The Chaser Report - DJ Donald Trump's Hottest 100

Episode Date: February 8, 2022

After a few years unemployed to evaluate his career, a very special president has turned his talents to the art of laying tracks. The Queen celebrated her 70th year anniversary, so Dom celebrates 70 years of not screwing up as badly as all the other royals do. Plus Aleksa asks why the world's billionaires are all panic-buying super-yachts. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report. It is Wednesday, the 9th, February. Charles Firth is still not here. Gabby Bolt is here. That's me. That's me. I'm Charles.

Alex Avlovich is here and I'm Dom Nice. That was Gabby. What's the big news story we want to start the show with? What's the fact that's happening in the world that we want to smash our listeners with this morning? There's a new DJ in the world of DJs. God, we've got so many. That's what I thought Flume was at his peak.

Yeah, I basically thought that COVID had pretty much killed the whole of DJing and I was sort of celebrating that fact. You're telling me that's not true. COVID brought some DJing to life because while a certain someone was isolating at Mara Lago, he was learning how to spin some decks. What, at like DJ school in Mara Lago?

Of course. Which member of the family? I can imagine Eric getting up there and just being like, I'm going to play some tunes. I reckon it was somebody a bit more kind. I reckon it was like Kim Kardashian or something. She's like double law degree and DJ. No, who was it?

Donald Trump. What? DJ Don. No. Yeah, yeah, he's been DJing, apparently. The 45th president of the United States of America is a DJ now? Yeah, yeah. And I mean, like, there's not a whole lot of information on it, though.

Like, we don't know what he's playing, like what his style of music is. Wait, sorry, so hold on, just you're not fucking. with me. No, no. This just seems like a classic Alexa. This isn't some complicated setup to a joke about how he's like stealing tunes or something or stealing beats. It's just a man with a hobby.

Nothing, nothing more. How do you go from war criminal to DJ? That's my question. But there wasn't a whole lot of information on these sets. They're all very secret. It's a very exclusive club there at Mar-a-Lago. So I took upon myself to kind of work out potentially what he couldn't be playing, you know, because I really want to know.

And he's done interviews in the past. He's obviously a big public figure. And he's let it slip what his favorite songs are. Oh, of course. There are some weird artists out there. So once he said that his favorite artist was Neil Young. Oh. I've listened to his music for years.

His voice is perfect and haunting. Which is, I mean, hilarious because he's like the hydrochloroquine president. That's crazy. It's also like, now you've got to wonder whether he has Apple Music or Spotify. Because, like, Neil Young's taking all his music off Spotify. So that means, like, Trump has to align with either Joe Rogan or Neil Young. Oh, that's so hard. That'd be a tough call for him.

Oh, man, take a look at your life. You've tried to destroy American democracy. I mean, that kind of fits. He's a lot like you. Yeah, like. He's pretty masochistic in the sense that, like, he also, one of his favorite musicians is Eminem, who also hates him. Oh, presumably he likes Eminem a song, Criminal. I think it'd be love the way you like.

Well, it wouldn't be Slim Shady because Donald Trump is in no way slim. Maybe it would be Slim Shady. you know. Don't you reckon? Can't you just see Donald Trump getting up every day and just do do do do do it? Dude, dude, dude. Dude, I can hear it.

Oh, I'm very shady. Yes, I'm totally shady. The other shadies are just imit. Yeah, it kind of fits. Yeah. It's his whole character. But the thing is, all the songs he likes are ones that don't fit. So he was in an interview and I asked him what the best song of all time was.

Oh, no. And I fucking, I love this song so much. Is that all there is by Peggy Lee? Isn't that what Stormy Daniel? said during her encounter. Sorry. Broke Gabby. She's gone.

Let's actually just leave it as. Let's actually just leave it as Stormy Daniel. On today's show, we're going to be taking a look at the Queen's Jubilee. It's been 70 years since she became Queen. God. And Alex, so it just says super yachts here. Don't get me started. I mean, do get me started.

We will. We will get you started after this with Rebecca Dayuna in the Chaser Newsroom. Scott Morrison has taken time out of his busy schedule of burning ants with a magnifying glass to deny allegations by colleagues that he is a psychopath, stating that if he finds out who has been spreading these rumours, he will skin them alive.

The PM claims he couldn't possibly be insane because he has someone specifically hired to teach him empathy. Opposition leader Anthony Albanese, has officially been declared as the winner of the inevitable Liberal Party leadership spill. While many have expressed surprise that the opposition leader could declare victory in a spill he's not even a part of, insiders have explained that the decision came after realizing he was the least unpopular option and his policies already fit quite well with where the Liberal Party wants to go.

Health experts are warning of a mass amnesia outbreak in Canberra as politicians around the Capital Territory are forgetting everything from the cost of everyday groceries to what texts they are sending about their bosses. Doctors warn that continued outbreaks could result in the entire nation forgetting who the Prime Minister is, which might cause another wave of leadership spills. That's the latest news cooked up by our Chaser Headline AI. I am Rebecca Day or not more, no. Now we had a very special anniversary over the weekend.

Oh, congratulations, Dom. No, not me. We all did. We all did. You know the one. I did. What was yours, Alexa? No, no, I'm asking.

You did, no, we all did. You included me in this and I don't know what I'm talking about. It has been, on Sunday, it became 70 years since Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the second ascended to the throne. Oh, my God. That went by so fast. I feel like just yesterday. It's kind of a weird thing too, because it means it's also the 70th anniversary of her,

father, King George's 6th to death. So it's kind of like, congratulations on your out of it. Oh, yeah, and the way that it happened was that your dad died. It's a genuinely awkward thing. That's the one downside to having a guaranteed hereditary job. Yeah, he's like, oh no.

Yeah, no taxes, but dad's dead. I mean, I wonder if there's like this weird thing of well, I'm absolutely gutted, but I am the queen now. I mean, Charles has been, I'm just going to say Charles's been waiting a very long time for this gig. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's the same way where you kind of go, like, I imagine if you have like a wealthy parent,

you kind of think, I don't want you to die. But when you do, I do have a list of things I am going to buy with the inheritance. You know, like we all do it. Don't we? That's not just me, is it. So, yeah, I think this is why the main celebration is going to be later in the year. I think it was in June or July when she actually, you know, had the coronation and did the whole thing. But I've got to say, congratulations.

I mean, 70 years without. any point. Like she was in the same meetings with people pretty much that Prince Philip was. She didn't say a single racist gaff. Like for 70 years. Not that we know of. Once she dies, maybe that's when it all comes out. But I mean, he got in hundreds.

He got in hundreds of them. And she may have been thinking some of these things, but she never said it. That's well done. If she's like a hundred years old and she's drunk every day, I can't imagine that she's not doing racist things. But not in public. She's never done it in public.

Wasn't she told she became the queen and that her dad was dead while hunting animals in South Africa? Is that not the story? She was up a tree house, actually. It was the best visit to a tree house ever. In South Africa, though? Racist, obviously. But, I mean, 70 years, she never once did what Charles did and got busted saying she wanted to be her lover's tampon and crawl up inside. Never once.

She'd never said anything like that in 70 years. Oh, come on. I had completely forgotten that that had happened, and now I feel sick. I mean, she's never ever dressed as a Nazi. She's never been busted for being in a pub late. Well, that they are all German. And she's never been busted naked in Vegas. Like, none of the things that we know of.

Yeah. Do you think it'll all come out? There's still time. She's still got a bit of time to party. You know, yeah, I keep saying this. Now that she's a widow, you know, and the responsibility of being like a good wife, which I imagine is something she held in high regard is, like, gone. And you know how, like, widows go through that thing?

single and ready to mingle. Like, you know how like when older women lose their husbands, if their husbands die before them, they kind of go through that phase of like rediscovering things that they like to do outside of their relationship? I reckon there's still time for the queen to go nuts in Vegas. You think she's going on Bumble? Yeah, she's a total quilf, surely. But I mean, have you guys watched The Crown?

Because basically what the Crown? Oh, have I? The Crown basically says that every other member of the Royal Family, like certainly Philip and Princess Margaret, who basically spent the whole 60s going to pretentious parties and getting it on with people. The Queen doesn't seem to have ever even gotten to do that. No, she wasn't allowed.

It's sexist, I tell you. I don't think the other ones were... Well, it doesn't matter. I mean, I have been vendetta with the Crown for the different reason that it made me attracted to Prince Philip, which is just not something I ever wanted to have to admit. Like, I didn't want to ever see Prince Phillips' demonstrated ass and be like, yeah, all right.

