The Chaser Report - ARVO: Sami Shah (K)Attacks

Episode Date: February 18, 2022

Sami Shah joins Charles, Aleksa, and Gabbi for a casual Arvo Chat. Sami brings up the recent horrific shark attack in Sydney, and why he thinks that the entire story is messed up. Are sharks being given a fair treatment by the media? Find out with Sami and the team! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to the Friday afternoon edition of The Chaser Report for 18th of February. Woo. Yay. Can we just get a little bit more enthusiasm? I'm Charles Perth. This is Gabby Bold and Alex Hervolve. Yes.

Yes. We did it. Friday. Woo! Yeah, fucking Friday. Weekends tomorrow. Fuck yeah. Yeah.

And as always, we are joined by Sammy Shard. How are you going, Sammy? Hello, how are you doing? I'm going to take this microphone out of the stand and hold it as if I'm on stage. Oh my God, that's a type 5. I don't know why I gave this description of what I'm doing to an audio medium, but that's how professional I am. So what have you been up to, Sammy, this week?

I was going fine. Everything was going fine until I saw the shark attack thing. And I want to talk about this. But I also want to be very, very cognizant to the fact that someone has died. And I am not in any way making light to that situation. I am not in any way disrespecting the person who has died. No. But I have very strong feelings about shark attacks that go beyond just the fact that they happen.

Four or against shark attacks. Well, okay, now right there is such a loaded question because. What? it's a yes or no question all right fine you want to play this game Charles let's play this game here's what I think

I think and again I mean no disrespect to the person who's died that was a tragedy and my heart goes out to their family but stop going in the fucking water stop going in the ocean stop going in the water it is not your place

it is not where you belong and if a shark attacks you in the water that is something that it was avoidable this is the Melbourne This is the Melbourne angle on... I was going to say something completely different. I was going to say it's the Mike Baird angle when King Hits would be becoming an epidemic

and it was like, don't go out anymore. So wait a minute. So Sammy, Sammy, Sammy, you've got to realize. I don't know, have you ever been to Sydney? Here's the thing. I live in WA for four years. I know. And I've met Australians.

In my 10 years here, I have, you know, every now and then encountered an Australian. You all love the water. Every Australian thinks that the ocean is there right and then to go into it is something that God gave them and every time a fucking shark eats them the whole country goes like oh my god a shark it attacked us as if that wasn't going to happen you're breaking and entering into someone's house if they come at you with a fucking shotgun that's on you yeah shock self-defense it is every shark attack to self-defense

why were you there if I go into space and then I die because there's no air in space I don't then judge the air for killing me or the vacuum for killing me, I blame myself for opening my helmet. There is a thing that we need to be aware of, which is there are sharks in the ocean and stop going in the ocean and the sharks will eat you. I have a zero percent chance of being eaten by a shark because I don't go in the ocean. You know who has more than zero percent chance of being eaten by a shark? Everyone who goes in the fucking ocean. It's fair. But it's kind of worth it though. Is it? It's water and dirt. That's all sand is.

You can go in your bathtub and empty your shoes and all the mucking your shoes out in the bottom. It's the same fucking experience. But you don't get the adrenaline in the bathtub. The only adrenaline you're getting is if you imagine a shark coming at you when you're in the water. You've clearly never had a bath where you try and make the current overflow the edge of the bath. Oh, yeah.

That is intense shit right there with you. I haven't been in the fucking ocean since I was like probably 16, like deep in the ocean because I got caught in a rip when I was 16 and I thought I was going to die and I very much just accepted it. I was like, I guess this makes sense. And then, no, but here's my discrepancy. You know how, like, when you think you're going to die,

you're going to get saved by, like, a really hot lifeguard? Like, you're like, this is actually all right. Surely someone's going to scoop me up. That's why I go to think. I was saved by, like, just the creepiest dude on a boogie board. It's just like nothing kills the dream of the ocean. You're expecting the white steed and you get the donkey, you know? It's like, ah.

It wasn't the PTSD from drowning. It was a PTSD from the fuck we. Yeah, it's just not what you want, is it, when you're drowning? In what way was he creepy? Just like the moment he saved me was like, now where do you live? And I was like, oh, no. Wait, that might be, isn't that a medical question? No, no, no, because the thing is you look for all the medical things, don't you?

You look for like lifeguard attire, red and yellow and none of it. Oh, he wasn't a lifeguard? No, no, just a deuce. He was just a ducing. He was just a naked with an arrangement. I don't know what the fire. The lifeguards were doing, but they were like, fuck it. We lost another one.

Like, I don't know. But anyway. He was hanging out at the rib to pick up cheese. Yeah. Yeah. And boy, did he, because I was going to die. Sammy, I want to know, like, did you have any traumatic near brownings or in your, in your youth? What did you used to do when you went to the beach when you were young?

