The Chaser Report - Déjà Vu All Over Again

Episode Date: June 27, 2022

Fuelled by a nostalgic sense of déjà vu, in this episode Dom and Charles take a look back at old movies, old political gambits, and even old Chaser newspapers. Charles has the lowdown on the Labor staffer stuff up, meanwhile Dom investigates why the Top Gun sequel has made billions. Plus a recap on the launch party for the Chaser's 100th Edition Newspaper which can be purchased at https://chasershop.com/products/preorder-chaser-newspaper-100th-issue Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report for Tuesday, the 28th of June. I'm Charles Firth. And I'm tonight. And look, we've got a lot to talk about Charles. Big week last week. We will go into detail about how we relaunched the newspaper and had a crazy big gig last Thursday. We'll put that at the end, though, because that's kind of a bit pluggy so people can skip it.

I don't want to start the podcast just by talking about our dubious accomplishments. We're also going to mention the public. gig tonight. It's now called the Harold in Glebe. It's not the Harold Park Hotel. No, that would be too unconfusing. Chaser.com today, you slash podcast. If you want to get tickets. I'm not sure you can get tickets. I think it might be booked out.

Might be almost booked out by the time. There's another one next week anyway. So that will get to all of that stuff. But there's a bigger story, which you'll hear if you don't subscribe, right after this ad. The Chaser Report, now with extra whispers. Yeah, and if you pay not to get ads, which you can also do at

chaser.com.com.com.com. You're feeling pretty good right now because you didn't have to listen to whatever that crap was. I mean, what that valuable service that we get paid by to do this. Thank you to our sponsors. And apologies, by the way, to any subscribers. And I know I can probably name you. You're not a huge quantity of them. Yeah, he's growing. A growing list of subscribers. A growing list. But apologies that apparently you still heard ads for the first Of the weeks, yeah. We might have not set the settings. The settings correctly.

I mean, it's surprising to have incompetence from us. The team that at the launch of our hundreds that isn't at the newspaper last Thursday didn't have newspapers as at the time that the event started. But we'll get to that. We'll get to that. We've got a big story for it. But the big story of the week, really, is that Anthony Albanese has, in all his wisdom, last Friday, he said, you know what?

not going to give four staffers, political staffers, to every independent in this parliament. I'm just going to give them one. Just one. Just one. Cut it back to what it was back in 2017 and you can suck shit, you know, essentially to the independence, right? You're a backbencher. Yeah. You shouldn't get more staff than a Labor or a coalition backbencher, even though you have a completely different job on the crossbench. To be fair, to be fair, this is what for most of the parliament has happened. Like, until 2017, until a whole lot of libs defected to the crossbenchers,

and then the libs turned around and said, oh, actually, why don't we give a whole lot of resources to our former colleagues, then before that, you know, crossbenchers got the same as everybody else, every other backbencher. And Charles, in the last parliament, I mean, what a wonderful idea for Craig Kelly to get four staff to do his important work of Facebook posting about Ivermectin. Yeah. But there is another argument, Dom, that I just want to run by you. Okay, I'm listening.

Because I'm like one staff. Treat them all the same. Charles, treat them all the same. I have a vision of how the Labor Party could stay in power for a generation. I'm talking at least 18 years. Charles, are you familiar with the Labor Party? Because that's just not what they do. It's not their brand.

But there is an opportunity here. What happened at the last election is that the Liberal Party essentially split. It did. There were the people who liked the Catherine Deves, anti-trans, hateful campaign. Of whom there were dozens in her seat of Waringer. And then there were also a whole lot of people who ran under the banner of being tills, but they're all essentially soft libs. They were even one of them was a daughter of a soft libs.

And Zoe Daniel came on our show and said, well, I voted for Tim Wilson back in 2016. Like, they were all sort of that ilk. I mean, Allegraist Spender, her name is Spender. She's a moderate, liberal. Point is, this exact thing happened to the Labor Party back in the early 1950s. They had the Labor Party, and then one election, about 51, on the issue of whether the Communist Party should be banned, the Labor Party split. And there was the Australian Labour Party, the one that we all know and tolerate. I have to tolerate because they won the election.

