The Chaser Report - ARVO: Nineties Nostalgia with Jake Howie

Episode Date: March 28, 2022

Comedian Jake Howie joins Gabbia and Aleksa for an Arvo Chat. Jake's talks his upcoming show 'Cult Fiction' and what it was like to grow up in Scientology. Jake also dives into what it was like to catch COVID during a tour, and together everyone looks back at the 90's! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report. It is another afternoon edition with Alexa and Gabby. And it is Monday the 28th of March. And we're joined today by esteemed comedian Jake Howie. Hi. Hi, thank you so much. Oh, you're so welcome.

Oh, my God. Have you ever seen that video of Beyonce where somebody... Yes. I already not seen it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are Beyonce. I am. Thank you.

Thank you. So we'll find out all about Jake Howey's adventures after the break. The Chaser Report, less news, less often. Jake, I couldn't help but notice with the rapport you two had over Beyonce. I'm going to assume that you're a Scientologist. Yes. What gave me away was... I mean, they're all in Scientology.

Isn't that the rumor? Like every main celebrity is... I think they all were. It's quite 90s now, though. Isn't it? Oh, yeah. You know? Like, after the Tom Cruise and the Oprah couch, after that moment happened,

I think everyone kind of exited stage left. Yeah, it's the Atkins diet of religions. It really is. What's the next one? Oh, well, I mean, we had the flying spaghetti monster thing for a while. That took off. And now it's probably just... Wellness culture.

Yeah, wellness culture, for sure. Meditation and goop. Dupe. Buddy is my life. Yes. Put this stone in your vagina and you'll be immortal. I've done that, actually. Gwyneth Poccher once said to steam your vagina

and it's supposed to get it out So I tried it with my balls Did it work? No, just dumplings happened I was just like, this is This is upsetting This is not fun Yeah

No, I don't really know what the benefits Of steaming anything would be Just not I mean you steam your voice Yeah, you can steam like Really? Yeah, you can get It's like a bong shaped implement

This is true You can go to the chemist And you can get like this It's essentially, it literally is a bong It's like a bong container and then it has like a mouthpiece top and you just fill it with hot water

and whatever oils you want and you can just sit there and entail it. I wish I had that excuse in high school. My parents found my bog. No, no, it's my throat steams. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My vocal quat steamer, yeah. Anyway, sorry, we're going to talk about you.

If you didn't pick up earlier, you actually did grow up in Scientology, correct? That is correct, yes. That's so nuts. I know, they're probably listening. Hi, hi, hi, Tom. Is that a real name? Tom Cruise.

Oh, Tom Cruise. Oh, Tom Cruise. I thought you were like references That's what you remember. No, I think Tom Cruise might. I know him, yeah. It might be a fake note. You might have popped out of you for a bed.

You know, I grew up in Scientology. So my parents met in the church of Scientology. That's how they got together. It was the 70s. Yeah, it was probably at a sex party. Oh. But yeah, they met in the church. And then they had me and my sisters

and we were raised in the church until I was about 10. Wow. Yeah, and then we left and it took another few years, but we were still kind of involved with it for a while. Oh, my God. What was a lie? What's the... It was just like, it's hard to explain because I think for me

it was my first community. So for me, I remember all the positives. It's like fond, yeah. But then there was, like, I always say to people, Tom Cruise and the Oprah couch, which I think is the key defining moment of Scientology. You get that level of hysteria. Whoa!

That's what they're like all the time. So it was a bit scary as a kid. You're like, is everyone on drugs? That's how it felt. But, you know, it was really, and like, uber positive to the point where it's scary. I'm quite an optimistic person. Yeah.

So maybe it rubbed off on you. It rubbed off on a nice way. But, you know, I'm getting cynical as I get older. Yeah. It'd be quite an interesting thing to, like, way up, though, which is a lot of, like, crime documentaries and sort of cult documentaries and things like that, where you listen to the victims of these cults go on about, yeah, these really awful things happened, but, you know, there were some really beautiful memories as well.

