The Chaser Report - Chaser Report Extra - 10th June 2020

Episode Date: June 9, 2020

Andrew Hansen talks about the massive glut in truffles as a result of high end restaurant closures. What should we do with all the extra truffles? Plus the latest Chaser headlines from Rebecca De Unamuno. 
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The Chaser Report, Global World International News Headlines Update with Rebecca Dayunamuno. The nation has put on its best surprised face today upon learning that the Liberal government has chosen to give the next round of stimulus money to rich homeowners in order to help them increase the values on their properties. The news has come as a great surprise to Liberal Minister Peter Dutton, who had completely forgotten he owned nine houses when he helped make the day. decision. The government also announced that it would help thousands of unemployed workers in tourism by retraining them as real estate agents. The government has announced it will cut out the middleman in its home builder renovations grant scheme and will pay the subsidy directly into

pokey machines. The announcement came as it seeks to make the delivery of the funds more efficient. Tradies can access the grant by heading to their local VIP room where it will be preloaded onto a Queen of the Nile. And news just in, rioters in England have torn to a statue of a slave owner and thrown it in the river. Experts say the rioters have done hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of improvements to the monument. That's the latest Chaser Report headlines. Remember to subscribe to the Chaser report podcast in your podcast app

and check out chaser.com.com.com for all the latest news you can't trust. Now it's time for World International Global News Roundup with Charles, Andrew and Don. Thank you, Beck, for keeping us informed. and let's dive now into the International Global News from all around the world. It's time for. International Global News World Roundup. Yes, you're here with me, Andrew Hanson, and I'm going to run these stories past.

Our panel of Charles Firth and Dominic Knight to find out what you guys think of these tasty little stories that have erupted over the world this week. Now, the truffle industry. Look, there's been a lot of trouble in a lot of businesses, right? Arts are struggling, you know, anyone who's self-employed really, restaurants. I mean, anybody who's in the events game or needs a crowd, very difficult time. But the truffle industry has, I'm afraid to tell you, been really smashed by COVID. The problem we've got, of course, is high-end restaurants.

You know, they don't have as many customers or some of them are closed completely. They're no longer buying their usual supply of truffles. Yes. Sad, isn't it? Of course, in our household, I think it was because, you know, the kids weren't going to school every day. So I never bought truffles to pack a truffle sandwich for them to go to school. So you're part of the problem. Our consumption plummeted.

Charles, you should be supporting your local truffle grower, really. Exactly. I mean, Domney, how badly will a truffle shortage affect your life? It's not a travel shortage, though. Is it a glut, though, isn't it? Well, I suppose you're right. It's just that nobody's buying the truffles. buying them.

Well, you can get them cheap. Well, in that case, if they're very cheap, it could be very bad because, you know, at my local cafe, I always avoid the one dish with truffles because they taste absolutely disgusting. But now they might put them into everything, trying to give a sense of luxury. Because what we really want when we eat is like the sort of food version of kombucha that tastes slightly rotten. I don't quite understand.

It seems like a giant prank on foodies that someone said this particular gross kind of mushroom that can only be dug up by. Pigs, that is the most delicious food that there is, other than, you know, fish row. I'm 100% with you, Dom. We got given, some horrible person gave us a bottle of truffle oil about a year ago. And it just stands there. We go through all the other oils. It's there.

You can always have a lot if you take the lid off and go, whore, that's the wrong one. I'll not put that one away. Yeah, I went to this fancy restaurant in Sydney once where the whole starred dishes, is they do a very simple dish of pastures with butter or something, and then they come over and sort of great fresh truffle onto the pastas. And someone ordered that, and yet everyone else was put off the food. Just the stench of fresh truffle. I could not, you know, have my $50 dip in Maine after that.

That was just appalling. Give them to the pigs, if they send it like them. Well, they're going to be cheap. You're right, but they're going to be cheap now. So we should probably look forward to like, you know, Cadbury truffle blocks and they're coming to the shop soon. Yeah, yeah. I reckon tubes will come back. Truffle-flavored.

I'm sure that the people who love truffles are feeling really bad. So what I propose to do is rather than flushing my turds for the next month, they're going to package them up in little plastic bags to be dried and sold as truffles. There's no way they'll know the difference. Domi's Troules. Look for that in your local deli, little jar of Domi's truffles. This is terribly pudgett. I love it. Is there something we can do?

economically. I mean, what should we do to support wealthy truffle eaters at this? Yes, we need a truffle eater scheme, don't we? And I think, I mean, but it should only be targeted at people, you know, who are on low income. Because that's the sort of thing that the government would do, wouldn't it? Let's target all the low income truffle eaters. That's right. If you earn no more than $20 a month, then you get a 40% discount off a truffle eater program. You've got to pay for it first and we'll reimburse you. Well, maybe as part of, yeah, maybe as part of their innovation package,

one of the odd things you can spend the money on is your own, you know, pack of truffle pigs to go out and hunter. Forage locally. You know, I'm sure that if you set a truffle pig loose in, you know, the suburbs of Australian cities, they'll dig up all kinds of disgusting shit you can eat. You've condoms, you know, syringes. So it'd still be nicer than a truffle.

Shave it over that butter pasta. Oh, delicious. Now, let's move on to another sort of high-end problem. I mean, there's a lot of problems for wealthy people under COVID. Let me tell you. Now, I don't know if you've heard of Sacks Fifth Avenue. It's a very upmarket store in New York City. city. Very high end. Well, they've had to wrap the entire store in razor wire to prevent

looting. This is now a thing in the United States. A quick extraordinary footage, you know, they've got, they've boarded up Saks Fifth Avenue, but there's a great big wooden boards wrapping razor wire around it. Well, you know, I mean, this begs the question. I mean, what else can they do to protect these, these luxury items, you know? I'm just thinking, Andrew, The artist Christo died in the past week or so. Is this one of his final works, wrapping the whole of Sacks in Razor Wire? His sharpest work to date.

Could we do that? I mean, what do you think, Charles? I think they should put razor wire on all the necklaces they sell and stuff like that and, you know, the earring. People are the lesson, wouldn't it, finally? Yeah. I'm just wondering if there's razor wire around Sacks Fifth Avenue,

maybe Skomo can send people from Menace to sacks. Wouldn't that be nice for the store? It finally has got a place. Are there any expensive luxury items that I mean that you'd like to see sort of remade in a high security form, Domit? I'm envisaging a handbag that can take off your hand. I think that would be very high stakes.

Or maybe shoes that are very, very uncomfortable and you can't actually wear. That's right. Expensive shoes already do that. That's very nice. But I'd like to see, Sacks introduce some high-end razor wire. I think, you know, sort of gold-plated.

Jolette. With five blades. Yeah, yes, exactly. I love how your idea of luxury is Jolette. That well-known luxury brand, Gillette. I thought it was the best a man could get. What are you talking? I think he's talking about the turbo, Charles, the turbo, the jillette.

Oh, oh, that's not just. You're going to be a basic mark three. Now, also on COVID, now this is an interesting new bit of medical advice that's cropped up this week. Naturally, this one's come from the Sun newspaper in the UK, which says that people should wear masks during sex. This is what COVID experts are now saying to cut the risk of spreading it. In fact, I'll read the article begins. Randy couples should mask up to stop the spread of coronavirus. Well, this is old news for me.

I mean, I've always had to wear a mask during sex. It's the only way I could ever seal the deal. I just carried, when I was single, I'd just travel around carrying, you know, obviously condoms, but also face masks. Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, you know, whatever was required. It works very well for suspension of disbelief. You know that Brad Pitt wears a Dom Knight mask sometimes to keep all the fans away. Or maybe in some sort of bad day games.

Charles, I mean, other advantage. Can you see advantages, Charles, to wearing a mask during a shag? Well, yes, you know how, you know, when you climax, often you make a strange face. You know, protect your partner from having to see that. I think it's perfect. Good for the drool. Oh, yes. Is that what you do, too, Dommy?

This could be part of your problem. I'm starting to understand some of the issues you may have had finding the draw. Oh, you mean there's more than just my appearance? It just casually mentions, oh, and the drool. That everyone knows about. Yeah. Yeah, the rancid breath. It would really make it very pleasurable, wouldn't it?

Are there any, what do you think, Dommy? I mean, are there some, you know, there's a marketing opportunity here I'm thinking in the COVID sex masks, you know, I mean, what raunchy product names do you think that mask manufacturers could start to use? Well, I mean, surely there's Louis Vuitton masks where women can imagine having sex with Louis Vuitton or better still an expensive handbag. Maybe they should start packing these masks along with alcohol, sort of branded. You know, this shag brought to you by Midori or Vodka Cruiser or something.

It's a sponsorship opportunity. It's advertising space, isn't it, for during sex? Yeah. But, you know, yeah, I think you're right. It's sexy, you know, like, get faced or something, you know, like, it would just be, yeah. Yeah, or during COVID, but you could say, shut up and don't kiss me. Yeah, and I'll say, because it's like forbidden face, you know, like, you could actually make it all naughty, you know, oh, you're not allowed to see my face. Or just maybe, maybe Jurex, because there's, you're absolutely guaranteed I'm not going to try and slip the tongue in.

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