The Chaser Report - BEST OF: Nina on a bender and Dan on the deers!

Episode Date: December 21, 2021

Today's BEST OF features some of our favourite guest appearances including Dan Ilic, Nina Oyama, and Dan Ilic! We remember that time Nina had a bender in Perth (of all places), and the time Dan asked the Interns for billboard ideas which ended up in New York. Plus the time Dan and Dom found the story of the year about two naked sunbathers getting arrested after being frightened by a dear. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chase of Report. It is Wednesday the 22nd of December and as we get closer and closer to Christmas that probably most of us can't go to because we're isolating. Charles Firth, Alex of allovich and I, Dom Knight, are putting together some of the best clips from the year. It's been a fun week, hasn't it, of prefabricated shit? Look, as the numbers saw, I'm not even sure we're going to make it to the end of the year, Dom. No, we may not.

Yeah. I mean, it would be kind of, we've done so much. pre-recorded stuff for this summer, that if we die, we will live on in podcast form for a long time to come. So haunting. It is. But we've got some good stuff today. This is one of my nominations for among the best items of the year.

It was that time when Nina Ayama, one of our favorite guests, went to Perth and honestly the random weirdness that in see, there were lollies involved as well, lollies and various chemicals, and it's a wonderful trip. Yes, I think it was a trip. Yes, one of the best, certainly one of the best. certainly one of the best guest interviews of the year. Also, there was a period when Charles went away for two weeks at the beginning of lockdown.

He thought he was going to be spending the time with his kids on holiday, but actually the lockdown began. So we got Dan Illichin, and look, we had a chat about the deer incident, which is, I think, one of the news highlights of 2021. Remember that? The two nude guys startled by a deer in the woods. Oh, that's right.

Yes. And then also, the moment when Dan came to us and asked for ideas for the billboards in New York. And we're very proud to have been involved with one of the year's best pranks globally. I played by Dan from Irrational Fear. And if you haven't described to his podcast,

do that now. It all begins after this. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. Fizz is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month.

Certain conditions apply. Charles, we've never before had a Western Australian correspondent on the Chaser report. No, and it's been something that nobody has missed. Yes, nobody has requested this. However, we do have one of our regular New South Wales correspondents, Nina Ayame, in W.A. Nina, hello. Hello, I'm not actually, I'm not in W.A. I'm fresh from W.A.

So you've been to W.A. this year? Yeah, I have been to W.A. this year. I've been in the last week. Does that still count? Is that fresh enough? How long did you stay in Western Australia? Probably about 12 hours, but it was enough for me to experience. That's plenty.

Look, I think going for an actual Western Australian is too much. Yeah. And also, Nita, you have an outsider's perspective, which frankly I'm looking forward to. What's it like? It's actually pretty nice. It's like a nice, like, little country town. So I went to Perth to do my comedy festival show, Nia O'Amah, is with me right now. and I pretty much like I got on the plane and I forgot to drink water

and I just had like the biggest headache for the entire plane ride and it's a five-hour chip. Did you know it's a five-hour trip to her? Yeah, but Nina, don't you have that smart water bottle that reminds you to drink? Wasn't that a thing? No. I had to do it because the Bluetooth wasn't working. The one thing!

No, but you got the app, don't you? You got the app? Oh my God, yeah. I forgot about that. Okay. Nina. No, Nina, you've got to get, put the app back on your phones or you drink, and you probably need another one to remind you to breathe, maybe, I'm thinking.

The other thing is, you know, that headache that you get when you don't drink water, that actually is a good reminder to drink water. But it's hard to just drink water on the plane. Like, I forgot to fill up my drink bottle beforehand because I went to the lounge and I got over-excited and I just spent all my time eating food. And so I went to, because I needed to go to the lounge. I found a friend at the airport that they left. let me into the lounge.

I was really excited. But I got on the plane and, like, on the plane, they don't just give you water and you can't fill up your drink bottle. So, like, whenever I'd ask for water, the lady would just give me, like, a really tiny cup of water. Oh, okay. And it just wasn't enough. What airline were you flying?

