The Chaser Report - Don't Do Drugs Kids (Give Them To Us)

Episode Date: November 6, 2023

On this episode Dom explores the intricacies of drug legislation and pill testing, and Charles... well Charles pretty much just asks for drugs the entire time. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Hello, Charles. I've got some breaking news here. It's a bit scary. Oh dear. But as a public service, we do need to address it, which is that there is high dose MDMA circulating in Sydney.

Really? Right. The police have just issued a warning saying for people to watch out. because there are pills that have a particularly high dose of MDMA circulating amongst, you know, party goers and pill poppers in Sydney. Charles, as you know, I'm not really an expert on this stuff. Does this mean that they've actually detected, like, ecstasy pills or something that actually have an active ingredient in them? That's extraordinary. That's never happened before.

Yeah. So what the police are advising is if anyone knows where these high-dose MDMA pills are, especially as we're coming up to Christmas season, you know, holiday festive season, please contact the Chaser Report, podcast at chaser.com.com.com. Or my personal mobile, 0419282-188. And please, you know, let me know. And I'll pass on that information to the appropriate authorities. I'm not sure. I'm taking this very seriously, Dom, because this is an important public health emergency. You don't want to, you know, if you come across these drugs, you need to get rid of them. And to do that, you know, obviously you're probably won't want to go to the police directly yourself. You know, you're going to be implicated in a crime.

I am very happy to be the intermediary in that, you know, in that terrible, terribly and serious and very, very dangerous activity that... More of this potentially illegal episode of the Tosa Report after this. So, Charles, people generally, there's a crime stopper's phone line. People can call, you know, certainly in New South Wales, the police happens. It's probably a national thing as well. But do you think that's not the right? You never know whether calling crime stoppers is then going to lead for you to be implicated.

Right. What have you found? They say it's all very anonymous and everything like that. But how do you really know? It's the police, right? Like, you don't know. What you want is you want someone who you trust to take those drugs off you and to make sure that they get disposed of in an appropriate fashion.

And people should trust you. Why? Because, Dom, it's very serious and very scary. And you shouldn't think too much about it. What you should be doing is acting because this is an emergency. The police have already said this is an emergency. This is something that everyone's got to be aware of. And that's why it's important that you call me.

Charles, one of the things I admire about you is there's absolutely no chance that you are, you know, actively engaged in criminal activities. You're not a drug dealer. You're not a fraudster. Like I know quite a lot about your lifestyle. right? And there is just no evidence. There's absolutely no, you know how when people get a bit suss and there's like a new shiny car or something and you just sort of wonder what's going on and sort of splashing the cash around a bit and suddenly they're getting the bill at dinner or not. That's just not you. It's not that you're not generous. You're very generous,

but only with what you have or have on credit or whatever it might be. Like you're not, there's no, I would be so astonished. Sometimes you find out people are criminals and it's like, oh yeah, okay, that kind of tracks. In your case, no. Yeah. No, unless your optimism ran away with you. And maybe you invented some sort of website or maybe you created some sort of new service

for drug dealing that hasn't existed before that then lost money. I mean, I'm not saying you wouldn't commit a crime. I'm just saying you wouldn't live, you wouldn't ever get the proceeds of crime. Yes, yes. That's what would happen. Well, no, I'm not saying give me the money that you've,

I'm saying if you happen to come across this drug, I can be a pair of safe hands that make sure that it gets disposed of. It's very sweet, Charles, that as you approach the age of, what, 50? Forty eight. Couple of, I can't represent it. Save the date, by the way. I'm going to have a birthday party, my 50th.

Oh, yeah? All right. Okay. Very good. So, assuming you make it that far, I mean, it's very sweet that someone who's nearly 50 is still trying to score MDMA. But I, like, I've forgotten about MDMA. It's very nostalgic.

I mean, like, obviously, don't do drugs kids. But my God, MDA was good back in the early 90s. Remember Mitsubishi's? Did you ever do drugs? No, I never did. Which is good, kids, don't do drugs. The thing is, Charles. I mean, I never knew, because I saw people basically at parties,

and you were sort of dancing, having fun. And then they'd get very silly and annoying and want to hug everyone, right? Did I ever do that to you? No, no. No, but I remember I've got photos of you in the midst of party, and I think at your Bucks night that are quite funny, just because you'd had one beer too many. Charles.

Yes. And this is the thing. Like, people are objectively fucking irritating when they're... Like, there's nothing worse than being at a party. And this happened to be on a number of occasions. And not being... Yeah, and realising you're the... Particularly, you're the one who hasn't taken cocaine.