Like, it must be a really interesting thing to walk out of something like Scientology and be like, oh, yeah, but there was some really, what was like the coolest thing? Like, the objectively cool thing about Scientology. I mean, I just remember things like, you know, there used to be, this is in Auckland, there was the main church, they called it the org, which is like, there's this whole, like, whole dictionary that is scientific, like, that's very 1.1. which means, like, you're being rossessy.

Like, there's all these, like, and I didn't realize there was all these words until I left, yeah, but the org was like the church, and it was this high rise in downtown Auckland. And so I spent so many of my weekends as a kid in the city, running around with a bunch of other Scientologists kids, having barbecues on the rooftop. Like, it was just really, really fun.

That's amazing. Yeah. It sounds like, I kind of want to join. It was actually, yeah. I'm actually here to make everyone join. Yeah. This episode sponsored by the church. Oh, Scientology.

Love that for us. I think that's what, like, a lot of religions offer. You know, just like some sense of community, a place. who want to get together. Yeah. Belonging. And my,

I'm going to segue into my show, sorry. Yes, do it. The reason why I wrote this show is because I grew up in Scientology. It's about my life and cults. But it's, I think as I get older, I realized actually almost every kind of group I've been a part of has mirrored

Scientology and it's like weirdness of like, you've got to think just like this or else, you know? So I feel like we've all been in a cult in somewhere. Oh, yeah. It's quite funny that I'm so glad you segued there because I was thinking, how am I going to do it? We actually, we have a question.

So your show is called cult fiction. by the way brilliant name and it's playing Melbourne Comedy Festival 31st of March to the 10th of April correct are you doing any more shows after Melbourne I plan on doing some yeah I really want to go to New Zealand and do some because yeah and I'm going to take it around anywhere that will have me really I've got a few things in the works yeah we're going to do like the cult circuit the cult circuit

they'll hire a comedian I am terrified that people are going to come and get angry at me do they book gigs at the org sounds like a mad venue because it's not really imagine if you played a set at the I'd probably get killed. Oh, yeah, fuck. Oh, that's a bit of a risk, isn't I? Tom Cruise would not be jumping on counts. So which cult are you thinking is going to murder you?

Are we talking Scientology or, like, high school or corporate life? Which ones are the ones that have it out for you? I mean, I was almost murdered in high school, I think, emotionally. I mean, any gay kid, you know, I mean, it was not fun pretending, like, one of the boys, when I really just was not interested in post, let's be honest. And I had to pretend the whole, so many years of just pretending. That was, in a weird way, probably even. than Scientology, because Scientology was kind of fun

because we were believed in the same thing. Yeah, and you didn't have to try and force a belief. Didn't have to force it, whereas in high school it was kind of like, you know, you had to be like, yeah, no, I really like girls. And it was just like a bono for the boys. Yeah, so, you know, and that's... Brutal. Yeah, it was not fun.

Yeah. I think it's changed, right? Is it better for queer kids now? I mean, I would assume so. You'd hope. I got no idea. Fuck. I mean, yeah, it's been a while since, I mean, it's been not that long, but it's been

about six years since I finished high school, so it was all right. literally 20 years since I have. Yeah, I imagine going to high school in the early thousands would have fucking sucked. It was the era of like, you know, everything was all like, Darsen's Creek. And everyone was just like,

we're all just white and straight. Wanted to fuck each other, but not, you know. And how do we do it? Yeah, wanting to fuck each other and not knowing what that means, yeah. I've noticed in your comedy though, because we have shared a few comedy rooms before. My favorite thing about your set is that you always somehow find a way to incorporate like pop music,

like pop culture and pop music. And it's like one of my favorite things to discuss. Thank you. So of the era that you were in high school, who's the best diva? Who's the best pop diva? Oh my God, actually just like my heart just skipped a big because I can't choose. It's like Sophie's Joyce.

You'll see Rage Against the Machine, right? Yeah, that was my jam, yeah. It's hard for me because I really did like, I mean, I'm a Brittany match. Like, I'm definitely a Brittany. Like, I think I was the gym. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You guys are amazing. This is the whole podcast now. We're just going to sing from now. Is that cool? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's great. Hello! No, Brittany would be, hello, hello.

