The Chaser Report - Comedy Isn't Easy Under Albanese | Sami Shah

Episode Date: June 9, 2022

For the final in-studio episode before The Chaser Report goes live from the pub, Charles and Dom are joined by enemy-of-every-state, Sami Shah. Sami admits where he was wrong about Queensland this election, the other results that surprised him, and where cynicism failed this election. Meanwhile Dom and Charles ponder the future of the country under Labour and (more importantly) the future of satire, as they ask: is this the best life will ever get? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report. It is Thursday the 9th of June 22. In this episode, Charles Firth, is going to have to last us for a week. Oh, really? Why? Because we're doing next week, we're doing the live show. We've got a show at the Harrell Park Hotel in Glebe on the 14th, Tuesday the 14th. Tickets available now, chaser.com.com.com.

It's going to be a big live gig. We've got Craig coming. We've got Gabby, who's the biggest star, any of us. No, now Gabby Bolt will be there performing live with her keyboard. Wow, this is amazing. Right, so, yeah, because I've been preloading for that. That's why I'd forgotten about it. Oh, okay, excellent.

I've already been preloading. So today we have Sammy Shah coming on to talk about what on earth we do in terms of satire during the new government, which we're going to get stuck into. But before we do any of that, just so we won't be back until Wednesday of next week, which will be our first live episode recorded at the pub, If you want to hear the drunk Q&A session that we record after a drinks break, we'll do four episodes for each day, for the first four days of a week, then have a drinks break, then a subscriber-only drunk Q&A, Charles.

This is your idea. How does it work? Yes. So, this is interesting. What you do is you've got to get a subscription to the Chaser Plus, Chaser Report Plus thing. For $9, you can unlock. an extra bonus episode each week, which is called drunk Q&A at the moment.

But the whole thing is that it's almost impossible to find on the web. Yes, it is. And we said that we'd update the website. We have not updated the website. So good luck in trying to find that because you're just not going to be able to do. What you can do is if you're based in Sydney, you can go to chaser.com. And click on the big banner saying,

chaser live, and you can book tickets. But what you cannot do is then click through. through and actually subscribe to this new premium version. Okay, there is a way. There is a way. You can just go on your web browser. Right. Do Chaser Acast Plus.

No. And you'll find the link. Chaser Acast Plus. That's all we can do. We've got to sack somebody. It's not a good system, but it's there. If you ought to pay the nine bucks and get the special version. I'm going to go on to the Chaser Live.

Just go to Chaser. If you click Chaser Live at the pub, I'll put a link up there somewhere so that you can click through. They're so good at this. Fuck, this is so shit. All right. Here's an ad that you could have skipped

if you'd paid for a subscription and then Sammy Shaw. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore? Fizz is 100% online so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month.

Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz. The Chaser Report. Now with Extra Whispers. Sammy, welcome back to the podcast. Thank you so much for having me. It's been a while. It's been since before the election the last time I was on.

Yes, back when we had a competent government who didn't ruin everything. Hasn't Labor been terrible. They've done nothing. Ruined Australia. It turns out that Sky News After Dark was right. Reach up on how he was right. It is the end of the world. The woke agenda is here in full form.

and we're all going to die. My mortgage is now $320 a month higher because of Labor. Because of Labor. Yes. I've slugged you in your battler home-owning guts, haven't they? You know what? It reminds me, it's really strange. So, I don't know if you're following Pakistani politics at all, right?

So, Imran Khan used to be the prime minister up until very recently. And what happened was the opposition parties kind of launched an internal bullet, like not a coup, but basically. a coup to kind of overthrow him using the political judicial system. They overthrew him. They finally get to become, you know, the opposition ends up in power. They're high-fiving each other just in time for inflation. IMF belongs to default.

Petrol prices to go up, all prices, you know, interest rates to increase. And now they're standing there going, oh, shit, we should have waited a little longer. I really feel like Labor is wishing they'd lost this election now and waited for another three years. Didn't Imran Khan then go on to kind of launch a giant populist movement and take to the streets and try and, I mean, is Dutton going to do that? He's not going to march on Canberra. That's right. He's pretty much doing that. He's got the populist movement.

He's got the protest marches going. He's trying to call for an early election, is what he's saying, which I don't think Peter Dutton is going to be in any rush to do. If I was the Liberal Party, I would shut up and wait for the next three years because it's a bad time to be in power. It doesn't matter who you are. It's not going to be fun for anyone right now. Even Boris Johnson must be wondering if it would have been easier to just get out of there. I don't think there was any good time for Boris Johnson to be in power. I feel even in the best of circumstances, these fuck-ups would have been happening in England.

