The Chaser Report - Bigot Brother | Dave Milner

Episode Date: July 18, 2021

Today, we ponder the arrival and rapid departure of the notorious Katie Hopkins. Also, passionate Melburnian Dave Milner of The Shot tells us what it's like to be entering your fifth lockdown, and our own Gabbi Bolt destroys Charles in a radio news quiz. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode of The Chaser Report is sponsored by the Morrison government's COVID disaster payments, available to all workers doing it tough in marginal liberal electorates. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report for Monday, the 19th of July. Charles, I can't wait to talk about this Katie Hopkins business that exploded over the weekend. Yes. of this woman who tried to undermine quarantine by going naked at the door of a hotel room? What's your take on all of that?

My take on all that is that she was a racist, horrible woman who should never have been led into the country. And now she's being dumped by General 7, not for her horrible, horrible remarks that she's made over the years, but because she wanted to be naked in front of a quarantine work. It's such a bizarre story. Now, I'll bring her in to do Big Brother, which requires her to regularly be naked when not wanted to be. Right. So Katie Hopkins is against lockdown. That's why she was protesting in the hotel corridor.

Yeah, she's very anti-lockdowns. That's right. Right, right. The whole premise of Big Brother is to lock people down for weeks on end. That's actually true. She's an idiot. She's anti-lockdown. Why did she sign up for Big Brother in the first place?

But also, the notion that she brought the... seven networking to disrepute. Yeah. Having someone racist on that network, it's expected. Sonia Kruger, herself, the host of Big Brother, has previously gotten into trouble when she was at nine for talking about how we should cut down Muslim migration. Personally, I think Andrew Bolt has a point here

that there is a correlation between the number of people who are Muslim in a country and the number of terrorist attacks. Just to clarify, Sonia, are you saying that you would like our borders closed to Muslims at this point. Yes, I would. So it wouldn't surprise me at all if getting Katie Hopkins was actually Sonia Krueger's big idea. Yeah, that's right. Well, maybe Sonia Kruger can replace Katie Hopkins on Big Brother and be locked away somewhere else and so we don't see her for several weeks. Anyway, enough about Katie Hopkins. We're going to head down to Melbourne and chat to Dave

Milner of the shot. He is the voice of Melbourne. And on behalf of Melbourne, he's joining us to talk about our mutual lockdowns. And Gabby Bolt is coming on the show to give us a surprise. I don't know what it is. I know what it is, and it's going to be a wonderful segment. Oh, okay. Well, and lots more coming up on the show. But first of all, let's go to Rebecca Dana-Mano with the Chesa News headlines. The EU has faced intense criticism for its unorthodox handling of the coronavirus this week.

Their plan to drown the virus by simultaneously releasing all their dams has backfired, leaving a lot of Europeans wet and angry. Channel 7 has successfully lobbied the government to weigh. their COVID travel restrictions to allow UK far-right media personalities to fly in and participate in Big Brother. Now Channel 7 is receiving a record number of applications from the 36,000 Aussies stranded overseas. The applicants are nervously hoping they're racist enough to be allowed back in the country. Young Australians are feeling the strain after another round of lockdowns fearing their running out of superannuation to tap into. The federal government

stepped in this week with a nationwide information campaign spruiking how lucrative their blood plasma and bone marrow is. That's the latest Chaser News you can't trust. I'm Rebecca Deunamuno. The Chaser report brought to you by the federal government's COVID disaster payments, helping those who need it most, except for disabled people, young people, carers and anyone else receiving any welfare benefits. Don't worry. The money we save not paying you will be sent straight to Jerry now here in Sydney we've been in lockdown for weeks now so we thought we might as well reach out to some of our friends down in Melbourne check in with them because they've gone into a lockdown and we thought we might be able to pass on some tips yeah how to do lockdown

so we decided to get on the phone Dave Milner also known as the voice of Melbourne he's the editor of the shot Dave how you going I'm good man I wish you'd stop calling me that but otherwise I'm okay, how are you guys? You're the new Neil Mitchell, mate. Don't call me that. Definitely don't call me that. You're pleased on Friday.

It was called Victoria's Lockdown 5.0. Pretty fast, pretty fucking furious. I think it's the ancient piece I've ever read. Within an hour, it had a thousand retweeds. You're the voice of Melbourne. Just own it. All right, all right. I'll own it.

I'll own it reluctantly. But yeah, it was, I guess we're a bit pissed off down here. Well, on behalf of Sydney, you're welcome for increasing the web traffic to your excellent website. Well, do you know what, though? Like, last week I really was flound around and had no idea what to write about. So, you know, part of me was glad this happened. You know, people say that, you know, cynically, the media wants horrible things to happen. And I guess that's kind of true.

