The Chaser Report - Capitalism Fixed It! | Adele*

Episode Date: November 22, 2021

Due to their amazing network of connections, and through the blessing of Channel 7's incompetence, The Chaser Report has been given an exclusive chat with Adele! John shares the story behind the stuff-up. Meanwhile Dom shares some sad news for fans of coal, but good news for fans of capitalism solving climate change like Scott Morrison predicted. Plus all the latest headlines from Rebecca De Unamuno. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today's episode of The Chaser Report, brought to you by The Dog Park. Look at them go, isn't it? Do you reckon it's kind of cool how, like, they don't even know each other, and they're just, like, all over each other and, like, his best friends. Yeah. It's just like I was about to, like, sniff your bum or something. Oh, whoa. Like, not really.

It's just like dogs. Right, I love dogs. Yeah. They are cute, aren't they? Please sleep with me. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Man, that chili's bringing so much up out of my phlegmy lungs. Keep that in in the cut, Lachlan.

Hello, and welcome to the Chaser Report for Tuesday, the 23rd of November, 2021. We have Alexa. We have Alexa Vulevich. We have Gabby Bolt. My name is Domney. Are you okay, Alexa, before we get into this? I'm all right. I'd be worse for other reasons if I didn't have the chili.

Okay, all right. Charles is off touring around the country. And so we have a very chilly impeded Alexa with us, but frankly still ahead of having Charles. You know how from Glasgow, our big strategy is raised. Big strategy was that we were going to continue selling coal. Yeah. We didn't have to do anything.

We're very good at it. And the government's theory was that as, you know, as the transition happened, the price of coal would go up and up and up, and we would make more and more money in the years ahead. That's one thing we said. We also said, let's just get out of the way. The government's not going to do anything.

Capitalism and technology is going to solve this whole thing. It'll fix it. Yeah. Well, it turns out capitalism and technology have a plan. And their plan, I quote the Finn Review here, by the way. Here's the headline, coal-killing fund to start buying power stations next year. And what's happening is that the Asian Development Bank. So, in other words, a merchant bank is buying coal-fired power stations.

and shutting them the fuck down. Wow, what a power move. Yeah. So they're representing the Japanese and the Danish government, HSBC, and Jeff Bezos, the Rockefeller family, and the IKEA Foundation. So big capitalism is shutting down coal-fied power stations. Exactly as we planned. This is perfect.

It's great. So we are totally fucked. Like our biggest market is Southeast Asia. And the first place where this is going to happen is apparently, in Indonesia and the Philippines, two of our biggest potential markets. So this group is going to buy up the coal-fired power stations and close them down. They can do that more cheaply than continuing to run them and make a profit. Nice.

Well, I reckon we should just start up a go-fund me for the coal industry. That's a great idea. Yeah, then Gina Reinhart can just transparently put all of her money there. And we'll all know about it. I think what we should be doing is just like frantically looking for new uses for coal. We've got all this coal and no one's burning it anymore. we can make ornaments out of it or like... Yeah.

Yeah, maybe Santa can stop being a little pussy and actually give some of it out to the shitty children. Yeah, because like lumps of coal traditionally seen is a bad thing in the stocking, but what if it was a good thing? Now it's a present. Yeah, now it's a hot commodity. Because, like, people draw with charcoal. Kids draw with charcoal.

I want to just draw... Forget the charcolle. Let's just draw with coal. Yeah, beauty industry had an obsession with charcoal for a while there. Yes, charcoal toothpaste. Yeah, cold toothpaste. Yeah, maybe we could make chairs, like sit on a throw.

of coal. Oh no, that's just Scott Morrison's living room. So basically what I'm saying is that our economic future, our big plan, is not going to work because of capitalists. That sounds about right for our country, doesn't that? We were trying to ride on the coal lump of coal's back. It's not going to work out. It's a bumpy ride. My favorite detail about this story from the Finn is that the Asian Development Bank, right, this huge organisation that's government's basically owned it and invest in the region. Australia has a 4.9% vote

in the Asian Development Bank. So we actually have a seat at the table. God. But everyone else is just going, no. None for you. Not going to do it. To get that vote,

we're paying for this, right? So we're putting our money towards this organisation that's buying up coal plants and shutting them down. We're presumably, yeah, we're investing in shutting down coal plants through the Asian Development Bank.

