The Chaser Report - Can CIA Assassins Be Trusted?

Episode Date: September 16, 2024

Donald Trump has survived yet another attempt on his life. This brings Dom and Andrew to the conclusion that the CIA either isn't very good at protection from assassins, or conducting secretive assassinations themselves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with me, Dom and with Andrew Hanson. Hello, Andrew. How are you? Good day to you, Dominic Knight. I'm pretty good. I'm alive and well. Are you alive and well? I am alive and well, but how can you possibly feel good, feel positive about the world? at a time when Donald J. Trump, former president of the United States, has had another assassination

attempt. This has just happened earlier today. We'll try and puzzle together what we know. It's shocking, Andrew, because once is a rogue incident, once they're getting to think. Twice as care. He's careless. Is that what you're going to say? Is that the thing they say about these things? Oscar Wilde. Yeah, yeah. But he is alive and well like us, though. That's why I feel happy. I mean, he's fine, right? He's alive and well. He's alive and well. He's alive and well. And, I mean, it's no thanks to the United States Secret Service at this point, Andrew, that they fired on the suspect. But how did anyone with a gun get anywhere near Donald Trump?

It's truly bizarre. We'll try and figure out what we know shortly. And then this is beginning to fit into a worrying trend, Andrew, in some respects, which is that assassins in the United States, and thank goodness Donald Trump wasn't killed. Let's be clear. We don't want him killed. The best place for him to be is in jail, isn't it? He'd be safer there, too.

It'd be not safe for there. feel like if they just put him there, then he'd be fine, and we wouldn't have to worry about these things happening anymore. Well, he would be fine unless he was put in the same cell as Jeffrey Epstein, which some might say, given their close association over many years, that might be an interesting place for him to end up in the... Maybe not that particular, you know, that cell doesn't have the greatest track record, but I'm sure there are other much more safer cells that he could live comfortably in.

And I presume the Secret Service would have to protect him in prison, so I guess he's a full President. So maybe that's the one place that I can actually put him, keep him safe. So we don't want him to go to jail because of any of the crimes he's being convicted of. No, just for safekeeping, Andrew, until after the election happens. I think so, Donnie. I think so, Tommy. And his supporters, I'm sure, would be on board with this because he would just keep him safe and well. And we know what he eats, you know. I could imagine, you know, with his love of hamburgers and dislike of salads,

I imagine the prison food is probably good for him. He'd like, he'd enjoy the food. Just send him a McDonald's. delivery. That's fine. That's all you need to do. Okay, so we'll talk about what we know about this shortly, and then the history of assassinations, because it's fair to say that despite all the conspiracy theories, it is true that the CIA, for instance, is not very good at killing people when they want to. So could this be, therefore, the work of the CIA? We'll find out very shortly. Okay, so Donald Trump's at his golf course, Andrew, in West Palm Beach, Florida.

I had no idea that he ever spent time on a golf course. I thought he was a very busy. man. That's news news to me. He's such a hardworking man. It's surprising he found any time to play golf, but he did somehow manage to squeeze it into the schedule. And New York Times has the FBI saying, an assassination attempt. The man fled in a black Nissan, but it was eventually taken into custody. This is a guy standing with a rifle at the perimeter of the course. So, I mean, full credit to the Secret Service, Andrew, for figuring out this time, they should actually secure the perimeter in some way, unlike in Butler. Has anyone ever said that, though? Has anyone ever said secure the perimeter? I don't know. It's a new phrase people say.

It's a whole new idea in kind of protective details. The perimeter of a golf course is big though, Domit. It's one thing. If he played tennis, you know, if he was just, if he was a tennis player, instead of a golf player, there'd be a much smaller perimeter. Very good point. Much

more easy to secure. He could play squash. There's only one wall. Exactly. Or better still, a really small game, like just snakes and ladders. Yes or chess. They could easily secure the perimeter of the board. And there'd be no safety gaps, I think. Or hungry, hungry hippos would be appropriate as well.

