The Chaser Report - ARVO: Keep Sami Shah's Name Out Your F&#!ing Mouth!

Episode Date: April 1, 2022

Sami Shah is joined by Charles, Gabbi, and Aleksa for an Arvo Chat. What does Sami think of the infamous Chris Rock and Will Smith Oscar incident? Listen to find out his hottest take yet. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chase of Report. Hello and welcome to the 7 a.m. podcast. I'm Charles Firth. And with me are Gabby and Alexa and Samisha. What, 7 a.m. Are we with... I thought we were getting Saturday paper money and then we'd really be rich. Did you know in Italy, April Falls is called April Fish? Oh, is it? I have no idea why. Do they trick people? Wait, where is it called April Fish? What?

Italy, apparently. They're fucking weirdos. Why would you call it a day of fish? I don't know. I don't get it. I just saw it somewhere today. Oh, I think they might have. Okay, well, verified information there.

Maybe it was in April Fool's. I don't know. Did you play any April Fool's pranks on your kids, Sammy? No, she's sick and we had a cold COVID scare recently because we thought that she might have COVID by turn that of the flu. So we actually found her with the flu this morning and not COVID. So technically she played an April Fool's prank on us because for a second there, I thought I'd have to avoid the entire comedy festival

for the next seven days and lose a ton of income. So, well played to her. I, um, with my kid, I told him that school was cancelled for the rest of the year. Yeah. And he got really sad about it.

And I felt really bad. He went, oh, no, that's terrible. I don't want that. What a nerd. And I, yeah, what a nerd. Yeah, so I just, you know. You gave him a, no. He wedged him.

Charles wedged his son. I felt really bad. Like, they're terrible ideas, April Fools. Yeah, yeah. We should get rid of them. April Fools! Oh, this scenery is going to be fun. Okay.

Keep me on my toes. So today we're going to talk about Ukraine and Will Smith. I think they're naturally sort of job. But let's first of all go to an ad break so we can come back and make some money. Or maybe we won't. April Falls. No, we need the money. Please listen to the ad.

You don't even have to like them You can scroll through them actually But if you're driving, just tell Syria skip 30 seconds Get ready to skip now Yeah The Chaser Report Now with extra whispers So Sammy

Which one do you want to talk about first Ukraine or Will Smith? I think the real question is Who gives the shit about Ukraine anymore Like really Like everyone cares I'm surprised we didn't ask Zelensky About Will Smith

When he spoke to the Australian Parliament the other day because do you know Zelensky spoke to Australia like he actually made a plea to the Australian government for armored vehicles this would have been two weeks ago the biggest story when we all loved Zelensky and he was a sex symbol and all we cared about was how Zelensky is doing apparently one millionaires slaps another millionaire at an award show that no one gives a fuck about is the only award show that's probably almost as useless as the fucking Logies and now suddenly no one cares about Zelensky. There could be people dying in Ukraine

right now and we're like, oh, that's so lost week, shut up. Did you hear about Zelensky as you hear about Will Smith slapping Chris Rock? Did you actually see his address to Parliament? Will Smith? No, Zelinski, did you see it, Sammy? I watched the video,

yes. Yeah, because it was like a Zoom call and it just reminded me, remember in the deep dark days of lockdown, our comedians would have to do these Zoom stand-up routines. Zelensky used to be a comedian and it was like that

it was sort of really depressing and he had all the problems that you do in those things where you say something big and then you can't really hear the applause afterwards he's just hoping that people are clapping and you go a little bit short you know in comedy clubs you go long

because you want to fill time but in the Zoom you think you're going long which actually going short Zelensky had all the problems the comedian would have on Zoom I didn't say the end did he plug his Patreon no he plugged his comedy festival show

which is it's called Unappreciated and he's performing under the name Sammy Shaw and tickets are available right now so yeah yeah thank you Gabby thank you you gotta respect the game

you can't respect the player you're gonna respect the game yeah that's right yeah I don't have to do that anymore because I'm gonna sell out so yeah you will that is the wankiest thing I've ever said I am I'm gonna flyer

I'm gonna flyer your audience by the way just to fight you now and I'll be like hey you know who's under-repress appreciated this show. That's so mean. Zelensky's country is getting bombed and now you're just like...

Soullessly plugging our show. We can't concentrate on Zelensky. Every time we're talking about Zelensky, suddenly we're talking about something else. Comedy, yeah. It's a, well, it's mass hypnosis. So what was your take on the big story, Will Smith? Um, I mean, what possible take can you have? Don't slap a grown man at an award show.