It sounds like there's jobs in shutting down coal plants. I think I'm a natural at shutting places down. They should hire me. Oh yeah. What have you shut down in the park? Well, I mean, it's a, it's a long job here at the chaser, but I've just been leaving the air conditioning and the lights on every time I leave the office. Oh, that's you. Yeah, yeah. I've been copping the blame for that. I've been paid by the Asian Development Bank to get rid of this. Coming up on today's episode, John's going to take a look at an amazing trip to interview Adele. Didn't quite work out so well for that journey. Oh, yeah.

You know, I mean, obviously Australia is not doing that great with Adele interviews, but we've managed to secure a pretty good one. So, yeah, that's coming up later. But first, here's Rebecca Deunamuno in the Chase and Newsroom. A Channel 7 reporter has been suspended following their botched Adele interview after the network discovered it would have been a full broadcast without any racism. Pauline Hansen has failed to pass a bill in the Senate today aiming to ban the vaccine mandate. However, the bill failed when Pauline herself withdrew her vote after

realizing that the 12% of unvaccinated Australians are technically a minority. And finally, with Christmas around the corner, a local supermarket has gotten into the festive spirit by putting up decorations. Store managers have reported saying it's never too early to get into the Easter spirit. That's the latest chasing. Headlines, I'm Rebecca Dayunamuno, but you can call me Daddy. This episode of The Chase Report is brought to you by The Dog Park. Oh, oh, oh, it's much of an awkward, isn't it, really? Oh, my God.

Like, if you ever thought about how they crossbre? Like, my chihuahua and your Rottweiler, like, how would that even fucking happen? Who's going where? My chihuahua is a man. How is he even reaching? Like, how does that work? Yeah. Do they, like, wank on?

one dog and then put in another dog to make a cross breed dog like what's going like do you think about that he he just he likes the other side of the park it's his favorite okay well you keep you ruminate on that of course a lovely chihuahua bye chaser rider john del menico joins us now for an adele update hello john hi are you an adele super fan like gabby here i am i was very excited to hear that Channel 7 spent a million dollars and booked an interview with her. Me too. I mean, she's worth it. Interview, only two of the kind of going to be done in the world, one by Channel 7 and one by Oprah.

Oh, how exciting. How exciting that we got that opportunity. When I think of television legends, I do think of Channel 7 and Oprah as being on the same. That's the top table, isn't it, of World Television. Yeah. This sadly has been a slight hiccup, though. Oh, no. What's happened?

So there's been an issue because Weekend Sunrise hosts and guy who is not a music journalist, Matt Duran has made a little tiny slip up while doing his interview. What did he do? Did he ask inappropriate personal questions? Did his pants rip? So the questions were supposed to be

deeply personal, Dom. Which was the whole point of the interview. Yeah, of course. They flew him out to London. After the 24-hour flight, he did the interview. Nice. And during the interview, Adele asked if he had listened to the album.

Right. You'd think. Yeah, which obviously he spent the entire plane and write either just on repeat. You know, as a journalist, you would. Yeah, because they also send, they'd not only send, like, albums. They also send big information packages for these sorts of interviews. Of course.

To make sure that exclusive, like, information comes out. But sadly, he said he didn't listen to the album beforehand. As if you admit it. Honest reporting at the panel seven. He told Adele. Adele said, did you listen to the album? And he said, no. She asked if he liked it and he said he hadn't heard it.

Oh. You're kidding. You're kidding. You're actually kidding. I'd paid a million bucks and he didn't listen to the album. What did he think was going to happen? He had 24 hours on the plane and he didn't bother to crack it out. You know what?

