The Chaser Report - Clover War- Sorry We Mean Moore

Episode Date: October 22, 2023

Dom and Charles once again take a stab at solving the conflict in the Middle East. The White House reportedly has Charles on standby. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Dom, I've come up with a solution to the Middle East crisis. Wow. Okay, because we won't show whether to talk about this this time, because the possibility to get it horribly wrong, even by our standard, seems quite high in this situation. And also, we did actually attempt to record an episode just shortly before this episode, and it ended in such cancelable comment.

It didn't go well. It ended in you going, you know, I'm not even going to say that to you, Charles. I don't want to hear it to record or I was going to record into a microphone. And it wasn't in any way like a wrong opinion. It was just an anecdote about my past, which has a weird connection to something awful that happened. That's all, that's what, that's all it is. I don't even have a bad opinion. It's just unhappy coincidence.

Which neatly summarises the whole of the Middle East, really, basically. No, Charles, you've thought for a moment. come up with a solution. I can't wait to hear it. The world is on Tenderhooks. I'm sure that in the situation room in the White House right now, they're sitting there and the chairman of the Joint Chiefs is just saying to the Chaser report, don't worry.

Firth's got it. Yes. He's got a solution. At last. At last. You'll hear what it is and I will hear what it is after this. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important.

Can't take big. on hold anymore. FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. Well, it's worth the wait, Dom. I can promise you it was worth the way. Mr. President, at your service. Which is, I think what we need to do to solve the entire Middle East crisis. This better not be chased of merchandise, by the way. is to put an Israeli flag on the Sydney Town Hall. Oh, thank goodness.

Yes. Thank goodness someone's come up with a solution. Yes, but the only problem is that the Lord Mayor of Sydney, Clover Moore, who frankly has become a bit too big for her boots over the years, have scotched the peace plan. She is getting too big for her boots. You know what happened earlier in the very same day? The very same day, when Clover announced that she was going to oppose the Israeli flag

being projected on Sydney Town Hall. On the same day, she won a battle she's been going on about for many years, many years. Clover Moore has been trying to get the Moore Park Golf Course. This is a golf course near the SCG in inner city Sydney, cut down from 18 holes to nine holes. And the East Wales government announced only hours before this that they were going along with her proposal. But they decided it was stupid, given that they've built, I don't know, 10 to 20,000 new apartments immediately opposite the golf course.

Yes. To have that much space being used only for golf in the dense inner city. And so having won and having, you know, open up this new park that won't have any golf in it, Charles. It was completely inappropriate use of public space. Yes. Not having golf. Yeah. She's been emboldened to stop the Israeli flag being projected.

Well, you could say that she felt that she'd won her own golf war. Oh, my God. Yes. Yes. She won the Gulf War and then she scotched peace in the Middle East. I think this is going to reverberate around the world because if that flag is not broadcast or, I mean, there was such an opportunity there. It was a golden moment. I think back to, when was it,

Yasser Arafat, Bill Clinton, remember that? Yeah, absolutely. And then they... It was the closest we came to peace. You know what didn't happen on that day? Two of them were there. Was it? Yitzat Rabin, was it?

Yitzat Rabin was there. Shimon Peres. I think it was Yitzhak Rabin. Yeah. The reason we can't remember, you know why? It's because no one projected the Israeli flag on the town hall. Because I think what that would lead to is everyone in Gaza would just lay down their and we'd go, you know what, it's over.

Sydney Town Hall has spoken. Charles, and the Israelis, we'd also go, you know what, why have we been fighting these Palestinians? Let's give them voting rights. Let's just invite them in. We can all get along because Sydney Town Hall has just put a flag, our flag, on their building. Well, it's what they really want.

Yes. That's what they're fighting over. People say it's all about territory. It's all about settlements and so on. It's actually about the right to see on Sydney Town Hall, the Israeli flag. Now, Charles, it's worth reminding everybody that early in the conflict, within a day or two of it breaking out of the atrocity committed by Hamas or the horrible murders and kidnappings and so on,

Chris Mins, the Nisophiles Premier, had already decided to project, you know, on the Sydney Opera House. We already had the Israeli colours being projected. That, though, I mean, Sydney Opera House is no Sydney Town Hall. Oh, no, exactly. It's a much less of building. Well, I think what happened was everyone in Israel and Gaza saw things moved a bit. Yeah.

When they saw the Sydney Opera House. Oh, it definitely helped. Yeah. It was very influential. Yeah. And then it was like if there's just one more thing, if we could just get Sydney Town Hall on board as well. That's right.

Then peace will break out. And they got the Australian Federal Parliament. That already happened as well. But again, much less than the Town Hall. When they built the Australian Parliament, it was the most expensive building in the world. I think it cost a billion dollars at the time. Right.

It's not the Sydney Town Hall. No town hall. No. And Charles, just picture. Just picture, if you will, a kid in Gaza, as we say this, with no water. Going to bed tonight. No food. Just feeling completely bereft, feeling abandoned by the world.

The aid started to trickle through as we speak, but it's not nearly enough. And then the mother has to come up to her as she's going to sleep, and she's already starving. She's really hungry. She hasn't had a proper meal in days. Or water, they're parched. But some things are more important than water, Charles. And her mum whispers to her and says, They're not letting them broadcast an Israeli flag on the town hall in Sydney.