Yeah, that one. And then there was another party called the Democratic Labor Party, which was the Catholic side of the Labor Party. I love it they didn't call themselves the Catholic Labor Party. They called themselves the Democratic, as though the other party were somehow not part of democracy. What were they supposed to be the totalitarian Labor Party? So you know who won that election because the Labor Party was split was a guy called Robert Menzies? Oh, I believe I've heard of him. And what he did was for the entire next generation, for literally another 15 years,

is he then did a whole lot of favours for the Democratic Labor Party, who notionally was sort of his opponent, but he just sidled up to them. He said, what do you want? They said, oh, we want Catholic schools in Australia. And so he said, well, I'll pay for that. And he gave them a whole lot of little goodies and probably extra staffers, exactly that sort of stuff, knowing that your enemy's enemy is your friend. So if you can split the other party into two halves...

If you can split the other party and then keep the split going by resourcing the splitters, then you can win election after election after election. Charles, are you suggesting? Yes. He is suggesting, and as in fact the 100th edition of the Chaser newspaper available at jason shop.com argues in an article by someone called Amanda, who I believe you're familiar. If Albo were to DLP the coalition to do the same thing, he would stay in power for generation. That is exactly right. The ALP needs to DLP, the LNP.

Charles, I've got to say, I admire Albanese's principle on this. Yes. Because this is the Labor Party that I know. that gets into power and is not in the slightest bit Machiavelli. Yes. They're guileless.

They're guileless. You just sort of wandered in there and gone, oh, I can't see any ramifications to cutting all your stuff. Yes, I'll just do that because that's what I've always done. Yeah, I'm not going to think strategically about this next election and the one after that. No. I'm just going to go, oh, no. You want the island where the ball was, not where it's heading.

To me, this is business as usual for Labor. It goes to show that this isn't some. People have been saying, There's a lot of energy about labour. They're getting a lot done. They're coming out of the gate strong. And our boy has clearly gone, well, we did that for a couple of weeks. Yes.

Let's go back to being inept. I imagine that what we're going to have in the next few months is a huge amount of labour scandals and they're all going to have to resign. Yes. Ministerial scandals. Remember, in the New South Wales party? It'll be, remember, union credit cards? Yes.

Yes. That'll be it. Everyone will start spending money on their union credit cards. There was a brief moment when the new government were looking like being hugely competent. and getting a huge amount down. And they've just gone, oh, we don't like those soft liberals, take their staff away. And we don't want to be in power for generation.

That election was good enough. Let the voters decide to not default back to the coalition like they always do. So if you're Peter Dutton, who admittedly so far has not come out of the blocks with a lot of strategic thinking, he seems to want to preserve every idea that lost the last election. You'd be sidling up to the teals and going, you know what? We're going to make some change. You can have a hundred stuff. You're going to have a billion staff.

As long as you feel the anger. Come over to the dark side. You're doing the hand gestures, ladies and gentlemen. Feel the dark side, Zali. Fill the dark side. The Chaser Report. News a few days after it happens. Dom.

Yeah. I saw the greatest movie ever on the weekend. Oh, Elvis. Did you go and see the new Baz Luhrman? No. The show Baz Luhrman. No, I saw Top Gunn. There was a choice between a really creative movie by an Australian

uteur, Elvis, which has been dividing critics, you could have made up in your own opinion, and you instead saw the exact same movie. It was the exact same movie. Top Gun and Maverick. I mean, not only was the same movie, they even played bits of the old movie in the new movie. It was the exact same movie.

But it was great. It was so good. And my son, who's 13, wanted to go and see it with his friends, right? And he said, but do you think it'll just be, you know, for old people? And I rang him afterwards and I said, yeah, don't see it. It's the same, but I just see the original one. But is it right? I'm right and say, because I heard a review of this, and it's got the same music.

It's even got Highway to the Danger Zone, all the same music. No, yeah, literally the opening, you're just going, oh, wait a minute, did I come and see the rerun? Yeah, and Tom Cruise, bizarrely looks to say. Also, the final scene, and this is not a spoiler alert, because really there's nothing to spoil. It's already been spoiled. But the final scene is not in some, you know, recent high-tech, you know, plane. It's like an F-10 or something, or F-14. He gets into the old plane.

Which is, he gets into an old plane, like the plane that he had in the last movie, and that's the final scene. Do you know why that would be, not having a plane? seen it. Why? Because Tom Cruise learnt how to fly. Like that's actually Tom Cruise flying the plane. There's this amazing video where he takes James Corden up in one of those old... Carrioki. No, no, no. It's actually, it's quite amazing. So he goes up and does loop the loops and all that. Presumably Tom Cruise knows how to fly the old planes, had to work out a plot way to get him to do the plane that he could. And it's a great video because you just think yourself, James Corden might die at any second. It's very

insane. But Charles, the reason I wanted to talk about this is because Top Gun Maverick has earned a billion dollars around the world. A billion. I can believe that. It is the first Tom Cruise movie ever to earn a billion. And I think that is because... Inflation. Yes.

But it's because we're all so deprived of entertainment. Yes. Post-pandemic. Oh, that's right. There's no entertainment. I mean, besides Netflix Stan, Paramount Plus, Disney. But you can't leave the house for those. We did them all.

That was for the past few years. Going to the cinema to watch a movie with zero risk. It's exactly the same. It's the perfect film. I don't want to see something new. I want to see the exact same thing that I've already seen with a slight different. I don't want to risk this precious evening. No.

To be in any way spoiled by some new experience. By things being novel. That's right. I want Tom Cruise taking a shirt off with a thin pretext, which I know comes in the movie, because I've already heard that in the review. It's the same movie. What a great template for art. Well, instead of having a good new idea, just rehash.

Why didn't Leonardo? Da Vinci do Mona Lisa 2 Yeah, that's true Yeah Mona Lisa hyphen Mona That's right Which it's a slightly different

Take I don't Tom Cruise could do this Forever Yes Why doesn't Instead of cocktail He could just cocktail

To martini I want rehashes That is all I want It's expensive to see a movie now Charles Oh Well especially if you see it in 4DX Yeah I don't want

Let's see last podcast on that one But you know Star Wars right see all the new Star Wars movies, that was a bit of a rehash, but they had new characters and new plots. I don't want that. No, you don't. They should just release Star Wars, a new hope, exactly the same, but just slightly, digitally altered to... Just move it, slightly reorder it. Oh, you should just be from a slightly different angle. Yes. Yes. Just digitally move the camera 10 degrees to the right, and it'll be a whole new cinematic experience. I would

pay money to see that. I would pay a billion dollars to see that. If you're on a spidering screenwriter and you're thinking, you know, I want to turn the movie industry. No one wants that. It's not of interest. Just get a photocopier. Have you seen the New Jurassic Park movie, by the way? Because they tried again. Oh, no.

But Chris Pratt, we don't want Chris Pratt, even though this time they brought... We want Chris Pratt. Yeah, but they brought back Jeff Goldblum and they brought back Sam Neal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the problem was they brought them back as bit players. It should have just been them. No, it should have just been them. With their shirts off.

Yes. And that guy, the old guy who died. Richard Attenborough. Yeah. Well, that's what they do. Bring back a digital Richard Attenborough. I don't think Tom Cruise is ever going to die. I think they've got a digital scan of him.

We'll be getting a new top gun every year for the rest of our lives. It made a billion dollars. Works for me. Yep. And in fact, we should just release one episode of this podcast. It does feel like this is the same conversation that we keep having over and over again. It does feel like this is the same conversation when we keep having over and over and over again. Genius.

Well, I think that they should re-release piano. The piano? Yeah, the piano. With a slightly different angle. Well, with more gory violence on the fingers. With the exact same Michael Nyman soundtrack, just with the notes in slightly different key. The Chaser Report, news you can't trust.

So Charles, last Thursday night, there was a party. It was sort of decadent, disgusting party that happens when Labor gets back into office. It was at art school. It was funded by the Liberal government. Yes, New South Wales Liberal government funded the Chaser. Well, we got an arts grant, right, from the National Arts School. They did.

And you're just going, they are the greatest things ever. Why have we not been on this ruse before? It's very nice as a bunch of middle-aged white men to be getting an arts grant. It's not really how the system is meant to work. As I think it was Julian pointed out during the speeches, the grant was set up to create a space for emerging voices. An exciting new initiatives in the arts. And instead, what happened was that a newspaper that had been cancer,

17 years ago, because it didn't make any money, returned for an unwanted 100th edition. Which you happen to be able to buy now at the chaseryshop.com. Yeah, chaser shop.com, you can head there and get a copy. There's all your old, well, I wouldn't say favourites is a bit of a loose term, but a lot of the old columnists are there and some new fake news. One of our original contributors, Dave Stewart, was actually reading it and saying that it was such a beautiful trip down Nostalgia Lane.

Because he said, you know, I haven't seen some of those jokes in years. So if you wanted to know why the Chase newspaper wasn't a viable financial proposition 17 years ago, just get a copy and read it and you'll understand why we had to close it. But, Dom, it was a lot of work, wasn't it putting it together? It was, which you did most of. I did a bit of layout. Yeah, which was fun. But, you know, we had dozens of writers and proof reading and laying it all up and production.

Finding art and stuff. Don't you find it's very light? For something that had so much effort put into it. It's physically very light. It's also all colour, which never happened before. We could never afford colour except for more than four pages. But now it's so cheap that everything's colour. Yeah, well, that's right.

I rang up the printer and said, we wanted to print a black and white newspaper. And I mean, it's going to cost this much. And then I said, out of interest, if we went full colour every page, how much more would it cost? And they said, $8 more per newspaper? No, no, surely. Just $8 more overall. That's hilarious. printing three and a half thousand copies.

So we've brought all the team back together. We've reignited the flame of producing some of the content. You want to read out some of the headlines. Oh, there's so many headlines. I quite like that one there, the Saudi, in the sports section. We always had a sport section on the back. Saudi League in doubt after Greg Norman beheads Nick Faldo. We've all made mistakes, claims Norman.

I like this one. Queen confirms her pronouns as one slash we. So that's good. There you go. Non-fungible token owned by non-fungible. fuckable dude. Yeah, that's good. And there's a joke about ink on the front cover of print newspaper.

Jenny complains Scott using It's Not My Job excuse at home now. Yeah, see, that's relatable. There's a lot of stuff in there. So that's at chaser shop.com. Will we do the next episode, what, in 17 years? Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Maybe we should apply the same work ethic that we've applied to the newspaper as, as the Chaser report.

Put it in your calendars. Yeah, it's great. No, look, it was a lot of fun. I kind of hope someone would fund us to do it forever, but I don't think that's going to happen. Well, because newspapers are not a thing anymore, Dom. Yeah, they're actually... We actually do, do a website. You are aware that our website is one of the top trending websites in the country, Don.

No, but it's not on paper. No trees died to produce our website. But I think we're going to have to, over the next few weeks, we'll probably put a lot of the content up online on the website. Just so that people read it. I think that's a very good idea. Anyway, that's out now. You can also book for the live show next.

week at chaser.com.com.com.com. You can also subscribe there to the ad-free version of this show for nine bucks a month with a bonus content. Our gear is from road microphones. We are part of the ACAST creator network. And we'll catch you next time. See you, bye.