah because it's amazing it's just brilliant the most the most bad ones their name what what drew you to the most bad one i don't know i just think mr worldwide has always been a figure of my fascination i don't really know or care for his music but you know what i actually read once about mr worldwide is that he is loyally married a family man and a great philanthropist oh my god so what are the big ones yeah so he's actually a really great guy and i think specifically in education he's like paid for people's degrees wow mr worldwide is also mr nice see i thought he was a super sad dude i'm like if you're traveling around the world with the most bad one Like, you're not connecting to anyone.

I think it's all the facade, and I think he, like, loves his wife. Maybe the most bad ones are the students he's paid for college for. Maybe, yeah, they might be lawyers. Don't judge them. Yeah. I don't know, I've said this before. I want to be in the most bad ones. I reckon I'd be set up for life in that group.

Well, we've got to get that Channel 9 tit job. Yeah. Yeah, let's angle for that. I'm going to do that. Oh, good shit. Well, that's what I wanted to know. This episode brought to you by Mr. Worldwide. And the real bad, the most bad ones.

Yeah, please don't accept that. I'm very disrespectful. Thank you so much, Lauren. It's been a pleasure having you here.