The Chaser Report - Australia Will Win The World Cup

Episode Date: June 14, 2026

With the FIFA World Cup underway, and in the wake of Australia's commanding win against Türkiye, The Chaser Report is officially going full bandwagon! Dom, an actual fan, brings in-depth analysis from his lifelong knowledge and love of the sport. Meanwhile, Charles also loves soccer. ---Listen AD FREE: https://thechaserreport.supercast.com/ Follow us on Instagram: @chaserwarSpam Dom's socials: @dom_knightSend Charles voicemails: @charlesfirthEmail us: [e-mail] CEO’s Super-yacht upgrade Fund: https://chaser.com.au/support/ Send complaints to: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Very happy Dom and Charles, sitting on the Sofra at Charles's place, basking in the glory of the Sokaroos' 2-0 victory over Turkey. We're getting on the World Cup bandwagon in a really big way. Well, look, Dom, you know, I've always been. a soccer fan. Huge, as listeners of the podcast would know,

you can't stop me talking about soccer. It's just soccer, soccer, soccer, because it's during the World Cup, so I have to pretend that I'm always about soccer. Real fans, call it football, just so you know. Oh, sorry, whatever it is, yeah. Yeah, we'll just take some ads and try and learn how to say that word. Okay.

So, yeah, look, 27 minutes in, Nestory, Irincunda, from Watford. Refugee. Born in a refugee camp, absolutely. So let's be clear, if one nation were in power, Australia would not have won the Soccer World Cup. Do you think, and it'll be interesting to see Paul Enhan's position on this. Yes. Do they make exceptions for people who can score incredible goals in a World Cup?

No, they don't. Well, they probably do because they're so racist that they're just incoherent. But don't you think the whole point is that in their idea we would be, all white and not win the World Cup? Well, to be fair, Conor Metcalfe, who's scored the second goal, another absolutely cracking. Very white. Both much whiter.

So I guess you could say with him there, we just would have won one nil. Still would have had the same number of points. Still would have been sitting incredibly pretty. No, but we only need to draw. One nation is sabotaging our chances. We only need to draw against the USA. And nothing will give me more pleasure than us if we beat the USA. I think if we beat the USA anything less than 10 nil.

Saturday morning, I will be disappointed. 5 a.m. Sydney time. Is it 5 a.m.? That's 5 a.m. Sydney time the next game. Why are they doing that? Because America, America's manipulating it. But you're going to be with their TV audiences. I'm not sure why.

But that's when it is. Saturday morning 5 a.m. Yeah, well, I'll be waking up at 5 a.m. When is it Sunday? Saturday morning 5 a.m. Yeah, yeah. I will be absolutely with bells on watching that game. But, look, if we play like that, I think we can win the World Cup.

You've heard it here. We're just going to call it. Yeah, I think we're going to call it. This is the home of the big calls this podcast. But also, it's the whole point about the World Cup is you don't need to have followed soccer at all for the last five years. Yep. You just go, it's now the World Cup.

I'm now a lifelong fan of the World Cup. Of whatever. It's the Australian way. It's the Australian way is to pay no attention whatsoever until the World Cup begins and then go all in. Yeah. I'm totally, it was a very good game. There was lots of kicks.

I'm sitting here in a Socoroo's jersey, which I bought the time I went to watch the Socoroos at the World Cup in Germany. Oh, lovely. One of the greatest moments in Australian sporting history. I was going to say, you're dressed very garishly. I am. It's quite, it's not really my colour, is it? No, but sort of, is that gold?

Yeah, it's green and gold. It's sort of orange. It's not gold. You've just had a wine. No, it is. It's bright yellow. I stopped trafficking this thing. Is that yellow?

It's not yellow. It's orange. It's gold. Anyway, the point being, this is an amazing moment for Australia geopolitical. I feel like green and gold is a terrible choice just for fashion. As a colour. Yeah, like I love green and gold as a concept for like Australia. The waddle.

