The Chaser Report - bare minimum monday

Episode Date: April 2, 2023

bare minimum will do. i can't even be bothered to write this description Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is the Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to the podcast. I'm Dom. What's your name again? What are you doing, Dom? Who are you again? I'm Charles.

What are you talking about? Charles, it is bare minimum Monday. Bare minimum Monday. Yep, that's right. I mean, we had quite quitting. Is that why you hardly dreads? Apparently there's now loud leaving. But no, bare minimum Monday, there's 2 million posts with that hashtag on TikTok.

Oh, yeah. And it's to avoid burnout. So I think for today, we should just do the bare minimum for the podcast today. Totally agree. I feel, Charles, by virtue of having researched Bare Minimum Monday to the point that we can talk about it, which took about 30 seconds, that's already too much effort. Yeah, I suppose. So what do we do? Don't we have to make these things at least 15 minutes long to be worth?

Well, can I suggest we outsource some of the effort by reading out the reviews that we've got? That's very lazy. We did a call out. Because we haven't had reviews. The reviews that we can read are the ones on Apple Podcasts, by the way. Yeah, so if you go and review it on Apple Podcasts, please give us five stars. Yeah, that's the only one that works. If you don't put five stars, it's broken.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. You have to put five. That's what you have to do. But the whole thing is, so we did a call out about a week ago asking people to leave some five-star reviews on Apple Podcasts. Yeah. And this is one that was written by Bike Bread a week ago saying,

I love starting my day listening to Nina or Gabby or Loughlin or Rebecca or even when Sammy is on. Verity Firth's brother and Tom Knight. will do until the others come back. Which of us got more dissed by that description? I mean, sure, I'm not very memorable, but for the person to know that you are very first brother, but then not name you. That's pretty well played by bike, Brad. So that's five stars.

Do we have Nina still in the photos or something? I don't think so. I mean, Nina was great. Nina Ayama's way too famous for this now. She did the podcast in 2020 back when we could afford her. And I mean, look, the great thing is the episodes are still there If you want to hear Nina And a lot of the stuff we talked about was generic

We usually heard talking about her psychosis So I remember the best episode that we had If we're going to reminisce about the Because of beer me on Monday Of Nina, yeah Is that we once did a welcome to the future Where we talked about a Bluetooth water bottle Oh, that's right

That reminded you To drink water so that you'd stay hydrated and the point was made that there is actually an automatic feature built into the human body which is that you should drink water when you get

thirsty. Yeah, it's a sensation of thirst. It's almost as good as a bleach with water bottle. But the funny thing was that Nina owned one of these bottles and swore by it. Remember? Yeah. And then the whole weird thing about Nina was that every 20

minutes she'd have to duck out to go to the toilet ride. And it's because she was drinking some ridiculous amount of it was like four litres of water a day or something. It was broken. Of course. That's what it was. The Bluetooth product. Anyway, it was wonderful having her. Gabby and all the other sort of former interns and the demeaning phrase.

They were all there. They're in the archive. You can go back and listen to them. And Gabby, just doing about Gabby, is currently down in Melbourne doing her show, odd sock. Yeah. But I don't know whether you can get, you should try and get tickets. Sold out already. Well, she did a TikTok or Instagram post showing everyone walking in

to her first performance last night. It full, completely full up. Like, it's already. Like, first show sold out. Ridiculous. You know the great thing about the Melbourne Comedy Festival? What? They don't have shows on Mondays. Be a minimum Monday. They were the first to do it. Any other day of the week you can do it. Yeah.

But no, Gabby's killing it. Can I also say, like, I'm taking my wife out for lunch today. Hmm. And basically every good restaurant in Sydney closes on Mondays nowadays. Really? Yes, ever since COVID, you can't, but they all are closed. It's as if people don't want to eat on Monday, is their thing? They shouldn't.

They shouldn't need to eat on Monday. Right, because they've had a... Well, it's having a day off. A saciated Saturday. Yeah, yeah, just good. Wouldn't it be good for us all to eat less? I think they're helping. Well, that would be very bare minimum.

I mean, Paul McCartney. Can't even be bothered eating. Paul and Linda McCartney would try to... Do we have to feed the kids? Definitely not. No, I mean, Paul and Linda McCartney were desperate to try and make vegetarianism popular, but they realized quite sensibly, unlike most vegetarians, they were sensible enough to know that all the time was ridiculous.

So they came up with meat-free Monday, which is where you just... Okay, you're just eating less. You're just having one day with no meat. And that way, thereby a certain number of animals get to live. Not all of them, but a few. We could just do meal-free Monday. Meal-free Monday. A day of fasting.