Yes. It's kind of got the frenetic pace that would suit Trump, I think. He would like that. Hungry, hungry hippos. Never satisfied. That's right. So basically what they figured out, apparently. So a Secret Service agent standing a hole or two away from Donald Trump

at the Trump International Golf Course West Palm Beach, I'm sure. A world-class course, Andrew, Donald Trump would say. They spotted 400 yards away, a man hiding in shrubbery by a fence at the perimeter of the course and he had with him a semi-automatic rifle with a scope several backpacks which contained ceramic tile why do you think he'd bring ceramic tile to a potential assassination right maybe he might have been on his way to work he might have been a tyler

could have been might have been might have worked for Frank Walker's national tiles it could have yes been on his way to do some tiling international tiles at this point yes quite possibly maybe he was heading home maybe he stopped off at Barning on the way, because presumably in the American, what is it, Home Depot, you can get a semi-automatic rifle with a scope, I imagine. When you pick up your tiles, that's right. Yeah, he's just grabbed the rifle in the same shop.

And a video camera. A video camera that he wanted to use, apparently, they think, to film it, which is very troubled. Who would have a video camera in 2024? No, and, I mean, oh, look, people, you've got to get off the social. Don't film all your experiences. You know, if you're going to assassinate somebody, which I don't recommend you do, to begin with.

But if you do, you don't have to film it, just enjoy the experience. For heaven's sake, you don't, you know, don't be distracted by trying to get it on your phone. Be present. Be present in the moment. Yes, yes, you could have to savor these things. They don't happen every day. It's true. All right, so they haven't killed this one. They have arrested the man.

And I think basically the Secret Service agent fired at the man and he fled to it to the Nissan car. And the witness, her witness saw, took photos of the car and shared it with law enforcement. So they've actually tracked him down. Now, this man, Ralph, his name is, Ryan Wesley Ralph of age 58 of Hawaii, seems quite quirky, may I say, Andrew. Yeah, I don't know anything about Mr Ralph. Can you enlighten me? So he wanted to fight in Ukraine. He was interviewed in 2023 by the New York Times, and this guy traveled to Ukraine, and he wanted to just help out in the war.

So this is a guy looking for battles, basically. That's an extraordinary thing for somebody who lives in paradise today. I mean, it was Hawaii not nice enough for him. It's like, I'm going to get out of this shit hole. This is too idyllic. I'd rather go to my boss. So this is what's going on. It's not entirely clear what the motivation is.

But it makes me wonder, Andrew, I normally dismiss conspiracy theories. Oh, you're harsh. You're a skeptie or an unfairly skeptical man, Donald. But I think I am being unfair because maybe they are out to get Donald Trump. I mean, why would the Republican pro-gun candidate be the one who keeps getting potential assassins in his vicinity? It's very strange. Yeah, I know. Look, I can't get my head around that part of it, but maybe they're demonstrating the effectiveness of the weapons by showing how effective the Secret Service are at, you know, shooting the assassin.

Oh, so you think the Secret Service maybe it's a false flag? They're trying to restore the brand because they took a hit in Butler, didn't they? Butler, Pennsylvania, they did a fairly terrible job of securing the obvious rooftop that overlooked the side of his speech. Are we securing rooftops now, not perimeter? See, maybe the rooftop didn't have a perimeter. That's right. That's literally what it was.

In Butler, the perimeter that they defined did not include the obvious rooftop overlooking the side of the stage. So it's a place where you would have put a spotlight if you needed one, and they didn't bother to secure the rooftop. Well, they need to change the phrase then in these movies, don't they? They now need to say, secure the bar. perimeter and the rooftop. They've got to add the rooftop, I think. Are there any other things they should add? And the sidewalk and the car park. Any obvious location from which you could fire at Donald

Trump. Yeah, secure that. Secure that. That's right. I mean, that said Andrew, it's always, it's hard to judge. We shouldn't rush to judge, should we? We've never been in protective detail. And as you say, golf courses are by their nature. Fucking big. They're big, they're wobbly. The fences are all over the place. They, you know, they don't have straight edges. You know, Some of them are next to roads with traffic. It would be very hard to secure some of those places, I think. Yes. Yes.

It's a pity that didn't let him go and fight in Ukraine, isn't it? That could have avoided some problems. He would have been far away. It wouldn't have been a golf course. Would he? He would have been identified by the Russians immediately, I presume. Yeah. I think so.

