The Chaser Report - Coal Lotta Christmas

Episode Date: December 17, 2020

This week, Charles flogs coal for Christmas, Dom tells his kid about Santa, and Zoe updates you on the latest up-the-minute hacks from Kmart. Plus Rebecca De Unamuno with some less urgent, non-Kmart news updates. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In times like these, it's important to know who you can trust. At last, a new source that's reliably reliable, informatively informational and never wrong. Unfortunately, you're not listening to it. Instead, you're listening to The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report. Zoe Not in Lodge, Charles Firth and me, Domite, with you this week. Welcome aboard. Now, guys, I've got a bit of a question.

would you like to buy some spare coal? Oh, it's a bit yesterday's energy source, isn't it? I mean, it's like, I guess maybe Santa might want it for like the bad kids. Yeah, let's get a lump of coal. Nice idea, nice idea, because I don't know whether you've heard, but China's just banned the importing of coal into the country. And so we've got like, I don't know, just like 14. billion worth of spare coal going, including like $300 million worth off the coast of China

right at the moment, they can't get into China. So maybe, do you know, Sanders, though? Like, could we, you know, sort of do a deal? Not that, a little bit of, like, enough to sort of, like, I could probably do like an e-intro with you. It wouldn't be too awkward. Yeah. Hope you well.

Yeah. I had another just idea of what we could do with it. I reckon we could market it to, like, the Writers' Festival set. You know, like, the middle-aged women who go to Writers' festivals, they wear, like, acres of resin jewelry. Oh, they do. I reckon we could, like, kind of just, like, string together lumps of coal into bracelets and probably sell them for, like, $500 each.

Or them pre-diamonds. Earthy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Pre-diamonds, I like it. What if we sold it to the world's lawn bowls clubs, so that instead of her, so it's just lawn coal? You throw the coals

And they're uneven So it's more difficult to get them to go where they're going And I think I think that could Maybe not 14 billion But probably 12 or 13 We could sell them to that like Colonic Irrigation Clinic in Bondi Yeah I mean we could

We could burn it for energy ourselves It would destroy our environment I'd much rather that China does it I mean that's the responsible position Yeah that is the responsible position Dom Is you let somebody else to it I mean having been to China The air is impossible to breathe

then it basically kills you. So it's probably a good position that they're holding. But, you know, I think they should just buy it anyway. Go on, China. That's wrong. What's the deal? We could just, like, make the world's biggest eyeliner pencil. Amazing.

That would be pretty big. For the Earth. Yeah, we could literally... It could have some beautiful, like, little batwing eyes. Yeah, really good. Or get Elon Musk involved. He could take it up to Mars or, like, the moon or something. You could draw eyeliner on the men.

man in the moon, make him far more attractive, get rid of our coal. That is very, very good. And he could put it on those rockets that he has that blows up. They'd blow up for longer if they had coal on board. The other thing we could do, actually, all that stuff that's off China right now, imagine if we actually just dumped it in the ocean, all the coal, build an artificial island and then put a military base on it right next to China. That's what they would do.

I think that's a responsible thing to do. Let's just make a meme. About that idea, the Spratley-Oxie. Islands mean. Yeah, everyone will like that. The holy islands. It's good. I'm really well.

What else are we doing on the show today? Well, you mentioned Santa. I've got a Santa related dilemma to discuss her. I don't know why this podcast keeps including parenting advice, given the consistent crapness, but maybe I'll do the opposite of what you say vis-a-santa. Zoe? Oh, what am I doing on the show today? Oh, okay, guys.

So, you know, when we used to have a different radio show, I had a segment called Kmart News, where I would troll the real news for stories about Kmart and literally every day I would find like 11. It's a really under explored news topic and I have a very special Kmart news story to share with everybody. There must be thousands since we stopped doing that project elsewhere. Thousands of Kmart news stories that you can pick and choose from. It is a treasure trove. I'm glad I'm glad I've cracked it open again and it was just, it was really, really hard to choose one, but I found one that I hope will bring some Christmas cheer. And I'm going to tell you about the biggest disaster that I've had this year.