I wouldn't know what he cracked out instead of that album. Like what made the cut? What made the playlist? Like the guy's on the plane for 24 hours and he's like, you know what? I know I have to listen to that Adele album, but you know what hits pretty good? April Sun and Cuba. Like, let's just listen to that on repeat. There's a new sting.

What do you mean? You didn't listen to the album? Oh, my. I could have conducted that interview better than him. What was her reaction? What happened? She's walked out and she took the tapes with her. Because in their contract, she could take the tapes.

Bad bitch behavior. I love it. They would have had a veto. A star like Adele, you get a veto after an interview. And you get to keep the million dollars. Yes. Because they paid you for your time. I assume she probably would have had hair and makeup done and like a bunch of people.

Like a whole team had to get paid. If I was Adele, I do a million dollar interview and drop like an album maybe a couple seconds before. Have you listened to 31? What? Have you listened to 30 and a half? Fucking hell. No, I think, like, that's totally warranted. I mean, I'd probably do that to somebody who'd come to talk to me about my show.

And if they hadn't seen my show, I'd be like, well, what the fuck are you doing here? I'd feel like, if you're Adele, it'd be the only person in the world who hasn't, like, listened to your stuff. I just can't, this is just, I can't believe this happened. I can't believe this happened. I think it stacks up with Channel 7's general reporting. They're not meant to listen to albums. They're meant to listen to whatever war criminals tell them. Yeah, true.

True, true. Or like racist rhetoric, you know. They love that. They study that pretty well too. Maybe there were white supremacist's podcasts you had to listen to on the fly. Not that I'm saying he's a white supremacist because I don't want to get sued by some idiot who didn't listen to an Adele album. I mean, I actually don't mind that legal defense.

Feel free to sue us. Yeah. I may have made this claim, but you didn't fucking listen to the album before you interviewed Adele, you idiot. Do you have to listen to the podcast to Sue Us? Oh, yes. So there'd been no chance. Yeah.

And, well, to be fair, if the interviews keep going the way this Adel one, did they're not going to have the money for the defamation case anyway. Hang on a second, John, Dominica. You said there's no chance that he's going to listen to this podcast. But haven't you been interacting with this very gentleman on a website called Twitter.com? No. Well, no.

So, well, I have tweeted at him directly. making fun of old posts he put up hyping up an upcoming interview that he did in London so sadly he has been suspended for this because I'm assuming the interview wasn't going to be racist enough for Channel 7th so he's had a two-week suspension

for costing over a million but people were sending tweets to Matt Durand, the ABC journalist who just happens to have the same name and so he's put it out a joke with some Adele lyrics like acknowledging what's happening

and so I like playing along with the joke tweeted out like tweeted a meme like me when I blow a $1 million interview but News Corp has jumped in

Of course they have If anyone knows about fact checking it's News Corp And honest reporting So News.com.com.com. You did an article specifically about people not understanding

the ABC journalist's joke And the first example they used as someone not getting the joke was me Oh, that's different That's defamatory. Let's sue. We have the money now.

I did say that if I was one of the kind of guy's abused defamation law, not a reference to anyone in particular. Of course not. Just a broad idea. Of course. And the way I did that was by changing my name on my Twitter profile, because once again, they embedded my tweets onto their website. Oh, yes, you played this game before.

So what did you change your name to? I've done quite a few this time, because the second time around, I had a bit more of a handle of what to do and knew I used to play around with it. So the first ones I did was like, here we go again, round two. This course still hasn't learned their lesson. And then I just went with like classic stuff like

pay tax you can't. What was the best one this time around, John? I think maybe I changed my profile picture to a drawing of Sonic and Mario kissing. Nice. I realized my profile picture will be on there as well. Nice. Well, I must say when I talk to you, John, I do think of Mario and Sonic Pashing.

Oh, thank you. John, can you get in touch with Matt Duran during his suspension and make a, like a fake email or something? Maybe just be from Elton John or someone lovely, some legend, and just be like, Matt, I heard about your plight. It's happened to us all. Why don't you have an exclusive interview with me instead to make up? Yeah, that'll work. Who else? You could be, Ed Sheeran.

Well, I'd assume it'd be like a dead celebrity, like, predilepsy. like Freddie Mercury or science to see if he does his research. Yeah, nice. I've heard great things about this musician. So, a million bucks and no interview is quite extraordinary. Great name for a show though, isn't it?

Channel 7. The worst part is, I'm assuming it would have gone on like weekend sunrise, so it's not like people are going to watch it anyway. Yeah. Why would you spend a million dollars for a weekend sunrise interview? Well, yes, you would think that someone

with a passing interest in Adele perhaps would have been someone to see on this interview. Yeah, I did see this guy's previous work. because a journalist has been as a crime journalist. Oh, well, he'll report on his own doing in about a month. He can investigate the theft of a million dollars from Channel 7 by his negligence. Today's episode of The Chaser Report is brought to you by The Dog Park. Oh, no, no, no.

Excuse me, he's having sex with my dog. Can you just get... Sorry, it's all right. He's nudity. No, your husband is fucking my dog. Can you get him off? So we've been talking a lot about Adele in this episode. Yeah.

And Gabby, I hear you've got a special guest for the end of the show. I wasn't going to say this because I wasn't actually sure that my legal counsel would allow it. But, yeah, I'm actually collaborating with Adele. Seriously? Yeah, massive. The Adele. Yeah, she reached out after that fucking train wreck of an interview. And she said, you know what, there's only one person for the job.

And it's you, Gabby. No way. Yeah, so I've actually, I hope you guys don't mind. She's actually here. Bring her in. Okay, I will. Oh, she had warned me. I was horrible.

Addie. Adele, baby. She's on Addie. Come on in. Terms with Adele. She's coming in. Hello, it's Adele in it. Hi, great to be here.

Adele, it's so wonderful to meet you. Yeah, I'm definitely here and I'm not overseas. Oh, it sounds just like you. It must be you. It's Adele in it. Yeah, no, I've got Gabby to help me write a new version of my hit song. Which hit song is that? Well, it's the one that your reporter didn't want to learn.

Go easy on me. But I've changed it so that no one has to research me ever again. This is wonderful. Are you saying that there is a song parody of Adele's Go Easy on Me? Yeah, it's legally all a bit... But it's here. It's a parody, but it's performed by the original artist. That's so rare, isn't Alexa?

It's Adele. Like it would be as though if we'd our Yankevig and it had gotten Michael Jackson to perform fat, rather than, this is fantastic. This has never been done before. Does this not feel a bit strange to you, Dom? I mean, this is an audio medium, so I can't see who this is.

Yes, Adele. What do you mean? I mean, in the spirit of improv, we've got to say, yes, go with the offer. It's Adel. What's not to believe? It's me. I've won like 70 million Grammys. It's Adel.

Okay, before we hear from the person who's definitely Adele performing a song, I just need to legally point out that song parodies are legal in Australia there's a parody and sad our exception to the Copyright Act but outside of Australia it is not legal probably to share this so if you're not listening in Australia

just hit stop now okay can you it's on you it's not on us I think that's how the law works if they don't press stop they indemnify us I'm pretty sure and I can sue you I was sure it wasn't Adela I always thought she had a Jamaican accent all right

play us out play the tune Adel hopefully not in a Jamaican I can accent, this is Adele. Before we go, Aguice from Road Microphones are part of the ACAS creator network. I can't believe we've got Adele. There ain't no way I'm hearing these words. I have been sad in this press room forever.

I know there is hope in most reporters. But Channel 7 has the habit of hiring war criminals and white supremacists. Do your research on me, baby. It's a long-ass flight. Thought you'd get the chance to. Here my fucking apple Paid a million bucks To not give a fuck

So do your research on me Thank you.