I didn't go to the beach. My friends would go to the beach. I'd watch them go to the beach. I'd wave to them from my drive. way, which is made of concrete, and then when they'd come back alive, I'd thank God for their continued existence. Like, here's the, I don't need to be eaten by a lion to know that going into the savannah with raw meat strapped to myself is a bad idea. Similarly, I don't need to go into the ocean and be bitten by a shark to know that maybe going to the ocean is a bad

idea. And listen, it's not just sharks. Gabby just said, it's rips, it's sharks, it's jellyfish, it's stingrays. Blue bottles. The stingray, we've never forgiven for killing Australia's icon I feel like Sammy this is not a good way to live your life like you've got to live a little I'm living it I'm on board with Sammy's idea

it's just that his risk analysis is all wrong the reason I go in the ocean is to get away from the red belly black snakes and the part of the spider neutral ground yeah like the ocean is where I'm safe from those things right right well fair enough look and of course here there is that aspect but also

yeah hang on yeah because you're far more likely to be run over semi so i feel like here's i that argument charles has is a fallacy and i have always rejected it because here's the thing i need to cross the road i need to go in a car that is a i cannot actually not i can't i have to leave my house i'm not a crazy person i'm a i'm a sane rational person who's there are there's a level of interaction i need to do with the world and so i do it why do you wear seatbelts why do you drive at a certain speed so protect myself in charge Right. Exactly. But you know what?

There's been a whole conversation currently happening about whether or not we as taxpayers should foot the bill for people who get COVID and aren't vaccinated. Should we pay for people who aren't vaccinated? You know what? I don't think that is a question where you should be asking. I think every Australian who falls sick, whether they get vaccinated or not,

should have equal access to medical care. That's what I firmly believe. What I don't want is my taxpayer money being wasted on lifeguards. Fuck that shit. If you go in the ocean, that is entirely on you. That is your choice to throw yourself into a volcano. Why do I have to pay money for someone to dive into the volcano?

You don't. They're volunteer organizations. You don't pay money. That's crazy. They're volunteering to do this. Yeah. They are sexual perverts. They're clearly unhinged.

There must be some reason. I fucking wish they were sexual perverts. I mean, maybe one of the hot ones would have saved me. But instead, I got the crash. Head on the boogie board. I'm all four lifeguards. I don't trust hot people anywhere, right? Because let's be honest, Ted Bundy was hot and he was a serial killer.

So that kind of ruined all hot people for me. Yeah. The Chaser Report, news you know you can't trust. The point being that why are you going in the... What is this joy you get from the ocean? What does the ocean provide you that you so desperately need? Water is slapping you in the face? Yeah.

I can slap you in the face with a wet glove. How is that fun? But it's also just the joy of, when I go to the beach, like we just spend hours just at the very edge of the break where, you know, you then rise up and you feel like you're flying because you can't touch the ground. Have you tried religion, Charles? I feel like you'd like it.

I know. Have you tried jumping? Yeah. It's also the same thing. Charles. Just jump in your spot. It's exactly the same experience. And also, you're white.

You get burnt every time you go to the beach. There's no reason how this is a good experience for you. You get sand in your butt crack. You get burned to a crisp and possibly get skin cancer. And then a shark eats you. And if the shark misses you, the rip will carry you out. No one is safe. It is an equal opportunity killer.

Harold Holt died in the ocean. Everyone dies in the ocean when they go in the ocean eventually. I mean, that's statistically questionable. The one thing I love about beaches is that it's the only place that it's acceptable to have a nudist version of it and I find if you get rid of beaches where did the nudist go? You don't have like a nudist library

or a... No, but we should. I'm all for nudist libraries. I read best when I'm naked. Well, nudist cars for, you know... I don't know how to tell you this, Charles. You can just get in your car making. You can just do that.

No, I'm just saying... Like, you can... I give you... permission you're allowed to do it's your car that's your property i feel like that's i want to do that i'm quite sure some truckers are naked in the trucks like the trucker convoy must have had some people naked driving up to canber it has to be like a public thing like not a private oh i see right it has to be like you know i don't know this parliament parliament well it probably is yeah it's the prayer room yeah oh dear what uh you're right where would all the without the beaches there's no nudist options

Even that aspect of the beach, by the way Like everyone's panicked about I got to get a beach body I got to look good for the beach Is where we blatantly body shame people Where people are made to feel bad for the way they look Where people do feel bad about the way they look You go there

And everyone is either parading the fact That they have a great body Or hiding the fact that they don't have a good body It is and by the sharks don't care You're all just as fucking delicious We are all the meat pies to the shark That is all we are. We don't know that though.

I don't know. Has a nudist ever been eaten by a shark? Like it could be, the shark could not like the look of a flailing penis. Oh yeah, the whole time it's been the fact that they're wearing a fucking Walu boarding tour and not the fact that they look like gigantic turtles in the ocean.