I think so. All right. So that's where we are. We don't know what the guy's motives were. One doesn't like to speculate. Well, I imagine his motive was to shoot Donald Trump. Wasn't that the motive? It's pretty obvious, isn't it?

Maybe he didn't, he's not supportive enough of Ukraine. I don't know what's going on. But we do know that there's a troubling, not in this case, fortuitous, I suppose you could say. But American assassins are not great at doing their thing, it seems. And in the case of former President Donald Trump, sure, we don't want him killed, of course not. But my question, Andrew, is that given that Australia's entire defence, our national security relies on America, have we allied with bozos, with incompetent shooters? Yeah. Because they're assassins are.

absolutely terrible shots, aren't they? And the Secret Service are late? Like, are we going to be in a situation where we're under the American security blanket? But they've just, they've slipped. They're not paying attention. They didn't secure the perimeter. Well, this is worrying. If we're expecting them to secure the perimeter of Australia, that's even being going to go, of course. Isn't that our one thing? If we have pine gap at enough American bases, they'll bother to defend us if we need it. Isn't that the whole strategy? Well, I'm bloody hoping, Dommy. I'm hoping they will, Dommy. But you've got to be worried now because you're quite right now that you've pointed out that they miss all the time, then that is pretty worrying. Their assassins are no good. The Secret Service is no good. I mean, yeah, for a nation who loves guns, you'd think they'd be probably better at shooting things. Well, there used to be so many assassinations, didn't there?

I mean, multiple Kennedys, regrettably. The two brothers were both assassinated. And there hasn't been a successful one in a very long time. I mean, on one. On one level, of course, we don't want leaders being assassinated. But in a gun-mad culture where people take shots all the time, it is, it is odd, isn't it? Well, kind of. But then again, Donnie, I mean, to play the devil's advocate, isn't it rather difficult to assassinate somebody?

I mean, it's quite a challenging thing to do. And it's not as if you get much practice, you know, there aren't courses. I don't think you can roll in a tape and get a, you know, get a grad cert in assassination. Unless you're in the Secret Service, of course. In which case you should be good at it. Well, I guess maybe they get taught. But they're not really assassinating people. You know, they're defending people.

Well, I mean, let's take a look. I mean, are there examples of worse assassination attempts? There are. The level of competence is very worrying. Let's take a look at a moment at the US attempts to assassinate Fidel Castro. The Chaser Report. News you know you can't trust. Andrew, this whole thing of assassins are not really successfully assassinating their targets.

The best example of it really is Fidel Castro. Yeah, I mean, now he survived at least a couple, didn't he, Domney? Many, many attempts by the CIA to assassinate him. And frankly, the fact that he was able to die of natural causes at a very advanced stage is it just goes to show that the emperor has no clothes when it comes to the US attempting to assassinate people. They're hopeless at it. Or he has very strong, thick clothes. The protect him from the assassination attempts, maybe.

The emperor has Kevlar vests or something. I don't know. Did Castro, I assume Castro went about wearing those things, did he? I don't think so. He wore that sort of military guard. Apparently there were 634 attempts on his life, NBC News said. He's rather a lot. That's sort of like one a week, isn't it?

You know, for his whole life. And sensitively, NBC News ran a list of the seven most bizarre ones right after he died as a form of tribute. Oh, well, that's a nice way to be remembered, isn't it? As a survivor. Top seven failed assassination attempts. That's a good list. It's a good list.

Let's run through it. And what a touching tribute, yes. The man died at the age of 90. Oh, his assassins would be so annoyed, I mean, that'd be so frustrating, wouldn't it? So the first one, Andrew, is such a cliche of this sort of thing that I'm surprised that it's real. Apparently in 1960, the CIA poisoned a box of his cigars. So the whole sort of exploding cigar prank thing.

Oh, wow. And he's kind of known. I mean, Cubans are known for cigars. They have them for breakfast, lunch and dinner. So Fidel constantly puffed on a stogie. He was a main source of nutrition. Wasn't it a cigar for him? To the age of 90, despite his.