If you're a grown man yourself, maybe it would be a nice take. But somehow that's controversial now. Apparently, saying, hey, act of violence is violence, but words aren't violence, is somehow me now just being a right-wing, you know, sky-news person, and I'm not woke enough. So wait a minute. So, wait, sorry, what's the right-wing position? Apparently, the only true ethical position to have is that the act of violence here was Chris Rock saying J.D. Pinkett Smith will look good in G.I.J. to reference to a movie that came out in 1997

that people had to fucking Google to remember but what wasn't violence was Will Smith slapping Chris Rock in the face that's apparently a retribution and justified action and evidence of God knows how many different isms so does that mean that Putin is not being violent in invading Ukraine because that's just conventional violence but Zelensky is

being violent by making fun of protein in the past. He said some awful things about food. Back the wrong horse, apparently. Yes. And sort of saying, oh, I might join NATO. That's the equivalent of alopecia, isn't it?

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? I'm going to go fucking harder. Here's what I'm going to say. I'm going to say something really fucking cancel worthy right now.

Here we go. Alopecia, not a fucking disability. I'm sorry, but it isn't. I have friends with alopecia who've had their whole lives. and I looked it up on all the disability lists. Alopecia has not listed as disability. It sucks.

I'm not saying it isn't terrible. It's an autoimmune disease. Your body is literally rejecting the hair on your body and it causes all kinds of issues and psychological problems. But it isn't qualified as a disability. So on people on Twitter, can this please stop saying stop making fun of people with disabilities because that he wasn't making fun of someone disability.

If she was in a wheelchair and he doesn't make fun of wheelchairs, Chris Rock is a fucking asshole. But he just said G.I.J. in two in reference to a woman. who's bald who we don't even know she has alopecia how the hell does everyone know what the fuck is going on in jada pinkett smith's life who are these fucking losers watching a biggerid celebrity just and listening to her podcast what is wrong with everyone that's what i thought the wildest thing about this was is that i have no idea who jada pinkett smith is i had no idea and only once will

smith slapped this man while i was like oh she's bold like the whole purpose of the slap to defend against against this allegation something's just like this is all i can think of The only reason I know anything about Jada Pinkett Smith is because my ex-wife used Jada Pinkett Smith's podcast as a justification for cheating on me by saying, look, open marriages work. All right. So I hate Jada Pinkett Smith as much as I hate my ex-wife. That's all I'm going to fucking say about that. So that was Sammy Shah.

He won't be appearing anymore on this or any other podcast. No, all I'm saying is, like, at some point, we've now got. gotten so caught up in granular details about every single thing that happens, when there's a fucking war on that we should be paying attention to, that the conversations now become that, look, Chris Smith shouldn't have made a joke about Jared Pickens' appearance, 100% agreed. You don't make fun by people's appearances. Comedy shows are different. You make fun of all kinds of things. You know, yesterday I made fun of someone's shirt. Whatever, they didn't slap me because they're grown-ups. Now, it was a shitty old joke as well. Not very original. Fine.

same time, you don't get up and slap the presenter and then everyone goes, no, that was a legitimate response. Do you know how many people have got on Twitter right now telling me, if you made fun of my wife, I'd slap you? Really? Your wife isn't capable of handling herself? You'd feel the need to patriarchy and protect your wife's honor. Like, this is the fucking middle ages?

Grow the fuck up. It was like every previous partner I had would have done me instantly if I slapped someone making fun of them. Well, you know, because there's that footage going around on TikTok where somebody For starters, Charles, why are you starting a sentence with a footage going around on TikTok? Because we are too old to be on TikTok. Why? Well, except for Gabby here, who is on TikTok.

I'm sadly chained to the fucking thing. Gabby, I'm the old official. I'm young too. You're on TikTok. You just never respond to anything that we send you. I've been sending you so many TikTok. You can send messages on TikToks? Okay.

So there's the footage going out on TikTok. of the, somebody was filming from behind Jaden, Smith and, or whatever her name is, and Will Smith. And you can see that. I think Jaden's the kid, but yeah, go on. Oh, no, so what's the, Jada. Jada. Jada. Jada. Jada.

Yes. And she, when he, when he goes up to slap Chris Rock, she's laughing. And she's laughing as he walks back. And she obviously thinks that it was a bit. You know how Will Smith was laughing? She thinks that Will Smith is still doing a bit She's laughing I'm pretty sure Chris Rock thought

It was a bit until the moment the hand touched his face Because that's what it looked like He goes up into the fake punch Chris Rock goes Oh you know whatever And then that's the bit But it turns out And they did it They had an interview with the studio director

Like the who was out in the IB van directing He's directed the last few And he said He thought it was a bit And he said that's the that's the brilliance of television is you just have to roll with whatever's going on and then it was like oh uh oh okay you know what's already killing me is the fact that some at the logies they're now going to do a whole bit about this and it's just the most boring thing that's ever going to happen at the

logies we're just saying something oh no if they get andrew o'keef to do it oh it wouldn't be scripted that'd be i don't know okay like that was my rant but i just like it's one of those things where the way people have been talking about this is driving me crazy and then the fact that like we spent so much time focusing on this and now we've spent so much time focusing on this as well is is just a snake eating its own tail gabby's been very quiet and i feel like gabby disagrees with me 100% and is very to judge me on this entirely i don't know i don't i just i mean i've just learned with this issue this issue this thing that happened that i think i just didn't have a take from the very beginning

and I've learnt to shut the fuck up about it because I don't have any kind of take on it. The thing I will say though that I've noticed I think there is some validity to thinking that both are in the wrong and I think we've already said that like I don't mean to get actually sincere on this podcast

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Who am I Joe Rogan? But I think that Chris Rock's joke was a terrible joke not only because it was just a shit joke and it was unoriginal but I do think that I think that, you know, black women have been the butt of a lot of jokes, particularly in the Hollywood press for a very, very long time. And, like, joking about hair is...

It was a punchdown. It was an absolute shit punch down. And I think for that reason, it's like, I'm a white lady in Australia. I have no valid opinion on whether this was a terrible joke. Charles, you're bolding. What do you think about the joke? But it's not about the balding. I think it's more about the fact that she, like,

Like, for so long, black women have been... You know what? I think it's about open marriage. I think it's a terrible idea. And I think all the couples that I know who have open relationships. Oh, they're all with psychopaths. They're always badger-shish-free thing. And it makes you sort of like...

Both partners never have a safe space to sort of just be calming. So they're always just like trying to be competitive. Every polyamorous relationship is one person living their absolute best life and one person on the verge of a nervous breakdown just going along with it because they just haven't figured out how to call it quits yet That is every open marriage, every polyamorous relationship Will Smith, we know, is not having his best life. You can just say it, you can just say it there.

And Jerepigginsmith, more power to her. If this is what fucking makes her happy, then yeah, cool, go for it, definitely. But your husband's clearly fucking losing it. his shit. Yeah. I have one more take on the Will Smith thing. Oh yeah. One more. No, I do. I have one more. Because here's the thing. I actually think my beef is really with the Academy like it should be.

Because they came out and said, we don't condone violence of any form. And then there were talks of asking Will Smith to give back his Oscar, right? And I'm like, oh, okay, you want to ask a man who's committed an act that you disagree with to give back his Oscar? Cool, do it for everyone. Yeah, no. Call up Roman Kralanski.

Call up fucking Harpy Weinstein. He's got like 80. Call up all the other men who've fucked it with people and make them give their Oscars back. No, and that's 100% correct. There should have been many other people who get also returned the Oscar before will. Every Oscar given to crash. But it's like they were serious, like, people were seriously like, this is the most shocking and lowest point of the Oscars.

I'm like, Roman Polanski got a standing ovation. No one's watched the Oscars for like 10 years as well. That's also. That's the punishment they all deserve. You know what else happened to the Oscars this year, though? No, you know what? Who won? Do you know who won?

That's the thing I was the most mad about. This is the funny thing, which is, okay, Coda. What is Coda? I've never heard of it. So it's got, basically, with the cast and crew, we're all deaf, basically. And it was also the first time that a streaming service, Apple, won the best picture at the Oscars. Oh, my God.

Extraordinary sort of thing. There's a great Apple blogger called John Gruber and his comment about it was this is an amazing sort of breakthrough both for diversity and disability as well as for the changing face of Hollywood and he went but I didn't catch the Oscars but I assume that's all anyone's talking about

I think the slap was actually made to distract us all from how terrible Amy Schumer's hosting was personally No, she's terrible disagree. She's horrificly bad. Did you hear what she said after that after that slap? She came out and said,

oh, I was just in the bathroom. Assume nothing happened. That's awesome. Yeah, nah. I, oh, okay, then I just You don't like Amy Schumer. Amy Schumer has a history.

She's a woman, Gabby. No, she's stolen all of her jokes from the get-go of her career. Oh, she's a stealer. Yeah. No, this is like, this is a big controversy. as well. Like, there's people right for her.

I just, there was so much they could have done. There was so much potential. Wait, wait, wait. She steals from people who write for her. No, the people who, okay, so no, the people who write for her have said that it isn't stolen, the jokes are ones that she's doing, which are kind of like, you know, the same premise that, you know, every comedian's got a bit about Dash. So she's doing that as well.

