The Chaser Report - Dozza, Chucky & Megzy in the Morning

Episode Date: March 12, 2026

Dom has made a deal with the Australian Radio Network behind Charles' back about a new gig with an exciting contractual obligation, so the two nut out some ideas for their new 'ocker and advertiser-friendly show. Thanks ARN!---Listen AD FREE: https://thechaserreport.supercast.com/ Follow us on Instagram: @chaserwarSpam Dom's socials: @dom_knightSend Charles voicemails: @charlesfirthEmail us: [e-mail] CEO’s Super-yacht upgrade Fund: https://chaser.com.au/support/ Send complaints to: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigle Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. And dear listeners, we do apologise for our absence in recent times. Look, there have been a couple of reasons for it. The first we have to acknowledge is that Charles has been very busily preparing, but also, shall we say, fixing the one slight issue with his brilliant new Wankanomics show that opens in Adelaide.

In a couple of days, that's the first issue. Charles, is it all sorted? Are we ready to go? Yeah, although it's already open. Oh, is it open? Yeah, we've got two shows. We've already had two shows. But both shows were great, except at the end, we don't really still know quite how to end.

Like, afterwards, people were coming up last night and going, yeah, yeah, that was a great show. But we didn't know that it was the end when it ended. I think that might be a problem. Never a problem you have with this podcast. All you need to do is just say, we're part of the iconic class network, and that's the end of the show. Yes, that's right. You don't have to come. But you very cleverly came up with a very nice idea, which we're trying to make work.

So, look, who knows? You'll have to go to see. Look, it was really good last week. I know how regular listeners will know how little I like praising Charles. There's also, we've got a big announcement. And look, we said that we tell our listeners first. And so after the ads, just to build suspense, I mean, when this episode drops tomorrow,

this is going to be headlines in all the, All the websites, all the, everywhere. It's going to set the country on fire pretty much with excitement after this. Now, Dom, Dom, before you announce it, can I just say, I have no idea what you're about to announce? I mean, I'm looking forward to it. No, Charles, you haven't been part of the conversation because we know you've been busy with Wankinomics. Right, okay. But it's time to announce that the Chaser Report is taking over Kiss FM breakfast from Monday.

Yeah, look, sorry Kyle, sorry Jackie O, but it's time. It's time for us to come in. A duo with no, no Australia just controversy. Yes, but I think. Like each other. The level of, yes, that's right. And we're willing to work together. I think it's the main thing.

That also, Charles, I just think this is a big moment. It's high time we were back on the air. Yes. And I may have done a deal. Oh, no. I don't know if you're going to like it. Okay. What's the deal?

Okay. So is it like, $20 million a year? Is that the... No, that's what they were getting. That's clearly unsustainable or they'd still be there. I think that's... And I think, just listening to the excellent Game Changers radio podcast with Craig Bruce,

so I think almost signed us at one point, I can't remember. Yeah, analysing the whole thing and saying, it looks as though ARAN doesn't want to be in the Kyle business anymore, he says. Yes, yes, yes. And that's because they're now in the Chase to Report business. Yes. I just, I mean, he was saying maybe, maybe Kyle and Jackie could go to two-day with a $1 million,

a year plus revenue type deal. Yes. Does that sound like a good pitch to you? No, because every single person who goes to the AFM then dies a ratings debt. Yeah, yeah. But what if I told you? It's like that shop on the corner of Glead Point Road and Greek Street in Gleaves. Yes.

That just dies every single business. Even at one point, a Scottish cafe set up there. And just going, that's going to last like three seconds. Like just every. Anyway. That's a good point. Well, I don't know how you'll react to the deal that I made. And I probably shouldn't have just gone and made it without talking to you.

And you haven't signed yet, right? Yeah. How do you feel about $0 plus revenue? Right. So how does, what, wait a minute, what is revenue? Like, like ad sales. Like if they sell ads on the all new Chase Report breakfast show from next week, if they sell ads, we get a bit from that.

