The Chaser Report - ChatGPT Hosts The Logies | Mark Humphries

Episode Date: June 1, 2023

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The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to the Chaser Report podcast with Dom and Charles. I'm Charles Firth and with me today, as always, is Dom Knight. Dom Knight, I'm Dom Knight. Welcome. Hello. Hi, Charles. It's me, Dom. So, Dom, I noticed that you've grown hair. It's just... In the right places. I thought it'd go blonde.

Charles, I thought just to mix it up. Just, yeah, it's what the people want. And so how's your life? Oh, my God, it's amazing. I'm just getting blown in the street every day. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore?

FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.com. Is that what happened? That's what happens when you go beyond here. Now, we are supposed to record a podcast right now. Yep.

Obviously, Dom's not here. We've got Mark instead. I don't have anything to talk about. I mean, all the stuff that's happened in the news is sort of ridiculously depressing. Well, so I think we should turn to chat GPT. Well, I think, firstly, I'm honoured to be here because you had a choice of replacing Dom with chat GPT and even, yes, and the technology is just not quite there. No.

So at the moment, I am. It's still a little bit too interesting. Yeah. So once they just iron out some of those reasons. But, yes, so in lieu of chat GPT, I am here. But I'm also here to talk about chat GPT, and I think maybe we could share our experiences of chat GPT. Yes. Because you've played around with it, I'm guessing.

Oh, yeah. God, yeah. It was, it's how most of my content. Most of your business model, yeah. Exactly. So if you asked it to write satirical pieces or what have you... Well, actually, I just wrote to it then and asked it, what should I ask my guest on the podcast that I'm recording this afternoon?

I need 10 questions. Oh, no. So I was on a different podcast where this, a similar question was posed to chat GPT. And it posed a series of hypotheticals, which I'm not very fond of hypotheticals. So I think it was things like, would you rather fight... Oh, right, yes. It was like, would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or 100 horses the size of ducks?

We actually have a segment like that on our podcast occasionally called The Ethical Dilements of a 9-year-old. But they're the way, like, because my kids have always loved those sorts of questions. Right, yes. But they come up with their own unique. ones. I'll just give you, I'll give you, Angus's dilemma that he did the other day, which is, would you prefer to have the most excruciating toenail surgery that would last 10 minutes and you're not allowed any anesthetic? Or eat a wart.

That's genuinely good. Yeah. That's really good. I thought it was a great, it was it good enough to bring back the whole segment that's very funny to answer the question so what's what's your answer that's a good no i mean i'm genuine i mean as much as i hate hypotheticals i'm weirdly charmed by that one well i kind of feel like i i i never gonna give you that question no yeah it's no we haven't trained there's a trace of humanity in that question gosh i mean i don't know what an i guess i have to gosh i suppose i said gosh that's great Because, you know, as Don pointed out at the time, you don't want to be that guy who ate a war. No, that's it.

But then 10 minutes of excruciating pain. Because at least the pain, that's something that, it's sort of something that happened to you. It's not, yeah, it was, whereas there's too much, you're too active, you're too much of an active participant in the, in the wart eating. Yeah, I guess I am inclined to go, but. I think he's perfectly framed this. It's a true dilemma. Yes, because the ward eating would be over quite quickly, but we have no concept of eating a war.

Yeah, but you can't sort of... Well, maybe you can ask JetGPT what it would be like to eat a war. Yeah, that's right. Yes. We have a concept of eating a, you know, a bugger or a scab or something like that, but not a... Not a war.

Not a wolf. No. We don't know what that is. Yeah. Hmm. Do you want to just take that on notice? I'll take that on notice and I'll, yes, exactly. I'll consult with stakeholders and, yeah.

So have you played around with JetGTPTven? Well, yes, because I, there was, I don't know how I came to this, but I just was curious about, because I love the Logies, that's my passion for some reason. And I thought, oh, I wonder what ChatGPT would write as a, if I asked it to write a Logies monologue, what would it come up with?

And I was genuinely impressed by much of the material that it came up with. I was fascinated by its awareness of some of the details of the Australian television industry. I thought the tone of it was very much in line with the Logies. And I would argue that of a couple of jokes that I'm going to read here, I'd argue that some of them are as good, if not better, than what you would hear at the actual Logies. I actually think ChatGPD could be the thing to save the Logies going forward. Okay.

So I'll read you three jokes here from this monologue, and I'll give it a little bit of a Logie's delivery. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Logies, the one night, where Australia's television industry celebrates itself, and we all pretend that we've actually watched some of the shows nominated. You know, I've been doing some research on the nominees, and I have to say I'm pretty impressed. We've got some of the finest actors, writers, and producers in the world,

and then we've got home and away. But all joking aside, the Logies are a chance to recognise the hard work and dedication of everyone involved in Australia's television industry. So let's raise a glass to them and to another year of compelling dramas, hilarious comedies, and whatever the hell goggle box is supposed to be. Like, that's very insightful. Yeah, that is insight. You sure I didn't just pageise it from... From a previous model. Yeah, from a Rove McMannis.

No. I'm just wondering what the sort of... I was fascinated to know what it's actually pooling that from, how it's formulating that. Yeah, because, like, how does it know to have a go at home and a way? How does it know to have a go at Gogglebox? What's its frame of reference for that? Well, I mean, I can tell you the scientific.

Oh, well, that's far less interesting. But yes, no sure. Well, which is the LLM's large language models are based on the breakthrough that realizes that you don't actually have to know where you're heading. And actually humans, it's led to a theory that actually humans probably don't know where they're heading when they start a sentence, right? And so what they have is they have a thin veneer of sort of the rules of grammar, essentially, the semiotics of language.

So that they don't talk nonsense, right? So it's just basically a framework of how sentences. and meaning it's constructed, which is fairly easy to build. And then they, you know, look at trillions of pages of content. And the way it works is it doesn't think ahead. It doesn't go, a large language model doesn't go, I'm starting the next sentence with therefore, and I know where it's heading.

They instead go, okay, therefore is the first word. And then it goes, well, what is the next most proper? word in this sentence, given what I'm talking about, across the span of a trillion pages. And for ages, these large language models were stuck, right, because they'd go, okay, well, we should put out the most probable word. And the breakthrough came, and it was only a couple of years ago, that somebody had the breakthrough to go, actually, if you make it too, like, probabilistic, like, if you actually just go for the most probable word each time. It sounds a bit like autocorrect or something like that.

It actually becomes very repetitious very quickly and it's incredibly boring. But if you actually dial down the predictability to about 80%, so one in every four words that you say is actually something that's not as predictable. You're not picking the most predictable thing. You're dialing it down, you're being slightly unpredictable in what, you know, so it knows. It knows. There's a range of words that you possibly could put out there. And it picks from, you know, what is a bit predictable. Some of the time, definitely the one that's most predicted, but some of the time not predicted.

And that's how it creates that thing. So, you know, it comes up with a semiotic framework that says, you know, oh, there's lots of really good shows and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, creates that sentence. And then it's looking for the end of that gag. and it comes up with the end of that gag in the same way that you or I would if we're just extemporising a joke

which is you sort of go well what's a shitty show on TV I don't know, home and away you know and and that joke that style of joke has been made enough in the trillions of pages that are on the web that it's been trained with

that it's sort of it's a different you know like as you do as a comedian you you take the same form when you insert new noun into it, or new proper noun into it. And, yeah, there you go. Yeah, and so, and you, because you will,

I feel like you got onto this quite early. I feel like it was even maybe, well, I mean, yeah, well, we got leaked, well, we got given this early access. Like, several years ago, it would have been like 2020. That was my memory of it that it was a while back. It might have even been 2019, which was the, it was called GPT3 at that point. So it wasn't, it wasn't a chatbot. It was this really weird thing.

But we got into trouble because the person who gave us that login said, now you're not allowed to publish it anywhere, right? But it's strictly confidential. And so I immediately did a podcast episode about it. And then they found out the GPT people found out about it and pulled his license, like his access to it. I sort of fucked him up for a while. But it was a lot of fun.

And even them, we were getting scuba. Yeah. Well, that's the thing, because it does, I think we were always, we always acted on the assumption that, well, it'll never learn creativity. It'll never, yeah. And in fact, it's the opposite. Like, what you realize is, actually, the job of cleaning toilets is safe and serving food is safe. What is going to be wiped out by AI is things like painting and writing. And we will just be serving the machines as they live a life of creativity. Creativity. I saw, I think it was a tweet or something the other day, which was great, which is,

I think the gist of it was like, can we get some of these AIs to take plastic out of the ocean or do they all have to be screenwriters? Yes, exactly. Exactly. Yeah, no, I thought we, I thought there was a while where I was sort of smugly going around. Well, we're safe. But I think it is true. Like, you look at, like, I try and get it to write things for me.

And you always go, like, those gags that you gave about the Logies, you go, yeah, they're all right, but, like, they're not. Yeah, but compared to, but you got to, I'm using the current Logies as a sort of benchmark. And I say, that's pretty good. So compared to what we've had over the last 20 years, those jokes are solid. You wouldn't be surprised to hear those jokes. And so that was what was sort of a line was just, like, like, oh, well, why would you even pay someone to write anything?

Because if that's the level, that's fine. Like, that's disturbing. I mean, that said, there are three other jokes in there that I didn't read out, which were just sort of nonsense. So, you know, it's not a perfect strike rate, but there's enough gold in the pan. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important.

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It sounds like you're a cyber. Are you a cyber optimist or cyberpans? Well, it's funny you should ask because this week I'm actually hosting the inaugural Cybersecurity Awards in Canberra. So I'm having to become very familiar with the world of cyber.

Yeah, wow. That's it. So I'm frantically. And look, it may well end up being that I go, you know what, ChachyPT, I need some jokes about cyber. What have you got? I might as well ask.

Might as well see what it's got to say. Well, I'm going to ask you know right now. Tell us five jokes about cyber security. Security for a conference in Canberra, Australia. I'm not terrified that they're going to be better than the jokes I've already prepared. No, there will be definitely not.

Why did the cyber security expert bring a ladder to work? Why? Because they heard the servers had high security and they wanted to climb over it. Interesting. Next. Oh, this is. This is reassuring. It is reassuring.

But these are very depressing jokes. What's a hacker's? favorite type of footwear? What is a hacker's, what is a hacker's favorite type of footwear? Sneakers. Golly, wow. Okay. Why did the scarecrow become a cyber security analyst? I don't know. Why did the scarecrow become a cybersecurity analyst? Because it was outstanding in its field. Extraordinary. Yeah. How many have we got left? How did the, you might be able to repurpose this one. Okay. How did the computer respond when it was told a joke about cybersecurity? How did the computer respond when it was told a joke about cybersecurity?

You're already, I don't know. It laughed. Then, it's more. It laughed. That would be funny. That's a funny joke. But no, it laughed then promptly encrypted itself just to be safe. It's terrible.

Why did the programmer get kicked out of the grocery store? They kept scanning everything as password one, two, three, instead of using the actual barcode. Okay, well, I think my job is safe for this week. I've got another week. I think partly the interpretation of jokes being a one-two. Yes, as opposed to a sort of funny line. Monologue or something.

Yeah. That's all right. That's very... That's very reassuring. They're very reassuring. I can breathe a cyber loop. Maybe the cybersecurity people have hacked into chat GPT to prevent you from using it. That's what's happened.

They're awake up to me. They knew that I would... They knew this. guy had no cyber material. Okay, I've just asked it. I think I might, oh, by the way, Mark, it just ends with, remember to adapt the jokes to the specific audience and setting. Oh, it tells you that.

Injecting some local humour or references related to Canberra or Australia to make them even more relatable and enjoyable for the conference attendees. Hang on, that's telling us to do that. Yeah. That's got some nerve where that's its job. I know. Oh, yes. You know what Canberra is.

Remember to make the jokes good. Oh, thank you, chat, GPT. Okay, I'm going to get you to read out this comedy monologue that's created. And then we can leave. You can go away after this. But I've just asked, write a comedy monologue about cyber security. Ladies and gentlemen, we're very pleased today. Here we are in Canberra to have with us Joking Japster,

Mark Humphreys, from ABC's 730 program, who is going to give us a bit of a lowdown on cyber security over to you, Mark. Thank you, Charles. Ladies and gentlemen, gather round, because today we're diving into the wild world of cyber security. Now, I know what you're thinking. Cyber security, comedy? Are those two even compatible?

Well, hold on to your firewalls, folks, because I'm about to prove that laughter and online safety can go hand in hand. Let me start by saying that cybersecurity is no laughing matter. It's a serious business. But you know what they say? If you can't laugh about it, you might as well unplug and live in a cave. So here we go.

This is very heartening. Have you ever noticed how complicated some passwords are? I mean, seriously, it's like we're trying to crack the Da Vinci Code just to access our bank accounts. Must contain one uppercase letter, one lowercase letter, a number, a symbol, a hieroglyph,

and a unicorn secret handshake. I'm telling you. If remembering passwords was an Olympic sport, we'd all be gold medalists in forgetfulness. But seriously. And then we have those security questions. You know, the ones designed to prove that you are, in fact, you? What's your mother's maiden name?

What was the name of your first pet? What's the airspeed velocity of an unlady swallow? Who comes up with these questions? Are we supposed to carry around a pocket-sized biography, just in case we forget who we are? But, you know, it's not just about, I'm adding the, you know, it's not just about passwords and security questions. We also have those dreaded captures. You know, those swiggly lines and blurry images we're supposed to decipher to prove we're not robots.

I don't know about you, but I've failed those things more times than I'd like to admit. Sometimes I wonder if the only reason they exist is to secretly mock us. You want to access this website? Sure, but only if you can identify the picture of a traffic light in this grainy photo taken on a wrong. rainy day. But you know... That is a joke told specifically from chat GPT's

own perspective. These captures are really hard. Actually, what I am finding slightly unnerving is that there are references here to things that I have already written. I haven't written these exact jokes, but I did have a reference to a traffic light in my current

notes, so I'm now thinking twice about it. And let's not forget about fishing. emails. They're like the scam artists of the digital world. They show up in your inbox, pretending to be your long-lost cousin from a remote island, offering you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to claim your inheritance. Yeah, right. If I had a dollar of every fishing email I received, I'd have enough money to buy the entire internet and secure it with a giant padlock. But, you know, despite... But despite all the... But despite all the... challenges, cybersecurity is essential in our interconnected world. So let's give a round of applause

to those cyber security experts who spend their days warding off digital threats and keeping us safe. They're the unsung heroes of the internet, the guardians of our virtual lives, and the reason we can still sleep at night knowing our data is hopefully protected. So the next time you're struggling with a password or deciphering a capture, just remember you're not alone. We're all in this together. mitigating the digital maze and laughing in the face of cyber threats. And if all else fails, just remember to unplug, take a deep breath and enjoy some good old-fashioned offline humor. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

And remember, stay secure, stay funny and stay connected. But only to the right networks. See, you got very earnest towards the end there. Yeah. Got really sort of heartfelt. You know, folks, we've had a lot of fun here tonight. Let's just get serious about cyber security. There's nothing funny about cyber security.

I dare you. I dare you to do that, no. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to perform a comedic monologue about cybersecurity, but let me just say, there's nothing funny. Here's what you can do. That was extraordinary. There was one line that was all right. I can't remember what it was.

it was. No, I can't know what it was, but maybe I've imagined it. Maybe it made me think of a different joke. But I'm fascinated by its understanding of rhythms and... Well, that had all the rhythm without any of the content. Yes. That was, well, it was a bit like a computer or an alien seeing a monologue, not understanding any of the actual content,

but actually just getting the cadence, right? Yes, yes. Yes, that's fascinating. I've seen an actual human do that. Is there a comedian who'd be able to make that funny? Like, those lines funny. I think maybe like a, if you were someone like a Stephen Wright or something, if you had a, there might be like a deadpan delivery or something

that could just, if you just stripped all the sort of emotion and character out of it. There might be some weirdly absurd. Yeah, I think, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think there probably is a way. I think like Norm McDonald's, it was a brilliant monologue he did once for one of those Comedy Central roasts. And he just read out jokes from a joke book. And it was hysterical because it was, it was all just,

hang, Clarus Leachman is here. They say you're over the hill. not in the car, you drive and he would just hold it and you just sort of stare down in the audience and it's like, yeah, John Stamos is here and they say he's got a lot on his mind.

Yeah, a hat! There is a way to do it. You've got to go sort of anti-comedy though. Well, I dare you. I bet you do. You won't be there. You won't have to face that audience. Do you promise?

Do I promise to read that out? Yeah, to send that to me and I will see if I can do something with that. Oh, yeah. All right. Can we leave it there? Yes, let's definitely leave it there. Well, there you go. I promise next time you tune in, Dom will be back.

It'll be actual proper content, not just reading out things that robots have written. That's all right. But thank you so much for coming in and covering for Dom these last few days. Oh, my. absolute pleasure and um i hope he's um uh all right but he's obviously undergoing is some sort of serious it's a it's quite a serious look i assume so but i don't really you don't really care about care about him so i don't i never like when he you know it's like oh yeah oh something about a funeral yeah you hear the word hospital and you just go i don't need to know mate

just just who's filling in yeah that's our gear is from robe we're part of the iconoclass network Catch you to, well, catch you, whenever, catch you, catch you later. You did that on every single recording. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. FIS is 100% online so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month.

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