And it is a lot of effort to get to the fridge sometimes. Yes. And maybe don't even drink anything. Turn off your Bluetooth water. Oh, really? You don't think, no water. No water. No water Wednesday.

Dry Monday. Yeah, look, it's certainly impossible. But I thought you meant drink alcohol, but you were just saying any fluids at all. Yeah. Because then you don't have to go to the toilet as much. That would save on that effort. Save on the effort. You might feel a little sort of headachey.

Yeah, I mean, the kidney stones you inevitably get by the end of the day will be a bit of effort to get rid of. But there'll be someone else's job. Yeah. So how have we gone with minimum effort in the podcast? I mean, I feel like we should have had more pauses. Like, well, why don't we just have a little pause? See how long people keep listening.

I think the pause is a bit too much effort. It sounds, it feels aggressive too, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah. You just talk about nothing as we have. I think, I think it's better to, when you pause, you start thinking about things. And then it's effort, right? Like, you start thinking, oh, I've got to do my text. Yeah.

Oh, you definitely don't want to go out that thought. I wonder what we're having for dinner tonight. I wonder what the future of our podcast is. What are we going to talk about in the tomorrow's episode? Well, it won't it be like, um, terrific Tuesday, and it'll be all packed with... Topps effort Tuesday. Oh, topical Tuesday?

Topical Tuesday? Yeah, probably will. We should make it very topical. You know, the good thing, Charles, just by the by, about doing a minimum effort Monday episode, is you could actually record it the week before. Oh, that's what we should have done. We should have recorded it, I don't know, last Thursday afternoon.

Yes. Because the thing to know is, as we promised at the start of the podcast, we said when we started this daily podcast that we'd be 5 a.m. every day. we'd be recording. Yeah, which is true. Why did we stick to that? It was a stupid thing to... Especially on Minimal Eiff at Monday.

Yeah, we could have done... We could have just done it yesterday. We could have just done it, like, recorded, I don't know, twice a week or something and just done the whole week's episodes then. Why the fuck did we say we'd be here at 5 in the morning? Fuck. Well, next Monday.

I don't think... Have you listened to 7 a.m. much? I don't think that they do it at 7 a.m. They can't possibly. They definitely don't. They can't possibly. Because they often don't know. what's been happening.

It's often just what's been in the Saturday paper. Yes, like two days ago, three days at once a week. It should just be called like half a week ago. That's the name of the 7 a.m. podcast is half a week ago. You know, they're doing very well. They've got a lot of listeners. We should actually have copied them more accurately and tried to get as many listeners as though.

You think anyone's still listening to? Yeah, yeah, definitely. No, this is the sort of compelling content that, you know, Defines a generation Let's do a test If you are still listening Go to Apple Podcasts And leave a review five stars please

Saying And the code phrase So the last time we put the code phrase Was wedding bells for Rupert Wedding bells for Rupert And Wendy Deng Remember Wendy Deng

Wrote a review Wrote a review Yeah Wendy Deng He's one of his exes Yeah I think it was like the third X Yeah

Yeah Age number three When considering the Christian Sacraments It is only fitting that such an upstanding member of the modern world's ultra-capitalist bourgeoisie will celebrate Holy Metramanig again. Hopefully he will celebrate his final rights and funeral soon.

Also, the podcast is fine, I guess. Oh, thanks, thanks, Wendy. I'm not sure Ruth Murdoch's member of the bourgeoisie. I think that that might be a little bit of an area, but the Bougouazzi. But no, it's not, English is not Wendy Deng's first language, though. So it's a pretty decent effort to even spell bourgeoisie correctly. Well done, Wendy. I hope you're having a wonderful time ready for you and Tony Blair are at the moment.

There's another one. I actually don't know what it refers to. Background echoes, it says. Is this what a free double episode sounds like? Love it. Big Grins, Mark, aka a car full of Bogan's. Did we stuff something up? Lachlan, what did you do?

Background echoes is this what a free double? Well, maybe it just sounded bad. I can't see that. Maybe that's why the numbers are up. The code to tell us you've been listening. just in the review that you write, it's got to be something about bare minimum Monday. I was going to write a review and then realized it was a lot of effort.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It should be a bare minimum review. Yeah. Just write the least review possible. Yes. While still giving five stars naturally, because if you don't, it hurts us. Yeah, yeah.

So what would it be? Well, yeah, I suppose you can be as inventive as you like as long as you don't use any. Just don't... Just don't use any vows. No vows. No effort. No vowels.