Oh, that's pre-conservatorship, Brittany, though. Now, Brittany's like, oh, my God, I've been super abused for so long, and I'm so glad I'm finally free. Now that you mention that, can we just talk, her next album is going to be. So cool, right? Oh, she's still recording, fuck yeah. Surely, I mean, surely, right?

Yeah, she gets to keep the money this time. Yeah, I know she gets to, probably recall what she wants to record. And with her real voice. What? What's it going to be like? Have you heard her real voice? No, what is it like? Jake.

What, it's not? No, no. No, oh my God, no. Okay, I can't believe I'm the one breaking this information to you. So, when she was on the Mickey Mouse Club, back with X-Dena and Timberlake and Ryan Gosling for some reason, not sure what talent he had. But anyway, she had like a really alto voice, like a really deep, alto, like grungy, kind of on Christina's level, like, voice. And the moment she was like, I'm not a girl, like all of that, she had, like, she had, like, like this baby voice because in the late 90s, early thousands,

it sold really well because for some reason we were obsessed with children. And she kept that going because her conservatorship made her. And then there's all these videos now. You can look at them like conspiracy videos of if you slow down a lot of Britney's recent insteposts of her singing and stuff, that's actually her real voice. Like she sings like candidly or whatever, and then they'll speed it up to her actual recorded voice.

But now she actually has a lower voice, like a way lower voice, her natural voice. Can I just say I love a Britney conspiracy theory? I'm so into this. The voice thing's always so interesting. Like I've recently watched that Elizabeth Holmes documentary with Amanda Seferred. And it's all like, you know, she talked like this and then she learned to talk like this.

And you're just like, what the fuck? It's so weird. And yeah, and then you can find videos now since her conservatorship ended of her, like, singing, like, lower. So I personally can't wait for the blues album to come out. You might have had a similar conspiracy, though. Have you ever had to do straight voice? I have.

Wait, no, wait, that wasn't that, sorry. I'm like, sorry, cut, that wasn't it. I have. I have, is that weird? No, go on, what was your straight voice? Okay, I feel like an idiot, like, and see. You gotta, you gotta do the scene. So, give me something to say.

Okay, I'm, all right, okay, I can do straight voice too. I mean, I'm straight. Well, to be debated, but anyway, okay, straight guy to party. I love, I love vaginas. Yeah, like. Oh, yeah, like. Oh, yeah, would you fuck her, like? Oh, I'd love to smash that, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But then I just automatically go to Kim Kardashian. I just go, oh, yeah, yeah.

Get off your ass and work. Get off your ass and work. What was that? That was the best acting I've ever seen is what that was. Don't you love it when rich people tell poor people what to do to get to make money? People just don't know how to work these days. That's what she says to the sweatshops that make all of her clothes. Kim Kay, get a clue, babe.

I love you, but get a close. Actually, if we're going to talk about this for a hot minute, my favorite part of that video is actually nothing to do with what Kim says, it's when Courtney just goes, that is so true. What? Courtney is someone who, out of the three of them, has probably worked the least, like. But it's still so much. It's because she works.

That's so true. Well, you know, Brittany did, you know, you want a tub buddy? You want to booze, daddy. You better work, bitch. This is so fun. This is Brittany is the best. So to answer your question, Brittany would be my favorite. Yeah.

But I was also really into TLC. Oh, stop. Unprety, no. Yeah, that's unpretty. You can buy your hair if I won't grow. I love that. That's fun. That's the best.

Lonely mother gazing out of her window. Oh, my God. The 90s was the best. And you know what? I'm going to put it out there. Actually, I do finish the show with a song. Oh my God, yes. And it's like, I worked with a Purdue Sarah

that makes me sound like, you know, but it's this guy. He's so good. He lives in Newcastle and he was just like, I was like, make me the cheesiest, early 2000s kind of poppy buzz, yeah. I'm living. And so I actually, I do, I do a Brittany. Oh, I'm living, Jake.

That's going to be so good. I know. It's very, just doing it feels, just, it feels right. It's cathartic, right? It is really catholic. It's a lot of fun. I mean, I would, if I had it my way, everyone would be a musical comedian. But like, it's so much fun in comedy, particularly to take, like, a genre that is so

home to you and be able to just do all of the most icon. tonic things about it in like the space of three minutes. It's also very, I think because of my high school years were kind of when I really, you know, didn't feel like I could truly kind of like the things I liked because it was all feminine

things I liked. It was all the day we were like, boys like rage against the machine. And you know, girls like Britney and I was always secretly listening to Britney in my room and pretending. I was like rocking in the parties. Oh my God, those aesthetics. Yeah.

It's just like, or like evanescence kind of. Wake me, yeah. It was just like. Hey, there was a girl in that. It was a girl, She was like, you know, the kind of girl that was one of the buys, you know. Yeah.

Sorry, if Brittany's got, Evanescence has just those wails, like, oh, no you see. So you were saying. This is a musical podcast and I'm looking for it. Is this? Are you, do you want to join in singing? Actually, Alexa is a very talented musician as well.

Yeah, go on. Cause yours. Yeah, who did you listen to? I feel like you're, Corona. I'll listen to. Oh, no, that's good. Green Day was, Green Day went across the board, I think. Yeah, they were edgy.

They were edgy, but also relatable. They were really sticking it to Bush. Yeah, relatable. Like, I got it. Wasn't it, give it up for the dookie so you can take the dokey? Stick it up your ass, stick it up your ass. So good.

So thought for working. Oh, my God. They came to my high school. What? Do you remember? Because do you remember in the 90s? They were a big day out. They killed that girl, right?

Well, the girl died in the, in the mosh pit. No, no, no. It's like, way to bring it. it down. Didn't somebody die? We're like, oh. I'm so sorry. They actually came to my high school because those were the days.

What the fuck? I remember, like, Christina went to high school in Auckland and then the All Saints played at like the local mall and Limp Biscuit, we won a like a competition. And they came to our high school to speak. That's how they used to like, remember they used to do more tillers and stuff. I mean, this is probably, you guys are younger than me, but this is like the late 90s, early 2000s. I know about the mortal. Yeah, and All Saints came and the Maudhors.

The Mortals. What is that? The Mortars where we're talking about your train. Is the surname? Mold tourists. Mold tours, yeah. Oh, fuck. The All Saints came and they sang a few questions that I need to know.

And even though they were British, which is, but I remember one of them looked at me and I was like, I think she likes me. And I was like 14. She, but, you know, a bit. God, they've really sapped malls of all the fun. They used have tours. I remember when I was a kid, they used to have, like, they used to bring an anacondas. Yeah, or you're snakes and shit. That's terrifying.

These have those machines where you could weigh yourself. I mean, that's pretty problematic. Less, less fun. Oh, and you'd get the little printout. Yeah, that's not a little BMI. You're overweight. But you're tall. If you're seven foot, you're fine.

You're like, oh, Jesus. And they had to get rid of them because they were so completely inaccurate. And the people kept thinking they were absolutely overweight. Who got the money, do you reckon? I don't know. Like, who was it, what was sponsoring that? I don't know. The dollar coins.

Jetty Craig in the mall White watches They're like This is gonna get some clientele This is very I love there's a very 90s theme to this Which is really

Yeah We've delved into it naturally Which is nice I mean I was born in the 90s So it's Don't gloat Yeah sorry I was born in 85

When were you born? 92 Oh 90s babies 96 Oh my god So you were born After Friends started That's my barometer

However However I feel like I've earned the Friends Fandom a little bit Because I That was like The first sitcom I ever watched all the way through and the way I watched it because I grew up a little bit less well off

my mom and I would go like blockbuster civic video and you'd go and you'd kind of see it there the DVD the whole season but the problem was they never had it in like chronological order so the first season of friends I ever saw was like season three and I just kind of pieced it like I had no idea what the context looks a very cerebral storyline it's pretty it's a big effort to be able to piece it together and so the way that I watched it was like season three season seven season two season five And then I was like, hmm. It's almost like choose your own adventure. Yeah, what's going to happen?

Yeah, and then with my first paycheck, the first thing I bought was season one, because I hadn't seen it yet. What's your favorite season then? Season, probably season three is my favorite. That is probably peak friends, I think, season three. That was when it was kind of,

they were in their characters, but it was still not quite kind of that glit. The latest seasons feel a bit glossy. Yeah. It's because they were making fucking shit loads of money. They're still making so much money. You lose so much touch with what it's like to live in a share.

house if you're making one million dollars an episode i was like are they still making stuff they had like some kind of reunion they did have a reunion they got paid like they're kind of like the spice girls i feel like any of the 90s kind of super groups because that was the i feel like the 90s was the last time you had those kind of you know if you were a member of a cast in the cast of friends or sex in the city or a spice girl or if you were any one of those kind of super groups or like in sync or whatever you were like you could do anything in the world you wanted whereas now there's no like is there anything that's like across the board i think they tried to do it one direction was the last thing that came remotely close.

I think Little Mix are probably the only real girl group that I can think of right now. But no one comes close to that. And they're not international. And they're not, they're not phenomenal. I love Little Mix, but they're not kind of like, you know. They're not phenomena. Yeah, like I couldn't name, I don't know, like, you know,

like back in the day, you know the surname's their hometown. Yeah. Brittany's from Brentwood, Louisiana, FYI. You know, like you know that, you know. Whereas now I'm like, oh, I'm like, I guess the cast of euphoria. Yeah, maybe. Like, I think it's definitely delved into more like, it's definitely more like acting ensembles now.

Like the cast of things get stand ridiculous. Like Stranger Things was also huge for a while there. And now it's definitely less about musicians. But it's weird because I feel like there was an error in the 90s where it was like that blending of the worlds where they figured out that artists could become products. So I think the first time everyone figured that out and you could stick them on fucking musli boxes and things.

It's like, what the fuck? They're everywhere. God, I remember buying Spice Girls Chuppa Chaps. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. I had the Spice Girls PS1 game. Yes, absolutely.

What do you do in it? Nothing. It's brilliant. You like make them dance and it's always to the same one Spice Girls song. I'm pretty sure it's all I had the memory for which was the la la la la la la la la la la la

where you're feeling Yeah We will take you Where you want to go Something crazy isn't it? That's terrifying That's so good Fuck Spice Girls are sick

But they really were Like that product placement was insane right Like and do you remember there was that What was it called You could get I can't remember the name of it now It was like Sony and it was like a dance game and it was they did the first one just dance or even before it was like the very first one

and it was like you literally could learn the lyrics um the dance moves to like um stop right now oh my god oh like yeah they had like spice worlds and like the movie wells yeah wells sorry oh okay well that sounds like a dance move but is it a TikTok thing yeah we should start that we'll go off yeah we'll be so young and fresh they'll love it None of the medical advice contained in the Chaser Report should legally be considered medical advice. The Chaser Report. So, Jake, you were, you were, if I'm correct,

I'm trying to try and word this, because I'm sure it's still quite rough, but you were supposed to do Adelaide, correct? You were supposed to do a season of battle? What happened? So I went to Adelaide and what I thought I'd do is I thought, I'm going to go to Brasso Valley first because I'd never been, which was a very beautiful experience.

But on my second day, I was like, I feel weird. And it was a very kind of like, I was like, oh, like I've got my throat's bit dry. But like, you know, as a comedian, you often like, you know, you guys will know, you often have a dry throat from screaming into bad sound systems. So I was like, oh, maybe it's just that. And then when my nose started running, I thought, I'm going to do a little test. A little testy, testy.

And I had COVID and it was just before my Adelaide run. So I had to isolate in South Australia. Horrible experience. Yeah, which, I mean, it was horrible because I couldn't see it. I couldn't see how beautiful I'm sure it is. And then I had to, and I was all by myself in a little, like, motel room. Oh, my God. I know.

I screamed cried into my pillow every night. Yeah, it was awful. And then I, like, called my mom like, ugh. And she was like, there's biggest shit happening in the world, Jake. Yeah, because was it, was it like a little time capsule. Because, like, if you, because I imagine, because I had to cancel the last of the first very three shows I did last year in Sydney, because I just I just canceled it because the cases were blowing up. And there was really no rules. And I was gutted.

Like, having to cancel a show for any comedian is just the worst feeling. Yeah, I keep on framing it to people Just because I don't want people to think I'm like a psychopath In my own little world It was devastating Like obviously in the greater scheme of things It's not the end of the world I'm going to Melbourne

I'm it's all good But it was just very like you know You work so hard I wrote the show in lockdown And it's you know And it's you're so excited to show people What you've come up with And it was it was very upsetting

But at the same time I had a week of just watching 30 Rock every day And So when you were when you were coming out of that Like fifth day of watching 30 Rock what was checking the news like? I imagine you must have been like, oh shit.

The funny thing is, every time I check the news, even if it's just been a few hours, I'm like, oh, something else has happened? Like, what is going on? You know, it was really distressing. And then I just was like, you know, I'd rather live in Tina Fey world than the actual world. Like, Ukraine.

Did you have any boxes of wine from Barossa Valley with you there in the... I did not. And do you know what I did? But do you know what I did, which I don't usually do? Because you know, like, when you go to, there's like, the mini fridge, right?

And then what the little mini bottles of, it's always shit wine. It's always like crap wine, you know. Yeah, like, I drank it anyway. Because you're not supposed to drink when you've got COVID. Yeah, but I had to, one night I was like, I have to have a glass. I was feeling better. Yeah. And I had it and it tasted like vinegar.

You could have dressed a salad with it. Oh my God. It was like $17 or something. So did your taste get affected? No, thank God. That was honestly, I was like, as long as I can taste food. I don't care. But, you know, I always think if you've got a healthy appetite.

Yeah, you're fine. Yeah. Because yeah, fuck, that's always been, I haven't had it yet, and I'm fucking touching wood all the time. I can't imagine. It's us touching wood. Yeah, yeah, it's us touching words. But I, that was always what I thought, too, was like, I think I would hate losing my taste and smell more than any virus.

Like, just, I'm like, cool, I'll have a virus for two-ish weeks, but, like, if I couldn't eat, I'd just be, I think I'd use that opportunity to be like, I guess I'm going to become fucking hot. Yeah. I'm going to get sveled. Yeah. I feel like I did get more spelt because I was cooking for myself

almost every day, like a little kitchen, you know. And I feel like when you cook for yourself, it ends up being a bit healthier. Yeah, definitely. Is it diluted? Yeah, no, I agree. Because you're kind of like, there are real things going in here. If you put cream in yourself, it's less fatty. Yeah, this sticker butter was sourced from the local farmer.

Local IG. Local supermarket. Oh, fresh produce. Oh, well, that sucks, though. So with Melbourne, though, like, are you feeling pretty good, though? Because you've got... Yeah, I mean, I'm feeling... I'm feeling so ready.

I really want people to come and see it because I feel like I missed out on those little, you know, you know, I'm doing a couple of previews this weekend just to kind of, you know, last week. Oh, last one. Oh, fuck. Sorry, last weekend. I just did it, yeah, last night.

And it went really well. And I killed. But yeah, but I'm really, just really excited to get there and to have people come and to kind of be able to do it because it's sad not being able to. Yeah. And it's also kind of, it's a little bit thrilling, too,

because you're like, oh, well, I'm really fucking flying off the seat of the pants. Now I've never tested it. Oh, totally, totally. Yeah, and it does feel like I've only ever done, I mean, I've done it a couple of times when it was like a work in progress, but this is the first time I've done all the bits together. Because, you know, usually go out and do 10 or 15 minute bits. Yeah, yeah, yeah, chunks, yeah.

How excited. And of course, I'll debut the song. Oh, yes. Am I, I, I'm not famous enough to say debut, but fucking. Yes, you are. Yes, you are, yeah. The song's going to premiere. Streaming services.

I'm going to drop the track. Yeah. For the love of God, don't tell TikTok because every comment will be like, release it now. That's the most annoying thing about doing. Like, when you're writing songs and you, like, through the pandemic,

I tested all my songs on TikTok to be like, this is the only place I can test them. And the amount of people who, if they liked a song, at first you're like, oh, great, they like it. And then you just get this influx of people going. So when are you putting this on Spotify?

When are you putting it on Spotify? And I'm like, I'm literally performing this in front of my iPhone in my pajamas. What kind of money do you think I have? Like, I have to go to record. recording studio and then pave a distribution and then... Give me time. Tell me who knows my crime.

Yeah, nice. That's not the lyric. You enjoying this musical experience? I love it. It takes a lot of pressure off me. I don't have to sing anything. Is this the most musical episode you've ever heard? Definitely.

Probably is, yeah. We've had literal musical comedians on this show a little less musical in their interviews. I mean, what is it? I mean, what is it about? I just feel like I can't hold it back. I feel like, you know. That's not a musical comedian.

That's just a musical. person. The pop just takes over. It really does. And me and my best friend, Grace, we've been friends for so long. And her mom was an old club, she was a club singer in Indonesia. Beautiful. And you know, you met her dad, they moved to New Zealand. Her dad's a Kiwi. And so her mom

had this professional karaoke machine in her lounge. And so of course, like, you know, we were both like two weirdo kind of musical theater kids. So we would just spend Saturday nights doing karaoke in her lounge room. You know, like, the karaoke back in the 90s with like the weird scenes of people like falling in love in the city center and you'd be like,

But it was just something like, you know, boom, bum, bum, boom. And it was them like falling in love. You're like, what? I want you in my room. Yeah. It's like, what the hell? But that's, that's, so her and I have this game where we'd be like, in any situation will be like, the song for this situation is.

And it would be like, you know, I can't think the situation is. Yeah. You know, like, this is my moment. If one of us is walking to a party thinking we're all that. And the other one will be like, what? You do. I do miss the blatant imagination before phones just ruined my brain. Because we had a karaoke machine.

too but it was one of those ones that like you had to stick like the canister into it it was like a floppy disk almost like a tiny floppy disk and you had to stick it into the back and then the front had like a little sort of Nokia kind of screen which just gave you the lyrics and it was like the worst backing track you could imagine in your life like it was recorded clearly for like royalty free it was horrible but the first song I ever learned on that machine was nickel back this is how you remind me it's not like you I feel like that would be a song. I was in there.

I was ready. You guys said it's much better. Better than I could. What would be, can I ask you as a question? Just is it, do you like karaoke? Oh,

yeah, love it. Okay, so what is your karaoke safe song? I do. If you're at a bar, like let's me sit the scene. You're at a karaoke bar.

Saturday night. Locke and give it a soundscape. It's 930. People are drunk enough to be like loose, but not too drunk to not really appreciate a good vocal. Oh, yes.

The perfect amount. The perfect amount. Yeah. And it comes on, they call you up for a song. What is the song you're singing? My one's going to be Young Hearts Run Free. It's such a fucking good song

And people appreciate it. Let's see the demo. What's the sense of sharing This one and only life. I don't even know the words It's wrong as the only wife. You count out the years They will be spilled with tears

Young hearts Run free. That is a jam. And then you can also do the little little like running man on the stage. Oh, of course, of course. I can see the crowd going wild on my head. I typically go way more aggressive because I'm, I mean, it's,

also I don't do karaoke very often because every single person you do karaoke with, they're like, well, it sucks during karaoke with you. You were a musician for eight years. And I'm like, no, but I like to be stupid. That's the, like the goal. If you could just reel in your jealousy, I would really appreciate it. I don't even give a fuck about the prize. That's what you need to say.

Yeah, I'm so sick of hearing it. But my song that I love doing and I have to be drunk to do it is, I want you to know. You got that from the first syllable. Do you know what I just happened? We looked into each other's eyes and I went, I can feel you go. It's either that one or sometimes it'll just be like ABBA

because it doesn't have to, I don't even care what the song is. And you hear the drums, Fernando. And it's really funny because karaoke nights are almost their own set list. And if you pick the wrong one, you don't want to be the cut in the room that brought the vibe down.

Yeah, you fuck it up. Like, oh, like, Celine, like you can sometimes get away with like, there were nights when no one was so cold. That's the way, when you want it the more. Yeah, but no one wants to hear some fucking, like, a ballad, yeah. When you touch me like this.

