The Chaser Report - Cheesiest Episode Ever | Andrew Hansen

Episode Date: December 8, 2022

Andrew likes cheese. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report. I'm Charles Firth, and with me today is the best, Andrew Hanson. The best of the Andrew Hansons is here. Hello, best Charles Firth. It's nice to be here. It's very nice to be here.

How you go? Have you been eating anything nice recently? Oh, I certainly have. I'm glad you are. Because I've taken to eating cheese for breakfast now. It's a really good breakfast. Well, I got the idea. Some people have said I'm mad, but if you go to a hotel breakfast buffet, right, they have some pretty unusual breakfast foods there.

They often have salad. You know, for some reason, some people seem to eat lettuce and tomato with carrots for breakfast with dressing. But they also, they always have cheese there. Yes, they do. Yeah, and I thought, bloody ill, why should we restrict cheese to only a hotel breakfast buffet? Oh, you know, I'm going to stop doing this myself. There's a very, very good reason, which is that your cholesterol levels will go through the roof and you'll die at the age of Shane Warren.

Well, I don't care about that. Warren, he had a very good innings. I don't think he died from cheese. That's for sure. I think there may have been some other factors at play there. So I, anyway, look, the other great thing that I've discovered about, because, you know, things are so bloody expensive these days, aren't they? The prices are going up.

But at coals and bullies, you can buy all these. amazing stinky cheeses from Europe and they're not too but I mean look they're a little bit pricier than your mainland cheddar or your uh the cheese colst tasties where we the colstates which is a good one or the cheese formerly known as a racist epithet yeah which is now called the cheer I believe oh yes yes but you know I've I've been doing a bit of research in just the most revolting stinky cheeses from around the world oh wow okay for bring you a lot through a little tour of those of, yeah. Yeah, okay, so this is like breakfast cheeses.

Yeah, like really offensively rich, stinky breakfast cheeses that you might start your day with. This sounds horrific. I love this idea. I love, as you know, I love it. We bonded when we first met Andrew over our shared love of cheese. Yeah, we did. Do you remember Gindi triple cream brie? Oh, I never forget Gindi triple cream brie.

It gave me, I mean, it gave me terrible sort of lactose agonies. And nightmare. I remember you used to have cheese nightmares when you... Terrible nightmares, yes. Because we were young, so we'd eat a wheel of it, each. But the good thing about eating cheese for breakfast is you get to digest it all the way through the day, so you don't get cheese nightmares. You work it off.

You work it off during the day. And, you know, your co-workers, if you're not a work-from-home person, your co-workers can also, you know, they'll enjoy the smell on your breath. they'll be able to talk to you about. It'll give you something to talk about, a conversation starter. Well, I want to start off with what's often known

as the stinkiest cheese in the world, which is from Burgundy in France. That's Epoise de Bourgagne. I don't know. Have you tried an Epoena? I've never even heard of it. You haven't had any poise? No.

They aged in not only brine, but brandy as well. And it's remarkably smell. It's so smelly, Charles. Can you guess what you're not allowed to do with an Epoise de Bourgogne in France. You're not allowed to eat it in public. Is that right?

Yeah, very close, very close. It's banned on public transport. You're not allowed to take it, right? Which I think is priceless that they even had to introduce that law. There must have been people taking it on the bus. It'd be a spate of incidents. Yes, oh, yes. Instead of, like, racist public transport rants like we do in Australia,

they get videos of people unwrapping of really stinky cheese oh no no no no we must get these gendarmes to deal with this get off his bus so that's why because I remember one of the

I did French at high school and one of the first phrases that we learned was can you please get this cheese off the bus that's right you've got to learn that like yeah it's right it's right up there with the pen of my arm

it's the second phrase you learn do you have any tasting notes on it like did you taste it or did you just smell it you don't even need to taste it I mean look if you can even get close to what you're doing well it's quite well on you can't keep it in the fridge your whole it wrecks your whole fridge to the point you have to like buy a new fridge

you have to go to Harvey Norman and say oh I made the mistake of putting a plus of Morgan in my old fridge so can I have a new one But Harvey Norman would give you a free refund, wouldn't they? Oh, it's covered. Yeah. Yeah, it's stinky cheeses as part of the warranty.

Yeah, yeah. It's considered just wear and tear. Now, there's another one that's made. It's quite a new cheese, actually. It was only launched in the 90s. The British cheese that is made in fermented pear juice. And I love the, the honesty of this one. It's just called Stinking Bishop.

Oh, great. Yeah. That's one of those. I'm not that keen. on a stinking bishop and are they and it's from England isn't it so the stinking bishops also completely homophobic and quite

misogyns. He would be yes he's probably a stinking pido as well the world's only pedophilic cheese yeah oh dear yeah okay there's a one I've discovered here and I love the tasting notes

on this one there's his Italian one called the Breschenella Stajunata and the The tasting notes from one cheese shop on this, they say this is meant to convince you to buy it, I think. Smells of damp hay and old milk. Oh, yes, that would be lovely. That's delicious. But it is lovely.

That's the thing. You're a cheese lover. You understand that that is actually really quite good, isn't it? Yeah. And what would you, what do you eat with it? Because you're having it for breakfast on your corn flakes or something? Yeah, it was just next to your neutra grain. Yeah, yeah.

Me. I bet you a billion dollars, that is good. I bet you, because it would be like a... It would be like a sweet jam. The NutriGrain would act as a crunchy sweet jam. It would be lovely. It would give us some texture. Okay, we're going to try it.

Next time you're in Sydney, we're going to buy one. Yes. And for breakfast, we'll go. Yeah, bloody hell. I think that is going to be so good. Yes, yes, I want that. I mean, the Nutrograin, it also kind of reminds me of the NutriGrain of giving a bit of texture like the you know there's that quite famous sardinian cheese that crawls with

maggots oh yes yes you're supposed to eat it while they're crawling around because i read up on it a bit further it's considered unsafe to eat if the maggots have died if they're crawling about then that's good that's how you know it's good to eat but aren't maggots like fly pupa like how we wouldn't be able we wouldn't be allowed to import that into australia though would be I don't think you are, you know, unless it escapes on its own, unless the flies fly it over here, you know, past security. No, but they're not just any old flies, Charles. I don't think they're like the Australian blowy.

I don't think they're just like blowflies. It's a type of fly. It's a specific species of fly. Oh, okay, right. So they're quite wholesome maggot. Because I was thinking of setting up my own cheese business here and just getting some cheer cheese, leaving it out, leaving it out,

the flies interested in us. Yes. And selling it as a sort of gourmet cheer. Chie-do fly, you know, maggot thing. Well, that sounds delicious. Now, the name of that cheese interest me is the other thing I learned. It's called Kasumarzu. Charles, I'll just give you a bit of a language quiz here, just pretty quickly. Okay, yep.

Casu Marzu stands for what? A, House of Bliss. B, House of Flavor. or sea rotten cheese well casu i would have thought meant hows it what language is it it's well i think it's an actual sardinian dialect you know that's only spoken in sardinia you don't know sardinian well i'm just rusty on my everything and that's why i asked what language it was because it was a bit confusing because i mean it sounds a bit portuguese there's elements of it could be masked like all the different languages i know

I'm going to go with rotten cheese. You are correct, yes. Yeah, yeah, I remember that. I remembered that. It's a bit like the stinking bishop, but they just call it what it is. It's just rotten cheese. Yeah. And now the last one, I'll just want one more.

Oh, sorry, what do you want to say? Well, no, I just want to know what to pair that with. Like, if we've got Nutragram for the other one. Oh, yes. As a breakfast, look, I haven't actually been able to buy it. This is the problem. Like you said, I haven't found a Casimazu in Australia. So I haven't tried it with my brecky, but I would have thought, you know,

just bang it on top of vegamil and toast. Oh, okay. Yeah, no, that's... A bit of maggot cheese. That's good. Very... Yeah, yeah, give it an Aussie twist. Some umami flavour to...

Yeah, yeah. To go in there with the maggots. The other... This is the last one. Speaking of insect-y sort of cheese, there is one called a Melbourne Kessa. And I think a Melbourne Kessa is German. German, yeah, German.

Have you tried that one? No, I just know that Kese is German. Oh, yeah, okay, well, there you go. God, you and your... Yeah, I'm just astonishing. Very multilingual. Now, can you guess how they ferment a Melbourne case, which is also incredibly spanked?

It's German, it will definitely have beer in it. I think that's... Ah, good guess. No, well, not so much beer as mites. Oh, what? They need mites. Why? But what do the mites do, Charles?

This is the quiz. A, is it fermented by the mites crawling through the cheese? Or B, by the mites licking the cheese? with their little mighty tongues or see the mit's eating the cheese and then pooing it out. Yeah, that's it.

That's it, yes. You're eating mite turns. Might poo, yeah, yeah. Because that would be delicious. That's what makes it so poo-like. So mighty. Is that the tasting note? Is the tasting note tastes like poo?

It tastes like mite shit. That's the one that should be served with vegamite, surely because it'd be vegetable mite cheese yeah yeah maybe a cheesy might a cheesy mite role a cheesy mite cheesy mite that's the Australian word for it I love cheesy I remember when that was called I snack 2.0 yeah everyone went everyone got angry yeah but I love that stuff well I feel like this has been a very Eurocentric segment and I feel like there's diversity you need diversity yeah because You know, like you've lent into the cliche that Europe has much better cheeses than Australia.

I think next time, you need to review the mainland. You need to review the mainland. You need to review cheer. I should. I should. Coles. The Aldi cheese. There's tons. I know. I think you're right. You've called out my cultural cringe there. And I think also like probably I should review some Chinese cheeses, the renowned cheeses of China. and Taiwan. What a fantastic range of breakfast options you've.

Now, do you have an emergency hotline for emergency levels of cholesterol that people can call once they've tried these cheeses? Yeah, I'm told that you can either just phone triple zero or if you want to be on hold for a very long time, just phone your local medical system. Ah, yes, perfect. Yeah, because can you do telehealth when you're having a heart attack? Is that possible?

Well, I think you can. I mean, they prefer to be there, I think, to just look at the situation. But you can probably describe the symptoms over the phone. I suppose the point is, if you're going to have a heart attack, ring up, like, four or five days beforehand, book in a time with your GP so that they'll be there by the time. Yeah, you're having an appointment. Planning is everything with these things. Yeah, nowadays, yeah. Well, there you go.

Breakfast, Cheeses, with Andrew Hansen. You can't get that sort of quality content anywhere else. Our gear is from Road, and we're part of the ACASTCRED network. Catch you next week. Bye.