And so, yes, they spiked the cigars, a box of cigars with a botulinum toxin, strong enough to kill anyone who put it in their mouth. And it was delivered to an unidentified person in 1961. and it's unclear what happened after that. So, look, maybe they were intercepted and fed to dissidents in jail. Congratulations, you've got a cigar. Oh, yeah, or it could just be like one of those failed Australia post deliveries where, you know, it ended up on the wrong person's porch. I don't know whether Cuba's version of Australia Post.

Oh, it's Cuba Post. Yeah, that's right. I imagine. So that didn't work. Yeah. Then, so this was in 1960. Months before the cigars, the CIA tried to hire two gangsters. to help get rid of Castro.

So this is sort of in the middle of the kind of mob war. And there's two members of the FBI's most wantedly, 10 most wanted list. Sam Jan Kana from Chicago and Santos Traficant. What a great name for a criminal mastermind. Traffic Kunt. I beg your pardon? Yes, Santos.

Trafficant was the head of the mafia's Cuban operation. Right. And the CIA was tried to hire them. It was willing to pay the modern equivalent of $1.2 million to get Castro bumped off. Oh, so about the, the price of an apartment in an outer suburb now in Australia. Yes. Or maybe half an apartment, just the sort of bathroom. Yeah.

That's right. It could be worth it for some people. Indeed. So this guy, Jan Kan, the boss of the Chicago mob, said, look, you don't want guns with this sort of thing. You want poison pills. And so the CIA provided six pills to a cash-trapped Cuban official who had access to Castro, apparently.

And this Cuban got cold feet and pulled out of the plan. Do we know why? Well, you know, it's a tropical country that I would have thought. feet would never get cold down the way. I don't know. It's not clear as where this idea came from. Maybe he didn't fancy the idea of moving from Cuba to half an apartment in the outer suburbs of Adelaide. Quite possibly.

But also, I don't know, the mafia have never ever been known to use poison pills. Don't they like machine guns? I think they go bad. I don't think they did their best work that day. More than that. Worse than that. You know, butcher's shop knives and, you know, what are those things called? that you chop up meat with a clea cleavers you know that's more mafia isn't it or dump them

in a rubbish truck or something yeah he's dissolving them in acid and things like that didn't really try there i think this is my favorite uh in 1963 so the CIA thought look let's not deal with these uh Cuban intermediaries let's get straight to it and what they tried to do I don't know that this ever actually happened but they were quite advanced with this concept they wanted to hide explosives inside a large seashell and then paint the seashel with exotic colors so that when Castro went scuba diving which apparently he loved

he would go, oh, what a magnificent shell and go over and open it up and then boom, a booby trap. They wanted to paint the seashell. What colors did they pat like rainbow? I presume Chekavara's face. I don't know what. Or maybe the Virgin Mary.

I don't know what you'd do, but exotic colors it says. Some Castro. Maybe just a cigar, maybe a great big picture of a cigar on the, on the seashell. How big was the sea shot? Like, it was talking about one of those giant clams or something else. There's a large seashell. Yeah, like big enough for an explosion. Because, I mean, how a bomb would have to be fairly.

But you couldn't just put it inside a typical Sydney rock oyster or something, could you? No, this has got to be a waterproof bomb too. And I just, no matter how much you hate somebody, Andrew. I think for someone's last words to be, oh, what a lovely shell. It's a bit villainous, isn't it? If it's Vladimir Putin, I wouldn't want him assassinated with the words. Oh, what a lovely shell, I think I'll take a look. And how did they make sure that they'd put the shell?

I mean, they're putting it at the bottom of the ocean. How did they make sure that Castro was actually going to go diving in that exact spot? And no one else. No one else. No other shell-loving people. So apparently, this idea, and I quote here, was discarded as impractical. Oh, what a shame. Oh, I wanted them to go ahead.

The point being, Andrew, the CIA tried everything that could possibly think of to kill Fedor for Castro and he lived to the age of 90. Well, it goes to show if you want a long life, just piss off the CIA. So I think the great news for Donald Trump is it. All these attempts may continue, but he's going to be just fine. I just wouldn't go scuba diving and pick up any coloured shells, Mr President. Good advice for anybody. Yes, indeed.

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