You don't like the waddle. But I kind of feel like it's not your most flattering colour. No, it's not my colour at all. Also, if you got green and gold, wouldn't you go green? with like gold highlights maybe? Yes. Why is it all gold and then highlights are green? Do you know the real reason?

I reckon the other colours were taken. That's right. That's what I think. Also. Yeah, well, fucking red, white and blue gets taken by all the fucking All the other powers. The English just wear white as if they weren't white enough already without putting on the English jersey.

Why don't we come up with a better national colour? Do you know what? What about something like purple and yellow? purple and yellow like the LA Lakers. That's a good colour. Because they're, you know, opposite colours. The Sydney Kings and the, who copied the LA Lakers, they're very good colours. I agree.

I actually think it looks really good. What about orange and blue like the Knicks? I can't think of a country that's got orange and blue like the New York Knicks who've just also won today. It's been a very good day for sport. Orange and blue? Yeah. The New York Knickerbockers, NBA champions.

Orange and blue. Yeah. Could be. Yeah? What do you reckon the colours should be? What about grey and another shade of grey? You know, just to be trendy? You know what it should be?

Brown. It should be black. We should get Melbourneans to black and slightly off black. Oh yeah. Black and charcoal. No, New Zealand have taken. No, in soccer they're the all whites. Oh, really?

They are. Yeah, yeah. Well, but that's our, that's our soccer team. Not anymore. No, no. No, no. No, the Nestaree are in Kunda. You've got some refugees on there.

So what's Paul Nansen? So what's Paul Nansen? So there's two refugees on the Socceroos. Yes. What is Paul Inhance's policy position on having refugees in the team? Like presumably she hates the fact that refugees is successful, right? So does that mean that she wants the Socceros to be less successful? Because I think this is the sort of accountability that we need to apply rigorously over the next two years

as Pauline Hansen makes away to the election. But didn't you see, what was that one nation representative recently who turned out was? gay and has a partner who was a refugee or something? And also he's a Muslim. Yeah, that's right. The guy in South Australia. Let me just fact check that. Take a sec look at them.

No, no, that's totally true. But it's funny because I think also he did, like people were thinking, oh, maybe he's some sort of joke candidate. But I think he was also genuinely supportive of one nation. So just to be clear, yeah. So Jason Virgo, he's an MP in the South Australian Parliament, I think. He's seat of Macillop. His boyfriend is a Muslim immigrant.

Yes, that's right. But also he is Muslim. Virgo? He converted to Islam. Did he? Okay, well, there you go. So it is a bit difficult, isn't it? I mean, the One Nation also...

But I think that's part of One Nation's shtick is... We'll take anyone, as long as they're prepared to be racist about anyone that they don't love. So you have a separate policy for members of if you have... But that's what racism is. Racism is not going, I'm going to consistently adhere to some sort of rational... set of values. Racism is an irrational value. And by its nature, you're allowed to be irrational about how you apply racism.

So if we as a nation, as I'm sure given our love of success, as of tomorrow, Australia will collectively love Nestory, Irren Kondi. In fact, right now, the name, there are a lot of babies being called Nestery. We know that Paul and Hanson will wrap him in an Australian flag and say, oh my God, this is exactly what we want from our national heroes. We know that because it doesn't have. have to be rational. I'm in favour of the Australians being swamped by Nestery, Irunda,

to use her famous turn of phrase. You can't get enough. Amazing strikers who happen to be refugees from Burundi. We want more blacks in our Socoros. Nestori, if you can clone him, we can clone it. We have 11 nestries. We want more ethnic minorities in our Socarus. And you're just allowed to do that because it's irrational.

This was always going to be such sensitive coverage of this issue having watched the soccer in a pub just now. I love it. I love it. So the point is Charles, we need to be the official podcast of the Socoroos World Cup campaign. I think others, SBS have got a few podcasts out but their commitment to soccer is not as deep as ours.

Our stretches back to at least an hour. Well, it was about an hour and a half. It took a long time. I think in your case, after the first goal was when you were fully committed to this. project. That is true. I wasn't really watching until we started winning.

In fact, I texted you and said, yeah, you texted me. Because I said, I would go down to the pub if you want to come and watch. And you said, on your way down, I'm just coming. Does anything happen? And I thought you'd completely missed it. And it was a joke because you were aware that a goal would have been scored. Well, everyone in the pub that I was in had gone, oh, hey, like that. But the fact that there was genuine doubt about whether you were aware that a goal had been scored,

It just goes to show you a little of the commitment. But I like this. You're doing it this Australian way. No, no. This is the exact right way to do it. Banwagon FC. Just bandwagon. And if they'd lost...

And also, can I be quite clear? The moment the World Cup ends, I am never watching a soccer match ever again. I completely understand that after this, no interest until 2030. Unless perhaps the Matilda's World Cup, which is next year. Oh, yeah, no, definitely Matilda. Well, Matilda, as we were talking about in the pub,

We were at the final. We were at the Matilda's final, both of us. The men's soccer is one thing, but the women's soccer is, you know, the main game. Yeah, to be clear. It's lovely that the men sort of take part. The soccer roos are the sort of keep the fandom going while we're waiting for the next Matilda's campaign.

But also not the ratings that you get with Matilda. No, no, it wouldn't be as. We're in the pub and it was literally. Same pub was three times. more full for the Matilda's. Yes, exactly for a Matilda's game. Absolutely. So I think we all agree that, you know, men's sport has a long way to go.

But, you know, good on them. I like that they're trying. Yeah. No, I think it's important that they turn up to the World Cup. I'm glad that they're part of it. I think it's really good. I think maybe, you know, the government should support them even. Because we believe in inequality.

Yeah. And that means that there's room for men's support as well. But it's fine. But, you know, at the same time, you have. you have to recognise that the appeal is with women's sport. And if Nestriya and Kunda plays his cards right, right, from here, he could one day be mentioned in the same sentence as Sam Khr. You wouldn't use the word better.

But you'd say, I mean, a sentence like, do the soccer is have a Sam Kirt? No, but that Nestriy or in Kunda guy isn't too bad. That's a line. We're not going to say that today. Yeah. We don't say that today, but maybe with a few more, performances like that.

No, exactly. If he really... He could be compared unfavourably to Sam Kurt. If he sort of puts in the effort... Mary Fowler and the rest. Yeah, okay. I mean, I think you're sort of going a little bit too far there, Dom. But, you know, I can see where you go.

You're like, and that's good. Like, I support your view of equality. The Chaser Report. News a few days after it happens. If our prediction is correct, then Australia goes on to win the FIFA World Cup. Which they will. Which they will. Because you heard it here at first.

What does that do, to rugby league and rugby union and AFL. Well, I think they did. You really think so? You think that that's, the A league will actually stop having financial problems as it has, the A-Leaks? What's the A-Leaks? You don't know what the A-League's? You don't know what the A-League is

the domestic football competition here in Australia. It's, uh... For what sport? It's the soccer. Oh, the soccer? Competition that, like Sydney FC and the other Melbourne victory and the other teams play. And they exist, do they? It's a thing. Yeah, some of the players in the soccer is who you just

watched actually play. And so why would that solve their problem? Well, the hope has always been that if the soccer is did well enough, Australians would want to watch football year round. No, but you've got to realise this is a men's sport. It's not going to be any funding. Oh, you think it wouldn't be funding. No.

Yeah, yeah. Maybe if it was women's soccer, there would be funding. But I don't think there is a... There would ever be... There's a women's a league as well. Oh, really? Oh, well, okay, that's injured. Maybe we should find that, yeah, definitely.

So you and I should go to the, we should start, we should get on board and start actually attending the women's A league games. Maybe the men's if they're a double header. Yeah, okay. Well, they could go in at, you know, like 120 or something, and they'd play a game. And as you're turning up, they're playing. Yeah, like it's a bit of just an open.

Yeah, warmer, warm up. And they'd get a buzz out of being a part of the same contest as the women. And then you see the women's game. Being allowed to play on the same pitch as the women use. They'd be pretty. And maybe some of them could hang around to be kind of like ball boys and just, you know, if the ball goes over the line, one of the soccer is gets it and gives it back. Yeah, that would.

Well, that, you know, it gives them exposure. It would. It would boost their reputation. So, look, it's a big World Cup, Charles. There's a lot to you said about the geopolitics of all this. Oh, what's the geopolitics? Well, I mean, this game, Turkey versus Australia, it was Gallipoli 2.0. Guess who won this time, Turkey?

not you sorry are you saying Australia lost the last Gallipoli campaign it's not the way the national myth works we may have lost on the field of battle but when it comes to pluck and integrity and giving it a good red hot Aussie go

it's also a problem because we've taken oh that's not that's bad at that thought no no so what are you saying about where we go no no so what are the geopolitics Because Iran is playing Again Iran is playing the US

Let's put a pin in the geopolitics Because I think this is enough for Why not? Because we've I want to hear about the geopolitics Well, several things The first point is We've done enough for the episode

The second point is There's actually a lot to say here So because FIFA's role Globally speaking is Genuinely It's really getting quite super villainy And I think we need to look at it in more detail And the third point is

This feels like a sport. I need to do more research. But I'll just point out several points. Okay, so what's the Superville? Just tell me the Supervillian. The most recent World Cups, before this one, Qatar. Qatar, known democracy and a holder of freedom. Which famously, you know, had no appropriate stadiums, built them all with the use of...

With air conditioning? In some cases, yeah, with the use of really quite troublesome migrant labour. Well, no, no, troublesome, only because... they kept dying on the job. Well, like, I can't believe it's not slavery type labour. No, no, definitely. Slavery. I mean, FIFA's technique of choosing.

But Trump's the USA, I feel like in the same... Well, this is kind of what I'm getting to. Well, I think that... Rogue states. Yeah. Fever is only getting into better. We can't get a World Cup. Men's not up.

But I kind of feel like that's just the norm for FIFA. Like, isn't FIFA a vastly corrupt sort of almost... The nearest organisation. The extent to which FIFA's corruption has blossomed in this series in this World Cup is greater than ever before. I mean, you might have noticed during the course of the game, there were these bizarre hydration breaks. Did you see this? They didn't have them in Qatar, which is 50 degree heat. But wasn't that so that they could have ads?

Yes. Yes. And the one thing that has never been allowed in live soccer. Obviously for years, the World Cup's been the biggest TV. event forever. Like, it's always been the thing that was the most valuable TV product. And they've never had ads actually during the course of the game. It was the one thing that was Sacrosanct.

Until now. I feel like you're just not getting with a time storm. So you're complaining about ad breaks. That feels like very 1950s. Yeah. It's going to get to the point where, and you don't have tried to bring in like pre. At the Champions League final they had, this is UAF and not FIFA, it's a different body. but they had a like a Super Bowl style half-time entertainment.

But they're doing that in the final. In FIFA as well. Yeah, I'm sure they will. And it'll get, we'll get to the point where there are five ad breaks per half of soccer now. And the soccer will be like watching cricket. The soccer will be a very brief interlude from the ad breaks coming up. Cricket, to be fair, cricket is well structured for ads.

It's a game that lends self to. Oh, you know what we need on the Australian cricket team at the moment? Because they're over in Bangladesh and I've been watching all the shows. And they keep losing to Bangladesh, which is great. I'm glad that Bangladesh are doing well as a cricketing nation. Yeah. But you know what we need on the Australian cricket team? Refugees.

Far more refugees. Nestorri, Irinconda, may have some cousins. We need some fucking refugees. With incredible skills. Ideally from Bangladesh. Actually, yes, we should probably just... Because they're fucking awesome compared to us. All right.

So there you go. Touré and Erin Kunda, both refugees, both in the front line, both victors today for the soccer ruse. And, you know, frankly, wouldn't have happened under Pauline Hanson's Australia. Well, either that or she'll offer them both safe Senate seats. I don't know how it's going to go. Their vetting's not the most thorough. I love it.

We're part of the Eichon, Nicholas Nowberg. Catch you tomorrow.