The Chaser Report - Chaser Report Extra - 8th June 2020

Episode Date: June 7, 2020

Latest Chaser headlines from Rebecca De Unamuno, including protests across Australia rebranded as footy matches, China issues travel warning about Australia, and struggling home-owning boomer takes advantage of HomeBuilder scheme. Plus a round up of the biggest stories around the globe with Charles Firth, Dom Knight and Andrew Hansen. 
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The Chaser Report, Global World International News Headlines Update, with Rebecca Dayunamuno. Massive Black Lives Matter protests across Australia have gone ahead after organisers cleverly rebranded the marches as a football game, forcing politicians to allow large crowds to gather. A spokesperson for the government said that protests caused the virus to spread rapidly, but large gatherings at sporting events were immune from transmission. China has warned its citizens to not travel to Australia because of rising racism here. But the tourism minister has dismissed China's concerns, saying that Australians are racist towards everyone.

He said that Chinese people were not subjected to any special treatment and pointed out that if Australia wasn't racist towards Chinese people, it would actually be more racist in a way. The government's Home Builder Grant is off to a good start with one cash-strap boomer announcing he will be spending the $25,000 subsidy on a conservatory for his conservatory. The retiree who bought his first house at the age of 12 with the money from his paper round said it was technically his third conservatory if you count the one on the side of the house or his 14th if you include the ones in his investment properties.

That's the latest Chaser Report headlines. Remember to subscribe to the Chaser Report podcast in your podcast. app and check out chaser.com.com.a.u for all the latest news you can't trust. Now it's time for World International Global News Roundup with Charles, Andrew and Dom. Thanks, Beck, and now it's time for International Global News World Roundup. Lots of essential news covered by us here on the Chaser report. We do this two times a week, along with the regular full episodes on Friday. I'm Charles Firth and Andrew Hansen here with me, Dom Knight.

And let's head to Uttar Pradesh State in India, guys, where a troop of monkeys attacked a medical official and stole several blood samples containing blood from COVID-19 patients. One of the monkeys was later seen chewing on one of the samples, which is delightful image, isn't it? Why do you think the monkeys, you know, basically did some bush ranging and grabbed blood samples containing COVID. Well, my theory is that they've watched how, you know,

people like President Trump have handled this whole COVID thing, and they just think they could do a better job. And I tend to agree. I think a monkey would do a better job than Donald Trump at handling this crisis. They're probably working on a vaccine right now. Just thinking in the movie Planet of the Apes, that seems like a better situation for humans. than having Donald Trump as president, doesn't it?

Well, it's like, I'm with you, Charles. I think it's like the monkeys, you know, coming up with the complete works of Shakespeare idea, isn't it? I wouldn't be surprised if, you know, come September, we see a headline, first COVID vaccine trial successful, conducted by monkeys. Well, I mean, they're already testing it on monkeys, just moments after they got hold of the first samples.

Well, it would, or are they enlisting human? Are the monkeys testing it on people? Well, that is it on humans first, yeah, yeah. I mean, I can imagine the cruelty, there'll be monkeys protesting in the streets, I reckon. There's no more cruelty to people. No more people testing. Yeah, it's true. Do you think, though, that there's a chance that COVID-19 will jump species?

We've got that pangolin, human, and now monkeys. Are we going to see this happening next? Well, I hope so, because, you know, it sort of serves them right for giving us monkey pox a few years ago. Remember that? Yeah, it was irritating? Yes. And I think they gave us a bowler as well, didn't they? Look, I'm pretty sure they're to blame for all sorts of things. Although on the upside, they did give us monkey magic.

So I do forgive them. I do forgive monkeys for all the entertainment that they provide. The worst thing that monkeys have ever done is evolve into humans. I mean, that was a terrible decision. Oh, dreadful mistake. They must be regretting that now when they look around. They probably try to pull the pen. They're getting together with the dolphins and ganges.

up on us to purge the planet of us. All right, speaking of other threats to humanity, let's go to New Zealand now, where a robotic dog called Spot is being used to herd sheep. A creative name, isn't it? It's not. It kind of makes my daughter's children's book seem

quite chilling. It's made by, you know that company Boston Dynamics? It makes all the terrifying running robots. So this is now they are making animal robots to out-competers in evolution. So the advantage is it goes over all kinds of difficult terrain, it goes forever. And And the sheep supposedly are so stupid that they don't realize that it's not a dog, so that can just herd them around as usual.

Do you think it's fair to put our loyal, loving, trusty sheep dogs out of work like this? Oh, well, this is the problem all around. We're all getting replaced by automation. I think the sheepdog union needs to get on board this and perhaps provide a scheme like a dogkeeper to make sure there is still gainfully paid these poor dogs. This is a disgrace. I mean, so you said it goes around all different terrains. You know what else goes around all different terrains? Dogs!

How much does a dog robot go, like billion dollars? Like two billion dollars? But it's status symbol, Charles. It's a status symbol for the farm. He's like, oh, yeah, you've got your blue healer. Yeah. Oh, that's going to make for a really chilling blueie series, isn't it, coming up? But it is true that when you see them, and there's all these extensive videos that they've

made if the dog robots just jumping around or rocks on that. You do think, well, dogs can do that. There must be some other sinister plan going on here. Maybe this is the first, you know, a whole legion of robotic animals running around the world. What else could they make? What robot animals would you like to see coming out of Boston Dynamics? They're going to make them anyway, I'm sure. Well, look, I mean, I can see people having robot pet cats, for instance.

You could, you know, program it to have four different levels of aloofness. I think it could be quite good. Well, Charles, your son was going to have a snake. Maybe you could have a robotic snake in the house. That would be reassuring. I think my wife would like that. I think I'd like to see a robotic bearded dragon. I think they would be identical to an actual bearded dragon.

