The Chaser Report - Chaser Report Extra - 25th May 2020

Episode Date: May 25, 2020

Extra mini-episode to start the week. The latest Chaser headlines from Rebecca De Unamuno, plus a roundup of all the major stories from around the world that you haven’t heard about from Charles, Dom and Andrew. 
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When does fast grocery delivery through Instacart matter most? When your famous grainy mustard potato salad isn't so famous without the grainy mustard. When the barbecues lit but there's nothing to grill. When the in-laws decide that actually they will stay for dinner. Instacart has all your groceries covered this summer. So download the app and get delivery in as fast as 60 minutes. Plus, enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees exclusions and terms apply.

Instacart, groceries that over deliver. The Chaser Report, Global World International News Headlines Update, with Rebecca Dayunamuno. The Liberal Party has rushed to rectify an error in their jobkeeper costings after the cost of the program was overstated by $60 billion. In order to rectify the error, ministers for the government have embarked on a raft of stimulus spending by handing the $60 billion directly to more. Wassman's Rowing Club. Federal Treasurer Josh Frydenberg has been forced to open an account with after pay after being hit with a $60 billion robo debt fine by Centrelink for misreported JobKeeper funds.

The news comes at a bad time for Freidenberg, given he was hoping to apply for JobKeeper this week after a minor workplace error increased the chances of him losing his job. Asked how he would be paying back the money, Frydenberg explained that it was obviously a mix up by Centrelink and that he would simply call and explain they had made a mistake. Mr Frydenberg is expected to be on hold to centre link until 2050. Federal Senator Pauline Hansen has today been submitted for medical evaluation after the firebrand politician called for the Queensland border to be opened up to foreigners. Pauline is not the first politician to be struck down with backflipitis.

On Friday, Peter Dutton also demanded that the Queensland border be reopened for travel immediately. Condolences have been sent to Channel 7's sunrise program, which will now be forced to consult actual experts for their opinion on the news until Mrs Hansen is feeling better. That's the latest Chaser Report headlines. Remember to subscribe to the Chaser Report podcast in your podcast app and check out chaser.com.com.com for all the latest news you can't trust. Now it's time for World International Global News Roundup with Charles Andrew and Dom.

Thanks, Beck. Thanks, Beck. Very informative news. And now I am going to treat you to one of these. International Global News World Roundup That's right, an international global, et cetera, et cetera news roundup now. Dommy and Charles, first in the bit of news comes from Japan. There's a restaurant and bar in Tokyo. It's in the very busy district of what used to be the busy district of Shinjuka. It's a bit dead nowadays, of course.

But to try and deal with the COVID pandemic, this bar has come up with some COVID-safe techniques to make things safe. for diners. So if you walk into this restaurant, the first thing that happens is you get greeted by a waitress, not in person, but on a big screen. She invites you to wash your hands and then she invites you to check your temperature at the door. How would you like that, first of all? Would you like, I mean, what do you think of having your temperature checked when you walk into a restaurant? It just gives me that vibe of I'm going to a hospital that really helps me relax on a night out.

I mean, one question I do have is, what if you arrive with a hot date? Does that mean that they have to go home because they're hot? Oh, cancel him to get him out of this podcast. Oh, dear. Let's move on. Now, the next thing is... I took the temperature of that joke, and it was very, very cold.

It was terrible. Freezing. Now, when you walk into the bar, the next thing that happens is you get sprayed all over your body with a massive amount of chlorine disinfectant. It's described in the media as stepping into a, quote, kind of human car wash where angled plastic pipes bathe you in a mist of chlorine. I'm astonished to hear that bars have disinfectant and cleaning products.

I'd never been to a bar where they actually have any of that stuff. Why don't they use it on the floor? We're doing chlorine gas. That's what they used in World War I to kill people. Are you sure this is a restaurant and not some sort of hideous hangover from Japanese war crimes in World War II? Well, this is what happens, Charles. I don't know. Wouldn't you smell of chlorine?

All your dishes, like for the rest of the night, everything that you ate would smell and taste of chlorine. Well, all part of the experience. You know, it is called the chlorine bar. No, it's not a half. Actually, it's called kichiri. So now, then what happens is you go to sit down at your table and all the tables are separated with these plastic sort of screens. And instead of having to talk to your fellow diners in your group of people,

you get given a tablet so that you actually talk into the tablet instead. So it's kind of like a Zoom meeting, but the other people are just, you know, two meters away. Have they not thought of people sitting at home and talking to people on tablets without having to leave the house? Oh, but you don't get to smell like chlorine in a nice bar, dummy, if you do it that way, you know. The thing that I like, though, is each tablet is actually fitted with something that the Japanese call actress lights, which make you look like a movie star. What do you think, Charles? Good idea.