Like, I never wanted that in my life. But he's got sweet funds. Is that the way your mind is working? The show fucks with me on so many levels. Like, that level, the fact that Princess Margaret is somebody I reckon I could have a beer with, when in reality I know Princess Margaret probably would have spat on me. Like, it's like, it's just an upsetting. I don't want to humanize the royals, you know?

They're royal. When she can do whatever she wants, she has all the power in the world. And she's never once in 70 years. appeared in a photo with an underage girl and a convicted paedophile. I mean, well done. That we know of. But I guess the other thing is, and four members of the royal family were guilty of this.

She was never part of the TV series, It's a Royal Knockout. What? Have you not heard of It's a Royal Knockout? No. Do they box? Do they fight? Yeah. In the 80s, there was this awful yet awesome TV show called It's a Knockout,

where basically people conducted stupid games like trying to get across a slippery pole over a swimming pool hitting each other with giant pieces of foam it was kind of like ninja warrior but incredibly silly and at one point prince edward wanted to be a tv entrepreneur and he set up a production company and he did a thing called i think it was called the grand knockout tournament i researched this one as well it had in it him

prince charles prince andrew and princess and as the team captains. I think it's so insane that these families are so incestuous, but they also don't have other friends. They just like, who do I have on my show? I guess my family. Do a segment on this. I want audio grabs of Prince Charles.

Like, oh, like when you fall in. I mean, she did make a total hash of Princess Dinah's death and potentially interfered inappropriately and got rid of a democratically elected Australian government. Yeah. But at least she wasn't friends with Jeffrey Epstein. Congratulations, Your Majesty. Well done.

And you know what? Your Majesty, there's still time. The Chaser Report. News a few days after it happens. Super yachts, Alex. What is a super yacht? Look, it escapes definition. It's this amazing floating theme part. Well, I'd hope it was floating if it's a yacht. I mean... I mean, are they like the supercars in Gabby's hometown. They're basically driven very quickly around about by Bogens. You know what? You brought it up.

Once. Let's not roast me again. I mean, the only similarity is that they're both horrible for the environment, but super yachts take the cake. They are polluting super yachts. It is like if you're Roman Abramovich or like James Packer or something, you have this stupidly oversized boat. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, but there's a big issue. COVID was not very gentle to the super yacht industry. Oh, because during COVID, super yachts were the. marriage of the two most important things in COVID, right? You had enormous transfer of wealth, like rich people got so much money, but also you had this huge need to socially distance. So when it ended up happening, everyone ran out and bought a super yacht. Everyone. Well, every, yeah, everyone. Yeah, I did. Is that where Charles is? Yeah, exactly. He's floated ashore. So yeah, all these rich people buying up all the super yachts, spending all their time on private floating theme

parks. 887 super yachts were sold in 2021, which is double the number it was before the pandemic. Crazy. And now there aren't enough super yachts in the world. There were this huge backlog. We've bought too many. And everyone's waiting heaps for their, for their super yachts. Why are we in this industry when we could be making super yachts? It sounds like we could just buy some shit old ferry and spray it with gold. Sounds great. What wigs me out about this? Because like, in my head, I was like, okay, look, like, you know, it's kind of funny. There's a, there's a crisis of super yachts, but it's opened up this huge can of worms. And I think these ridiculous machines explain so much about the world economy. Yeah. So right now, let's go to Rotterdam, right? There's

this huge protest because Jeff Bezos has just purchased a 127 meter long super yacht. A cockboat. Yeah, this is the, your cockboat, yeah, except this one just glides on the, on the surface of the water. Like all good cocks. It's the largest one. It's the largest yacht in the world. I'm just imagining like two and a half Olympic pools in length. That is a stupidly long thing. Fucking crazy for one person to sail on. It's the largest yacht in the world and it's so insanely huge

that they can't get it out of the port because there's a bridge in the way. And the normal bridges that open up for boats can't handle... It's the Suez Canal of Supriots. I love that they didn't think this through. Like all that money and it can't go under the bridge. Truly no sense.

When you have that much money, need to think it through. That's the thing because the government in Rotterdam just decided, okay, let's disassemble the bridge for the super yacht. And, um, kidding me. It's a huge issue now. Like, there's a huge, there's a Facebook group, um, in, in Rotterdam. Three thousand and eight hundred people signed up to go and throw rotten eggs at the yacht as it comes through. Brilliant. Um, it's a really touchy subject because this bridge is like a super old bridge. And the last time it was taken down was when the Nazis invaded. Oh, no. So now the second wave, they want to take it down for the Nazis again. Exactly. Why can't Jeff Bezos just tie it to his stupid cockrocket

and tow it over the top of the bridge and then dump it back down again? That makes so much more sense. You can't, sorry, double penetration. But yeah, I mean, yeah, it's a real issue. Everyone's getting onto the super odds. And then it got me thinking like, sure, these people are rich, but like, where's the money coming from? Like, they're actually, they're taking out loans to get these boats, right? And that's caused a different crisis at a place called Credit Suisse, which is, you know, huge international investment bank. They've lent a billion dollars. to rich people for super yachts. And it's super, super risky

because right now interest rates are super low and also Credit Suisse experienced 12 defaults on their yacht loans very recently. So what's going to happen is if the economy turns, they're going to just own all these stupid boats that can't even get out of the floor. They can't go anywhere. They're just stuck behind bridges in Rottadam.

It's a great float though. But what they've done now is super, super safe. They're bundling all these fucked up yacht loans into derivatives and selling it off to other investors. Oh, well, I mean, also, when you think about it, Switzerland's a landlocked country. So what are they going to do with 12 super yachts? Talk about offshore bank accounts.

And it gets even funny, Inc. So they're doing this super fucked up thing, having all these dodgy loans. Yeah, the same as the GFC, right? They're doing the exact same stupid thing as the GFC except for an even more stupid product. Yeah, it's like people need houses, people don't need boats.

But they had to market this to investors. They'd be like, will you buy our shitty, loans and in the process of doing that they kind of revealed how these loans are done so it's a super special section of the company which is linked to marketing so the reason they give out these loans right is they've got these super rich principal investors who invest in the investment company right and the way they attract them is by giving them loans on their luxury toys so it's not even like a loan to make money for the bank it's a loan to be like enticing people with money to spend money in the bank. Oh my god. And it's it's so insane. And they outline the factors that help them to

decide whether the loan is appropriate. And one of the big variables is a change in personal situation such as a divorce. So, I like Jeff Bezos. You find a billionaire who's divorced and like perfect. I'll give you as much money as you want, buy whatever you want. Traditionally, someone with a midlife crisis and gets divorced or who buys a sports car. Now you buy a 125 metre long yacht. What's crazy about, I mean, even with a sports car, as unreasonable as that is, you can understand a billionaire buys it, gets in and drives it. With these things, Jeff Bezos doesn't drive these boats.

He needs a crew. That's where super yachts get even crazier. Like, all the people who work on them are, like, crazy exploited. Right. And because they're moving through all these different, like, international waters, through hundreds of different jurisdictions, the only labor laws that apply are the ones where the shipping company signs a contract with their Filipino workers. And that country is always Liberia.

That's true. That's absolutely true because I've studied this in the past. And are you telling me, I won't let this stand on this podcast. You're not going to tell me that Jeff Bezos has imposed bad labor conditions on people who work for him. That doesn't sound like here. I'm out. You can't make me. And it's not like there's always going to be a place to pee on those boats.

That's true, actually. You just go off the side. Look, as the logical figurehead of this company, I really think we need to think smaller because we're going to piss all the money away on a super yacht, right? What we need is a super dinghy, okay? We got to start small, so we pimp out a dingy to like, I don't know how we pimper it, maybe we put like a game of mouse trap on there or something. We give people things, maybe like a little iPad screen.

And we just, we work our way up, right? We can't just jump into the super yachts. We've got to have super dingy, then super kayak, and then super-consumer. new super boat, super yacht, right? It's got to be a tiered system. You can't, you can't just jump into the big thing to make millions of dollars for no reason. Wait, wait, wait, credits Swiss just gave us a loan to a million dollars for our first super dinghy. Fuck yeah. Super dingy. Well, we've got to go make a super dingy, but this episode, our gear is from road microphones and we're a part of the A-Cars creator network. See you, Dom. The podcast is yours.

We're going to go build a super dinghy. Where's the crew going to sleep? Oh, that's right. We don't care. No, not my problem. Super dingy. Super dingy. Super dingy. Super dingy.