Wow. And given the long history of your commercial-related business disasters, I mean, how does it react? Just tease us a little bit. Compared to $14 billion worth of coal that can't get into China. It's on par. I reckon it's sort of, it's the coal embargo of, business-related, of live entertainment. How does it compare to the fact that you literally just told us before we started a recording that you've abandoned both your children at the pub? Yeah, that's another issue that might be worth raising. Look, I don't want to say anything because it could be used against me in a court of law.

Yeah. Let's go to Rebecca Day and the Mooner if you chase the news headlines. I'd just like to say, so abandoned is such a harsh word to lose. No, no, no. When one of them just finished year six. Okay, no, no. And it's clearly capable of adult responsibility. No, I'm going to explain myself.

Okay, we're not going to go to the headlines. We're going to, I'm going to explain. This is a headline, friends. It will be its headline tomorrow. No, solely males, honorary on it. So all the year six parents organized a gathering at the pub to include them as well as their kids. Gosh, I wonder how the year six parents managed to settle up on the pub for this event. What a surprise.

And so I, but I was working tonight because I'm doing the podcast. Yeah. And so is my wife. She's working. So I said, okay, well, I'll take them long. I'll give them something to eat, and then I'll leave for work, right? Children's still at the pub. But I sort of, I didn't quite clock that, yeah, like all the year sixes are at the pub.

So my eldest son wants to be there. And so I just left them at the pub. And I said, told my youngest, well, you can just walk home if you're getting bored. I mean, no one could accuse you of being a helicopter parent, could they? he's 10 I did actually give Hartley because I arrived at the boat because they arrived before me

I arrived at the pub and he said oh can I have your driver's license so I want to get a drink so he goes up to the bar with my driver's license and tries to buy a drink I don't know why the barman rejected him

Zoe is this in the point of being amusing or is this really well past the border into genuinely concerning and possibly reportable. I was just wondering if your kids had to go there first because they could sort of vouch for you. Like they don't normally let you in the pub, but you're with too far more responsible people. All right.

And on that note, let's head to Rebecca Deane and we know. In the Chase Newsroom, but don't think you're off the hook, first. We know. Treasurer Josh Frydenberg has called for an inquiry into the decision by banks to stop investing in the coal industry, saying he can't understand why they won't invest in an industry that is destroying the planet,

and doesn't pay tax. Mr Frydenberg said everyone knows the best way to deal with a dud investment is to keep shoveling more and more money into it knowing that you will never see a return and that by not doing that, the banks were hurting ordinary everyday coal lobbyists. The federal government has announced plans to restrict Santa Claus to only being able to gift the kids of Australia cashless debit cards. The minister in charge, Anne Ruston,

claims it will bring dignity to lazy children while also dealing a massive blow to the socialism that Santa tries to spread each Christmas. Donald Trump has begun workshoping fresh conspiracies for his 2024 election loss. Trump met with his most trusted non-jailed allies at a conveniently located landscape in car park to run through his best excuse ideas, making this the most work he has ever put into planning for an election to date. In the end, Trump is understood to have settled for reusing Hillary Clinton's emails again as the designated 2024 conspiracy. Thanks, Beck.

Hey, Beck, what are you doing for Christmas? I was thinking of imbibing a large amount of drugs to get through Christmas with the family. Oh, I don't have proved it at all. Well, what are you doing? Oh, just wholesome stuff. Champagne at 10 a.m., then beers every 15 minutes until everyone leaves at about 5pm.

But no drugs. Sounds far more wholesome. The Chaser Report, news, a few days after it happens. This episode of The Chaser Report is brought to you by coal. Nobody wants to buy it, so it's lucky Australia converted to clean green energy years ago, huh? The Chaser Report, less news, less often. Kmart News.

Guys, okay, so basically this is a story from the news that I would like to read to you. Okay, are you ready? Kmart fans' amazing $6 DIY secret Santa gift idea. Wait a minute. So this is an actual headline. This is a headline. That's the headline from the news. Kmart fans, amazing, $6.00. I've clicked on that. What is it? What is it? What is it? And it's newsworthy I'm there.

