The Chaser Report - Bring Your Child To Work Day

Episode Date: December 7, 2021

With teachers across NSW on strike Charles finally is forced to fulfil his duties as a father, so the team are joined by promising future satirists Hartley and Angus Firth. Now that the average presenter's age is below 50, this child-friendly Chaser Report brings you the latest news about Fortnite, and the daily ethical dilemmas faced by an 11-year-old. Plus a brief chat on Gladys's potential move to federal politics so that you oldies don't feel too left out. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chase of Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report for Wednesday, the 8th of December. I'm Dom Knight and Charles Firth, you seem to have brought some adorable younger podcasters with you today. Yes, that's right. In New South Wales, there is a school strike on today. The teachers are striking for better conditions. I mean, it's Wednesday now, but it was Tuesday. We didn't per-record or anything like that. Oh, no, no. Yeah, this is... Just been a very long strike. So I've had to bring my two lovely sons, Hartley and Angus, to the office. Say hello, hi.

Welcome. Hello. Welcome. And I'll tell you what, it's really nice just hanging out with your kids. I wish the teachers would strike more often. Yeah, I mean, it gives us a family podcast. Traditionally, this podcast hasn't been very family friendly, so it's great to have you boys along. Sure.

Sure. Indeed. Are you enjoying getting off a day of school? Oh, definitely. It's just hanging out with you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I agree. What do you mean?

Why? Utley, what would you rather be doing with your day off? Oh, just staying at home playing screens or something. I know, but whatever. We walked to the office and we had this lovely chat. Was that not? Oh, did you think I enjoyed it? Oh, gosh, I see what's happening here.

Charles, how much time do you normally spend with your boys? Like, is this novel? Oh, look, I've spent, I mean, I was away last week, but, you know, I mean, you know my name. You were away for two weeks. Look, I didn't even know that you're my dad. How do you feel about your father making you work and, like, provide content for him? He makes us do chores all day long. Well, yeah, and after you've created content here, it's back home and everyone's got to sweet the garden.

Now that they're here, we should definitely mind them for content. I mean, I'm not against that plan time. No, I think that's a good idea. So Hartley, the big thing that's happening in the last 24 hours is Fortnite Island 3 or something has come out. So it's, like, everything's basically been reset and there's a new island. All right, well, we'll find out if the new island's any good. And Angus, have you got some ethical dilemmas for us later? Maybe after Harley finishes talking, which may be your while, listeners.

And we go to the thorny world of New South Wales politics where Gladys Berrigalian may put up her hand to run for a seat in the federal election. Can you imagine how much Victorians would hate it if she got elected to the parliament? Oh, my God. Yes. It's probably a good reason to do it. actually. More from Charles's children after the latest from Rickettany Muno, which we'll have in a moment.

Disgraced former New South Wales Premier Gladys Berrigalian may run in the upcoming federal election after she was deemed to be corrupt enough to be a senior minister in the federal Liberal Party. While ICAC corruption findings are still yet to be delivered,

her appearance at the Corruption Commission involved a dodgy hospital deal, a dodgy land deal and even a dodgy grant for a gun club, leading to speculation that she may even be able to teach her federal colleagues a thing or two about corruption. New South Wales teachers are on strike today as part of a dispute for higher wages. A representative for the teachers told the government that higher wages were inevitable, and that, by letting it get to this point, it's your own time you're wasting.

Meanwhile, the New South Wales Teachers Union has come to. to a last-minute solution to getting higher wages. The union says each school in New South Wales will now be rebranded as commuter car parks in marginal seats in order to attract massive federal government funding. That's the latest Chaser News you can't trust. Subscribe to this podcast to stay up to date. I'm Rebecca Daynamuno and I don't approve this message.

So Charles, the big story of the day is the potential return of New South Wales Premier Gladys Bericcliin to politics and running for the federal seat of Waringa, potentially trying to win back Tony Abbott's old seat, which independent Sally Stegler's had for the past couple of terms. Yeah, so it looks like Tony Abbott and Scott Morrison have got together. They've gone around the country and they've tried to find somebody who's under a current corruption cloud and they've come up with Gladys Periglickland. She's currently the subject of an ICAC hearing which hasn't delivered its findings and

they've gone, this woman is dodgy enough, regardless of, what the findings are, I think she's corrupt enough to be in federal politics. The PM was very clear that it doesn't matter at all. Here's what he said about it. She's a person I've always found to be of great integrity. And if she wants to have a crack at

Maringa for the Liberal Party, I suspect the people of Moringa would welcome that. She's been vetted. She's been vetted by a higher authority than I cacta. I love the idea that Scott Morrison's version of integrity is anything, any...

Like, that's damning with faint silence, isn't it? Like, it's just the sort of most damning thing you can say about somebody. Scott Morrison thinks I have integrity. To be fair to the PM, he also said the same thing about Christian Porter. That he had great faith in his integrity. Oh, look, I think he said that about Attila the Hun. You know, he's a very peaceful man. But also, Tony Abbott came out and said that she was a lover of freedom.