But we don't get anything just to be there. Do we get like 100% of the revenue? revenue? No, we get a tiny fraction of the revenue. It's, it could be, it could be as much as minimum wage. Right. But you've got to get up at 3.30 in the morning. No, no, it's more like five. Right. Yeah, because you just find it in. If you're doing KSFM, because all you're talking about is like, does your butt stink? Yeah, yeah. And do we have to be lowbrow like that? Like, is that part of the contract? No, because that doesn't work. The advertisers don't like that.

What we need to do is we do need to be an advertiser-friendly space. That is the only thing. A Smith's Chris advertiser-friendly space. Or whatever it might be. That is as happy as when you eat a Capilano honey crumpet. I did need to say, there are a couple of provisos, Charles, a couple of provisos in the contract. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know that in the past in these kinds of deals, we've said no to gambling contracts. Yes. What I've said is that not only will we take gambling contracts, but we'll actually wage a double or nothing on each of them. So we'll toss a coin every time we sign what. I love it. Yes, that's a great idea.

Presumably we'll win some of them. How do you feel about just giving the state of the world at the moment? I was surprised to see this on our end's list, but defence contractors. Apparently they really want to advertise in Sydney breakfast and Kyle and Jackie weren't the right space for them. That is to get what they were trying to. do, which is obviously world peace through heavy weapons.

Yes. No, I'm fine with British aerospace. In fact, I think Lockheed Martin is one of my, like, favorite brands on Instagram. It is. Like, yeah. I don't know which is the best. Which is the best Martin? Is it Lockheed Martin or Chris Martin from Coldplay?

I don't know. No, there's no comparison. Lockheed or way. Yeah. Although, you know how Chris Martin always enters the charts with a rocket? Yes. Maybe that's a Lockheed Martin rocket. Hey, we could make it a multicolored cold play rocket that says Namaste in Hindi on the side.

When you're talking about hits, you're not talking about music hits. Oh, you're talking about hits on civilians. So, look, I did have to give a few things away. That is true. Yes, but like our integrity and self-worth. Well, not that we had much anyway. Yes, exactly. It's just a moment in the spotlight, Charles.

Yes. It's also true that we're only allowed to have the job for one survey, Unless we do okay. So it's precarious employment, shall we say. But look, I'm willing to roll the dice. I mean, well, that's why we want to gamble. There's no bigger gamble than this. In fact, may I mention that several betting companies are actually offering unique

combos on whether our breakfast show will survive the first survey. That's how we, that's actually how we make all the money out of it. That's how we fund it. Just bet against ourselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Inside a trading. That's what it's all about. So, look, let's just take some more ads.

and I really hope some of our defense contractor friends are in here. And then we should probably brainstorm some ideas for the first show. Yeah, yep. The Chaser Report, less news more often. Okay, so first off, I really think that we should do it to phone or about how much we hate renewable energy. Because Santos Gas is a great gas company doing a lot of stuff and paying lots of Australian tax right on shore. Well, that's what we need. We need a tax revenue unless Charles, and this is.

the thing that's so great about this approach? Like, it's not as though we're opposed to renewable energy for the right price. Like, if big solar wants to come on board, if they've got more money than Santos gas, talk to our people. Yes. And we'll give away solar panels and icy coal cans of whatever you want. Yeah, so if there's any representatives of the wind or, yes, windmills, it'll be fine. Or the sun, you know, like, or just nature, like all those moneyed interests who's supportive of nature? Like if Big Green wants to come at us, we're open to office. I mean, the other thing is, prank calls.

Can we do prank calls? I know that ends badly sometimes. But there is one I want to do first show on Monday. Oh, yeah, yeah. I don't know if you know this. What about we ring up? I know, we ring up and we order a delicious Domino's pizza. And send it, we could send them to Kyle and Jackie O.

Oh, yes. And I don't know if you know this, but I think I've got Carl Sander-Lanz's mobile number. It's in my phone. Yeah, I don't know if that's the real one. If anyone actually knows his mobile phone. Let's do a call on Monday morning. We should bring it. Yeah, first break.

Hey, Carl, I know you think you're sleeping in. Hard, tricked you. No, but he wouldn't have got around yet. He'd still have the bar, he'd still be getting up at 4 a.m, I reckon. Oh, you reckon he still be. Yeah, well. Actually, we probably couldn't have him on. The ACMA regulations have.

I don't think we should take that approach. All right, what about some co-hosts? Who could we get? I mean, Radio Chaser, we had the other guys. That feels a little bit five years ago to me. No, no, no. Yeah, you want, I'm thinking it's got to be, we need a woman who is in the public profile. Yes.

And sort of like, he's far more talented than us, usually. Yes. And he's actually the star of the show. And then the man comes in and 27 years later, Yeah. It's the man who fucks everything. Of course. And what you really want to do, you want it to be, you know how they did it with Nova

with Kate, which should be the Chaser report with Dom and Charles and the person, like as as an afterthought. What about Lisa Wilkinson? Oh, I was thinking Helen Mirren. But yeah, okay. Helen Mirren. The British actress. Yes.

Helen Mirren. Dave, Helen. Is she a little bit too lowbrow? She's too lowbrow. I know. She'd do it, I think. Let's just see how that sounds. You can do it in the deep voice.

I'll have a little crack. The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles and Dame Helen Mirren. Can you give that the base treatment? Give that a bit of... And Dame Helen Miram. Yes, that takes it worse. Oh, Mirren, sorry. Mirren, yeah.

We've got to get the name right. Oh, no, no, sorry. I'm so sorry. It would just be Dame Helen. We don't do surnames. Wait a minute. Do we have a... Is there a Queen?

Queen Camilla? Maybe we get her as the co-oised. You know who's coming to Sydney next one? John Charles and the Queen. No, I've got it. You know who's coming to Sydney next. month and is totally available for any media work. What?

She's literally coming next month. Who? Who? Who? Who? Oh, yeah. Yes. And she's, like, got an open calendar.

Yeah. I think Netflix should have to be Megsy. It'd be Megzy. Yes, that's good. Yeah. Doza and Megzy. Dozer, Chuckie and Megzy. That's good.

Oh, do I have I got. On kiss. Dozer. Dosa. You could be Chuxy. That's really good. Like the wipe. Oh, look.

Oh, this is sounding good. Okay. Well, um. The great thing about that. Exciting news. I mean, she could do prank calls on her in-laws. Yes. We get access to, like, every time somebody goes to hospital,

we get to do a prank call. I forgot about that. Why am I bringing up prank calls? See, we're already in trouble. We haven't even gone to air yet. All right. So, look, I'm planning on turning up bright and early 5 a.m. at ARN headquarters.

I think that's enough time to prep it to your show. 5 a.m. Monday morning. Yeah. And we'll just see if we can get into the beach. building. Yep. Okay. That's great.

Yep. Do it. And just the important point is, if we breach the contract, we need to legally answer that, say that we didn't breach it and that we still want to be paid out. That's the one key thing you need to do with the radio contract apparently. But isn't the contract worthless because you negotiated zero dollars? Oh, yeah. No, no, we're getting all the upside.

Oh, we're getting the upside. Unless the mad fucking witches don't like us. The upside. with Dom and Charles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give you the name to show. We're doing it for free. They're not getting paid because it's not very good.

All right. Thanks, thanks, ARA, by the way, for taking a chance on a couple of white guys. It's really good of you. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, I didn't expect that. Can't wait to talk about your product and service. Just contact the ARIN sales team and we'll sort out a special rate.

Tell them we sent you. We're part of the Oconiclass Network. For now. Yeah, for now.