So how did you spend your weekend? Like, what's your tips for how to do lockdown? I've just been staring at a wall for a bit, like 20 minutes or so. So do a bit of that. I've been drinking, having cups of tea and watching terrible things on television. Man, you go to Ikea, go to Louis Vuitton, do all the things that you do when you're in lockdown, you know? No, that's all finished. Because if you winges in Melbourne complaining that Gladys didn't go hard enough,

so now we're actually only allowed to do essential retail, no more trips to IKEA for half the day. How are we supposed to kill our time now? Jesus, that sounds like you've got a proper coronavirus outbreak. Well, we do. This is the whole point, Dave. We've got a proper outbreak. It's sort of justified that we've got a lockdown.

With you guys, you only had, what, 12 cases or something like that? And suddenly you go into lockdown. I mean, what's all that about? You don't get tough until it's in three figures. That's the way it works. Well, no, I mean, it's a fair point. We just sort of, I guess we understand exponential growth curves here. I think that's probably the difference between the two cities.

I'm going to, if you're going to keep talking like this, I'm going to have to go and collect a handbag when this is over. What I want to know is has the Daily Telegraph started a campaign against your dictator up there? I think I saw yesterday, certainly one of the tabloid Sunday papers, had COVID ring of steel because of how they're conveniently just blocking off where a lot of migrants live and it seems a little racist so the telly is actually in favour. Well, that'll make things easier for everyone else that has to read that shit newspaper. And also, I mean, the financial review, they've gone really tough on Gladys.

They led in their magazine with the woman who saved Australia. So that's, you know, you can't say that they're giving Gladys a free pass. I mean, I have been saying that, but you're right. Perhaps I was overreacting. Perhaps she is the woman that saved Australia. But just to answer your question earlier, Dave, we've managed to transfer so much COVID to Victoria now that at some point that's going to reseed back up here, And then the Daily Trelegraph is going to run with Dan made disaster.

Yeah, I mean, but it is what it is. Let's just play tennis with the disease back on and forth. We can have this stupid parochial turf war for the rest of the time. It's fun. It'll keep us all employed. I mean, what do you expect us to do, Dana? Vaccinate everyone. I mean, come on.

This is just, it's just a lot of work, mate. It's much easier to lock everyone down. No, you're right. I'm still really amused by the fact that Kevin Rudd had a fill-in shift as PM to try to sort out the vaccine. I mean, it speaks to both those Prime Minister's characters. Kevin Rudd is basically egomaniac that needs to take charge of everything, and Scott Morrison doesn't want to do anything. That's true.

It's like a yin and yang of fairly crap prime ministers, isn't it? So, can I get a reaction to some behalf of Melbourne, Dave, as you are the voice thereof? What are your thoughts about a woman called Domenica Barilaro? She's the daughter of the deputy premier. Last week, it was revealed that she went from Queenbion to Sydney, despite the lockdown, completely ignoring it. And she's the daughter of the deputy premier of New South Wales. It's a good look.

It speaks to how seriously the New South Wales government is taking this and has taken this the entire time. I do you know what? I don't want to get into the whole thing of blaming private citizens for sucking up too much because everyone has done it. Admittedly, that is brazen and ridiculous. But so much of the discussion around here is that when actually powerful people are fucked up with their messaging and their instructions, they get off the hook a little bit by blaming these individuals. Obviously, we're all a bit pissed off at this removalist company that's sealed the coronavirus in our state.

But ultimately, it's the powerful people that set the tone. And it's just kind of funny that one of the powerful people is this person's dad who probably should have told her more strictly that this isn't a fucking great. idea. But, you know, we've seen this across the world where privileged people think these rules don't apply to them. Dominic Cummings in the UK is a fantastic example. Went for a drive around the country. Yeah, I agree, actually, with you, Dave. I think we shouldn't be playing the blame game. And that's why, now that you've said that, on behalf of Melbourne, no one in Melbourne's allowed to blame Sydney for ruining their lives.

I'm not sure how well it'll go over, but let's just go with it for now. You guys, you've got, fuck. Do you know what it is? We actually just, while we're just, while we're just, why, we're so pissed off is because we had lots of us had the worst year of our life and we just don't want you guys to go through that again because it's fucking horrific by like by week 15 or whatever the fuck it was time stops flowing in the way it usually does it just boggles your head and i sincerely hope you guys get out of it as soon as you can but just you know properly and and stop sitting it elsewhere too that kind of thing that's the caveat i feel like we're getting to the end of the interview and yet we haven't actually covered the top story of you know last week at all

all, which was, do you think Scott Morrison shed his pants at Engaddy Mattis? Yes, you know, I've got nothing to base that on, just the strength of his characters, but yes, no, absolutely. He definitely has. In that interview with Kyle and Jackie O, he didn't even need to mention it. He's cleared it up several times before in talking to FM breakfast shows, and he was like, hey, hey, guys, can I just mention a thing?

