The Chaser Report - Did Taylor Swift Try To Steal The Election?

Episode Date: October 7, 2024

This conspiracy goes all the way to the top. Joe Biden, Travis Kelce, and Taylor Swift are all in on it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to the Chaser Report with Charles and Dom. My name is producer Lachlan and I love public holidays. That's right. If you're listening from anywhere other than New South Wales, you had to work yesterday, but we did not. Which is why we're going back to the vault for another episode of the Chaser Report. Now, given how much it seems our audience has been in.

enjoying the coverage of the American election and U.S. politics at the moment, I thought I'd go back to a time, if you can still recall, when Joe Biden was in the race to be president again. A lot's happened since then. I'm pretty sure someone got shot. I think that happened. I honestly can't remember. It's all too quick for me to keep a hold on. And I completely forgotten that there was a massive conspiracy that Taylor Swift, Joe Biden and Travis Kohl had all gotten together to steal the election way back in February. So here's Charles and Dom's thoughts on that hilarious conspiracy. And stay tuned for more coverage of US politics as the election gets closer and closer.

Have a good one. Charles Donald Trump is never going to be president of the United States again. It's all over. He may as well give up. I say this after yesterday when I watched Joe Biden, Taylor Swift, the CIA. And a little bit, a little bit, the Kansas City Chiefs, just that they were slightly involved. But mostly Biden, Taylor's fishing, the CIA, rig the Super Bowl so that the Chiefs, Taylor's team won in the most dramatic of fashions with just seconds left on the clock. It's all over.

Trump's finished. Wow. Well, luckily, Joe Biden won't remember the victory anyway. So let's catch up. You're referring, of course, to the special counsel's report just submitted that found that he had memory loss, which was extremely devastating. stating for his campaign. Yeah. No, it'll be actually very good, won't it, if there is an inquiry into this conspiracy

to win and rig the Super Bowl. Yeah. Because Joe Biden will be able to get up there and testify very honestly that he can't remember anything. As proven by the special counsel. This is all part of his grand plan. And this is the thing I want to talk about today. Joe Biden is a political genius.

He has decades of experience. And no one's realized it until today. He's the Taylor Swift of politics, isn't it? He is the Taylor Swift. He's just always there. goes away, you wonder what all the fuss is about, and yet it's still there, unflushable. Try to speak. Before we get into the Joe Biden thing, can we just recap the Super Bowl?

Because I must admit, I didn't catch it, and I didn't actually understand it. As far as I could work out, so they actually played football, did they? Not much. I didn't see any clips of the football. All I saw were photos of Taylor Swift. I assumed that Taylor Swift must have won the Super Bowl or something. She did. No, she was the real victory.

She was the real victor. And she was wearing a costume made by an Australian designer. Well, she's trying to rig the Australian election as well. That's right. Right. So, and then, so what's this conspiracy theory? Like, who came up with this theory? What is this theory?

So, in Las Vegas, they had the Super Bowl. Absolutely massive event, of course. And Patrick Mahomes, the quarterback from Kansas City, basically puppet mastered the game. And this is the genius, because it was all, it's going to be the CIA, sci-op thing. with Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey and Joe Biden to destroy Donald Trump. That was that was the plan. But the person actually did it was this guy,

Patrick Mahomes, who got his third MVP award, the most valuable player award in his third Super Bowl. And basically delivered the trophy to the chiefs. We're supposed to ignore the fact that their name is avertly racist,

by the way, the Kansas City Chiefs. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's a little bit uncomfortable. It's not part of the narrative. Forget that. Yeah. Unless it was referring to the command.

Amanda in chief, i.e. Joe Biden. Oh, yeah, of course. Wow. Wow. That's right. So basically, if you wanted to believe that the whole thing was rigged, the way that the game unfolded would really have made you think that. Because the 49 and San Francisco were ahead with literally seconds, I think it was three seconds left on the clock. Yeah. And then Mahomes sort of basically set up the field goal and they equalized for overtime. It's only you've gone into overtime twice before. And then with, again, with seconds left on the clock at the end of overtime, he's managed to find a player through the, through the board of the player, who ran into the end zone, got a touchdown.

Wow. So twice, this guy just absolutely delivered the goods. So what happens if you get to the end of overtime and they're still tied? I have no idea. I think that Joe Biden just brings the tanks onto the pitch and just nationalizes the trophy. They just invade a different country. Yeah, that's right. So, I mean, look, I can't pretend to know much about the Super Bowl, but it was very exciting.

Yes. And the thing about the Super Bowl that I've forgotten is that it's a game of four, 15, minute quarters. Oh, really? Is it that short? It takes more than three hours. Right. Because they're constantly stopping the clock. Yes. So by that standard, Biden's only been president for about nine months if they were going to time it the same way as a Super Bowl. Yes. And this podcast is actually short. So it was an extraordinary thing to watch. And so they somehow just twice managed to come back just when San Francisco thought they were going to win. So, I mean, was it, was it rigged? Can't prove to me that it wasn't rigged. That's how

a good conspiracy theory works. Can't prove to me it's not true. So do we think that Joe By Biden is going to win the election in a similar manner. Yes, coming from behind. Well, that's what Donald Trump would say. He would lose the election. Yes. But then he's, you know, doesn't he pick on, you know, black electoral workers who, what did they have that?

Like a, it was like a tick-tack box or something. And they, or no, it was a lolly. The mother and daughter, one of them passed a lolly or something to another. And the belief was that it was a USB drive that had lots of votes on it. And so as a result, they were harassed and doxed and their lives made an absolute misery. and a court recently awarded them tens of millions of dollars of damages against Donald Trump because of that. Wow, okay, cool. So this is the sort of, this is the way you can make money in Biden's America.

Of course they had the USB drive. Of course the theory was true. And they were trying to rig the election. And they rigged it so well, just like with the Super Bowl, because Biden is the puppet master. And so the San Francisco 49ers going to now hold an insurrection. Yes, they are. Yeah, right. Okay.

And they'll storm, instead of the capital, where will they storm the MGM Grand in the The NFL headquarters, perhaps. Or even just Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift's Love Nest. Yes. That would work. Except she won't be there because she'll be on a jet. She'll be here in Australia. Yeah, that's true.

Well, it's all going to come down here. So you know that they, to get to the Super Bowl, she had to do her concert in Tokyo. Yeah. Then hopped on a private jet and jetted over and made it within hours. Yeah, barely made it. And Americans would thought she wouldn't make it because they don't understand time zones. Yes. Yes. So they

got all confused. They're all worried. Yeah. And did you see that the U.S. Embassy, I think it was in Tokyo? The U.S. Embassy actually said, don't worry, are we fine? And they put out this tweet with all these really annoying tales of song title puns. Oh, God. Yeah. If you basically understand that Tokyo is, you know, whatever it is 15 hours ahead of

Las Vegas, it's not a problem. But one of the interesting things I noted was that actually they had a backup jet. Did they? So they actually flew another jet over to Tokyo so that if one jet, I don't know, didn't start, properly or, you know, like it would be cold and the choke didn't work, whatever, they'd be able to just still make it.

Isn't that? Imagine having that level of, of just excess in your life. And I presume that the other jet was Air Force One. Yes, of course. And it was part of the plot. Yes, that's where they organised the whole conspiracy from. So I might sound like I'm being a bit ridiculous about this whole pass of conspiracy theory thing. But the people who are, is Fox News, have a listen to this.

I mean, I like her music. She's all right. But, I mean, have you ever wondered why or how she blew up like this? Well, around four years ago, the Pentagon Psychological Operations Unit floated turning Taylor Swift into an asset. What kind of asset? A sci-op for combating online misinformation. So is Swift a front for a covert political agenda.

Primetime, obviously, has no evidence. If we did, we'd share it. But we're curious, because the pop star who endorsed Biden is urging millions of her followers to vote. And her boyfriend, Travis Kelty, sponsored by Pfizer. Wait a minute. So this is not a joke. This is true. This is a true conspiracy theory. It's a true conspiracy theory. Oh, sorry, I thought you were sort of doing a bit.

No, no, Fox News. Fox News, look, whether it's a true conspiracy theory, like I'm saying, it's definitely true, or whether it's just Fox News are believing it and we're making fun of them, listeners can decide for themselves. But no, this is the very widespread view that the only way that, because they've acknowledged, the one thing I realized. The only way that a team that is so good, that they made it to the Super Bowl, could win the Super Bowl, is by some elaborate conspiracy involving an ancient president. An ancient president who can't remember anything.