I don't want to give it away, but it begins with a V. Ah, right. And this is the other thing is, like, if you do a trip on this airline to Melbourne, it's like a 90-minute flight and they give you food. But if you do this same airline from Sydney to Perth, which is a five and a half hour flat, no food. No food. No food.

So rough. Yeah, you're really slumming it flying around Australia. What I'm really enjoying about this cross that gives a sense of what's happening in Western Australia is that we haven't yet gotten to Western Australia in the story. Well, okay, it's basically my experience of Western Australia, like I'm not going to like the entire time I was out, was very delirious because I hadn't had any food or like water and I was just kind of like I went to my Airbnb and I was like cool I'm going to get to sleep and I like I went there and it was like

two o'clock p.m and they were still like cleaning the Airbnb so I couldn't you know it like like sleep or anything so this is my experience of Perth it's just wandering around Perth like kind of dehydrated and like un like not like mentally well like you know when you you're like you're tired and you're like starving and you're thirsty and like you don't know how to like be a person so I went to the IGA and I was like I'm just to get some food and then I was a little better but my like brain wasn't fastening properly so I just went straight to like the weird artisanal lollies section and I bought like $50 worth of like peanut brittle and honeycombs and these like these red flog frogs that were like dipped in white chocolate like I just put all

these, like, psycho treats. I'm gathering that there's a flaw in this notion of Nina to do a report. Because when Nina goes to W.A., the thing is she's still Nina. Yeah, it's right. We've got to report about Nina from W.A. Yeah, that's right. The same report about Nina, but in a different location with a different backdrop. Okay.

I know. You can fly away to half. You can fly over the country, but you can't fly away for yourself. I think that's what I'm learning. Isn't that it? That's sort of the moral of the title. But Nina, can I just start? asked, did you play at the Estor?

Is that where you were? Yeah, I was in the Asthmael lounge, and I had two shows back to back. And, like, I just didn't know how to function, so I decided to drink, like, three Red Bulls in a row. So you're dehydrated. And you just had caffeine. Right. So this is a medical emergency, basically.

And sugar. Yeah, I think I should have had a heart attack, but I did. I told the bar lady, I was like, man, I'm, like, flying so high right now. I haven't slept. I've, like, eaten, like, all just sugar. and Red Bulls. And I think I had a Ritalin as well because I was like, I don't know,

I got a focus. Like, I was on everything. And she was like, man, you should have seen yesterday we had thirsty Merkin. She's like, you know,

you're not even the highest person that's been in this week. The pro tip is clearly that when traveling cross country to Perth, the best thing to do is rather than going to Perth, you go to a completely alternative

dimension in your head and that way you don't have to engage with the Westland Australia. Yeah. And also, you could just like follow around the band thirsty Merck because then you'll never be the highest

person that's been there that week. It's genius. I must say it, Nina, like you make it sound really rock and roll, but it is literally the world's tamest rock and roll story. And then I drank some Red Bull. You sound like a 12 year old. Well, I don't have the connections in Perth

to like Warren crazy. And I'm not going to bring drugs on a fly. I have done that before and it was fine. But I was like, you know what? Perth had stupid dogs, you know, I'm not. But, Nita, what was Perth's favorite joke? Was it different from other places you've played? Did they get something else out of your comedy style?

No, I think I would have... Yeah, don't ask me what happened at either of those gigs. She can't remember. Don't ask me. Don't ask me what happened at either of those gigs. I honestly, like, it flew... It was like 2... It was like 7 p.m. and 8.30 p.m.

And it was just, like, it disappeared from my brain. She was just riding the peanut brittal, man. The peanut brittal way. You would know the craziest thing, though, is after that. So I bought really artisanal shit. Like, you know, when you go to, like, Harris Farm and there's, like, all those lollies in the clear containers. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was all like that stuff.