I mean, hasn't that child suffered enough without hearing about the flag? I mean, what hope do we have in the world if you can't even get that happening? It's for peace. It's for peace. Yeah, because broadcasting one side of a conflict's flag is always the most peaceful way to reach a peace settlement. It really shows solidarity with both sides. Yeah, it's exactly. Because, Charles, if you think of, for instance, the West Bank,

unlike Gaza, it is basically controlled by Israel, the West Bank. So that's under the Israeli flag in many ways, even though. Technically, there's a Palestinian flag. Yes, so in some ways, you're right, it's solidarity with Palestine by putting the Israeli flag. It does address both sides. I see where you're going. Yes. And so I'm just sad, Charles, that we chose to do podcasting in an audio medium.

So we couldn't display the Israeli flag throughout the course of this episode. Well, it would have done a huge amount. I mean, Sydney Town Hall's one thing, but The Chaser Report podcast. with Dom and Charles. Okay, let's take an ad break. And while we do this, if everyone's just listening, just on your device, whatever device it is, get out the Israeli flag.

If you've got a projector in your house or a TV handy. Yes, or a town hall. Town hall handy, yeah, that's fine. Or even just in your heart. An opera house. Yeah. Even in your mind's eye or just in your heart. Yes, just get up the Israeli flag and just plant it there.

Yes. Or if you've got a starving, dying child in a bed nearby, go and put it in the Israeli flag on them. With a texter. Yeah. If you need to. You can just go and draw some on the wall, can he? Well, we just take this moment.

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News you can't trust. So Clover Moore doesn't want this to happen. She doesn't want the flag on the Town Hall. What is going on? I mean, what else can she now weigh into and destroy? I'm thinking that possibly the reason why climate change is just out of control and we've got the El Nino back. Yeah, that's Clover as well.

Well, because you saw what she did in, because we're in her local council area and she refused to make part of the park a dog park. Yeah. And so I think that that's climate change over. I mean, she's gone for some. many years about trying to destroy petrol-powered cars and, you know, getting all the electric car staff and building cycle ways and all that. And that's basically fixed everything up, hasn't it?

Oh, yeah. Climate change is, it's as good as over. There's actually an asterisk in the global figures saying that but for Sydney City Council, the numbers would be much, much higher. You know the big problem with all the bike paths in the city of Sydney area? Because I just, on the weekend, went out of the city of Sydney area. Oh, no, you know. Don't do that.

Another council area. I find the huge problem with the bike paths around here is that they don't have enough Israeli flags on them. That's true. They're green. They're covered in green. In fact, the green is almost, you know what, Charles. There's the green and then there's the black bitchement of the road. Oh, no.

If there was red there, white it would be red. Well, there's white lines. Yes. Not that far off the Palestinian flag. No one's displaying the Palestinian flag. Well, every time I fall off my bike and break my elbow. Yes, which you do regularly. There's blood, so that's red.

The thing that Israel really needs is just a few more people taking it. their side and only their side in this conflict. Oh, I think we all agree with that, yes. And a lot of people have been saying more needs to be said. Bessim Yusuf? Oh, yes, from the Chaser lecture, yeah, a wonderful comedian. He was on Pierce Morgan the other

day. Have you seen the video? Oh, it's fantastic. Let's just play a bit so there's actually some satire in this episode. I would say I really applaud Israel for doing one thing that no military force in the world does. Because I heard Ben Shapiro and I heard Ron DeSantis. And they said, they said, Israel is the only military force in the world that

warn civilians before bombing them. I mean, how fucking cute. That is so nice of them. Because with this logic, if Russian troops started warning Ukrainians before bombing their houses, we're cool with Putin, right? I mean, OK, Habibi, you have warned them, go invade. It's fine. You have done your job. What I like about him is he's very clover-like. Yes. his support of Israel, isn't he? Can you imagine Glovermore doing gear? I've seen her speak a few times. It's just not a mode she has.

No. Jokes. She is about 120. I think she's running again. The reason why she's so anti-peace in the Middle East is because she's as old as conflict in the Middle East. And I think, oh, she certainly, she'd be older than... She's older than the State of Israel.

Is she old than the State of Israel is 3,000 years old, Don. So you don't want to get cancelled. Depends how you define it. Look, to me, I think. think the issue is what next for, well, essentially the warlord of Australia, Clovermore, because she's ruined peace in the Middle East. She's clearly on a path to destroy climate change by not doing enough about the bike parts. Yeah.

She's ruining fun. Yes. Yeah. And it's going to be harder to complain about noise pollution. Have you seen this? She's working in cohorts with the government. Again, are they going to make it so that if you buy a house next to a pub that has like gigs late at night, you're not going to be allowed to complain about the gigs?

You live quite near a pub. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no, because we live in such a boring area now, and it's not open past 10. But I used to live on a street with three noisy pubs that are often open at 3am. Oh, yeah. And, of course, I complained about them regularly. Oh, were you...

It was in the CBD. You're a nimbia. Right in the CPD. Yeah, yeah, you moved in right next to a pub and then complained about it. Yeah, that's right. And did it help property prices in the air? No. No, no, they did it very badly.

But, no, regularly at 3am, the kind of windows would rattle with the sound of a gig, and I wanted to try it. try and destroy that's fun. Yes. And now you can't not allowed to do that anymore. At the beginning of this episode, I feel like I have over-promised a little bit on the promise of this episode, which, as I said, I've got a solution for peace in the Middle East. And unfortunately, because of Clover Moore, that's been totally ruined.

Well, we'll never know. We'll never, your plan, the first plan. Yes. And it's already being discussed by scholars of international peace movements. Yes. She's not going to allow it. So we'll never know. So what else can we do?

What's plan B here? Well, the other solution that I had is, and I think this one would definitely work, is, and can you just now cut the podcast out and make it go to an ad? Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. FIS is 100% online so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca.