The Chaser Report - Chaser's 2024 Wrapped

Episode Date: December 18, 2024

The time has come. You've tried every other form of yearly recap, but you know the one you've been waiting for is the one brought to you by John Delmenico, with joined by Dom Knight and Producer Lachlan. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report. Final episode. Well, it's a pair. It's a two-parter. This is the first part of our review of 2024, all the highlights and probably a lot more low lights as compiled by Chaser editor, John Delmenico.

Hello, John. Thank you for taking this upon yourself. I thought it's just a good time to reflect on the year. and this is much easier than researching new topics or going to Charles's live show which reported to do much the same thing very well although you did go to that didn't you yeah there's that live show plus also the annual

which is still on sale unlike Charles's show and Lachlan and I are just going to basically enjoy your hard work you're a brave man John you're a brave man thanks for putting in the hard yards which begins after this what's better than a well marbled ribai sizzling on the barbecue

A well marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well marbled ribai you ordered without even leaving the kiddie pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over deliver. Okay, so part one of 2020. I can barely remember what happened in this year.

In fact, I think I've got a considerable length to try and forget much of 2024. So, John, let's exhume the shittiest bits of the year. What have you got for me? I like, we're assuming that it's just going to be the worst. There's no, there's no pretense that this is at all going to have anything positive. What a year. I mean, an Olympic year, a year of the Albanese government, a year of the Dutton opposition, the year of elections, the year full of elections.

I mean, what is not to like about 2024? Let's be upbeat and joyful because we'll either be happy to look back on the year or happy that it's over. Well, we're going to start off with a good story. Oh, okay. Because the biggest story of January was, of course, in the Liberal Party,

went into turmoil because six ministers resigned at the exact same time. That's right. Scott Morrison resigned from Parliament. Took me a second. Love. I was like, okay, Liberal Party, I'm going to start work. working with a scomo joke and bam just just killed perfect I don't remember them all leaving at the same time oh hang on a second I mean he did so quite heroically as well he left parliament without shooting even a single woman there were so many protesters and he clearly thought about it but he didn't do it and that makes him a hero although there was one woman who if she heard about his resignation would have wanted to shoot herself that's taylor swift remember what he did in his resignation speech oh my goodness I had

completely forgotten about his attempt to shoehorn Taylor Swift titles into the speech. It is true that my political opponents have often made me see red, and I can sure you there is no bad blood, as I've always been someone who's been able to shake it off. Yeah, look, I mean, if only he'd, I guess, brought that

level of pop culture or nouse and intertextuality to his time as Prime Minister. Well, don't forget, he is the man who, when describing the allegory of the cave, didn't say the allegory of the cave, but instead went in detail to describe. the plot of the movie The Crudes? Yes, The Crudes.

Gone, but never unfortunately forgotten. Farewell, Scott. And in my case, I can't remember any of that whole Crude slash cave thing. So I'll put that down to just one of the many things I've obliterated from my memory. But look, no one can take away from Scott Morrison. He was the Prime Minister during COVID. And anyone who at any point felt the vaccines could have perhaps been delivered a little faster. We'll never forget that fact. It's not a race. It's not a race. It never was a race.

And Scott Morrison wasn't the only thing that left us in January, because Godfries and outside were shutting down, leaving a whole heap of bowling balls left unvacumed. No. That was an extraordinary story. For me, the idea that there was a specialist vacuum shop still in operation in 2024. I mean, that was at least 30 years too late. It wasn't Well, I'm struck by the unique position, gentlemen, of this being the first time that I've heard about that news. And now I'm currently gutted as I just found out that Godfries is gone, which shows you the lasting impact they have on my day-to-day life.

You had 11 months of blissful ignorance. You thought we lived in a world with Godfries in it. My vacuum just broke. My sweet summer child. You're going to have to go to any other store that sells products. You could go to any of the discount department stores Kmart Target Big W which somehow managed to sell vacuons

for 20% of the cost of the full price ones possibly why Godfrey's went broke I'm not sure In other business news To wrap up January There was the major controversy When Woolies stopped selling Australia Day thongs

Oh my goodness They stopped selling random crap with flags on them And we're still selling other random crap of flags on them They just weren't doing ones that said Australia Day on. Oh, disgusting. And I've never forgiven them. In fact, I have always only shopped at whichever supermarket was still closest to me, which I think is still a war worse.

Whatever you think of the politics of wearing the Australian flag, I think we can all agree that fewer Australian flag items means fewer items immediately consigned into landfill on January the 27th. But I think on environmental grounds, that mightn't be the worst thing. One less person in a set of Aussie flag budgie smugglers, That's a national service. Thank you, Woolworths. I've changed my mind.

Not all heroes wear flag capes. Well, that was the worst in the hit Woolworths for about three weeks until we got into February, where CEO Brad Banducci stormed out of an interview. Oh, man, that was a highlight. That is a really good one, John. I had completely forgotten about Brad Banducci. And has that made its way into popular culture? Do people talk about doing a Banducci?

Like having a conversation with someone in which you completely self-immolate? I think, unfortunately, we already picked N-Shittification as the word of the year, but definitely pulling a Banducci has to be the second. Because I've been talking for years about doing a Bradbury, that's when all the other contenders just fall over, and you just glide through, you know, without having excelled. But doing a Banducci seems like the opposite. There's absolutely no reason to self-immolate, and yet you do it.

It was the language was particularly interesting. I remember when Brad resigned because every single, media outlet used the oh Brad's leaving and he's got a lot in his trolley in reference to the fact that he had a seven million dollar leaving fee or whatever every single outlet used that one analogy dude that's just enough to buy one bag of groceries at Woolies

you've just reminded us that he actually won the whole thing because he got a massive payout yeah okay right thank you for ruining the elation going from that story of one annoying guy crashing out to another. Barnaby Joyce, fell off a planterbox. You know what? I was a bit cynical at the start. These are great. That was a fantastic moment. I do think they put him on a cashless welfare card though. And they've introduced a curfew, like what the nationals are calling to be introduced in Northern Territory at the exact same time.

But from there, another big person, just as big as Barnaby, Taylor Swift was in the country. Oh, it's a toss up as to who's had the most cultural impact, actually. Barnaby Joyce or Taylor Swift, yeah. Taylor took over the entire new cycle And I hear that she also brought Harold Holt As a special guest It was a big Big tour One of the the broadest

Chaser comedic leaps of 2024 The Chase of the Taylor Swift Harold Holt Crossover article Yeah do you remember back that That was back when Albo I feel like back then Albo Was still able to kind of get into the zeitgeist By going to her concert

But I don't know if he'd be allowed in these days No I don't think he would whatsoever, particularly not if Harold Holt a Liberal Prime Minister is there performing I had no idea Harold Holt was Liberal Prime Minister which are the only thing I know about him is that he did photos of him with models on the beach and then he disappeared at the beach

It was his 57th anniversary of his death on Wednesday and we said nothing because we are heretic scum because I think we made one too many Harold jokes already in 2024 if I was... Jokes! Jokes! How could we? We also recall that there is a pool, after Harold Holt, and that will never not be ironic. Going into March, we saw that female athletes can do anything a male athlete can do when Sam Kerr got arrested on racial vilification charges.

That's right. And then it was great because there was about three days when everyone was like, what did she say? And then we found out and we were like, oh, that's why the police didn't tell us what she said. Did we ever find out officially? Because I thought there were two things going around. Yeah, yeah. The police say, she said, stupid,

white bastard. Hmm. And I, actually, wait, that was what she said, she said. Oh. The police said, like, almost the exact same words, but, like, very slightly different. I thought the two variations were, one was stupid white bastard, and one is stupid white cop. So she's actually, yeah. Yeah, stupid white cop is, too fair, interchangeable words there.

And the other big story of March was, and looking back, I was surprised when I saw this, the US TikTok band. Oh, yes. And what's weird about that is if you go back to that coverage, a lot of, it is mocking America for how stupid the idea of a social media ban was. And recent, so very recently, like, I think yesterday it got confirmed that the ban is definitely going ahead in the US. Right. Okay. But it's weird, looking back now as an Aussie being like six months ago, we were mocking the idea of social media bands. And now we're doing one. And Australia went,

you know, hold my, um, Logan Paul sports drink. Hold my prime. I think we'll go into April after these messages. What's better than a well-marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue? A well-marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well-marbled ribby you ordered without even leaving the kitty pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply.

Instacart, groceries that over-deliver. The Chaser Report News you know you can't trust So well structure John Well done Thank you John This is beautiful Oh it's like Spotify wrapped

But if it was for the amount of minutes I was stuck reading news headlines instead Unironically that is genuinely What one of the weeklies coming up is going to be During a break I hope they play hot to go That joke won't work for our audience But it'll work for someone

We have an audience that it'll make sense for. Not me. In April, Bruce Lerman achieved his life goal of no longer being called an alleged rapist. Yes.

There's an extensive podcast coverage of that one. I think we jumped straight on of the microphones after that judgment came down. That was probably the best day of the year for me. I saw Bruce. I saw the look on his face as he left the federal court and I think I'll be riding that high forever.

I asked him the most pressing question of all. Do you guys remember? Here's the sound bite. What's your favorite karaoke song, Bruce? I mean, it's a good question. We have to know what songs he's singing. We do, we do. It was months before his Spotify rap would have come out. Okay, so and Bruce Lerman, look, did you get a vibe

from him, Lachlan, at the time? This man is definitely going to appeal this case indefinitely. Oh, I thought that he was the kind of gentlemen who would take it on the chin and accept the consequences of his actions. He takes it on the nose more I hear. Well, let's move on to a different person who's been accused of crimes. O.J. Simpson passed away and cancer released a book called If I Did It. I feel ashamed because I was never alive when the entire...

That was the problem with the whole incident. Yeah. I only got to find out really how massive of a story it was the second that this guy was announced as dead. But you were there, Dom. You, like, you... It was bananas. The whole world went absolutely nuts over that story. But the other thing is, it was quite strange, because the first I was aware of him in Australia, as someone who has never given the slightest fuck about NFL,

was when he appeared in quite a fun series of parody movies called The Naked Gun, which is like a parody of police procedural. And there he is this guy, and he's kind of like, his name was Nordberg, and he was sort of an idiot who kept getting injured. It's kind of, that guy's quite funny. Little do we know he was a massive cultural icon, and little do we know he would soon be. become, A, the most famous in the man in the world, and B, very likely a murderer.

Yes, very, very strange business. And, I mean, look, there's endless recreations of the trial, like things on the trial. Bruce Lamon would be enormously lucky to have the decades of ongoing relevance that OJ is going have. We're never going to stop talking about that guy. I watched a documentary about O.J. Simpson after the death again, and it made me question who could possibly be the next OJ? And I think

Pete Hiddy went Banner up Hold my baby oil I'm sorry Well to really badly transition from that because this is the last topic I had for April

and they're somewhat related The women's protests happened The protest against women's violence And the Prime Minister went himself And said that the government needs to act So this was the one where Anthony Albanyi Turned up and got Should we say

what mixed response being a man speaking at a women's protest. I was there at that protest. Were you? I love how evolved we were in the year's history. Look at us. You were both Forrest Gump this year. What was interesting about that one was because where I was standing, all I could hear was the booze. People were actively booing him.

Was this the moment when the sort of popular view on Albo turned? Because he's had a rough time in the poll since about here, hasn't he? Yeah. The moment when he was on stage and for some reason decided to take shots at the organiser and didn't announce any actual policies to address any of the issues that were being brought up and just said everyone needs to do more

despite being the current Prime Minister at the time. If only there was something he could do, you know, about all of the everything in Australia. Guess we'll never know. Well, let's move on into May. So we're in May. Wonderful. This one was one where I was surprised to remember some of these stories. Gosh, I can't remember a thing about May.

I think the biggest story at the time was whistleblower David McBride was found guilty of crimes of whistleblowing regarding the war crimes that none of the people who were whistleblown against have found any punishment for. Was he the one who whistleblowed on our good friend, Ben Roberts Smith, friend of the show? Yeah, he whistleblue on so many of the Australian war crimes. And of course, maybe if he just was a war criminal, he could have stayed out of prison. that was also the month that Scott Morrison's book came out which I read and I was one of the few hundred people who read that book not many of us exist again inserting yourself into the year John

and what did you think of the book I read that book to talk about it on the podcast and the podcast on hiatus for a month the figures as of the end of May so the first month of its release just under 2,000 copies And I was one of them In total And Grace Tame was another

Yeah we were texting each other To make sure we weren't going crazy reading that book Yeah no Grace sold about 10,000 copies more In its first month And Malcolm Turnbull 33,000 I'm genuinely surprised

33,000 people bought Turnbull's memoir Unless most of them were Turnbull buying it to give it away as freebies I'm not sure Well for those of you who haven't read Scott Morrison's book There was some really great information there Like, there is a part where Scott Morrison compares his favorite hat to Moses' staff,

which, if you know anything about religion. This guy. The Sharkey's hat? No, not a Sharkey's hat. A hat. Yeah, which hat? A hard hat. Was this the welder's cap that he didn't wear when he was supposed to?

This man wore so many hats. You know what? That would actually be a good, like the parting at the Red Sea. I still remember him visiting some bushfire affected areas. and the way that the crowd scattered was actually kind of Moses-esque John. If you had to guess, how many times do you reckon he said how good in that book?

Well, I'm a great believer in personal branding, so I think, how many pages are there? I think about once per page. It's 232 pages. Okay, so 232. I'm going to highball it. I'm going to assume 100,000. So now I feel bad because you both,

because it's only seven, but to explain why it's only seven, is that there is 108 Bible quotes So most of the book is Bible quotes The Bible, which is generally available for free But he mentioned, he said Jen 98 times As in Genesis or... No, Jen as in his wife

Oh, okay, I'm always worth checking Jen from Jen and the girls And the Shire 19 times It's really great, there's a forward by Mike Pence Where he said that Australia and America Have worked together since we fought the Nazis in World War I Oh, that's right. Which is this sort of the editorial quality of that book?

I think it's a shame he didn't include Matthew chapter 5 verse 12 where he says, How good are those who mourn for they shall be comforted? Disappointed the day. You missed the opportunity for that one. Thank you. I think it's the first time anyone's cried the Bible in the podcast in five years,

and that's an excellent way. And for the interest of time, we're going to cut here and then come back for the rest of the months in the next episode. Thank you very much, John. We are part of the Iconiclast Network. Bye.

What's better than a well-marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue? A well-marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well-marbled ribai you ordered without even leaving the kiddie pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered.

Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart. Groceries that over-deliver.