I've already clicked. I want it. I want it. Okay. Calm down. Can you please tell us? Just tell us the news. Okay. Okay. Okay. A Kmart fan has shared her amazing DIY secret Santa gift idea to Facebook with hundreds of users commenting that they will also be trying it out this year. Which is...

I'm just reminding you, this is from the news. The gift was made using the $6.24 compartment storage box found in the fishing section, which she then filled with a number of sweet treats, including biscuits, lollies and chocolates. Oh, like kind of an advent calendar. But hang on, Zoe. It's like a pill container. It's like a pill container, but it's got a couple of strawberries and creams. But hang on, hang on, Zoe.

If the plastic box costs $6.24, the treats cost extra. I call, I call foul. I'm reporting this to the press council. Dumb, you wouldn't be the first. Just hold on, okay? In the comments, oh, so she said she got, oh, she said you got inspiration from the Kmart on his Facebook page. She thanked them for the inspiration. but in the comments section, the person revealed they'd spent $30 on the whole thing

because they were sweet and this caused a lot of controversy amongst the other commenters. And then one person slammed the poster and said the plastic box isn't food safe. Oh. And that they're going to poison everyone. And then somebody hit back and said, it's food-grade plastic made from polyprice. propylene, which is level five in food grading for plastics.

It does not produce any toxins or chemicals when exposed to acids like from food. I mean, and to be fair. And it's safe for the dishwasher and the microwave. So leave the woman alone. If the bait that we use to catch fish that we then eat goes in this box, I'm hoping came out of thought about this because otherwise we might actually have accidentally stumbled on a real news story in the Kmart news segment. Anyway, I just wanted to, just a reminder that that was a.

a story from the news. A woman, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just summarize it for you. Which news service? Like one of the, um, from, like, uh, was it the Guardian. New York Times. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's from the New York Times. Um, but just just to summarize, this news article was that a woman bought a six dollar box from the fishing department of Kmart, put some candy in it. And gave it to a colleague. It's a hack, Zoe. Yeah, it's one of the Kmart hacks.

I mean, they really use the term hack quite loosely, loosely, as though nothing has ever intended to have a purpose and that they've discovered one. You've got a plastic box designed to put things in. You put things in it. I mean, it's, admittedly, it's from the fishing section. That is pretty good going. But if the kids were sort of getting hooks and lines of things to get it.

I just think you're fishing for reasons to like this story. You've taken the bait. I want more. Come on, we need more. More, Kmart. You can't just have one. Come on. Are you kidding?

No news bullet and ever stop with one story, though. Don't you watch the news? Okay, okay, all right. Okay, let me just hold on. Now, this is the thing that, you know, this is your, the listeners are going to learn in real time. It is that easy to find Kmart news. Okay, I found another one.

Okay, I haven't read this one, but I'm just going to read it. We're just going to all learn together, okay? This is another story from the news. I can't vouch for the funniness of this. I'm taking a punt. I haven't read it, okay? It's called Clever Kmart hack will double your fridge space this Christmas. I need that.

That is big. I mean, my fridge is just growing. Double your fridge space. Big offer. Okay. Okay. All right. Okay.

So Christmas is a time of plenty and that means food too. Sure. Mint pies, Christmas ham, Pavlova and each culture special dishes. Blah, blah, blah. There's lots of food. Come on. My mind's not going on the hack. I want the hack me.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. okay okay um now unfortunately um it's not just us that ends up eating with food it's the fridge um uh now however however clever parents online have broken the cramming cycle with an almost frustratingly simple hack that will double your fridge space this christmas i can't wait how doing the rounds on the facebook groups is opposed encouraging us all to use our cooling racks and

oven trays as portable shelves to balance on top of items in the fridge. Look at me. This looks like a plastic. Right. So you go get a like plastic rack to teach her on top of the other items. Okay. Okay. Now, here's the thing.