You know, okay, Charles, I'll tell you this. You know who else likes going in the ocean? Tony Abbott. Are you like your Tony Abbott, Charles? Are you saying that you share philosophies and beliefs with Tony Abbott? Look, you know, I don't want to... Don't quote me on this, but your attitude, Sammy, makes me feel... Don't quote me on this.

You're on a fucking podcast. It's replayable. It makes me feel more and more inclined to support Tony Abbott. Your ridiculous position on beaches is just... It's pushing me to the far right. Here's the... You know what? How am I...

You know what we do in Australia? When a person dies is killed by a shark, not dies. They didn't have a heart attack. A shark bit a tear. chunk of them out and then they bled to death or were eaten entirely by the shark. We then hunt the shark and kill the shark.

Why? Are we sending a message to the other sharks? What is, what exactly is the purpose of this philosophy? Like, why are we, we basically went into someone's home. So you think that just, then they killed us. What? You think that people should be eaten without any

consequence. Why are you putting consequences on a shark that was doing what nature intended it to do? You're the one of choice. Oh, right. So wait a minute. So that means that everything should have no consequences. Nature should not have consequences. They're not making a rational choice.

They're not going, that guy looks like a fuckwit. I'm going to bite him. That person looks all right. I'm going to leave them alone. Well, maybe. They're incredibly intelligent, shocks. They do eat a lot of white people. I am saying maybe they're reverse racism.

When a mosquito bites you, do you kill it? If I don't kill it, I don't go hunting for it. I don't put dye in the water. I'm looking for that mosquito. The current traveled in and things like. I kill it because it hurt me. The shark is killed someone. It's gone.

That's the same with somebody who got eaten by a shark. They lost the battle. It was a one to one fight. They lost the battle. When you go to an MMA battle, after the one person wins and the other person loses, you don't hunt down the person who wins and beat the shit out of them.

You accept that one walked away or swam away in this case. There's a whole system we have in place which is completely irrational entirely full of shit and purely down to Australians making bad life choices which when I question I am found to be the crazy person

So what you're suggesting here is I guess more progressive legal system around shark punishment So maybe like community service And some vocational skills training I'm saying don't go in the water If you're breaking and entering into someone's home They have a right to defend themselves

End of store They don't ever write to eat you Of course they do Do I have that right? No and that is that is the thing Here's the thing. Again, I am not disrespecting the family, and I apologize profusely if it sounds like I am because I genuinely have nothing but sympathy for the family, for the victim. It is a horrible thing that happened. All I'm saying is there's a lesson we can learn from this every time it happens.

We keep saying, you know, people love throwing out that statistic. You're more likely to be crushed by a vending machine than you are by a shark attack. I researched that, actually. It turns out, yes, you are more likely to be crushed by a vending machine than a eaten by a shark attack. if you live in a place where there are more vending machines and no sharks. We, however, live in a place where there are lots of sharks in the ocean. We live in a shark-heavy ocean area, and therefore in Australia and South Africa and in Florida and in other parts of the world where there are lots of sharks in the ocean

where sharks are known to breed and feed, you're more likely to be eaten by a shark than be crushed by a vending machine. But, Sammy, it's sort of worth it, isn't it? Like, 60 years of no shark attacks. 59. One person... That's not no shark knacks in Australia. That's no shark tax in this place.

It's actually fatalities too. Oh really? Right. Yeah. Also, it's not all of Australia. No, no, no. We have a kid died in WA like a few weeks ago. And then someone else died in Queensland. Like sharks eat people all the time.

Oh, I'm on Sammy's side now. What the hell? And in North Queensland it's not sharks. It's crocodiles. And yeah. And only one person in all of North Queensland is interested in cares about that issue. And all of you worried about gay marriage,

getting in the way of the real problem. This is why it's important to sort of search down the shark and provide a license so that they learn. To who? Sharks don't. They don't care. They don't talk to each other. Because otherwise.

It's not like the other sharks like, did you hear what happened to John? They're swimming around each other with their little sonar beings like, holy fuck, I've got the tea, someone's dead. I think you're underestimating sharks. I think you're overestimating humans. Well, Sammy, I just think that you're missing out on... I really like going to the beach. You were.

I really like being... You know what? I really like doing Black Tar Heroin, but I'm not going to be doing it because it's illegal and it'll probably kill me. It's a statement that I should make if I like Bathtar Heroin, which I don't. I've never had Black Tar Heroin.

Just want to make that. Just the regular heroin. Normal heroin, yeah. But that's the kind of thing you say. It's literally that. really like stabbing myself in the groin because that's the kind of person i am so why can't i do it why are you stopping me from doing it yeah well so you you're going to the beach this weekend yeah of course it's fucking great yeah our gear is from road microphones we're part of the

a cast creator network uh catch you next week