And they make you feel like you're being healthy because they're from Harris Farm. Yeah. And it's also, like, it's handmade in fucking Geringong or whatever. Like, it's good. It's, like, got this vibe of, like, you know, just like, like a woman, like, you know, dipping stuff in a chocolate fountain. Like, it's real, I don't know. It has, like, an energy.

But, like, when I was, so I had to fly from Perth for Rockhampton. And it, like, on the flight there, like, I got out one of the little artisanal lolly things, and it was these chocolate-dipped red frogs, like red frogs that had been dipped in white chocolate that I probably pay in like $50 for. Yeah. And the guy next to me, because I offered it to him because I was quite rude to not offer your lollies around if he's going to eat a whole lollie thing. And so I offered some to him.

And he said, oh, I actually like, I know the woman that made this. And I actually organized distribution from Adelaide to Perth for her to stock those frogs in the IGA. Isn't that insane? Wow. So you're going straight to the dealer. You sat next to the dealer. Yeah, I sat next to the frog dealer. I wish I sat next to a different type of dealer, but you know what?

Vegas can't be Jesus. But this is the crazy thing is I actually invented these folks. I'm the one who told her you need to dip frogs in white chocolate. And I was like, that is insane. And so I was like, well, do you want one? And he goes, nah. Like just straight out. He was like, no.

I was like, what is? I was like, what's in these? Like, it's bad? Like, he just fully was like, no way, I'm not eating that stuff. I've done a few kind of travel crosses with people in the past. I can't say that I've had one, which was so light or details about the place, and yet so rich of information about the snacks consume, which had nothing to do with the place in question.

Because there's some things we've got to talk about top of the show, Dan. Big news from Sydney. The New South Wales Police Commissioner Mick Fuller had an extraordinary story in yesterday's briefing. Unbelievably, we saw two men sun baking naked on a beach on the south coast. They was startled by a deer, ran into the National Park and got lost.

Not only do they require assistance from SES and police to rescue them, they also both received a ticket for $1,000. Dan, this is extraordinary. It is extraordinary, but first of all, their sunbaking. I'm okay with that nude. That's totally fine. But while you're nude, how do you get started by a deer so much that you run away into the forest?

Surely a nude man is more startling to a deer than a deer is to a nude man. And also, I think I'm misunderstanding how exhibitionism works, Dan. Like if you're surely they want the deer to watch. They're putting on a show for the deer. This is why they're on a beach. They're on a very public place where people can see them and as well as fauna. They should be charging tickets to go see their willy-whackers in the sun. Faunicating, perhaps I'm not sure.

This wasn't clear. Yes. Maybe they are also Trump supporters because Trump did say early on in this pandemic that sunlight could possibly maybe even cure COVID-19, which we all know is not exactly true. So the rules at the moment are that you're allowed to exercise outdoors in groups of less than 10. A group of less than 10? Tick.

Tick. Outdoors, tick. Now, sunbaking, not exercising. My question for the commissioner is, if they were actually having sex, would that count as exercise? And thereby would they not get fined? Is the part of the thing they're getting fined for

that they weren't exercising? But also, when the deer arrived, they sure as hell fucking started exercising. They sprinted out of there. That's compliant. Yeah, excuse me, sir. I'm just going to have to stop you from sunbathing there to take your heart rate.

if your heart rate is higher than a resting BPM, then you're free to go. Unfortunately, your heart rate has come back at 75 beats per minute, so I'm afraid that's a $1,000 fine. I just think we need more clarity in these guidelines, because what I'm reading is public sex is fine. Yep, that's totally fine. Don't take my word for it, but it's exercises outdoors, and just as long as you don't have to live in people who are in your orgy, you comply it.

But being chased off by a deer, couldn't that be some sort of sport? Isn't that like some sort of steeple chase slash dickens? Cathalon thing. It seems like something that would be in the Winter Olympics. Yes, indeed. If they were doing it down a slope with the rifles slung around their neck, it would be a biathlon. Yeah, look. And if the deer got involved, it might be a triathlon. I don't even know how they roll. The problem is that they were probably nude. And I reckon if they had some sweatbands in appropriate places with some sporting brands attached, like a nice little Nike sweatband or an Adidas sweatband, then that would clearly be physical education.