But other people have said the jokes are too similar to Patrice O'Neill jokes and if you are the comedian. So there's been an accurate. that's kind of followed her around for a while now of joke theft yeah and even before she had a writing team was there i mean comedians who like would go up to her at rooms and be like are you aware because normally it's like a complete coincidence like if anyone ever came up to me and went oh my god are you aware that tom cardia also wrote a song about house sitting and it's in this same format i'd be like oh my god thank you so much for telling me fuck i had no idea but apparently

she'd been doing like this bit for ages around the american comedy scene and people would like hear similarities between her and another comedian and be like, oh, are you aware that this sounds like this? And apparently she... Just to give some context to listeners who are not comedians. I actually think we should probably cut all of it. Joke theft, no, but joke theft is probably worse than say what Ben Robert Smith did in. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

The ICC should become involved. If I kicked an Afghan man off a cliff or just copied a joke, a comedian community would hate me more for the copying of the joke. I can guarantee you. See, I don't get all the hate. I feel like comedy's so derivative these days, the only funny jokes are completely copied. I think if someone goes up

and does exactly the same routine as someone else, that's hilarious. Actually, when Louis C.K. said that, that was very funny. Yeah. Is this where you announce your show, unappreciated? I ripped off Zelensky's show. Sarah Kendall used to do a whole bit on Sky Sharks,

and the idea was, you know, imagine if we weren't at the... the top of the food chain and that there was a thing called sky sharks who would occasionally just eat people from the sky like that swoop down and eat you and then another comedian started doing a whole bit on sky sharks and he was going no no no I didn't copy it it's just similar I can tell you we'll take it out of their podcast I don't even know who that is oh he's that sky sharks guy that's that guy was hilarious yeah yeah we can't leave his name he did the comedy festival gala with that didn't he yeah exactly yeah

that's insane so you know like it does happen and it is yeah look also a parallel thinking happens premises and everything happened i mean we've all done a gi jane joke when you've seen some alopecia in the audience oh yeah speak for yourself no you know what here's something else yeah i saw on twitter several women who either are bold could they shave the head for your whatever reasons or um have alopecia have all commented that how many many times they've had G.I.J. or G.I.J. and two references thrown at them. So that's the part where like genuinely Chris Rock went for the easiest possible joke, which is a bit annoying and disappointing. But it's such a weird joke because no one's seen that movie.

Especially when the Dora Malagia are right fucking there. We just had Black Panther. You could have done a Dora Malagia line. It would be awesome. I have, I honestly would not have gotten the joke if I had not seen a poster picture of G.I.J. I wouldn't have. Demi Moore looked amazing in that movie as well I mean he looks amazing and how is that an insult as opposed to the other movies which she looked bad

did Chris Rock know that she had elapitia that's the thing that's debated many people say he didn't some people say that you know Jada Pinkett Smith has been talking about it quite publicly assuming people

pay attention to what she's talking about I have no idea I don't know I have no clue look in the end again going back to the thing how is it controversial to say don't slap a fucking comedian just don't do it

And the funniest part, though, is during the comedy festival, a lot of comedians are like, you know what, if someone tries to slap me, I'm like, dude, I've heard your material. No one's finding you offensive on any level. You are the least non-threatening comedian on earth. I've been attacked. That being said, the only person who's going to slap me at my show is Andrew Bolton. That would be incredible for ticket sales. So, Andrew, if you want to come. Well, this was incredible for Chris Rock. I haven't said his name in like 100 years. And now all I can think of is Chris Rock. In other news, probably the least important news, Russian forces have apparently withdrawn from the Chernobyl nuclear plant. Oh, that's disappointing. So we're not going to hear about it. No, well, I was looking forward to season two of Chernobyl. I was like, fuck yeah, they can extend.

Yes, true. But no, apparently that's not to be. That's a really horrible take. That is a slap with me. There was in the first one as well. Sammy Shah, as ever. on the verge of a cancellation Sammy's show is called

Unappreciated and it's playing in the Melbourne Comedy Festival until the 21st of April 24th or 24th of April Or 24th of April Unless you know something I don't Don't bother buying tickets yet Yeah and it's as of yet unslapped as well

So if you want to be the person to do that Yeah why not fuck it I can help I could do with the publicity right now slap this shit out of me I don't care. And then Gabby's show is called I hope my keyboard doesn't break. Oh,

and you probably can't buy tickets to any rate because it's selling so fast. You can't buy tickets. Her first five shows are almost sold out. Okay, but like there are still tickets available, please. No, no, everyone please stop buying tickets. Just buy the tickets now. No one buy tickets for Gabby

because they're all sold out almost. And there's no point to this point. Forget Gabby. I'm actually scabbit. I'm actually scalping. tickets for Gabby's show so they're 70 bucks each I'm sorry scalping

they're all sold out of any form they're all sold out so come to me I can make a good deal oh you're the purchase of 400 yeah yeah what you think people actually pay for the show I thought somebody was just having a really wild

hens night I know it's all me whoops our gear is from over microphones we're part of the ACAS Creator Network get you next week bye bye