No, so a man who's clearly about getting senile and a pop star. But the most implausible part of this story, Charles, let's not forget, the most unbelievable part of this, is the idea that the CIA could rig something. This is the organization that, and we did a whole podcast about this, you remember? Do you remember all the times they tried to kill for Castro and couldn't do it? Yes. They're terrible at rigging things. Yes.

They can't even assassinate Donald Trump. But do you think they want to? I would have thought that the CIA would be on Donald Trump's side. I don't know. Probably are. Maybe this conspiracy theory is an elaborate conspiracy theory. Oh my God, you're right. Just so doubt.

It's a false flag. It's a false flag operation. Planted by Team Trump. Yes. So that if Biden wins the election legitimately, then everyone won't believe it because I'll think it was the CIA puppet. at Masters. Yeah.

Well, actually, that is plausible. I do believe that one. Yeah. All right, more into a second. The Chaser report, news a few days after it happens. So, the election is getting crazier over there. And the point where you have Fox News people actually genuinely arguing that somehow, the theory was, and it didn't happen, the theory was that Taylor Swift was going to come

on at half time somehow in Super Bowl when all of America was watching it with Usher. I'm not sure. Asha was busy taking his clothes off. He was endorsing a lack of T-shirts. He wasn't endorsing Joe Biden. Sorry, who's Usher? Usher was the performer at the halftime concept. Oh, right.

The pop star. He wasn't just an usher. Very musily. No, he wasn't an Usher. Yeah, they've got some usher. Come on to do the half-time show. It would have been great. And the theory was that Taylor would come out.

Kiss Travis Kelsey. I don't know quite how that would endorse Joe Biden, but the theory was she would use her superstardom to endorse Biden. And to be fair, she probably will at some point. Do you reckon? Why on it? What is? What's the upside of her endorsing Joe Biden?

Why would you ever align yourself to someone? He's not going to remember it. He's not going to remember the endorsement. There's no upside. Like, she just, like, what's the point? Donald Trump doesn't believe that she will because he said, I made so much money for her when I changed copyright law in 2018. Why would she endorse Joe Biden?

He didn't do anything for her. Yeah, but I suppose the point is if she doesn't endorse Joe Biden, then does that mean that she is endorsing Donald Trump? I mean, hang on a second. second. What's really going to happen? It's clear now. Oh, what? Taylor Swift is going to be president. Draft Taylor Swift. Yeah, Joe Biden is not going to make it. That's what the Super Bowl was all designed. It was cover to organise the meeting between Joe Biden and Taylor Swift to orchestrate the succession. The handover. Yes, that makes totals it. That's so much. That is exactly what

it is. See, it's Occam's Razor. That's what you need in moments like this. It's Hawkins raised it. It's always the simplest explanation is often the truest. I've just checked her date of birth. She's born December the 13th, 1989. That means she will just have turned 35 by the time she's sworn in his president on January the 20th, 2025. Right.

So is that good enough? You've got to be 35 to be president in the United States. So she just will have turned 35. So she's fine, I think. Yeah, she can go ahead. Okay, done. Yeah. So is that a constitution, like, is that coming from like a constitutional judge or just from what you reckon?

No, no, I think the limit's 35, because people have said Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez can't run yet because she's too young. But isn't the point that you've got to be like when you're running or is it just when you're inducted? I don't know. I'm assuming when you're sworn in, you've got to be 34. Yeah, okay, well, then that's fine. Okay, done. Well, if that's not the rule before, it will be for Taylor. And so why would Taylor Swift forego her billion-dollar music empire for having to sign a, bills about, you know, making, you know, transgender people feel bad about themselves and

stuff? Why would she want to have the job of being president? Yes. See, this is where the conspiracy theory falls down. Is it a little bit of his name? It's a shit job. Like, when you're president, you have constant pressure. I mean, you do get to live in a very fancy old house, I suppose, but she's a confiative

house she wants. Yes. But here's the thing, you can't do a damn thing. And why did Joe Biden even want the job? He knows better than anybody that a president can't do shit. do you what, though, that briefcase that they carry around with the nuclear codes, that would be fun. That's what she wants, Taylor's version. It's the power.

The nuclear briefcase, the Taylor's version. And also, she sort of needs the next, like, she's sort of, she's won the music. She's got more Grammys than anyone in the history of the Grammy. You're thinking of Beyonce, but that's okay. At least you know, somebody has more grommies than anyone else. She's, she's one music industry. She's one, best, she's one album of the year more than anyone else. Yeah, like, she's basically, like, she's done that.

It's like Ash Barty. She's made billions of dollars. You sort of become number one, and then you go, well, what next? The era's tour is the most successful tour in the history of touring. In the history of touring, yeah. Are you going? I spend a day refreshing my browser. They're releasing more, they're releasing limited view tickets today.

They are 4 p.m. What the fuck are we doing on this podcast? Not until 4. Oh, it's 4 p.m. Jesus. You can pay, I think it's $65 to look at a wall in the same space where Taylor Swift is singing to people who can see her. Worth it. Totally worth it.

To go to Homebush, you see? It's pretty extraordinary. Four nights in a row at the Olympic Stadium. But I've heard rumours, Dom, that actually the Homebush show is going to be particularly special. Is it? Because that is where Taylor Swift, and you heard it here first, is intending to announce her candidacy for the presidency of the United States of America. Yes. That's so exciting.

And Joe Biden will come in with a helicopter. Yeah, of course. Marine One will fly in. And he'll say, he'll greet the country. crowd and say, Taylor, it's all you. Yep. It's all you. And then he'll forget what a name is.

And he'll say, Angela. I endorse Taylor Trump. And that's what's going to happen in Sydney. How exciting. And it's because it's the obvious place to announce candidacy. At course stadium. Yeah. That's right.

Who will be her running, mate? Will it be Travis Kelsey, her boyfriend? No, that's a good. It's a good, I think you won a bit of W. I mean, Beyonce. Beyonce's not going to be anyone's VP. Is she? No, yeah, okay.

Um, what about Jay-Z? Did they get along? I don't think they get along. It's not going to be Kanye. That much we can be sure. No, it's not, definitely not going to be Kanye. I think, I... Do we want to be one of a crew?

Maybe Blake Lively. Like, she was sitting next to Taylor at the Super Bowl. She's Mrs. Ryan Reynolds, Charles. She hasn't done a thing since, uh, gossip girl, actually, Blake Lively. Blade Lively's funny. Yeah, so she could be a great vice person. She can't come up and do the comic relief. I think you need to appeal to a different audience, though, don't you?

You need to appeal to a, decrepit old people. Joe Biden could be the vice president. He makes a good, he's the most experienced vice president ever. I don't think, are there any term limits on a vice president? I don't think there are. No, no.

You know what it would be funny, actually. If you're going for the pop culture candidacy, Julie Lewis. Can you imagine if she actually had the job? That's worth, that's actually worth doing. That would be totally worth. Like, people would vote for it just for the lulls. They would.

And also, she'd be really good at it. No, she's very smart. That's good. I like that. I mean, going back, who are our other vice presidents over the years? Who was George W. Bush? Dick Cheney. Is he still alive? I don't know. Is he dead now? It was impossible to tell, wasn't it with Dick Cheney?

Barack Obama could come back as a VP, couldn't he? There's no rule against him being a VP. Well, I think he couldn't because he couldn't be president. I'm not sure. But Dick Cheney is still alive. But if he isn't alive, he'd be more effective as a sort of robotic corpse. What about Donald Trump as the vice presidential community? Like of national unity. They could bring together the nation.

That's very good. Yes. Or Ivanka could do it. Yeah. Mike Pence. Mike Pence. Mike Pence. Actually, Mike Pence, I mean, you've got to say, Mike Pence did, he actually did

manage to resist the coup. I wasn't expecting it, him to actually hold off the coup. No. History will remember Mike Pence fondly for about three hours of his life. Yes. Those three hours. Only those three hours. Yes.

So, okay, well, this is exciting stuff. It's all happening here in Australia. Isn't it good that we are able to sort of bring an analysis of American politics that you just don't get when you're over in the US? And pop culture and sport. I really think of this podcast, the highlight would have to be our incisive analysis of what happened in the Super Bowl. Yeah, oh, definitely. I think, I mean, there'll be sports buffs now tuning in to this. Absolutely.

This episode will go via. I feel like this has been one of our strongest episodes ever. Well, we mentioned Taylor Swift, so I presume all the Swifties will listen. Hello, Swifties. Yes. And then when she actually does declare her candidacy, you heard it here first. You heard it here first. You didn't see it here first.

We're in the limited view section at looking at a wall or a ball art or something. We've got to go. I've got to get online. Yeah, let's go and book tickets. Our Gears from Rogue. We are part of the iconic class network. Get you tomorrow. to the chief, Tyler Swift.