You just mention a thing? I didn't ship my pants, okay? I didn't. Isn't the funny thing that he's, such a shit Prime Minister that he'd prefer to actually just, you know, fess up to shitting his pants at

McDonald's because that's the least worst thing he's done. That's a good point. It is a staggering deflection from the 4D chess, getting ahead at a media point of view. Talking about the fact that you may or may not have crapped your pants is an all-time low deflection. It's remarkable. But that's where we are. This country,

man, it does my head in. Now, Dave, we've done these interviews with you before. We tended to sign off by patron He's saying, you've got this. Can we say it to each other and actually mean it this time? That would be nice. Do you think we're capable of that? Not really?

I think so. Have a go. Let's feign some sincerity and see how it goes. All right. Well, no, but you don't have to have this, Dave. Like, I'm going to gazump on this whole deal because you'll be out the other side within a couple of weeks. You've got to prop a lockdown.

Oh, you know, we know what we're doing down here. You don't, you know, you don't need to wish as well. We're fine. We've done this five times now. You know, we got this. Just fuck off. Leave us to our lockdown line, mate. Have fun, guys.

Whatever you say, David, no matter where this goes from here, we will always be the ones that manage to fuck up the MCG. The Chaser Report, sponsored by the Morrison government's COVID disaster payments, expertly designed to help those

who are really struggling right now in the polls. Now, Charles, you're a regular on James Valentine's show on ABC Radio, Sydney, aren't you? You go on to plug your stuff all the time. Yeah, that's right. It's a good forum because it allows my natural charisma and wit, as well as my extraordinary general knowledge to all come out

and be used for a good cause, which is to plug whatever project I'm doing. So that's a segment called plug, and the deal, as I understand it, not having done it myself, is that if you win in some sort of quiz, you get to plug your stuff but not otherwise, is that right? That is entirely correct. So the thing is, my sources tell me, Charles, that last week, you went on said segment with James Valentine with our very own Gabby Bolt. Yeah, I don't think we need to discuss this particular appearance on plug. I'm afraid to tell you, Gabby is right here ready to discuss your particular appearance.

Hey, Gabby. Hi. Yeah, no, I'm so excited. From memory, it was pretty much a tie. Is your memory as good as your game show skills, Charles? Because according to my memory, I flogged you. What matters most is these things being entertaining? And, you know, maybe, you know, you're very young.

You didn't quite get that, you know, if someone's winning and somebody else has to lose. And, you know, I very generously, I think, just played the role of the loser in this segment. So you're saying you let me win. It's definitely true that for comedy, Charles, is a wonderful comedy loser. The thing is, Charles, I managed to get some of the audio of you doing the show. And I'm very keen for Gabby to talk us through what happened, Gabby. Well, it started out all right. Gabby, you can have a go at this first.

Which one of these people in Sydney at the moment is essential? A, baristas, B, camping shop worker, C, beer warehouse workers, D, Louis Vuitton Handbag Consultant. Can I go a bit off book here and say all of the above? Charles. Well, see, if I was anywhere else in the country, I'd say none of the above. Maybe the bee. But since we're in New South Wales and we don't define anything, I think it's all of the above. I'm going to go with Gabby.

I'm going to go with Gabby. You two are just killing it this afternoon because, yes, it is all of the above. That's a rare example of Charles going straight for the right answer. Now, here's the thing. Charles just piggybacked off my answer. I went off book and everything. I want the good stuff. I want to hear why James Valentine, at the beginning of this conversation,

said Charles usually gets it wrong. Dom, don't worry, because I have a great question to show you. The Chinese spy ship has come to Australia to spy on us. They are mainly here to spy on the US-Australian war games. and war exercises which are taking place at the moment. The name of these US-Australian War Games is, A, Infinity Stone, B, the Amulet of Zenitha, Sorens Ring, or Talisman Sabre. What is the name of these exercises that are going on? I think it'll be Infinity Stone, right?

Because that's sort of culturally, you know, topical sort of thing at the moment. So you think it's taking place inside the Marvel universe, is you? Yeah, yeah, I'm sure. Gabby Bolt, Talisman's Saber, Sorin's Ring, Amulet of Zenitha, or. infinity stone. I think it might be talisman sabre because I feel like it's cool to say. It is actually talisman saver. Charles went for infinity stone. As if they would call it that, Charles. You've obviously never met a soldier. They're all into sort of Marvel universes and thinking that they're superheroes. Yeah, they all want to be not, what's his name,

Harry Connick Jr.? What's the name of the... You mean Robert Downey Jr.? Yeah, Robert Downey Jr. Have you seen the movies? I'm very clear that we're doing that at the edit. That's what war games are. They're these opportunity for daggy military types. Charles, they're a spy ship, as if they're going to call themselves, like the most popular movie. All right, we've gone too deep into the weeds here, I think. I don't have to call James Vantyne to adjudicate this once again.

How did it go from there? It all came undone with the last question. Because they tailored it to me, which was great. Bravo, absolutely fantastic. Gabby, you're leaping ahead to three points there. So I'm going to play here a little from, Flight of the Concordes. Marvelous tune of theirs called Business Time, and I'll ask you to complete the lyric.

You know how I know. How does he know? Much like a lot of people yesterday, I'm assuming. It's because it's Wednesday. You know how I know, because it's Wednesday. Well, let's go a little more traditional. Maybe this is more of Charles' generation. This is Tom Leera, so I'll ask you to join in at the end, Charles and Gabby, if you know

this one. There'll be nobody left behind degrees. Everybody. I don't know. Oh, okay. So, Charles was definitely left behind and that was last questions because it was all musical comedy based. It was. Although, I've got to say that I think the person who got that wrong was actually James Valentine

because surely we know more about part of the concordes than Tom Leera. Yeah, like Tom Leera, isn't that like our parents' generation? He thinks you're a boomer. I can't wait to ask you how World War II was, Charles. Gabby won. But then what did you play? bug, Gabby, given that you both, you know, work for us. James is very nice, and he actually gave us both the opportunity to plug.

Charles got the ability to go first, though, and so he decided in that moment to talk me up, which I very much appreciated. Charles Firth, because you've been such a loser in the past, you can tell us what you and Gabby are up to. We are doing, as you already have mentioned, a daily podcast called The Chaser Report. It's just the funnest thing in the world to do. Especially because you get to work with these amazingly accomplished people, like there's this one person that we've got called Gabby Bolt. She's actually nominated for a Tony Award.

I wonder how Gabby Bolt feels about that. Well, the thing is, Charles keeps pushing this narrative that I'm nominated for both a Tony and an Emmy, but the real deal was that Ratatusical put up a for-your-consideration campaign to the Emmys and yesterday, as of yesterday, it officially got snubbed. He talked me up, but with the wrong fact, which is nice. So even the plug was wrong.

Yeah. Well, Charles, I can see why he keeps inviting you back. As the comic foils. Yes, as the low state of it. this person who gets all wrong. You know, before that air check that we just had then, I really honestly thought the reason why he wanted it is because I'm so knowledgeable about the news.

I've never had it played back to me before to realize what a fuck whit I am. I'm glad I could do that for you, Charles. I mean, look, I must say, Charles. I think you're never going to be short of an invitation to go on that. Do you love the sound of that new alcohol-free carbon zero? I'd wish there was an alternative that tasted less like beer, Introducing Carlton None Whatsoever, we started with our famous Culton Draft, took out the alcohol, then removed the grain and the hops, took out the yeast, and left the water.

Carlton None Whatsoever, a delicious tinny of water. Oh, this water's my favourite beer ever! If you thought the federal government vaccine rollout was a debacle, you obviously haven't checked out its COVID disaster payments, designed to help out everyone except those in need. COVID disaster payments. Proud sponsors of the Chase of Report. Charles, just before we go, a great story from the UK here.

Sainsbury's, the supermarket chain, has a product. I've got the packet here. Love your veg, vegan lasagna with butternut, squash and lentil. It sounds pretty good. Just one problem. They've had to issue a product recall after a batch of their vegan lasagna was found to contain milk, beef and pork. So are they not vegan, are they? Yeah, no milk, also beef, and they don't think very kindly of pork, as it turns out as well.

They've completely stuffed up and mixed it in with the regular Bolognese melt, a ragu made from beef and pork. Can I ask, Dom? I don't know whether you know, but it's suddenly that vegan lasagna become extremely popular once it actually had milk, beef and pork in it and actually taste like a fucking piece of food? It tastes so good, I can't believe it's vegan. I mean, I must say, Charles, I'm largely veg at the moment because my wife and daughter are vegetarians. And in lockdown, it's not really very efficient to have, you know, separate meal for me. So I'm thinking of ordering some of that list.

Zania on the internet. Yeah, there'll be a rush on the recalled product. That's genius. Do you need us, are you in trouble, Dom? Do you need us to mail you a shipment of beef jerky or something like that? Yeah, if you could just drop like a few carcasses at the front of my house, I'm sure we'd all really appreciate that. Yeah, I'm sure your wife would love that.

There's plenty more news at chaser.com. com.com around the clock. What we really love is when you leave us a five-star review. And today's code word, people have been leaving these code words in their very kind reviews. Charles, what are we going to do this week? Vegan beef lasagna, yes, uh, let us know how you feel about that. Our gear is from Road Microphones. We're part of the ACAST Creator Network.

Goodbye. Thank you. Catch you tomorrow. See ya.