The good thing is, though, Dan, we've got the first spin-off mini-series of this lockdown. We all want to see a recreation at this story. I want to see the body cam footage from the police and the SES. When Good Sunbaking Goes Bad. It's probably uploaded to Pornhub. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore?

Fizz is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. Welcome back sports fans to the 2021 Internet Olympics. We're back here again at Stockland Retirement Village where the conditions are just right for our favorite senior citizens division.

Watch as they race to successfully connect their Wi-Fi and send an email. Today we have John, Martha and Dennis racing for a free posthumous cremation. That's right, ladies and gentlemen. Today they are competing for the Ashes. And they're off. Dennis is showing great form as he moves his face,

six inches away from the screen and adjusts his glasses. Can he find the Wi-Fi symbol? Dennis is one to watch tonight, excelling in the qualifiers yesterday where he managed to plug his phone charger in. Meanwhile, Martha is not far behind him. Martha has already managed to figure out how the mouse works. You little beauty! John's coming in as the underdog for today's match.

He's currently tearing it up in the back, adjusting the height setting on his seat. John, we know you love posture, but lumbar support is not going to help your back now. disaster on the field for Dennis who is full stream ahead already connected to the correct Wi-Fi router but it looks like old Dennis has hit a roadblock

or should we say cock block as he's been hit by a barrage of pop-ups for porn don't believe them Dennis there aren't any hot singles in your area John looks though he's fallen on a hurdle here folks he's stuck looking at an email advertisement for Viagra looks like John just can't keep up oh no it looks like Martha has fallen for a fishing scam

She's writing a check now for a Ugandan prince. Careful, Martha. That's a lot of zeros there. Uh-oh. Martha has just lost a double or nothing on her grandchildren's inheritance. Martha is out for the match. Meanwhile, Dennis is powering on against all odds. The porn pop-ups just do not stop.

Looks like we have a cheating scandal occurring right here, folks. John is just trying to call up his son, but wait. He's accidentally left himself a voicemail. Oh, and it's 6.30, and everyone has fallen. sleep. What a riveting match, ladies and gentlemen, join us next week as we spectate middle-aged mothers racing to share memes to Facebook about drinking wine. We'll have you living, laughing and loving all night long. It's time to welcome back our good friend Dan Illich of the Irrational Fear podcast who co-hosted this very podcast earlier in the year. Hey, Dan. Hi, it's good to be with you.

Now, Dan, you've managed to get the rarest thing in the world, money to produce comedy. Yeah, well, no one does it anymore. I mean, the ABC is run out of money. That's why they only do three episodes of Question Everything. And so, you know, that's some, you know, so I've got to find money for good jokes somewhere. So I've turned to the Australian people and really harness everyone's rage about our own climate in action

to do something good with it. So what I've done is I've started a Indiegogo page called Jokeeper, and what I've done is I've managed to raise a whole bunch of money to make joke billboards all around the world. And not just that, other things as well, stunts and other things during the election. But it started off with a billboard dom. Like, I had this $12,000 invoice from an outdoor media company in Glasgow. And I was like, oh, my God, I've got this billboard in Glasgow to poke fun at the Australian government.

But I don't have $12,000. How am I going to get it? I'll put it a Kickstarter together or an Indygo to go-to together. And I put it up online on Monday, last Monday, last week. And it was at 6.30. I hit go. I sent it to all the people that listened to a rational fear my podcast. And within two hours, I'd $12,000. People are like, yeah, we'll definitely pay you to make fun of the Australian government's lack of actual climate in Glasgow. So now we've got a billboard with three bits of artwork on it for the climate talks in Glasgow,

which is amazing. But not only that, I now have got $136,46,462 from 1695 backers who want to see more billboards and more ridiculing of this government's lack of action on climate change. So, Dom, I'd ever thought I would ever become a media buyer in country Australia, but that's exactly what I've done. I've started looking at marginal and regional electorates all around Australia, looking for the pressure points for this election to try and plonk a billboard. I've so far built, oh, let me bring up my spreadsheet. I've got, this is how, this is the problem. Like, I need a spreadsheet to keep track, a billboard tracker to keep track of all these billboards that I'm buying.

This is amazing. So you've hit a financial gold mine, but what you now need is ideas for the billboards. And that's where we can come in because if there's one thing we have at the tracer, it's lots of ideas and not necessarily money to put them into action, which is why we've assembled our team to brainstorm ideas for Dan billboards. Yes, I'm out of ideas. I've only got three and I'm using them up already. So hit me with your best ideas.

We've assembled the team. We've got Loughlin, Gabby, Zanda, and Alexa all say hello at the same time in an awkward way, please. Oh, we're like the shit of vengeance. Okay, okay, okay. All right, Dan, I have an idea for a billboard for you, right? Now, we think of every, the big figures involved in climate, right? Scott Morrison, Gina Reinhardt, Rupert Murdoch. Uh-huh, yeah.

We need to put them in all their glory on a billboard together, naked in a hot tub. the hot tub on fire right and it says climate action is sexier than this what's the budget to do that for real well you know Gina Scott and Rupert are due for a hot tub next week so we just need to find a paparazzi to take a picture of them and a flamethrone and that's all we need I thought you've got to really pitch on what people know about Australia which is really just Chris Hemsworth and Croc Dundee so you could do a fake movie poster billboard that says crock dundee four that's not climate denial this is climate denial that's pretty good i reckon there should just be if we're going to target scott specifically there should just be a black

and white billboard like white background black text that just says jenny says it was fine jenny jenny and the girls want net zero by 2030 that's excellent I think we're getting a bit too imaginative. Like, I don't think it's actually possible for Australia to meet its climate targets. We need to be offering something a bit more believable, something that we can do as Australians. So we'll be like, hey, everyone else meet the target goals, and we'll take Mel Gibson back.

Bargum. And then just a picture of him on the plane. I don't know. Yeah. So while we've been. I've just got approval for two billboards that are going to go up October 25th. One in Armadale, which is Barnaby Joyce's electorate, and one in Kuyang, which is Josh Frydenberg's electorate.

Now, when they told me that these billboards were not allowed to be political because they're on government land, I had to really tinker with the message. I promised them they were just about climate change. So one said, Australia, net zero by 2300. I had a picture of a kangaroo with flames on it, which is great. So that's very funny. and the other one in Kuyong has an illustration of a man at a standing desk who kind of looks a little like Josh Frydenberg

and it says, hey, big space, comma, it's time to buy a standing desk because you're about to lose your seat. So if anyone listening to this sees that billboard, which is on Barker's Road in Hawthorne, I need someone with a spray can to go and spray Josh on the billboard. Dan, Dan, don't you mean wouldn't it be a shame if? Oh, sorry, wouldn't it be a, so wouldn't it be a shame if someone of the spray can could go spray Josh on the beltboard?

Oh no, then it'd be political. Then it'd be political. I mean, I'm not going to do it. I live in Sydney. There's no way I'm going to Melbourne. The graffiti is disgusting. Well, that was some genuine best of. I'm starting to think that this has been quite a good year for us.

It actually makes you feel so much better about lockdown. Like, I'm looking forward to the next one because most of this stuff. was recorded in lockdown. Yeah. And if we're this good in the next lockdown, that's going to be a great year. I reckon we can top it. Just as Omicron is a more evolved variant,

we can be the Omicron of like lockdown podcasts. Our numbers saw when lockdown happens. When people have nothing else to do in the world. You know, the podcast of last resort. They turn to us. So, you know, from a business strategy perspective, here's to Omicron. Woo!

Our gears from Road Microphones. We're part of the Acast, to create a network. And our variant of choice is Omicron. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. FIS is 100% online so you can make the switch in minutes.

Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca.