The Chaser Report - Dutton, If You're Listening

Episode Date: March 19, 2025

A recent policy announcement from Peter Dutton has made Charles realise that the Opposition Leader might be a podcast listener, so what other influence could we have on them? Meanwhile, if you want to learn something that isn't a half-baked Charles-ism, Dom encourages you to listen to actual interviews of our senior politicians.Watch OPTICS on ABC iview here:https://iview.abc.net.au/show/opticsCheck out more Chaser headlines here:https://www.instagram.com/chaserwar/?hl=enGive us money:https://chaser.com.au/support/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello, and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Hello, Charles. Now, just before we started recording, you said to me, we can just jump into it. I've got a topic. I'm ready to go. I have no clue what you want to talk about today.

But I'm hoping it involves a grand theory that explains everything. I have a theory that Peter Dutton has been listening to our podcast. Really? Yes. Because he's come up with a new policy, which is absolutely fucking shit. But, no, actually, no, I'm not going to say that. No. He's come up with a really sensible policy for a better tomorrow.

And it's exactly the sort of policy that you come up with if you'd listen to our podcast. He's listening, Dom. In interesting theory. You know how they say this is going to be the podcast election? They do. They do. They're happening already. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Well, I mean, I listen to. I recommend to everyone, if you want to understand Peter Dutton and Anthony Alman is he better, I spent quite a bit of time listening to their interviews with Michelle Gratton for the Conversations podcast and very interesting, very interesting. A lot of detail, a lot of issues. I wouldn't want to be Kevin Rudd and be expected to stay on as the ambassador to Washington if Peter Dutton wins.

But yeah, there are a lot of interesting things there. I didn't detect any ideas that seemed. I've never heard the phrase Michelle Gratton and the word interesting used in the same sentence before. It's actually a really good podcast because they sat down for long. interviews and you know you hear 10 minutes on the 730 report or whatever and that's fine but it's a bit combative I like hearing them open up and explain their ideas and what they want to do and so I'll tally your view of Peter Dutton with what I can recall about the interview which might not be very much let's see how we go after this okay so this is my theory

he's come up with this new policy which is he's going to hold a referendum which will allow Australia to strip citizenship from any dual citizen who commits a crime, right? And that is, that's, that's basically targeting New Zealanders, right? It's just basically targeting, you know, shoplifters who come over from New Zealand, get citizenship, and then shoplift something. And you want to, you want to target them, right? And that's the sort of thing that we were talking about on the podcast, which is you sort of want to, you want to pick a target in this election that's sort of a bit pissy and that you can win against.

And I think targeting New Zealand fits into the vibe of the sort of politics that you'd adopt if you listen to the Chaser Report. Do you see what I mean? So this is the notion that what we really need is we need to be the sort of Donald Trump, the bully, the capricious impossible to please, tariff imposing, big kind of big kid in a small pond. Yes. And we said New Zealand, we were going to have New Zealand as kind of like a UK little brother type thing and then pick on the Cook Island.

Yeah, but I think he's gone, no, no, no, we can actually bully New Zealand. He's looked up the population stats. So this is just to clarify, this is the proposal from Peter Dutton that would go to a referendum, by the way, let's put it in that question. Yeah. But he would, what he would do is he would ask the Australian people for the right to cancel the citizenship of dual citizens who commit crimes. Yes, that's right.

So we've already established that you can't get rid of people if they have no one else to go. But if they have, for instance, in New Zealand passport or a British passport or whatever, they can lose their Australian one if they commit crimes here. But I think let's be realistic here. I don't think he's trying to target British dual citizens. Like, let's be honest, you know, the English, he's not going to target that. He's not going to go to a referendum saying, let's pick on English people.

Let's pick on our fellow white colonial. And it would be ironic, though, wouldn't it, if we, if we exported criminals to Britain. I think that's, that doesn't have all kinds of fascinating historical resonances if we were to do that. But what I find amazing is, I think that this referendum is literally the opposite of the voice, isn't it? Because it's, it's sort of saying, let's strip a certain section of population of a voice in Australia. It's the sort of little Hitler referendum that you get. And I think that Dutton's very shrewd, in this thing, because everyone's saying this is a stupid idea, it's going to completely fail and

it's not going to go anywhere. What those commentators are not taking into account is that Anthony Albanese agrees with everything Peter Dutton says and does, because he's too scared of coming up with anything on his own. So he's immediately going to fold and say, oh, well, we'll definitely support that referendum. And then it's fatal complete. If you have both parties supporting a referendum, him, it gets up in Australia. So. But he hasn't, Charles, that's not what he's done. He's called it a thought bubble and, she said, it's another thought bubble from Peter

Dutton that hasn't made it to lunchtime. What? It's not clear where it has come from. Peter Dutton wants to talk about anything but the cost of living. So I'm not ruling out Anthony Aberdezzi agreeing with him down the track. Perhaps he will. Yeah. But he's actually said, you're not serious.

This is a distraction. But is he said, has he said, he opposes it or has he said it's? Because I don't think he's said he's opposed to it. He's rubbished the idea. But I think he said it's another thought bubble. I think that that actually means in Anthony Albany as he speak, I'm about to bring it in. Oh, you think that's an endorsement? Yes.

It's a thought bubble. I love a thought bubble. But yeah, look, it is an interesting policy to float so close to an election. I suspect this has been in the back pocket for quite some time. And this follows on from the coalition tried really hard to do this in government. And the High Court said, no, I think on several occasions that they couldn't, essentially, get rid of people with the right to leave in Australia if they are convicted of crimes. So, but I'd love to know how extensive this problem is.

How many dual citizens are being convicted of crime serious enough to warrant deportation? Like, are there tens? But I think the point is it doesn't have to be people serious. It can be anyone who is convicted of a crime. So you're mainly targeting people who scan their avocados as onions and coals. It's a very bold choice to go up and be, you know, be fellow policemen. in favour of Coles and Woolworths in this election. I think it feels like you're sort of aligning yourself with...

I suppose he's looked at the popularity stats of Coles and Woolworths and he's going, well, they're even more popular than me. I wonder if this is... These must be popular organisations. I wonder if this is a miscalculation. People used to talk about that's the kind of convict spirit, the anti-authority Australian tradition, the Laracanism. And maybe that's the point where we are now is that a crime is a victimless crime in

the views of many Australians. if the victim is actually Coles and Woolies. It's essentially a form of charity. Like, no one suffers. If people view stealing from the cashier is taking a wage for doing the checking out, don't they? But it's so weird because you'd think that Peter Dutton, because it also reeks of a little bit of mini-Trump, right? Like, it's sort of mini-mega. Oh, deporting people is very much on the Trump brand.

Yeah, yeah. And you'd think by now Dutton would be sort of running a million miles from that. Like, he tried for the first half of the year to, or, you know, the last six months to sort of align himself with Trump. But, you know, Trump's proving to be a bit of an anti-Australian in a way. Well, if I can refer you to Michelle Gratton's excellent interview with Peter Dutton, she asks him about this. And yeah, it's very clear. He's pretty keen to establish some distance between himself and Donald Trump. I mean, that's very evident that he, that's not going to wash.

He's not going Trump at a Patriots in this campaign. That's for Clive Palmer did it. But he does say that he'll handle things better with the Trump administration. He will go and get subsidies and things like that. The other problem is if we start deporting criminals, right, they'll realize how much cheaper houses are overseas. Well, it'd be doing a favour in many cases, don't you think? It'll lead to a mess exodus, wouldn't it?

Particularly if you're someone who's being busted for, you know, a scanning error at Coles or Woolies, if you're doing it that tough that you've got to scan through the fancy tomatoes or organic tomatoes as the cheap ones, you'll probably be very glad to go to a cheaper country. The Chaser report, less news more often. The other thing is, it's not very forward-looking because, you know, it's clear that this is now the pre-war generation.

There's going to be a world war, you know, in the next 20, 30 years. I love that you just sort of casually toss that thought in the conversation. Yeah, okay. Oh, no, but it's been widely discussed in the U.S. UK, that essentially this is the generation, like the people who are being born now are going to die on the battlefield, basically, probably murdered by AI robots. But if you learn anything about modern conflict, it's that some of the best fighters are the people you recruit from jails.

Like, that's how Putin is. Well, that's the Putin model. Yeah, it's the Putin model. So you need not just your scanning error people, you need your murderers and your, you know, violent criminals. So that, I mean, that, do you remember the controversy if, like, in recent years about all those people who were locked up in immigration detention, are having committed crimes, including murder and things like that

and had to be led out in the community with the kind of angle bands? You're saying those are the frontline troops with the future. Yes, absolutely, definitely. And I think... Oh, Warren Wagner Group. And I think the whole thing is, so you want your criminals here, so that's a bad policy. But on the other hand, and this is why it's such a confusing issue where, like, even I'm just going, you know, maybe it is a good.

good idea. On the other hand, it's a policy that will absolutely annoy New Zealand. So you can see an upside there. Like, I can see how if the election becomes a referendum on should we irritate New Zealand slightly, then, you know, I can see an intellectual majority just coming out of that simple. Yeah, many Australians will get behind, just niggling New Zealand. You're not doing anything serious. Yeah. I mean, shouldn't we say, shouldn't we start, if we're going to be truly Trumping about this, shouldn't we be. Shouldn't we be? calling the Prime Minister of New Zealand Premier. Yes. Yes. And referring to them

as the seventh state. Yes. Although... Unlike in America, it's in our Constitution that they can be if they want to be. I know, but we're like the sort of hopeless, cucked boyfriend who... Do you want to come back? The door's open. The door's open at any time. You're literally allowed to join us just by saying yes. And for a hundred years, they've gone, no, no. I think we should be building a wall. We should definitely be

building a wall between Australia and New Zealand. Yeah, I think that's, I mean, what we really need is kind of a Maginot. We're talking about the Maginot line earlier in the week. What is a sort of maritime Maginot line with sort of smart boys with AI and lasers detecting incoming Kiwis. Yep, yep. What would happen if you deported all the New Zealanders in Bondi? I suppose.

Oh, it would be terrible. Well, the parking would be better, though. That is actually would be very good for parking. I think the cafes in Bondi's, would there be. any baristas left in Bondi? Yeah, because presumably I would assume that every single, like 100% of dual citizens living in Bondi who are from New Zealand would have a criminal conviction for snorting Coke. But that would just, that's almost like, you're not allowed to be a barista in Bondi without that. I think, yes, you can't get a job. It's true. They're very

strict criteria. I think Charles also, you mentioned the, the notion of academic refugees coming in. I think if we start to really bully New Zealand and really grind, as Trump's doing with Kennedy, it sort of undermine their economy, make things go bad. We are off a sanctuary to anyone who's good at rugby. He wants to come and play for the wallabins. I think that could provide a very useful model. Yes.

And indeed, in the whole of the Pacific, people from the Tonga, the Cook Islands, Fiji, if you can run very fast with a ball, a whole lot of the ball, I think instant visa. Yep, yeah. Not a problem at all. Just looking at this though, Charles, it is interesting because,

current Australian law actually allows dual citizens to be stripped of their citizenship. If that is something seriously wrong, if they commit crimes such as terrorism or treason, if they repudiate their allegiance to Australia. And interestingly enough, you're not allowed to cancel their Australian passports as a punishment. That's what the High Court said is the problem, is that you're doing this as a form of punishment in the sense of retribution. That's not allowed. You can't use immigration policy to punish, which is, I suppose, news to many Australian politicians.

But, yeah, the really bad ones can already be cancelled. You can already kick them out. So we are looking for the more minor offenders. I just wonder how many of them there are. Is it parking overstay? Is it Bondi Beach? Definitely. Who are the people who are kicking out?

I think that there's actually, I'm thinking that maybe the Dutton policy doesn't go far enough. Like, let's not just target dual citizens. What about just single citizens? Like citizens of Australia, if you park too long at Bondi, you're a fuckwit. You don't deserve. Yeah, that's very un-Australian. Yeah. It's very un-Australian.

And where would you deport people if you strip them of their citizenship and they've got nowhere to go? Well, that's a good question. And in fact, this article from The Herald takes us back to 2015, Tony Abbott had a proposal back then to strip convicted Australian terrorists of citizenship, even if they weren't dual citizens. So if they had nowhere to go, you'd kind of make them stateless and kick them out. Why, do politicians love just picking on people like that? The thing that it does seem short-sighted, because we subsequently learnt, Charles, as you'll recall, that politicians, many of them were dual citizens there shouldn't have been in the parliament at all.

Do you remember, Barnaby Joyce was one of them? There were many dual citizens in there. And you could argue that they're, I mean, they didn't at the time. They were just allowed to run again. But you could say that they'd done something wrong potentially by running. I don't know if there was a law against running when you're a dual citizen. But maybe they could all be kicked out retrospectively. I mean, how tough we're going to be on this?

Well, I think the whole point is what Dutton imagines will happen is he'll get the personal right over, because the immigration law is all vested in the minister right. And he'll just, I think he stays up late at night going, ooh, I'll have the power to just like sign a piece of paper and they'll be gone. Like, I think that that's the desire there. I think I don't even think that there's any electrical calculation. I think it's more just, I think it's. probably his kink, to be honest.

I think you're being very unfair at a man who we know has previously been very generous to our pairs who wanted to enter the country. And quite to the contrary, he's willing to open doors in those sorts of circumstances. Yes. So, but I must say, it is brave to repose any sort of referendum at all in Australia in 2025, even one that I imagine a kind of sky after dark crowd will very much enjoy advocating for. Yeah, but no, but I think that that's what comes. from listening to this podcast because to me it's just absolutely clear.

You can draw a line between this thought bubble and him listening to this podcast. He clearly listened to Tuesday's episode and went, oh, right, okay, that's what I should do. I think if you listen to our podcast regularly, you'd probably get fairly miserable. I think, does anyone, can anyone tell us what the long-term effect of listening to this podcast are? Certainly producing it is a recipe for ongoing misery, I've found. I reckon the next proposal will be to ban podcast. To deport podcasters. I think that's, that actually, it would be bad for us, but I think overall, Australia might be better off.

But on the other hand, we get to go to a country with lower house prices, so it wouldn't be all bad. Yeah, that's actually potentially quite attractive. I like that. We are part of the Oconiclass Network. Catch you tomorrow. Unless we're deported.