The Chaser Report - Charles reckons you can use Bluetooth in space!

Episode Date: May 9, 2024

In yet another outlandish and implausible claim, Charles claims scientists have figured out how to use Bluetooth beyond the Earth’s atmosphere. Having used Bluetooth within the Earth’s atmosphere, Dom is sceptical. But if it works, what else could we use Space Bluetooth (tm) for? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Yes, and today we've got another welcome to the future podcast for you. This sits on its own feed as well because goodness me does Charles have a big claim to make about technology today? Bluetooth. Bluetooth. The endlessly unreliable shortwave connection device named after, if I remember, a Danish king or something for,

for absolutely no discernible reason. But I think the problem with Bluetooth, besides the fact that it doesn't work... I mean, there's just... The idea that there's only one is optimistic, but yeah. And, well, besides the various problems with Bluetooth, that being it doesn't connect to anything, even though its whole job is to connect the things,

and isn't work. Yeah. But besides those minor, minor, minor, minor problems, I think the actual problem with Bluetooth is that people just haven't thought big enough. Oh, really? Like they haven't been ambitious enough for what Bluetooth could possibly achieve. So just the idea of having your headphones connecting to your phone or maybe... Yes.

I mean, the whole problem is that's small fry for Bluetooth. That's like peasant fodder. Pescent Bluetooth? Yeah, that's like, oh, I think Bluetooth this whole time has been going, no, no, give me something better to do. give me something more important than connecting your headphones to your phone. Right. So I don't want to do that.

Like if you had some sort of mission critical use, let's say, let's say there was a medical device that could save your life that relied on Bluetooth. Your hypothesis charge is that the technology would step up and become more reliable given the gravity of the occasion. Yes, exactly. That is a massive call. It wants to go up the stack. It wants to not be at the bottom of the stack, oh, fucking Bluetooth.

It wants to be something that people go, oh my God, you know, if this device had Bluetooth, it would be the most amazing thing in the world. And I think there is one company that has dared to dream, Tom. Really? And we're going to talk about it. Someone's put all their eggs into the basket that is, the poorest basket that is Bluetooth. They've just raised $20 million on their first round of funding on this idea. Okay.

And it's a pretty amazing thing that they've done. Should I tell you, or should we have an ad breakers? No, let's make some money. Okay, so this is what they've done. For the first time ever, and I know that this might seem something like no one would ever think of trying to attempt to do. I hope you're building up something big.

This is one of those things where it's just like, they've figured out how to have a Bluetooth-enabled, like, Coca-Cola can or something. That would be very disappointing. No, no, this is big. This is big. For the first time ever, a Bluetooth device has managed to connect and communicate with a satellite in space 650 kilometers away.

No, it hasn't. Yes, it has. How is that even conceptually possible? Right. It's a short wave radio system of all the things. What technology could we use to ping that satellite? Bluetooth would be at the bottom of the list. Like Bluetooth, I don't understand.

Look, it is true. There is a bit of skepticism. Yes. From amongst the community of people known as physicists. Yeah, and amongst the community known as anyone who's ever used Bluetooth. But the funniest thing is, in all the reporting on this, because it's actually happened. Well, this company has climbed. This company called Hubble Networks.

It's a very humble name for a, for a, for a, startup. I assume named after Hamish and Andy's set-top box. Yeah, yeah, exactly. What they've done is they've managed to modify Bluetooth with a software update to make it into, so it's literally off the shelf.

It's like a 3.5 millimeter Bluetooth connection and they managed to modify it in some way using software that actually allowed it to communicate with a satellite that they sent up in space. So I don't know what this software is.

So Bluetooth can have a range of 650 kilometres just as long as has had a little software update. Can they fix my phone? That's their whole point. My car? There's no, they don't need, you don't need to buy any new technology. You should be able to just, we'll all be connecting to satellites using the Bluetooth connectors. Charles, have they, you do live shows. Have you tried using a Bluetooth pointer to control a PowerPoint show that's two metres away?

We've got a radio one because we had to buy it. radio one because all the Bluetooth ones didn't work. Because you press click. You click it just doesn't work at all. And you're saying that if there was only a software update, I can have my laptop in Melbourne and control it from Sydney. So the funny thing is that on the website, when it's explaining this technology,

one of the things that it says is that the Bluetooth at a technical level theoretically has a, you know, the current Bluetooth devices, theoretically have a range of one kilometer. Theoretically. Yeah. And you're just going, no, it doesn't. It's got like three centimetres. It's absurd.

But no, no, but they've managed to do it. And, but the whole funny thing is, why? Why would you do this? Why would you, why would you, you know, it's like the sunk cost fallacy. Why would you chase your losses on such a terrible technology anyway? But the answer is quite interesting, right? Which is they're saying, okay, well, what we can do is if we can just use Bluetooth, then, you know, you can put a whole lot of sensors in a whole lot of different things

and then our satellites can ping it and you can, because it's not, you're not going to use it for sort of communicating, you know, you're not going to listen into the satellite with your headphones. I'm very skeptical. As someone who has regularly kept my AirPods in while, moving from the room, my computers into another room and lost connection. But Charles, let's just go

with this. Let's imagine that this is true and you can have a Bluetooth world where things have a range of 650 kilometres. Let's say that that actually exists. Can you imagine trying to connect your new phone to your car and searching for devices and every satellite in the sky

and every other Bluetooth device? Every other Bluetooth device. Within a 600 kilometer radius is being big. Constantly. That's a disaster. I don't think they've thought this through, have they. No, they haven't.

Anyway. I will say one thing, though, Charles, and I haven't tried this out yet, but I am curious when it comes to satellites that these new iPhones can actually supposedly connect to them for emergency purposes. So I was on a bushwalk,

like up in Queensland a few weeks ago, and it came up, my iPhone came up with the little satellites here. We didn't have any. actual coverage. Yeah. And then it came up with a little thing on it saying that... Satellite thing where it says, yeah.

That you're now in satellite range or something. Yeah, so if you point it up towards the sky, you can send your location. But it sends it the other thing I'm curious about with the Bluetooth, is that that technology, it sends an incredibly small amount of data. It just sends your GPS location in that seat or something like that. Yes, and I think that that is what this company is saying. Right. This is not going to be for, you know, downloading...

Right. So you can't stream it. You can't stream it, you can't stream a Kendrick Lamar disk from the nearest satellite tier, Bluetooth headphones. But what they are saying is, and one of the use cases that they mention is, you could put it into a GPS watch,

you could put it into your child's watch, and then if your child goes missing, it can ping the satellite and then you know where your child is, right? I mean, that would be great if the same technology weren't going to be immediately used by every creepy stalker. Remember with air tags?

What happened? It's a total nightmare. But the funny thing is that at the moment, they've only got two satellites in the air, which means that it can only connect to Bluetooth about once a day. Right, sounds ideal. So if you want to know where your toddler is once a day, once every 24 hours,

then there's a perfect use case. The other one is that they have on their website is wildfires. Oh, which I think their term for bushfires. And they said, if you just put a whole lot of Bluetooth-connected sensors that have, like, heat sensors on them, then they'll be able to ping, they'll be able to ping the satellite, presuming that they'll be able to ping the satellite before they get burned up,

as long as it's also within that once every 24-hour period. You'd need a satellite to check in more than once a day. I mean, I can see the value of that, although it'd be kind of weird if you're walking through this. You met like the one place where there isn't technology where we can actually relax. Yeah. And you're walking through the forest.

And you look up your Bluetooth. And there's Bluetooth sensors all around you. Just go, what the hell? So another, but this is another thing that's going to be used for surveillance. It's going to be, and this is why it probably will get developed and existed because it'll be used for companies to gather data about all of us, for governments to surveil us. Yes.

And for us to be turned into advertising units, as always the case. Hey, more on this in a moment after we, speaking of which, Salsamats. The Chaser Report. News you know you can't trust. Okay, so Bluetooth everywhere all the time. Charles, it's just, I would believe you, did that sentence not contain the word Bluetooth.

Bluetooth. Yeah, yeah. So, I mean, I like your thought that maybe this technology can be used to also improve Bluetooth on land. But I'm not sure that's what they're, they're not trying to make Bluetooth able to constantly connect to a device, which would make it useful.

They're just wanting to... I mean, it's sort of almost the perfect use case for Bluetooth, isn't it? Which is, it just momentarily connects and then disconnects. Oh, so it disconnect immediately by design. That's actually a big positive for a look. Yeah, exactly. They've gone, what can we use this technology for if it immediately connects and then disconnects

and doesn't really work properly? I know. We'll use it to sell. to B2B. And so, but I like the idea that what can we do with Bluetooth? Like,

is there a sort of use case where you go, instead of going up into space, you know, could you have one internet connection, like at home, connect to your Bluetooth and then use that as your data instead of using the phone system?

See what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Because you've got a really cool internet connection at your house. Yeah, we just, we just upgraded to supposedly gigabit fiber. I know. You showed, you showed me the screenshots. It was very

nerdy, yeah, because we were on a 5G modem at home and it was absolutely shithouse. So, yes, this is the one day in it seems to work okay, because it's broken Siri. Oh, really? It's too fast to Siri. I'm hoping. I think that's what it could be.

But so, like, I'm thinking, like, what are some use cases for this technology or are they none? I know. Can we think of something useful that we can use this satellite Hubble

Bluetooth technology? Yeah, I'd like to be interstate. I'd like to be, I don't know, in Brisbane or Melbourne or something. Yeah. And be able to tell if my child has brushed their teeth with a Bluetooth toothbrush. You know what would happen is you'd be

interstate and you'd be on your laptop and you go where the fuck is the sound and you're connected to your Bluetooth. That's right. the number of times I reckon the number of times the wrong thing's been played

in the wrong room in this house it's greater than the number of times we've gotten it right it's absolutely extraordinary and turning on and off the lights I got these we could just do a whole episode on the smart home at some point

but I put in these smart lights around the house and they were so terrible we've got smart power switches at our house they work through oh sorry I'll just start that sentence again they don't work

through the Apple home kit ecosystem. They're called Eva Smart Switches or something like that. Yeah, I know those ever things. And because we've got lots of animals that need light, they're all lizards and things like that and reptiles. And so they work 90%

at the time. And then whenever you go away for a few days, which is when you need them to work, they then stop working. Yeah, that's right. That's my experience. And I think it's just to do with loneliness or something like that. They sort of, they like pets. They like pets. They sort of, and

Oh, and it was terrible because last time we went away, and we went out way for about five days. It's so horrible. I had to feed it a snake or whatever it was. It left the lights on. 24 hours a day. So I thought it was daytime all the time. Yeah, how stressful would that have been?

And the poor plants, we've also got some, what are they called, terrarium. Oh, the watering things, yeah. And the plants would have been in daylight 24 hours a day. Poor things. It's stressful. If there's any living creatures that need to learn it. This is why, I mean, on another subject,

we had to recently change babe monitors because our baby monitor that we've had since our first thought was born, that broke. And I tried to find one that didn't have the internet because my wife very sensibly doesn't trust the sort of privacy aspect. Yeah, yeah, definitely, man. People hacking into our camera. Yeah.

But then I was kind of like, oh, it'd be quite nice to be out of, you know, if you're out, just check that the kids are okay from your phone. But then I realized if it uses Wi-Fi, you just assume it will, or even Bluetooth or whatever, It just won't work a lot of the time. Yes, yes. Your kid will be screaming them the middle of the night

and you just won't hear them because the connection will be down or there'll be an IP protocol relay error or something. In my day, leaving a child to cry was actually considered good parenting, Don. Yeah, we see the results of that today. No, just if they've injured. What I've done as the children have gotten older

is I've gradually reduced the sensitivity. So they basically need to be absolutely screaming to murder. As though they've been doing it. Don't you have ears? Yes, but they're at the other end of the house now. It's brilliant. It's brilliant. So you can't, you can't hear.

What I'm wanting to do is put them in a different house. Yes. If it's possible to locate them over the road or something, because I've not slept in six years. So, yeah, I need to get on that. Anyway, what I might do, what I'm going to do, I know what this technology is for. I'm going to go somewhere and I'm going to sleep,

I don't know, 500 kilometres away from my family. I'm going to use this Bluetooth, make it look like I'm still in the house. I'm going to put a little speaker somewhere. Yeah. Hi, I'm just in the bathroom. No, I'm still in here. Sorry, I'll be a while.

And I'll figure out a way of pretending. I'll turn the lights on and off. Look, the light turned off. No, Dad is here. Don't worry. I'm just, you can't see me at the moment. It'll be great. I feel like this has turned into a really, really sad reflection on your life.

This was supposed to be a happy episode. Bluetooth's finally got their time in the sun. Or literally in the sun. Oh, my God. Can you imagine what they'll do? NASA's going to rely on Bluetooth for the next question. Yes, of course. It's like Apollo 13, the Bluetooth version.

Oh my gosh. Okay, well, at least we know the technology now that is going to end humanity. It's going to in some way, so at some point someone's going to go, no, no, no, Bluetooth is good now and do some sort of, you know what they'll do? They'll put sensors up there

to see if an asteroid's coming towards it. Based on Bluetooth, and the asteroid's definitely going to kill us all. Charles, thank you for bringing us that story. is it really true? No, it's true. It's true. They raised $20 million. They've got two satellites.

650 kilometres away Bluetooth works. Yeah, and apparently their chief technician, when it connected, he went, no way. Yeah, that was my response to. Catch you next time. Our gear is from Roe. We are part of the Iconiclass Network. Get you tomorrow.