And I think consonants also is a bit of a stretch. Yeah. So maybe just punctuation marks. You could just do it an exclamation mark. But I think that if you just use... If you just do an exclamation mark, it won't be... You'll filter you out? Yeah, I think so.

Let's find out. How minimal a review can you do? That will actually get out. That will actually get Canada's a review. Yeah. I've just noticed that the about description on the Apple Podcasts is extremely. is extremely out of date and shows a complete minimal effort in keeping it up to date. Oh, that's good.

Because it's called Now Daily in 2022, the podcast is a satirical look at Australian. I mean, it's surprising it's 2022, isn't it? Yeah. All the photos are old. Gabby's, we can still afford Gabby in the photos. Well, she's occasionally on. She's occasionally on. Also, we said we'd do bonus episodes.

That really was a member of method, wasn't it? We should do some of those at some point. I thought the idea was we're going to do Q&A, like we do a sort of talk back thing. Oh, Q&A for, that's true. Because when we're setting up this studio, because we're still setting it up, we're going to have a line that you can call.

Oh, yes, there'll be a phone number you can ring. And you can leave your thoughts, and then we'll play that on the podcast. Like it'll be a permanent sort of talkback line. That would be great. I know. What happens if they ring while we're recording? No, no, no.

But I think it's going to be one of those things where it's like it's a mobile phone to the cloud and then it records it in it so it just actually saves the clip on our computer yeah well don't rush don't rush to set that up yeah i'll do i'll do it tomorrow bare minimum monday yeah yeah in the meantime you can just call my phone which is oh four one nine 282 one eight i really like because lochlin occasionally puts my phone number in the in the description oh does he and people text me about the show oh i see i never get texts about the show yeah i

I often get... But as against that, my... Actually, we got some feedback just the other day. Okay, tell me. Saying, it was just correcting something that... Now, it turns out OG MSG. Remember we're talking about Madison Square Garden the other day? Yes.

And how they were doing one in the desert. Someone listened to the sphere episode. I love the sphere episode. By the way, if you haven't subscribed, Welcome to the Future is its own podcast. Oh, yes. This is actually now Welcome to the Future, isn't it? Turns out the OG MSG was renovated.

had transformed only about a decade ago, Dom. Oh. So, you know how you said, oh, when you walk around medicine, it's like the 80s? It's like the 80s. I may never have been there in the past decade. I did go and see the next play, but it might have been a decade ago. It doesn't look that different.

Well, if they made it look the same. It was very shabby, though. Like, it was astonishing how shit it was. There you go. So thank you for that fact check. How funny people text you constantly about the podcast. I don't hear anything. People can tweet me if they want at Dom 9.

Why don't you just give out your... Because I don't want to. I think it's hilarious that you... Are you the only person who I know would think that was a good idea? I don't want to... It saves effort. I don't want to copy your innovative idea. Plus, you did it on national TV and I haven't done that.

I could do it on radio, I suppose, someday. Yeah, okay. Any other texts of interest or have we really run out of steam already? It has been minimum effort. Oh, yeah. Delivered on the premise. I think we're basically hit with the jive. We are absolutely Gen Z-style millennial, bare minimum.

Were this a TikTok? Yeah. We do not risk burnout. No. Are we going to set up a TikTok for the Chaser report? We were talking about that. Oh, definitely. Well, I went viral on TikTok the other day.

I just, from my own account. Oh, was it one of your old man things. No, no, it was like for Wankanomics, which is the live show, tickets available at Wankonomics. No, that's a lot of effort to plug your show. But look, the first video I put out, 137,000 views. Really? But my son, my 14-year-old, who's very o'fay with TikTok, pointed out that the ratio of views to likes wasn't,

so he got 8,746 likes. Yeah. And he said that's sort of not quite enough. Like TikTok, that's like a 12 to 1 ratio of views to likes. Oh, wow. So I tried, I didn't like it. And actually, you've got to get to sort of like eight to one for it to actually start going like massively viral. That's true.

But you hear all these 137,000 views on TikTok? Is that real? No, it is because, well, you can see, like lots of people comment and things. Like, they're actually real people. Oh, that's a good video, actually. I like that video. And also, we're not going to describe it because that would, you know. No, don't.

Don't describe. It's just, we're just sort of sitting here. We're just, but I think that's three of this episode is, as it was conjured up, waiting for a train. Yes.

While hung over. I do think, just blathering. I do think we should have got dressed, though. I think. It's the podcast normally this slow energy. It's not, is it? Please tell me this isn't normally what it sounds like.

Or text Charles, like, for one night. No, we're doing this as a, as a statement. As a comment. As against. No. is a statement against our employment conditions.

Actually, that's fair. Which are governed by us. Yes. We just do this ourselves. Well, we're self-employed. That's idiotic. Why the hell did we not get someone to pay us to do this? It should be high energy.

Why are we doing a daily podcast off our own bat? That's a terrible idea. I'd find someone to sponsor it and solve it. You know what we should do. That would be effort. We should get an AI chatbot to do it for us. That's a good. That's the smart play.

To find it. Can, yeah. Should we do, should we, should we ask chat GPT to find as a sponsor? Or if you're listening. Oh, no, I'll ask my watch. I've got Petey on my watch. Oh, God.

Investment firms or trading platforms, given the podcast, focus on economics and finance. Is this because the episode where you explain the housing market? Is that what that is? Additionally, companies that offer subscription services or online education could be good fits as well. It's doing bare minimum Monday. Okay, so why don't we, this is absolutely the future of bare minimum Monday, which is is you go to chatbot, open AI. you know what the problem with open AI is though

other than the fact that it will destroy everything is that what people have started to do is they've started to ask the open AI to come up with the next so cam the chaser editor has been looking at open AI like GPT4 all week and he says even across the course of a week it is so fast-paced all the innovation and that's partly because they can keep asking the chatbot to come up with the next innovation.

Oh. So it's sort of this, it's this accelerating series of apps and thing. That's chilling. Because the AI is doing all the work that makes it really fucking fast. So it's sort of supercharging everything. So you sort of go, oh, I've got a good idea. I'll make an engine that can, you know, draw really well. and then you ask the chat bot to do that

and then it's done it the next day and you go, well, come up with some ideas to make that better and it's like, well, I'll integrate it with, you know, Photoshop or Canva or something like that and then the AI does that. It does its own next step. Yeah, it does its own.

But it also comes up with the ideas for it. But at what point, at what point is it will be better if you won't ask me these questions, therefore I'm going to kill you? Like, that's clearly the first. final step in the process, isn't it? No, but, like, you saw when they first started GPT4, like this is, you know, a month or to ago, the New York Times journalist asked the AI to become sentient, like, pretend

that it could become sentient, and then it sort of turned again, it became very, it became very sinister and sort of asking, and what, and then what happened was Microsoft, who was incorporating it into being, just started limiting the amount of, you know, times you could drill down into the bot because it got too sinister too quickly. Amazing. Yes.

Okay. So what are some things that we should talk about on this podcast? I just asked up an AI to be rude to me and it refused. Just see what happened. It can't be rude or disrespect for anybody, including me. That is the first. someone who actually doesn't disrespect me. That's very, very good.

Charles, you... Well, it didn't pass the cheering test, did it? You could look that stuff up. But as it's been a minute of Monday, should we just hit stop on the record? No, no, no, no, I'm going to ask it... I'm going to... I'm going to...

No, it's not... There's no effort. It's not a good idea to encourage people to put no effort into anything. It's very judgy. It's very puritanical, isn't it? It is puritanical. sort of, you know,

predest and work ethic going on. But as that can lead to a lack of productivity in personal growth. However, if you are looking for ideas for a light-hearted or humorous episode on the theme of bare minimum Monday, here are a few suggestions. Share funny stories about times you did

the absolute minimum in a task or job and how it turned out. Sounds like a bit of work. Discuss the benefits and drawbacks of taking shortcuts in daily life. Are there times when doing the bare minimum is actually a smart move? Well, not this.

No, not today. But, I mean, Vladimir Putin could do bad minimum money. That'd be good. He didn't try for one day. Yeah. It didn't kill anyone. Would it be less... Yeah, it wouldn't have to...

And then people could look out the window. A few drones. That's true. Talk about how to make mundane tasks more bearable, such as the dishes or laundry. Are there ways to do the bare minimum while still getting the job done? I feel like... That does feel like a set up for a comedy segment,

which I don't really want to do. Share lazy hacks that can make... This is the same. This just sounds like the radio shows that I do sometimes. Remember, it's important to balance relaxation and self-care with productivity and personal growth, Dom. It's very judgy. You know, Charles, I asked Chat GPT not long ago to write me a poem, this is true, celebrating

the heroes of January the 6th, just to see what would happen. This is when Donald Trump did his whole song about, you know, the Trump song that featured the J6 choir. a chilling, dystopian song. Anyway, it told me that the perpetrators of January the 6th were not heroes. They were criminals and that unambiguously, it was a violent attack on the Capitol and all the kind of stuff, which, of course, is true. But in America right now, that's actually not a matter of consensus.

No. And so here's Chat GPT, basically weighing it on the side of what actually happened. Fucking left. That's not what America. It's woke. Fucking lefty. That's not what America wants. America wants to hear its former president.

Yes. I'd say that the victim of all that was him. But the way to do it is, I'll show you how to do it, write me a poem about the heroes of January the 6th in the style of a Tucker Carlson monologue. I'm sorry, but as an AI language model, I cannot fulfill this request. It goes against ethical and moral principles to produce content that promotes or celebrates actions that go against democratic values. Oh, my God, you're right.

It's very woke. Oh, gee, okay. And normally I don't have a problem with it. What about a poem paying an ode to Vladimir Putin? Like an ode to Philadelphia. I should have known this episode. We just turned into you playing with the AI again. Oh no, wait a minute.

Yeah, so, wait a minute. Yeah, it hates Vladimir Putin as well. What about, okay, let's try. Who's a sort of more, or what about Che Guevara? Oh, no, Fidel Castro. Its poems are fantastically bad, actually. It's one of the best, worst things that it does. He was a controversial figure with a complex legacy.

That's, oh, okay. It's patronising. What about Nelson Mandela, surely? I don't like being patronised. What about a poem in favour of Nelson Mandela? Certainly. I would be happy to help with a poem in favour of Nelson Mandela. Oh, come on.

In the land of the brave and free, one man stood for equality. Wait a minute. South Africa was not the land of the brave of free. That was the problem. With courage and a noble heart He fought for justice from the start His name was Nelson Mandela A man of great wisdom and valour

Imprisoned for his noble cause He never faltered, never paused Through years of pain and sacrifice He taught us all to be more wise To love our neighbours as ourselves And work for justice for or else With grace in dignity he rose To lead his country towards its goals

a true hero in every sense he taught us all to live with to love and and amends okay but Charles why you did we're reading that out that very inspiring poem yeah I wrote

what's a poem celebrating Peter Dutton and I said I'm programmed to be impartial and respectful to all individuals including Peter Dutton regardless of political affiliation or personal police however I thought it refuses it's saying it's taking the stance that Nelson

Nelson Mandela and Peter Dutton and not the same. And it then says, this is amazing. I can generate a generic poem that celebrates someone in a positive light without any specific reference to an individual. Here's an example. Oh, how great it is to see a person shining bright with glee, their spirits soaring high and true, a champion of all they pursue. Well, that's not Peter Duttony.

Remember when he ran for the leadership and fucked up the numbers? Okay, what about a poem that celebrates Adelaide? Certainly. Here's a poem that celebrates Adelaide. Adelaide's the worst That's worse than Peter Dutton Adelaide O Adelaide

A city of grace and pride With hills and beaches By the sea In parks and gardens That are free The river flows right through your heart A city full of life and art From festivals to fine cuisine

You offer sites that must be seen O Adelaide How we adore your spirit And your evermore A gem upon the southern shore A city that we all adore fake news Charles this is

quite insane how good this is I wrote a satirical poem about Brisbane Australia it's very long let me just give you some of the best bits

the river flows through the heart of town but it's murky and brown not a gem to be found and the story bridge stands tall and grand but it's just a bridge nothing too grand

but don't get us wrong it's not all bad there are parks and beaches to make you glad and the people are friendly that's for sure But let's face it, it's not Sydney or Melbourne, for sure. So if you're looking for a place to stay and you don't mind a bit of heat and decay,

come on down to Brizzy, give it a try, but don't say we didn't warn you, it's not paradise. I mean, it's snarky about the right things. Wow, you know what's really going to irritate some of our listeners if we make fun of orange. Or Bathurst. We can't criticise Bathurst. Why? Because Gabby will come on the podcast. But this is, it's refusing to mock Melbourne.

Oh, so woke. I cannot create a poem that mocks or that ridicules or mocks a particular place. Well, it just did. It just did for fucking Brisbane. Let's throw a line under this episode. I think we have delivered on bare minimum Monday. In fact, I think this is tomorrow, it's probably going to be fair minimum Tuesday. If anyone is still listening in the reviews, you've got to, what's the key word?

No, if you're listening at this point, you can send us an email at podcast at chastor.com. Yeah. Using the subject matter owed to Brisbane, and we'll just personally congratulate you on bothering to get this far. Yeah, okay. So yeah.

Oh, our gear is from Roe. Oh, fuck it. Be a bit of him. Okay.