The Chaser Report - Could Alan Joyce SAVE The Voice???

Episode Date: September 20, 2023

Dom is back in the podcast chair, and in his time off has been reading up on the Voice to Parliament - did you know it's actually racist to vote yes? Plus Charles has hatched a scheme as to why so many people are voting no, and the one person who could turn everything around! Stay tuned or else you're a racist. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Dom, welcome back. Yes, Charles, I'm very glad to you back. Commiserations to all who missed one of Australia's finest satirists, Mark Humphries, we couldn't afford him, I don't think, for the rest of the run. But, yeah, look, I'm disappointed as you know.

Mark's cheap. He got punted by 730, so. but his bargain basement. I don't. It's not something I want you to think about any further. And did you see how good the ratings were for his episodes? I saw that they were pretty good, but my assumption was that it was people tuning in for me

and then thinking, oh, look, may as well... May as well stick with it for now. And I'm going to continue in that belief until proven otherwise. Fair enough. Fair enough. So Charles, it's really fucking hot. It's absolutely insanely hot, almost as though the world is burning to a crisp as we speak. Yes, that's right.

Pretty much the whole of Australia is covered in a heat wave. Although by the time this particular episode comes out, Don, the heat wave will have broken across most of Australia. So we can just go back to not worrying about it because it will have gone. You know what? By the time this ad finishes, everything will be fine. Here it is. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important.

Can't take being on hold anymore. FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at FIS.C. And I think that ad was probably for some sort of fossil fuel gas. Yes, I don't know. Yeah, there was...

Saudis. Yeah, lots of complaints about how hypocritical our ads are. But I'm not sure we can control that. I don't think that's like, there's not something that we do. Like, it's not something we endorse. It's just like... Also, did you get into the chaser thinking we weren't going to be hypocritical? Like, we are part of any problem you clear to, you care to name.

There is a block list. Like, we don't accept gambling advertising at all. We should probably go through and get rid of... We've got to change that role. You know that if we did, we would not only be rich, Dom, but also our entire podcast would be gambling ads. Yeah, why did we... I don't know that. That was so dumb of us.

I don't know. It's something my wife was trying to explain to me. It's called integrity or something. I don't know. I never really heard about it. But it's when you do something because you believe in it or something. Yeah, that seems insane to me. If we could be funding, I mean, particularly if we spend every podcast talking about how awful gambling is.

But, I mean, in so many ways, listening to this podcast is a massive gamble at the best of times. Listen with your head, not over it. That's what I say. But there's been so much in the news, Dom. There has. Can you tell me some stuff about it? I could. I could.

That's something that I could do. The problem is it would probably involve having to talk about the thing we don't want to talk about. It would involve having to discuss, you know, the thing that's happening in a couple of weeks' time. What do you tell you about? The voice. We don't want to talk about the voice. Okay. Okay.

Why not? Why was whispering? Didn't the polls say that it was behind any of it? every single state. But isn't that more of a reason to talk about it so that we can rally people to clutch victory from the jaws of defeat? No, it's over. It's finished, isn't it?

No, you can't, you can't say that. But, Charles, we don't want everybody, the last people. You're a racist for saying that. We don't, we don't want with the last people advocating it if everyone's quietly backing away from it? No, no, but people aren't. It's just a surprising number of people in Australia like to vote the same way that racist vote.

Some other day tweeted me a link from Kevin Bloody Wilson explaining why he's voting. Ah, yes. And someone else said, just going, you know, Charles, but you've got to understand this is what I saw in my Twitter replies. They figured out how to make it racist in their own heads

to vote for the voice. Because someone just wrote, I'm not enshrining a race-based institution in the Constitution because that will be racist. But isn't it, but isn't the whole, by not recognising the unique history of Indigenous people being here for 60,000 years and then us coming like 200 years ago.

Isn't that just somewhat racist itself? Like isn't the document itself a colonial racist document without any recognition? Only if you think Terranulius was wrong. I mean, only if you think that turning up and imposing a constitution where an existing government structure, indeed millennia old groups. The oldest existing continuous cosas, as they keep on pointing out to us to make us feel bad. But if you just ignored that and imposed your constitution, without even mentioning it,

then you see, there wouldn't be racist in the constitution. You've got to read it on its face. It doesn't mention Aboriginal people at all. Therefore, they don't exist. Therefore, it's not racist. Therefore, there's no mention of race. See?

Yes. But Charles, you've got to understand. In some ways, in some ways, so this is exactly why it wasn't sexist to not have women in Parliament or give them the vote because it wasn't even mentioned. Like, women were never mentioned

when women weren't in Parliament. So when they passed a law, when they passed a law to give them in the vote, it was sexist to have a law just thought about women. That was very sexist of them. Yes. I can see it now. When we passed the referendum, saying that we would count Indigenous Australians for the purposes of the census. When we passed that referendum, we were passing. That was very racist.

It was, we were. It was racist. Because it mentioned a race. Yeah. And it's racist to mention a race. That's right. It is racist. Because, yeah.

I don't. I mean, I'm. I'm color blind. Me, I'm not. I can't see any, I don't see any colors. Isn't that because you're so white that your eyes don't work? Because you're basically an al-B-no? Did you know that that's true?

The Rangas actually have this condition where the brightness of light is actually perceived differently. Really? Yeah, like it makes a squint more because we're... I don't know, like a... We're just sort of so genetically weak. This is an interesting point that, you know, if we think of eugenic theories, the supposition that the white race was the master race was surely disproved from the off by the existence of rangers. No other race has rangers, only whites. But, Charles, look, my thinking on this issue has come such a long way in the past few months.

There are lots of good reasons to vote no. For instance, if you think that, if you think that, for instance, the stolen generation wouldn't have been in. approved by actually asking First Nations people if it was a good idea, then you should vote no. If you think the intervention should have gone ahead without any consultation, then you would vote no. If you think that laws should be done to First Nations instead of in consultation with, then you vote no.

If you don't want to have to listen to anyone explaining how it's going to impact on them, if you just want to ignore First Nations, then you vote no. I think you're complicating this, Don. Because I think the whole point is you don't vote no because of any things. like that. Like, that's very, like, you sort of sarcastically, haven't I? I've engaged with the issue. Yeah, no, what the way to vote no, this is the way to vote no is I'm angry at something

that's happened in my life because, you know, like the traffic was bad this morning and I have unresolved sadness in my life resulting from a childhood trauma that I don't talk about because of toxic masculinity and I just sort of bottle it up and just try get ahead in life and just keep getting ahead above water. And I'm struggling because the interest rates are going up and Woolworths and Coles are the biggest fucking duopoulists in the fucking world. I'm angry about all that.

And so I'm voting, no. Because why should anyone else get anything about anything? Ever. Why should anyone have a moment of positivity? I'm suffering, therefore everyone else should suffer. Oh, look, I can really relate to that. And when I read today, in the news, that Alan Joyce's pay packet, his final pay packet,

was set at $21.4 million after, after the boards tripped back his short-term bonus and withheld further entitlements. What was left after that was 21.4 million dollars. When I read that, only, only good, even though it has absolutely nothing to do with the voice. I know that Alan Joyce has advocated the voice and painted yes on the side of planes. And I say to him, Alan Joyce, just because of you, I'm voting no. Just because you want it. I love it.

I'm voting no. Yes. The best thing Alan Joyce could do right now for the voice is to advocate a no vote. He could come out in the public and say, look, I've seen the light. I don't understand it. I'm voting no. And that's the one thing I think at this stage that would actually get the voice over the line. Thank you for your patience.

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Less often. Although wouldn't they just go, see? He understands, you know, how stupid and racist this is to vote, yes. And that's why he's voting. Where's the voice for Irish people? Where's the voice for Irish CEOs who've come here and made tens of millions of dollars out of Qantas? Where's that voice? It's racist, only have one voice.