Where do you think you can get these cooling racks from these oven cooling racks? I don't have an oven. Aldi, Target. Oh, don't be ridiculous. Come on. My supermarket's got them. Yeah. Well, Kmart.

You can get two sets. for $9. They're just saying, put an oven tray on top of a bowl of spaghetti and then put like a cake on top of it. And then you're a fully fledged hacker. Oh my God. You know what you could do after that? Put another oven tray on top of the oven tray.

Let's just see what people have said about it. That's genius. Someone agreed. I never thought of that. Great idea. Another admirer wrote, thanks for sharing. Ingenius, another dubbed the clever hack. Why have I never done this?

One mom, Bermode. It's not the first Christmas-specific hack to make waves online this year. Plenty of decoration enthusiasts have jumped on board a budget trend that turns a $2K-Mart pool noodle into a stunning Christmas table centerpiece. How the hell? I've got those pool noodles. I've got several K-Mart pool noodles. Using hot glue bubbles and fake snow.

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Imagine going to Christmas dinner and some fuck wit has taken a pool noodle and put it in the middle of the table and covered it in bobbles. And the great thing is if you throw it away, it will float back. Anyway, so look, that's the Kmart news for today. Thank you for saving Christmas, Zoe. Oh, any time, boys.

Anytime. The Chaser Report, news you know you can't trust. Now Zoe and Charles, in recent episodes of the podcast, in fact, really all year we've had parenting questions. And I haven't asked many. I've been learning at your feet really in terms of your wisdom. Your kids are older than mine. And something's come up today, actually. And I'm just not sure what to do. I picked my kid up from child care. And she saw, she was right next to this giant inflatable Santa that they had in the foyer of childcare. And she was like, Dadda, who's that? And I said, you know, that's Santa. And we had this whole thing about

Santa, where does he live? The North Pole. What does he do? He flies around the world in a day. Now, let me just issue a disclaimer. If you're listening with kids to understand that the very true fact that Santa is a real man with the ability to fly around the world every Christmas, maybe skip ahead five minutes, because I wouldn't want any illusions to be shattered in that completely true thing. So, um, I explain to God though, if you are listening to this with your kids, like, please, like do something else, do something else. No responsibility and no care, actually. So basically...

Go to the pub and leave them there. And take Charles's kids because someone needs to look after them. Basically, what this means is I explained the incredibly preposterous Santa story to my daughter and then felt like a dick for lying to her. And not only lying to her, but lying with the dumbest story ever devised about the man in the sky who can drive around the entire world in a day. Is that wrong? Should I feel bad for lying to my daughter?

Or is it just part of the deal that every parent has to get on board with Santa? Yeah, I have to. It's compulsory. But why? Aren't we supposed to tell our kids the truth about how the world works? No, because it's pro-social. Because what it's doing is it's encouraging adults to have secrets from children, which is greatly celebrated in the Catholic Church.

If you want to feel better about it, I don't know if you guys saw. I have to double check the details, but I'm pretty sure an ad, like a government style ad just got pulled in the UK. Have you seen this regarding Santa? No. Because in the ad, Santa got COVID. Wow. And it's really quite full on. Look, he's an old man.

He's in the high risk group. Right. And people were apparently quite understandably like, what are you doing? you're going to ruin Christmas release. Paul kids. I've had the worst year imaginable in the UK Paul kids. And now you've got an ad with Santa with COVID. Because not only you see ancient,

but he lives in a place where it's cold. Like it's always worse during which. You lose a North Pole. And he's got constantly, he's got, like it's a super spreader event. Those elves, I reckon they're ridden with it. He's going to go around. Riddle with it.

It's the ultimate superspreader event. He's going to go to every single fucking house in the world. Yeah. on Christmas night and give packages that he's touched with his hands. Maybe he's just going to finally roll out that fucking vaccine. I'll tell you what, the contact traces are going to be on him. I wonder whether he's going to have to get a QR code each year.

Every house. He's already implausibly fast. Maybe it'll just take him until 2027 to lose a text. But my other issue with this. No, no, I think it's fine because otherwise, if you tell her the truth, then she'll tell everyone else and it'll break the cartel it'll end the lie yes and also it is also quite a wonderful thing seeing as they realize it like how old were your kids when they realized so they were both about eight I think right yeah so it actually takes quite a while because

you've got to realize there's also this sort of self-interest going on where even if they're sort of got an inkling they sort of realize hang on this is not a bad like I just sort of want to believe in. But it's bad for me. I don't get credit. My daughter's listing all the things that she wants. And when they arrive on Christmas morning, fictional dude's going to look like the best, you know,

father figure ever, and I'm getting nothing. No, you just put little shitty things in the stocking and then the good gifts come on mute. So Sandra only does the shitty stocking. Oh, that's much easier. We had a, yeah, I had a slight Santa-based dilemma the other day, actually, which was we'd all, Santa came to our kids picnic and gave out presents that he'd acquired from, you know, somewhere,

from the parents, sort of. And we had a price limit, but we didn't have, like, any other specific things. And I, we accidentally got, like, the most sort of outrageously large present. So we, like, because it was just, it was well within it. It was like a tenor. Yeah, you've got one of those fishing boxes that came out at cells, wouldn't you? She'll be honest, it was from Kmart. Oh, great.

It was a big truck, but it was just like 50 times cooler than any of the other presents, and then we got some dirties. Well, you won. You won. Also, that was Sanders felt. But also, I mean, this is the thing. Firstly, I have a bit of an issue with teaching my innocent daughter that, you know, old men have presents that she might want.

I don't think that's going to end very well. And not only the fictional version, but also that means that she's then taught that actual men at like events like this picnic or whatever. she should go to them and try and get presents. I mean, we know that the prospect of that ending badly is high. That was actually a huge problem because our Santa walked through the park and the park's full of kids and that's like a celebrity walking through the park. And that Santa has this responsibility which nobody realized most of all Santa to actually

engage with any kid. It didn't matter if they were from our lot or not because Santa's in the damn park. Yes. Yes. I was Santa for five years while my kids were going through preschool. I mean, that's a problem. Did you pass a working with children check? I bet you didn't.

Oh, there are exemptions for Santa. But no, no. So this story sort of relates to that, which is, so I wore the same costume for five years, which was fine. And it is true that actually the first time I ever did it, my son totally, like I played a good Santa. and it wasn't until we got in the car and Santa was coming along in the car to drive it to drive home that I pulled off the beard

and the hat and everything and I went oh actually it's just me I'm just pretending to be Santa and Hartley's brain sort of collapsed at that moment he just did this sort of five dimensional double take on what the fuck

why are you pretending to me Definitely real Santa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But on the last ever Santa that I ever played, when my, you know, youngest kid was leaving preschool, I did the whole performance. I thought it was really good. And, you know, there's a pantomime to doing a good Santa.

So you have, you know, is it behind me? And I keep on turning around going, you've got the dead voice. And they go, ah! Every time I said that, is it, it's behind me, who's behind me? You know, you do the whole pandemon thing. I mean, I'm glad you actually get to perform for real in front of crowds because otherwise this would be the most pathetic kind of waiting for Guffman-esque. You know, I play as answer and I put a lot of character in it.

I like to think I do a very good job and I'm auditioning. Anyway, point is that the pants were very old and they were completely split down the back side. So every time I turned around, they would just see my bare ass. Oh, God. I mean, this is the point I'm getting at is that it's a scarring experience. Is it behind me? Ah!

Oh, God. Yeah, I mean, I was joking about the working with children checked before. I think now, I'm genuinely like that. You need to just do your working with pants check as a starter. I had underbands on it. It was all right. Well, I was, like, so last week, I was, I was, I talked about a parenting dilemma I'd been having.

Oh, yes. I don't know if you remember, but we designed a little car hunt for my kid, Roo, to sort of have a bit of fun when we were on holiday. And, you know, he's really good at talking and stuff. But he gets, he kind of spoonerizes things a little bit. Yeah, he was looking for matchbox cars, wasn't he? Yeah, and I was telling you he got a bit changed around. Do you remember what he was calling it?

Yeah, hard cunt. Yeah. So I just thought like cute story. right. But I just thought like, you know, sometimes people just tell these cute stories, but you're just not totally sure if they're full of shit or not. So anyway, I just thought I'd see if I could catch a couple in the wilds. What did you find? About your heart cut? That's into apple.

And then? And then? The heart come, yeah. Yeah? What about it? I was the same about. What are you talking about it? saying for the guy over the day. Yeah. I'll come for everyone.

That's the spirit of Christmas, right? I'm glad you criticise me on my parenting show. The Chaser Report, news you can't trust. This episode of The Chaser Report is brought to you by Cole. Buy some today. Seriously, we've got a huge pile of it. Even if you just take a couple of hundred tons off her hands, that would be a huge help. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is the chase of report.

So I have talked a bit this year about various entrepreneurial activities that I've done. Yeah, I mean, it's almost implausibly bad your year in business, yeah. Well, actually, the toilet paper that was stuck off the coast of Australia from China and that wasn't going to turn up till mid-January has arrived and he's on sale in chastashashop.com. Hang on a second. Is it possible that your toilet paper is somehow connected to them not accepting our coal imports? Yeah, I think that China really wanted to get rid of all the shit stuff. So they let it through.

I'm looking at it. There's rolls of paper. We've got Peter Dutton's face. Skymoy's face. We've got Peter Dutton's face. And we've got headlines of the year. Yeah, yeah. I've got a metre's worth of Chaser headlines.

So you can, Zoe, do you want to buy some? Like, there's sort of all the funny headlines. So as you go into the toy, you can read all the funny headlines from the year. And there's tons of them. You know, I'd almost prefer to have like a $6Kmart fishing box are filled with random pre-opened suites. Point is I've got 8,000 to sell. We've sold 130 and it's almost too late.

Now, can I just ask? We're sitting in the Metexpress, I'm making no money on them. Did you at least leave one role with your abandoned kid at the pub so we can at least wipe his ass? And his tears? No, I'm not going to do that. So, Charles, hang on. They're too valuable.

I've got to sell them. When you say you have 8,000, right? Can we just check? Do you have 2,000? lots of sort of four. Yeah, yeah, they're four packs. Can I, yeah. Can I just ask a question right now, Charles, you have more of a sense of where your 8,000 rolls of toilet paper are than your children. Yes, definitely. I know exactly they're in a warehouse in Lane Cove. Um, wait a minute, that might be the children as well.

Who knows? Uh, all right. So, anyway, well done. So the toilet paper, the Starger is over. It's a ride that's available online now. You can guarantee yourself, basically what he's saying, that if you buy this product, you will make no money on it. And I think that's frankly appropriate. So the other project I've been doing is called War on 2020. And as part of the whole way of making, financing it, we had to sell a whole of tickets to these live stream shows.

Right. But nobody wanted to go to the live stream shows because, you know, you know. Yeah. You know. There are theaters now. Yeah, there's theaters. You can gather in public. now. Anyway, point is, but we still put them on and, you know, we had a few hundred

people come to the Friday night Zoom show, right? So we'd sold, I think, 360 tickets to this show. Right. So I had, I'm not an idiot. I booked a Zoom webinar account, very expensive for up to 500 people, right? So I thought, that'll work. Great. So we arrived at the venue a couple of hours beforehand five minutes before the show is due to go to air the guy goes oh we should get zoom working i know what i'll do i will change the zoom meeting host over to me and i'll get the audio settings working on my account and it'll work right because i know how to use my So he does that. That immediately, he's got a free Zoom account.

So immediately, the 360 people who are all waiting there in the Zoom waiting room. Who've paid. Who've paid 20 bucks each for a ticket to the war on 2020. Like, presumably 260 of them just get chucked out of the room, right? There's only 100 in the room. And then there are literally, in the next five minutes, hundreds of people emailing going, what the fuck? Why have been checked out?

why can't I get back in? It says it only 100, right? So we're panicking a little bit, but we've got the Zoom meeting working now. And we go, okay, well, all we have to do to get it back up to the 500 level is to get back onto the Zoom meeting and then, you know, and we'll become the host again, right?

This is quite complicated, but I'm gathering a great degree of ineptness underneath the... No, so what happens is we then try and log into our own shows meeting and we can't do it because there's already 100 people in there. And it says you can't, like the Zoom call Zoom meeting, Zach capacity. So we literally locked out of our own event. I've got a question. Yeah.

People aren't paying to listen to this bullshit, are they? That would be very heroic if you'd already wasted $20 or this. And you're also, no, no, this is a free podcast. Oh, I mean, fuck me. That was the most painful story I've ever. It was more painful than being. like the admin trying to do a Zoom. Yeah, I wanted to be kicked out of the story halfway through.

I wanted to be evicted trauma. But also, surely, I mean, you start to a thing called The War on 2020. Surely there is no more 2020 experience and paying $20 for a shit Zoom thing that doesn't work. Isn't that what this year has been? Yes, yes. I know. Everyone thought, well, lots of people thought that it was intentional.

And I can assure you that it might have been. But also, Charles, like, and to your credit, one of the sketches that they paid money to watch was on the internet and got massive, like, millions of views and lots of really famous people sharing, including apparently Chelsea Clinton, I heard today. Oh, yeah, yeah. So the point being that these poor suckers

could have just waited a day or two and seen the best bits for free. Is that true? Look, Dom, I don't have to answer to you. I don't have to. look yes but it's sort of like no it's windowing it's called windowing Hollywood's done it for years like you pay 20 bucks you know if you want to see it first at the cinema and then you wait a couple of days and you can see it on Netflix

for free in a week's time if I hear this anecdote will you have to pay me 20 bucks the chaser report more news less often this episode of the chaser report is brought to you by coal it's the coal that china rejects that makes Australian coal the best Cole The Chaser Report News you know you can't trust Look, let's be frank You haven't made it to this point in the podcast

You definitely stop listening Partway through the Zoom story But I will thank Mike LaBrali We had to edit this thing For pulling it all together as he always does. He doesn't have to listen to it again, does he? I hope he just looks at the waveform and guesses And it seems like a shame to burn

a Chase the News story for this bit that I was listening to, but let's just check in anyway with the late-breaking news at the Chazade News headquarters with Rebecca Dayna Muno. Santa Claus has admitted he is unsure whether to put the Prime Minister on the naughty list or the nice list this Christmas. Mr. Claus said Mr Morrison met all the criteria for being on the naughty list, but if they put him on the naughty list, he would receive a lump of coal, which is actually at the top of his wish list.

Thank you, Beck. Wait a minute. How did you know there was going to be late-breaking news? Yeah, this is episode 36, mate. Get with the shit. We'll keep it with the format. If you want to go to chaser.com today and find the latest news, you can, but I should warn you that it will be full of ads for Charles product

that don't work or rip you off in some way. And Zoe's show you can catch on Ivy Reputation Rehab still available and paid for by you already with your taxes. Thanks. And we leave you with an important ad for the Australian federal government. A message from the Australian government This Christmas were you thinking of getting your kids of PlayStation 5? Yeah?

Or perhaps an iPad? They'd love that. Maybe you were thinking of getting a mega water slide for the backyard that will leave them with lasting spinal injuries. That sounds awesome. Instead, why not get them a fuck ton of coal? Um... Right now, Australia has more coal than we know what to do with.

Coal makes the perfect Christmas present. How? You can throw it. You can take it into Parliament. You can even use it as a football, a political football, for years and years and years and years. And everyone plays it long. Yes, they do.

So this Christmas, do something to your country and get some coal in here. Your kids will thank you for it. What? Because otherwise we'll burn it all and destroy the climate. Oh. Australian coal. You might think it's our problem,

but actually it's yours. Happy Christmas. Authorised by the Australian government Canberra. I'm talking very fast because there's so much college where in the room is filling up and I'm sure I'm going to make that!