It's like, no, or people trying to do Whitney. Like, I'm like, no one can sing, I will always love you. And it's just, leave it there. It's just like, you know, someone going, and you're just like, It almost becomes like a wave of like, are they going to do it? Because the first person is all right.

Anyone can do the, because that's like, you know. Good stay. But I feel like there's a threshold where like if it's bad enough, it's entertaining karaoke. It's just, you would have that be very good or very bad. That is very true. Well, yeah, what's yours?

What's yours? Jake? I actually have, I have a roster of different. Stop it. You have a set. Does it depend on the day? Depends on the day. Depends on the crowd.

But one of my, so my, if I want to get the party started, it would be, um, She's into superstition Black hats and voodoo dolls Yeah and that's when I get To make a tick You know That's a great career

If I'm feeling like If I'm feeling like I want to do one for me It's one for the crowd One for me You guys might not get it It's a bit niche But this one's for me I need to do it from me

It's rehab Amy Winehouse Oh I love that song I love Amy I love Amy But the first one I ever did Was at this bar Called Barre of the Stars It was in Barre the Stars and I feel like it just saw the writing on the wall

when I was here. I'm here, I'm going to do this. And it was, it was, um, it was, um, ba, babe, babe, baby. Yeah. That was my first one. Oh my God. We need to do karaoke. What I'm hearing is we need to do karaoke.

I think we are doing karaoke right now. We should, we should make that official at some point when COVID's less terrifying. I know, no, we should book in a place. Sharing a mic's not fun. No. Fuck. Oh my God. Karaoke.

I think I've been robbed of karaoke. I haven't done karaoke in so long. It really is one of the victims of, What are the social victims? Yeah, the health care system's bad, but Jesus, we've lost karaoke. And it is really, it just is such a, it's such a, music is joyful. And I think it's like, you know, doing a show that has music in it for me is also important because we really need joy.

And this show, can I just say as well, this show, I don't mention COVID. I don't mention anything here. Because I just feel like we all know what's going on and this is more like a personal story that's about fun music, 90s, Dawson's Creek, like it's ridiculous. I forgot all about COVID in the half hour we've been talking. It's amazing. Yeah, no, you do have this beautiful, joyful effect on people. I kind of want you to just be here for ages.

Just stay. Be careful what you wish for. We're like, can you leave? We'll be doing a hard-hitting investigative episode and in the back I'll just be hearing, bye-bye, like in the corner. So cool! They'll be like, this is actually serious.

And there's something, something, something, something, something, something right outside the window. To be fair, he's the only one who actually remembered the appropriate date for this episode. My father most qualified person to worky. I'll hand the job over, for sure. I'm good with dates, that's true. Thank you so much, Jake.

And if you missed that before, Jake's new show is cult fiction and it's premiering at Melbourne Comedy Festival, the 31st of March to the 10th of April. Where is it going to be? It's at the Greek centre, and the room is called the Aphrodite Room. Oh my God, it's stunning.

It's rather apt when you're supposed. Mamma Mia, Aphrodite. There's going to be a few probably impromptory of Aphrodite songs. Every single time you go in there, you should just like Meryl Streep it. Like if I'm thinking about Lady Gaga's era of art pop, which was kind of an Ephrodite theme. Of course. So maybe I'd just be like, I live on the applause. Yeah, do the whole show in a sheet. I might. Yeah. A witch sheet. I mean, if you're worried about getting COVID again, that's probably what you'd have to do. Or like, yeah, put yourself in a big bowl. That's very Lady Gaga. That's true, but I'm immune to COVID now.

Oh, yeah. Oh my God. You're fine. This is like the only guaranteed Melbourne. show all the other comics can still get it you can book the show and know what's going to happen yes that is nice it's good confidence a good selling point yeah oh great well i can't wait i might turn up in a bubble though more than welcome turn up on whatever you want beautiful our gear is from road microphones and we're a part of the a cast creator network and i've got to go Alexa yeah oh yeah yeah i've got to go join jake's boy band um it's going to be a great time anyway bye bye bye bye bye bye