You think Alan Joyce gets, well, I suppose the thing is, if you were Alan Joyce, you wouldn't have, you know, what I was describing, which is resentment at everything in life, which is probably why he's voting yes, isn't it? Because he doesn't, he doesn't wake up going, you know, I'm worried about the cost of living and interest rates. Because he goes, oh, well, I'll just spend some of my $21 million on that. But the other thing is, Charles, you know the other reason why he believes in the voice to Parliament as the CEO of Qantas? Because he has one. He just rings Alba. If he's right about Qatar Airways coming and he just, when he's in the chairman's lounge, he just uses his voice and says, oh, he albo, if you want your son to come into this place,

block Qatar Airways. He knows the effectiveness of representation and consultation with parliament because he does it on a daily basis. And it works really well for Qantas. In fact, I suppose that the whole thing is, is that if you want indigenous people to prosper as much as Qantas as prospered, then you should vote yes to a voice. We have a system where... Quintas gets... Yeah.

We have all the representation to possible for Quantus. You know it all for first nations. You know what the mistake... First Nations people have made, though, Dom. What's that? Is that they didn't set up a chairman's land. They didn't set up a chairman's lounge. If they had given...

That's what's needed. Peter Dutton. Access to their First Nations chairman's lounge. And, you know, and all of them, you know, the Angus Taylor's... Oh, every single... If they'd set up a lounge at Canber Airport, Charles, this is what should have been... It's too late. If First Nations is simply set up a cushy lounge with free drinks.

With a free bar. Yes. Free bar. Steaks. You can make. Yeah. It could have been called the first name. It could be like, it could be kangaroo steaks.

Like, it could be all Australian theme. And they could call it the first bracket nations. And everyone would think it was first class. First class nations lounge at Canber Airport and at Sydney Airport for the commute. Peter Dutton would have been on board for sure. Absolutely. Is it too late? No, I don't think so.

No, they can do it. Because, I mean, Cathy Freeman came out in support of the voice today, which was very powerful. But if she'd come out into that lounge, and if she'd been willing to take some photos with the politicians' kids and, you know, just signed autographs for them and just, that would have been more effective. She'd been in the First Nations lounge at the airport. Thank God we've sold that, because I was going to get depressed in a few weeks' time when we voted no. But now everyone's going to vote yes. Because they wanted access to the chairman's lounge. Now, you know the person who would actually take the most advantage of it?

Jacinto Price, who has, no, no, she's done $76,000 worth of flights in recent times. And they asked her, is this because you've been campaigning against the voice? Is this what, why you've had all these flights? And I think it was the Herald that asked her office and the Herald's, the office said, no, no, it's in line with the requirements. And I think the Herald's response was, okay then, rather than, I don't know, going and looking at where the flights were to and from and what dates and comparing with the events that she did around the country, see what's going. I mean, that would have been a way to find out if there was a scandal brewing. But better not to ask.

Because if you ask, things will get explained. And it's much better not to ask for explanations, Charles. It's much better if you just vote no. There was very much the attitude of the Herald before Channel 9 bought it as well. All those fearful reporters of the Fairfax stable who... Kate McClymouth never wanted to know where the money was. Yes, that's right, exactly. I guess the bottom line is what we need at this point is to put Alan Joyce in charge of the voice.

If we simply... He needs a job. Forget all the First Nation's space. like people, what you need is Alan Joyce to save the day. Yes. And in actual fact, what he can do is you can implement some sort of complicated frequent voters' system. Yes.

Rewards points. Where you get rewards points for every time you vote or something. And the other thing is Charles, I guess, look, if you put Alan Joyce in charge of the whole referendum, it'd be cancelled at the last minute, which at this stage looks like it might not be such a bad idea. Yeah, that's the way to go. Our gear is from Road. We're part of the Iconiclass Network.

We'll see you next time. Or Mark Humphreys. You never know. Hopefully. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore? FIS is 100% online so you can make the switch in minutes.

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