When it switched off. sitting there I mean really in fact I'll be the person to design that one because it'll be really easy to design Now there's one more aspect to this that this company in New Zealand is very very proud of in terms of

their robot dogs Have a listen to this Agriculture is a great use case for introducing robotics for all kinds of automation And I guess we wanted to think about What we could do to bring a New Zealand flavour to that And obviously sheep's a good New Zealand flavour Certainly every comedian thinks so.

A New Zealand flavour for robotics. What else could they have done to bring a New Zealand flavour into this? Oh, well, you could give the dog a voice. It could speak in Russell Crow's voice as it rounds up the sheep. I can imagine, come on, come on sheep. Get into the paddock. On my signal. Unleash order.

They could have programmed it to chuck people out of pubs, because that's my main interaction with New Zealanders. A robot bouncer. What if they released a robotic competent Prime Minister to spread around the world? Well, we never happen. Never happen. No, never happened. Yeah, or if they flooded Bondi Beach with thousands of these robots, dogs.

Yeah, robotic doll bludges, that would be amazing. Yeah. Last time you mentioned doll bludges, Charles, all kinds of good things happened. Let's head to Griffith where nothing dodgy has ever happened, Griffith in New South Wales. Last year, a man near that reputable town used Facebook to arrange a very special sexual fantasy. So this is pre-lockdown, okay? This is when we could have fun. He wanted two guys to break into his house, tie him up in his underwear, and I quote here, stroke him with a broom.

That's what he wanted to do. And he was willing to pay $5,000. if it was, and I quote again here, really good. Before we get into what happened, what do you think of that concept? Is that floating your boat? You know, your wife, maybe the robotic snake, Charles, but is this what you've been dreaming for? Dom, I can't help noticing a sort of judgmental tone in your voice.

I think, you know, I'm very sex positive in my household. And I think, you know, if that's what gets you off, then that's fair enough. I mean, I've been brushed off by tons of women in my time. So maybe that's why you like the brun. We should say this is a broom positive podcast here. Thank you. Thank you. I question the hygiene of the whole thing.

I mean, it sort of depends whether it's a new broom or the broom you've got that's got all those horrible clumps of dust bunnies all over it. And also bits of broken glass. Like, I always sweep up broken glass with my... And is he talking about a full-sized broom or just a dustpan? Oh, dustpan. I don't know, right? I'm untie sure.

But what I can tell you is that it didn't work out the way it was supposed to. Oh, I'm shocked. One slight issue in the execution, which was that this guy who booked the service moved 50 kilometres away without telling the two men. So as it happened, they tied up someone completely different while brandishing machetes. He hadn't asked for machetes. They just thought it would add a degree of frisson to the experience, I think. Sorry, Dommy, there's a lot wrong with this story.

I'm just trying to get my head. They came up. They agreed to do the broom thing, but they also brought machetes. They did to add the sense of threat. The guy paid $5,000 and then forgot to tell them that he'd moved houses. I don't know that he paid them. I think it was an incentive scheme. So they turned up and tied up with someone completely different

and only just realized when it was clear that he's had a different name. But it went to trial, as one might imagine, and one of them was acquitted of entering a home armed with a weapon. Good decision. It was an honest mistake, the court found. Oh, I see. Well, because they were just trying to do their job. Yeah.

Well, it wasn't an attack. It was a consensual activity between adults. Yeah, and presumably the person who was attacked, the mistaken victim, um didn't know the safe word did they because they weren't part of the whole thing i'd love to have been there obviously in that in that world you can't just say i'm not the person that book this you've made a mistake doesn't count you've got to say like lithuania or something i'd love to have seen that scene of them working out that was the wrong person i think that would have been very hard because what would you do in that circumstance if you were

the perpetrator. Well, I'm terribly sorry. Well, I'll be going then. Look, I think of me as a trader you went to the wrong house or the right house too late. I mean, they've already set one episode, one series of underbelly in Griffith. Maybe this could be recreation for Channel 9. I mean, maybe the person who was attacked also likes being brushed with a broom.

Maybe it's a common thing in Griffith. Well, they might have discovered a new hobby. This is it, Charles. I think you've hit the nail or the broom on the head here because, you know, it's a service, it's a good service. So presumably the people who broke into the house would have thought they were doing him a wonderful favour, even if it was the wrong person. Oh, yes. The person probably said, thank you. In fact, the person probably said, look, I didn't order this, but this is fantastic.

This is the best day in my life. I don't normally get free things. This is like finding 50 bucks on the street. I've just had a wonderful couple of men breaking with machetes. I didn't even ask for it. It's a $5,000 value. It's great, like winning the lottery, basically. The broom sex lottery.

Just with an ordinary household broom, they'll never look at it in the same way again. Yeah, I also got a broom job at the same time. So my question, though, thinking about this in more detail, I mean, do you believe it was an honest mistake by the broom aficionator who just happened to move away while forgetting this service? Or do you think it was a very elaborate and mean prank? Should the cops be chasing after Broomboy now? Oh, I see.

Well, this is something you could pull on the next people who move into your flat, isn't it? Like, every time you move, you could book this service as a cheeky, cheeky to the prank on the next tenant. I don't know. It seems to, like, it's too nice to be a prank, isn't it? It's too, you know, like, you're really giving them something really nice by unleashing. Oh, well, maybe that's the idea. Yeah, it could be like, you know, leaving forward.

A cake or a lasagna for the next person or something. Yeah, exactly. A couple of machete-wielding broom six sex fiends. That is it for this mini episode of The Chaser Report, but don't forget, we put out two a week along with the main episode on Fridays. And remember to press subscribe too, please, because that way we don't get fired.