Yeah. And, I mean, she's certainly having a much more freedom at the moment than she expected to be having. Thanks to why, okay? But let's just go through some of the things that might be useful in her CV. She did a dodgy hospital funding deal for Wogga Wogga, gave them an extra, I think, $190 million for their hospital. I mean, it's not on the scale of, you know, the $600 million for car parks, but that is federal-level styles of cronyism and corruption.

She didn't declare her relationship with the MP for Wogga-Waga when all this grant stuff was going down, which, I mean, to me, it just shows that she works well with colleagues. A lot of MPs. A lot of MPs don't declare. I mean, Barnaby Joyce never declared his affair when he was having that affair in politics.

Are you suggesting she'll fit quite well into the current federal government? I'm saying this is why they've selected her. They've looked at her and gone, she has all the credentials to join the Liberal front bench. I've got to say, I mean, she's clearly still very popular. The polls say that a lot of people don't care about the ICAC finding. But if you want it the biggest issues going into the federal election is should we have a federal ICAC, if a whole bunch of your front benches have just resigned under a cloud of some kind or another,

if you want to avoid talking about ICAC every single moment of the campaign, what earth would you pick someone who lost their job due to ICACC? Look, it's about branding, Dom, isn't it? I mean, it gives voters a clear choice. You know, on the one hand, you've got people who like corruption and other people who hate corruption. And now you can vote which way. Like before there was this suggestion that the Libs might want a federal like. You can just dispense with that.

It's just a very clear choice. I think it's good for Australian politics. And also, remember, she's going to win. She's definitely going to win. She's up against Zali Stegel. I'm sorry. But, you know, a woman of unimpeachable integrity who believes in climate change and is also a former athlete in the league.

Olympian. And she's a barrister, so actually, like, has, like, ethical responsibilities to the court to tell the truth and so on. Compared to somebody who went out with a guy called Daryl. That's the most tabic thing you can say. You know, this is the same electorate that elected Tony Abbott. Like, they have no taste. Like, let's be clear, this is northern beaches.

They are fucked beyond all imagining. Of course, they're going to choose Gladys. As of the time of recording this, Gladys has not confirmed that she actually wants to do it. That's the one missing piece of this. is why on earth would Gladys want to join federal politics? I've actually, I've heard on The Great Pine, if Gladys doesn't take the job, apparently George Pell is available.

The Chaser Report, news you can't trust. All right, here on The Chaser Report, we have one of the world's first reviews of Ireland 3 of Fortnite, courtesy of Hartley Firth. And Lachlan, you're a big Fortnite guy too, right? I'm actually, I'm a big gamer. I'm big in the fortnight's. fear. I get the occasional dub, the old Victory Royal, as the kids say, judging by Hartley's

cringing. He knows exactly what I'm talking about. Not a Fortnite kid. Does this mean, Charles, that you and I are not the embarrassing older person in this chat? Well, let's just sit back and listen. So, wait a minute. I noticed that Hartley actually sort of cringed when you said Fortnight Island Three. Is that not, I thought that's what it's called. It's like Chapter 3. Okay, Fortnite Chapter 3, sorry. By the way, there is no expectation that any listener will understand any of what this is about, right? But is it good? Like, it's been out now for about 12 hours. Is it a good season? I'd say, so they changed some things. They added sliding. They added some cool stuff with like the Unreal Engine. And I think they're like

heading out into more using the Unreal Engine. They can get more stuff like Battlefield, which I think is an amazing game. And also like Apex Legends with the sliding. So they're basically stealing ideas from other games. Yeah, which I think definitely works and is going to make their game more popular. And the Unreal Engine is the sort of computer program behind the game, isn't it, that models the physics of the game. Yeah, yeah, precisely. And the thing that people don't understand about Fortnite, it's got a really rich story. There's good law and background to the Fortnite saga, isn't there? I just wish the listeners could see the look on Hartley's face right now. I would say, like, it's not that law sort of game.

It's Apex Legends has a lot more law. I thought Fortnite was just all about launching music products and selling you stuff. In-games nonsense. Yeah, isn't it, isn't that what Fortnite's about? So, like, I feel like a lot of it is about, like, doing collabs now way more than when it originally started. And I'm not a big fan of that, but the actual, like, core game is pretty fun now. And do your friends still play it, or have they all moved on?

Not really. Yeah, because you're 13 now, and it's more sort of for sort of 10 to 12 year olds, isn't it? Even younger. And 21-year-olds as well. I feel like if you're playing it casually, then it can be good for any age, but it's mostly filled with younger people, like me. And then... And then the few awkward Lockland types.

Thank you Hartley for just absolutely leaving me out to dry. about fortnight that charles has mentioned is the the commercialization of it that it's all about selling spider man's just joined fortnight because of the new movie coming out how much money have you spent on fortnight over the years too much too much okay well we were having an argument about this the other day i reckon it would be how much do you reckon it would be i would over the course of 28 seasons i think the tension is rising right now i think a thousand dollars I'd say 700. Oh, well, that's nothing.

You're not even trying. Basically, in summary, you've spent 700 bucks on a game that is now too young for you, is that right? Oh, no, I still like enjoy it. It's where the friends hang out to just play casually. I'm trying to figure out whether Hartley is more embarrassed by Lachlan or Charles at this point. I think it's a tie. Okay. He's just pointed at Charles.

So in summary, are you happy with the new expansion? Is it improved things or made them worse? I think it's definitely improved them. Would things be improved even more if Lachlan and Charles never talked about Fortnite ever again? Yes, definitely. Maybe Loughlin it's okay, but definitely my bad. So Hartley, I'm just wondering, after this year, I've got a lunch break.

Do you want to go for a duo? Go for a duo? Actually, make that trio. Make that a trio? Yeah, Angus, you're in? Okay, we'll play. Yeah, cool. I think it might be just the duo.

Is that right, Hartley? Is that right, Hartley's the two of them? Actually, Angus first left the game. The Chaser Report. More news. Less often. But this call strike is still on, which means we are still mining Charles's children for content. We just heard Hartley's review of Fortnite and review of why his dad and Lachlan are a bit daggy.

Now it's Angus's turn. Hello. So we thought that we would go back to an old segment that we had many years ago on Triple M radio, which was back then called The Ethical Dilemmas of a nine-year-old. And that was actually when my eldest son, Hartley, was nine. But now Angus is 11. So we're going to do a segment called The Ethical Dilemmas of an 11-year-old.

Of another 11-year-old? Yes. So, Angus, what's your first dilemma? What's your first question for us? Hmm. Would you rather die by a volcano or die by tsunami? We've got Zander here, by the way, just to give us some ethical perspective.

Okay, so that's a good question because drowning is actually supposed to be much nicer than fire, but I imagine fire would be much quicker. Tsunami or volcano, that's a really tough one. I think it's an interesting one. Like, at least you know when you die with a volcano, right? How you get kind of encased by the magma? Mm.

So like every few years, they're finding someone new at Pompeii and they're like, look, well, what this dude was doing, he was pooping when he died, you know? So he was screaming in pain when he died. What a surprise. His mouth's wide open. But then no one has to find your body, you know, compared to like when you die by a tsunami,

you're just going to be floating down the street and end up in Kev's backyard. Yeah. I think I'd like to dive by a tsunami because then at least I'd be at the beach. Or maybe you could just use a tsunami to lift you up to a volcano and die by a volcano. Oh, you could do both.

Well, actually, would the two cancel each other out? Like if there was a huge amount of water, would the volcano, love and make it evaporate and I'd be okay. Yeah. That's a great answer. It's both of the above. What would you die by, Hartley? I would, I think the drowning would be,

a horrible way to go, but with a tsunami, wouldn't you just get hit and then die? No, you will have to drown, and drowning takes about like 10 seconds. You'd be hit. There is a risk with a tsunami that you just get immediately knocked out. Well, the other thing is whenever there's a tsunami, what happens, if I understand correctly, is that the water goes way out. So you're at the beach. Yeah, so you're at the beach.

And then you're not at the beach. And you see there's endless sand dune. You're just in a desert. And I think that would be a really cool thing to see. Okay, what's the next question? Would you rather go five days without the internet or go two days without food and water? Oh, wow.

I think the water settles it for me. Unless I was in a tsunami and I knew I was about to get hit by a massive amount of water. Yeah, no, I think five days without the internet wouldn't be so bad. I would mean I wouldn't have to talk to anyone from the chase. Five days without internet is pretty easy, actually. And it's kind of a nice refreshing. I'm going to change you a little bit. You can go two days without food or water.

Still, I don't want any internet and much rather. have food and water but like yeah still would rather know internet for five days it's not really I actually I actually feel like no internet five days would dramatically improve my life actually well also if I had the internet I could just order food too no you can't order food it's cheating no internet just sounds like a good self-improvement routine this has been it honestly useful and because I think I'm going to this summer spend five days without internet just eating and drinking yeah it sounds like an amazing summer okay okay okay would you rather rate the chaser four

or rate the chase a five. Ooh, that's a big dilemma. I think definitely five. Five on this segment alone. What would you say? Well, the thing is, it would be a five, except my dad is also in the podcast,

so it's going to have to be a four for me. On that insulting note, our gear is from road microphones, and we are part of the ACAST creator network. And we invite you to leave a review on Apple Podcasts, and look, take Hartley's advice. I think docking a, Start for Charles makes total sense.

No!