Yeah, well, that would certainly help me. I'm getting very confused about who is going to go to this bar. Like, are they trying to pick up? Can you talk to the person next to you, but on the tablet? Is that how it works? That's right. Yeah, you do. You actually, yeah, you can talk to the person next to you, but you have to look at the tablet, I think.

I think, I think this is my read of how I haven't been to the bar yet because I'm not allowed to go to Japan. All right. Okay. Well, that's good. If I looked like George Clooney, I think I would be more successful. The lights aren't that powerful, Charles. It wouldn't work for me. Any DeVito might be the best level you might get.

I think I'd need to sit at the tablet and just do text chat if I was going to pick anyone up with the camera. Turn off the actress lights as well. Sorry, the camera's broken on this tablet, but I'm very handsome. And I don't smell of chlorine. All right, next story in the news roundup comes from Mexico, Dommy and Charles. Now, there's a region in Mexico which copped these hailstones in the news. and the hailstones are shaped in an interesting way.

They're actually shaped like the coronavirus. They look like, if you've seen those pictures, yeah, they look like little spheres with spikes all over them. Now, I mean, some locals are saying that these hailstones are a message from God. I don't think this is a message from God, because if it was, it wouldn't be shaped like the coronavirus. Surely it would be shaped like the vaccine molecule. Yes, that's true.

What a little syringe. Yeah, you think God would be a bit more helpful, wouldn't he? Yeah, this is a message from the devil, if anyone. Couldn't he send us P3 masks? She's going to drop anything on us. Now, that's a better idea, Domney. Halestone's in the shape of P3 masks. Charles, what sort of hailstones should he send?

Well, I've just actually worked out what the message that God is sending. Oh, yeah. Stop reading too much into the shape of a hailstone. You know, if you're going to get a message from God, that could be one. And it's probably the correct message, isn't it? Like giant things with spikes on them are dropping from the sky, stay indoors. Oh, yeah, it's good. Now, over in the US, let's cross the border to the United States.

There's a man there who ordered a present for his son, and he ordered it online, of course. He's been doing a lot of online shopping, this guy. But this particular delivery was a little bit different from the usual online delivery that you get. When the delivery guy arrived, he didn't leave. the parcel. He was actually, and in fact he was caught on the man's CCTV camera doing a, well, yeah, doing what

you might describe as a pretty unusual sort of delivery. Take a listen. His security cameras captured a strange sight. To my surprise, the driver did not bring anything. They just take pictures of my house. They press the doorbell and

leave without anything left. So, yeah, the delivery guy pressed the, walked up, rang the doorbell, took some photos of the house, and then pissed off. Do you think delivering an invisible package could be the future of online shopping? Are you sure this guy didn't work for Australia Post? Because I swear that's what they do. Well, actually, I've sent you an invisible package for your birthday, Charles, this year. I hope you got it. Well, now, I mean, the other thing that this company does, normally they send you a reset. I've never seen this from an online company, but apparently this one.

what they do is they prove that they've delivered the parcel by emailing you a receipt from the delivery driver, which is a photo of the parcel sitting on your doorstep so that you can't then later say, well, I didn't get the parcel. But this time, the company sent a slightly different type of photo. Santiago even got an email saying his package was delivered, but instead of the usual photo of the item on his doorstep, this time it was just a photo of his house number.

So what's going on? Are they delivering nothing as a sort of joke, is it? Is it a joke? Well, you can't get COVID-19 from an invisible package, can you? Well, there you go, Dommy. You found an advantage. Look, I don't think it's a joke, Charles. This is a major international delivery company.

I don't think they're trying to amuse their customers by leaving nothing behind. And if so, this man obviously didn't find it very funny because he went to the news complaining. So I don't understand this story. Like, why is this a story anyway? This is just like, what happens every day is the delivery companies. Don't deliver your package. It's like fucking Wednesday. Jesus.

I'm sorry I even brought it to the table. And that was International Something or Other Global News Edition, Roundup or whatever we call it, here on this special extra edition of The Chaser. But it was lovely to be with you here today, Dommy and Charles. And please do, if you like the podcast, subscribe. Even if you don't like the podcast, just subscribe to it in Apple Podcasts so that we don't lose our jobs. And we're going to be bringing you a full-length episode on Friday. Any details I missed there, Charles?

No, that's fine. Just go to taser.com.com. You to check out all the stories. When does fast grocery delivery through Instacart matter most, when your famous grainy mustard potato salad isn't so famous without the grainy mustard? When the barbecues lit, but there's nothing to grill. when the in-laws decide that actually they will stay for dinner. Instacart has all your groceries covered this summer.

So download the app and get delivery in as fast as 60 minutes. Plus, enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees exclusions and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over-deliver.