Yes. And suddenly every other person is becoming an aggressive dickhead. Particularly when you go out with guys. Oh, yeah. And also, I remember some of our friends lived in England. Yeah. A lot of them became very fond of the cocaine. Well, there were some amazing services.

I mean, I saw in the UK. this remarkable kind of dial-a-delivery thing in operation, like very sophisticated. Yeah, but then the person would become really fucking irritating and then they get really miserable. Unbelievably boring. That was the thing, like you'd go over there and, you know, you wouldn't necessarily be taking that sort of stuff

because you wanted to actually see London or whatever. Yeah, yeah. But then the entire party would become incredibly boring with all these sort of white men telling you what they think about. Yeah, it's quite like this podcast. But also just watch. videos like just literally just getting a whole bunch of because the weather's so shit there that you're not going out

what you're doing is you're staying at home you're getting I don't know DVDs or something like in massive numbers you're ordering pizza or something and you're just not doing anything for two or three days those were the days so that was so that's the kind of glomer you can get back to but yeah the ecstasy if you're a bit pervy like if you're the kind of person who I reckon some of the people

probably probably didn't some of the guys probably didn't take ecstasy and we just got a bit gropey like I don't know right oh you're saying it was just cover Like, it was pretty, people were pretty out there when they were, when they were doing the old MDMA, when they were doing ecstasy. Was they? It was very touchy feeling. We probably don't remember, but I remember. Yeah, right.

I go. Yeah. It was, like, let's just say, it wasn't a great ad for me for how wonderful it was to do that stuff. What I remember is that this one household that we would often visit, they had this amazing drug dealer service where the dealer, like the driver would tip you, right? So you'd order, so not me, obviously, but other people in the house would order like three bags of cocaine or like little baggies of cocaine. And then the driver would say, oh, and I'll throw in 10 pills for free. And that's as a visiting Australian who was incredibly poor. This was back when the dollar was worth, you know, like 30 pence or something of that.

You'd be given whatever the tip was as your party thing. It was like more drugs than you'd ever had before in your life. And it was sort of seen as this disposable. The little bonus for the cheap scat Aussie. And I remember, actually, at the time, somebody saying, yeah, pills in England in the mid-1990s were like the after-dinner mint. Yes. They were completely ubiquitous. Yeah.

They were incredible. And having spent two years of my life as a child growing up in England, I can completely understand the appeal. Yes. Particularly in the cold months, like in eight months of the year, the place is such a fucking shithole that any chemical stimulant that makes you feel like you're not living in England that introduces art. official joy, or even feelings, even fucking feelings at all, are probably welcome in that place. It's a terrible place. Do you think that explains Brexit?

Yes, I do. Because what happened was you had this drug culture of the 1990s. I think everything went a bit more sort of sober. Yeah, they all had to, they all came down, basically. They came down and then they went, oh, I hate my life. Oh, yeah, I'm going to vote for Brexit. And they hate European. Yeah.

Because every single other place in Europe, even Scandinavia, I'd argue, has better climate than Britain. Yes. And so they voted for Briggs and now they're stuff. And they're just stuck on this shitty little island. That's right. So yeah, I can completely understand why that. But it was extraordinary to see the kind of delivery service in action. I mean, it was a very customer-focused business. And look, I do understand that there are delivery services like that operating, especially in Sydney's eastern suburbs. And if anyone has access or knows about such delivery services, don't call crime stoppers because you never know what will happen there. You might be implicated or something of that.

But if you need to trust it into Meteory to do with this situation. You're going to become a honey trap for the cops after this. How do you know that I'm not already? More in a moment. The Chaser Report, news you can't trust. But I guess the thing is, Charles, I can say this because I was always the loser who never took anything, right? And there are kind of good reasons for that that I won't go into. But it doesn't matter.

The point was, I was the boring person who was always sober, right? Oh, even the boring person, even when you weren't. No, that's right. Yeah, yeah. But, I mean, you know, I was never on a chemically injury. It's high. And the thing is, I have very clear eyes about one thing, which is that a lot of people took a lot of things,

an awful lot of things, and were fine. And this is something that is never said in our society. It's a complete taboo to say this. Yes. But we're at a point now where we actually know, I don't want to implicate anyone who's involved in politics or whatever, but there are people who are in Parliament passing drug laws who broke the law a lot. Everyone knows this.

There are some prominent examples who aren't in politics anymore, who I don't know personally. But we have the most hypocritical society when it comes to drugs imaginable. Like, when there are all these people going on about pill testing, like, for fuck's sake, you probably took pills. And the one thing that would have been sensible for you to do when you were taking them is to fucking test them. Yes.

It's not complicated. Yes. If you want to take the risk of taking the thing, take the thing, but don't have some bullshit cut, adulterated, whatever, that is far more likely to potentially kill you. So, you know, I can say without anyone accusing me of, you know, wanting to take drugs myself, that our whole attitude to this thing is fucking ridiculous.

And if you do need a pill tested, and you don't want to go to the police or any authorities, give me a call. I can certainly help you, testing those drugs to see whether they are fatal or not. So, Charles, are you aware that you don't need to do any of this anymore? That actually this whole mode of operation in the place where we live here in Sydney is just so easily solved.

Like this whole dynamic doesn't, because there is a place, Charles. There is a place. You could call it Amsterdam like in the Y. You could call it Amsterdam like the real Amsterdam. There is a place where you can just go and take drugs with extremely minimal consequences. Are you talking about Parliament House? I am. But the reason I say Parliament House is because it's in the ACT.

And the ACT has decriminalised drugs. Oh, really? To a remarkable extent. And they did it about a week ago or two weeks ago. And there were reports saying that a whole bunch of Sydneysiders were going down to the ACT that weekend to take advantage. And, I mean, to be honest, tourism, Canberra has never had a better moves than that. But no, the penalties are quite low.

And also, I did know that they had a very successful pill test. trial last year in the ACT and that they've decided to extend it in this festival season this year. Well, I've talked to pill testers. I've actually interviewed them. And they are life-saving organisations that do the pill testing. And this is the thing. It's done with A&U.

Like, it's very legitimate. And so they've released reports on what was in them. And I found them so interesting that I've actually on multiple occasions interviewed the pill testers. We should probably get them on the podcast. Yes. Because it is so interesting how shitty they are. And this is my point.

Do the pill toasters know where? to get the people drop them off people actually just sort of donate them yeah right because they think they're probably dodgy yeah yeah well that's the whole point is you get you go and get them to test one of the batch and yes and they'll tell you what's in it yeah so you should probably be a pill touch is what I'm saying although you're supposed to do it in the lab child I don't think they use human tests they use they use chemical formulas so just to clarify what's going on I'm just reading this off the ABC News website um substances like cocaine and heroin and meth are still legal, but if you're caught with them, you'll be cautioned, find, or referred to a

counselling program. This is a small amount, right? They're viewing it as a health issue, so they're not letting you take it, but the consequences are very minimal, basically. Which is true of privileged white middle class people anyway. Who just take them and never get caught. Like, no one I know, maybe one person has ever been busted for taking the drugs that people used to take when they were young.

But it's been used to basically criminalise. and jail, a lot of sort of poorer and lower socio-economic groups in our society. Yes, and worse still, it funds massive amounts of organised crime. And like when you buy, I don't want to ruin anyone's fun, but when you buy drugs, you know, there will probably be murderers somewhere in the supply chain, right? That's just a, that's just a thing. It's just part of the business, quite like many large corporations. Yeah, but also, that sort of, doesn't that add to the sort of risky?

Risky fun, yeah. But the thing is, if most drugs were supposed to. supplied from pharmacies in a way where they were definitely safe to manufacture. You didn't have organised crime taking a part in the proceed. But you'd have to get pharmacists involved and they're dickheads

as well. I just wonder if everyone's taking a thing and the way that we supply it, A, funds crime and B makes it far more dangerous, is that actually a sensible policy stance? I mean, call me a fucking radical but I'm not sure it is. Yeah, and also it would take the police who are the biggest

dicks out of the whole thing. Yes, the Police would have time to actually, you know. But that's why they oppose it, because they wouldn't be able to confiscate drugs from one people and then on sell them to other people. I see what you see. Well, they'd have so much more time to, you know, focus on things like, I don't know, domestic violence or things where people actually are physically getting harm. And look, I'm not pro everyone taking drugs all the time.

I think, yeah, I mean, that's quite clear. But I just think the way that it works, and I'm sorry to have gotten all ranty and serious, but, you know, I'm in this position of no one can say it's because you want to, you know, take heaps of drugs because I don't. I've just always taken the view that, you know, being me in an intensified fashion with chemical assistance, probably wouldn't be able to be unbearable. I'd imagine, imagine being that much more mean, would be excruciating. Our gear is from Ride.

We're part of the Oconoclast Network. 0419-282-188. Just saying.