But don't you think, I mean, just on the Boris thing, he just won, you know, the vote against him and everything. Don't you get the sense that he actually thrives under everyone hating him? Well, has you ever experienced everyone loving him? Yeah, has he had that opposite experience? He has no idea. He's in a very BDSMS-relationship with the British public. Here's what I will say. As someone who was once a subject of the British Empire,

currently living in a country that is still a part of the British Empire, it's fucking embarrassing that we were subjugated by those losers, looking at Boris Johnson now. But look, what can we do about Albanese government? For day one, they bring up the two flags, the Aboriginal and the Torres Strait Island flag at the press conference. Is that all that's going to be? Is that the one achievement?

Because I can't see what else they've done in this whole time they've been in power. Well, okay, so I'm on record as being very, very cynical and Charles disagrees with me about the Federal ICAC. I still think that this is going to be a thing that's going to keep being floated until the next election. It's like a ransom that they're going to hold before us. Now, Charles says that, no, I'm wrong.

He's a lot of optimistic. Mark Dreyfus has come out and said he's the new AG that he wants it running by 2023. So that says to me it definitely won't happen in this term. Right. The other thing is, here's what I'm willing to admit. This election, this last election, really slap my cynicism in the face. It's something that we don't discuss enough is how cynical all of us tend to be,

particularly in news satire and how many of us turn out to be wrong. Even my cynical distaste for Queensland as a whole has been proven to be wrong in this case. And so I'm willing to admit that, you know, sometimes I'm not right. Sometimes I get the facts wrong. However, I will say that the next two years, Labor's going to really wish they're not the one power. It's going to be fun. How do you feel about Greensland, as it's now known to Adam Banj anyway?

Am I going to have to go to Brisbane for comedy tours? Like, is this a thing? Will I have to go to Brisbane now? Yes. You will. The food court of Australia. Am I going to have to go there? And it will be your most loyal audience now, Sammy.

They'll be desperate for some quality satire. I mean, look, here's what I figure. You know, it's a time for healing. It is a time for love. It is a time for reconciliation because that's pretty much all we can afford right now. The interest rates going up, you can't actually afford food or petrol or anything like that. So all we really have left is holding each other for warmth. I might as well go to Queensland and try to be held for warmth while I'm there.

It's beautiful. It's warm with it. Oh, it's depressing. Good luck selling tickets to them after three years, just bagging them out. Well, here's what I'm doing. I've also bagged out Perth many times. And I'm off to Perth this week for comedy over there, and I'm doing like a week of shows there. So, this is Perth is the dry run for the Brisbane, the Sammy Shaw Brisbane 2020 tour.

The apology tour. Yeah, that's, hey, that's not a bad idea at all. Yes. Is it a chaser want to get on board? Because you know, any comment you make, they'll have on, they'll have an archive every single time you slag them off. I'm pretty sure I called for ethnic cleansing at one point. So in retrospect, that's a big ass apology I owe them. Thank you for your patience.

Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore? FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at FIS.ca. The Chaser Report. News a few days after it happens. What do we do, though? Yeah, what do we do as satirists?

How do we deal with this period? Because Peter Dutton hasn't given us, I mean, conceptually, Peter Dutton, you think would be a target of which environment. Angus Taylor's already started. No, but here's what I'm going to say. And I feel like making fun of Peter Dutton and making fun of the Liberal Party now is our failure as saddest. In the end, you have to hold power to account or at the very least point out that the emperor has no clothes. And the emperor is Anthony Albanese. And even if you like or agree with some of the things.

things he's doing. In the end, there are politicians. They will shit the bed in an Amber herd-esque fashion and they will give us content whether we want it or not. It's up to us to decide whether we're going to take the punchlines. Even worse than the emperor having no clothes is slick elbow. I still can't get used to seeing him on the TV in a good, well-cut, well-fitting suit. It just seems wrong to me. Yeah. And look, let the times roll. We're going to see global famine because of Ukraine, we're going to see further interest rates rises, we're going to see petrol shortages, all that stuff. It's going to be within three years' time.

Anthony Albanese is not going to be looking as schmico as he is right now. Yes. Well, they're already starting on climate. Haven't they basically said, look, we're certainly not going to get in the way of any gas exploration going on? Yeah, absolutely. Keep ripping up the fossil fuels out of the ground. And then also on the wages front, I noticed that their submission to the Fair Work Commission.

You know how they said, oh, well, we'll support. report 5.1% because that's the inflation rate, you know what figure was conspicuously missing from their submission to the Fair Work Commission? The recommendation to raise it by 5.1% and in actual fact, if you actually read the report, it basically suggests that perhaps 2.7% is as much as 5% because that's the underlying rate of inflation. If you strip out all the stuff that's risen in price, we only have 2.7% inflation. Look, here's the thing. This is on us, right?

If we had hopes for campaign promises to become post-campaign reality, that's our fault. What's that old adage? Fool me once, you fool me twice, I won't be fooled again. And this is like the 40 millionth time we've been fooled. Exactly. So at this point, you know, it's our fault. Absolutely. It's 100% off all. When the gas expiration continues and minimum rage, it doesn't rise and all those things,

we had the opportunity. We could have gotten more independence in with more of a hung parliament. We kind of, we got a few in, but see, here's the problem. This is now the cynicism seeping in again. I had a few days of being rid of it. I had a few days of going, wow, hope is a beautiful thing. I want to hold on to that. Wasn't it easier last time, though, when Kevin Rudd won office. And with his very first sentence of his victory speech, everyone just went, oh, God.

And the disappointment said in immediately. I think that's the thing. We just need, because if there's one thing you can, you know, from just all the times there have been labor governments, you can rely on labor, 100% of the time to let you down. Like, it's just, it's as good as done. Here's the thing. I haven't lived under a labor government ever, right? Like, so, okay, I mean, briefly, I was here in 22. I got here 2012 near the tail end of the Julie Gillard government when Kevin Ruff.

launched his coup against her and it was an you know and then and then Tony Abbott won and it's been that ever since the Australia I know is the Australia of the Liberal Party it's the real Australia I don't know what the next three years entail I have no idea you need to guide me yeah it'll just be a series of sort of like oh well it's better than you know the last lot and oh yeah it's employment I kind of got to say all it's incremental the sound that encapsulates the next few years it's uh-huh yeah And I'll tell you what, because the thing that will happen, I guarantee you, and this is what happened under Rudd and Gillard, is you sort of go, oh, Labor's in power.

Great. They're going to spend lots of money on the arts. They're going to spend lots of money on health and education. And then they immediately go, no, no, no, no, no. We want to pretend that we're like the libs. And they, and they're worse. Like, they just don't spend money on anything. And they go, oh, well, we're fiscal conservatives now.

and then they cut everything and you sort of Are you saying Charles that deep down you kind of sort of miss Scott Morrison Yes yes I want the COVID cash back I want the grants

That have no That have no criteria That's true Job caper was great Wasn't it Because they're just like handing out money Knowing that there's no federal ICAC around

Look I'm not going to I'm not going to disagree All right, right now, I could use with some free cash handed out by the government. It turns out, unfortunately, that when we vote with our brains, it's the wallet that loses out. Well, actually, that's worth noting, isn't it, for those who work in satire professionally and uncalled Mark Humphreys, is it the last three years probably as good as it got? Yes. And I'll tell you, I'll tell you the other thing that will happen is they will set up,

Look, the one thing Labor is good at is they set up these very long-term things. Like, back in the Rud Gillard time, it was like the RET, which everyone said, oh, this is actually the way to, over the course of about two decades, it will get Australia on track to actually meet its climate targets, and it's a market-based mechanism. Everyone's on board. Capitalist workers, everyone's on board. It's working. We don't have patience for long-term strategies. No, no, because that's exactly, then what happens is, in three years' time, the Libs will get back in, and they'll just dismantle it.

And all the graphs will sort of go, oh, yeah, it was just heading in the right, it just picked up steam. And then it will just be a disaster. All right. Well, look, at least we have, I guess, bad jokes for the next three years, because, you know, that's all that keeps us going. I think it's time to pivot. I think the only way to go forward is, I mean, there's a few options.

You can just go blokey, you can go family-based observations, which Charles is getting really good at. Or we can just go smart. Forget the satire. Let's just go fully into smart and puns. I mean, you've been to my comedy shows. It's more smart than satire already. I did that pivot years ago.

It hasn't paid off. General anxiety disorder or something like that. I think it's just got to be like, like that, for the next three years. Well, that sounds like a review that we can live by. I think, you know, welcome to the comedy show. Let's just sit and feel a bit anxious about the future, just for the next hour.

Anyone's got any thought? Just sort of make it turn to do a therapy session. And recognize that really this is as good as it's going to get. And it won't be very good, and then it will switch and be terrible again. Yeah. And we'll just end up, you know, hollow shells of human beings. in whom all hope is dead. We might get lucky. We might get lucky. China might invade or America will

collapse entirely and create a power vacuum which will result in a global conflict, billions and millions dead. And we can do some jokes about that. We can do jokes about not having any submarines to defend us. Yeah, exactly. We already wrote those. We're just waiting for them to launch from the silos of our comedy brains the way the missiles won't launch from the silos of those imaginary submarines. Let's just cling to this very moment. This one day, the day when it wasn't entirely certain that all of hope was lost,

next week, it will be. Of course it will. Thank you very much. Our gears from road microphones. We're part of the Acast, Creator Network. Thank you, Sammy. Thank you very much. You got to go. Bye. Sammy Shah plays in Perth when? Next week? Yes, I'm there. Basically, no, this weekend onward. So from the

10th to the 20th, I'm paying at the comedy lounge. Get your revenge in person. See you. Thank you very much. Bye. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore? FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month.

Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca.